TMS Script - Shari Lewis

[Dil]

Shari Lewis was a pupeteer and ventriloquist whose characters include Lamb Chop & Charlie Horse

Since none of the female guest stars in the 4th & 5th Seasons of The Muppet Show died during the 20th Century, I was thinking I would use her who passed away in 1998 for this outline. AND... I definely know exactly what Kermit would first say in this fanfic.

STYLE: Late Season 4 (circa Carol Channing, Diana Ross)

DESCRIPTION: Gonzo is practicing his rollerskates for his next act.

Words in Italic are sung.

COLD OPENING

SCOOTER: "Shari, Lamb, & Charlie, 20 seconds to curtain, guys."

SHARI: "Oh, I thought you meant... 15 seconds to curtain."

SCOOTER: "NOW, it's 15 seconds!"

CHARLIE: "Maybe you're a little early?"

SCOOTER: "And you're getting late."

(Scooter leaves.)

LAMB: "And the less earlier, the more later."

SHARI: "You said it, Lamb Chop."

STATLER & WALDORF FROM THE BEGINNING

(The Swedish Chef is in Waldorf's place.)

STATLER: "Who would chop off a lamb?"

SWEDISH CHEF: "Ee firr Kabor dee Lamby Chopper."

GONZO FROM THE BEGINNING
Gonzo at first is out of nowhere until he (holding the horn) is seen skating uncontrolably fast, going past the camera four time and then crashes!

CURTAIN

KERMIT: "Thank you, thank you, and welcome to The Muppet Show. And what a treat we got, our guest star is one of the great female ventriloquists, Miss Shari Lewis! Yes, and also tonight we have two guest puppets, and that's Miss Lewis' famous puppets, Lamb Chop & Charlie Horse! Right, plus Gonzo will rollerskate from an airplane through 3 flamed rings."

(audience screams of delight.)

KERMIT: "Yes, yes, but Gonzo's act won't happen until the second half of the show. So, if you thought the "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" number would be used for cute and cuddly little creatures, wait until you see this."

OPENING NUMBER: Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah w/ The Monsters

(A group mean Monsters: Timmy Monster, Doglion, Mean Mama, Sweetums, Thog, The Mutations, & even Thig, does an ironic redintion of this cute & happy song in a bank of a dirty river.)

ALL: "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Ay. My, Oh, My, what a wonderful day!"

SWEETUMS: "Plenty of Sunshine headin' my way. Oh, Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Ay!"

THOG: "Mister Blue Bird on my shoulder, It's the truth, it's actch'll,
Ev'rything is satisfactch'll."

ALL: "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Ay. (a Lion enters) Wonderful Felines, Wonderful day!"

(Music stops, then the Monsters look right at the Lion, then they give in and sing the same verse again.)

(They would end the song after the second verse.)

BALCONY

WALDORF: "Ha ha ha. That was kind of ironic."

STATLER: "I saw a White-Skinned African with green eyes born in Iran, which is INDEED ironic."

(both laugh.)

I'll be back for more. What do you think of this?

 

[Barry Lee]

Question: Why don't you just post the whole outline instead of doing parts of it?

 

[Dil]

Because, I need to take a break and do something for a while.
OK, moving right along...

BACKSTAGE

KERMIT: "OK, nice opening numbers, monsters."

THIG: "Monsters ain't nice-looking creatures."

KERMIT: "OK, what do you have, next?"

GONZO: (skating uncontrolably) "Kerrrrrrmiiiiiittt!!!!!"

KERMIT: "Well, Gonzo might not be able to do his act before the show ends."

GONZO: (still skating uncontrolably) "Aaaaaaaghhhhh!!!!"

KERMIT: "Now this looks familliar, huh?"

GONZO: "III Could Some More Balance, (falling down the stairs of the exit) KERRMMIIIIT!!!!!! *crash!!*"

KERMIT: "Gonzo, are you OK?"

GONZO: "I'm fine."

CURTAIN

KERMIT: "OK, tonight would be a fun time for... uh, children... OK. Boys and Girls, Miss Shari Lewis & Friends! (does the similar arm-waving & shouting from the introduction to the first Senor Wences act from The Muppet Show.)

SHARI LEWIS SPOT

(Blue Grass intro music plays as the curtain rises. The scenery is a barnyard.)

SHARI: "Thank you, boys and girls, and welcome to my barnyard. Today, Charlie Horse..."

CHARLIE: "Hi."

SHARI: "Lamb Chop..."

LAMB: "Hello."

SHARI: "And I are going to discuss about... cows."

LAMB: "Can I go to a Moovie?"

CHARLIE: "Say, hasn't Hush Puppy herd of cows?"

(Hush Puppy enters.)

HUSH: "Of course, I've heard of cows."

SHARI: "No, no, a cow's herd."

HUSH: "I don't know what a cow's heard of."

CHARLIE: "Tell me what a cow's heard of."

LAMB: "Well, cows."

ANNOUNCER: (off-camera) "And so the guests used the same jokes from the other show. Tune in next week when we'll hear Shari say..."

SHARI: "How about a Discow?"

(Disco plays and a disco ball can be seen, plus, cows dancing to it.)

(NOTES: The cows at the end of this sketch are actually shot from a blue background, so at watching the sketch, you won't actually see the performers.)

BALCONY

WALDORF: "You know, my great-great grandson loves watching Shari Lewis Shows during the 1960s."

STATLER: "Yeah, MY great-great grandson HATES watching them."

 

[Dil]

Alright now for this!:

MUPPET NEWSFLASH

NEWSMAN: (sitting on a chair) "Here's a Muppet Newsflash! Tonight, the Great Gonzo will rolleskate on an airplane, and jump off and go through all 3 of the dangerous flamed rings of doom."

(Gonzo is seen skating still uncontrolably fast and crashing at the Newsman.)

MUPPET UNIVERSITY: Termites

(A wooden sculpture of Sam is on the left, as the termite box is on the right.)

SAM: (off-camera) "Welcome again to 'Muppet University'. (camera goes to Sam) Hello there, and today's lecture will be on... uh, termites. Yes, termites."

(Sam walks near the termite box.)

SAM: (points to the box) "If you look CLOSELY..."

(close-up of the termites.)

SAM: "You can see those wood-eating bugs, because they're rather smaller than ants."

(camera cut to the left, where a giant termite enters.)

SAM: (camera cut back to him) "And luckily I don't have termites anywhere else here but in that bo-- (looks at the Giant termite eating the wooden sculpture) What the--??"

(The Giant Termite belches.)

GIANT TERMITE: "Mmmm, birdie looks delicious..."

SAM: "Gasp! Oh no!! That giant bug ate my sculpture and it thinks it or I... I'm a birdie, ME, delicious!??"

(Sam gets chased by the Giant Termite as the same music from the end of the Pigs in Space sketch from the Dudley Moore episode plays.)

DRESSING ROOM

*knock on door*

SHARI: "Come in."

(A sheep comes in.)

SHEEP: "Baa!"

LAMB: "What do you mean 'baa'?"

SHEEP: "The Swedish Chef might chop some lambs' heads off to cook them for dinner at the baa."

SHARI: "You mean bar."

SHEEP: "I speak English."

LAMB: "Of course you speak English, but what do you mean English?"

SHARI: "Why? You must be at the United Kingdom?"

SHEEP: "No, The United Baadom."

LAMB: "Are you bored of talking all day long?"

SHEEP: "I feel baaed of taking all day long."

SHARI: "Repeat after Lamb... (whispers to the Sheep) Boredom."

SHEEP: "Baadom."

SHARI: "No! Not baadom. BORE-dom!"

SHEEP: "What's a boredom?"

SHARI: "You don't know the letter 'R'?"

SHEEP: (faints) "Rrrough."

What do you think of this part of the outline?

 

[Dil]

How come no one's answering me?

 

[MartyMuppets]

Dil you are very clever but you must learn to be a bit patient. It can take a while sometimes to get feedback as I found when I started my fan fic writing.
I slowly made a few friends and just gently asked them if they could look at my fan fics and give me their honest opinions. Most of them have in fact complimented me on my work but I tried not to push them too hard.
Nagging like this will only make everybody feel much less inclined to comment.
You are a very good writer but please learn to be patient and try to make some close friends who may like to read your writings.

 

[BEAR]

Shari Lewis was a pupeteer and ventriloquist whose characters include Lamb Chop & Charlie Horse

Since none of the female guest stars in the 4th & 5th Seasons of The Muppet Show died during the 20th Century, I was thinking I would use her who passed away in 1998 for this outline. AND... I definely know exactly what Kermit would first say in this fanfic.

STYLE: Late Season 4 (circa Carol Channing, Diana Ross)

DESCRIPTION: Gonzo is practicing his rollerskates for his next act.

Words in Italic are sung.

COLD OPENING

SCOOTER: "Shari, Lamb, & Charlie, 20 seconds to curtain, guys."

SHARI: "Oh, I thought you meant... 15 seconds to curtain."

SCOOTER: "NOW, it's 15 seconds!"

CHARLIE: "Maybe you're a little early?"

SCOOTER: "And you're getting late."

(Scooter leaves.)

LAMB: "And the less earlier, the more later."

SHARI: "You said it, Lamb Chop."

STATLER & WALDORF FROM THE BEGINNING

(The Swedish Chef is in Waldorf's place.)

STATLER: "Who would chop off a lamb?"

SWEDISH CHEF: "Ee firr Kabor dee Lamby Chopper."

GONZO FROM THE BEGINNING
Gonzo at first is out of nowhere until he (holding the horn) is seen skating uncontrolably fast, going past the camera four time and then crashes!

CURTAIN

KERMIT: "Thank you, thank you, and welcome to The Muppet Show. And what a treat we got, our guest star is one of the great female ventriloquists, Miss Shari Lewis! Yes, and also tonight we have two guest puppets, and that's Miss Lewis' famous puppets, Lamb Chop & Charlie Horse! Right, plus Gonzo will rollerskate from an airplane through 3 flamed rings."

(audience screams of delight.)

KERMIT: "Yes, yes, but Gonzo's act won't happen until the second half of the show. So, if you thought the "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" number would be used for cute and cuddly little creatures, wait until you see this."

OPENING NUMBER: Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah w/ The Monsters

(A group mean Monsters: Timmy Monster, Doglion, Mean Mama, Sweetums, Thog, The Mutations, & even Thig, does an ironic redintion of this cute & happy song in a bank of a dirty river.)

ALL: "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Ay. My, Oh, My, what a wonderful day!"

SWEETUMS: "Plenty of Sunshine headin' my way. Oh, Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Ay!"

THOG: "Mister Blue Bird on my shoulder, It's the truth, it's actch'll,
Ev'rything is satisfactch'll."

ALL: "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Ay. (a Lion enters) Wonderful Felines, Wonderful day!"

(Music stops, then the Monsters look right at the Lion, then they give in and sing the same verse again.)

(They would end the song after the second verse.)

BALCONY

WALDORF: "Ha ha ha. That was kind of ironic."

STATLER: "I saw a White-Skinned African with green eyes born in Iran, which is INDEED ironic."

(both laugh.)

I'll be back for more. What do you think of this?

Nice that you changed "feeling" to "feline" and added your own little joke. Cute.

 

[minor muppetz]

Good so far. I like the opening number and the Muppet University bits.

 

[Dil]

Here's The UK Spot

UK SPOT - You Can Fly w/ Pilots flying airplanes

(The pilots sing the song from Peter Pan.)

(At the end, the airplanes worn out and falls.)

I'll post the lyrics, later.