Chapter 18: Something Important
Rowlf barreled through the end of A Christmas Song, his paws flying over the white and black keys. After the last note had died away, Piggy looked at Kermit unhappily.
“Kermit, I don’t think this is working.”
Kermit frowned. “Me either,” he admitted. He looked at Piggy dismally. “What are we doing wrong?”
“I don’t think it’s us,” Piggy said, suddenly serious. “I don’t think it’s the song, either. I think the song is just not, I don’t know, us.”
Kermit shuffled music. “What about Merry Christmas Darling?”
“That’s really more of a solo,” Piggy said.
"What she said," Rowlf echoed.
“Yeah. Um, what about Winter Wonderland.”
“Too hokey,” Piggy said immediately. “We need something with a little more, um, attitude.”
“Attitude, attitude,” muttered Rowlf, shuffling through a box of sheet music. “I may have something here.” He found what he’d been digging for and handed it over.
“Christmas with the Brat Pack?” Kermit said, somewhat surprised.
“Yeah. It’s a good collection. I got it for Johnny, but that was just the one song.” Rowlf took the book back and flipped pages, then handed the book open back to Piggy. “Look at that one—that more what you’re looking for?”
Piggy was mouthing the words, beating a tempo with her hand on her thigh. “Ooh,” she squealed. “I know this song—it’s from that movie—“
“Neptune’s Daughter,” Rowlf supplied.
“That’s it—that’s the one!”
Kermit came and looked over Piggy’s shoulder. “Oh, right—I know this one.”
Kermit and Piggy looked at each other, smiling as though sharing a secret. Piggy shook herself a little and turned to Rowlf. “Kermit bought that movie for me a long time ago for Christmas. Esther Williams is in it, and there’s a water ballet.”
“Oh, gotcha,” Rowlf said, finally let in on the secret. “Want to try it?”
“Sure.”
“All right.”
Rowlf went perfectly still, his hands poised over the piano keys, then launched into an intro that seemed to require more piano keys than were on a regular piano, but Piggy and Kermit just smiled, and jumped into the music when it rolled past.
“I really can't stay,” Piggy sang.
“Baby it's cold outside,” Kermit joined in.
“I've got to go away,”
“But, Baby it's cold outside.”
“This evening has been—“
“Um….” Rowlf trailed off, his nimble fingers stilling on the keys. “Um, can I make a suggestion?”
“Of course.”
“Sure, Rowlf.”
“Keep in mind this is just the dog talking here, okay, so if you don’t like it, you don’t have to—“
“Rowlf.” Kermit’s voice was firm. “Tell us what’s on your mind.”
“Flip it.”
“Beg pardon?” said Piggy.
“Reverse it, like we did this morning. Kermit, you be the one trying to leave and Piggy, well….” Rowlf smiled at here. “You know what to do, doncha?”
Piggy gave him a look but she was blushing prettily. When Rowlf ran the intro and Kermit said his first stammering lines, Piggy came on strong and sultry. If Rowlf had been wearing a collar, it would have gotten tight.
“I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away – But, Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice My mother will start to worry – So handsome, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry – Sweetie-pie, please don't hurry
well maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour
The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, you sure looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, ma’am - Mind if I come and hold your hand At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside,” they sang together.
Piggy’s arms were around his neck now, and although he was supposed to be trying to extricate himself, his arms had settled familiarly around her hips.
“Gosh,” Kermit thought suddenly. “She smells great.” He didn’t know if it was perfume, shampoo or just plain soap-and-water, but Piggy smelled delectable. He tried to keep his mind on what he was singing.
I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - My, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before
I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your coat - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cold outside
Baby it's cold outside.”
“Now, wasn’t that nice?” Rowlf said.
“Um, very nice,” Kermit said foggily.
“Uh huh,” Piggy said, her voice soft.
“Anybody need me to run anything again?”
Nobody answered him, and Rowlf swung around on the piano stool. Piggy and Kermit had gotten into the spirit of the song and Kermit had, if anything, pulled Piggy more firmly into his embrace. As often happens with piano players, Rowlf felt himself to be superfluous after the song was over. The singers were gazing at each other dreamily as Rowlf coughed, gathered up his papers noisily and made for the door.
“Um, Rowlf?”
Kermit’s voice stopped him and he half-turned, but Kermit didn’t look at him as he spoke.
“Yeah Kermit?”
“Will you tell Scooter to send everybody on a lunch break? I have…something important I need to take care of.”
“Oh, sure. Sure thing, Kermit.” He paused at the door. “How ‘bout I take Robin with me for a sandwich or something? Then we can run through his song for the second half a coupla times. Haven’t gotten to see the kid much this trip.”
“That would be great,” Kermit said. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Rowlf said, careful not to smile until he was all the way out in the hall with the door locked behind him. He met Scooter coming down the hallway from the kitchenette.
“Hey, Scooter,” Rowlf called. “Kermit asked me to tell you to send everybody to lunch.”
“Okay,” said Scooter, thinking that a little grub wouldn’t be half bad about now. He couldn’t say for certain, but he was pretty sure that the last thing he’d had to eat some of Sara’s Mom’s apple crumble the night before. “Um, where is Kermit?”
Rowlf kept his voice carefully neutral. “I left him and Piggy in the music room. They’re, um, working on something.”
“Oh, good,” said Scooter. “I’ll bet it’s their duet for the second half.”
“Something like that,” Rowlf said vaguely, then smiled. “Best leave ‘em to it.”
“You folks look like you’re from out of town,” said Mabel, putting four bowls of cold tomato and basil soup in front of the diners. She plopped down a basket filled with hot, thick-crusted rolls in the middle of the table and poured glasses of iced tea all around.
“We from out of this century,” quipped the shorter of the two gentlemen, and they both laughed uproariously. This show of wit was greeting with strained tolerance by the two women, who shot Mabel a pleading look of embarrassment.
“So’s my wardrobe,” the good-natured mole shot back. The men chortled appreciatively and the women looked relieved. “So, what brings you folks to the Palace. Come to play for some high stakes?”
“The only thing I gamble on is round trip tickets,” said the taller, thinner man with the obviously dyed dark hair. Again, both men laughed heartily while the women looked at each other miserably. Mabel shot them a sympathetic look and winked at Astoria Waldorf. Normally, this sort of cheek from a waitress would have garnered a frosty look, but this show of compassion was warmly received instead. The women were obviously out of their element.
“So, not a gambling crowd,” mused Mabel. “What else has the Palace got that you folks like?”
“Um, it’s free,” said the first man.
Mabel gave them a look. “The bosses that be must be losing their collective marbles. I never known ‘em to give anything away for free.”
“It was this raffle, see,” continued the first man. “One afternoon I was home and I got a call asking me to answer some questions about amphibians in show business.” He looked at his companion with raised eyebrows. “Couldn’t think of very many,” he muttered. “There’s that one that sells insurance and, um, one that sings Ragtime Gal and—“
“Um, Waldorf?”
“Yes, Statler.”
“You’re babbling, you old coot. If you keep on like this, the soup’s going to get hot.”
“Oh, sorry,” Waldorf muttered. “Next thing I know, I get a call saying how I was the lucky winner of a random drawing of all the people polled and, well, here we are on an all-expenses-paid trip to Las Vegas.”
“Well, ain’t that somethin’ else,” said Mabel. “Whatcha gonna do while you’re here?”
“Oh, shop, relax,” said one of the women quickly. “Just take it easy.”
“See some shows,” the men said. “We’re looking forward to doing a little, um, audience interaction with the performers.” The women looked pained, but resigned.
“Oh, we got some great shows here! We got a musician, we got a great trio of Elvis impersonators-God rest his soul--and we got a new variety act just this week.”
“As long as you don’t have any bears,” said the second man.
“Just one,” said Mabel with a big smile, heading back toward the kitchen. Inwardly, she sighed. It looked like the bear in the hat was right—trouble had come for a visit.
Kermit had only managed to claim about three soul-stirring smooches before he felt Piggy pulling away.
“Hey,” he said softly. “Where are you going?”
Piggy sighed and ran her hand lightly around his neck and down the curve of his cheek.
“What do you mean where am I going?” she said. “I heard you tell Rowlf you had something important to take care of.”
There was a surprised silence and then Kermit let out a chuckle and pulled Piggy back into his arms. He was laughing as he kissed her again.
“What?” she said, compliant but utterly bewildered.
Kermit pressed a kiss against her neck and snuggled in until his mouth was close to one of her velvety pink ears.
“Piggy, Honey,” Kermit murmured, completely amused. “You’re the important thing I need to take care of.”
“Oh,” Piggy said, suddenly comprehending, then, “Oh! Ooooh, mon capitan….”
“Okay, ladies,” Howard said. “That was possibly the worst example of synchronized dancing I’ve ever seen.” He turned away from them as though the sight of them was unbearable and pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a crushing headache (which he probably did.)
If he’d hoped to intimidate them by his criticism, he failed miserably. The four young women cut each other sly glances and giggled.
“Well at least,” whispered Amy Lu, “he didn’t call us clod-hoppers this time.” They all giggled again.
As if sensing their merriment, Howard turned around quickly, only to find them all looking at him like honor roll school girls, their gazes demure and respectful of his authority.
“This is it,” thought Sally Ann. “This is the time when I burst out laughing right in front of the ol’ dear and he tattles on me to Kermit.” Despite her fears, however, she clamped on to her composure long enough for the diatribe to end and for Howard to send them backstage to start over.
“Well he isn’t crying,” said Gloria Jean, ever the optimist. “He’s usually crying by this time.”
They all made clucking sounds of what might have been sympathy but could have been mirth.
“If I have to do this same ol’ kick routine one more time, I might cry,” muttered Laura May. Gloria Jean patted her on the back sympathetically and walked with her to the other side of the stage while she gave the other girls significant looks and mouthed “boyfriend problems.” The other girls made little “ohs” of silent concern and took their place in the wings on the other side.
“I’m waiting,” Howard called testily. “And a one-two-three-four—”
With a giggle and a big smile on her face, Sally Ann high-kicked her way onto to stage with Amy Lu, meeting Gloria Jean and Laura May in the center of the stage. By the time they were eight stanzas into the song, Laura May couldn’t even remember the name of her errant boyfriend, twirling and kicking with the other girls to the music that played in their heads while Howard beat out a relentless tempo with his hand tapping his hip.
“This is the life!” thought Amy Lu as she whirled by. “Clodhopper or not, I’m a showgirl in Las Vegas! And tomorrow night, I am one-hundred percent officially a Vegas show girl!”
“I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night,” Robin sang soulfully. Although initially skeptical about singing this song, the positive reaction of almost every member of the cast had won the little frog over and he now sang with gusto and just enough child-like faith that every adult in wanted to snatch him up and pinch his cute little cheeks.
Luckily for Robin, he and Rowlf were alone now just off stage near the piano. They had opted for one of Mabel’s sack lunches which had been available in the little kitchenette at noontime and, having been thoroughly fed and watered, Rowlf walked himself, Robin and Animal around the block for a little exercise before escaping into the coolth of the casino. Once Animal had been returned to the care of Floyd and Janice, they had settled into the serious business of practice.
Halfway through the song, Gonzo and Rizzo wandered backstage and each one sat on one of the brightly colored cubes used in Dream Girls, which were stored until they ran the song again.
“Nice pipes, kid,” said Rizzo when Robin has finished. “You’re doing a great job on your breathing. You been working on it?”
“Yeah,” Robin said, trying to be airy about it but thrilled that someone had noticed. “I’ve been working on my breath control like Uncle Kermit taught me.”
“How’s the guitar coming?” Gonzo asked.
Robin sighed and looked downcast. “It’s so big,” he said dejectedly. “I can’t really get a grip on it yet.” He looked up, eyes brightening. “But I’m doing really well on the ukulele!”
Gonzo patted Robin on the back.
“Glad to here it pal—you’re going to be my competition in no time.”
“So, Babe—you got everything you need?”
Janice smiled and handed over the last third of her vegetarian pita wrap to Floyd as they sat on the hotel patio. “I am, like, stuffed and this sparkling mineral water is like, so refreshing in this heat.” She patted her completely flat abdomen ruefully. “Want to finish my veggie-wrap for me?”
Floyd was considering it, but he wasn’t quite fast enough. Animal swallowed it in one big gulp, making Floyd count his fingers twice to be sure they were still there.
“Veggie! Veggie!”
“Hey now, Animal,” Floyd said mildly. “Watch my string fingers.”
“Where did Lips get to?” Janice asked. “I thought he was, like, going to come with us.”
Floyd leaned over and put his arm around Janice’s shoulder. “What I want to know,” he said smoothly, “is where your lips got to? Heh heh heh.”
“Oh, Honeybunch,” said Janice. “You are so, like, romantic.” They managed one very reassuring kiss before Animal began to strain on his leash again.
“Okay, okay,” Floyd said. “I’ll take you around the block again.”
As Janice disappeared into the air conditioning, Floyd hummed a little to himself and started the long hot walk around the block again. Walking Animal had been an excuse earlier to sight-see, and Floyd looked with interest at the places they were passing. Tattoo parlors, clubs and more clubs, casinos and more casinos and the occasional unexpected place of business. Floyd stopped in front of one little steepled building and stared at the neon guitar over it’s double doors with something akin to awe.
“The Hard Rock Chapel of Eternal Jams,” Floyd Pepper read off the sign out front. “I have just got to show this place to Janice.”
It was quiet in the music room. The piano was silent, the instruments mute and there was only the occasional rustle of noise from the two figures cozied up against the far wall. Piggy’s head rested on Kermit’s shoulder, her arms tight around his middle, and one of Kermit’s hands played with the softly curling locks of Piggy’s hair that framed her face.
“Sometimes I still can’t believe you’re really mine,” Kermit murmured.
Piggy stirred but did not lift her head from his chest. “Oh yeah? Well, you better get used to it, buster, cause you’re stuck with me.”
Kermit laughed, brushing the hair back from her face with gentle fingers.
“When I lived in the swamp, I used to talk to a star,” Kermit said softly.
Piggy lifted her head and looked at him. “Your muse,” she said, remembering everything he’d told her.
“Yeah. Talking to a star was one thing, but I never tried to touch one.” He reached out and cupped her face in one strong, slim hand. “I never dreamed I’d be holding one.”
“Oh, Kermie,” Piggy said, and there were tears in her eyes and in her voice.
“I mean, I’m just a frog that can sing and dance a little.”
Piggy smiled. “You can play the banjo, too.”
Kermit smiled back. “Oh—is that why you married me?”
Piggy leaned forward and kissed him. “Among other things,” she murmured.
“Yeah, but you didn’t know about those other things until we got married,” he teased. He tensed, laughing, expecting her to smack him for being fresh, but instead she reached out and traced his face much like he had recently touched hers.
“I knew it would be like this with you,” she said solemnly. “Even before I knew you loved me, I knew you would be like this.” She looked at him, willing him to understand everything she was saying. “That’s why I never wanted anyone else. That’s my no one else will ever do.”
“Sweetheart,” Kermit said, overcome with tenderness. “Piggy, Honey.” He bent to her and kissed her, holding her close enough to feel the quickened thud-thud of her heart against his side. “You’re the only muse I’m ever going to need.” He held her for a moment, then set her back from him and smiled.
“Hungry?’
“Starving,” Piggy admitted. “Breakfast is a prehistoric memory.”
Kermit stood and held out his hand to help Piggy up. She smoothed the skirt of her dress and touched her hair into place, then smiled at him shyly.
“I’m ready,” she said. “Lead and I’ll follow.”
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