When you need to rant...

*cut to INT. shot: FCC Regulation Committee Room. At the central table we see HOMER SIMPSON, a number of FAZOOBS, and PINKY (sans BRAIN)*

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What's the deal with Adam Sandler? Why does he exist?

Whats the deal with Angry Birds? Why does even mentioning it make me angry?

Okay, here's a genuine rant that's been rattling around in the back of my mind...

When puppeteers out there try TOO hard to be just like the Muppets, even to the point that they try desperately to come up with their own Muppet-esque name for their puppets, and the end results always sound absolutely terrible... it's one thing to draw inspiration and influence from the Muppets, but it's another thing to basically try to be just like them in almost every way imaginable.

Insecurities? They might not feel like they can amount to anything if they don't emulate what is popular.

Semi-related story: For the longest time I only drew in Garfield style. Badly, but my "style" had all the things that make garfield Garfield. I drew this way for years...at least until like 10th grade. I'm a sophomore in college. Do the math. But I was scared to try something new. I know I'm not a good artist by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought that I would be worse if I didn't copy the Garfield style.

Can you imagine this guy in Garfield style? Cause he was one of my first characters ever created...yeah...

Why else? So maybe if you're really lucky, none other than Bert will say to you, "Hey there lamp - that's a nice shade!"

If drinking and driving don't mix, why do bars have parking lots?

Even more perplexing- on the tv news, when they show the weather, and give the 5-day forecast,(Monday rainy, Tuesday sunny, etc.) for sunny days, they show the sun wearing sunglasses.

WHY IS THE SUN WEARING SUNGLASSES????!!!!

Wimzie's House was once such show that got them in legal trouble for that.

I still don't understand why the one particular show was singled out... I mean, look at The Great Space Coaster, The Puzzle Place, Between the Lions, etc... each of these shows, including Wimzie's House, had Henson people working on them, so I don't understand why just one of them ends up in legal trouble and the others don't.

I'm gonna guess the puppets on Wimzie's House resembled the muppet style too much

Here's my serious rant.

I really hate it, when people at school ask dumb questions that the teacher already went over a million times, and then when other people ask questions, they complain and call them stupid! IT GETS ON MY NERVES!!!

Oh frog YES! Its especially annoying when not two seconds after the teacher says it, someone asks the thing that was answered...I can't believe just how many people in college do it

Okay, this is for you women. Maybe you can help this guy out.
Assuming all you body parts are intact, no amputations, birth defects, or any other anomolies.

You wear a pair of shoes, because you have two feet, right?
You wear a pair of pants, because you have two legs, right?
You might wear a pair of glasses, because you have two eyes, right?
If it's cold, you might wear a pair of gloves, because you have two hands, right?
If it's really cold, you might wear a pair of earmuffs, because you have two ears, right?

... then why is it only ONE BRA???????!!!!!!!!

Trust me, WE don't even know!

Why do we have a rant thread when some people take the liberty of ranting on every other thread any time they want?

Ah, but like a bra, a pair of glasses is actually just one item. Same with earmuffs.

Because if we don't have anything to complain about, then we'll complain about not having anything to complain about.

Because wearing rainhats or snowshoes would be a fashion faux pas. (The sun's too high profile and widely seen to risk being on Mr Blackwell's worst dressed list)

Why the **** does Friends with Benefits have a three-star rating? Even two stars is being too generous! Is it all because it has Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis?

Because the media needs a life.

Okay, this might not be a genuine rant, but a faux-rant, if you will.
Ten-year-olds saying "I remember back in the day..."
No, Junior. For you, "Back in the day" was last week.
To really embrace "Back in the day", you have to get a few decades under your belt first. Vote for a few presidents. Then you got PERSPECTIVE!

"Back in the day" was when gas was under a dollar a gallon.
"Back in the day" was when you saw Duran Duran on MTV, not hearing them on Oldies Radio.
"Back in the day" was when the Atari 2600 was state-of-the-art.
"Back in the day" was when Big Macs came in styrofoam boxes.

You wanna say "I remember back in the day" like you really mean it? Do what I did when I was your age. Wait a little while.

This is not the most troubling crisis plaguing society today, but it feels good to faux-vent my faux- spleen. thank you.