Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
Back to the Rock Season 2
Sesame Street Season 54
The Muppets Mayhem premieres
Bear arrives on Disney+
Sam and Friends Book
P
Philo and Gunge
Guest
I found this Disney World thing with Iago and Zazu going to WDW attractions and they have MV3D
Zazu: Iago, things just aren't the same since that dear Old Troll crossed the bridge to the great beyond. Why, just yesterday, I was standing on the International Bridge, when a group of bored teen-agers shuffled by. And they actually made it all the way to the other side without being devoured! Before you know it, World Showcase will be overrun by hordes of slack-jawed, droopy-trousered youths looking for thrill rides.
Iago: I know. It's terrible. Last night, one of da Old Troll's Norwegian troll buddies called me long-distance. He was all upset. He said that he and the other trolls were having an awful time trying to get here to pay their respects. He blamed it on their travel agent, Bjorn Ruud. He said that Ruud fellow wouldn't answer their phone calls, and they were thinking of putting a curse on him. So the troll wanted me to reserve them some rooms at Dixie Landings. He even said he'd give me a gift. I was tempted, but I had to refuse.
Zazu: Why?
Iago: You know the old saying: Don't book a miffed Norse in the South.
Zazu: <sob!> Iago, that was a pun! How could you?
Iago: Oh no. I've been doing that a lot, haven't I? I'm sorry.
Zazu: Puns are very upsetting to me just now. And to make matters worse, I received this letter from Waldorf and Statler today. It seems they read last week's post about the Mickey Mouse Revue, in which we called them hecklers, and they're up in arms about it. They claim they're actually legitimate film critics. In fact, they've invited us to drop by the Muppet*Vision 3D Theater to watch them at work.
Iago: Well, there's no way we can see a show like Muppet*Vision. All the puns will only remind you of da Old Troll.
Zazu: Oh, I would never see anything so dreadfully punny as a Muppet movie. I know what those must be like. Occasionally, I catch bits of their show on PBS while I'm waiting for Masterpiece Theatre. But apparently, the invitation is for something else entirely. They've arranged for a special screening of a movie by an acclaimed Swedish film personality. In their letter, they state that it, "Will touch you in ways you never thought possible ... visually stunning ... guaranteed to break down the walls we construct around ourselves." Perhaps it's an Ingmar Bergman film, like "Cries and Whispers." I think it sounds like exactly the kind of solemn, dignified, highbrow experience we need to get our minds off the puns.
Iago: If you say so, Zazu. I like Ingmar Bergman. She was really good as Golda Meier.
Zazu: That's Ingrid Bergman! Ingmar Bergman is a man. He's a Swedish film director.
Iago: I thought that was Itzak Perlman.
Zazu: Itzak Perlman is a violinist! My word, you are sadly in need of some culture. From now on, we shall focus on educational, inspirational entertainment, such as this film. In fact, I think we'll institute some changes in the Tiki Room as well. Classical music would be an excellent addition. I do so love my Bach.
Iago: Well, it's better than your front, anyway.
LATER, AT THE DISNEY-MGM STUDIOS....
Iago: Well, here's the theater, Zazu.
Zazu: Yes, I see the punny sign with the bear saying "Walka-Walka This Way." <rolls his eyes>
Iago: That's Fozzie.
Zazu: No it's not. I can see it perfectly well. Have you had your eyes checked lately? Hmmmm, this is exceedingly strange. I was under the impression that this was to be a private screening. But look at all the other people in line. This doesn't seem quite right.
Iago: That Irving Berlin guy must be more popular than I thought.
Zazu: How many times do I have to tell you, his name is....
Iago: Edgar Bergen. I know. I was just seeing if you were paying attention.
Zazu: Edgar Bergen was a ventriloquist, you dummy! Look, they're giving away door prizes. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to get a clue. But how very disappointing. They're just cheap plastic sunglasses.
Iago: Uh-oh.
Zazu: Why on earth would we need sunglasses?
Iago: Zazu, I think....
Zazu: Ah! It must be a reference to the Arctic Circle as the Land of the Midnight Sun.
Iago: The last time I ate dinner at a Swedish smorgasbord, my penthouse became the Land of the Midnight Run.
Zazu: These Swedes are certainly avant-garde. Quite innovative. Rather like Jim Henson. You know, Iago, even though I'm not a fan of the Muppets' variety of humor per se, I do think Jim Henson was an artistic genius. And I do appreciate the use of puppetry in storytelling, such as in The Hunchback of Notre Dame stage show, and Legend of the Lion King.
Iago: Speaking of artistic genius, check out that portrait of Jim as a Muppet.
Zazu: <shudder> Just think, Iago. After seeing that, you don't have to go to the Louvre.
Iago: The Louvre? Oh yeah, that's what you British-sounding guys call the bathroom. As a matter of fact, I do have to go.
Zazu: After the movie. Right now, can you please tell me what that object is?
Iago: That's the Swine Trek.
Zazu: I thought the Swine Trek was when the Three Little Pigs and Piglet tried to run the Walt Disney World Marathon.
Iago: Oh, that was a disaster this year. None of the Three Little Pigs finished the race.
Zazu: Why not?
Iago: One had a hamstring injury; one was on the links; and the last one drank too much water before the race and went wee-wee all the way home.
Zazu: Oh dear. What about Piglet?
Iago: Poor Piglet got to the finish line, and the judges took one look at him and decided he was too pink to be done, so they sent him back into the heat.
Zazu: Tsk, tsk. This preshow area doesn't look done, either. I suppose they couldn't cover up all these boxes in time for this special screening.
Iago: Look at this fish inside the bird cage. What kind of fish is this, anyway?
Zazu: I believe that's a Perca flavescens, commonly known as a perch.
Iago: Bwahahahaha! It's a perch in a bird cage! Get it?
Zazu: Iago, that's -- that's -- that's a visual pun!
Iago: Yeah, I think it's commonly known as a gag.
Zazu: I'll show you something else that's commonly known as a gag if you don't behave yourself and show more respect. Da Old Troll taught me how to gag a parrot. We are in mourning, remember?
Iago: OK, I'm sorry ... Hey, heads up, Zazu! There seems to be something hanging over your head, besides just a cloud.
Zazu: Egads! That's a net full of jello!
Iago: Annette Fullofjello? Wasn't she the Mouseketeer with the big -- um, smile? I think she jiggled, too.
Zazu: Keep it up and you'll find yourself in a net!
Iago: OK, I'll just stand at attention and watch TV, like I used to whenever Annette was on the screen.
Zazu: Holy Hall of Presidents, Iago! Peep Thro -- I mean, Sam the Eagle -- is addressing us on those TV screens. He's the only Muppet with any sense of dignity or decorum.
Iago: Sheesh, Zazu, you don't have to salute. At ease.
Zazu: <whispering> This film must be co-sponsored by the American and Swedish governments.
Iago: Zazu, I hate to tell you this....
Zazu: Shhhhh! Sam is introducing a special guest ... oh, it's Mickey! He probably wants to welcome the Swe -- good heavens, that's not Mickey. It's Chuck E. Cheese!
Iago: Not exactly. It's Rizzo the Rat.
Zazu: Rizzo?? Oh I see, another little punny touch. Ratso Rizzo. Very funny. I thought the film was going to be about the land of the midnight sun, not the Midnight Cowboy.
Iago: "Midnight Cowboy" wasn't his only starring role. His other film credits include "The Pest is Yet to Come," "Rats Entertainment!," "When a Man Loves a Vermin," "How the Pest Was Won," "Rat on a Hot Tin Roof," and "Tail of Two Cities."
Zazu: Iago, unless he stowed away on "A Ship Bound for India" with Ingmar Bergman in 1947, I don't want to hear about it. I am here to see a Swedish film.
Iago: Actually, Zazu, I think that Waldorf and Statler were just pulling your wing. We're not going to be seeing a Swedish film. We're going to see Muppet*Vision 3D.
Zazu: Well, maybe you're going to see Muppet*Vision 3D, but I'm certainly not! Let me out of here.
Iago: Too late, Zazu. The doors have already opened. You know what those wildebeest stampedes are like. <sound of thundering feet>
Zazu: I see Waldorf and Statler up there in that box. I'm going to fly up there and give them a piece of my mind.
Iago: I don't have much left to give, so I'll just stay here.
Zazu: No you don't. You're coming with me.
Waldorf: Well, look who's here! Glad you could make it. Statler, this is ZaSu Pitts.
Zazu: I am not ZaSu Pitts. I'm Zazu the hornbill. I work with Iago here in the Enchanted Tiki Room.
Statler: Sounds like the pits to me!
W & S: Ahahahahahaha!
Zazu: Gentlemen, you brought me here under false pretenses. You told me I would see a screening by a Swedish film personality.
Waldorf: That's true. There's the Swedish Chef now, getting ready to run his Yell & Howl projector. And what personality!
Chef: Bork, bork, bork!
Zazu: But you said it was someone whose work was well known in the cinema.
Statler: No, we said his bork was well known in the cinema. We just put a drop of Swedish meatball gravy on the "b" so you would get confused.
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Waldorf: Now put your glasses on and watch the show.
Iago: Yeah, Zazu, you missed Kermit's whole introduction. Look, here's Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant, Beaker. They're about to introduce the world's first living, breathing, 3D effect.
Zazu: What is that thing, and why is it flying in my face?
Statler: That's Waldo, the Spirit of 3D. He's the world's first "digitized puppet." He was produced by Kirk Thatcher of Pacific Data Images, and performed by Steve Whitmire, using a servo link.
Iago: Servo links? I think I had those with my eggs this morning.
Zazu: I doubt it, Iago. Servo links were originally created for work on hazardous materials by the late Robert A. Heinlein, author of "Stranger in a Strange Land."
Iago: Didn't he also invent the waterbed?
Waldorf: Your buddy here is strange in any land, Zazu.
Zazu: Tell me about it. His breakfast food could also be considered hazardous material. However, he's correct about the invention.
Waldorf: Waldo was named after me, you know.
Statler: In your dreams, Waldorf. "Waldo" was the title of the short story where Heinlein introduced the concept.
Zazu: Look! Waldo's escaped.
Waldorf: Yeah, This is the part of the show that really sucks. <vacuum cleaner sound>
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Iago: Next up is Miss Piggy, Zazu. She'll sing "Dream a Little Dream."
Zazu: Finally, some real entertainment. Wait, what is that bunny doing? Oh my! These 3D effects are actually quite realistic, aren't they?
Statler: The 3D effect is done with polarizing filters in the glasses and projectors.
Iago: Speaking of polar effects, how about that penguin from the orchestra pit?
Zazu: I do believe the orchestra is Team Tuxedo, Iago.
Waldorf: Nah, it's their distant relatives, Nicki Napoleon and his Emperor Penguins. They happen to think Miss Piggy is all wet. <splash!>
Statler: She is now!
W & S: Ahahahaha!
Iago: That reminds me. I need to use the restroom. Can either of you show me the way?
Waldorf: If you don't know how by now, I'm certainly not going to show you!
W & S: Ahahahaha!
Iago: That is not what I meant. Can you please show me where the restroom is?
Statler: We can't. We're bolted to our chairs.
Iago: Then what do you do when you need to go to the bathroom?
Waldorf: Depends....
Iago: Depends on what?
Statler: Depends on sale, hopefully!
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Zazu: Er, you two certainly seem to enjoy your jobs. How long have you been heckl -- er, critiquing -- this show?
Waldorf: Since May 16, 1991. Exactly one year after Jim Henson's death. This was his last production.
Statler: Yup, also his last three performances.
Zazu: Three performances?
Statler: He not only did Kermit, Jim was also the voice of the Swedish Chef and old Waldorf here.
Iago: Guys, you're missing the whole movie. Bean Bunny has run away.
Zazu: Bean?! You know you're not supposed to be around any beans, Iago. I'm sure Waldorf and Statler don't realize they're sitting so close to a dangerous explosive device.
Waldorf, Statler & Iago: <look at each other> Ahahahahahaha!!
Zazu: What are you laughing at? Pay attention now. Well, isn't this a coincidence. We were just talking about exposives, and now Bean has been found and put in charge of the fireworks in Sam's big production number. I'm sure this will be splendid. It's called "A Salute to All Nations, but Mostly America." Here we go ... oh dear. That's not right. Er, is that supposed to happen? Here come the fireworks! Miss Piggy is the Statue of Liberty. How patriotic. Oops, there goes her dress. Oh no, now there's a fire in the orchestra pit!
Waldorf: What do you expect? She's a torch singer.
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Iago: Don't worry, Sweetums will put out the fire. <splash!> See?
Zazu: Iago, I thought penguins liked water. What are they doing with that cannon?
Waldorf: DUCK!!!!
Waldo: Quack!
Cannon: Boom!
Statler: There goes the Chef's projection booth again.
Chef: Stupid crazy birds! Bork, bork, bork!
Zazu: I beg your pardon! Who are you calling stu....
<Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!>
Iago: Oh, thanks, Zazu! Now he's shooting at us, instead of the penguins!
<Utter Chaos, Madcap Mayhem .............. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!>
Waldorf: Well, Zazu, how did you like that?
Zazu: How did I like it!? I've spent the last 15 minutes having my senses assulted and my life threatened by strange characters wielding heavy artillery, cheap dime store gags, flying arrows, explosives, insults, and bad jokes! ... <sniffle> I loved it! It's like da Old Troll never left.
Statler: Good! Then our plan worked. We heard from some of the other characters that you were having a tough time dealing with the loss of da Old Troll. We wanted to show you that the best way to honor someone whose life was devoted to making other people smile, was to continue that tradition. That's what Muppet*Vision 3D has done for Jim Henson. And that's what you should do for da Old Troll. Just look at all the blissfully happy tourists down there, pushing and shoving their way out of the theater, leaving their valuable possessions behind for us to take. Da Troll would be proud.
Zazu: So that's the reason you invited me here today?
Waldorf: Well, that, plus we wanted to show you we weren't just a couple of annoying, heckling morons like your scabby parrot buddy here.
Iago: Hey!
Zazu: You two are quite a pair. Iago, what do you see when you look at these two old codgers?
Iago: Um ... us in thirty years?
Zazu: Besides that. I see a couple of wise guys. Very wise. Thank you, gentlemen. And thank you, Troll, wherever you are.
Zazu: Iago, things just aren't the same since that dear Old Troll crossed the bridge to the great beyond. Why, just yesterday, I was standing on the International Bridge, when a group of bored teen-agers shuffled by. And they actually made it all the way to the other side without being devoured! Before you know it, World Showcase will be overrun by hordes of slack-jawed, droopy-trousered youths looking for thrill rides.
Iago: I know. It's terrible. Last night, one of da Old Troll's Norwegian troll buddies called me long-distance. He was all upset. He said that he and the other trolls were having an awful time trying to get here to pay their respects. He blamed it on their travel agent, Bjorn Ruud. He said that Ruud fellow wouldn't answer their phone calls, and they were thinking of putting a curse on him. So the troll wanted me to reserve them some rooms at Dixie Landings. He even said he'd give me a gift. I was tempted, but I had to refuse.
Zazu: Why?
Iago: You know the old saying: Don't book a miffed Norse in the South.
Zazu: <sob!> Iago, that was a pun! How could you?
Iago: Oh no. I've been doing that a lot, haven't I? I'm sorry.
Zazu: Puns are very upsetting to me just now. And to make matters worse, I received this letter from Waldorf and Statler today. It seems they read last week's post about the Mickey Mouse Revue, in which we called them hecklers, and they're up in arms about it. They claim they're actually legitimate film critics. In fact, they've invited us to drop by the Muppet*Vision 3D Theater to watch them at work.
Iago: Well, there's no way we can see a show like Muppet*Vision. All the puns will only remind you of da Old Troll.
Zazu: Oh, I would never see anything so dreadfully punny as a Muppet movie. I know what those must be like. Occasionally, I catch bits of their show on PBS while I'm waiting for Masterpiece Theatre. But apparently, the invitation is for something else entirely. They've arranged for a special screening of a movie by an acclaimed Swedish film personality. In their letter, they state that it, "Will touch you in ways you never thought possible ... visually stunning ... guaranteed to break down the walls we construct around ourselves." Perhaps it's an Ingmar Bergman film, like "Cries and Whispers." I think it sounds like exactly the kind of solemn, dignified, highbrow experience we need to get our minds off the puns.
Iago: If you say so, Zazu. I like Ingmar Bergman. She was really good as Golda Meier.
Zazu: That's Ingrid Bergman! Ingmar Bergman is a man. He's a Swedish film director.
Iago: I thought that was Itzak Perlman.
Zazu: Itzak Perlman is a violinist! My word, you are sadly in need of some culture. From now on, we shall focus on educational, inspirational entertainment, such as this film. In fact, I think we'll institute some changes in the Tiki Room as well. Classical music would be an excellent addition. I do so love my Bach.
Iago: Well, it's better than your front, anyway.
LATER, AT THE DISNEY-MGM STUDIOS....
Iago: Well, here's the theater, Zazu.
Zazu: Yes, I see the punny sign with the bear saying "Walka-Walka This Way." <rolls his eyes>
Iago: That's Fozzie.
Zazu: No it's not. I can see it perfectly well. Have you had your eyes checked lately? Hmmmm, this is exceedingly strange. I was under the impression that this was to be a private screening. But look at all the other people in line. This doesn't seem quite right.
Iago: That Irving Berlin guy must be more popular than I thought.
Zazu: How many times do I have to tell you, his name is....
Iago: Edgar Bergen. I know. I was just seeing if you were paying attention.
Zazu: Edgar Bergen was a ventriloquist, you dummy! Look, they're giving away door prizes. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to get a clue. But how very disappointing. They're just cheap plastic sunglasses.
Iago: Uh-oh.
Zazu: Why on earth would we need sunglasses?
Iago: Zazu, I think....
Zazu: Ah! It must be a reference to the Arctic Circle as the Land of the Midnight Sun.
Iago: The last time I ate dinner at a Swedish smorgasbord, my penthouse became the Land of the Midnight Run.
Zazu: These Swedes are certainly avant-garde. Quite innovative. Rather like Jim Henson. You know, Iago, even though I'm not a fan of the Muppets' variety of humor per se, I do think Jim Henson was an artistic genius. And I do appreciate the use of puppetry in storytelling, such as in The Hunchback of Notre Dame stage show, and Legend of the Lion King.
Iago: Speaking of artistic genius, check out that portrait of Jim as a Muppet.
Zazu: <shudder> Just think, Iago. After seeing that, you don't have to go to the Louvre.
Iago: The Louvre? Oh yeah, that's what you British-sounding guys call the bathroom. As a matter of fact, I do have to go.
Zazu: After the movie. Right now, can you please tell me what that object is?
Iago: That's the Swine Trek.
Zazu: I thought the Swine Trek was when the Three Little Pigs and Piglet tried to run the Walt Disney World Marathon.
Iago: Oh, that was a disaster this year. None of the Three Little Pigs finished the race.
Zazu: Why not?
Iago: One had a hamstring injury; one was on the links; and the last one drank too much water before the race and went wee-wee all the way home.
Zazu: Oh dear. What about Piglet?
Iago: Poor Piglet got to the finish line, and the judges took one look at him and decided he was too pink to be done, so they sent him back into the heat.
Zazu: Tsk, tsk. This preshow area doesn't look done, either. I suppose they couldn't cover up all these boxes in time for this special screening.
Iago: Look at this fish inside the bird cage. What kind of fish is this, anyway?
Zazu: I believe that's a Perca flavescens, commonly known as a perch.
Iago: Bwahahahaha! It's a perch in a bird cage! Get it?
Zazu: Iago, that's -- that's -- that's a visual pun!
Iago: Yeah, I think it's commonly known as a gag.
Zazu: I'll show you something else that's commonly known as a gag if you don't behave yourself and show more respect. Da Old Troll taught me how to gag a parrot. We are in mourning, remember?
Iago: OK, I'm sorry ... Hey, heads up, Zazu! There seems to be something hanging over your head, besides just a cloud.
Zazu: Egads! That's a net full of jello!
Iago: Annette Fullofjello? Wasn't she the Mouseketeer with the big -- um, smile? I think she jiggled, too.
Zazu: Keep it up and you'll find yourself in a net!
Iago: OK, I'll just stand at attention and watch TV, like I used to whenever Annette was on the screen.
Zazu: Holy Hall of Presidents, Iago! Peep Thro -- I mean, Sam the Eagle -- is addressing us on those TV screens. He's the only Muppet with any sense of dignity or decorum.
Iago: Sheesh, Zazu, you don't have to salute. At ease.
Zazu: <whispering> This film must be co-sponsored by the American and Swedish governments.
Iago: Zazu, I hate to tell you this....
Zazu: Shhhhh! Sam is introducing a special guest ... oh, it's Mickey! He probably wants to welcome the Swe -- good heavens, that's not Mickey. It's Chuck E. Cheese!
Iago: Not exactly. It's Rizzo the Rat.
Zazu: Rizzo?? Oh I see, another little punny touch. Ratso Rizzo. Very funny. I thought the film was going to be about the land of the midnight sun, not the Midnight Cowboy.
Iago: "Midnight Cowboy" wasn't his only starring role. His other film credits include "The Pest is Yet to Come," "Rats Entertainment!," "When a Man Loves a Vermin," "How the Pest Was Won," "Rat on a Hot Tin Roof," and "Tail of Two Cities."
Zazu: Iago, unless he stowed away on "A Ship Bound for India" with Ingmar Bergman in 1947, I don't want to hear about it. I am here to see a Swedish film.
Iago: Actually, Zazu, I think that Waldorf and Statler were just pulling your wing. We're not going to be seeing a Swedish film. We're going to see Muppet*Vision 3D.
Zazu: Well, maybe you're going to see Muppet*Vision 3D, but I'm certainly not! Let me out of here.
Iago: Too late, Zazu. The doors have already opened. You know what those wildebeest stampedes are like. <sound of thundering feet>
Zazu: I see Waldorf and Statler up there in that box. I'm going to fly up there and give them a piece of my mind.
Iago: I don't have much left to give, so I'll just stay here.
Zazu: No you don't. You're coming with me.
Waldorf: Well, look who's here! Glad you could make it. Statler, this is ZaSu Pitts.
Zazu: I am not ZaSu Pitts. I'm Zazu the hornbill. I work with Iago here in the Enchanted Tiki Room.
Statler: Sounds like the pits to me!
W & S: Ahahahahahaha!
Zazu: Gentlemen, you brought me here under false pretenses. You told me I would see a screening by a Swedish film personality.
Waldorf: That's true. There's the Swedish Chef now, getting ready to run his Yell & Howl projector. And what personality!
Chef: Bork, bork, bork!
Zazu: But you said it was someone whose work was well known in the cinema.
Statler: No, we said his bork was well known in the cinema. We just put a drop of Swedish meatball gravy on the "b" so you would get confused.
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Waldorf: Now put your glasses on and watch the show.
Iago: Yeah, Zazu, you missed Kermit's whole introduction. Look, here's Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant, Beaker. They're about to introduce the world's first living, breathing, 3D effect.
Zazu: What is that thing, and why is it flying in my face?
Statler: That's Waldo, the Spirit of 3D. He's the world's first "digitized puppet." He was produced by Kirk Thatcher of Pacific Data Images, and performed by Steve Whitmire, using a servo link.
Iago: Servo links? I think I had those with my eggs this morning.
Zazu: I doubt it, Iago. Servo links were originally created for work on hazardous materials by the late Robert A. Heinlein, author of "Stranger in a Strange Land."
Iago: Didn't he also invent the waterbed?
Waldorf: Your buddy here is strange in any land, Zazu.
Zazu: Tell me about it. His breakfast food could also be considered hazardous material. However, he's correct about the invention.
Waldorf: Waldo was named after me, you know.
Statler: In your dreams, Waldorf. "Waldo" was the title of the short story where Heinlein introduced the concept.
Zazu: Look! Waldo's escaped.
Waldorf: Yeah, This is the part of the show that really sucks. <vacuum cleaner sound>
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Iago: Next up is Miss Piggy, Zazu. She'll sing "Dream a Little Dream."
Zazu: Finally, some real entertainment. Wait, what is that bunny doing? Oh my! These 3D effects are actually quite realistic, aren't they?
Statler: The 3D effect is done with polarizing filters in the glasses and projectors.
Iago: Speaking of polar effects, how about that penguin from the orchestra pit?
Zazu: I do believe the orchestra is Team Tuxedo, Iago.
Waldorf: Nah, it's their distant relatives, Nicki Napoleon and his Emperor Penguins. They happen to think Miss Piggy is all wet. <splash!>
Statler: She is now!
W & S: Ahahahaha!
Iago: That reminds me. I need to use the restroom. Can either of you show me the way?
Waldorf: If you don't know how by now, I'm certainly not going to show you!
W & S: Ahahahaha!
Iago: That is not what I meant. Can you please show me where the restroom is?
Statler: We can't. We're bolted to our chairs.
Iago: Then what do you do when you need to go to the bathroom?
Waldorf: Depends....
Iago: Depends on what?
Statler: Depends on sale, hopefully!
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Zazu: Er, you two certainly seem to enjoy your jobs. How long have you been heckl -- er, critiquing -- this show?
Waldorf: Since May 16, 1991. Exactly one year after Jim Henson's death. This was his last production.
Statler: Yup, also his last three performances.
Zazu: Three performances?
Statler: He not only did Kermit, Jim was also the voice of the Swedish Chef and old Waldorf here.
Iago: Guys, you're missing the whole movie. Bean Bunny has run away.
Zazu: Bean?! You know you're not supposed to be around any beans, Iago. I'm sure Waldorf and Statler don't realize they're sitting so close to a dangerous explosive device.
Waldorf, Statler & Iago: <look at each other> Ahahahahahaha!!
Zazu: What are you laughing at? Pay attention now. Well, isn't this a coincidence. We were just talking about exposives, and now Bean has been found and put in charge of the fireworks in Sam's big production number. I'm sure this will be splendid. It's called "A Salute to All Nations, but Mostly America." Here we go ... oh dear. That's not right. Er, is that supposed to happen? Here come the fireworks! Miss Piggy is the Statue of Liberty. How patriotic. Oops, there goes her dress. Oh no, now there's a fire in the orchestra pit!
Waldorf: What do you expect? She's a torch singer.
W & S: Ahahahahaha!
Iago: Don't worry, Sweetums will put out the fire. <splash!> See?
Zazu: Iago, I thought penguins liked water. What are they doing with that cannon?
Waldorf: DUCK!!!!
Waldo: Quack!
Cannon: Boom!
Statler: There goes the Chef's projection booth again.
Chef: Stupid crazy birds! Bork, bork, bork!
Zazu: I beg your pardon! Who are you calling stu....
<Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!>
Iago: Oh, thanks, Zazu! Now he's shooting at us, instead of the penguins!
<Utter Chaos, Madcap Mayhem .............. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!>
Waldorf: Well, Zazu, how did you like that?
Zazu: How did I like it!? I've spent the last 15 minutes having my senses assulted and my life threatened by strange characters wielding heavy artillery, cheap dime store gags, flying arrows, explosives, insults, and bad jokes! ... <sniffle> I loved it! It's like da Old Troll never left.
Statler: Good! Then our plan worked. We heard from some of the other characters that you were having a tough time dealing with the loss of da Old Troll. We wanted to show you that the best way to honor someone whose life was devoted to making other people smile, was to continue that tradition. That's what Muppet*Vision 3D has done for Jim Henson. And that's what you should do for da Old Troll. Just look at all the blissfully happy tourists down there, pushing and shoving their way out of the theater, leaving their valuable possessions behind for us to take. Da Troll would be proud.
Zazu: So that's the reason you invited me here today?
Waldorf: Well, that, plus we wanted to show you we weren't just a couple of annoying, heckling morons like your scabby parrot buddy here.
Iago: Hey!
Zazu: You two are quite a pair. Iago, what do you see when you look at these two old codgers?
Iago: Um ... us in thirty years?
Zazu: Besides that. I see a couple of wise guys. Very wise. Thank you, gentlemen. And thank you, Troll, wherever you are.
