RIP Richard Whitely.

[HPDJ]

Richard Whitley, the person with the second highest screen-time in Britain, has died. He was famous for hosting "Countdown" and being the first ever person on Channel 4. TO RICHARD.

 

[Harvey Towers]

Second only to the test card girl!

My claim to fame (or one of them) is that I have been pushed (or rather parted) my Richard Whiteley at Wetherby Racecourse...

Here is a selection of Richard's best quotes and puns from the paper today:

"I don't normally do requests, unless I'm asked to."

"A man walks into the doctor's. He has a carrot hanging out of his mouth, a bit of cabbage up his nose and gravy all over his face. The doctor says: "I know what your problem is. You aren't eating properly."

"If a short fortune teller escaped from prison, would there be a small medium at large."

"Two men are dying of thirst in the dessert. They come across a stall. They ask for water. 'I'm sorry, we only sell jelly,' says the stall owner. The two men trudge on and see another stall. They again as for water. 'I'm sorry, we only sell hundreds and thousands.' The two men leave and one says to the other: 'Do you think this is a trife strange?' "

"Sixty nine and sixty nine, that's an interesting position. Let's see what happens next!"

"Do dance studios have waltz-to-waltz carpets?"

"Did the inventor of the doorknocker win the no-bell prize?"

"A scientist clones himself. The clone is very rude and cheeky, but the scientist is kind and gentle. One day the scientist shoves the clone off a building. He was swifty arrested by police for making an obscene clone fall."

On his OBE and Carol Vorderman's MBE: "She's got two consonants and a vowel, I've got two vowels and a consonant, but vowels are more useful"


Richard's autobiography entitled "Himoff!" is available.