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TMS outline- Paul Lynde!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Gorgon Heap, Feb 4, 2003.

  1. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    For those of you who don't recall, Paul Lynde was the center square on the original Hollywood Squares, and appeared in such films as "Bye Bye Birdie" (as Ann-Margret's disapproving father) and put in guest appearances on "The Munsters" (as the family doctor), "Bewitched" (as the mischevious Uncle Arthur) and "I Dream of Jeannie" (various roles). He was noted for his snappy one-liners and distinctive grin and voice/delivery, a favorite of impersonators.


    SPECIAL GUEST STAR: PAUL LYNDE

    STYLE: EARLY/MID SECOND SEASON

    COLD OPENING: Big Mama is in Paul’s dressing room.

    Paul: “Scooter, I have a bit of a problem. This humongous dog followed me home. That’s the ugliest collie I’ve ever seen!”

    Scooter: “That’s no collie, that’s Big Mama!”

    Paul: “That’s good, ‘cause she’s got a face only a mother could love!” (Big Mama GROWLS and BITES him) “Uh, but she has a very charming personality!... HELP!”

    OPENING THEME
    S & W: W: “Let’s make a break for it!”
    Gonzo: Someone unseen plays a trombone and loops the slide over Gonzo’s neck, then spins around. Gonzo goes back out of the ‘O’ and Miss Kitty (the purple monster) wheels into it.

    SONG: “Can’t Help Lovin’ That Man of Mine”- Piggy sings in a riverboat set (while Kermit watches uncomfortably in the wings)

    Statler: “I have to run to the bathroom.”

    Waldorf: “All right Statler, but if you’re not back in five minutes I’m sending out the hounds!” (Animal pops up in the box)

    Animal: “Woof woof! Woof woof!”

    Backstage: Paul has been coaching Fozzie on snappy comebacks and one-liners, but it’s not working so well.

    Kermit: “Fozzie, I think you should stick to doing what you do best.”

    Fozzie: “What’s that?”

    Kermit: “Nothing.”

    Fozzie: “...Oh, that was a good one! Frog!”

    SKETCH: Paul plays a dentist, Dr. Barney Cooper, with Behemoth (the big yellow monster from “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”) as his patient, Mr. Winfield

    Waldorf: “Boy, that Paul Lynde is hilarious, isn’t he Statler? Oh I forgot, he isn’t here. My memory is going in my old age... right, Statler? Oh...”

    Floyd plays a vibe solo, a fast jazz tune

    The Swedish Chef- taffy pull

    Backstage: Fozzie’s one-liners are falling flat with the other Muppets (Floyd, Janice, Gloat).

    Vet’s Hospital- Dr. Bob operates on a potted plant

    UK Spot: “I Got Plenty of Nothin‘”- Rowlf plays and sings

    Dressing Room: Kermit talks to Paul about his coaching of Fozzie

    At the Dance- SONG: “Shall We Dance?”- Scooter sings and tries to get a girl to dance with him

    Waldorf: “Boy, Statler sure has been gone a long time... I wonder if he fell in.” (Animal enters) “Oh, any luck?”

    Animal: “YEAAAHH!!”

    Animal has caught a chorus girl. She flees.

    Waldorf: “No, no, no! You were supposed to go find Statler!”

    Animal: “WHA?”

    Waldorf: “The old geezer! Get him! GET THE OLD MAN!”

    Animal attacks Waldorf.

    SONG: “Waltz of the Flowers”- Nigel conducts in the orchestra pit, with the unwelcome assistance of Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphones

    Backstage: Fozzie is discouraged, so Paul tells him that in his own case it took a lot of writers and years of practice to rattle off one-liners like he does, and that eventually he’ll be able to do it too. Fozzie is relieved, and after he leaves, Kermit congratulates Paul on his convincing.

    CLOSING NUMBER: “Up, Up and Away”- Paul leads a band of Muppet paratroopers (including Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Luncheon Counter Monster and Crazy Harry) in a WWII airplane, accompanied by the Electric Mayhem, with Thog dancing. While Thog dances, he accidentally nudges everyone out the door, including Paul, who has no parachute.

    Curtain: Paul, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Floyd

    Statler rushes in

    Waldorf: “Well, where have you been?”

    Statler: “I spent the evening at the disco! I just forgot my wallet.”

    Waldorf: “That’s too bad, you missed a terrific show!”

    Statler: “What?! Ohhhhh!” (bangs head on the seat) “I don’t believe it!”

    Waldorf (getting up, leaving): “Fooled you!”


    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
    MuppetLuver2000 likes this.
  2. radionate

    radionate New Member

    What a great job. I only wish he had been a guest on the show. He's one of my favorite old school TV personalities. And what a hoot he was too!
  3. Daffyfan2003

    Daffyfan2003 Active Member

    Reply

    Yeah. That was good.

    I remember Paul Lynde best as the voice of Templeton the rat in the animated "Charolette's Web." That's about it though. He died in 1982.
  4. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Anybody else have any comments? Favorite parts? Suggestions for improvement?

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  5. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Side note- think of this one as circa-Teresa Brewer & Edgar Bergen episodes.

    I like working with the second season best. There were so many good episodes, moments, and guest stars and to me this season really defined the classic style of the show (though I can't put my finger on exactly why). Most of the ones I'm working on now are second season style- Groucho Marx, Jack Gilford, Gene Wilder, Red Skelton, and Steve Allen for starters.

    So, any more comments on this one?

    I think personally this is one of the best ones I've done so far, and certainly one of the most inspired (though lately I've been motivated mostly by the thought of finishing the darn things since they were so close to completion and stayed that way for a while.)

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  6. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    I just updated the outline. Here it is with some minor additions:

    SPECIAL GUEST STAR: PAUL LYNDE

    STYLE: EARLY/MID SECOND SEASON (circa Teresa Brewer episode)

    COLD OPENING: Big Mama is in Paul’s dressing room.

    Paul: “Scooter, I have a bit of a problem. This humongous dog followed me home. That’s the ugliest collie I’ve ever seen!”

    Scooter: “That’s no collie, that’s Big Mama!”

    Paul: “That’s good, ‘cause she’s got a face only a mother could love!” (Big Mama GROWLS and BITES him) “Uh, but she has a very charming personality!... HELP!”

    OPENING THEME
    S & W: W: “Let’s make a break for it!”
    Gonzo: Someone unseen plays a trombone and loops the slide over Gonzo’s neck, then spins around. Gonzo goes back out of the ‘O’ and Miss Kitty (the purple monster) wheels into it.

    SONG: “Can’t Help Lovin’ That Man of Mine”- Piggy sings in a riverboat set (while Kermit watches uncomfortably in the wings)

    Statler: “I have to run to the bathroom.”

    Waldorf: “All right Statler, but if you’re not back in five minutes I’m sending out the hounds!” (Animal pops up in the box)

    Animal: “Woof woof! Woof woof!”

    Backstage: Paul has been coaching Fozzie on snappy comebacks and one-liners, but it’s not working so well.

    Kermit: “Fozzie, I think you should stick to doing what you do best.”

    Fozzie: “What’s that?”

    Kermit: “Nothing.”

    Fozzie: “...Oh, that was a good one! Frog!”

    SKETCH: Paul plays a dentist, Dr. Barney Cooper, with Behemoth (the big yellow monster from “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”) as his patient, Mr. Winfield

    Waldorf: “Boy, that Paul Lynde is hilarious, isn’t he Statler? Oh I forgot, he isn’t here. My memory is going in my old age... right, Statler? Oh...”

    SONG: Floyd plays a vibe solo, a fast jazz tune, tiring himself out

    The Swedish Chef- taffy pull; he ends up flinging himself into the orchestra pit and the audience laughs

    Backstage: Fozzie’s one-liners are falling flat with the other Muppets (Floyd, Janice, and Gloat).

    Vet’s Hospital- Dr. Bob operates on a potted plant

    UK Spot: “I Got Plenty of Nothin‘”- Rowlf plays and sings

    Dressing Room: Kermit talks to Paul about his coaching of Fozzie

    At the Dance- SONG: “Shall We Dance?”- Scooter sings and tries to get a girl to dance with him

    Waldorf: “Boy, Statler sure has been in the bathroom a long time... I wonder if he fell in.” (Animal enters) “Oh, any luck?”

    Animal: “YEAAAHH!!”

    Animal has caught a chorus girl. She flees.

    Waldorf: “No, no, no! You were supposed to go find Statler!”

    Animal: “WHA?”

    Waldorf: “The old geezer! Get him! GET THE OLD MAN!”

    Animal attacks Waldorf.

    SONG: “Waltz of the Flowers”- Nigel conducts in the orchestra pit, with the unwelcome assistance of Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphones

    Backstage: Fozzie is discouraged, so Paul tells him that in his own case it took a lot of writers and years of practice to rattle off one-liners like he does, and that eventually he’ll be able to do it too. Fozzie is relieved, and after he leaves, Kermit congratulates Paul on his convincing.

    CLOSING NUMBER: “Up, Up and Away”- Paul leads a band of Muppet paratroopers (including Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Crazy Harry and Luncheon Counter Monster) in a WWII airplane, accompanied by the Electric Mayhem, with Thog dancing. While Thog dances, he accidentally nudges everyone out the door, including Paul, who has no parachute.

    Curtain: Paul, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Floyd

    Statler rushes in

    Waldorf: “Well, where have you been?”

    Statler: “I spent the evening at the disco! I just forgot my wallet.”

    Waldorf: “That’s too bad, you missed a terrific show!”

    Statler: “What?! Ohhhhh!” (bangs head on the seat) “I don’t believe it!”

    Waldorf (getting up, leaving): “Fooled you!”


    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
    MuppetLuver2000 likes this.
  7. BlueFrackle

    BlueFrackle Active Member

    Dave,

    You should make a site and post them all on there !

    This one is great, I can actually see it all happening as im reading it... Even tho i dont know who the Guest was... but that never stopped watching the show before !



    :D
  8. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    next outline (upcoming)

    Coming soon- The Muppet Show with special guest star Jack Gilford!

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  9. sarah_yzma

    sarah_yzma Active Member

    i can't wait!

    Sarah
  10. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Perhaps a few pictures would help:

    http://www.buckscountyplayhouse.com/playhouse/Celeb Pages/lynde.gif

    http://www.findadeath.com/Deceased/m/Elizabeth Montgomery/Paul Lynde portrait.JPG

    http://web2.iadfw.net/willdogs/pics/Paul Lynde2.jpg

    http://members.aol.com/GeneTracy2/LYNDE.JPG

    http://www.born-today.com/Today/pix/lynde_paul.jpg

    An excellent mini-biography: www.harpiesbizarre.com/beography-lynde.htm

    And some comebacks of his (and others) from the original "Hollywood Squares": http://webpages.charter.net/emilb/hw_squares.html

    That should hold you for a while.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  11. Skeeter Muppet

    Skeeter Muppet Active Member

    You can also try looking at www.classicsquares.com. It's got a lot of information on not just Paul Lynde, but the classic version of Hollywood Squares in general. It also has a large library of sound clips from the show, especially Paul Lynde bluffs and zingers (including a couple of Big Bird, and I think one of Oscar as well!).

    -Kim
  12. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Note: the song "Shall We Dance?" refers to the Gershwin song.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  13. JaniceFerSure

    JaniceFerSure Active Member

    Good job again GH. Actually made me laugh out loud.I love Paul Lynde from Bewitched and Hollywood Squares,great comedian.Boy,I would love to see you write for some of the old classic actors;like James Stewart,William Holden,Humphrey Bogart,Natalie Wood.That would be kinda special.I do like whom you've chosen thus far.:excited:
  14. McFraggle

    McFraggle Active Member

  15. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    As you can see by the datestamp, I actually wrote this one in February of last year. I just make a new post in one of these old threads every so often to move it back to the top so new people can read them. MUWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

    :D :crazy:

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  16. Which muppet couples are dancing in this number as Scooter sings?
  17. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    A blue whatnot with a duck-billed whatnot woman, an orange-haired whatnot with a female whatnot in sweater, and Zelda Rose with Droop.
  18. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Plus blue whatnot man & woman w/dark curly hair, and Sexy Muppet & gray whatnot man. Minus Zelda Rose & Droop.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  19. Who performed the following characters:

    -Big Mama
    -Behemoth
    -Gloat
    -Scooter's girl
    -chorus girl
    -the Muppaphones
    -Luncheon Counter Monster
  20. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    Big Mama: Dave Goelz
    Behemoth: Jim Henson
    Gloat: Dave Goelz
    Scooter's Girl: Jerry Nelson
    Chorus Girl: Dave Goelz
    Muppaphones: Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, Dave Goelz
    Luncheon Counter Monster: Jim Henson


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