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It Was Me

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by LinkiePie<3, Apr 30, 2011.

  1. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    Well, this is going to be my "new" first Muppet fan-fic, starring Link Hogthrob as our protagonist and narrator. <3

    ~Chapter 1

    It was a typical evening in the late 1970's. I, Link Hogthrob was looking for employment in the theatre industry. Soon, I had come across an ornate, yet ancient looking theatre, titled Muppet Theatre. The theatre was at least a century old. Though, for a man as handsome as me, I would bring in a little sunshine of my natural curse. Hey, I like sunny days.

    "Wayne, Wanda... you're fired!"

    A certain sage-colored amphibian outraged himself at some Nelson Eddy and Janet McDonald look-alike humanoid Muppet beings.

    "But Kermit. We-"

    '"Kermit! I am the Wayne Cornelius Butkus III. Why do you have to be so conceited? It's like that you've never heard of me; Wayne Cornelius Butkus III! I was topped on the Billboard, twice in Japan. I am the star!"


    I slowly opened the door, and wore a small welcoming smile.

    "Why, hello." I entered backstage. "I am looking for a frog, named Kermit T. Frog. I am currently looking for a job at the Muppet Theatre. Why, I am an unbelieveable actor, and crooner. I--"

    Some fair-haired crooner stepped in, toward my face. I guess he was not that appreciative by my presense. He must be envious. I hoped.

    "A star? Impossible. You're a pig! A pig! It all must be surreal. Kermit, you just can't--"

    "I think he's kinda cute, Wayne. So, shuddup!" She shared a warm smile, and introduced herself. I felt much better. "Hello there, sir. I am Wanda--"

    "Why, thank you, my lady." I slowly knelt down, and kissed the female singer's velety hand. She sighed, blushing her wealed cheeks; tickling her throat into a vague giggle.

    Her crooner grunted.

    "Why , I..." He paused, stifly, like I'm supposed to keep track of our small talk. "Come on, Wanda. Let's proceed, now! This joint is now going to stink with pig manure. Pigs! Bah!"

    I watched the duo jolt out of the theatre. The chesnut-haired crooner pretty much annoyed me in total disgust. Though, I sympathize his fine young maiden. Now they're fired, I would have more of an opportunity to find employment. Which the frog is fair enough to offer, to a pig!

    Kermit welcomed me with a smile. He shooked his webbed hands, clasping my porcine-like fingers. He introduced himself to me, and I introduced myself to him. To begin our conversation, I started to ramble about my employment history at the Sty High Theatre. Yes, I was in a few musical productions, of course. I was the leading player in most of the productions.

    Kermit seemed to enjoy my company.

    "Well, then, Mr. Hogthrob. It's good that you have the interest to work at the Muppet Theatre. Well, I'll scheldule you for a job interview in a few days. I do have this new televised sketch that would be perfect for a pig, like you."

    I sighed.

    "Is that supposed to be an offense, Kermit? You shouldn't make a pique. It would emotionally hurt the species. Otherwise, I would like to see the script. May I?"

    His reply seemed rather dull.

    "Yeah... whatever."

    Kermit was just so kind enough to give me the privilege to audition. He handed the fair-conditioned; 8-paged script to me. I glanced through the script, and studied the dialogue.

    Hope got me, there.

    "Well, pretty simple, there. It was quite alright."

    Kermit smirked a small smile. He was full of appreciation.

    "Well, Mr. Hogthrob. I think I've found my captain, here. We'll see, though. You must audition first."

    "Sounds good to me." I changed the subject. "Though, who's going to be moi's mate? Miss Piggy?"

    "It may be possible. She is our biggest star. She-"

    I cut off, letting out a scoff.

    "Is that supposed to be a pun? She is our biggest star!"

    "That's enough now, Link. Now, well, we do have other female pigs who have the urge to audition. I'll get my list, now."

    I crossed my legs in a sophisticated manner. I was fiddling my thumbs, unpatiently as I watched the frog-like employer grip onto an average-sized clipboard; which included a list of the porcine cast members who desire to audition for that role.

    "Well, then... we have Miss Piggy, Lydia the Tatooed Pig, Lonnie Swaunne, Loretta Swine, Martha Hoghorn, Annie Sue Pig, Bertha Sow, and Raquel Porkbelly. Does that help you, there?"

    I nodded.

    "Okay, I don't really need to know that." I quickly glanced at my watch. "Well, I got to go now, Kermit. I'll see you in a few day. Oh, and don't forget to schedule the appointment for my job interview. I must be fabulous, which I am."

    Kermit pursed his lips, vaguely letting out a big sheesh!

    I proceeded out of the theatre, and walked home. I just had to. It was football, and poker night with the boys. Well, time for some chips and beer!
  2. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    A Link Hogthrob fic? Oh please please keep going! Just the idea is making me grin... :)
  3. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    Aw. Thank you! I am so glad that you're enjoying it, so far! =33

    I just completed the first chapter, though some editing needs to be done. XP
  4. Rose

    Rose Member

    Well I certanly liked what you have written so far... can't waite for your next installment.
  5. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Rose. =3

    Though, I wish I had more time to edit a few typos, .__., I am excited to write the next chapter sometime today or this week. :)
  6. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    It Was Me
    ~Chapter 2

    I returned to the Muppet Theatre, one day after my interview with my fellow employer, Kermit. I was quite psyched to work as a cast member and actor. I was a privilege. Supposed today, I would meet my deary porcine women for the Pigs in Space audition.

    Suddenly, the first arrival quite had a fetish for frogs. Why not me? Anyway, she, of course was known as Miss Piggy. Who'd be stupid to not know that fine young creature; she had blue eyes, blonde hair, flutting lashes, satin purple gloves, and of course, stardom.

    By the clank of her pumps, she walked over to me. I was a bit timid at first. Though, I may not be an open guy, I was meeting her liquid blue eyes for the first tme. I was quietly lusting.

    "Well, aren't you the handsome young man who's gonna audition with moi?"

    "Yeah, who else?" I duly replied. I felt kind of dumb.

    "Hey! Watch it, buster!" She snapped.

    "I think you're kind of cute. Aren't you supposed to be cute, anyway? Like me, indeed."

    Miss Piggy scowled at me.

    "Can we just go on with the stupid audition, already? Okay, WHERE IS THE FROG?"

    I complimented.

    "Why would you need to audition, anyway, my dear? You are the star, you know."

    Her etiqutte was quite charming; she smile was quite meek, though I would just say she half-smiled at me. I felt loved, already, though, I perfer to love myself, first.

    "Why, merci, cher." She pushed her hair and plushed her porcine lips. She grew a bit of tension. "Now, can we just GO ON WITH THE STUPID AUDITION, ALREADY! WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER HERE, FROG!"

    Though, I do not understand french, and I am no Cher, of course. Though, I'd be Piggy's Sonny to her Cher. I'm a man. Wait, I think she'd meant thank you. I don't know.

    After about a half hour of our usual small talk, our boss came down, backstage. Our audition just begun.

    I had another idea, though. I cleared my throat, let out a big ahem, and crooned in a baritone pitch, with pride:

    Wunderbar, wunderbar!
    There's our fav'rite star above.
    What a bright, shining star,
    Like our love, it's wunderbar!

    Kermit gasped. Piggy angled away from me.

    "Well, um... not bad, Mr. Hogthrob. But PLEASE READ THE SCRIPT!"

    "Yeah! Moi's not gonna waste her time in this ancient joint! SO GET ON WITH IT, AND READ THE DUMB SCRIPT!" She huffed at me.

    "Unfortonately, Kermit, please do not be so frazzled. I, Link Hogthrob cannot read."

    "Heh, ironic, Link. Okay, well, we will try again another time, then. Practice!"

    "Why would I need to practice?"

    "Then, what do you want to do? I cannot cast you if you do not audition."

    "Fine, then. I must go now. Bye."

    "Oh, good grief." Kermit pursed his lips, in frustration.

    I sulked, and proceeded in dismay. I bowed down my head and sighed, looking down at the cracked pavement on the sidewalk, all broken and feeble. I literally cried my eyes out.


    A few days had passed. I was at my apartment; I was watching some late afternoon television, with the script in one hand and a beer is gripped to my right hand. Though, it may be a peeve to some, but I wouldn't mind my beer gut exposing. I felt like poop, and depressed after the incident at the theatre a few days behind.

    Eventually, the phone rang. I fidgited nervously, and slowly picked up the reciever before its final ring.

    "Hello? It's Link Hogthrob. Hello? Hello? Huh? What the-"

    There was silence.

    "Link? Link... LINK!"

    It was Miss Piggy.

    "Huh, huh, what is it? Oh... hi, Piggy. How are you today, my dear?"

    "Heh, I'm doing good, dear. I'm just wondering, would you like to join moi for the evening... maybe out to dinner? How about at that old baroque joint down the block? Let's say... tomorrow at eight P.M. Bye!"

    I paused, and let the silence hit me.
  7. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    I meant "It was a privilege." D:!

    Another Typo:
    Also, I'd meant to say "fluttering," not flutting in the beginning of chapter 2. :p
  8. Kiki

    Kiki Active Member

    Oooh, this is such a joy to read, Angie. ;3 I'm really enjoying it- keep it up! Link is a big fave of mine. :3 :)
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  9. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    Aw. Thank you, lovely. *snugs* <3 Link is also one of my big faves. Such a mommy's boy, he is. XPPP
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  10. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    I think Link is a smidge too smart here, LOL, but I see you have a good sense of his essence: his arrogance. Was it ever mentioned that he was illiterate? 'Cause if you made that up ... good for you.
  11. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    LOL! For a simple-ish writer... I'd be honored to share Link's non complex for words... or, would I say his inner-voice XP; yet, his nature, and maturity would all be bittersweet at some stiuated, intimite matter. :flirt:

    Thank you for reading, Kelly. <3 I'll keep that in mind for future installments. =33
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  12. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    It Was Me

    Chapter 3


    I was in my bedroom, setting up for my date with Miss Piggy; there, you would see me wearing my well-cut tux, and my best cologne, which I sprayed on about three times; on my neck, and on each of my bottom wrists where my gray vains are seen (I hope I don't smell funny). As I was about to depart, I checked my handsomeness self in the mirror for a quick double check. I am looking good, I thought to myself.

    As I got outside, I was leaning aganist the brick veneer, and dropped my head down, picking the lint that was stuck on my dress pants. Miss Piggy didn't show up yet. I let out a sigh, thinking she wouldn't show up.

    An hour had passed-- don't ask me what time it is. I dropped my arms to my sides, as I thought to myself again-- She'll never show up. I cannot take it anymore... I would be missing my bowling shows; yeah, I cry at the sad parts. Instead of complaining, I would man up, and patiently await for her arrival-- would I lose my patience? You decide, my friend. It's been a while now. She probably had frogotten all about me.

    As I waited, I quietly sang a little tune to myself...

    Whenever I feel afraid
    I hold my head erect
    And whistle a happy tune
    So no one will suspect
    I'm afraid.

    While shivering in my shoes
    I strike a careless pose
    And whistle a happy tune
    And no one ever knows
    I'm afraid.

    The result of this deception
    Is very strange to tell
    For when I fool the people
    I fear I fool myself as well!

    I whistle a happy tune
    And ev'ry single time
    The happiness in the tune
    Convinces me that I'm not afraid.

    Make believe you're brave
    And the trick will take you far.
    You may be as brave
    As you make believe you are

    You may be as brave
    As you make believe you are

    Suddenly as I was singing my little song, a new voice was heard-- but, before the new feminine voice was heard, I heard some sort of weird honking noise. I began to startle.​

    "Mon capitaine," said the quite sexy new voice... "are vous ready for our intimite little date? Moi will be waiting..."​

    "Okay, Piggy honey," I replied as I was setting myself inside the fancy limo we've rented. "I'm here," as I drapped my arm around her neck. I was just making sure she was nice, and cozy. She batted her eye lashes as she was studying her face in her makeup mirror. I think she liked the gentle touch of my cleft arm.​

  13. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    May I just say -- I LOVE it that Link cries at the sad parts of televised bowling. Awww...so do I, honey....

  14. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    *offers Newsie a tissue* <3

    Thank you for reading. :)
  15. DramaQueenMokey

    DramaQueenMokey Well-Known Member

    Angie I love this! And I love where you mention Link's bowling shows :) I'm so hooked :D
  16. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, my dear. <3 Glad my ficcy found love pour vous. XD
    DramaQueenMokey likes this.
  17. MissPiggyfan1

    MissPiggyfan1 New Member

    i like this
  18. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Glad you liked it. :)
  19. LinkiePie<3

    LinkiePie<3 Well-Known Member

    It Was Me

    Chapter 4

    As Miss Piggy, and I rode inside the limo, Miss Piggy angled her face straight to me, as if my face shown its manly; undying glow. She batted her thick, black eyelashes at me again in such a flirtatious manner--

    "Oh, Link... mon capitanie..."

    I gulped, "Y-yes, Miss Piggy?"

    "Isn't the night beautiful, mon chere?"

    "Yes, my dear. The moon has such a glow, but the moon isn't you at all... the view is too small to make a comparison between a big pig, and a shiny, microscopic circle."

    Miss Piggy glared at me. "What?!"

    I redeemed. "Yes--I--I mean no... your glow's as, uhh, shiny as the moon's."

    "Is that so," she smiled. "You know, Link. You flaunt in such a sexy way, no man could ever do. I mean, you're so macho, so ravishing, so..."

    She pulled me closer aganist her chest, then my lips pressed aganist Miss Piggy's wet lips-- we kissed. I was quite dumbfounded.

    "How about a smidge of chapstick next time? That was kind of dry. No offense, honey."

    Miss Piggy angerily wailed. "Link... how could you say such a replusive thing to me

    Listen Buster, that is no way to flatter a woman. Don't you understand that hurt me?" she sniffed.

    I redeemed again. "No."

    "Link. At least say something compassionate, or I'll throw you into the heap!" she cried.

    "Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I suffer from stupidity, but you know I'm beautiful."

    Miss Piggy giggled.

    "Link, dear. I think we're here already. Can vous be a gentleman, and lead me to the fancy dining facility?"

    I cringed nervously, trying my best to man up, "Y-Yes, dear."

    I slowly got out, then offered Miss Piggy my hand to dispart from the limo. I was the one who had to tip the chauffeur a twenty.

    I eleganty held the door open for Miss Piggy. I tipped my hat,

    "After you, my dear."

    "Merci, grand garçon."


    "Link, you stupid boy... I meant 'Thank you, big boy.' How silly of moi."

    I jumped into the conclusion, "That I am, but I'm a man."

    "Link. Would you kindly hold my purse. I must run to the little girl's room."

    I nodded my anwser, and held her purse casually as I waited.

    Miss Piggy. Oh, Miss Piggy, my heart, and soul-- everything had to go her way. Women.
  20. DramaQueenMokey

    DramaQueenMokey Well-Known Member

    Link! How dare he insult Piggy and not realize it! I would have HIYA-ed him myself, but maybe Piggy's saving that for later ^^

    Cute :3

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