RedPiggy's Comeback King Saga (a re-write)

The Count

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 12, 2002
Messages
31,236
Reaction score
2,919
*Prods story with ? nagging wand. Hmmm... Now what was the spell to magic up an update? Oh well... :scary:
 

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Well, I thought the reason no one was saying anything was that they needed to catch up. :big_grin:

School has started, I'm still thinking of some directions I want some characters to go ... so I'll probably be only updating on weekends.
 

The Count

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 12, 2002
Messages
31,236
Reaction score
2,919
... Is okay. Post when you can, you know I love this and can't wait for more.
 

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Chapter 41
(Fall, 2011AD)

Just as Spike finished up talking to the human couple about effective dinosaurian combat techniques, a thunderous stomping approached. They looked up toward the east to find a two-story-tall brown shaggy creature, followed closely by a legged vehicle with a long curved “nose” with eyes and a dark-skinned female humanoid with sea-green hair.

Spike, so taken aback by the sight of the Gorg (for he had never seen a mammal that large … why he was only a few feet shorter than a typical swamp monster), didn’t notice the robed green-skinned dinosaur approaching him.

“Spike!” a familiar voice shouted with glee.

Spike tore his eyes away from the hairy mountain with legs and focused on Robert Sinclair. “You …,” he hissed in shock. He gestured angrily toward the strange group. “You tell half da valley that you’re lookin’ for help, and all you can come up wit’ is a bunch of cave rats wit’ fancy clothes and an ape on thornoids?” he yelled accusatorily.

“What’s an ape?” Junior asked the lone rider of the palanquin.

“Ix-nay on the accusations, Spike,” Robbie pleaded in a hushed tone.

“Cave rats?” noted Eshe, Queen of Trash, with a cocked eyebrow and a hint of a smile, her arms crossed. “Beats ‘frelling faes,’ I suppose.” ‘Fae’ was a generic term for human-sized elementals or fairies, though it was typically used as a slur by non-fairies … like that greasy toad Wander McMooch. Wander had despised faes for taking over watery abodes best left for amphibians and reptiles and fish alike. He thought they had an obnoxious air about them, obsessed with their superiority over all other beings. That was why he poisoned the lake of Moraine, that was why he was banished, and that was why he no longer trembled before his newest benefactress. Eshe had not treated him that way. She had allowed … no … accepted McMooch’s needs and wants, unconditionally.

“Apes are furry creatures with penchants for both playfulness and violence,” Moulin told Junior matter-of-factly as she climbed down the steps of the palanquin. Despite her dislike of Junior, he was beginning to grow on her. It was true that he wasn’t as beautiful as a reptile or a fish, the usual types of creatures that lived in Moraine, but their conversations had helped her see that he really was more than a dunder-headed lummox. With some proper education, his pure heart would make him an effective ruler.

Spike grabbed Robert by the arm and dragged him away as the newcomers conversed among themselves. When they were out of sight, Spike snarled, “How could you bring dose t’ings here?” He pushed Robert against a tree. “How can you trust ‘em? How do you know they’re not gonna turn on us and let that white predatory cave rat --.”

“Spike, she’s done more for us than we could ever have hoped for,” Robert retorted through gritted teeth.

Spike suddenly let go, his jaw nearly slamming into the ground, his eyes filled with shock and pain. “You … you’re not ….” He couldn’t believe his ears: Mizumi had done something to the water, had done some sort of voodoo with nearly every inhabitant of ‘New Pangaea’, had ‘helped’ Rob take control, had relocated the whole valley through time and space … and here was Rob, defending her! He had assumed Rob was going to get help to stop her.

Robert sighed, adjusting his robe. He scowled. “Look, Spike, I know you don’t approve of her. You’re not seeing the big picture: she rescued us, she placed us somewhere we could get actual resources that we wouldn’t have otherwise. I mean, we have air conditioning again! When was the last time we had that?”

Spike exclaimed, “We’re cold-blooded, Rob! Da heat wasn’t gonna kill us!”

Robert shook his head. “This whole ‘I’m against the sins of civilization’ thing is getting old, Spike,” he replied tersely.

“Well, look where it got us,” Spike shot back, bitterly. He snorted. “You’re sounding like your ol’ m--.”

Spike flew backward, slammed in the stomach by Robert’s thick green tail. He glanced up at Robert, who glowered at him, curling his upper lip slightly. Spike coughed briefly. He hadn’t seen that coming. Rob really had grown the last couple of years.

If he weren’t so concerned over the lives of dinosaurs everywhere … he’d be proud.

<><><><><><>

“What do you mean, ‘The water is poisoned?’ Is that what that Polacanthus told you?” Moulin questioned Robin and Melora, who lounged on heaps of soft moss-covered earth, sipping tea daintily.

Melora looked at Robin, confused. She turned back to Moulin. “Sir Spike never told us the nature of his being. How do you know what he is?”

Moulin smirked. “I study ancient history as a hobby,” she replied smugly. “An effective ruler must be well-educated.”

“Yes,” Eshe commented dryly, rolling her eyes, “because studying lifeforms from millions of years ago is so relevant….”

Moulin snapped her head toward the Queen of Trash, her eyes narrow slits, her voice hissing, and her veins popping in her neck. “And yet, here they are --.”

Eshe smiled and bowed slightly. “Point taken, Milady.” Perhaps Moulin had a gift for prophecy that avoided detection. After all, from what she understood, Moulin had criticized her mother for challenging destiny in Mizumi’s quest to woo Jareth. Also, it would make sense for a water elemental to engage in hydromancy, which used either ripples or oil layers to predict the future.

Moulin shook her head and glanced at the two human royals. She pointed at their white teacups, adorned with roses and lilypads. “If the water is poisoned, how are you drinking tea?”

Robin smiled. “We always prepare ourselves. When the water of this stream was condemned by the reptilian creature, Sir Spike, it occurred to us that we had packed plenty of supplies for a whole month in the back of the carriage!” He laughed heartily. “We had completely forgotten!”

Moulin groaned, letting her face fall clumsily into her hands. It was bearable when there was just one naïve oaf to deal with …. Faced with a trio of permanently happy faces … she may not survive this royal excursion at all.

<><><><><><>

The basement of the theater where Sarah’s award-winning play was being held had seen it’s fair share of drama itself. When the crown prop was discovered stolen, a porcine drama queen mopped up the floor with the aging thief.

Now, it was just cold and dark.

Sarah sat down on a small stool among the many props, including a two-foot-tall crown made of gold and silver and jewels. Her dark brown hair shielded her eyes as she sat crying. The crystal pillar had shattered, its shards disappearing shortly after Jareth had left yesterday.

For some strange reason … a reason she could not understand … she felt safe in the basement. It reminded her of falling into the oubliette dungeon, the dirt walls of which glittered with some sort of sparkles, like the ones she had seen on opening night. Despite the fact there had been no doors or windows or supplies, indeed only a jumbled dusty skeleton had been her companion, she had not felt afraid.

Of course, she didn’t make the connection between the skeleton and her own supposed fate.

Suddenly, Sarah felt a bit of warmth near her face. She looked up, wiping her eyes … but there was nothing. She stood, glanced left and right, and cleared her throat. “Who’s there?”

Nothing but silence greeted her.

She had expected a response, a gruff “me” blurted out from the darkness as the sound of a striking match brought forth a warm, almost intimate glow that had given her a sense of relief.

Though she had not been afraid in the oubliette, she still welcomed company.

When he had patted her on the hand sympathetically, she didn’t feel intimidated like she had been by Jareth. Jareth was very much like his own labyrinth, endlessly changing and beautiful but dangerous. He, on the other hand, acted selfish, but had risked his life to save her from that gargantuan horned door robot called Humongous. Jareth, meanwhile, always stayed in complete control over the situation … or so he thought. Sarah had done the impossible … she had solved a maze designed to keep people from getting close to him.

And yet, talking to this powerful being was like talking to a narcissistic teenage boy: he desired her, he took any instance of her wishing for some time alone as a huge insult akin to requesting lifting a mountain into the air with one’s bare hands, and he had no empathy for anyone.

Perhaps he was more than what he seemed … but even after all these years … he hadn’t changed all that much. It hadn’t been for lack of trying: Boober’s chastisement had cured her of her innate egotism. She wanted to like him, she wanted to see him as more compassionate being … but he was willing to destroy everything he worked so hard for, just for her.

While most would consider that romantic, Sarah couldn’t.

After all…



…what was to keep him from destroying her because of a new, more attractive whim?

She wasn’t a fool. She wasn’t some headstrong hormone-driven teenager anymore, either. He had all the red flags of someone who lived impulsively and violently. He spied on her like an abusive, possessive husband. Perhaps nothing in her life was outside his awareness. He traps and kills those who stand against him.

What did he need?

Boober had told her to see the needs of others. What can you do for the one who only seeks to dominate you so you’ll spend the rest of your days cowering at his feet? What words can be said to someone who confuses power with love?

She just couldn’t see the answer. She shook her head and began to pace the room.

“Get a grip, Sarah,” she told herself angrily, clenching her fists. “You’re over-the-hill now. You can figure this out. Argh!” she grunted as her knee hit a fake tree that leaned against a wall. She rubbed her leg and continued to pace, albeit more slowly. “You’re forty-one: too old to be dense and too young to be senile. There has to be an answer.”

She sighed and resignedly plopped herself onto the stool once more, burying her face in her hands. “I just can’t see it,” she grumbled. She felt something light fall at her feet. She reached down, picked it up, and examined it. It was a long golden leaf, roughly a foot-and-a-half in length. She sniffed it. She expected it to smell of gold paint. Instead, it smelled like tea. Ceylon white tea, to be exact, she noted to herself in surprise. She looked at it more closely and discovered that it wasn’t painted at all – it really was golden naturally.

She stood up and decided to head home.

Maybe this was just what she needed, after all.
 

Yva Minstrel

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2008
Messages
212
Reaction score
4
Read through Chapter 3!

Hi,

I am only leaving a review to the first three chapters, as that is how far I have read. I will say straight up, I love this. I don't know why I didn't start reading this gem of a story sooner. I am only three chapters into it and I am really feeling myself drawn into what is going on.

You weave everything together so wonderfully that it truly surprises me that more people haven't commented on this. The points that I love so far.

Junior's speech. You really bring him to life and make it sound as though I can really hear him talking here. The other two gorgs are also great, specifically Ma Gorg with her 'sweetums' and 'most loved son' lines.

Sir Hubris is very effectively used here too. I must admit as I read the first chapter, I had other ideas as to who this character was. I was simply not sure, but your description of him and the way he carries himself is most effective for telling this story.

I have to say that your powers of description really put us (your readers) right there in the middle of the action. You give us a feel (even if we are not perfectly knowledgeable about the universe) that we are learning about them as we go along. Since I am not one for reading the cliff's notes, I'll have to look into Labyrinth and see what the big hubbub is about it. I also need to watch Dark Crystal, as I have not yet seen that film either. (shame on me)

Somehow all of these things are connected, and I'm looking foward to seeing how they are woven together. I loved the scenes with Philo and Gunge, as well as the phone call between Jenny and Kermit.

That line about Homeland Security contacting Crazy Harry made me just about fall out of my chair laughing. I could see it. Hehehe.

Good stuff, I'll check back in when I get to do some more reading today. Looking forward to reading further into this.

Good job, time for breakfast. :smile:
 

The Count

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 12, 2002
Messages
31,236
Reaction score
2,919
Hi Yva. If you want, I have a whole reading list of fanfic stories that have become cherished classics here, even some that are yet to be finished.

Kelly... Update! I have to say that I'm ribbeted by the inner conflicts of Sarah trying to figure out how to resolve her relationship woes with Jareth. Also... Me likes the dynamic between the members of the council now that only the Goblin King is missing from their midst. Knew Mezumi wouldn't stand to stand still. So Sinclair City is now New Pangaea, very appropriate. Wonder how the rest of that civilization's doing. And I sympathize for Moulin, so many happy faces... It's almost like a grouch trying to live on Sesame Street.

Loved it all, please post more when you can.
 

Yva Minstrel

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2008
Messages
212
Reaction score
4
Hi Yva. If you want, I have a whole reading list of fanfic stories that have become cherished classics here, even some that are yet to be finished.
Just a suggestion, but maybe you can post them and stick them at the top of this forum. A newbie's guide to fan fiction here. :smile: That way the writers don't feel too stressed about their stuff not getting read after they get finished. If there's an easy link to the stories as in an index, then it would be monumentally helpful.

Just my two cents here, but if not, do PM it to me, I'd love to have it for future reference. :big_grin: Aside from writing, I am also an active reader.
 

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Thanks, Yva! Yes, it all comes together (eventually). I came up with the Sir Hubris idea last year or something. The problem was that Sir Hubris was considered half the height of a Gorg (roughly 10ft), but it made a LOT more sense to assume the legend "improved" some of the details. :smile:

Count said:
Kelly... Update! I have to say that I'm ribbeted by the inner conflicts of Sarah trying to figure out how to resolve her relationship woes with Jareth. Also... Me likes the dynamic between the members of the council now that only the Goblin King is missing from their midst. Knew Mezumi wouldn't stand to stand still. So Sinclair City is now New Pangaea, very appropriate. Wonder how the rest of that civilization's doing. And I sympathize for Moulin, so many happy faces... It's almost like a grouch trying to live on Sesame Street.
Sarah and Jareth has been a struggle. I don't want it to be cliche. However, I think I've left enough foreshadowing (some intentional, some coincidental) to guide me on how that is going to work out.

Mizumi is like Jareth ... she is in denial about her own nature. She can't stand Jareth for being obsessive about love ... but she's been exactly the same. And like Jareth, she doesn't like the word "no".

We might learn about the New Pangaeans after the rest of the group realize who's "really" in charge. Have to leave stuff for epilogues and stuff, too. :big_grin:

I've really tried to grow Moulin. I know she wasn't very popular all mopey and stuff, so I've been trying to find her a sense of humor. :stick_out_tongue: It's still a work in progress ... but she no longer treats Junior like Princess Leia treated Chewie. Hahaha...
 

Yva Minstrel

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2008
Messages
212
Reaction score
4
Through to Chapter 9

Hi,

I have made it up to the start of chapter 10, so the reading is going along alright, and I thought it was time for another few lines update on how this is shaping up for me.

First of all, the interludes sort of throw me for a loop. They are amusing and neat ideas, but they also throw me off as I'm reading. That is, after reading about what has been happening with Mokey, I get this 'program break', which sort of takes the overall mood away and detracts for me what she is going through or experiencing. That scene with Cantus was quite wonderful and I was left to wonder what has been happening to her, and what Cantus sees with her. Very deep and almost spiritual stuff going on here. Good jub. But, going from that to a 'program break' is very strange for me, as my mind is still with Mokey and not the digression.

Speaking of which, Wembley's little chat session at the computer was very cute and perhaps as a one shot it would work, but meshed into an already very thought involving story is rather hard for my overtaxed brain to wrap itself around. It just seems to me that these cute little bits sort of detract from the overall flow or essence of the story.

Don't get me wrong, I really do like the story, but it's what I would loosely call a 'thinking story', that is it is a story that I would really have to be in the proper frame of mind to follow. When there is an 'interlude' then my thought processes are abruptly stopped, and my brain is still back with Mokey or Pa Gorg, all the while trying to process what is going on. Make sense? What I'm trying to say is the overall flow of the story is abruptly jarred and then the reader is left trying to figure out everything once again.

For me, I have to sort of remember how the characters are in relation to one another. That Sarah and her brother are connected to Jareth and the other characters at the top of your chapters. Then I have to stop and think about how they are connected to the Gorgs. Then I must contemplate how the Fraggles are bonded together in the rest of this. What this story reminds me of is a tapestry of various ideas and concepts, all internally woven together to push the plot along. Up to now, I have not seen how the overall picture is supposed to look. I am getting small glimpses, but not a complete image.

Overall, it's still neat stuff, but at times it can be quite complex as well as hard for me to follow. It is very clear that you are a 'Labyrinth' fan and you have tapped into my becoming fascinated with that story, but I am sort of getting lost in the characters of who is who, and I realize that even a cliff's notes version of the story is not always going to help me.

Perhaps I ought to watch or read this 'Labyrinth' thing before I continue with the story. At least through that I can continue to follow the actions and get the full impact of your story. Right now, I feel as though I am only seeing a small part of it, and not the whole thing. The other confusing bit is how you go from italicized writing at the top of the chapters to regular font in the later chapters.

I do think your writing is wonderful, and I can't stress that enough. I just need to really grasp what all is happening, and diverting myself away from reading to check something online is not really the best way for me to read or even follow a story. I keep waiting for the light to go on in my head and get to shout 'eureka!', but up through this chapter, I haven't had that sense of inspiration happen just yet.

I guess that's just me though, maybe other people read things in a different way. At the moment, I feel rather ignorant because as wonderfully as this story is written and presented, my brain presently feels like it's made of Gorg Butter. :smirk:
 
Top