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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by MissMusical12, Oct 7, 2012.
....ok......Peewee Herman? That guy who sang, 'Mambo 5'.....
Thats all I got....help me!
I'll see what I can do...
BTW...luv the icon!
GUEST STAR: Michele Lee
STYLE: Late Season 4 (Between Alan Arkin and Diana Ross)
Scooter: Oh, Michele! Michele Lee! 14 seconds till curtain, Michele!
Michele: 14? What ever happened to 15 seconds?
Scooter: Well, now it's 11 seconds.
Scooter: 8 seconds
Michele: Now wait just a second.
Scooter: -waits a second, then continues- 4, 3, 2, 1!
TRUMPET GAG: Just before he could blow his trumpet, Gonzo hears a telephone and picks it up.
Gonzo: Hello? No, I'm not busy. How are you?
Kermit: Thank you, thank you! Hi ho and welcome again to The Muppet Show, ranked as the best show in the nation with frogs, dogs, chickens, bears, pigs and other silly creatures.
Beautiful Day Monster: -comes onstage- Does that include monsters? -gives Kermit list-
Kermit: I'm pretty sure that includes monsters. -gives list back to him-
Beautiful Day Monster: Well, the list doesn't say so, bub!
Kermit: Will you get off the stage?!?! -Beautiful Day Monster leaves stage- Uhhh, sorry about that folks. Anyways, our guest star tonight is that lovely and talented star of movies, stage, and television, Michele Lee!
Kermit: Yes. But first......it's time for a coffee break!
MUSICAL NUMBER: Coffee Break (from How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying) (in the style of the 2011 revival), lead by Floyd and Miss Piggy as they are fighting over the last cup of coffee, backed up by whatnots in business attire. There's also a tango part Floyd and Miss Piggy, unwillingly, dance to. In the end, Miss Piggy pushes Floyd off the coffee machine and grabs the last cup of coffee.
Statler: You know, I could really go for some coffee myself right now.
Waldorf: Why is that?
Statler: To keep me from sleeping through this show.
Kermit: Okay, nice job, everyone.
Miss Piggy and Floyd enter, bickering.
Kermit: Oh no...not again. -to the bickering Miss Piggy and Floyd- STOP IT!!! Now, Floyd, Piggy, what's the matter this?
Miss Piggy: Floyd lied to me, Kermit! This isn't coffee!
Floyd: Get a grip, woman, it's just a number!
Miss Piggy: It's WATER! HOT WATER!
Floyd: So what? Hot water....you need it with coffee, Piggylocks. -laughs-
Miss Piggy throws the water at Floyd.
Floyd: -angrily blinks- That.....burned. -walks off-
Miss Piggy: Kermie, I want that Beatles Wannabe fired! FIRED! Moi has been FED UP with him and his snarky comments.
Kermit: Don't forget Animal.
Miss Piggy: Don't push it, frog. -leaves-
Kermit: Yeesh. -goes onstage-
Kermit: Well, all fighting aside, it's time to now introduce our wonderful guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Michele Lee! YAAAAAAAAY!!!
MUSICAL NUMBER: You Can't Hurry Love, sung by Michele, along with the vocalist of Geri and the Atrics singing the chorus parts ("You can't hurry love, no you'll just have to wait....etc.")
Statler: I don't feel like hurrying love right now.
Waldorf: I know. We should hurry out of here.
Kermit: Excellent job out there, Michele.
Michele: Thank you, Kermit. -to Geri and the Atrics vocalist- Hey, is there anything I can do for you, kindly lady?
Vocalist: Well, you can start by giving me my afternoon sponge bath.
Michele: I'll pass, thank you. -goes into her dressing room-
Vocalist: -to Kermit- Will you give me my afternoon sponge bath?
Vocalist: Go? Go where? Speak up, sonny, my hearing aide is off.
Vocalist: Oh....why didn't you say so before? Okay.....-goes off-
Fozzie: -rushes over to Kermit- Hey, Kermit! Kermit!
Kermit: Yes, Fozzie?
Fozzie: Will sign this petition?
Kermit: YOU wrote a petition? For what?
Fozzie: Not me, silly. Floyd wrote a petition to convince the producers to fire Miss Piggy.
Kermit: -gasp- Fozzie, I thought I was the producer of this show.
Fozzie: You are? Since when?
Gonzo: -rushes over to Kermit- Hey, Kermit! Will you sign this petition?
Kermit: Don't tell me....
Fozzie: You can tell me, Gonzo. What is it for?
Gonzo: Miss Piggy wrote a petition to convince the producers to fire Floyd.
Kermit: I knew it....
Random Business Whatnot (from the Opening Number): Dearest good sir, will you sign my..............
MUPPET LABS: Bunsen invents a remote control operated parrot that repeats back every word either him or Beaker say. Unfortunately, when Beaker says "Mee mo mo mee mee (I am an idiot)", the parrot replies "You are an idiot."
UK SKETCH: NEWSFLASH:
Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash! The world's most ugliest surfer has just broken the record for the world's ugliest person to have absolutely no occupation whatsoever. That record was previously broken by a Mr. Harry Foot, whom had the occupation of being a bum walking the streets of Kentucky.
Mr. Harry Foot then approaches The Newsman and knocks him out with his bag.
Mr. Harry Foot: -with a British accent- Loose to a bumbling surfer? Never, my good sir.
BACKSTAGE (Michele's Dressing Room):
Michele is putting her makeup on when there's a knock on the door.
Michele: Come in.
Floyd and Miss Piggy enter at the same time.
Floyd and Miss Piggy: MICHELE! MICHELE! MICHELE! MICHELE!
Michele: One at a time, one at a time.
Miss Piggy: Ha! Moi got here first.
Floyd: That's 'cause you were running too slow. I, on the over hand, was walkin' fast.
Michele: Is this about your stupid petitions to get each other fired?
Floyd and Miss Piggy: Yes! I mean....no!
Michele: Have some maturity, you two. I mean, c'mon, a petition?
Miss Piggy: Better than fighting, must vous agree, Michele?
Michele: Yes, I do agree, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Of course, if we did fight, I'd CRUSH Floyd.
Floyd: You're only sayin' that.....
Miss Piggy: Ah ah ah, boys don't hit girls......chicken.
Floyd: Look who's talkin, you hog.
Miss Piggy: OH YEAH?!!??!?!!
Michele: Okay, break it up! You two are acting like a married couple right now.
Miss Piggy and Floyd: Marry him/her!?!?
Michele: Guys, you two shouldn't be fighting over something like this. Are you two friends at all?
Miss Piggy and Floyd: No!
Miss Piggy and Floyd: Yeah....kinda.
Miss Piggy: Well....Floyd did help moi give advice for writing angry fan letters.
Floyd: Yeah, and they all kept their mouths shut after those letters. And Piggy here did help make arrangements for me and my main squeeze to get into that fancy Italian restaurant just a few months ago.
Miss Piggy: Moi never asked you, but how was it?
Floyd: Let's just say.......Lady and The Tramp would be proud of us.
Michele: See you two are getting along much better now than before. Do you forgive each other now for everything that's happened?
Miss Piggy: -sigh- Yes. Moi forgives you, Floyd.
Floyd: And...I forgive you, too, Piggy.
MUSICAL NUMBER: As Long As He/She Needs Me (from Oliver!), sung by Miss Piggy and Floyd, in forgiveness to each other.
(After the number)
Michele: Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship....or something.
MUSICAL NUMBER: You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile (from Annie), sung by Bobby Benson's Baby Band.
Statler: Do you know when the sun will come out at this point?
Waldorf: The sun will come out when this show is cancelled.
Miss Piggy: Kermie! Kermie! Kermie!
Kermit: No, I will not sign your petition, Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Oh forget that silly petition, mon capitan. Moi and Floyd...made up!
Floyd: She said it, Green Stuff. The rivalry between me and Miss Piggy have come to a close.
Kermit: Oh thank goodness.
Floyd: All you gotta do now, man, is sit back, relax......and sign this document stating that "Me and Miss Piggy shall prevent any further arguments from this moment on."
Kermit: Yeesh. So many documents on this show tonight. -signs document- There, now I gotta go introduce Michele for her final number. -leaves-
Floyd: He really fell for it.
Miss Piggy: Yes. Looks like vous and moi are going to get our long deserved, prepaid, vacations after all.
Floyd: I hear ya.
Miss Piggy: Oh Paris! Moi is on her way! -rushes onstage-
Floyd: Paul McCartney at Caesars Palace, here I come! -laughs and goes onstage-
Kermit: And now, ladies and gentlemen, here to close tonight's show, with a sweet little number about friendship, our guest star, Michele Lee! YAAAAAAAY!
MUSICAL NUMBER: Together (Wherever We Go) (from Gypsy), sung by Michele, Miss Piggy and Floyd. They are soon joined onstage by other Muppets, including Kermit, Scooter, Fozzie, Gonzo, Janice, Annie Sue and Robin.
As the lights come on, the scene remains the same from before.
Kermit: Well folks, another terrific show has wrapped up for us this evening. But before we go, let us thank our wonderful guest star, Miss Michele Lee! YAAAAAAAY!
Michele: Kermit, I had a lot of fun tonight. It was such a blast.
Crazy Harry: -rushes onstage- I'll say!
Miss Piggy: Don't you dare! HIYAAAA! -karate chops Crazy Harry- Take that, weirdo.
Floyd: And I thought I was the weirdo, but that was ridiculous, man.
Kermit: Okay, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
(Goodnights: Kermit, Miss Piggy, Floyd, Fozzie, Gonzo, Robin, Janice, Scooter, and Annie Sue)
Statler and Waldorf are using binoculars to look for the sun.
Statler: Has the sun come out yet?
Waldorf: Nope. The show's over, but it still hasn't come out yet.
Statler: Well, keep looking!
I always wanted to have a backstage plot involving Floyd and Miss Piggy. This was A LOT of fun to do. More outlines to come!
who perform these characters
Random Business Whatnot
Mr. Harry Foot
Random Business Whatnot- Jerry Nelson
Mr. Harry Foot- Richard Hunt
GUEST STAR: Ann-Margret
STYLE: Early Season 4
Scooter: Ann-Margret! Oh Ann-Margret! 15 seconds till curtain, Ann.
Ann-Margret: Thank you, Scooter. I just have one problem.
Scooter: What's that?
Ann-Margret: There's an apple tree in my dressing room. What exactly is it doing?
Scooter: Apple siding, of course.
Ann-Margret: Apple siding? What's that?
The tree then gives Ann-Margret a glass of apple cider.
Ann-Margret: Now I gotta get an apple siding tree.
TRUMPET GAG: Gonzo is unaware that he's using Zoot's saxophone. Zoot then comes up and returns Gonzo his trumpet.
Zoot: I think this belongs to you, man.
Gonzo: Huh. No wonder it didn't sound like a trumpet.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you! Hi ho and welcome again to The Muppet Show. Our guest star tonight is that lovely and talented actress and singer, best known for her movies such as "Bye Bye Birdie","Viva Las Vegas" and "Tommy", Ann-Margret!
Kermit: Yes. That Ann-Margret, ladies and gentlemen.
Anne Margaret (an old lady/ possibly a member of Geri and the Atrics) comes onto the stage.
Anne Margaret: What about me, sonny? My name is Anne Margaret, too.
Kermit: But you're Anne Margaret, not Ann-Margret.
Anne Margaret: But I am Anne Margaret.
Kermit: Will you get off the stage!?!?! But first, kicking off tonight's show is a little song that brings us back to the American Bandstand of the 1950's.
MUSICAL NUMBER: Tutti Frutti, performed by The Electric Mayhem (with Dr. Teeth on vocals), in a setting similar to "American Bandstand" in the 1950's.
Statler: Well, what do you have to say about that number?
Waldorf: What else? A-wop-bop-a-loo-mop-a-wop-bam........
Both: Boo! Hahahahahaha.
Kermit: Okay, way to go out there, guys! You had the crowd really roarin' out there.
Dr. Teeth: Absolutely we did, my friend!
Zoot: I didn't hear any lions.
Animal: TUTTI FRUTTI! TUTTI FRUTTI!
Sam: Ugh, this repulsive yelling.
Kermit: Oh, Sam! You've returned early from your vacation in Philadelphia. How was it?
Sam: Sick and weird....it wasn't like it used to be. Calm and peaceful and patriotic....now it's infested with weirdos like yourselves.
Sam: And I specifically request a patriotic closing number for tonight's show.
Kermit: I wish I could do that, Sam, but I promised Ann-Margret the closing number.
Sam: Anne Margaret?
Kermit: Yeah. Ann-Margret.
Sam: Oh...well that's perfectly fine. She is a very patriotic lady like herself.
Kermit: I'm sure she is, Sam.
Sam: In fact, I've known Anne Margaret for years.
Kermit: YOU know Ann-Margret?
Sam: Of course. We used to talk about politics all the time in the community center.
Kermit: Ummm....and how long ago was this?
Sam: Years ago, Kermit. Years ago.
Kermit: Now listen, I have to go introduce Ann-Margret for her first number.
Sam: Excellent. I shall watch then.
Kermit: And now, ladies and gentlemen, she's the one whose voice and body make men melt in their seats, here she is, Ann-Margret! YAAAAAAAY!
MUSICAL NUMBER: Why Don't You Do Right?, performed by Ann-Margret, accompanied by Rowlf
(At the end of the song, it shows Sam, looking from offstage, with his jaw wide open)
Waldorf: What has she ever done right?
Statler: The right thing she should do is leave now!
Kermit: Excellent job out there, Ann-Margret.
Ann-Margret: Thank you, Kermit.
Sam: What did I just watch?
Kermit: Ann-Margret, Sam.
Sam: But YOU, sir, said Anne Margaret. This, my good man, is NOT Anne Margaret.
Ann-Margret: But, Sam, I AM Ann-Margret.
Sam: You are not Anne Margaret! You are an abomination to America, with their sultry blues numbers and tight dresses. Humph!
Ann-Margret: Did you have any idea what he just said, Kermit?
Kermit: Do you want me to get Miss Piggy to karate chop him?
Ann-Margret: It's fine.
PIGS IN SPACE: Marvin Suggs accidentally winds up on the Swinetrek. He then plays "Lady of Spain" using Captain Link, First Mate Piggy, and Dr. Strangepork's heads, as well as banging other items on the Swinetrek.
UK SKETCH: MUSICAL NUMBER: Blue Moon, sung by The Gills Brothers
BACKSTAGE (Ann-Margret's dressing room):
Ann-Margret is fixing her hair, when there's a knock on the door.
Ann-Margret: Who is it?
Miss Piggy enters.
Miss Piggy: Bonjour, Ann-Margret!
Ann-Margret: Hello, Miss Piggy. Oh, you look absolutely ravishing tonight.
Miss Piggy: Awww, merci bocoup, Ann-Margret. Listen, moi happened to hear about your situation with Sam.
Ann-Margret: Yeah. Is there really another woman named "Anne Margaret" on this show?
Miss Piggy: Unfortunately yes, and she's not the brightest "Anne Margaret" either.
Ann-Margret: What is she? A showgirl? A monster? A pig?
Miss Piggy: Ahem. Moi is the only pig female on this show.
Ann-Margret: What about Annie Sue? She's a pig, and she's female.
Miss Piggy: Oh forget her. She's not worthy enough to meet a super celebrity like yourself.
Ann-Margret: But what about "Anne Margaret?"
Miss Piggy: What about vous, Ann-Margret?
Ann-Margret: I really have to meet this "Anne Margaret" woman. And fast.
Miss Piggy: Why's that?
Ann-Margret: So I can prove that I'm the only here.
MUSICAL NUMBER: I'm Still Here (from "Follies"), sung by Ann-Margret and Miss Piggy
SWEDISH CHEF: Anne Margaret (the old lady) assists The Swedish Chef, but says he's doing everything wrong.
Sam: Ahhh. Now with that abomination who calls herself "Anne Margaret" has gone, we shall now continue with Anne Margaret's patriotic closing number.
Kermit: Well....I guess. I mean, I did promise it to you.
Anne Margaret: I'm doing a number?
Sam: Yes, you are, Anne. Now go! Go! Go onstage! -Anne Margaret goes onstage-
Kermit: Oh where's Ann-Margret?
Kermit: Now I mean..."Ann-Margret." "Viva Las Vegas," "Bye Bye Birdie," you've never heard of Ann-Margret, Sam?
Sam: I do not know of this other Ann-Margret you speak of.
Kermit: SHE'S OUR GUEST STAR!!!!!!
Sam: Yelling is something I will NOT tolerate. Introduce the closing number.
Kermit: I will! -goes onstage-
Kermit: -sigh- And now, ladies and gentlemen, the lady who is not really our guest star but SOME people presume she is.......
Sam: She IS our guest star.
Kermit: Mrs. Anne Margaret.
MUSICAL NUMBER: America, The Beautiful, sung by Mrs. Anne Margaret. The REAL Ann-Margret then pops out and counters it by singing Bye Bye Birdie.
Kermit: Well folks, I think tonight was a VERY confusing night for a lot of us, if you know what I mean. But before we go, let us say thank you to our guest star, ladies and gentlemen, the REAL Ann-Margret! YAAAAAAAAAY!
Ann-Margret: Kermit, thank you so much. I hope no there was real confusion on tonight's show.
Kermit: As long as there's no two Kermits, we're perfectly safe, Ann-Margret.
Karmit (a random old frog): Wait....my name is Kermit.
Ann-Margret: Oh no......not again.
Kermit: Uhhh, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
(Goodnights: Kermit, Karmit, Miss Piggy, Sam Eagle, Mrs. Anne Margaret and two of The Gills Brothers)
Statler: Bye bye, Ann-Margret.
Waldorf: Why does she have to go now?
Statler: It's the end of the show.
that was good i love ann-margret
who perform these characters
Nice job! Those two rocked it! I especially like the trumpet gag on story 2, u know the one where gonzo accidently uses Zoot's sax?
I GOT IT!!!!!! LYNN FERGUSON!
Here's a request from Greengables95! Enjoy!
GUEST STAR: Pat Benatar
STYLE: Mid Season 5 (between Debbie Harry and Mac Davis)
Pops is trying to play the xylophone when Pat enters, walking a tiger.
Pops: Who are you?
Pat: Pat Benatar. I'm your guest star on the Muppet Show tonight.
Pops: Oh yeah, I just remembered something. We don't allow pets in this theater.
Pat: Really? Aww, that's too bad.
Tiger: Yeah, I feel really terrible about myself too. I'll go wait in the car.
Pat: Will you pick me up around.....-checks watch-....10?
Tiger: 10 is fine. I'm gonna go to the gas station if you need me. -leave-
Pops: I wonder who got their license first, the lady or the tiger?
TRUMPET GAG: Gonzo spits out cereal from his trumpet.
Gonzo: Well, it is the most important meal of the day.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show. Hey, we're gonna have a kickin' show for you tonight......
Waldorf: Did you say there's going to be kicking on this show tonight?
Kermit: No, I didn't mean it like.....
Statler: I think your hearing aid is off again. Here, let me fix it. -kicks Waldorf off the balcony- Oops. Sorry. -laughs-
Kermit: Oh boy...anyways, our guest star tonight is one of the most talented ladies of rock 'n' roll, Miss Pat Benatar!
Kermit: Yes. But first, a song that probably describes Miss Piggy's love for fashion pretty well....
MUSICAL NUMBER: Shop Around, lead by Miss Piggy, backed up by three Paris model-esque whatnots, in a Paris setting. Throughout the song, Miss Piggy changes into different outfits and types, including a princess outfit, a swimsuit, a cowgirl outfit, and, by the end of the song, a punk rock 'n' roll outfit. (which makes her feel humiliated)
Statler notices that Waldorf in looking a catalog.
Statler: What are you shopping around for?
Waldorf: The first train ticket out of here.
Miss Piggy: Kermie! Kermie, why!?!?!
Kermit: Why what?
Miss Piggy: Why this outfit?
Kermit: The one you're wearing now?
Miss Piggy: Yes, love. I look ridiculous in it! Look at me!
Kermit: Piggy, you look fine.
Miss Piggy: No....I look like I just came from a horror movie.
Uncle Deadly: -passing by- Then what do I look like? Huh? -leaves-
Miss Piggy: Weirdo! Humph.
Pat: Miss Piggy, what's the matter?
Miss Piggy: My outfit....I look.....-notices Pat's outfit, whom looks like a 1920's flapper-....amazing.
Pat: I wish I had your outfit on right now, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy: -gasp- Really? Err....I mean, yes. Moi does look amazing.
Pat: Yeah, you do. I'm not really diggin' this flapper outfit right. But, hey, I can deal with it.
Kermit: Oh, Pat, are you ready for your number?
Pat: I guess so, Kermit. Whenever you're ready, I am.
Pat and Kermit then head onstage, leaving Miss Piggy by herself to think.
Miss Piggy: Hmmm....maybe moi should consider something from this. Benefit. Hmmmm.
Miss Piggy then reads something in the newspaper that was left there by Kermit and then dials a number on a nearby telephone.
Kermit: Okay, it is now my privilege to introduce our guest star, Pat Benatar, as an elegant 1920's flapper. Here she is, Miss Pat Benatar! YAAAAAAAAY!
MUSICAL NUMBER: Heartbreaker, sung by Pat, as a flapper in a 1920's nightclub setting. She also dances in this number with The Mutations.
Statler: These time periods are so confusing.
Waldorf: What do you mean? Isn't this the Stone Age?
Statler: It's not if the stone keeps breaking.
BEAR ON PATROL: Patrol Bear arrests a Circus Monkey, who says he has psychic powers and mind control. At one point, the Circus Monkey uses his telekinetic powers to throw the Police Chief (Link Hogthrob) off the stage.
Kermit: Fozzie, what happened out there?
Fozzie: The monkey has gone King Kong on us! Run for your lives! Ahhhhhhhhh! -runs off-
Circus Monkey: Hey, get back here! I still need to show my power to break glass using my voice. -runs after Fozzie-
Kermit: I better go find some ear plugs before the circus monkey starts to sing opera selections. Scooter!
Scooter rushes in, wearing an outfit that is very similar to Miss Piggy's punk rock 'n' roll outfit.
Scooter: Yes, boss?
Kermit: -widens eyes- Scooter, what are you wearing?
Scooter: Oh, it's the latest fashion craze.
Kermit: You? Fashion crazes? That's something Miss Piggy would be worrying about.
Scooter: But this fashion IS by Miss Piggy.
Scooter: Yeah, everybody's wearing them. She calls it "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll."
Kermit: Uhh....Ahem. Anyways, Scooter, will you get me some earplugs before the monkey starts to............
The Circus Monkey, from offstage, sings a high note and breaks nearby glass, including Scooter's glasses.
MUSICAL NUMBER: Do That To Me One More Time, sung by Gonzo in his "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit, singing to the chickens. At the end, the chickens peck Gonzo in loving affection.
UK SKETCH: NEWSFLASH:
(In this, the Newsman is also wearing a "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit)
Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash! "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll," created by The Muppet Show's own Miss Piggy, is quickly becoming one of the most popular fashion trends of all time in a record of 10 minutes. In only 5 minutes, this outfit has been sold to 100,000,000 people nationwide, to both men and women alike. And even I'm happy to be wearing this ridiculous outfit....because it's actually really cool!
All of a sudden, a group of female whatnots attack The Newsman and rip off his "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit.
BACKSTAGE (Pat's Dressing Room):
Pat: -looking up from her magazine- "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll........" -sigh-
There's a knock on the door.
Pat: Come in.
Kermit enters. (He is not wearing a "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit)
Kermit: Hi, Pat.
Pat: Hey, Kermit.
Kermit: What's the matter?
Pat: It's this whole "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" fad.
Kermit: Oh yeah.....it's driving me kinda crazy too.
Pat: I tell Miss Piggy the outfit looks nice on her and she goes out making her outfit a fashion craze. I mean, don't you find that a little.....crazy?
Kermit: Yes, saying that crazy is our popular word of the day. What am I to do?
Pat: Kermit, you don't have to follow the craze if you don't have to. Fads and crazes, they all fade away eventually.
MUSICAL NUMBER: Yesterday, sung by Kermit and Pat.
MUPPET SPORTS: Dress Wrestling (A group of whatnots fight off in "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfits on the escalator of a mall)
Kermit is pacing around when Scooter comes in and sets down a box on the desk.
Scooter: Hey, Kermit. There's a package here for you.
Kermit: From who?
Scooter: Miss Piggy.
Scooter: I think we all know why. -goes off-
Kermit then reads then opens the package and retrieves a card from the package. It reads:
Moi specifically requested that this "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit inside be made just for vous, mon capitan. I hope vous enjoy it!
Kermit then takes out a green version of the "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit.
Kermit: -sigh- If you can't be 'em, you might as well join 'em. -goes off and then comes back on, with his "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit on- Hey, this actually doesn't feel so bad.
Uncle Deadly: -passing by- Ha ha! Now who looks he came from a horror movie? -leaves-
Kermit: Geesh. -goes onstage-
Kermit: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, our very special guest star, Miss Pat Benatar, singing her top charting number and exciting number "Hit Me With Your Best Shot!" YAAAAAY!!!!!
MUSICAL NUMBER: Hit Me With Your Best Shot, sung by Pat and Miss Piggy (both are in "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfits), accompanied by The Electric Mayhem (all members are also in "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfits as well).
Kermit: Well folks, it looks like as well that ends well, even in the fashion world. But before we go, let us thank our guest star once again, Miss Pat Benatar! YAAAAAY!
Pat: Kermit, I really enjoyed this evening. And I really enjoy this outfit too. Can I keep it?
Kermit: Of course, Pat.
Miss Piggy: -comes on, now out of her "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfit- Oh please. That outfit was so 25 minutes ago.
Pat: -to Kermit- I told you fads go by pretty quick around here.
Kermit: Ummm, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
(Goodnights: Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Fozzie, Scooter, Floyd and a few chickens (*All except Miss Piggy are in "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfits)
Statler and Waldorf are in "Piggy Rock 'n' Roll" outfits.
Statler: Why are we wearing an outfit created by a pig?
Waldorf: I'm not sure. Maybe next, they'll make an outfit created by cows.
Cow: Mooooo! That's not funny! -hits Statler and Waldorf with tail, which makes them fall off the balcony- Well, c'mon! Hit me with your best shot! Don't be chickens!
Well, here you go, Greengables95! I hope you enjoyed this outline. And I hope the rest of you did, too!
Even better than I expected! Thank you very much, MissMusical12!
GUEST STAR: Dolly Parton
STYLE: Mid/Late Season 5 (Between Carol Burnett and Johnny Cash)
Pops is trying to do a crossword puzzle.
Pops: "A 5-Letter word for a toy a girl plays with." Hmmmmmm.
Enter Dolly Parton
Pops: Oh, who are you?
Dolly: Why I'm Dolly Parton, sugar. I'm you're guest star on The Muppet Show tonight.
Pops: That's it!
Dolly: What's it?
Pops: "A 5-Letter word for a toy a girl plays with!" Dolly!
Dolly: You called?
Pops: No, not you. That was the right word for my crossword puzzle.
Dolly: -to camera- I got another word for him, I just don't feel like sayin' it.
TRUMPET GAG: Gonzo's trumpet fires gunshots.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you and welcome again to the Muppet Show. Hey, we're gonna have a great show for you tonight. Because our guest star is that ever-so talented and beautiful country singer, Miss Dolly Parton!
Kermit: Yes. But first, Gonzo has a friend he'd love to introduce us to......
MUSICAL NUMBER: Long Tall Sally, sung by Gonzo, accompanied by Lips, Zoot, Dr. Teeth, and Animal. Alongside Gonzo is a tall mutation, by the name of "Long Tall Sally" and dances with Gonzo. Although, Gonzo's thrown into the orchestra before the song ends. "Long Tall Sally" then falls for Animal, but Animal runs off the stage.
Waldorf: Maybe Sally doesn't like her men short.
Statler: She doesn't. Otherwise, it'd be a pretty short relationship.
Kermit: Animal, is Sally still chasing after you?
Animal: Animal no like Sally! She too tall! AHHHHHH! -runs off-
Kermit: Yeesh. Oh Scooter!
Scooter: Yes, chief?
Kermit: Who's supposed to be onstage right now?
Scooter: I believe Mitna, The Lobster Eating Clam.
Kermit: Okay! Mitna, onstage! Mitna, The Lobster Eating Clam!
Scooter: By the way, we kinda have a situation involving tonight's closing number.
Kermit: The one with our guest star?
Scooter: Yeah......well, you know how you said The Electric Mayhem could do the number?
Scooter: And then you said that Lubbock Lou and His Jughuggers could do the number?
Kermit: You mean, I said that to both of them?
Scooter: I guess.
Kermit: But only one of them could do the number.
Scooter: Well they both can't do it.
Kermit: Wait a minute! Maybe they can.
Scooter: Or maybe they can.
Mitna: -coming backstage- Ooooooh I'm too clammed up. I'm too stuffed. -burp- -leaves-
Kermit: Uhhh Scooter will you go introduce Dolly Parton while I go see if I can talk to Lubbock Lou and Dr. Teeth about doing the closing number together?
Scooter: It would be my honor, boss. -goes onstage-
Scooter: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now my honor to introduce our guest star, the lovely and talented Miss Dolly Parton!
Kermit: -offstage- Scooter.
Kermit: -offstage- Yay.
Scooter: Oh. Yaaaaaaaaaay!
MUSICAL NUMBER: Love Is Like A Butterfly, sung by Dolly, in a spring meadow setting, surrounded by butterflies.
Butterflies surround the balcony
Statler: Look at these butterflies. There's too many of them.
Waldorf: I know. I think I have a few of them in my stomach.
PIGS IN SPACE: Dr. Julius Strangepork finds an old record player on board the Swinetrek. It turns out that whatever song it plays, someone sings along to it, no matter how bad the song is (or how much First Mate Piggy detests it).
UK SKETCH: MUSICAL NUMBER: Somewhere (from West Side Story), sung by Robin on top of a cloud.
BACKSTAGE (Dolly's Dressing Room):
Dolly is fixing her hair, when there's a knock at the door.
Dolly: Come in, sugar.
Enter Floyd and Janice.
Janice: Hi, Dolly!
Dolly: Floyd, Janice, what can I do for y'all?
Floyd: We kinda have a situation on our hands right now.
Dolly: What situation?
Janice: Like Kermit promised that our band would do the closing number with you....
Floyd: But then he gave it to Lubbock Lou and his Jughuggers. Now he wants both bands to the closing number together.
Dolly: And what do you think of that situation, Floyd?
Floyd: We asked first. We deserve to sing with you.
Enter Slim Wilson and Lou.
Slim Wilson: Nu uh, hippie boy. We asked first.
Floyd: Oh yeah!
Slim Wilson: Yeah!
Floyd: OH YEAH!
Slim Wilson: YEAH!
Dolly: Fellas, fellas, let's not start any fightin' here. Any update, Lou?
Lou: Their band leader and our band leader, Lubbock Lou, are in negotiations right now.
Janice: When will we like hear a response?
Lou: I don't know. All I heard was.......no.
Dolly: Oh come on, I think it'd be fun to have two bands perform together.
Slim Wilson: Not for us.
Dolly: Come on. It's not about force to bring you guys together. It's the music that always brings people together. Even rivals.
Floyd: Dolly's got a point there. What was the real reason we joined our respective bands in the first place?
Slim Wilson: To make music, that's what.
Floyd: Right. Maybe it is time we bring our bands together.
Slim Wilson: Maybe it is time.
MUSICAL NUMBER: In The Ghetto, sung by Dolly, accompanied by Floyd, Janice, Slim Wilson and Lou.
MUPPET LABS: Bunsen has invented a wristwatch time machine, which can also make items from the past appear. A dinosaur then appears and chases after Beaker.
Waldorf: And they call us dinosaurs?
Statler: There's one right on the stage!
Kermit: Uhhh somebody get that dinosaur out of the theater!
Bunsen: Don't worry, Kermit, I will take care of it.
Beaker: Mee mee mee! Mee mee mee!!!!
Dr. Teeth: Okay, my little green friend, Lubbock Lou and I have come to an agreement on Dolly Parton's closing number.
Kermit: Oh good.
Lubbock Lou: We have decided that the Electric Mayhem take the number after all.
Kermit: What? No, I asked if you two do it together.
Dr. Teeth: Lubbock Lou doesn't even know who Dolly Parton is. Come to think of it, neither does Zoot.
Zoot: Huh? Who are we playing with?
Dr. Teeth: Janis Joplin. She's come back from the dead.
Dr. Teeth: Positive.
Kermit: Look, at this point, I don't really care who's doing Dolly Parton's closing number, JUST SOMEBODY GET ON STAGE BEFORE I FLIP OUT!
Lubbock Lou: You already are.....
Kermit: It is now my privilege to introduce a first on The Muppet Show. A collaboration between our own Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem and Lubbock Lou and his Jughuggers, along with our guest star, Miss Dolly Parton! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUSICAL NUMBER: All I Can Do, sung by Dolly, accompanied and backed up by The Electric Mayhem and Lubbock Lou and his Jughuggers.
Kermit: Well folks, we sure had a rousing time here tonight. Rock and country really can go together....even if it means threatening to fire them. But before we go, let us thank our guest star, again Miss Dolly Parton! YAAAAAAAAY!
Dolly: Kermit, thank you ever so ever for havin' me on the show. It was really swell.
Animal: -runs onstage- Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!
Dolly: Awww, Animal, you're quite an affectionate one there.
Animal: Animal like Dolly more than Sally!
Dolly: Who's Sally?
Gonzo: You mean you've never met Long Tall Sally?
Kermit: No! No! Don't bring her out! We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
(Goodnights: Kermit, Gonzo, Animal, Floyd, Janice, Slim Wilson, Lou, Lubbock Lou, Zeke and Zoot)
Waldorf is coughing.
Statler: Do you still have butterflies in your stomach from that last number.
Waldorf: It's all I can do to get them out! -coughs out butterfly-
Butterfly: Pick on a stomach your own size, my friend!
Ehhh this one wasn't too good. I tried, though. But I did hope you enjoyed it.
Luv them! luv the Janis Joplen part.
People kept on askin' me if I was dressed up as Janis Joplen for Halloween....
What did you dress up for for Halloween?
I kinda do look alot like Janis Joplen....
Ohhhh. I understand.
GUEST STAR: Jerry Orbach (He would later go on to be best known (to a lot of us) as Lumiere in "Beauty & The Beast")
STYLE: Early Season 4 (Between Dyan Cannon and Dudley Moore)
Scooter: Oh, Jerry! Jerry Orbach! 15 seconds till curtain, Mr. Orbach!
Jerry: Scooter, are there any extra matches around here?
Scooter: For what?
Jerry: Well a friend here got me this really nice candle, but I don't have anything to light it with.
Crazy Harry: -running in- Did anyone say to light the fire?!?!? -explosion-
Jerry: Well, on a good note, at least my candle's burning.
The candle then goes out again.
Scooter: Shall I find you a match?
Jerry: Be my guest. Bring on the razzle dazzle.
TRUMPET GAG: Gonzo's trumpet sounds like the locking of a prison cell.
Gonzo: Okay, so I had it coming!
Kermit: Thank you, thank you and welcome again to The Muppet Show! Hey, tonight's going to be a fantastic show because our guest star is one of the most talented stars of Broadway, including shows like "Promises, Promises" and "Chicago," Mr. Jerry Orbach!
Statler: Promises, promises, frog!
Waldorf: Yeah, bring out Jerry Orbach or we'll be heading to Chicago!
Kermit: But fellas, Jerry's not in the opening number.
Statler: So, what's the opening number?
OPENING NUMBER: I Wanna Be Like You (from The Jungle Book), sung by Quongo the Wild Mountain Gorilla singing to a boyish like whatnot, backed up by a group of monkeys.
Statler: Yeesh, that number was so bad I think this show has officially gone bananas!
Waldorf: Then why do we keep slipping back to it? We would've slipped outta here minutes ago!
Kermit: Okay, monkeys, nice job, nice job.
Random Monkey: I'll say. The audience went ape on us! -goes off-
Kermit: And it's only the beginning of the show.........
Miss Piggy: Kermie! Kermie! Kermie!
Kermit: Yes, Piggy?
Miss Piggy: Moi has a concern....
Miss Piggy: The number moi is going to be doing with the rest of the girls this evening.
Kermit: Cell Block Tango?
Miss Piggy: We don't like it.
Kermit: Why not?
Miss Piggy: The song is about being a ruthless, murderous, criminal......which moi is NOT!
Kermit: Piggy, that's something Sam would say, not you.
Miss Piggy: What?!?! Are you calling moi a dirty criminal!?!?!
Kermit: No, I didn't like......
Miss Piggy: HIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAA! -misses karate chopping Kermit, but karate chops Sam the Eagle, whom was passing by-
Kermit: -terrified- Speaking of the eagle, I think you just knocked it out. -goes onstage-
Kermit: Ummm okay, now here with us tonight is the talented Mr. Jerry Orbach, who proudly proclaims that "All he cares about.....is love."
MUSICAL NUMBER: All I Care About (Is Love) (from Chicago), sung by Jerry, backed up by a group of chorus girls (which also includes Janice and Annie Sue).
Waldorf: You know what all I care about is?
Waldorf: Leaving this show!
Kermit: Excellent job out there, ladies. Excellent job. And you too, Jerry!
Jerry: Thank you, Kermit. You know, I couldn't help but overhear a bit earlier over the fact that you want to do the Cell Block Tango as your closing number?
Kermit: Well I was supposed to.......but then Miss Piggy and the other girls didn't wanna do it.
Jerry: Why not? I think it'd be great!
Kermit: She said the number would make her look like.......-gulp-......a criminal.
Jerry: Listen, if she's so concerned about getting her reputation destroyed, why don't us guys do it?
Kermit: But the number was written for girls, Jerry.
Jerry: And if women could sing "There's Nothing Like A Dame," would they?
Jerry: Take my advice, Kermit. It'll be just as fun having us guys do the number as the girls. -goes into dressing room-
Kermit: By fun, we get mauled by the "Women's Association of America" later.
BEAR ON PATROL: Patrol Bear arrests Crazy Harry for blowing up a park statue. Patrol Bear states "He probably needs to visit a shrink," but the Police Chief counters by saying "He needs a year in the pen." (*To quote "Gee, Officer Kurpke"). Crazy Harry then blows up the police station.
UK SKETCH: MUSICAL NUMBER: Row, Row, Row Your Boat, performed by Chickens on piano. They then do it as a round.
BACKSTAGE (Jerry's dressing room):
Jerry is reading a newspaper when there's a knock on the door.
Jerry: The door is open.
Gonzo: Well it didn't say it was open. So I'm coming in anyways.
Jerry: Ah, Gonzo! Good to see ya! How've you been?
Gonzo: Terrific! I just heard that the guys are now doing the Cell Block Tango?
Jerry: That's what Kermit said.
Gonzo: Well, I wanna be in it!
Jerry: Well, that's great to hear, Gonzo.
Gonzo: Is it too late for me to sign up?
Jerry: -takes out clipboard- Nope. There's still plenty of room. Just me.....and Kermit.
Jerry: We're still pretty low on guys. We're halfway there. Do you know any other guys who'd wanna do the number?
Gonzo: Nope, but you know what would be even greater about the number?
Jerry: What's that?
Gonzo: If I tangoed with a jail cell pole at my part! I mean, it IS the Cell Block Tango after all.
Jerry: What is there left to say except....what's for me to care about?
VET'S HOSPITAL: Crazy Harry is the patient in Vet's Hospital. Nurse Piggy stated that Crazy Harry is here to visit the shrink, in which Dr. Bob replies "Shrink? His head?"
Statler: After watching that, I think I need to visit a shrink.
Waldorf: To shrink our heads, too?
Statler: No, to shrink my memory of this show!
Miss Piggy: Kermie! I hear your Cell Block Tango is going pretty well.
Kermit: Very, Piggy. In fact, our guest star is even doing the number with us.
Miss Piggy: Jerry? Him? Ha! Don't make moi laugh, Kermit.
Kermit: But you almost did, Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Well well...who else is doing the number?
Kermit: -checks clipboard- Umm....Fozzie?
Kermit: You said you were doing the Cell Block Tango, right?
Fozzie: Oh yeah yeah yeah! Hey, where's my costume?
Kermit: You're wearing it.
Fozzie: You mean we're going out on stage naked?
Kermit: No! Fozzie!
Floyd: -passing by- No one told us anything about nudity in this number.
Miss Piggy: You mean you guys are going out onstage naked?
Kermit: WILL YOU ALL BE QUIET!?!??!?! Nobody is going to the number naked!
Gonzo: -comes in, naked- Can I do it naked?
All but Gonzo: -covering their eyes- Gaaaaaaah!
Kermit: Gonzo! Please! Put some clothes on!
Floyd: Yeah, man. My eyes are burning just looking at you.
Fozzie: I think I can feel it, too.
Miss Piggy: Ummm hello? What about moi?
Floyd: What about you? Aren't your eyes burning?
Gonzo: Hey, how come my eyes aren't burning?
Kermit: Okay, can we please stop talking about this and get on stage! -Floyd and Fozzie head onstage, while Miss Piggy goes off- And Gonzo.....please put some clothes on! Scooter!
Scooter: Uh yes, chief?
Kermit: Will you introduce the number for us?
Kermit: And Scooter, one more thing?
Kermit:.......Make sure Gonzo puts some clothes on. -goes onstage-
Scooter: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the six merry murderers of the Muppet County Jail, including our guest star Jerry Orbach, in their rendition of The Cell Block Tango!
MUSICAL NUMBER: The Cell Block Tango (from Chicago), sung by (in order) Fozzie, Gonzo, Kermit, Beaker, Jerry, and Floyd
Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, may I just say tonight was a wonderful, thrilling evening for all of us. And now let's once again thank our guest star, Mr. Jerry Orbach! YAAAAAAAY!!!!
Jerry: Ah, thank you, Kermit. Now that wasn't too bad performing the Cell Block Tango now was it?
Kermit: Actually not at all.
Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie! You looked so precious as a criminal up there!
Kermit: Uhhh...thank you, Piggy.
Miss Piggy: And don't worry. If there's ever any woman named Wilma that comes into your life.....I'll make sure to kill her for you.
Jerry: Now that's threatening.
Kermit: Yeesh. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
(Goodnights: Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Floyd, Scooter, Beaker and Crazy Harry)
Waldorf: Boy did we have it coming.
Statler: We sure did.....what did we have coming?
Crazy Harry: THIS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -explosion-
Happy Election Day, everyone! I hope you all enjoy this fun little outline I whipped up! Stay tuned for more coming soon!
I love all of these outlines! Just picturing this version of Cell Block Tango makes me laugh!
Separate names with a comma.