1. Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
    You are viewing our forum as a guest. Join our free community to post topics and start private conversations. Please contact us if you need help with registration or your account login.

  2. "Muppets Most Wanted" Fan Reactions
    After you see "Muppets Most Wanted", read fan reactions and let us know your thoughts on the Muppets eighth theatrical film.

  3. "Muppets Most Wanted" Original Soundtrack
    With a new Muppet movie one of the most anticipated merchandise releases is the official soundtrack. Listen to the Muppets Most Wanted original soundtrack now playing on Muppet Central Radio.

My script-Muppet Musical Mayhem!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by HPDJ, Jun 13, 2005.

  1. HPDJ

    HPDJ Member

    This is the first part of the first draft of a Muppet script I've written. It takes songs from musicals such as "Sweet Charity", "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", "Oklahoma" and many more.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Int. Miss Piggy’s house. Camilla, the other Chickens, the Girls and Janice are in the lounge. They sit on the sofa. PIGGY runs in through the front door, she is singing.

    MUSICAL NO. 1-I’M A BRASS BAND.

    PIGGY
    (Spoken) Someone loves me!
    Someone loves me!
    (Sung) SOMEONE LOVES ME,
    MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST.
    ALL KINDS OF MUSIC IS POURING OUT OF ME,
    SOMEBODY LOVES ME AT LAST!
    NOW...
    I'M A BRASS BAND,
    I'M A HARPSICHORD;
    I'M A CLARINET!
    I'M THE PHILADELPHIA ORCHESTRA;
    I'M THE MODERN JAZZ QUARTET!
    I'M THE BAND FROM MACY'S BIG PARADE.
    A WILD COUNT BASIE BLAST!
    I'M THE BELLS FROM SAINT PETER'S IN ROME
    I'M TISSUE PAPER ON A COMB...
    AND ALL KINDS OF MUSIC
    IS POURING OUT OF ME 'CAUSE...
    SOMEBODY LOVES ME...AT LAST!

    GIRLS
    (They jump up and start dancing with PIGGY)
    SHE'S A BRASS BAND,
    SHE'S A HARPSICHORD,
    SHE’S A CLARINET!

    PIGGY
    That’s moi!

    GIRLS
    SHE'S THE PHILADELPHIA ORCHESTRA,
    SHE'S THE MODERN JAZZ QUARTET!
    SHE'S A BRASS BAND,
    SHE'S A HARPSICHORD,
    SHE'S A CLARINET!

    JANICE
    SHE'S THE PHILADELPHIA ORCHESTRA,
    SHE'S THE MODERN JAZZ QUARTET!

    GIRLS
    SHE'S THE BAND FROM MACY'S BIG PARADE
    A WILD COUNT BASIE BLAST!
    SHE'S THE BELLS FROM SAINT PETER'S IN ROME
    SHE'S TISSUE PAPER ON A COMB...

    PIGGY
    Somebody loves me…at last!!!

    JANICE
    Oh, Piggy! That’s so totally cool!

    GIRLS
    Yeah, that’s swell Piggy, what’s his name, where did you meet him? (Ad. Libs.)

    PIGGY
    His name is…Teeth! (The chickens start clucking) I met him in the “Golden Palladium” night club!

    GIRLS
    Oooh!

    PIGGY
    He’s the Teeth who runs the Teeth Empire! With the huge Vegas casinos and the majestic palaces in New York City! He’s a doctor…of love. His friends call him…Dr. Teeth!

    GIRLS
    Oooh!

    PIGGY
    He has 300 kids!

    GIRLS
    (Disappointment)
    Oh.

    PIGGY
    But, that’s OK. They’re all managers and presidents of his different areas of business.

    GIRLS
    Oooh!

    PIGGY
    He’s asked me something, something important. He wants me to move in with him.

    JANICE
    Oh, no! What a total bummer, man!

    GIRLS
    No, you can’t move out! What about our friendship! Please, Piggy. Oh, no! You can’t do this! (Ad. Libs.)

    CHICKENS
    (In protest) Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!

    PIGGY
    Listen please. Listen. (Shouting) SHUT UP!!! (There is total silence) He wants me to take one friend to work at his palace. And…oh…Janice, will you come with me?

    JANICE
    Well, I-

    PIGGY
    You’ll have a room and a nice new job…please.

    JANICE
    But I was gonna wash my hair and go for a-

    PIGGY
    (Angry) Do you wanna come with me or not!

    JANICE
    Oh, OK! Let’s go!

    Ext. MISS PIGGY’s house. CAMILLA, the other CHICKENS and the GIRLS are waving goodbye to PIGGY and JANICE who are dresses in their hats and coats.

    PIGGY
    Goodbye, Pepper. Goodbye, Puffy. Goodbye, Julie. Goodbye, Stacey. I’ll call you all.

    JANICE
    Goodbye, Jessie. Goodbye, Camilla. Goodbye, Elektra. Goodbye, Denise. I’ll call you. (They get into a cab and drive away.)

    Ext. Teeth House. The cab pulls up to the gates surrounding the large gold building. The gates open and the cab goes in.

    Int. Entrance Hall. Teeth House. It is a large and grand room with paintings, antiques and other expensive objects dotted around the room. There are workers and attendants running everywhere. A grand gold staircase is in the centre of the room. SCOOTER approaches PIGGY and JANICE.

    SCOOTER
    Hi, I’m Scooter. Dr. Teeth is expecting you. Let me show you girls around.

    MUSICAL NO. 2-I THINK I’M GONNA LIKE IT HERE.

    SCOOTER
    BOBO WILL PICK OUT ALL YOUR CLOTHES

    BOBO
    (Spoken. To Janice) GREEN IS HER BEST COLOUR, NO BLUE I THINK.

    SCOOTER
    YOUR BATH IS DRAWN BY ANNIE SUE.

    ANNIE SUE
    (Spoken. To Piggy) SOAP...NO, BUBBLES, I THINK.

    SCOOTER
    RIZZO COMES IN TO MAKE YOUR BED.

    RIZZO
    (Spoken. To Janice) THE SILK, NO THE SATIN SHEETS, I THINK.

    PIGGY
    I THINK I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE!

    SCOOTER
    THE SWIMMING POOL IS TO THE LEFT

    JANICE
    (Spoken) INSIDE THE HOUSE? OH BOY.

    SCOOTER
    THE TENNIS COURT IS IN THE REAR

    PIGGY
    (Spoken) I NEVER EVEN PICKED UP A RACKET.

    SCOOTER
    HAVE AN INSTRUCTOR HERE AT NOON

    JANICE
    I THINK I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE.

    SCOOTER
    WHEN YOU WAKE RING FOR DRAKE
    DRAKE WILL BRING YOUR TRAY
    WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH MRS.PUGH
    COMES AND TAKES IT AWAY.

    RIZZO
    NO NEED TO PICK UP ANY THINGS!

    PIGGY
    (Spoken) That's OK, I haven't got any anyway.

    SCOOTER
    NO FINGER WILL YOU LIFT MY DEAR

    ALL ATTENDANTS
    WE HAVE BUT ONE REQUEST
    PLEASE PUT US TO THE TEST

    PIGGY
    I KNOW I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE

    JANICE
    USED TO ROOM IN A TOMB
    WHERE I'D SIT AND FREEZE
    GET ME NOW, HOLY COW
    COULD SOMEONE PINCH ME PLEASE.

    SCOOTER
    WE'VE NEVER HAD A WOMAN PIG!

    ALL
    WE'VE NEVER HAD A WOMAN PIG.
    WE HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR WISH IS OUR COMMAND

    PIGGY & JANICE
    I KNOW I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE!

    SCOOTER
    That’s the spirit! Well done, girls. So shall I show you to your new apartments?

    JANICE
    Yeah, man! (To Piggy) Piggy, this is so totally cool! I can’t believe you’re going to be dating this guy!

    PIGGY
    Yes! (She runs around the entrance hall) Hooray! Yes! Hallelui-AAARRRGGGHHH! (She falls over in a wet patch of the marble floor. Kermit is standing over her with a janitor’s uniform on and a mop in his hand. Janice runs over to see what happens.)

    KERMIT
    Excuse me, but are you OK? (Piggy gets up. She is madly in love with Kermit)

    PIGGY
    Er…yes, I’ll live.

    KERMIT
    Oh, good. (He pulls Piggy up with his hand) I’m so sorry; I’ve made a terrible first impression.

    PIGGY
    Well, I always say first impressions are always the worst!

    KERMIT
    Listen, I feel really guilty about what just happened. Can I take you out for a drink, on me?

    PIGGY
    Yes, of course-

    JANICE
    Piggy, what about-

    PIGGY
    (Whispering) Shut it, Janice! (To Kermit) Of course, I’d love that.

    KERMIT
    OK, how’s Saturday?

    PIGGY
    Fine, I’m free.

    KERMIT
    OK, I’ll meet you here at 7 PM on Saturday.

    PIGGY
    It’s a date!

    KERMIT
    Yes, it’s a date, Miss..?

    PIGGY
    Piggy, Miss Piggy.

    KERMIT
    Miss Piggy, what a beautiful name.

    SCOOTER
    (Approaching) Ah, ladies. You seem to have met Kermit, our deputy janitor.

    PIGGY
    Yes, we’ve got to know each other.

    SCOOTER
    Well, to your new home! (Scooter and Janice leave)

    KERMIT
    Bye, Piggy. See you on Saturday.

    PIGGY
    Bye, Kermie! (She leaves. Rizzo approaches Kermit)

    RIZZO
    Hey, Kermit. I see you’ve met the chick.

    KERMIT
    She’s not a chicken, she’s a pig. I’ve got a date with that pig on Saturday night.

    RIZZO
    You what?

    KERMIT
    Miss Piggy and I have got a date for Saturday night.

    RIZZO
    You can’t! Do you realise who she is? Do you realise why she’s here?

    KERMIT
    Well…no.

    RIZZO
    She ain't just any old chick; she’s the boss’s chick!

    KERMIT
    OK, will you stop saying-she’s what?

    RIZZO
    That’s the new lady friend that Teeth's got living here.

    KERMIT
    Well, I thought he had a wife.

    RIZZO
    What gave you that idea?

    KERMIT
    He’s got 300 kids, what would you think?

    RIZZO
    Yeah, sure.

    KERMIT
    Oh, what am I gonna do, Rizzo?

    RIZZO
    Come on; let’s get back to our place.

    KERMIT
    Yeah. (They climb the gold staircase)

    Int. The boy’s apartment. This is a small room with 5 beds, 2 sofas, 1 television and a door that says “W.C.” on it. Fozzie, Pepe and Gonzo are sitting on a sofa, watching TV. Rizzo and Kermit enter through the front door.

    FOZZIE
    Hey, Kermit.

    GONZO
    Hello.

    PEPE
    Good evening, OK.

    KERMIT
    No, it’s been a crummy day!

    FOZZIE
    What happened?

    GONZO
    Did you get bit? (Everyone looks at Gonzo, there is a pause) What?

    KERMIT
    No, I got a date-

    PEPE
    That’s wonderful, OK.

    GONZO
    Oh, your date bit you! (Everyone looks at Gonzo again, there is another pause)

    KERMIT
    No, my date was-

    GONZO
    So, who got bit?

    KERMIT
    No one got bit! I’ve fallen in love with the girlfriend of Dr. Teeth! I’m going out with her on Saturday night. What am I going to do?

    GONZO
    Er…I don’t know.

    PEPE
    Hey, you don’t worry. She made a move on you first, OK.

    RIZZO
    Yeah, if she really loves Teeth, she’d have rejected you. As far as you are concerned, there’s no Dr. Teeth in the picture. Just act as if you don’t know she’s dating him.

    FOZZIE
    And don’t mention it to anyone, because we all know what happened to the last guy who was dating Teeth's lady friend.

    GONZO
    (Whispering) Fozzie!

    FOZZIE
    Can’t you remember Gonzo, when Dr. Teeth found out that his girlfriend was seeing the bell boy at his hotel in Atlantic City? Oh, he beat him, and he smacked him, and then threw him down the elevator shaft. It was terrib-(He realises what he’s done) but, that won’t happen to you Kermit…unless Teeth finds out. (Kermit sinks into a seat)

    Int. Piggy’s apartment. This is a grand room with white and gold walls. There is a luxury sofa, dining table and television set and many more other expensive items in the room. Piggy and Janice enter and dump their bags on the floor. They are amazed.

    PIGGY
    Holy cow!

    JANICE
    Man! This is it, for sure!

    PIGGY
    If my friends could see me now!

    JANICE
    We have arrived! Hooray! (They start hugging each other) The one thing I can’t understand is why you’re going out with that frog on Saturday.

    PIGGY
    Well you know what I’m like!

    MUSICAL NO. 3-I CAN’T SAY NO.

    PIGGY
    IT AIN'T SO MUCH A QUESTION OF NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO.
    I’VE KNOWN WHAT’S RIGHT AND WRONG SINCE I WAS TEN.
    I HEARD A LOT OF STORIES AND I RECKON THEY ARE TRUE
    ABOUT HOW GIRLS ARE PUT UPON BY MEN.
    I KNOW I MUSTN'T FALL INTO THE PIT,
    BUT WHEN I'M WITH A FELLER, I FORGET!
    I'M JUST A GIRL WHO CAN’T SAY NO,
    I'M IN A TERRIBLE FIX I ALWAYS SAY "COME ON, LET’S GO"
    JUST WHEN I OUGHT TO SAY NIX!
    WHEN A PERSON TRIES TO KISS A GIRL,
    I KNOW SHE OUGHT TO GIVE HIS FACE A SMACK.
    BUT AS SOON AS SOMEONE KISSES ME,
    I SOMEHOW, SORT OF, WANT TO KISS HIM BACK!
    I'M JUST A FOOL WHEN LIGHTS ARE LOW
    I CAN’T BE PRISSY AND QUAINT
    I AIN'T THE TYPE THAT CAN FAINT
    HOW CAN I BE WHAT I AIN'T?
    I CAN’T SAY NO!
    WHAT YOU GOING TO DO WHEN A FELLER GETS FLIRTY, AND STARTS TO TALK PURTY?
    WHAT YOU GOING TO DO?
    SUPPOSING' 'AT HE SAYS 'AT YOUR LIPS ARE LIKE CHERRIES, ER ROSES, ER BERRIES?
    WHAT YOU GOING TO DO?
    SUPPOSING AT HE SAYS THAT YOU'RE SWEETER THAN CREAM,
    AND HE'S GOT TO HAVE CREAM OR DIE?
    WHAT YOU GOING TO DO WHEN HE TALKS THAT WAY,
    SPIT IN HIS EYE?
    I'M JUST A GIRL WHO CAN’T SAY NO,
    CAN’T SEEM TO SAY IT AT ALL
    I HATE TO DISAPPOINT A BEAU
    WHEN HE IS PAYING' A CALL!
    FOR A WHILE I ACT REFINED AND COOL,
    A SITTING ON THE VELVETEEN SETTEE
    THEN I THINK OF THAT OLD GOLDEN RULE,
    AND DO FOR HIM WHAT HE WOULD DO FOR ME!
    I CAN’T RESIST A ROMEO
    IN A SOMBRERO AND CHAPS
    SOON AS I SIT ON THEIR LAPS
    SOMETHING' INSIDE OF ME SNAPS (She karate chops the sofa and it breaks in 2)
    I CAN’T SAY NO!

    JANICE
    So every time a guy asked you to dance in High School-

    PIGGY
    I said yes! There were gaping big holes in my disco shoes! (There is a knock at the door)

    ANIMAL
    (Voice) Room service!

    PIGGY
    Enter!!!

    ANIMAL
    (He enters and sees Miss Piggy) HOT WOMAN!!! (He drops his silver tray and jumps at Piggy, who pushes him off)

    PIGGY
    GET OUT, YOU **** ANIMAL!!! (He gets locked out. Janice looks at Piggy) Well, I have some standards!

    JANICE
    Oh, Piggy. (The phone rings. Piggy answers it)

    PIGGY
    (To phone) Hello…speaking…yeah…oh…OK…bye. (She puts the phone down) It’s Dr. Teeth, he wants to see me right away. Goodbye, Janice! (She leaves)

    Int. Dr. Teeth’s office. It is a dark room with a spotlight pointing to a desk with 4 chairs. The first chair is on one side and the others are on the other side. Dr. Teeth is sitting on the single chair)

    DR. TEETH
    NEXT!!!

    PIGGY
    (Running in) TEETH!!! Did you miss me?

    DR. TEETH
    Of course, Piggy! (Piggy starts kissing him all over) OK, OK! (She stops) How’s the room?

    PIGGY
    Oh, it’s wonderful! I have a coffee table, and 130 extra channels for my television, and a-

    DR. TEETH
    That’s great Piggy. So have you met any new people?

    PIGGY
    Yes, I’ve made friends with an amazing janitor called Kermit. He’s taking me out on Saturday night and-

    DR. TEETH
    HE WHAT???

    PIGGY
    Oh, it’s OK; we’re just going out as friends.

    DR. TEETH
    But after Saturday I don’t want you seeing this Kermit guy, or any of the other staff. It could cause all sort of problems.

    PIGGY
    But I just ha-

    DR. TEETH
    No buts!

    PIGGY
    OK.

    MUSICAL NO. 4-CHU-CHI FACE.

    DR. TEETH
    YOU’RE MY LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE
    MY COO-CHI, COO-CHI, WOO-CHI LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE
    EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU I SIGH

    PIGGY
    AND YOU’RE MY LITTLE TEDDY BEAR
    MY LOVEY LOVEY DOVEY LITTLE TEDDY BEAR
    YOU’RE THE APFEL STRUDEL OF MINE EYE
    YOUR CHU-CHI WOO-CHI NOSE
    YOUR CHU-CHI WOO-CHI EYES

    DR. TEETH
    THEY SET MY HEART A FLUTTER
    YOUR OOO-CHI COO-CHI WAYS
    YOUR OOO-CHI COO-CHI GAZE
    WILTS ME DOWN LIKE MELTING BUTTER
    YOU’RE MY LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE

    PIGGY
    AND YOU’RE MY TEDDY BEAR
    TOGETHER WE’RE A CHU-CHI WOO-CHI, OOO-CHI COO-CHI PAIR
    WHATEVER YOU MAY ASK BECOMES MY HAPPY TASK
    I ONLY LIVE TO SERVE YOU

    DR. TEETH
    I NEVER WILL DIVINE WHAT MAGIC MADE YOU MINE
    I ONLY KNOW I DON’T DESERVE YOU
    YOU’RE MY LITTLE CHU-CHI FACE

    PIGGY
    AND YOU’RE MY TEDDY BEAR
    TOGETHER WE’RE A CHU-CHI WOO-CHI, OOO-CHI COO-CHI
    CHU-CHI, WOO-CHI, OOO-CHI, COO-CHI PAIR
    CHU-CHI
    WOO-CHI
    OOO-CHI
    COO-CHI PAIR

    DR. TEETH
    You shall dine with me tonight in the grand hall.

    PIGGY
    Thanks, sweetie. Bye! (She leaves)

    DR. TEETH
    Sam!!! (Sam the Eagle comes in)

    SAM THE EAGLE
    Yes, sir.

    DR. TEETH
    Bring in Team XXX!

    SAM THE EAGLE
    Are you sure you want to-

    DR. TEETH
    Just do it!!!

    SAM THE EAGLE
    Yes, sir. (He leaves. A few moments later, 6 men in tuxedos and suitcases come in. They are Lew Zealand, Beaker, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Crazy Harry, Andy Pig and Randy Pig. They all place their cases on the desk.)

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    You called, Sir?

    DR. TEETH
    Yes, I want Kermit the Frog dead!

    RANDY
    No! You can’t kill Kermit. He’s the star of this movie! He’s the-

    DR. TEETH
    Randy!!!

    RANDY
    I’m sorry, Sir.

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    Well, we have been producing and inventing various little things over various weeks. First, a gadget for Lew Zealand here. We know he likes throwing fish, so we’ve invented him this. Beaker, open the case. (Beaker enters and opens one of the suitcases and produces a fish. Everyone holds their noses)

    ANDY
    How long as that been in there?

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    Approximately 3 months.

    BEAKER
    Approximately 3 months.

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    Lew simply throws the fish and…bang! (Andy picks it up)

    ANDY
    Look! (Putting on funny voice and playing with fish) My name is Felicity, and if I fall I go pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Po-

    DR. TEETH
    Andy!!!

    ANDY
    AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!! (He drops the fish on the desk. There is a huge explosion and the desk breaks up into a million pieces. The debris flies everywhere)

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    Oh, dear!

    CRAZY HARRY
    Crazy Harry likes explosions!!!

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    Sorry about that desk, Sir. Now, for Andy and Randy here we have this. (He picks up a bottle of “Sip Sip Bang Bang" cola) Here we have a bottle of soft drink, innocent to the eye and deadly to the taste. You simply sip and the drink will take your victim to a couple of hundred years of snoozing.

    RANDY
    Erm, Dr. Honeydew, what happens if we mix this bottle up with normal cola?

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    You can easily distinguish this bottle from others; this one has a large red cross over the bottle top. Now, we all know that Crazy Harry likes explosions, so here is something we’ve been testing out. (Beaker picks up a large model of a fly) Simply pull one of the wings and let her fly. In 15 seconds she will blow her top, quite literally!

    BEAKER
    Quite literally! Beep!

    DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW
    Yes, luckily we are targeting a frog, and frogs love flies. So that’s it what do you think, sir?

    DR. TEETH
    I think we need a little extra help. Sam! Bring in Agent Z!

    ALL
    Agent Z!

    Int. The boy’s apartment. The boys are all in their beds. Kermit is sitting up with his pyjamas on.

    FOZZIE
    Goodnight, Gonzo. Goodnight, Pepe. Goodnight, Kermit. Goodnight, Rizzo. Goodnight, Mary-Ellen. Goodnight, John Boy. Goodnight, Grandma. Goodnight, Grandpa. Goodnight, Marlon Brando, Goodnight, Jennifer Garner. (Kermit starts to sing)

    MUSICAL NO. 5-CASTLE ON A CLOUD.

    KERMIT
    THERE IS A CASTLE ON A CLOUD,
    I LIKE TO GO THERE IN MY SLEEP,
    AREN'T ANY FLOORS FOR ME TO SWEEP,
    NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD.
    THERE IS A ROOM THAT'S FULL OF TOYS,
    THERE ARE A HUNDRED BOYS AND GIRLS,
    NOBODY SHOUTS OR TALKS TOO LOUD,
    NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD.
    THERE IS A LADY ALL IN WHITE,
    HOLDS ME AND SINGS A LULLABY,
    SHE'S NICE TO SEE AND SHE'S SOFT TO TOUCH,
    SHE SAYS "KERMIT, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH."
    I KNOW A PLACE WHERE NO ONE'S LOST,
    I KNOW A PLACE WHERE NO ONE CRIES,
    CRYING AT ALL IS NOT ALLOWED,
    NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD. (We go into Kermit’s dream. He is in his room with his broom and mop)
    OH HELP! I THINK I HEAR THEM NOW,
    AND I'M NOWHERE NEAR FINISHED SWEEPING AND
    SCRUBBING AND POLISHING THE FLOOR.
    OH, IT'S HIM! IT'S MAD MAN! (Dr. Teeth enters)

    DR. TEETH
    NOW LOOK WHO'S HERE
    THE LITTLE FROG HERSELF!
    PRETENDING ONCE AGAIN HE'S BEEN SO AWFULLY GOOD,'
    BETTER NOT LET ME CATCH YOU SLACKING
    BETTER NOT CATCH MY EYE!
    TEN ROTTEN BUCKS YOUR MOTHER SENDS ME
    WHAT IS THAT GOING TO BUY?
    NOW TAKE THAT PAIL
    MY LITTLE ANIMAL!
    AND GO AND DRAW SOME WATER FROM THE WELL!
    WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE TAKEN YOU IN IN THE FIRST PLACE
    HOW STUPID THE THINGS THAT WE DO!
    LIKE FATHER LIKE SON, THE SCUM OF THE STREET.
    KERMIE, COME MY DEAR, KERMIE, LET ME SEE YOU
    YOU LOOK VERY WELL IN THAT NEW LITTLE BLUE HAT
    THERE'S SOME LITTLE FROGS WHO KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE
    AND THEY KNOW WHAT TO WEAR
    AND I'M SAYING THANK HEAVEN FOR THAT.
    STILL THERE KERMIT? (Kermit starts weeping)
    YOUR TEARS WILL DO YOU NO GOOD!
    I TOLD YOU FETCH SOME WATER FROM THE WELL IN THE WOOD!

    KERMIT
    PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME OUT ALONE
    NOT IN THE DARKNESS ON MY OWN!

    DR. TEETH
    ENOUGH OF THAT, OR I'LL FORGET TO BE NICE!
    YOU HEARD ME ASK FOR SOMETHING,
    AND I NEVER ASK TWICE! (Kermit wakes up quickly)

    FOZZIE
    Goodnight, Julie Andrews. Goodnight, George Bush. Goodnight, Angelina J-oh, hey Kermit. Have a bad dream?

    KERMIT
    Yeah, I did. Fozzie, do you think that if Dr. Teeth really does find out about Miss Piggy and I, he’ll come after me.

    FOZZIE
    No, of course not! Kermit, you have the best friends that even money can’t buy.

    KERMIT
    In know, but-

    FOZZIE
    Remember what I always say-you never walk alone!

    KERMIT
    I will, Fozzie.

    FOZZIE
    Good, you enjoy your date with Miss Piggy. If anyone asks, you’re just friends.

    KERMIT
    Hey, maybe Miss Piggy only wants to be friends. Maybe I took this the wrong way. Now I can sleep better! Thanks, Fozzie. (He relaxes in his bed)

    FOZZIE
    No problem! (He stars snoring)

    Int. Entrance Hall. Teeth House. It is fairly empty except from Kermit. He is standing at the bottom of the stairs. Miss Piggy starts to descend the stairs. She is wearing a glamorous dress and has done her hair especially. She looks wonderful. When she is 5 steps down, she falls over and tumbles down the stairs. She gets up next to Kermit.

    PIGGY
    Oh, er…sorry Kermit.

    KERMIT
    It’s OK, but you do seem a tad accident prone.

    PIGGY
    Yes, it comes from my mother’s side.

    KERMIT
    I see.

    PIGGY
    So, where are we going tonight?

    KERMIT
    There’s a new club open down the street called “The Golden Toothpick”. I thought we could go there. It’s the new Teeth club, so we may get a dollar off our bill.

    PIGGY
    Yeah. So, let’s go! (They leave)

    Int. Golden Toothpick Ballroom. This is a traditional ballroom with a bar on the side. There are couples milling around and dancing. Kermit and Miss Piggy enter.

    PIGGY
    It’s wonderful.

    KERMIT
    Yeah. (There is a long pause) Piggy, why didn’t you tell me about you and Dr. Teeth?

    PIGGY
    Erm…(pointing off camera) is that a ghost?

    KERMIT
    No, that’s a cardboard cut-out. Piggy I-

    PIGGY
    Oh, come on Kermie! Let’s dance and get to know each other.

    KERMIT
    OK. (The Electric Mayhem, minus Janice and Dr. Teeth and plus Rolf, start to play a song. Kermit and Piggy start to dance on the dance floor)

    MUSICAL NO. 6-GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

    PIGGY
    AS A PIGGY I'VE BEEN LEARNING,
    YOU'LL FORGIVE ME IF I BOAST,
    AND I'VE NOW BECOME AN EXPERT,
    ON THE SUBJECT I LIKE MOST.
    (Spoken) Getting to know you.
    (Sung) GETTING TO KNOW YOU,
    GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU.
    GETTING TO LIKE YOU,
    GETTING TO HOPE YOU LIKE ME.
    GETTING TO KNOW YOU,
    PUTTING IT MY WAY,
    BUT NICELY,
    YOU ARE PRECISELY,
    MY CUP OF TEA

    KERMIT
    GETTING TO KNOW YOU,
    GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU.
    GETTING TO LIKE YOU,
    GETTING TO HOPE YOU LIKE ME.
    GETTING TO KNOW YOU,
    PUTTING IT MY WAY,
    BUT NICELY,
    YOU ARE PRECISELY,

    PIGGY
    MY CUP OF TEA.

    KERMIT
    GETTING TO KNOW YOU,
    GETTING TO FEEL FREE AND EASY
    WHEN I AM WITH YOU,
    GETTING TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY
    HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED
    SUDDENLY I'M BRIGHT AND BREEZY?
    BECAUSE OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL AND NEW
    THINGS I'M LEARNING ABOUT YOU
    DAY BY DAY.

    PIGGY
    GETTING TO KNOW YOU,
    GETTING TO FEEL FREE AND EASY
    WHEN I AM WITH YOU,
    GETTING TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY
    HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED
    SUDDENLY I'M BRIGHT AND BREEZY?
    BECAUSE OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL AND NEW
    THINGS I'M LEARNING ABOUT YOU
    DAY…BY…DAY. (They stop dancing and stand by the bar)

    KERMIT
    Well, that dance was certainly nice.

    PIGGY
    Yes, it was. Kermie, the reason I didn’t mention Dr. Teeth is that I didn’t want you to worry about it.

    KERMIT
    Does Dr. Teeth know about us having a drink tonight?

    PIGGY
    Yes, we have spoken about the matter in hand.

    KERMIT
    And what does he think.

    PIGGY
    Er-do you like my new hairstyle.

    KERMIT
    Piggy, your hair is no different to the last time I saw it.

    PIGGY
    He, he, he! Kermit, you make me giggle. (Clifford, the bartender, approaches Kermit and Piggy)

    CLIFFORD
    Hey, frog! Do you wanna drink?

    KERMIT
    Yes, a glass of water-

    PIGGY
    Along with a round of your finest champagne! Put it on Dr. Teeth’s tab!

    CLIFFORD
    For sure! (Shouting) Grover! Pop open some of that cheap garbage from the van!

    GROVER
    (Behind bar) Will do! (A new song is played by the band. Annie-Sue is singing with Rowlf. Everyone starts to dance)

    MUSICAL NO. 7-WHO’S GOT THE PAIN?

    Annie-Sue
    UGH!
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY GO "UGH"?
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?
    I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU?

    ROWLF
    WHO NEEDS A PILL WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?
    WHO NEEDS A PILL WHEN THEY GO "UGH"?
    WHO NEEDS A PILL WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?
    I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU?

    CLIFFORD
    SOMEONE MUST BE SICK WITH THE HEAT?
    OR STEPPIN' IN EVERYONE'S FEET?

    PEPE
    BUT IF EVERYONE'S FEELIN' O.K.

    BILL FROG
    WHY DON'T THEY JUST SAY "OLAY"?

    ROWLF
    WHEN THE MUSIC CARRIES THEN AWAY! "UGH!"?

    ZIPPETY-ZAP
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?

    JOHNNY FIAMA
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY GO "UGH"?

    SAL
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?

    MUPPET NEWSMAN
    I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU?

    POPS
    IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

    GROVER
    IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

    LINK HOGTHROB
    IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
    POINT HIM OUT,

    JULIUS STRANGEPORK
    FOR THERE IS AN ELEMENT OF DOUBT-AS TO

    KERMIT
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?

    PIGGY
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY GO "UGH"?

    ALL
    WHO'S GOT THE PAIN WHEN THEY DO THE MAMBO?
    I DUNNO WHO-DO YOU?
    LeahXZoot4Evur likes this.
  2. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    O..........kay.

    I like it. It's a little strange, in that..um..how to put this delecatly. Teeth with 300 children? Kissing Teeth and planning a date with Kermit?

    Ok.....it's rather a dark movie, I guess. Not somethign the Muppets would really do, but I'm interested it seeing how it turns out.
  3. HPDJ

    HPDJ Member

    Thanks for your feedback, Beau.


Share This Page

Find out more about Jim Henson the Biography