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EPISODE NOTES

Much is made in this episode about Avery Schreiber's being one half on the comedy duo Burns & Screiber. The other half? First season head writer Jack Burns.

This would be the first of a few times when Scooter ends up assisting Miss Piggy in her wacky schemes.

WRITTEN BY Jack Burns, Marc London, Jim Henson and Jerry Juhl

THE MUPPET PERFORMERS

Frank Oz (Fozzie, Piggy, Animal, Sam)

and Jim Henson (Kermit, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, Rowlf, Newsman)

with Jerry Nelson (Floyd, Baskerville, Shaky)

Richard Hunt (Statler, Scooter, Sweetums, pigs, Catgut, Wayne, Gorgon)

Dave Goelz (Bunsen, Brewsters, chicken)

Eren Ozker (Janice, female whatnots, Wanda, Koozbanian)

John Lovelady (announcer, Koozbanian)

PUPPET MAKERS: Bonnie Erickson and Don Sahlin and Caroly Wilcox, Mari Kaestle, Dave Goelz, John Lovelady, Rollin Krewson, Faz Fazakas, Larry Jameson

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER FOR HENSON ASSOCIATES, INC/MUPPETS: David Lazer

THEME MUSIC: Sam Pottle

ORCHESTRA CONDUCTED BY Jack Parnell

MUSIC CONSULTANT: Larry Grossman

MUSICAL ASSOCIATE: Derek Scott

FLOOR MANAGER: Richard Holloway

VISION MIXER: Felicity Maton

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Sue Taylor

VISION: John Crane

CAMERAS: Roy Simper

VTR EDITOR: John Hawkins

SOUND: Ted Scott

LIGHTING: John Rook

DESIGN: David Chandler

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Jim Henson

PRODUCER: Jack Burns

DIRECTOR: Peter Harris

Avery Schreiber - Episode 16

Taping Dates: Week of September 28, 1976
Original Airdates: April 18, 1977 (New York) and April 23, 1977
DVD Release: Buena Vista Home Video, 2005

GENERIC INTRO: MISS PIGGY

Brian Henson: "Hi, I'm Brian Henson. The success of The Muppet Show was a surprise to us all, but perhaps the biggest surprise was the emergence of Miss Piggy. Different puppeteers picked her up and tried to perform her and she never amounted to much. And it wasn't until Frank Oz picked her up and he gave her that character and that life that made Miss Piggy what she is today. What he did was he created a mega-superstar. And now here's The Muppet Show starring as she would tell you of course, the fabulous Miss Piggy."

OPENING

Fozzie's joke: "Hey, did you know that George the Janitor is so cheap that his wallet has an unlisted pocket? Am I too hip for the room?"

Gonzo's gong: Beautiful Day Monster pops up in front of the gong and gets struck by Gonzo.

[Fozzie's introductory joke from the episode was used on the only audio version of the first season theme as released in 1977 on the Muppet Show soundtrack album and in 1986 on Muppet Favorites. His dialogue was cut from The Muppet Show: Music, Mayhem and More CD.]

CURTAIN

Kermit brings on Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem.

OPENING NUMBER - TENDERLY

Dr. Teeth addresses the audience and explains that their band tries to be more versatile that their hard rock image so tonight's number will be for some of the moms and pops. The band then launches into a rather raucous rendition of "Tenderly"! [The song appears on the original Muppet Show soundtrack and The Muppet Show: Music, Mayhem and More.]

BALCONY

STATLER: I was just thinking, propose nothing, but is it pronounced "tomayto" or "tomahto"?

WALDORF: Is what pronounced "tomayto" or "tomahto"?

BACKSTAGE

Miss Piggy enlists Scooter's help in her latest scheme to get Kermit to return his love; jealousy.

PIGGY: I want you to tell him that Avery Schreiber is simply mad about me.

SCOOTER: Oooh - you want me to lie!

SKETCH - MONSTER OF THE MOORS

Kermit - in his trench coat reporter garb best known from his Sesame Street appearances - reports on the duel between gladiator Sir Avery of Macho (Schreiber) and The Monster of the Moors (Sweetums). Avery gets to choose the weaponry and casting off his armor decides upon insults. Kermit notes that while Avery is known for his razor-sharp wit, he's still up against one of the foulest mouths in the kingdom! The two hurl insults at each other and react as if they've been hit with a physical weapon.

AVERY: Your dog doesn't even like you - in fact I doubt you even have a dog!

SWEETUMS: I had a dog!

AVERY: You had a dog? What happened to him?

SWEETUMS: I ate him!

AVERY: Why'd you eat him?

SWEETUMS: Because he didn't like me!

BALCONY

WALDORF: Funny man! He was great as a team. I wonder what it feels like to work alone.

STATLER: Ask me - I do it every week!

MUPPET LABS

Bunsen unveils his gorilla detector which will sound when a gorilla threatens to invade one's tranquility. As Honeydew touts his latest machine, lo and behold a gorilla starts ripping through the lab. Bunsen notes that due to the lack of response from the alarm that he is SCIENTIFICALLY not being attacked by a gorilla. [The gorilla detector would later make an appearance as an accessory with Palisades' Muppet Labs playset.]

BACKSTAGE

Scooter tells Kermit that he can't disturb Avery since he wishes to be with Miss Piggy uninterrupted. Kermit seems more disgusted at the thought than jealous.

SKETCH

Backed by jaunty music and with no dialogue, Avery plays the security guard and a museum who sits down for a snack.

The picture of Fozzie he sits in front off turns out to be more of a window that Fozzie unfreezes when Avery isn't looking and snatches (and poses with) his food.

AT THE DANCE

Animal finds a dancing partner who likes to boogie (and slam dance) as much as he does.

FEMALE PIG: I'm very careful with my diet. When I got on the scale this morning, I weighed 104 pounds!

MALE PIG: Strip?

FEMALE PIG: Of course not! The drug store was crowded!

UK SPOT - MUSICAL NUMBER - "MAY YOU ALWAYS"

Rowlf, Baskerville, Muppy, and Catgut (from 1972's "Muppet Musicians of Bremen") emotionally serenade a photo of Lassie propped up on Rowlf's piano.

TALK SPOT

Miss Piggy interrupts the proceedings to gaze lovingly at Avery and allows him to call her by real name, Pigathius (from the Greek meaning "River of Passion").

AVERY: Miss Piggy, you can call me "Avery" from the Yiddish meaning "Hold the mayo".

KERMIT: Well you can both call ME a cab because I'm getting out of here AND SO ARE YOU!

Kermit insists that Piggy's HIS girl and makes a dinner date on the spot!

Piggy and Avery rejoice that the plan worked although Avery won't give Piggy a celebratory kiss due to a family tradition of not touching pork.

CURTAIN

Sam brings on the awe-inspiring Wayne and Wanda ("Every time I hear them sing, I go 'Awww'") and murmurs to them to get it right as he exits!

WAYNE AND WANDA - SOME ENCHANTED EVENING

Wayne is quickly consumed by Gorgon Heap.

WANDA: He said "meet" not "eat!"

VETERINARIAN'S HOSPITAL

The cast breaks out the chicken jokes in honor of their latest patient.

DR. BOB: I AM a bird-dog!

NURSE PIGGY: Are you really?

DR. BOB: Sure - every year I fly south for the winter!

BACKSTAGE

Kermit admits to Piggy that Scooter told him their performance was all a trick.

PIGGY: WHO NEEDS YOU? FLIPPERFACE!

CURTAIN

Kermit introduces the king of the one-liners, sharp retorts, and funny ears.

FOZZIE'S COMEDY SPOT

Avery jumps to Fozzie's defense when Statler and Waldorf start in on him. Avery confides he knows what it's like to be heckled - by his partner! Fozzie can't believe it when Schreiber confides that his partner thought that routines like a banana-in-the-ear would look dumb so Fozzie tries it. (AVERY: "It DOES look dumb") To be fair, Avery does it too and gets a huge response.

FOZZIE: Why is it that when I did it you didn't laugh, but when Avery does it you go crazy?

WALDORF: It's his pace!

STATLER: His timing!

WALDORF: His delivery!

STATLER: His EAR!

MUPPET NEWS

The Newsman runs on to announce there is no news tonight. [This is a recycled bit from earlier in the season, perhaps the editors needed something to fill three seconds?]

CLOSING NUMBER

Avery strums his guitar and sings some "alien scat" to an appreciative crowd of assorted beings.

CLOSING

Kermit and Avery comment on Piggy's behavior.

KERMIT: I say "jump", she says "how high?". I crack the whip, she jumps through the hoop...

PIGGY: You open your mouth, my fist goes South! HIIIYAHH!

BALCONY

WALDORF: Ya gotta give them credit.

STATLER: Why's that?

WALDORF: They're gonna keep doing it until they get it right.

Guide Written by
D. W. McKim and Phillip Chapman

With contributions from
Jogchem Jalink and Dave Ebersole

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