Happy Friday everybody! So, you know how I keep saying there's debauchery and then I don't deliver any debauchery. Well...hold on to your hats, cause this chapter...
DEBAUCHERY!
Okay, it's not like hard core debauchery, but there's some naughty talk and innuendo from four responsible and adult Muppet folk. I've also included the translation (not the literal one) for Piggy at the end.
Enjoy!
V.
Silence reigned over a cozy cabin in the woody part of Northern California. Outside, birds were chirping away, a breeze was lightly blowing through the trees, and the lake glistened under the California sun. Inside that cozy cabin, silence was also reigning, but it wasn’t the peaceful silence that was being exhibited outside.
Four Muppets, which made up two couples, were trying to calm down after discovering their cozy weekend was now essentially ruined. At least, that’s what Scooter and Kermit thought; discovering that you would be sharing what should have been a romantic weekend getaway with one of your closest friends – and both gofer and frog would admit that their friendship was more than that – was not appealing. It was not at all appealing because it tended to highlight the very reasons they had come up in the first place.
Neither was stupid enough to think that nothing was going to happen; certainly, Scooter had been involved in enough of Piggy’s schemes and the very fact that the frog and pig lived together pretty much dictated that they weren’t sleeping in separate bedrooms. Not when everyone around them kept joking and hinting at the possibility of little figs running around. The two could be very lovey dovey when they wanted to be; heck, even when they argued, there was some weird sexual tension that seemed ready to erupt in one form or the other.
Scooter was a big boy now and he knew where Muppets came from and he certainly knew how little bouncing baby figs were made. It did not mean that he wanted to be around when they were being made or thought about being made or hinted at being made. In that course, he would just pretend that the stork would come down and hand over a baby to the couple.
Kermit was equally of that same mind. He loved Scooter and he always tried to advise him and keep him from harm’s way if he could. It hadn’t taken him long to figure out that the theater had been a haven for the boy and whether any of them admitted or not, they had all but adopted him in their little family. The frog had seen the way Scooter and Amanda looked at each other; if he was honest, he’d look that way at Piggy a number of times and it headed in a direction the frog didn’t want to imagine.
Kermit was an adult frog and he was well aware where baby Muppets came from and how they were made. And as he had already mentioned once to Scooter, he was too young to be a grandfather; just because he knew all of this didn’t mean he wanted to be around when baby Muppets were being made or thought about being made or hinted at being made. In that course, he would just pretend that the stork would come down and hand over a baby to the – most definitely and eventually – married couple.
And while Scooter and Kermit were fighting with annoyance and an ick factor they couldn’t escape from if they tried, their girlfriends were perfectly happy in taking their minds off things.
Piggy and Amanda had no issues in this new arrangement. Agreed, they weren’t happy at sharing, but they were both in very well done master bedrooms, both had their own private baths, and both were with men or frogs of their very steamy dreams. While annoyed, neither woman was terribly upset, but could tell their partner was.
In the first master bedroom, Amanda had set her luggage down and turned to an obviously distraught redhead, who was frowning and making small huffing noises. “Scooter…”
“I am so sorry,” he blurted. “This is my fault. I really thought Kermit had it this time, but I should’ve checked. I always check! It’s the reason why nothing doesn’t completely fall apart.” Realizing he had just boasted to being the reason Muppets weren’t running around on fire or that the power couple hadn’t killed each other first, Scooter looked up at his girlfriend in panic.
“Not that I’m saying I’m single-handedly keeping everyone together,” he amended. “Cause I’m not. Usually, I’m part of the problem; what I’m saying is that, I should’ve check to make sure Kermit had the right dates in his phone.”
“Baby,” she said, taking both of his hands in hers. “He did have the right dates. He just forgot to switch the calendar back.”
“Yeah, but that wouldn’t have happened if I had checked on him.”
Any other girl would have taken that little tidbit as a potential smothering problem. Heck, any other girl would have taken this little mix up as a sign that, no matter what they would do, they would never escape these people that he worked with. As Amanda had previously shown, she was not any other girl. While this little tirade may have seemed as though, yes Scooter very much believed he was the only thing that separated Kermit from somehow activating a nuclear weapon via his hardly used smartphone or that he was the only thing that stood between the world and a complete Muppet breakdown, the red head knew what it truly was.
Scooter took his responsibilities to his friends, nay his family, very seriously. It was why he still felt a sense of guilt in not trying to keep Kermit and Piggy together, why he still felt his leaving had caused a rift, and why he bristled when the 80s robot was anywhere near. Scooter was a compassionate guy and he never wanted to see the break up of his family and like any child whose parents go through a divorce, he had immediately thought it had been his fault and that he hadn’t tried hard enough to stop it.
A little overprotective maybe, but completely endearing.
And incredibly sexy.
Sliding her hands up his arms, she cooed, “It was an accident and I don’t know about you, but I’m not about to dwell on it. Now, Ensign Grosse, I’ve been hearing some…interesting reports about you lately and I’d like to look into them a bit further.”
“Mandy?”
She had that look in her eye and Scooter knew that look; it was her sexy look. Now, being a Muppet and a male one at that, Scooter Grosse would turn over his male card if he didn’t admit that he liked Amanda’s sexy look, because it often led to sexy things and Scooter most definitely, most assuredly enjoyed sexy things with Amanda. And he could go on and on about his head and heart wanting to do right by her and when he told her father that he would do his very best not to molest his daughter while on this trip, he was going to hopefully, maybe going to stick to that.
His very male libido had scoffed at that, of course. It wasn’t stupid; there was a reason they were there, away from prying eyes and in a cabin all alone. This was sexy time weekend and Scooter Grosse’s libido had been busy making a list of areas in which sexy time was going to happen, starting with the very room they were in. And she almost had him, too; Scooter’s libido was quite happy at being in Amanda’s arms and was quite happy at being kissed by her, but then that darn brain had to flash an image of Kermit and Piggy looking on, scandalously, and it was the equivalent of being doused with five buckets of freezing cold water.
“Mandy, we can’t.”
“What?”
“We…” the manager stumbled. Why must this woman smell so good, all of the time? “No, we can’t.”
“Oh come on,” she replied, seductively. “What if I was the naughty ensign?”
It literally took Scooter approximately two minutes to respond, which was the two minutes in which he had to push down the first answer that came to mind, which was “yes!”
“I mean…mean…” he stumbled again. “No, not…not that…”
“Oooh,” she whispered. “Naughty librarian then.”
Again, the stage manager had to physically restrain himself from leaving the bedroom, storming across the hall, and kicking the power couple from his cabin. He really had to stop himself from doing exactly that and the only way that would work is if he detangled himself from his girlfriend’s loving embrace.
“Amanda, seriously,” he said, taking a deep breath as he did. “We can’t. We just can’t.”
There was no stopping or hiding the very disappointed look that showed on the Whatnot’s face. Perhaps she had misjudged this; not that they didn’t both love each other, but maybe Scooter thought they were moving too fast, maybe he wanted to wait a little longer…
“Amanda…”
“You don’t want to.”
“What!?” the Muppet exclaimed. Where in the world would she get an idea like that? “Where in the world would you get an idea like that?” Pulling her back towards him, he whispered, “I think it’s already been established that I want you, Amanda Cosgrove. Very, very much and very, very badly.”
“I have noticed, yes,” she smirked.
“And while I would have done my very best to keep my word to your dad,” he continued. “I have a list of ready made lies in case he asked.” That made her giggle. “It is definitely not you; I’d be the worst ensign in Starfleet in it meant being sent to your ready room for…punishment on a constant basis, but…”
“What?”
“I…can’t,” he stressed, his face turning redder than she had ever seen it and the way he refused to look at her was telling in itself. “Not with Kermit and Piggy here and across the hall; I mean, what would they think?”
“That you’re a naughty ensign and as your captain, I’m in my rights to punish you.”
The strangled moan he made was almost worth seeing how far she could go with this, but immediately Amanda knew what the problem was. It would’ve been as though they had invited her father up there to spend the weekend with them; even if both Kermit and Piggy wouldn’t bat an eye at it, it was still disturbing to be intimate when your parentals probably had a good idea of what you were doing.
Sighing in a way that not only signaled her disappointment, but also settled her resignation to it, Amanda hugged her boyfriend tightly before planting a kiss on his cheek. “I love you,” she said.
“I love you,” he echoed, looking at her earnestly. “More than I thought I ever could feel about someone.”
He was killing her! That statement garnered a lingering kiss, before she broke it and sighed. “Statements like that are going to keep you in here with me,” she whispered, dropping another kiss on his lips before breaking away from him.
Grabbing a towel, she made her way towards the shower, but stopped once she got to the doorway. “I’m letting you off the hook this time, Ensign Grosse,” she replied, green eyes flashing. “But next week, I expect to see you in my ready room and I expect a full…oral report.”
Kermit and Piggy could stay in a hotel, couldn’t they? He could probably find them one in the next five minutes and he’d even pay for it…
“Aye, aye,” he gulped, suddenly wishing this trip was over and they were in next week. The look she gave him conveyed the same thing, as well as a slight reprimand for not adding the end to that sentence. Smiling, Scooter did indeed correct his mistake.
“Captain.”
[hr]
On the other side of the cabin, a frog was facing the same dilemma. And his pig was no closing to discovering what the issue was than her counterpart across the hall. “Kermit…”
“I am so sorry!” he blurted, immediately pacing up and down the room. “This is all my fault. I knew I should’ve had Scooter look over the calendar to make sure I did it right. He always checks! It’s part of the reason we haven’t been thrown into prison or a mental facility.”
“Technically…”
“I know, I know,” he continued. “Technically the fake award show was his idea, but we weren’t coming up with anything! That kid’s the only thing keeping me from having a nervous breakdown.”
“Ahem.”
“Present company excluded,” he muttered, absentmindedly. “No, present company included! I can’t think of any one person who would drive me to a nervous breakdown than you.”
“Other than Gonzo.”
“Other than him.”
“Or Fozzie.”
“Mildly.”
“Or anyone else we happen to work with.”
“You’re not helping.”
“That would be the point.”
Taking a seat on the bed, Piggy snagged Kermit’s arm as he went passed, and pulled him down next to her. Delivering several kisses to his cheek, she said, “It was a simple misunderstanding. No harm, no foul. Moi was not upset - ” Here, he looked at her.
“Okay, I was slightly annoyed,” she retorted. “However, you said you were going to take me on a vacation and you have indeed done that. The cabin is lovely and the area is breath taking and if Moi has to spend four days with someone other than you, I think our darling Andrew is a good second, yes?”
“Yeah, I guess,” the frog sighed.
“Aw Kermie,” the diva cooed, peppering her sentences with more kisses. “You have provided four days of sun, beauty, and enjoyment, but Moi being here is beside the point.”
“Funny.”
“Poor baby,” she said. “Moi knows just the thing. Pardonnez-moi, Capitaine, je suis un pauvre passager clandestin.”
“Well Miss,” the frog replied, running a finger along one of her thighs. “I have a strict policy against stowaways and…”
Kermit’s brain, or some of it, immediately reminded him where he was and who he was with and it pulled the brakes on the expressway. “Wait, no,” he said, pulling away from her. When that didn’t work, he actually stood up and on the second try, managed to get to shaking feet. “No, no no no no.”
“What?”
“No Piggy,” he insisted. “We absolutely cannot.”
Looking at him in confusion, she asked, “I thought you liked playing stowaway?”
Kermit couldn’t stop the heat that rushed to his cheeks. Oh yes, he did indeed enjoy playing stowaway; very much so. “I…I do,” he stammered. “And we will enjoy playing it when we are away from here. I mean, Scooter and Amanda are across the hall! What would they think?”
Huffing, she looked at him. “That we’re obviously playing stowaway.”
“No,” he stressed. Seeing the dangerous glint in those baby blues, Kermit took his chances by actually sitting down next to her again. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise, but we’ll make the best of this, like you said. It’s…it’s a really beautiful cabin and the area is great for walks or whatever you wanna do.
“And it’s only four days with one of our favorite people who is probably equally ready to get rid of us. We can make this work, yeah?”
Kermit waited for an answer. And waited. And waited. “Darlin’?”
While Piggy knew Kermit meant well, it was still a bit irksome that they weren’t going to do what the obvious plan called for them to do. But he had made good points, which were her points, and really, when she considered it, she had meant what she said.
It didn’t mean she had to let him know that or that she wasn’t a bit annoyed by the change of plans.
Which she showed him with a great big kiss, before pushing him away and muttering about it, in French.
“Stupides, grenouilles louable. S'inquiète de leurs dignités, vous savez, si je ne vous aimais pas tellement, je serais vraiment en colère, mais je ne suis pas parce que vous êtes incroyablement doux pour même se soucier de comment la situation allait regarder, mais je vous le savez. Vous voulez que je si mauvais que ça fait mal. Je peux le voir dans vos yeux, si vous pensez…”
The last part was caught off when Piggy entered the master bathroom and Kermit thought she said ‘incredible’ in French, but he wasn’t really sure. In fact, he wasn’t really sure about any of what she said.
“None of that sounded like terms of endearment!” he shouted after her.
[hr]
Thirty minutes spent in couple time out had actually done the opposite of what each couple had hoped. While Scooter and Kermit had been increasingly worried that their alternative plans for the weekend was known to the other and now those plans were down the toilet, their girlfriends had been happy to just get over it and enjoy their weekend.
What had ultimately happened was that Scooter and Kermit locked their libidos in…romantic jail, which let them believe no one was the wiser of what they were up to. Because they weren’t going to be up to anything, nothing at all. There was nothing innuendo-ish about anything they were doing up there. Amanda and Piggy, on the other hand, had been looking forward to innuendo; they had packed in accordance with sexy time rules and now their libidos were a pin drop away from anarchy.
Out of respect, they would nod and pretend they weren’t planning on seducing someone in that cabin that weekend.
“So we had a miscommunication,” Amanda was saying. The quartet was assembled in the front area, with Scooter, Piggy, and Kermit sitting on the couch, while the Whatnot leaned next to the fireplace; all four were doing their best to think up couple things to do with an extra couple.
“No harm, no foul,” she continued. “I’m sure we can find something to do for four days without stepping on anyone’s toes. And it is just four days; what’s the worse…”
All three Muppets interrupted her by stating, “Never say piece of cake in the labyrinth.”
Which was answered when Piggy punched both Muppet and frog on either side of her in the thighs, saying, “Jinx.” as she did so.
“Amanda makes a perfect point,” she added, unheeded by the groans of pain next to her. “We have plenty of food and a big enough area that we can stay out of each other’s way, while taking in the scenic views. I’m sure there are plenty of games we could play together.”
And like that, all four immediately thought of the games they could play, if the other group wasn’t there. That immediately set off a panic button in both Scooter and Kermit, both of whom hadn’t planned on playing any game that included other people and was very much clothing optional. Heck, Kermit had been happy enough to not even pack if Piggy hadn’t insisted she wanted to leave their room at least once during their stay.
“I’m sure there’s gotta be a pack of cards around here somewhere,” Scooter mumbled, gulping as he did.
“You know what’s good?” Kermit piped up. “Bird watching. Bird watching is the time old art of watching majestic birds in flight and discovering the type of bird they are, in all their majestic flight and types.”
There was about a minute of silence before Amanda quickly asked, “Is anyone else hungry?” which was actually and luckily the question that overwrote the “Is anyone else uncomfortable?” question that had immediately popped into her mind. The other three were just as eager to leave this conversation as she and they all headed in to the kitchen.
Piggy's French Translation (intended anyway)
"Pardonnez-moi, Capitaine, je suis un pauvre passager clandestin.” = "Pardon me, Captain, but I am a poor stowaway."
“Stupides, grenouilles louable. S'inquiète de leurs dignités, vous savez, si je ne vous aimais pas tellement, je serais vraiment en colère, mais je ne suis pas parce que vous êtes incroyablement doux pour même se soucier de comment la situation allait regarder, mais je vous le savez. Vous voulez que je si mauvais que ça fait mal. Je peux le voir dans vos yeux, si vous pensez…” =
"Stupid, commendable frogs. Worried about their dignities, you know if I didn't love you so much, I'd be truly upset, but I'm not because you are incredibly sweet for even worrying about how the situation would look, but I know you. You want me so bad it hurts. I can see it in your eyes, so if you think..."
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