Old Ernie, Bert and Maria street skit

[Censored]

Here's an old street skit with Ernie, Bert, and Maria that I haven't heard anyone mention here. Ernie and Bert were arguing over something and it got really heated. Ernie said that he was so mad that he was going to go out west and become a cowboy. Bert said that he was going to move to the arctic and study fish. So, Maria has them imagine what it would be like. The first two imaginary scenes show a lonely Ernie in a field with no one but a cow to keep him company. The next scene shows Bert bundled up in the arctic by an igloo with only a fish in a goldfish bowl to keep him company. The next imaginary scenes show them about 40 years later. Maria said that "Years and years will pass by" and Ernie is an old man with a white beard, still outside alone in a field, with only a cow. In the next scene, Bert is an old man with no hair out in the arctic with still only a fish to keep him company. After this scenario is presented by Maria, Ernie and Bert decide to make up. There's some kind of funny joke at the end as well. If I remember correctly, they were arguing over something like who the last cookie belonged to. At the end, Ernie meekly says that the cookie really is his. Bert calmly asks how he knows. Ernie says that he knows because he ate Bert's yesterday or something like. A very interesting "lost" skit.

 

[Dantecat]

What year was that skit?

 

[Censored]

What year was that skit?

Somewhere around 1975 or 1976. My initial reaction as a young child was fear when I saw Ernie grow old, so I changed the channel. When I saw it again about a week later, I decided to give it a chance and I really liked it.

 

[mikebennidict]

it was mentioned sometime ago. certainly was funny.

 

[mikebennidict]

oh wait a minute, i don't know where my head if but i thoughe Gee Bee you meant something else. sorry. Bert accuses Ernie taking his cookie and i'm pretty sure Bert was right.

 

[fuzzygobo]

creepy!

This was the most we've ever seen Bert and Ernie arguing with each other. Ernie does eat Bert's cookie, and Bert retaliates by poking Ernie.

Ernie: "Stop poking me, Bert!"
Bert: "POKE! POKE POKE! YOU COOKIE THIEF!!!"

Maria does a swell job of depicting their grim existences if Bert and Ernie go their separate ways. Ernie ends up moving out West with only a cow (or horse?) for companionship, and gets caught in the rain.

Bert fares even worse- shivering up at the North Pole, losing his hair, growing a beard (even the goldfish grew a beard!!!) I just felt so bad for both of them.

Much to our relief, they make up and go home. Maria sees relieved too. Phew!

 

[SesameMike]

Bert moved out

I, too, remember when Maria came up with the cowboy and eskimo scenarios for E and B. But there was another time that Bert himself moved out.

It was on the tail of the famed "It's time for our checker game" skit. You know how at the end of that sketch Bert marched out to the sound of snare drums? Immediately after that, Bert appeared on the street, saying to the adults that he'd had enough of Ernie. I believe two of his complaints were "stepping on my bottle caps (?)" and "losing my paper clips (* see below)". So the street scenes throughout the day showed Bert trying out other places to live, probably including Oscar's can and Big Bird's nest. But Bert can't seem to settle anywhere else, so he moves back in with Ernie. Upon his return, Ernie overwhelmed Bert with streamers and such to express how happy he was to have him return, though Bert seemed more annoyed by it than anything else.

(*) There was one oft-played E+B skit in which Ernie wants to see what Bert is like when he is mad. So Ernie asks Bert to act as if E, hypothetically of course, lost his favorite paper-clip collection down the sewer. Bert expresses his anger with a unique "mmrrrrrr-ehhhhh" sound. Ernie asks him to repeat the process a few times, until Bert says he feels too emotionally drained to do it anymore. At that point, Ernie confesses that he really did, in fact, lose the paper clips to a storm drain. Note that in the 2-part skit where Ernie "cleans out" his toybox (by essentially throwing its contents hither and thither, much to Bert's consternation), he himself had a paper-clip collection.

I only remember two episodes with bottle caps: the one where Bert excitedly shows the collection off to Ernie ("Are your hands clean"...."Figgy-Fizz"), and one where he shows it off to the adults near Mr. Hooper's store. In the latter, Bert is all bent out of shape because one bottle cap is missing, some fictitious brand of root beer I think. Mr. Hooper happily offers to replace that missing cap, seeing as he just purchased 144 bottles of that very same beverage. But Bert ended up saying something like "It's not worth it", suggesting that a replacement bottle cap just wouldn't be the same. (Why not? Was that a first edition or something?)

 

[Motown Mike]

I recall another sketch in which Bert moves out, leaving Ernie alone in the apartment. Ernie starts hearing scary noises (loud thumps, chains, etc.) and freaking out, when Bert returns to his great relief.

 

[hooperdusty]

Ernie puts away Bert's vase

That skit where Ernie imagines Bert throwing him out was because he imagined breaking his favorite vase.

The audio track to the skit appears on the album AT HOME WITH ERNIE AND BERT.

So far, my all-time favorite "Ernie's in trouble" clip is the one where he ate Bert's chocolate ice cream, and he actually mashes a banana with an ice cube and pours gravy on it to pretend it's chocolate ice cream (it's cold, mushy and brown, right?)

That's one of the all-time best as far as hilarity.

 

[ssetta]

Don't forget the one where Bert has 5 cookies on the plate, and Ernie takes a tiny bite out of one of the cookies, and notices that it is no longer round like the others. So then, he eats it more so that it is round, but then it's a lot smaller. So he eats the entire cookie, and realizes he's in trouble. And then he thinks to himself, "Maybe Bert won't remember how many he had." But then Bert comes in, and he says that he couldn't wait to eat his plate of 5 cookies. Ernie then says something like, "They're...Th..They're right there on that plate." Bert counts them, and notices there's only 4, and then Ernie's really in for it! Ernie starts placing the cookies a bunch of different ways, to see if he can get 5 cookies. Bert does explain to him that no matter how he places the cookies, there will still only be 4 cookies. And then Bert claims that "If there's one thing I don't want, it's 4 cookies." So then Ernie fixes it so that there are not 4 cookies anymore. He eats another cookie, and leaves Bert with only 3 cookies.