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Calendar Oneshots: April Showers

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by The Count, Apr 25, 2012.

  1. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    It happened to be a dark and stormy night that evening, perfectly dreadful and yet dreadfully perfect for a Friday the 13th. Thunderclaps announced the entry of another patron into the local haunt, lightning striking just as the familiar faces walked inside. The man, identified by his dark specs, was flanked by his main roommates at the city's central townhouse; a vampire who could be classified as being bats over numbers and a spectral dragon who prefered the theatrics of terrifying. Weaving their way past the close-set chairs, they found a suitably shaded corner booth, Table 13 at the Bat Bolt & Skull.

    The shop had been remodeled, refurbished, and repurposed from its original souveneir selling station into more of a darkened dining club. It may not be as upscale as the Dubonnet or as ritzy as the Golden Claw, but the owners seated at the corner found it pleasant enough per their tastes. As soon as they were seated, a cute little bat flapped in their direction. "Hi, my name is Junie and I'll…Count! Deadly! Oh, so you finally made it! We were worried you boys wouldn't be here for the opening." "Vell, counting does take up most of my time. But we're here now." "So what will you have?" she queried, switching into effective waitress mode. "What do you recommend?" posed Uncle Deadly. "We have two main horror d'euver platters: The Demon Delight and Gross Goodies," replied Junie. "What's the difference between the two?" asked the dragon, puzzled at the choices. "Demon Delight has blood sausages, cobra cutlets, devilled eggs, and eyeball poppers." "And the other?" Count asked, intrigued himself. "The Gross Goodies feature lizard gizards, slug's knuckles, fried worms, and eyes of newt." Both monsters made a face of disgust, whereas their human host merely smiled lightly. Noticing him for the first time, Junie squeaked nervously, "yes sir?" "You forgot the Adam's apple pie," Ed said, adding, "we'll take the Demon Delight and three black cherry sodas." "Fright away sir," replied Junie, relaxing as her small frame fluttered off to the kitchen relaying their choice back to the hired cook.

    "Gimme a demon dish and an Adam & Eve!" cried the bat after bursting through the swinging doors leading to the inner kitchen. Aunt Nasty, an elder Frackle bent over by her noticeable hunched back, banged the bubbling cauldron with a wooden spoon attempting to quell the critters cooking inside. She wore a kind of Old World coat over her main body, a darkened apron protecting her dark greenish fur from getting messed up with the saucier ingredients. Junie dashed off to the bar to get the drinks from Yolanda, a blond rat, who tended the bar for now until she either got promoted to waitress or further help was hired.

    "By the by," Uncle Deadly breathed, "did you catch the outfit she was wearing?" "Yes, nice of Aunt Ru to do the stitching for us," commented his human host. When Junie returned, pie and platter in hand, she'd managed to drag the bar-rat with her. "Eyeing our bods boys?" she asked, a sweet yet teasing smile on her face. Both bat and rat wore tight-fitting white tanktops plastered with the diner's batlike bolt-breathing skulled logo on their shirts' bellies. Burgundy bowties around their necks complimented the short burgundy skirts hugging their waists. White fluffy wristbands and flat-heeled pumps completed the staff members' basic design. (The afore-mentioned stitching provided breathing room for the girls' wings). "Three Cherry Rocks" said Yolanda placing the glasses in front of each customer while Junie then left the platter on the center of the table, nudging the piece of pie towards the club's proprietor. Both girls then flittered off, taking orders from the rest of the incoming crowd. "Mmm, I do love blood sausages," quipped Ed, seizing the morsel.

    After a few moments, a quickened funeral marchlike fanfare rang through the club. "Oh, almost forgot," Count said. "It's showtime!" Another reason why the founding trio had selected their corner booth was because it allowed the violet-hued vampire to easily slip out of his cushy seat and just as easily slip behind the organ lining the club's back wall. "And now," he ushered in full showman fashion, "please give a warm velcome to our special guest, Miss Batssica Bloodbat!" With a flourish of the keys, cobwebbed curtains parted, revealing the night's singer. She definitely reminded one of another similar starlet, as red was very much her color. From her long evening gloves to her strapless dress to the hair cascading over her right eye, she grabbed her microphone, launching into the song she'd already planned for this particular performance.

    "Ever since I was a little bat.
    Just a half a tombstone high.
    I dreamed of how when I grew that.
    I'd fall madly in love with the one perfect geist."
    All the guys in the crowd cheered appreciatively as Batssica began to stroll the length of the staging area, nearing a couple of members of the clientelle.

    "I want to be a bat's best fiend.
    But I can't make up my mind.
    Want to be a bat's best fiend.
    Looking for a monster, but I don't know what kind."

    Small spotlights focused on each monster named during the song, before blinking out as she cast them aside.
    "I can take or leave revenants.
    And the ghosties leave me coooooold.
    Poltergeists, I find pointless.
    And goblins are too old.

    The Devil will pinch ya'.
    Gargoyles just give me the blues.
    Sandmen I find boring.
    Cause they often make you snooze."
    Most of the monsters were chuckling at the genial jives aimed in their direction by this bloodied beauty.

    "I want to be a bat's best fiend.
    I know he will arrive.
    Want to be a bat's best fiend.
    Looking for a Transylvanian 6 to 5."
    She made her way over to the master organ, amused that the player was wrapped in accompanying her movements with the jazzy music, choosing to linger there for the next verse.
    "Don't care if he's a big bat.
    Don't care if he's rich.
    He'll be my ever-loving manster.
    And I'll just be his witch."
    The Count could have chosen to excuse the comment away, but since most of the monsters were mature enough, he decided to let it slide this once.

    "I'll walk all over dark angels.
    Invisible men aren't all there.
    And as if you haven't guessed.
    I think Great Pumpkins are only fair.

    So, boggle your brains when I'm in the neighborhood.
    It's a multiple choice question of brood.
    But when I find true love.
    The answer's none of the above.
    Cause the rules all end.
    When you're a bat's best,—"
    Batssica stretched the last notes of the song into an ultrasonic belting that would leave most anyone else attempting it out of breath.
    "Now that's bat humor, she's hitting notes so high it's enough to turn your eeker into a squeaker," joked the Count. At that, two black bats instantly approached, hovering questioningly. "No, I didn't mean to summon you, you can go back to your mistress." "They're not your bats?" Ed spoke, curious at what was going on. "No, they belong to someone else, a sorceress I think."

    "Fieeeeeeeeeeeend," Batssica ended the song, returning her vocal range back down to earth in time with the last tinkling of organ keys. Smiling a fanged grin, she blew kisses at the audience applauding her before the curtains closed. Yes, all in all, it had been a successful opening night for the monstrous minions and their master. Who knew, the Bat, Bolt & Skull could just prove to turn in a profit if it managed to stay open long enough for the haunting season.
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2017
    newsmanfan likes this.
  2. Slackbot

    Slackbot Well-Known Member

    *chuckle* I do indeed recognize the Muppet incarnation of the Shadow Chateau. And I also appreciate the opening line. You can't go wrong, beginning a story that way.

    Overall, fun to read. Thank you!
  3. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yes... Free slice if you know our second choice of pie. Also, bonus cookie for whoever knows the song that was used.
  4. Slackbot

    Slackbot Well-Known Member

    Hmm... It's not Why Don't You Do Right, although I get a definite Jessica Rabbit vibe from the singer. I know I've heard the original song, but heck if I can remember enough of it to find the title.
  5. Ruahnna

    Ruahnna Well-Known Member

    Oooh! I'm in Countie's story! And I get to sew for muppets! Wheeee!

    Some lovely puns and references in here, dear--"horror d'euver platters," fried worms (How to eat Fried Worms is one of the best books ever), and " one perfect geist." Hubby and I have buttons for Halloween that say "Ghost" and "Ghostess."

    And what a naughty little bat you've been, dressing your winged cuties up like Hooters girls. Or would that be Flapper girls? (Hmmm. Doesn't conjure up the same image, I'm afraid.)

    Thank you for adding to our library! (More, more, more!)
    The Count likes this.
  6. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Cheshire :D grin. You know me too well Lady Ru.Like I said, this oneshot was meant to have fun. Our fried worms come from Mike Nelson's edible enterprise, (Newsie will get that reference). Though I prefer a good Boston scream myself. :insatiable:
    For those who didn't get it, the song is an adaptation of Dog's Best Friend from Dog City, sung by Fran Brill as Colleen Barker/Yu from Jim Henson's Dog City.

    As for more as the good Lady Ru pleaded... I'm going to need either an MP3 or at least the lyrics to the song A Golden Afternoon from Disney's 1951 animated film version of Alice in Wonderland for May's installment. And for June, well, I'm not sure who Robin's date should be, whether Megan the Frog or Nancy Kidd. Decisions.
  7. Ruahnna

    Ruahnna Well-Known Member

    Well, I have it on good authority that Robin and Nancy have their ups and downs, "butting heads" so to speak. True love never sails smoothly, I suppose. (Imagine what un-true love must be like! Yeesh!) Your wish is my command, dear.

    Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips
    And the sun is like a toy balloon
    There are get up in the morning glories
    In the golden afternoon

    There are dizzy daffodils on the hillside
    Strings of violets are all in tune
    Tiger lilies love the dandy lions
    In the golden afternoon
    (The golden afternoon)

    There are dog and caterpillars and the copper centipede
    Where the lazy daisies love the very peaceful life
    They lead...

    You can learn a lot of things from the flowers
    For especially in the month of June
    There's a wealth of happiness and romance
    All in the golden afternoon

    All in the golden afternoon
    The golden afternoon...

    You can learn a lot of things from the flowers
    For especially in the month of June
    There's a wealth of happiness and romance

    The golden afternoon!
    The Count likes this.
  8. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hexcellent. *Tucks this away under my mad hatter's cap for May's installment.
    Thank you miss Ru.
  9. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    Don't we need a few Tex Avery wolves in the crowd with their eyeballs bugging out at that...dress? Batssica Bloodbat indeed! She's not a bat...she just flies that way...

    VERY sweet little story. Hmm...I wonder, though...whom exactly does Miss Bloodbat have her claws --er, sights -- set on? The Count has a ghoulfriend, and Deadly has a Deadlier love...could it be...hmmm.

    *hears the sound of every gossip-hack's pencil in town poised to scribble*

    I suppose, Ed, in your line of work, you must meet the most innnnnnteresting monsters...nudge, nudge, wink, wink! You simply MUST tell us how it all ghouls in the end!

    Looking forward to more. What a great character. *whistles* Woo! More!
    The Count likes this.
  10. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Maniacal laugh.

    Actually, her line's that she's not bat, just blooddrawn that way, but I like your interpretation too Kris.
    If I said who she fancies, well... The hacks will just have to keep guessing won't they.

    To tell the truth, this was going to be its own April oneshot (mostly preserved from my Sibella-centric lineup), and there'd be another where Rhonda waltzed into the joint on Friday the 13th only to surprisingly meet Yolanda working at the place, but as you've read already it morphed into the oneshot I wanted to write to just have some fun. Besides, Rhonda's got no worries about any competition. *Slides a ginger beer down to the fashionable rat producer.
    newsmanfan likes this.

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