This is the first part of the first draft of a Muppet script I've written. It takes songs from musicals such as "Sweet Charity", "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", "Oklahoma" and many more. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Int. Miss Piggy’s house. Camilla, the other Chickens, the Girls and Janice are in the lounge. They sit on the sofa. PIGGY runs in through the front door, she is singing. MUSICAL NO. 1-I’M A BRASS BAND. PIGGY (Spoken) Someone loves me! Someone loves me! (Sung) SOMEONE LOVES ME, MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST. ALL KINDS OF MUSIC IS POURING OUT OF ME, SOMEBODY LOVES ME AT LAST! NOW... I'M A BRASS BAND, I'M A HARPSICHORD; I'M A CLARINET! I'M THE PHILADELPHIA ORCHESTRA; I'M THE MODERN JAZZ QUARTET! I'M THE BAND FROM MACY'S BIG PARADE. A WILD COUNT BASIE BLAST! I'M THE BELLS FROM SAINT PETER'S IN ROME I'M TISSUE PAPER ON A COMB... AND ALL KINDS OF MUSIC IS POURING OUT OF ME 'CAUSE... SOMEBODY LOVES ME...AT LAST! GIRLS (They jump up and start dancing with PIGGY) SHE'S A BRASS BAND, SHE'S A HARPSICHORD, SHE’S A CLARINET! PIGGY That’s moi! GIRLS SHE'S THE PHILADELPHIA ORCHESTRA, SHE'S THE MODERN JAZZ QUARTET! SHE'S A BRASS BAND, SHE'S A HARPSICHORD, SHE'S A CLARINET! JANICE SHE'S THE PHILADELPHIA ORCHESTRA, SHE'S THE MODERN JAZZ QUARTET! GIRLS SHE'S THE BAND FROM MACY'S BIG PARADE A WILD COUNT BASIE BLAST! SHE'S THE BELLS FROM SAINT PETER'S IN ROME SHE'S TISSUE PAPER ON A COMB... PIGGY Somebody loves me…at last!!! JANICE Oh, Piggy! That’s so totally cool! GIRLS Yeah, that’s swell Piggy, what’s his name, where did you meet him? (Ad. Libs.) PIGGY His name is…Teeth! (The chickens start clucking) I met him in the “Golden Palladium” night club! GIRLS Oooh! PIGGY He’s the Teeth who runs the Teeth Empire! With the huge Vegas casinos and the majestic palaces in New York City! He’s a doctor…of love. His friends call him…Dr. Teeth! GIRLS Oooh! PIGGY He has 300 kids! GIRLS (Disappointment) Oh. PIGGY But, that’s OK. They’re all managers and presidents of his different areas of business. GIRLS Oooh! PIGGY He’s asked me something, something important. He wants me to move in with him. JANICE Oh, no! What a total bummer, man! GIRLS No, you can’t move out! What about our friendship! Please, Piggy. Oh, no! You can’t do this! (Ad. Libs.) CHICKENS (In protest) Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! PIGGY Listen please. Listen. (Shouting) SHUT UP!!! (There is total silence) He wants me to take one friend to work at his palace. And…oh…Janice, will you come with me? JANICE Well, I- PIGGY You’ll have a room and a nice new job…please. JANICE But I was gonna wash my hair and go for a- PIGGY (Angry) Do you wanna come with me or not! JANICE Oh, OK! Let’s go! Ext. MISS PIGGY’s house. CAMILLA, the other CHICKENS and the GIRLS are waving goodbye to PIGGY and JANICE who are dresses in their hats and coats. PIGGY Goodbye, Pepper. Goodbye, Puffy. Goodbye, Julie. Goodbye, Stacey. I’ll call you all. JANICE Goodbye, Jessie. Goodbye, Camilla. Goodbye, Elektra. Goodbye, Denise. I’ll call you. (They get into a cab and drive away.) Ext. Teeth House. The cab pulls up to the gates surrounding the large gold building. The gates open and the cab goes in. Int. Entrance Hall. Teeth House. It is a large and grand room with paintings, antiques and other expensive objects dotted around the room. There are workers and attendants running everywhere. A grand gold staircase is in the centre of the room. SCOOTER approaches PIGGY and JANICE. SCOOTER Hi, I’m Scooter. Dr. Teeth is expecting you. Let me show you girls around. MUSICAL NO. 2-I THINK I’M GONNA LIKE IT HERE. SCOOTER BOBO WILL PICK OUT ALL YOUR CLOTHES BOBO (Spoken. To Janice) GREEN IS HER BEST COLOUR, NO BLUE I THINK. SCOOTER YOUR BATH IS DRAWN BY ANNIE SUE. ANNIE SUE (Spoken. To Piggy) SOAP...NO, BUBBLES, I THINK. SCOOTER RIZZO COMES IN TO MAKE YOUR BED. RIZZO (Spoken. To Janice) THE SILK, NO THE SATIN SHEETS, I THINK. PIGGY I THINK I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE! SCOOTER THE SWIMMING POOL IS TO THE LEFT JANICE (Spoken) INSIDE THE HOUSE? OH BOY. SCOOTER THE TENNIS COURT IS IN THE REAR PIGGY (Spoken) I NEVER EVEN PICKED UP A RACKET. SCOOTER HAVE AN INSTRUCTOR HERE AT NOON JANICE I THINK I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE. SCOOTER WHEN YOU WAKE RING FOR DRAKE DRAKE WILL BRING YOUR TRAY WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH MRS.PUGH COMES AND TAKES IT AWAY. RIZZO NO NEED TO PICK UP ANY THINGS! PIGGY (Spoken) That's OK, I haven't got any anyway. SCOOTER NO FINGER WILL YOU LIFT MY DEAR ALL ATTENDANTS WE HAVE BUT ONE REQUEST PLEASE PUT US TO THE TEST PIGGY I KNOW I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE JANICE USED TO ROOM IN A TOMB WHERE I'D SIT AND FREEZE GET ME NOW, HOLY COW COULD SOMEONE PINCH ME PLEASE. SCOOTER WE'VE NEVER HAD A WOMAN PIG! ALL WE'VE NEVER HAD A WOMAN PIG. WE HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR WISH IS OUR COMMAND PIGGY & JANICE I KNOW I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE! SCOOTER That’s the spirit! Well done, girls. So shall I show you to your new apartments? JANICE Yeah, man! (To Piggy) Piggy, this is so totally cool! I can’t believe you’re going to be dating this guy! PIGGY Yes! (She runs around the entrance hall) Hooray! Yes! Hallelui-AAARRRGGGHHH! (She falls over in a wet patch of the marble floor. Kermit is standing over her with a janitor’s uniform on and a mop in his hand. Janice runs over to see what happens.) KERMIT Excuse me, but are you OK? (Piggy gets up. She is madly in love with Kermit) PIGGY Er…yes, I’ll live. KERMIT Oh, good. (He pulls Piggy up with his hand) I’m so sorry; I’ve made a terrible first impression. PIGGY Well, I always say first impressions are always the worst! KERMIT Listen, I feel really guilty about what just happened. Can I take you out for a drink, on me? PIGGY Yes, of course- JANICE Piggy, what about- PIGGY (Whispering) Shut it, Janice! (To Kermit) Of course, I’d love that. KERMIT OK, how’s Saturday? PIGGY Fine, I’m free. KERMIT OK, I’ll meet you here at 7 PM on Saturday. PIGGY It’s a date! KERMIT Yes, it’s a date, Miss..? PIGGY Piggy, Miss Piggy. KERMIT Miss Piggy, what a beautiful name. SCOOTER (Approaching) Ah, ladies. You seem to have met Kermit, our deputy janitor. PIGGY Yes, we’ve got to know each other. SCOOTER Well, to your new home! (Scooter and Janice leave) KERMIT Bye, Piggy. See you on Saturday. PIGGY Bye, Kermie! (She leaves. Rizzo approaches Kermit) RIZZO Hey, Kermit. I see you’ve met the chick. KERMIT She’s not a chicken, she’s a pig. I’ve got a date with that pig on Saturday night. RIZZO You what? KERMIT Miss Piggy and I have got a date for Saturday night. RIZZO You can’t! Do you realise who she is? Do you realise why she’s here? KERMIT Well…no. RIZZO She ain't just any old chick; she’s the boss’s chick! KERMIT OK, will you stop saying-she’s what? RIZZO That’s the new lady friend that Teeth's got living here. KERMIT Well, I thought he had a wife. RIZZO What gave you that idea? KERMIT He’s got 300 kids, what would you think? RIZZO Yeah, sure. KERMIT Oh, what am I gonna do, Rizzo? RIZZO Come on; let’s get back to our place. KERMIT Yeah. (They climb the gold staircase) Int. The boy’s apartment. This is a small room with 5 beds, 2 sofas, 1 television and a door that says “W.C.” on it. Fozzie, Pepe and Gonzo are sitting on a sofa, watching TV. Rizzo and Kermit enter through the front door. FOZZIE Hey, Kermit. GONZO Hello. PEPE Good evening, OK. KERMIT No, it’s been a crummy day! FOZZIE What happened? GONZO Did you get bit? (Everyone looks at Gonzo, there is a pause) What? KERMIT No, I got a date- PEPE That’s wonderful, OK. GONZO Oh, your date bit you! (Everyone looks at Gonzo again, there is another pause) KERMIT No, my date was- GONZO So, who got bit? KERMIT No one got bit! I’ve fallen in love with the girlfriend of Dr. Teeth! I’m going out with her on Saturday night. What am I going to do? GONZO Er…I don’t know. PEPE Hey, you don’t worry. She made a move on you first, OK. RIZZO Yeah, if she really loves Teeth, she’d have rejected you. As far as you are concerned, there’s no Dr. Teeth in the picture. Just act as if you don’t know she’s dating him. FOZZIE And don’t mention it to anyone, because we all know what happened to the last guy who was dating Teeth's lady friend. GONZO (Whispering) Fozzie! FOZZIE Can’t you remember Gonzo, when Dr. Teeth found out that his girlfriend was seeing the bell boy at his hotel in Atlantic City? Oh, he beat him, and he smacked him, and then threw him down the elevator shaft. It was terrib-(He realises what he’s done) but, that won’t happen to you Kermit…unless Teeth finds out. (Kermit sinks into a seat) Int. Piggy’s apartment. This is a grand room with white and gold walls. There is a luxury sofa, dining table and television set and many more other expensive items in the room. Piggy and Janice enter and dump their bags on the floor. They are amazed. PIGGY Holy cow! JANICE Man! This is it, for sure! PIGGY If my friends could see me now! JANICE We have arrived! Hooray! (They start hugging each other) The one thing I can’t understand is why you’re going out with that frog on Saturday. PIGGY Well you know what I’m like! MUSICAL NO. 3-I CAN’T SAY NO. PIGGY IT AIN'T SO MUCH A QUESTION OF NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO. I’VE KNOWN WHAT’S RIGHT AND WRONG SINCE I WAS TEN. I HEARD A LOT OF STORIES AND I RECKON THEY ARE TRUE ABOUT HOW GIRLS ARE PUT UPON BY MEN. I KNOW I MUSTN'T FALL INTO THE PIT, BUT WHEN I'M WITH A FELLER, I FORGET! I'M JUST A GIRL WHO CAN’T SAY NO, I'M IN A TERRIBLE FIX I ALWAYS SAY "COME ON, LET’S GO" JUST WHEN I OUGHT TO SAY NIX! WHEN A PERSON TRIES TO KISS A GIRL, I KNOW SHE OUGHT TO GIVE HIS FACE A SMACK. BUT AS SOON AS SOMEONE KISSES ME, I SOMEHOW, SORT OF, WANT TO KISS HIM BACK! I'M JUST A FOOL WHEN LIGHTS ARE LOW I CAN’T BE PRISSY AND QUAINT I AIN'T THE TYPE THAT CAN FAINT HOW CAN I BE WHAT I AIN'T? I CAN’T SAY NO! WHAT YOU GOING TO DO WHEN A FELLER GETS FLIRTY, AND STARTS TO TALK PURTY? WHAT YOU GOING TO DO? SUPPOSING' 'AT HE SAYS 'AT YOUR LIPS ARE LIKE CHERRIES, ER ROSES, ER BERRIES? WHAT YOU GOING TO DO? SUPPOSING AT HE SAYS THAT YOU'RE SWEETER THAN CREAM, AND HE'S GOT TO HAVE CREAM OR DIE? WHAT YOU GOING TO DO WHEN HE TALKS THAT WAY, SPIT IN HIS EYE? I'M JUST A GIRL WHO CAN’T SAY NO, CAN’T SEEM TO SAY IT AT ALL I HATE TO DISAPPOINT A BEAU WHEN HE IS PAYING' A CALL! FOR A WHILE I ACT REFINED AND COOL, A SITTING ON THE VELVETEEN SETTEE THEN I THINK OF THAT OLD GOLDEN RULE, AND DO FOR HIM WHAT HE WOULD DO FOR ME! I CAN’T RESIST A ROMEO IN A SOMBRERO AND CHAPS SOON AS I SIT ON THEIR LAPS SOMETHING' INSIDE OF ME SNAPS (She karate chops the sofa and it breaks in 2) I CAN’T SAY NO! JANICE So every time a guy asked you to dance in High School- PIGGY I said yes! There were gaping big holes in my disco shoes! (There is a knock at the door) ANIMAL (Voice) Room service! PIGGY Enter!!! ANIMAL (He enters and sees Miss Piggy) HOT WOMAN!!! (He drops his silver tray and jumps at Piggy, who pushes him off) PIGGY GET OUT, YOU **** ANIMAL!!! (He gets locked out. Janice looks at Piggy) Well, I have some standards! JANICE Oh, Piggy. (The phone rings. Piggy answers it) PIGGY (To phone) Hello…speaking…yeah…oh…OK…bye. (She puts the phone down) It’s Dr. Teeth, he wants to see me right away. Goodbye, Janice! (She leaves) Int. Dr. Teeth’s office. It is a dark room with a spotlight pointing to a desk with 4 chairs. The first chair is on one side and the others are on the other side. Dr. Teeth is sitting on the single chair) DR. TEETH NEXT!!! PIGGY (Running in) TEETH!!! Did you miss me? DR. TEETH Of course, Piggy! (Piggy starts kissing him all over) OK, OK! (She stops) How’s the room? PIGGY Oh, it’s wonderful! I have a coffee table, and 130 extra channels for my television, and a- DR. TEETH That’s great Piggy. So have you met any new people? PIGGY Yes, I’ve made friends with an amazing janitor called Kermit. He’s taking me out on Saturday night and- DR. TEETH HE WHAT??? PIGGY Oh, it’s OK; we’re just going out as friends. DR. TEETH But after Saturday I don’t want you seeing this Kermit guy, or any of the other staff. It could cause all sort of problems. PIGGY But I just ha- DR. TEETH No buts! PIGGY OK. MUSICAL NO. 4-CHU-CHI FACE. DR. TEETH YOU’RE MY LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE MY COO-CHI, COO-CHI, WOO-CHI LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU I SIGH PIGGY AND YOU’RE MY LITTLE TEDDY BEAR MY LOVEY LOVEY DOVEY LITTLE TEDDY BEAR YOU’RE THE APFEL STRUDEL OF MINE EYE YOUR CHU-CHI WOO-CHI NOSE YOUR CHU-CHI WOO-CHI EYES DR. TEETH THEY SET MY HEART A FLUTTER YOUR OOO-CHI COO-CHI WAYS YOUR OOO-CHI COO-CHI GAZE WILTS ME DOWN LIKE MELTING BUTTER YOU’RE MY LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE PIGGY AND YOU’RE MY TEDDY BEAR TOGETHER WE’RE A CHU-CHI WOO-CHI, OOO-CHI COO-CHI PAIR WHATEVER YOU MAY ASK BECOMES MY HAPPY TASK I ONLY LIVE TO SERVE YOU DR. TEETH I NEVER WILL DIVINE WHAT MAGIC MADE YOU MINE I ONLY KNOW I DON’T DESERVE YOU YOU’RE MY LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE PIGGY AND YOU’RE MY TEDDY BEAR TOGETHER WE’RE A CHU-CHI WOO-CHI, OOO-CHI COO-CHI CHU-CHI, WOO-CHI, OOO-CHI, COO-CHI PAIR CHU-CHI WOO-CHI OOO-CHI COO-CHI PAIR DR. TEETH You shall dine with me tonight in the grand hall. PIGGY Thanks, sweetie. Bye! (She leaves) DR. TEETH Sam!!! (Sam the Eagle comes in) SAM THE EAGLE Yes, sir. DR. TEETH Bring in Team XXX! SAM THE EAGLE Are you sure you want to- DR. TEETH Just do it!!! SAM THE EAGLE Yes, sir. (He leaves. A few moments later, 6 men in tuxedos and suitcases come in. They are Lew Zealand, Beaker, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Crazy Harry, Andy Pig and Randy Pig. They all place their cases on the desk.) DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW You called, Sir? DR. TEETH Yes, I want Kermit the Frog dead! RANDY No! You can’t kill Kermit. He’s the star of this movie! He’s the- DR. TEETH Randy!!! RANDY I’m sorry, Sir. DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW Well, we have been producing and inventing various little things over various weeks. First, a gadget for Lew Zealand here. We know he likes throwing fish, so we’ve invented him this. Beaker, open the case. (Beaker enters and opens one of the suitcases and produces a fish. Everyone holds their noses) ANDY How long as that been in there? DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW Approximately 3 months. BEAKER Approximately 3 months. DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW Lew simply throws the fish and…bang! (Andy picks it up) ANDY Look! (Putting on funny voice and playing with fish) My name is Felicity, and if I fall I go pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Po- DR. TEETH Andy!!! ANDY AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!! (He drops the fish on the desk. There is a huge explosion and the desk breaks up into a million pieces. The debris flies everywhere) DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW Oh, dear! CRAZY HARRY Crazy Harry likes explosions!!! DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW Sorry about that desk, Sir. Now, for Andy and Randy here we have this. (He picks up a bottle of “Sip Sip Bang Bang" cola) Here we have a bottle of soft drink, innocent to the eye and deadly to the taste. You simply sip and the drink will take your victim to a couple of hundred years of snoozing. RANDY Erm, Dr. Honeydew, what happens if we mix this bottle up with normal cola? DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW You can easily distinguish this bottle from others; this one has a large red cross over the bottle top. Now, we all know that Crazy Harry likes explosions, so here is something we’ve been testing out. (Beaker picks up a large model of a fly) Simply pull one of the wings and let her fly. In 15 seconds she will blow her top, quite literally! BEAKER Quite literally! Beep! DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW Yes, luckily we are targeting a frog, and frogs love flies. So that’s it what do you think, sir? DR. TEETH I think we need a little extra help. Sam! Bring in Agent Z! ALL Agent Z! Int. The boy’s apartment. The boys are all in their beds. Kermit is sitting up with his pyjamas on. FOZZIE Goodnight, Gonzo. Goodnight, Pepe. Goodnight, Kermit. Goodnight, Rizzo. Goodnight, Mary-Ellen. Goodnight, John Boy. Goodnight, Grandma. Goodnight, Grandpa. Goodnight, Marlon Brando, Goodnight, Jennifer Garner. (Kermit starts to sing) MUSICAL NO. 5-CASTLE ON A CLOUD. KERMIT THERE IS A CASTLE ON A CLOUD, I LIKE TO GO THERE IN MY SLEEP, AREN'T ANY FLOORS FOR ME TO SWEEP, NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD. THERE IS A ROOM THAT'S FULL OF TOYS, THERE ARE A HUNDRED BOYS AND GIRLS, NOBODY SHOUTS OR TALKS TOO LOUD, NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD. THERE IS A LADY ALL IN WHITE, HOLDS ME AND SINGS A LULLABY, SHE'S NICE TO SEE AND SHE'S SOFT TO TOUCH, SHE SAYS "KERMIT, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH." I KNOW A PLACE WHERE NO ONE'S LOST, I KNOW A PLACE WHERE NO ONE CRIES, CRYING AT ALL IS NOT ALLOWED, NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD. (We go into Kermit’s dream. He is in his room with his broom and mop) OH HELP! I THINK I HEAR THEM NOW, AND I'M NOWHERE NEAR FINISHED SWEEPING AND SCRUBBING AND POLISHING THE FLOOR. OH, IT'S HIM! IT'S MAD MAN! (Dr. Teeth enters) DR. TEETH NOW LOOK WHO'S HERE THE LITTLE FROG HERSELF! PRETENDING ONCE AGAIN HE'S BEEN SO AWFULLY GOOD,' BETTER NOT LET ME CATCH YOU SLACKING BETTER NOT CATCH MY EYE! TEN ROTTEN BUCKS YOUR MOTHER SENDS ME WHAT IS THAT GOING TO BUY? NOW TAKE THAT PAIL MY LITTLE ANIMAL! AND GO AND DRAW SOME WATER FROM THE WELL! WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE TAKEN YOU IN IN THE FIRST PLACE HOW STUPID THE THINGS THAT WE DO! LIKE FATHER LIKE SON, THE SCUM OF THE STREET. KERMIE, COME MY DEAR, KERMIE, LET ME SEE YOU YOU LOOK VERY WELL IN THAT NEW LITTLE BLUE HAT THERE'S SOME LITTLE FROGS WHO KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE AND THEY KNOW WHAT TO WEAR AND I'M SAYING THANK HEAVEN FOR THAT. STILL THERE KERMIT? (Kermit starts weeping) YOUR TEARS WILL DO YOU NO GOOD! I TOLD YOU FETCH SOME WATER FROM THE WELL IN THE WOOD! KERMIT PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME OUT ALONE NOT IN THE DARKNESS ON MY OWN! DR. TEETH ENOUGH OF THAT, OR I'LL FORGET TO BE NICE! YOU HEARD ME ASK FOR SOMETHING, AND I NEVER ASK TWICE! (Kermit wakes up quickly) FOZZIE Goodnight, Julie Andrews. Goodnight, George Bush. Goodnight, Angelina J-oh, hey Kermit. Have a bad dream? KERMIT Yeah, I did. Fozzie, do you think that if Dr. Teeth really does find out about Miss Piggy and I, he’ll come after me. FOZZIE No, of course not! Kermit, you have the best friends that even money can’t buy. KERMIT In know, but- FOZZIE Remember what I always say-you never walk alone! KERMIT I will, Fozzie. FOZZIE Good, you enjoy your date with Miss Piggy. If anyone asks, you’re just friends. KERMIT Hey, maybe Miss Piggy only wants to be friends. Maybe I took this the wrong way. Now I can sleep better! Thanks, Fozzie. (He relaxes in his bed) FOZZIE No problem! (He stars snoring) Int. Entrance Hall. Teeth House. It is fairly empty except from Kermit. He is standing at the bottom of the stairs. Miss Piggy starts to descend the stairs. She is wearing a glamorous dress and has done her hair especially. She looks wonderful. When she is 5 steps down, she falls over and tumbles down the stairs. She gets up next to Kermit. PIGGY Oh, er…sorry Kermit. KERMIT It’s OK, but you do seem a tad accident prone. PIGGY Yes, it comes from my mother’s side. KERMIT I see. PIGGY So, where are we going tonight? KERMIT There’s a new club open down the street called “The Golden Toothpick”. I thought we could go there. It’s the new Teeth club, so we may get a dollar off our bill. PIGGY Yeah. So, let’s go! (They leave) Int. Golden Toothpick Ballroom. This is a traditional ballroom with a bar on the side. There are couples milling around and dancing. Kermit and Miss Piggy enter. PIGGY It’s wonderful. KERMIT Yeah. (There is a long pause) Piggy, why didn’t you tell me about you and Dr. Teeth? PIGGY Erm…(pointing off camera) is that a ghost? KERMIT No, that’s a cardboard cut-out. Piggy I- PIGGY Oh, come on Kermie! Let’s dance and get to know each other. KERMIT OK. (The Electric Mayhem, minus Janice and Dr. Teeth and plus Rolf, start to play a song. Kermit and Piggy start to dance on the dance floor) MUSICAL NO. 6-GETTING TO KNOW YOU. PIGGY AS A PIGGY I'VE BEEN LEARNING, YOU'LL FORGIVE ME IF I BOAST, AND I'VE NOW BECOME AN EXPERT, ON THE SUBJECT I LIKE MOST. (Spoken) Getting to know you. (Sung) GETTING TO KNOW YOU, GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU. GETTING TO LIKE YOU, GETTING TO HOPE YOU LIKE ME. GETTING TO KNOW YOU, PUTTING IT MY WAY, BUT NICELY, YOU ARE PRECISELY, MY CUP OF TEA KERMIT GETTING TO KNOW YOU, GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU. GETTING TO LIKE YOU, GETTING TO HOPE YOU LIKE ME. GETTING TO KNOW YOU, PUTTING IT MY WAY, BUT NICELY, YOU ARE PRECISELY, PIGGY MY CUP OF TEA. KERMIT GETTING TO KNOW YOU, GETTING TO FEEL FREE AND EASY WHEN I AM WITH YOU, GETTING TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED SUDDENLY I'M BRIGHT AND BREEZY? BECAUSE OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL AND NEW THINGS I'M LEARNING ABOUT YOU DAY BY DAY. PIGGY GETTING TO KNOW YOU, GETTING TO FEEL FREE AND EASY WHEN I AM WITH YOU, GETTING TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED SUDDENLY I'M BRIGHT AND BREEZY? BECAUSE OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL AND NEW THINGS I'M LEARNING ABOUT YOU DAY…BY…DAY. (They stop dancing and stand by the bar) KERMIT Well, that dance was certainly nice. PIGGY Yes, it was. Kermie, the reason I didn’t mention Dr. Teeth is that I didn’t want you to worry about it. KERMIT Does Dr. Teeth know about us having a drink tonight? PIGGY Yes, we have spoken about the matter in hand. KERMIT And what does he think. PIGGY Er-do you like my new hairstyle. KERMIT Piggy, your hair is no different to the last time I saw it. PIGGY He, he, he! Kermit, you make me giggle. (Clifford, the bartender, approaches Kermit and Piggy) CLIFFORD Hey, frog! Do you wanna drink? KERMIT Yes, a glass of water- PIGGY Along with a round of your finest champagne! Put it on Dr. Teeth’s tab! CLIFFORD For sure! (Shouting) Grover! Pop open some of that cheap garbage from the van! GROVER (Behind bar) Will do! (A new song is played by the band. Annie-Sue is singing with Rowlf. Everyone starts to dance) MUSICAL NO. 7-WHO’S GOT THE PAIN? Annie-Sue UGH! WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY GO "UGH"? WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU? ROWLF WHO NEEDS A PILL WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? WHO NEEDS A PILL WHEN THEY GO "UGH"? WHO NEEDS A PILL WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU? CLIFFORD SOMEONE MUST BE SICK WITH THE HEAT? OR STEPPIN' IN EVERYONE'S FEET? PEPE BUT IF EVERYONE'S FEELIN' O.K. BILL FROG WHY DON'T THEY JUST SAY "OLAY"? ROWLF WHEN THE MUSIC CARRIES THEN AWAY! "UGH!"? ZIPPETY-ZAP WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? JOHNNY FIAMA WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY GO "UGH"? SAL WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? MUPPET NEWSMAN I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU? POPS IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? GROVER IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? LINK HOGTHROB IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? POINT HIM OUT, JULIUS STRANGEPORK FOR THERE IS AN ELEMENT OF DOUBT-AS TO KERMIT WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? PIGGY WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY GO "UGH"? ALL WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO? I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU?