Fan-Fic: We Know That It's Probably Magic

Great chapter! Good stuff with the Fraggles! I also loved Traveling Matt "I've got a knack for deceiphering languages!" Great stuff here, let's see some more!

Ok, fine a short chapter for you...

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Chapter 11: Fairy Tale Life

Piggy walked down the marble staircase in the castle. Her dream world was just what she wanted. "Ooh, look at all the shiny things!" She squealed. "I could throw so many lavish parties here!"

"You?" Rizzo asked. "Heh, that's hillarious Cinderella. I mean your step dads and siblings would never let you t'row a party."

"Yeah your job is to keep this place clean!" Boober told her.

"What?!?"

"Cinderella!" Someone yelled.

"Cinderella!" Another voice yelled.

"What?" Piggy yelled back.

"I don't see breakfast in front of me!"

"With your eye sight I wouldn't doubt it!"

"No way..." Piggy walked towards the voices. She opened a large pair of doors.

"It's about time! Did you bring home the bacon?" Statler asked from a bed.

"Do ho ho ho!" Waldorf laughed in a bed next to him.

"What are you two fossils jabbering about?" Piggy asked.

"We want our breakfast!" Statler told her.

"Come on Cinderella," Rizzo pulled at her dress. "I'll show you where da kitchen is."

"Oh boy breakfast!" Red cried.


They walked into the kitchen. "So Cinderelly, what's on de menu today?" Pepe asked.

"You expect me to cook?" Piggy asked.

"Well duh!" Rizzo said.

"Yeah, you're the chef, maid, buggy driver, grocery shoper, window cleaner," Wembley began listing.

"Ok! Ok! I get it!" Piggy groaned.

A door opened behind them. "Cinderella! We're home!" Dr. Teeth called. The entire Electric Mayhem stormed into the kitchen.

"Man our hunt was awesome!" Floyd said.

"Rully brother! It was tottally groovy!" Janice said.

"HUNTING! HUNTING!" Animal chanted.

"Hey!" Piggy yelled. "You're tracking mud all over the house!"

"Thanks for noticin'." Dr. Teeth said. "Now we won't have to find you to tell you to clean it up. Heh heh."

The band left the kitchen leaving Piggy with her mess.

Piggy was angry. "Grrrrr." She growled. "GAH!!! THEY EXPECT MOI TO CLEAN UP THEIR MESS?!?"

"Yes Piggy." Mokey patted her on the shoulder.

Piggy sighed.


Kermit sat in Piggy's head. He watched Piggy's dream like a mall security gaurd. He was waiting for the perfect moment. But, in between he had to make sure she didn't wake up.

If she woke up, Kermit's plan would fail.

For if she woke up, she would not be able to spend the rest of her life with Kermit.

Whoa. That line is chilling! But, there is some great stuff here! I still like how you have the different Muppets interacting with one another. It's nice to see the Fraggles so much too. Keep it up!

Oh good lord!!! Kermit do not lay a finger on that pig!!!!!

That last line.

I've read the whole chapter. But that last line...

I've read it. I've let it sink in. I've mulled it over. (And over and over and over.) I've re-read it. I've let it sink in some more.

I think I've finally reached a two-part conclusion.

1.) Death hath changed the frog.
2.) We need more story.

Chapter 12: Just a Dream Away

The next morning, Scooter left the house without breakfast. He was to worried about the show toinght. He walked down the sidewalk. The crisp autumn air was blowing through the trees. Scooter rubbed his hands together, then finally just stuck them in his jacket pockets.

Scooter looked to his left. There was a patch of charred grass, and the lone tree that stood in the middle was charred as well.

Scooter walked fasteer. He knew what had happened there.

He arived at the theater and came in backstage. He let the door slam shut behind him.

Scooter sat his things on the desk. "Gobo! Someone's here!" Wembley's voice yelled.

Scooter turned around, and saw the Fraggles peering down at him.

"Scooter come quick!" Gobo told him. "We can't wake up Miss Piggy!"

Scooter sighed. "Alright, just a second." Scooter climbed up the stairs and went into Piggy's room. He saw her collapsed body on the floor. "What happened? Why is she on the floor?"

"We don't know." Mokey said calmly.

"Yeah she was like that when we got here!" Red added.

"She's probably dead!" Boober wailed. "Not another!" He burried his head in Mokey's shoulder.

"Come off it Boober!" Gobo told him.

Scooter shook Piggy. She didn't wake up. He kept shaking her.


Piggy scrubbed vigourously on the floor. Her vibrant purple gloves were beginning to tear.

The doorbell rang.

"Cinderella! Get the door!" Statler yelled.

"You might wanna get a life while you're there!" Waldorf added.

"Do ho ho ho!"

Piggy sighed. She stood up and walked to the door. She opened it and Scooter stood there in medievil clothing. "Oh Scooter!" She cheered. "It is so good to see vous!"

Scooter pushed her away. "Sorry miss, I'm afraid I don't know you." He said. "But, I am the king's messenger!" He straightened up authoritativley. "And I'm here to deliver a message!"

"Well what is it?" Piggy asked.

Scooter threw off the hat he had on. "It's time for, the king's anual ball!" He did a quick dance step. "And you're invited! And, I'll deliver the message in song!

Do do do do do!
Oh, come on to our ball!
It's fun for one and all!
They'll be punch!
And apple crunch!
And a prince looking to take the fall!" He sang.

Piggy tilted her head slightly to the side.

"Of love that is." Scooter whispered.
"He's looking for the fairest maiden in the land!
Someone who is not afraid to grasp his froggy hand!
Which is why every maiden must attend!
Or,
Theywillbemetwithaveryuntimelyend!!!" Scooter finished.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! I will be sure to attend sir! Thank vous! Kissy kissy!" She slammed the door on him. "At last! I have found Kermit my love! And he is a prince! Oh! What will I wear?"

"Nothing!" Statler said appearing from nowhere.

"Vous expect moi to go naked?!?"

"Please," Waldorf begged. "Our eyesight is already bad! Don't make it worse!"

"Do ho ho ho!" They laughed.

"We meant that you're not going!" Statler told her.

"What? But why?" She asked.

"Because, you're the maid!" Waldorf said.

"But the note said that every maiden must attend or theywillbemetwithaveryuntimelyend!" Piggy gasped.

"Good." Statler said.

"Now, get back to work!" Waldorf yelled.

Piggy fell to her knees. "Oh mon capitan. How will I find vous now?"


Soon, Pepe had come to the theater as well. He found the others and offered his assistance.

"If de pig doesn't wake up from dis, she won't wake up from nothing. Hokay?" He said.

He pulled out his cell phone and held it to Piggy's ear. "Hokay Scooper, call me. Hokay?"

Scooter picked up the phone on Piggy's desk and dialed Pepe's cell phone number.

His phone rang to the tune of The Muppet Show theme. It stopped, and Piggy didn't even budge.

"Dios mio!" Pepe said. "How could jew not wake up after dat annoying ting?"

"Perhaps I could shed some light on the situation for you?" Uncle Deadly swooped in from the ceiling.

"What? Did you see what happened Uncle Deadly?" Scooter asked him.

"No, but I do know what happened." He said.

Wembley's body shook. Why had he never seen this guy before? Well, the fact was, he was to short to see him playing the organ at Kermit's funeral.

"You see, she's not waking up, because she does not want to." Uncle Deadly explained. "Her dream is preventing her from waking up."

"But how?" Traveling Matt asked. "Dreams can't keep you away from the reality world."

"I believe this song will assist your pathetic minds." Uncle Deadly said.

"Feel the water flowing.
Feel it coming, feel it going,
In the river, in the rain or in the sky." He sang.

"One day it's an ocean,
One day ice in motion.
One day it's a tear drop in your eye.

Once he wasn't here,
And then he suddenly appeared,
And now he seems to be at home in Earth and air.

Just like water flowing,
He knows where he's going.
Look beneath your boots and he'll be there.

It's just a dream away.
You have to leave to stay.
You'll meet again someday,
Just a dream away." The phantom finished.

"Who's he?" Gobo asked.

"Fools!" Uncle Deadly yelled. "You're all fools! It's Kermit! The Frog! He's a ghost! He lives in this theater! But as of now, he's inside Miss Piggy's head, controling her dreams! If he is allowed to continue, Miss Piggy's will never awaken!" He calmed down. "Which is why, I've called for some help."

<shakes head> It would seem that the frog has gotten a little carried away. But who's to blame him? He's desperate! He misses the pig!

But this... "help" that UD's called for? Who? Or what? Or...

And then of course, I must point out this line...

Gave me the shivers, prawncracker. Gave me the shivers.

<runs off to type and post more fanfic before being hit by a penguin>

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-oooooooooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooo!

Ok, details, I Loooooove the Cinderella story! In any other circumstance, twould be great! But now...*shiver* STOP THAT KERMIT NOW!!!!

Chapter 13: Deadly Assistance

Scooter had called the boarding house and told everyone to get to the theater immediatley.

Once they all crowded into the seats, Scooter quited them down. "Alright everybody listen up! We've got a crisis on our hands! Piggy's asleep and she won't wake up!"

"What's wrong with her?" Rowlf asked.

"She prob'ly just ate some bad guacamole." Rizzo said.

"Guacamole?" Cookie Monster sat up. "Can me dip cookies in it?"

"Hey ya'll quiet down! Let Scooter finish!" Clifford told them.

"Thanks, that's why Uncle Deadly's here," Scooter said. "He'll tell you all what's going on."

"Oh no! Not him again!" Telly cowered under his seat.

"Get up you fool!" Uncle Deadly yelled at him. "Now, the reason your pig will not awaken is because her dreams are being manipulated by a certain frog you all know. Or, knew rather." The Muppets whispered to each other. "Yes, that's right, Kermit's ghost is in Piggy's head controling her dreams."

"Man that's crazy!" Floyd said.

"No, he's crazy," Gonzo pointed to Crazy Harry. "And I'm insane! Ha ha!"

"Like are rully serious?" Janice asked.

"Indeed." Uncle Deadly told them. "Kermit's ghost has roamed this theater since the his deathday. That Mr. Beauregard," he glared at Beau. "Is why Piggy said she sang with Kermit in her dressing room. He broke a rule. One of the most important rules. Right below eating lasagna on the third Wednesday in March." He stroked his chin. "I might want to call a meeting about that one..."

"What are you talking about Uncle Deadly?" Fozzie asked.

"Kermit is not allowed to have contact with living creatures! In fact, no ghosts are."

The Muppets all gasped.

"What about you man?" Floyd asked. "You're dead, yet you're talkin' to us."

"My connections with the spirit world have given me certain perks. Although I still cannot eat lasagna in March." He sighed. "Nontheless, I have figured out a way into the pig's dream. We'll stop Kermit where he stands, and Piggy will awaken. It will not be easy, but then again, what is?" He smiled.

The Muppets were silent. It was rather scary, the Muppets were almost never silent.

"You expect us," Oscar broke the silence. "To go into the pig's head?"

"Cool!" Gonzo yelled. "Where's my scalple?"

"No you fool, we'll be using Dr. Honeydew's memory projector, and the assistance of my boss."

"My projector? How will that help us?" Bunsen asked.

"Ask questions later." Uncle Deadly told him. "My boss has arrived." He laughed.

Behind the seats, black flames arose from the ground. A tall figure emerged from the flames. He was adorned in a long black hooded cloak. In his right hand he grasped a long scythe. "DEADLY." The figure said with a voice that litterally brought chills to the Muppets bodies.

"Death." Uncle Deadly bowed slightly.

"Elmo doesn't like it here anymore Zoe."

"Oh no! Death has finally come for me!"

"Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!!!"

"Super Grover will save us! Oops, wrong costume. Ha ha ha."

"Holy apple pie!"

"Cool scythe!"

"Bawk bagawwwwwk!!!"

"MEEP!"

"Has anyone seen my contacts?"

"Dios mio!"

"Hold me Prawnie!"

"Who's your tailor? I loooove that outfit!"

"This is not funny."

"QUIET MORTALS." Death's voice rang through the theater. All of the Muppets were silent. "LET'S BEGIN DEADLY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE."

"Fright away sir." He turned to Bunsen. "Honeydew, set up your machine." To Sweetums, "You there, hairy thing, go upstairs and get the pig! As for the rest of you, pick five of you to accompany Death and myself into the pig's dream. And make haste!"


"Cinderella?" Wembley asked Piggy who was sobbing on a wooden bench. "Are you ok?"

"No of course not!" Piggy yelled. "Everyone else in the world is at that ball, and I'm not! Now I'll never see Kermie!"

"I'm sorry who?" Pepe asked.

"Never mind. You wouldn't understand." Piggy sighed.

Wembley stared at the sky. "Hey, hey Gobo?"

"Yeah Wembely?" Gobo said.

"Have you ever seen a shooting star?"

"Yeah why?"

"Because I think there's one heading right for us!" Gobo looked in the air. A ball of light was hurling towards them.

"Run for your..." Rizzo started to yell, but the ball of light crashed right on top of the Fraggles, Rizzo, and Pepe sending them flying.

The light cleared slowly. When it was gone, Gonzo stood there in a bright blue outfit and sunglasses. "Wow!" He cried. "What a landing!"

"Gonzo?" Piggy asked.

"Well, you can call me Fairy Godwhatever." Gonzo walked towards her. "After all, I am your Fairy Godwhatever. Now, what's the problem?" He sat down next to her.

"What's a Fairy Godwhatever?" Piggy asked.

"Oh, that's your problem? Well, that's about the only thing I can't answer! Ha ha!" Gonzo laughed. "Here I thought you had some huge problem or something that my magical powers could cure but..."

"Magical powers! Oh! Well then, I would like a new dress, some shoes, a carriage, a driver, a new purse to match the shoes, a chocolate eclair, and last but not least, I would like to attend the Prince's Royal Ball." She said.

"Wow." Gonzo scratched his head. "Well, I'm all out of eclairs and purses, but the rest I can do!" He stood up and cleared his throat. "Ahem, floggerly doggerly spew!" He pointed his hands at Piggy.

She was encompased in sparkles. Her raggedy clothes were replaced with a beautiful blue dress, and she wore glistening glass slippers.

"Oh! Thank vous Fairy Godwhatever!" Piggy hugged Gonzo. "Um, but does the dress come in something other than blue? It's not really moi's color. But the shoes are great!"

"Sorry, it's a union thing, only blue dresses. Now, we'll need some inanimate object for your carriage, and some furry creatures for your driver and horses." Gonzo said.

"Oh! I have furry things!" She said. "Right over there on the ground. And um..." She scanned the area. She saw a lone zuchinni. "This!" She picked it up and handed it to Gonzo.

"A zuchinni?" Gonzo said. "Cool! Ok, stand back as I work my magic again!" Gonzo threw the zuchinni over by the Fraggles, Rizzo, and Pepe. "Floggerly doggerly spew!" Sparkles of light flooded the area. They turned the zuchinni into a beatiful green stretch limosine. It turned Rizzo into a human driver. Pepe was turned into a man who opened the doors for Piggy. While the Fraggles turned into huge, vibrantly colored horses.

"Oh! Oh my gosh!" Piggy said. "Thank you Fairy Godwhatever! Bye!" She started to run over to the limo.

"Hold it!" Gonzo yelled. "I forgot to tell you the most important part of our little deal. You must be back home by 11:49 PM." Gonzo told her.

"Are you sure it's not midnight?" Piggy asked.

"No, it's quarter to eight. Ha ha!" Gonzo laughed. Piggy stared. "Last time I let the bear write jokes." Gonzo muttered. "But seriously, I don't write the rules, I just preach them. So, go Cinderella! And have fun!" Gonzo waved. The limo drove away being pulled by the horses.

"Cute, she's a cute pig." Gonzo said. He walked over to the hole he made on his landing. "Hmm, I wonder how I get this thing to go in reverse?"

I applaud. I most definately applaud! Fairy Godwhatever! Oh that's priceless. 11:49 PM, how perfect! And a zucchini! Sorry, it's a union thing, only blue dresses. Oh dear goodness, you know if Muppets ever did Cinderella, I bet it would come out an awful lot like Miss Piggy's dream!!

And I LOVE everyone's reactions to Death and what he has to say. Who's your tailor? Perfect! And Telly's reaction to UD, "Oh no! Not him again!" Seems they've met before, I guess, maybe... in someone's dorm room? Nah, what a crazy idea... And again, no lasagna on the third wednesday in March! I love that joke.

So yes, I applaud, and of course I WANT MORE!

Thanks Lisa! More story to come tomorrow. Tonight I'm embarking on a new adventure. It's a new top secret story. I won't post it until this one's finished of course, but I'll have some of it done by then!

Just got caught up, you had posted two chapters that I hadn't had the pleasure of reading yet. Anyway, I love the two plotlines going on! I mean, I know the Cinderella thing is a dream, but you're playing it out so well! I loved the whole scene with the Fairy Godwhatever! And I really loved the scene when Death came in and everyone was chattering in typical Muppet style. Great, great stuff, can't wait to see more!!!!

*points* You sir have another thing to finish before you start on any more Muppet mayhem...nice aliteration..

And Nice Nice Nice cinderella story!!!! And, lovely remarks to ye old' death! Everything is Muppety to an extreme!!!

Chapter 14: The Frog Prince

Uncle Deadly held his hands behind his back. He surveyed the troops. Fozzie, Gonzo, Traveling Matt, Grover, and Rowlf stood in a group. "So, I take it you five will be accompinying us into the pig?" Uncle Deadly asked.

"Yes sir!" Traveling Matt saluted. "I'm always open to explore the new frontier!"

Robin sat in the back of the theater. He hadn't said a word to anyone for hours. "It's not easy bein' green." Robin said to himself. "But, green can be big, and important, and tall." Robin sat up straight. "I'm going to!" Robin yelled.

The Muppet's all turned to Rboin. "I am sorry little frog," Uncle Deadly told him. "Only five people may accompany Death and myself."

"Why?" Robin asked. "I'm small! I won't take up to much room!"

"SILENCE BOY." Death said with his chilling voice. "THOSE ARE THE RULES, AND THOSE THEY SHALL REMAIN."

Uncle Deadly whispered to The Count. "Such a wonderful leader isn't he?"

Rowlf watched Robin sulk back down into the chair. He wiped his eyes. "I'll stay back then." Rowlf said. "They need me here for the show. Cliff and Scooter can't do it without me."

"Alfright then." Uncle Deadly agreed. "Rowlf may stay, and Robin may come."

"Hooray!" Robin cheered. He ran up next to the others. "Thanks Rowlf." He hugged him.

"No problem Robin. Just do me a favor," Rowlf patted his back. "Bring your uncle home."


"Thank you driver, this should be fine." Piggy said as she slowly emerged from her zuchinni limo.

The flashes and noise was amazing when Piggy got out of the car. She walked down the red carpet. "Hello all you beautiful people you! Moi am Miss...Cinderella!" She smiled and waved to the crowds.

"This is Lewis Kazzagar from the wide world of Muppet newscasting!" Lewis Kazzagar said as he walked in front of Piggy. "And this is my co-anchor Mr. M. Newsman!"

"Thank you Lewis." The Muppet Newsman straightened his glasses. "Tonight's top story is shooting stars! Recently, many stars have been shooting! Just caught on tape was Will Smith, he was shooting hoops at a local basketball court in downtown Los Angeles." The Newsman said. "Wait, this just in!" He held his earpiece. "It seems that a shooting star covered in sparkling light is headed right in my general direction!" The Newsman looked up. "All this reporter has to say about that is, not likely."

As soon as the Newsman said that, a sparkling shooting star fell on top of him. The Fairy Godwhatever emerged. "Oops, this isn't downtown Los Angeles." He looked at the flattened Newsman. "Oh, sorry about that." The Fairy Godwhatever backed the sparkling star off the Newsman and into the sky.

The Newsman sat up slowly. His glasses were broke and his hair messed up. "And all this reporter has to say about this," he said dazed. "Is, ow!" He fell on his back.

"Well thank you for that Mr. Newsman." Lewis Kazzagar said. "Now, back to the red carpet. Look there! It's...It's...Who is that?" He asked into the camera.

"Moi am Cinderella. Would vous like an interview?" Miss Piggy asked him.

"Oh yes please if you have time!" Lewis said.

"Um..." She tapped her foot. Then she glanced at the huge clock. It was already 8:49. "Oh, sorry dear, moi must get into the ball sorry!" She ran off into the castle.


"Ready Dr. Honeydew?" Uncle Deadly asked.

"Ready!" Piggy sat in the Muppet Labs Memory Projectatron.

"Good. Take it away Boss." Uncle Deadly motioned to Death.

Death waved his scythe. It opened a hole in the atmosphere. "ENTER." He ordered the Muppets.

"Well, sounds like great fun!" Traveling Matt said. "Goodbye Nephew Gobo! I will send postcards!" He walked into the hole.

The projector lit and sent Piggy's dream onto the wall backstage. Matt was seen in the projection.

"Hey it's Uncle Matt!" Gobo pointed at the projection.

"NEXT." Death said.

"I Su-per Grover will enter next!" Grover said. "I'm coming Froggy babieeee!" He charged into the hole.

He ran onto the projection and inot Traveling Matt. "Oh excuse me furry creature." Uncle Matt dusted himself off. "Have we met?" He asked.

"KEEP IT MOVING." Death told them.

"Looks like fun!" Gonzo said. He ran in.

Fozzie picked up Robin. "Ready Robin?" Fozzie asked.

"Ready Fozzie."

"Be careful little buddy!" Sweetums called.

"I will be Sweetums."

"Good luck guys!" Big Bird said.

Fozzie and Robin walked through the hole. "That's five, five heroes! Ah ah ah!" The Count laughed.

"We shall return." Uncle Deadly told them. "Make sure there is someone watching the projection at all times." He began to walk through the hole.

"Hey spook!" Dr. Teeth called. Uncle Deadly turned to him. "Bring our frog back." Dr. Teeth told him.

Uncle Deadly nodded. He walked through the hole followed closely by Death.

The seven of them stood in front of the castle. "THE PLAN IS SIMPLE." Death told them. "YOU FIVE WILL FIND THE PIG." He motioned to Fozzie, Gonzo, Grover, Matt, and Robin. "AND WE SHALL FIND THE FROG. UNDERSTAND?"

The Muppets nodded. The plan was underway.


Kermit watched the ball below. The honored geusts entered.

The trumpets blared. "Now presenting the honorable Lew Zealand. Archduke of New Zealand!" A man told the atendees.

"Ahh! I'm Lew Zealand! And this," he pointed to a fish in his hand. "Is Darla! My boomerang fish! I throw her away!" He threw her away. "And she comes back to me!" She came back to him and he caught it in his hand. "Ah ha ha ha!" He pointed to the fish.

"Out of my way! Move it fish boy!" Piggy pushed forward.

Kermit peered down at her. She was finally here. Her beauty was radiant as ever. And it was now time.

"Ah sire! I see that girl there has caught your eye!" Fozzie walked in wearing a very dignified robe. "Could she be the one?"

"Yes. She's the one. She always has been." Kermit said. "And after tonight, she always will be."

Excellent. My favorite parts in this chapter were with Robin. I love the "Being Green" lines he used. And I love Rowlf for agreeing to stay back so Robin could help find his Uncle. So touching. And there's still humorous stuff going on here too! This is one of the most interesting fan fics I've ever read and I mean that in a good way!

W-O-W!!! This is the best cinderella story i ever read! And also a very creepy story...

Ok, I'll be posting a new chapter tonight, even though some people still haven't gotten to read the latest one yet. *cough* Lisa *cough* But anyway, next chapter in my next post!

I've read, I've read, I've just been really cruel and not commented. You see when I read it last night, I was just coming off the fast- you know what the first thing I ate was? A muffin. And boy, was it delicious!- So yes, I was just coming off the fast, and realizing I was behind with my homework, so I was in that sort of overwhelmed exhaustion that comes after a big Jewish holiday I miss school for, and then I read that chapter and it was all powerful and like FWOOOOOSHHHHHHHHH! And my ability to communicate was temporarily severly impaired.

But I'm better now! I actually got to eat today! Do you have any idea how wonderful the concept of food is?- sorry, muffining myself again. I love it! And by the way, the impairment of my ability to communicate began at about this point, right here:

OOH! SHIVERS! Shiver shiver shiver shiver shiver!

More please.

Chapter 15: Cheating Death

The five Muppets wandered the ballroom aimlessly looking for Miss Piggy.

"I think we should ask one of those silent creatures over there the strange creatures are sitting on." Traveling Matt suggested.

"But those are chairs, not silent creatures." Grover told him.

"Come on guys let's try and stay focussed!" Fozzie said. "We have to find Kermit!"

"Wow! Check out that fire eater!" Gonzo pointed.

"Really? Where? It sounds astounding, but tell me, how much water does one drink before eating fire?" Matt asked.

"Guys!" Fozzie said.


"Oh I do hope they're careful!" Bunsen said as he watched the Muppets on the projection.

"Man, they've been through worse. And this time, they've got Death with 'em! Nothin's gonna stop 'em now!" Floyd said.

"Right," Scooter said. "Now, the show starts in two hours! We've got some last minute rehearsing." Scooter looked at his clipboard. "Gosh I hope their back before the show starts!"

"Man, we practically can't do the show without 'em." Clifford sighed.

"All this sadness and greif makes me hungry." Oscar told them. "I'm gonna go see if there's a rotten anchovie sandwich outside." He left the room.

"Hey Mokey, where'd you say the Trash Heap was staying?" Gobo asked Mokey.

"Oh, she's right outside!" Mokey said softly.


Piggy mingled in the crowd. She couldn't see Kermit anywhere.


Meanwhile, Death and Uncle Deadly were having the same luck.

"I'M RUNNING A VERY TIGHT SCHEDULE." Death told the phantom.

Uncle Deadly turned his head towards him. "I know Boss, don't worry. We'll find him fright away." I hope. He thought.

"WE BETTER. OR YOU'LL PAY FOR IT."

This won't be the first time. He thought to himself. "Right. No more lasagna for me."

"YOU'VE CHANGED DEADLY." Death peered down at him from his cloak. "YOU USED TO BE POSITIVELY SCARY. BUT NOW, YOU'VE GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR."

"Friends will change you sir." Uncle Deadly said to him. "As will death."

"HMM, INDEED. I HAVE CHANGED MANY MEN."

"And frogs." Uncle Deadly whispered to himself.


Oscar dug through a pile of trash. "This is great stuff here!" He said.
"Oh I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty!
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty!
Yes, I love trash!"

The pile of trash began to move. "Hey what are you doing with my stuff?" The Trash Heap asked.

"Who are you?" Oscar asked her.

Two rats emerged from the trash. "You sir are in the pressence of the all knowing," the green one said.

"Trash Heap! Nyeeeeeah!" Both the green and pink rat said.

"Thank you boys, now shut it! This is my only number!" Marjorie the Trash Heap said.
"I have here a sneaker that's tattered and worn
It's all full of holes, and the laces are torn!
A gift from my mother the day I was born!" She sang.

"Oh we love trash!" Oscar and Marjorie harmonized.

"Anything dirty or dingy or dusty!
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty!" Philo and Gunge; the rats; sang.

"Yes, we love trash!" They all sang.

"I have here some newspaper thirteen months old!
I've wrapped fish inside and it's smelly and cold.
But I wouldn't trade it for a big pot of gold!
I love it because it's trash!" Marjorie sang.

"Oh we love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty!
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty!
Yes we love trash!" The four of them sang.

"You've a clock that won't work and an old telephone!" Oscar sang.

"A broken umbrella!" Philo sang.

"And a rusty trombone!" Gunge continued.

"And I am delighted to call them my own!
I love them because their trash!" Marjorie sang.

"Oh we love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty!
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty!
Yes we love," They all sang. "We love, oh we love trash!" They finished.

"Well that was fun." Marjorie said. "Now, what have you come to me for eh?"

"Me? Oh I just came for a sardine sandwich. You got one?" Oscar asked.

"What? You mean you didn't come to me for advice? I'm the all-knowing Trash Heap!" She said.

"Nyeeeeeah!" The rats said.

"That's enough boys." She told them. "Now there must be something I can give you advice about."

"Well, I geuss we're all kinda grouchy that Kermit's gone. Not that I don't mind, but I was wondering, how can the others um...you know, cope with him being gone?" Oscar asked the all-knowing Trash Heap. Nyeeeeeah.

"Ah, that's a very good question Mr. Grouch." Marjorie told him. "Now, sit back, this may take a few moments."


Kermit watched Death from his balcony. "No, not now, he can't be here now!" Kermit said.

"What's wrong sire?" Count Fozzie asked.

"Nothing. I'm going to the dance floor. If she," he pointed to Piggy. "Leaves, follow her. And get her slipper." Kermit ran off.

"What? Her slipper? But how am I supposed to...Oh never mind." He sat in Kermit's chair.

Oh that is PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!! Oscar and Marjorie singing "I love trash"- I applaud! Okay so I laugh and THEN applaud, but I APPLAUD!

And Matt wants to ask the chairs. Perfect.

And the conversation between UD and Death. It is... ooh. Something... something big is here. I can feel it. There is some sort of priceless gem hiding beneath the cloak of that conversation. I can feel it there, I can see the approximate shape of it, but I can't quite... I don't quite know what it is, what it looks like... but it is there, isn't it?

Oh. And this line? This line right here?

Yeah. That's good. I love that. Lovely. And ever so, so very, FUNNY!