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So We'll Go No More A-Roving, for Fear of Furry Monsters

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by newsmanfan, Sep 12, 2011.

  1. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hmm, didn't know Gina's eyes were gray. There was more I wanted to reply to in here, like some phrases, but I'm getting a stupid competing IP address message every few seconds so I'll make this short.

    BTW: Do you prefer to be brought in as Gina or as yourself for an appearance at the Bat, Bolt and Skull?
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Okay, so after a second reading, I've found a few things to comment on.

    "Comrades in terror", nice line.
    Was the whole bit with the bugs of all non-descript closing in on Bunsen and Beaker inspired by the similar sequence from Jaws? You know, when Roy Schieder and Richard Dreyfuss are in that bigger boat they say they'll need.
    "Here's the spice ta go with you, sugar!" That's a wonderfully wicked line.
    You know, I don't think that's the fake-out most TV cooking shows use, switching a dish's main ingredients like that. Usually, they just replace the dish that'll take a long time baking in an oven with another identical one already made the day/night before.
    Also, 4 and 20 Blackbird Pie's not that great a recipe. Sure, it looks appetizing to a hungry monster... But once you slice it open the birds just fly away like all get out leaving you with an empty doughy shell.
    "the hope firing in those pretty eyes of Gina's", I like this line, and like I said, didn't know hers were gray.
    Yay for Newsie in putting those semi-phenomenal cosmic powers of mass distraction to good use in turning not only Gina but all the other female captives back to their normal selves.
    And now they're going up the only exit they can find up to attempt a bold half-Muppet rescue.

    I'd say have fun storming the castle, but I have a feeling there'll be more than just a storm ruining the heck out of the ol' hotel by the time this fic's finished.
    Thanks and have a happy Halloween whatever you may be out there.
  3. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    ------------
    Thanks all!

    Yes, Gina has gray eyes; I know I mentioned that waaaaay back in "Love Reign O'er News," but perhaps I haven't been clear enough in my characters in a while, lazily assuming everyone recalls the details that *I* do...sheesh.

    Jaws? No no no! That, dear sir, was my homage to the best scene in "Aliens"! (If I was gonna do Jaws, I might've had Carl look at his cooking lesson and muse, "We're gonna need a bigger pie...") Yeah yeah I know how the TV chefs do it. But then the studio and at-home audience would catch the switcheroo, wouldn't they?

    This won't be done by tomorrow, regrettably...but certainly this week! I finally have a detailed outline for EVERYTHING that has to happen when worlds --er, Muppets and monsters -- collide, and worked on the text some today. More as I'm able.

    *staggering off into the red sunset* Braaaaaiiinnnsss...
    -----------
  4. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Cursed cable connection prevented me from coming online last night. *Pencils in an appearance by Gina, trusting Kris will say if she wants it changed after writing and posting which also won't be today.
    *Leaves some Halloween chocolates for the authoress.
    newsmanfan likes this.
  5. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    (Auth. Note: this finale is so froggin' big I have decided to post it serial-style! here's the first chunk...)

    Part Fifty-Three (I)

    Even from across the cobweb-filled ballroom, Gonzo spotted her gorgeous feathers, her ruby wattles, her sapphire eyes, and with a howl of “Camillaaaaa!” charged toward her. Startled monsters jumped out of the Whatever’s way as he barreled straight to his chickie-love. Camilla perked up, and when he threw his arms around her neck, she clucked in relief and wonder and nuzzled his fuzzy nose with her beak. “Ohhh, Camilla, Camilla, can you ever forgive me?” Gonzo cried, filled with shame at how blind he’d been for so long. “I never meant to push you aside! Don’t you know, all these life-risking things I do, I do for you?”

    The chicken scolded him gently; didn’t he realize he didn’t need to impress her? “Bawwwwk, bawk buh bawk,” she murmured, telling him she’d adored him even when he was a humble plumber and covered in septic back-up half the time. They kissed, and sighed, and their eyes closed in mutual affection and momentary bliss.

    Gonzo’s smile faded as he realized something odd. “Uh...sweetie...when did you get so tall?”

    On opening his eyes, he saw Camilla had not, in fact, grown a foot taller; she was suspended in some kind of thick, sticky webbing that far off the dusty floor. To her left, Scooter and Sara hung glumly, hopelessly entangled and not in a gushy-love-song kind of way; to Camilla’s right, Zoot dozed with his hat over his eyes, but the rest of the Mayhem alongside him were awake and unhappy about their cobwebbed status, which Dr Teeth had observed a short while ago was “even worse than being mothballed!” Gonzo’s eyes widened as his gaze swept over an entire wall and corner filled with muffled, tired Muppets swathed in gooey silk. “This isn’t good,” he muttered, slowly turning around to take in the rest of the ballroom.

    A few of the monsters recognizable from the Muppet Theatre, such as Big Mama and Behemoth, stood in a spread-out group across the room as if waiting for the music to begin and the dancers to choose their partners, but Gonzo suspected this would be no lindy-hop. Many, many more monsters filled the space, none of them looking particularly sympathetic to the Muppets’ plight. On a raised dais where a century ago a full-tux band would have played, a stout figure wrapped in tattered strips of cloth like a mummy began to chuckle, low and menacingly. He spread his hands and pulled an old-fashioned bandleader’s microphone toward him; his deep, chill voice echoed through the room over the PA system. “How lovely of you to finally join us, Gonzo...just in time for the biggest stunt of your life. A pity it will also be the last.”

    Rosie and Thatch McGurk halted just inside the doorway, realizing too late just how outnumbered this Charge of the Three-eyed Brigade was. The Underlord’s chuckle turned to a laugh, then a booming, maniacal roar of dark triumph. As one, every monster gathered in front of him took up the expression, and squeaky titters, snarling chortles, and huge bouncing belly laughs overwhelmed even the Underlord’s magnified mirth.

    Gonzo gave Camilla an apologetic, halfhearted grin. “...Oops...”

    Walter struggled Muppetfully but was only able to twist himself around far enough to see the Muppet next to him, which happened to be Kermit. “Uh, hey, Kermit,” the newest member of the troupe said, “I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, really...but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to be included in everything you guys did from now on.”

    “It isn’t my idea of a great show either,” the frog snapped. He tried to rock his whole body back and forth; the section of web he was snared in did have a little give to it, and with supreme effort he was able to swing himself close enough to Piggy to grab her hand. She clutched tightly, her big blue eyes moist at seeing her husband rendered so utterly helpless by a bug he normally would have simply put on buttered toast and grilled. Then again, those sorts of spiders generally weren’t as big. “Piggy, honey? You okay?”

    “I’m fine, Kermie...though this dress never will be again,” she growled back. “Are vous all right?”

    “I’ve had better nights,” he grumbled, irritation masking his deeper anxiety. Whatever this was, it didn’t seem to be a dress rehearsal. “Robin?”

    A tiny voice came from somewhere above and behind him in the web. “I’m okay, Uncle Kermit...but...why are all the monsters looking at us like we’re...we’re...”

    “Just hang on,” Kermit told him, cutting off the awful thought. “We’ll figure something out. Some of these guys work for us! Scooter! Can you think of any reason why Shakey, Boppity, or Beautiful Day would be involved in this?” he asked, seeing those individuals as well as several other Muppet Show irregulars standing in the crowd around the dance-hall dais.

    His right-hand Muppet replied, “Well, uh...you did naysay that free-donut fund last month, boss...”

    Kermit scrunched his face unhappily. “Because they would have eaten us out of theatre and home!”

    Scooter gulped. “I think that may be the case here, Chief...”

    Link Hogthrob snuffled quietly, tears soaking the webbing around his snout. “I d-don’t want to be a baconator!”

    Julius Strangepork sighed, hanging upside-down a foot away. “Don’t vurry, Link. You’re too fat to be bacon!”

    “Aw, thanks, Dr Strangepork, that really makes me feel...hey!” Link tried to check the fit of his girdle, but his arms were tied to his sides.

    “You’ll probably be sausage inshtead,” the smaller pig moped.

    The Swedish Chef protested loudly as a trio of Frackles played with his cleaver on the floor below him. “Heeyy...giffen dut book! Id un surrious tool en der keechun!” A pink-maned, vulturelike Frackle giggled as he mocked the Chef, scrunching his furry eyebrows low and waving the heavy knife over his head. The others laughed, hopping from foot to foot in their excitement; one of them came too close to the flailing cleaver, and suddenly a long beak went flying. The Frackles stared at that, then at one another, then cackled madly while the noseless one chased down his bouncing beak.

    Miss Piggy thought of all the action-heroine roles she’d played, from her Evel Knievel motorcycle jump in “The Great Muppet Caper” all the way to her last butt-kicking, no-prisoner-taking character in “Fozzie’s Angels.” “Those girls get out of this kind of thing all the time,” she muttered under her breath. “How hard can it be?” With a grunt, she renewed her struggles in earnest, though the webbing seemed more like airline cable than any silk she’d ever had a slinky gown made from.

    Kermit shook his head, holding tight to his wife’s gloved hand, sickened by the sight of her fighting so valiantly and remaining firmly ensnared anyway. “I guess the Newsman was right,” he said sadly. “I didn’t want to believe it...these guys have worked with us for years! Why would they do this?”

    Scooter stared across the room at the shrouded figure stroking an enormous white-furred caterpillar. “I guess they’re all too afraid of him.” Every monster present was clearly deferring to the mysterious individual, slinking low when they moved near the edge of the dais and casting anxious, if curious, looks his way.

    A snaggle-toothed, portly, green Frackle with dark hair stopped right below Scooter, making notes on a clipboard. “Twenty-four, twenty-five...uh...say...you are a Muppet, right?” he asked Sara.

    She glared back, fists clenched with no way to even swing them. “You bet I am, buster!”

    Realizing this might be a chance to spare at least one of their number from an unknown and probably awful fate, Scooter objected, “Sara, no!” He addressed the puzzled Frackle, “J G, this is my wife! She’s not one of the performers!”

    J G blinked at them. “Uh...okay...so...is she a Muppet or not? I mean, technically, the term ‘Muppet’ sort of applies to anyone connected to the theatre, doesn’t it, whether they’re onstage or not, right? I mean, you don’t usually perform!”

    “Well, I, er, sometimes –“

    “’Cause I know there’s the more generic term ‘Whatnot,’ of course,” the chatty Frackle continued, ignoring Scooter’s interruption. “And I’ve heard of ‘Anything Muppets,’ ha ha, hey, that’s like the song, sort of, isn’t it? ‘But now anything Muppets!’” he sang. Scooter and Sara stared at him. “So, uh, I guess the question here ultimately is, is your wife a Muppet or not? I mean, pretty much the only other category around here is ‘monster,’ and even though she has kind of a cute nose, I don’t think that really warrants inclusion in the...snooorrrkkk...”

    The Frackle’s head rocked back on his thick shoulders, and loud snoring came from his open mouth. Suddenly the slap of a sharp, thin tail across his bottom made him jump. “What is the count, you worthlessss cretin?” demanded a doglike reptilian creature.

    J G wiped a bit of drool from his lip, embarrassed. “Oh! Uh, heh heh, hi there, your flunkiness! Uh, just wrapping it up here; so with the two Carl’s serving up as pie, and that crazy veterinarian guy, we have twenty-f—“

    “No, you imbesssile!” Eustace snarled. “Van Neuter is only to be usssed assss backup in cassse ssssomeone isss misssing!” He cocked a wary eye up at a defiant Sara. “Who issss thiss? Ssshe doesssn’t look very Muppety to me.”

    “She’s not,” Scooter yelled.

    “Yes I am!” Sara yelled, unwilling to be separated from her beloved, no matter what the consequences here. She exchanged a frustrated look with Scooter.

    J G tapped the doglizard hesitantly on the arm. “Uh, I think she’s a, um, a Whatnot. That still counts, right?”

    “Yesssss...” Eustace muttered, still uncertain about the girl with the too-smooth felt. “Sssshe ssseemss a bit...tall...”

    “Oh! Well, uh, some of them are; I mean heck, that Van Neutral guy is like head and shoulders over most of us, heh heh, well not figuratively of course, I mean, you know, you’re the boss’s right-hand monster and all so obviously he wouldn’t be above you, that’s sort of just a figure of...skkkkaaarrrrkkk...”

    Disgusted with the narcoleptic Frackle, Eustace raised a taloned paw to knock some sense into the creature if such a thing was at all possible, but a sharp word from across the room stopped him cold. “Eustace. Report.”

    The doglizard scrambled back to the master’s feet, wondering as he gazed upon the thick, well-wrapped limbs what the Underlord really looked like; if he had to appear before them so concealed even now, how truly terrible must his twisted countenance be? With a shiver, Eustace said, “We are almossst at quota, your hideoussssnesss! The daredevil fool makessss thirty, and if the reporter hasss been apprehended, he ssshall make...”

    A commotion from the entrance drew everyone’s attention. There in the doorway stood a yellow-felted Muppet with a large straight nose, a deep scowl behind his impressive glasses, and a knapsack upraised in his arms; beside him, with her hand protectively on his shoulder, stood a tall young woman with dirt-spattered dark red hair and a fierce gleam in her eyes. Several monsters took a minute to even notice the knapsack, preoccupied with the amount of leg the frilly dress on the girl revealed. Eustace grinned. “Thirty-one, my liege!”

    The Newsman saw he had their attention, and shouted, “All of you stop right there! In this bag, I have several sticks of nitroglycerin, and they’re not very stable!”

    The monsters looked at one another. “Don’t be absurd,” rumbled the Underlord, flicking a hand at the reporter. “He’s bluffing. Take him.”

    A few of the crowd moved toward Newsie, but he raised the bag higher. “I found the explosives in Gonzo’s cell! Ask him if I’m bluffing!”

    All eyes turned to the unfettered but surrounded Great Gonzo. He blinked slowly. “Oh, um, yeah...I did, um, sort of appropriate some old blasting stuff I found in one of the tunnels...” Hundreds of worried eyes stared at him. Defensively, Gonzo added, “Well, it wasn’t like anyone else was gonna use it to completely demolish this hotel to the music of Edvard Grieg!”

    “I will!” Newsie barked out, his voice rough, his legs trembling. “So all of you, cut those Muppets loose right now, or you’re all going to wind up as little pieces of fur!”

    “He should know,” Rowlf reflected. “Happened to him more than once...”

    Anxiously, the monsters shuffled from foot to foot, looking at one another, at the captured souls in the web, and at the Underlord. A sneer spread across that broad, bandaged face. “You fools! He wouldn’t blow up his precious friends! It’s a trick; grab him!”

    Two of the Mutations and Timmy from the Green Lagoon lurched at the Newsman and Gina. Quickly Newsie thrust his hand into the knapsack and tossed something at the monsters; several of the others yelped and covered their faces. Beaker meeped in alarm and even Kermit cringed. Newsie watched in momentary satisfaction as the marbles he’d thrown rolled under broad furry feet, and the suddenly-slipping monsters flew to the side. One of the Mutations bowled over Boppity Frackle as he went down.

    “We’re not kidding,” Gina called over the rumbling of a hundred or so startled monsters. “Now set them free!”

    Two of the giant millipedes clicked their mandibles at the Underlord, ready to launch themselves at the threatening little Muppet, but their master held up a hand to stay them, frowning. “Oh good,” Walter sighed. “So, it’ll all work out fine, just like in your movies, right?” he asked Kermit.

    Piggy shook her head. “Keep in mind this is Newsgeek we’re talking about...it might not have occurred to him that the rest of us are not fond of disaster falling on us!”

    “He wouldn’t want his girlfriend hurt,” Kermit said, feeling a surge of hope. Two of the monsters approached the web, uncertainly looking up at the eager Muppets. They hesitated, checking the Underlord’s expression, though it was hard to make out much beneath the loosely-wound shroud.

    “It would seem we are at an impasse,” the Underlord said, still showing his meaty palm at the monsters; the message clear: hold. “I do not have time to bargain with you, little Muppet. I’ll tell you what. Leave...and you should have a few seconds’ head start.”

    “Not without my friends!” Newsie declared. He felt Gina squeeze his shoulder, and stood up taller, his pointed nose held high. “I’ll say this one more time, and only one more time: let them go, or we’re all going out of here in a lot of little pieces! As much as that’ll hurt, it’s better than allowing you to open a doorway to the forces of darkness!”

    “I think our journalistically-inclined brother may be lacking some diplomatic trainage,” Dr Teeth murmured low.

    “Yeah, where’s the hostage negotiator already?” Floyd complained.

    “Hos-tage?” Animal asked, puzzled.

    Struck with an idea, Rowlf urged the drummer, “Hey Animal! Remember the Mallory Gallery?”

    “Mal-or-y?” Animal’s brows shot up. “Ah ha ha ha! Wo-man!”

    “Uh...right. Maybe later,” Rowlf said. “Animal, remember how you ate through the gate bars?”

    “Dude, that was just a movie set,” Floyd objected, but Rowlf shook his head impatiently.

    “Animal, pretend the web is cotton candy, okay?”

    The drummer looked at Rowlf a moment blankly, then looked at the white, fluffy-looking strands surrounding him. He brightened, grinning. “Ahhh! Cot-ton can-dy! Ahm nom nom nom!” With a gusto that would have done Cookie Monster proud, the drummer attacked the strands with his mouth.

    “Like, he’s rully gonna have to brush his teeth tonight,” Janice sighed.

    Dr Teeth shook his head in amazement at the vigor Animal displayed, ripping and gulping mouthfuls of the sticky stuff in earnest as though it really was the fairground treat. “If this is indeed a gastronomical rescue, I’ll brush them incisors shiny my own self!”

    Kermit wished he had teeth. With the standoff between the Newsman and the monster boss uncertain in its outcome, chewing their way out seemed as likely a plan as anything.


    -------
    “I think we can go now,” Constanza hissed.

    “I’m kind of liking this whole hiding-out-and-not-being-found-and-eaten thing,” Snookie argued quietly. The two of them were scrunched under a low bunk bed in a barracks room. Heavy paws and skittering feet outside in the corridor seemed to have gone their way none the wiser to the fugitives, and the only sound now was a television set tuned to Carl’s show, but Snookie wasn’t willing to risk this newfound freedom.

    “I get that, but could you stop whimpering? It’s really unattractive,” the feisty activist girl complained. Snookie turned his gaze back to her, confused and a little offended.

    “I’m not whimpering,” he said.

    As their eyes met, both of them heard a soft, low moan. Looking around in surprise, they saw a large monster crumpled under another bunk, shivering, paws over his eyes. Bits of orange hair littered the floor around him. “What’s with him?” Constanza wondered.

    “I didn’t think that last musical guest was that bad,” Snookie said. “Granted, I really doubt the world actually needed yet another parody of ‘Thriller,’ especially as warbled by a giant slug, but—“

    “Whatever,” Constanza sighed. She frowned at the TV. “Hey – what’s with the Muppets in spiderweb city?”

    “Yet another recast of ‘Spidermonster, the Musical’?”

    “Are you ever serious?”

    A witty retort was right on his tongue, but then Snookie saw the genuine annoyance in that pretty blue face, and stopped. “I can be,” he said softly. They gazed at one another a long moment. When Snookie leaned toward her for a kiss, she met him halfway. He smiled at her when they gently parted, and was pleased to see the brash girl actually turn purple in a blush. Suddenly he heard a voice he thought he recognized. He looked back up at the TV and froze. “Hey! That...that’s my cousin! What the flying fungus is he doing?”

    Constanza, curious, peered from under the bed. “Uh...getting himself killed?”

    They both stared at the yellow Muppet threatening the shrouded figure whom Snookie assumed must be this Underlord everyone kept talking about. “Well, that guy doesn’t look all that impressive, unless he’s really Val Kilmer and invisible under the toilet-papering.”

    “But those guys will gobble him up like a Cornish game Muppet,” Constanza pointed out. “He’s your cousin? For reals?”

    “I think so,” Snookie mused. “He said he was Florabeth’s son. I don’t really know much about her; she was sort of the black sheep of the family, married some sailor boy in a wartime romance, left the folds of the family cheese business...”

    Constanza looked askance at him. “Family cheese business?”

    Snookie sighed, rolling his eyes. “Wisconsin, okay? One of the many reasons why I went into show biz instead.”

    On the TV, the short yellow guy tossed marbles at the monsters trying to rush him, sending them sprawling. Snookie gulped and then snickered, but Constanza grabbed his arm. “Snookie...they’re gonna kill him! Him and his girlfriend, and all the rest of those poor Muppets! How can you just lay here and watch this!”

    “Look, I don’t know him at all, really,” Snookie argued, every ounce of self-preservation instinct already on overdrive. “He just came down here to...to find me...” He fell silent, thinking about that. This guy didn’t know you from Sam and his friends, and he said he’s been looking for you for months. And now he’s up there with all those creeps where he doesn’t stand a chance of walking out alive... His throat felt dry, his stomach twisted in a knot worse than the time Carl made him into a salted soft pretzel. He looked at Constanza. And here’s this brave little chick, who risked her own felt trying to get you out of the pie-tin of doom. She glared challengingly at him.

    “Well?” she demanded. “Do you intend to just hide here all night? How deep does that yellow go, anyway?”

    Snookie scowled at her. “Look, I’m no coward, but don’t you see how many monsters are up there? Except for Carl’s audience, and this guy,” he indicated the cringing, traumatized ogre, “that would be, let’s see, one, two, oh all of them! We set foot anywhere near there, and we won’t even get the courtesy of being baked before being sliced and diced, kid!”

    Constanza’s face turned dark. “I’m not a kid!” She withdrew from him a little under the bunk. “I thought you were so stoic...so heroic for withstanding all they did to you...guess I was wrong about you.”

    Chagrined, Snookie looked from her to the Muppetian standoff on the screen. “No, I...I mean it wasn’t ever like...oh...” He blew out a frustrated, guilty breath. “Oh...cripes.”

    She stared at him. “Cripes?”

    He gave her a wry frown. “It’s a Wisconsin thing. What it means right now is...we’re gonna have to go barge in there and give him a distraction, aren’t we?”

    A slow grin spread on her sharp face. “We’ll be Butch and Sundance.”

    Snookie shuddered. “I didn’t know you were old enough to have seen that movie.”

    “Come on,” she ordered, crawling out from under the bed. “This’ll be epic!”

    Remembering a term he’d heard some of the goblins use while taking pictures of the unlucky contestants on several of the shows he hosted, Snookie muttered, “Yeah...an epic fail...” With a sigh, and not a little admiration of the energy and courage his new girlfriend was displaying, he went after her. A thought hit him on the way out the door. “I have a girlfriend,” he muttered aloud, wonderstruck. Before he could fall fully into a mental count of how many years it had been since his playboy, frat-house days, Constanza stopped, turned on a dime, and grabbed his cheeks in her soft hands. Startled, Snookie froze, then melted into her kiss.

    She pushed him away with a low laugh. “And if you wanna keep her, move your foam,” she said. “Just think! We’re gonna stand up to these bullies on live TV! What a coup for Muppet rights!”

    “Sounds more like right-to-die to me,” Snookie grumbled, but with a strangely light heart for a man heading for his doom, he fell in step with her. Together, hand in hand, they raced along the empty corridor.


    -----------
    Captain Slurg hissed at the Underlord, “Want me to get that dynamite bag away from the interloper, your magnificence?”

    The grim figure on the dais paced in a tight circle. “It seems we must. This is exceedingly distressing, Slurg. Had you neutralized this fool when I ordered you to...”

    Stung, the piranha-faced thing growled. “It was not my fault! We did retrieve his floozy!”

    “Which is now a moot point,” the Underlord growled back. His pet caterpillar bared her little fangs at Slurg to echo the master’s disapproval. “If you wish a higher place than dung-shoveler in our new regime, do something about this nuisance!”

    “Burt!” Slurg ordered, startling the wolflike creature which had been watching events unfold from the back of the crowd. “Stop him!”

    Newsie clung tight to the knapsack, feeling his knees trying to buckle, desperately staying upright though the sight of so many monsters glaring at him made him want to flee. If he hadn’t taken so many of those anti-monsterphobia pills, he had no doubt that right now he’d be grabbing Gina’s hand and running for dear life. Or possibly fainting. Gina leaned over to whisper in his ear, “What now?”

    “I’m just a reporter!” he muttered back. “I have no idea! On the cop shows, this is usually the point at which the bad guys give up...or...”

    “Graaaaahhh!” yelled Big Mama, impatient with all of it. She lunged forward. Newsie dodged, Gina threw her arms under his and lifted him backwards, and the angry monster nearly smacked into a wall.

    “Or when things go badly wrong!” Newsie finished, trying his best to keep the knapsack over his head as though he was going to hurl it down any second. He didn’t think such a bluff would buy him enough time to free everyone; they looked badly stuck in that webbing, and all he had left in the bag was a coil of rope, which wouldn’t scare anybody! Suddenly two huge brown paws grabbed the bag away from him. Newsie yelped and jumped, but couldn’t retrieve it. Gina whirled, instinctively shoving Newsie out of the way, but stopped in shock when she saw a big-mouthed, kangaroo-eared monster three times the size of the grumpy-jawed Big Mama.

    Even Bigger Mama growled at Newsie and Gina, then flipped the knapsack over and shook it out.

    With a collective gasp, every single monster flinched, expecting an explosion.

    The rope fell onto the Newsman’s upturned nose, almost knocking off his glasses. When another second passed and everyone realized the bag was empty, a heavy sigh went around the ballroom. The Underlord began to chuckle, building up to another hard, mean laugh. Slurg darted forward, grabbed the rope, and snarled at Even Bigger, “Hold them!”

    With a weighty scowl, the monster put a paw apiece on Newsie’s and Gina’s shoulders, pressing down. Newsie cried out in pain, and Gina made a sound of protest, but neither could free themselves from the massive grip of the beast. The scattered chortles and growls of triumph were overwhelmed by a bellow over the speakers hung around the room. “Enough of this foolishness! It is time, my hideous brethren!”

    Every eye turned to the dais. The Underlord reached down to an ornate box his trembling doglizard held up for him, and plucked out a large syringe. “The hour is upon us, my children! Tonight, we shall be hidden and skulking in the shadows no longer...we shall surge into the streets, and teach those simpering surface-dwellers what it really means to be scared of the dark! Night evermore shall make this city our playground, our hunting-ground!”

    Murmurs of approval swept the room. Gina tried to reach her Newsie, but the enormous monster kept her pinned in place while the ugly, toothy thing used Newsie’s rope to bind him hand and foot. Newsie yelled, “You’re traitors, all of you! The Muppets have only ever been kind to you, and this is how you repay them? They let you act onstage! They let you eat them for a few cheap laughs! And now you’re going to kill them just because this nutjob wants you to?”

    “Slurg,” the Underlord said, almost mildly, not looking up as he jabbed himself in the arm with the needle. Newsie couldn’t tell if it hurt at all; the bandages covered too much of the figure’s face to see any expression.

    Slurg grimaced at Newsie, and wrapped one loop of the rope so that it went over Newsie’s nose and lodged in his mouth. The fiend yanked it tight, and Newsie gave a grunt of pain, and then couldn’t say anything at all. Gina struggled more, but the monster behind her put her other paw down, and she was held firmly where she stood. Newsie blinked up at her, his eyes watering, and Gina suddenly wanted her claws back.

    Newsie looked over at his friends, similarly bound in layers of horrible spider-silk. He actually felt sympathy for Rizzo and Pepe for once, as he saw the two of them trying unsuccessfully to wriggle away from a huge orange-furred spider hovering over them with a knife and fork in two of its prickly feet and a checkered bib around its thick neck. Scooter, Sara, Kermit, Piggy...oh no, even little Robin! And...and isn’t that Mr Bland? Or Blander? One of them, anyway...looks like every Muppet they could catch is trapped in here...wait. Not Chester?And where’s Rhonda? He squinted at the trussed Muppets. No, they’re not here...are they saving them for something else? Was Rhonda...eaten? He noticed that walrus was flopped in a corner, tethered by a skein of silk around his tail, looking dazed and ill and covered in what might be castor oil. Maybe...maybe Chester got away! This made him think of Murrow. He looked back at Gina, a glimmer of hope sparking in his chest. If only the inspector can bring the National Guard down here...maybe he’s on his way right now...maybe any second...

    “It is time for all of you – for the entire world – to see what happens when those simpering fools vilify someone, when they call him a monster so often he vows to prove them right!” the Underlord bellowed. He shuddered, staggering, and the assembly fell back a step, every eye wide, every jaw slack, as ripples and disturbing undulations rocked the Underlord. “Eustace!” he gasped, flinging his arms wide, “Unveil me!”

    Shaking, the doglizard crept forward, and began snipping and tugging loose the ragged shroud concealing the master’s form. “All eyes! All eyes on me!” the Underlord snarled, and the camerafrackles who’d been hanging back unobtrusively now pushed their instruments forward, terrified, intent on the transformation making their master even more frightening than usual.

    Even Bigger Mama stood transfixed. Gina managed to edge closer to her love, and put her hand on Newsie’s shoulder; he leaned against her, thinking, Oh frog...at least we’ll go down together...

    The shroud dropped to the floor.
    --------
    Ruahnna and The Count like this.
  6. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    :confused:

    :eek:

    And then what!? For the lord of all darkness, what happens next!??????
  7. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    ----------
    *Evil Emperor impression, stroking fingertips together*

    Soooon...soooooon...

    ----------
  8. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Things I liked...

    Gonzo and Camilla's reunion.

    Piggy's action heroine roles, including a nice nod to Fozzie's Angels.

    Animal devouring the silk, er, cotton candy.
    "Looks like we'll have to eat our way out of this."
    And with gusto that would make :insatiable: proud.

    "This guy didn’t know you from Sam and his friends."
    Nice, nice reference.
    Also... <3 Snookie and Constanza.
    Yes o swift-witted one, you now have a girlfriend. So go and keep her.

    Where is Rhonda anyway? Last I remember, she and Bubba were being menaced with meeting Mortimer who's standing guard outside the hotel.

    BTW: The fic's almost over, and it's a moote point at this point, but so you know the monster's name is "Mean Mamma". And I like we finally met Even "Meaner?" Mamma.

    Don't worry Newsie. They may have taken away your bluff. They may have you trussed up in ropes similar to the rest of the Muppets. They may even force you to witness that Underlord's metamorphosis. But remember, you've got an ace up your sleeve, your trump card so to spook in the form of that redhead girlfriend of yours and the mutually convergent transformative phenomenal energy events you're able to cause when your volitile elements are combined or in close proximity to one another.
    :confused: Oh my, that sounds positively scientific!
    :eek: shakes his head in disbelief.

    More please.
    Ruahnna and newsmanfan like this.
  9. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    Part Fifty-Three (II)

    Every television set in the underground complex seemed to have been deliberately left on; while this was by no means an uncommon thing, the utter emptiness of the halls and studios and cells unnerved Snookie deeply. In room after room as they navigated the corridors, he could hear, and sometimes see, a screen blaring out monstrous laughter and the cold, imperious tones of the Underlord, with no other sign of life save a few of the slow-moving glowworms. They found the tunnel just ahead collapsed, a mass of granite rocks and gray dust. Constanza made a sound of irritation, but Snookie pointed to a door next to the cave-in. “These studios usually have a front and a back exit,” he told her. He pulled the door open, and they found a studio dressed to look like a plush bedroom, although the satin comforter was rumpled askew, lamps had crashed to the shag carpet, and a privacy screen knocked over. Snookie paused, bemused. “Oh man...please don’t tell me the monsters have started shooting that kind of direct-to-video release...”

    “Snookie...who the heck is that guy?” Constanza asked, pointing to a TV switched on in a corner. A writhing, shuddering figure onstage was being unraveled from a cocoon of long rags; as they watched, transfixed, the last of the wrappings fell away. A large, excessively plump man with pale skin and no hair grabbed his pulsing head and groaned. The monsters gathered around let out a collective gasp of fear and drew away as though a wave had hit them.

    Snookie stared hard. Holy crap, looks like a cave grub suddenly put in the spotlight...why does he seem familiar? Then the man raised his crumpled face to the camera, his pug nose, round cheeks, and protruding forehead almost meeting in the center as he scowled and roared in pain. Snookie caught his breath, stunned. “That – that’s – Rupert Q. Pattypan!” He was amazed almost as much by his memory of the creep’s name as by his sudden reappearance under these circumstances.

    Constanza stared at the individual on the dais, wrinkling her lip at the folds of fat bouncing over the jockey shorts. “He really needs a detox regimen... Should I know this guy? Is he a famous beef industry spokesman or something?”

    Snookie shook his head. “No...he’s nobody...he...he was the night watchman at WOOP...local UHF station, went under years ago. ‘Swift Wits’ was syndicated on it for a while, after KMUP stopped broadcasting and before MMN bought the rights... Yeesh. What the hey is he doing down here?”

    Constanza grimaced. “Not getting nearly enough sun, apparently.”

    They stood in stunned silence a few seconds longer. On the screen, the rotund man with undulating body parts grabbed a microphone in one clawlike hand, and in between hoarse gasps, began a defiantly triumphant rant. “Now, friends and fiends, now you shall witness what happens when someone is regarded as a freak, a loser, a monster by people far more shallow, insipid, and unimaginative! Tonight, when darkness sweeps over your city, and you realize the monsters have finally come for you, oh yes, that we are finally on Maple Street – then you shall finally understand the hate you yourselves have fostered! I was nobody to you! Well now I am more than somebody – I am your ultimate nightmare! I am the terror that crawls in the night! For years you mocked me, you ‘pretty’ people, you morons obsessed with your reality TV and your double-shot lattes and your disgustingly cheerful Muppet celebrities!”

    Constanza shivered, but tried to deflect her anxiety with a joke the way her newfound Romeo did. “I wouldn’t call you disgustingly cheerful,” she told him, putting more sarcasm in her voice than she felt currently. “More like aggressively mocking. Carl’s food is more disgusting.”

    “Believe me, I only wish I was famous enough to be included in his little psycho-rant,” Snookie muttered.

    “So this...Squash guy...isn’t targeting you?”

    “Pattypan. And I don’t think it makes much of a difference to him how famous I am now,” Snookie said, unable to stop a shiver. “I’m still a Muppet.”

    Constanza felt a surge of pride for him. Yes. And All Muppets ought to stick together! Fight the power! “We need to get up there and fast! Where’s that being filmed?”

    “I...I’m not sure.” Snookie frowned. “I see windows...aboveground?”

    “Zey are in ze hotel upstairs,” came a strange chorus. “Help...us...”

    The frightened Whatnots whirled, and saw a truly scary sight: a gelatinous mass in a corner of the fake bedroom, a bedraggled pirate’s hat atop it, legs sticking out at odd angles, and an unhappy rippling coursing all through it. Snookie shuddered, putting one arm in front of Constanza, although rationally he knew his neglected, weakened foam wouldn’t protect her from a raging blob. He saw a gasping snout sticking out of the mass. “Pew?” he demanded, horrified.

    “Oui...eet is ah,” a liquidy voice came from deep within the blob. Constanza saw the blob and the director speaking in unison, and hid her face behind Snookie’s shoulder. “Help us, mon ami!”

    “You forced me to host that awful daredevil show!” Snookie snapped, backing away slowly. “We are notamis’!”

    “Ohhh please, just pull us apart,” the blob moaned, though Pew’s jaws moved in time with the words. “I can’t stand French food!”

    The enmeshed creatures reached pleadingly toward Snookie. Overwhelmed, he grabbed Constanza’s hand and ran for the opposite door.


    -------
    In the ballroom, the gathered monsters stared in awe and terror as Rupert Q. Pattypan, a nobody no more, spat and trembled in the throes of an awful transformation. “None of you saw my greatness! I was mocked by the world of men, and when I demanded my rightful place among the Muppet monsters, I was told I was not monstery enough!” the Underlord roared.

    Shaken, Kermit looked at Scooter. “Did we ever see this guy before?” He realized the initial vetting of new talent, during the height of their television show’s popularity, had been farmed out to Jim and Frank and some of those guys who helped out around the theatre; could one of them have rejected this crazed man and started him on this tunnel to ruin?

    Scooter shook his head. “I think I would’ve remembered him!”

    Hearing part of this, the Underlord pointed a shaking paw of a hand at them. “Lies! Lies! I didn’t even get an audition! You sent back my résume with a curt note about not having any use for people pretending to be monsters!” A surge washed through him, and he wavered, grabbing the mic stand for balance. Eustace stared in a mix of disgust and fascination: his lord and master was a mere human? How...atrocious! The Underlord kept gesturing at the trapped Muppets against the far wall. “Well am I monstrous enough for you now? Hey? Am I?”

    “Look, I don’t know what all this is about, but if you wanted to be on our show, why didn’t you just audition as yourself?” Kermit shouted. “Why claim to be a monster?”

    “I am on the inside!” the Underlord howled, starting to scratch at his chest in a disturbingly violent manner. Sara shut her eyes; Scooter tried again to reach her, to comfort her, angry at the web strands which held him fast.

    “Oh I can’t look,” Fozzie moaned, turning his face into his suspended arm, on the verge of crying. “Make him stop! Someone!”

    Newsie pressed against Gina, both of them powerless to stop the crazytrain barreling down on everyone now. Her free hand clung tightly to his shoulder, and he wished he could tell her one last time how much he loved her, how much she meant to him, but the rope in his mouth prevented more than a gurgle. She held him as close as she could, still imprisoned herself by Even Bigger Mama’s enormous claws, and whispered fiercely, “I love you, Aloysius! I’ll always love you, no matter what!” Newsie felt tears welling up afresh, and turned his head, needing whatever contact he could still manage with her. The floor quivered underfoot, and dust shook down from the ceiling. Newsie wondered in dismay whether his and Gina’s grief would bring down the building on their heads before this horrible event could come to its bloody conclusion, or whether even the strange and unpredictable power they seemed to share would be too weak to prevent the rise of the worst monster of them all.

    “Ahhhh!” the Underlord howled, bent double by a streak of pain. “I’m changing! I’m Ascending!” Eustace noticed the huge dusty clock on the wall poised at ten-thirty, the seconds marking off like a death-march. “The moment is now! Kill them, my pets! Kill the Muppets! Open the portal and send their souls to endless darkness! Give me power unbridled, power incarnate, power to destroy all that has held us down and kept us from our destiny! Kill them now!”

    Several of the monsters, moved more by fear than by any sense of the moral rightness of the Monster Race, lined up opposite the entrapped Muppets, wielding axes, blowtorches, or their own fearsome claws and teeth. They exchanged nervous glances. Kermit squeezed Piggy’s hand tight; she closed her eyes, trying one last time to force her way free. Robin gulped back a sob. “I love you guys,” Kermit croaked, “All of you!” Camilla clucked and swooned; Gonzo clutched her to his chest, staring in horror at the figure on the dais, who seemed to be expanding as though an air pump had been turned on in his already-huge belly. Rizzo and Pepe shivered uncontrollably as the furry orange spider raised them within an inch of its drooling jaws, and hugged one another.

    “So long, pal,” Rizzo gulped.

    “Jou are not so bad, for a rat,” Pepe admitted.

    Rizzo drew back, affronted. “Really? We’re about to be chewed into little pieces by the Arachnid of Doom here and you gotta put a qualifier on dat? Really?”

    The ballooning, twisting, changing underlord roared in a voice now more rough and monstrous than any creature’s in the room, “Kill them all!”

    “STOOOOOP!” came an answering howl; the monsters cringed. Two of the smaller Frackles fainted, unable to process so much emotional strain. Startled, the Muppets and monsters all looked toward the ballroom doorway. There, with lightning flashing overhead, loomed a shadowy figure: it seemed to have multiple arms and writhing hair. Then the wriggling things detached from the shoulders of the caped figure, sliding and hopping into the room as a menacing, dramatic individual advanced behind them, arms upraised. “Cease this foolishness at once!” Uncle Deadly ordered in his most threatening tone; his voice carried through the room like a tidal wave, and he was pleased all his diction lessons at Oxford had not been wasted.

    “Stop! Awww! Stop stop stop! Yip! Yip yip yip yip yip uh-huh!” cried a raggedy pink thing.

    “Mmmnn, stoooop! Yip yip yip stop!” echoed a raggedy blue thing.

    Newsie’s eyes were as wide as they could get. They’re on our side? But...but...didn’t they hurt Ethel?

    Scooter blew out a breath of relief. “I think that’s the first time I’ve been glad to see him interrupt an act,” he muttered.

    The malevolent monsters froze, their attention centered on the vengeful ghost as he stalked into the room, sweeping his cape down behind him and glaring around with angry green pinpricks of eyes. Wherever that gaze passed, a monster winced and looked away. “If any of you are so depraved as to harm even one of this motley troupe of players, I shall personally see to it they haunt you for the rest of your miserable lives!” Deadly promised, his hollow voice echoing in the suddenly-still room. “I shall see to it that every one of the murdered souls becomes a ghost every bit as powerful and dangerous as me, and don’t think I won’t do it! Death and I are like this!” He crossed his fingers, and the monsters all gasped, groaned, or flinched.

    The pink tentacled thing paused in its agitated gyrations, tapping the ghost on one tap-heeled boot. “Uh...aww...how?”

    Deadly shrugged. “Well, we have poker night every Tuesday. The old sod is terrible at five-card stud. You should see the tab he’s run up; he owes me big-time.”

    “Deadly, get us out of here!” Kermit called.

    The dragon huffed. “What does it look as though I’m doing?” He glared around the room again. “You have all apparently forgotten the second-most important rule about the undead – the first of which, of course, is ‘Never get involved in a ghost war in Chinatown,’ but no less important is this: Never underestimate the power of a Phantom when the Muppets are down and Death himself is on the line!’” He pulled a cell phone from his vest pocket. “I have him on speed dial, fools! Don’t make me use it!”

    Steve the giant spider groaned deeply, dropped Rizzo and Pepe, and swooned; he’d always had nightmares about ghosts. The other monsters hesitated.

    The clock ticked over: ten thirty-two.

    “Imbeciles!” a deafening roar startled everyone. The Underlord stretched himself upright, his head now just below the high ceiling, and snarled at all of them, “Fools! Wretches! I see none of you are worthy of the supreme monster regime! None of you can call yourselves members of the Glorious Monster Race! I am more monstrous than all of you put together!”

    “Looks bigger than ‘em all put together,” Rowlf observed unhappily.

    The trembling Frackles and cowering goblins and assorted fiends, ogres, bugbears and bedbugs all looked at one another. Several of them lowered their weapons and began backing away, the order to kill the Muppets superseded by utter terror at the warped, twisted form of their still-changing master. “You will all perish!” the bulbous, wormy thing roared, even as what had been his arms drew in close to his pale thick body and what had been legs stretched and hardened. Newsie had a vision of a gigantic bug unfolding from a pupa casing, and cringed against Gina; she held his shoulder so tightly she could feel the foam scrunched against his bones, but neither of them made a sound, too shocked. The ballroom rumbled, the walls shaking. Deadly cast a look around, surprised and concerned. “All of you will be my first feast, in this, my utmost glory of monsterdom! I will show you all what a real monster looks like!” the warped voice howled. Smaller monsters began to rip down the ancient shutters over the ballroom windows, desperate to get away before they could be eaten or crushed, whichever came first.

    “Rahhhh ha ha ha ha ha!” yelled an unexpected voice. Jaws dropped all over the room as Animal thumped to the floor, freed of the not-quite-cotton-candy. He stared at the nearest monster, the unfortunate J G. “Can-dy!” roared the manic drummer, and tackled the ponderous Frackle. A cheer erupted from the Mayhem members.

    “Ack! No, wait, wait, I think you have me confused with someone else,” J G protested, trying to block the blows even as tufts of green fur scattered to the four winds. “I have a cousin named Candy, but she’s much shorter, and we really don’t sound that much alike even though my brother Mike says...snoorrrrkkk...” As Animal paused, bewildered by the monster’s sudden sleep attack, Walter cried out.

    “Looook!”

    All eyes shot to the dais. With a final shudder, the Underlord finished his transformation. He looked around wildly, flapped his stumps of arms, and opened his beak.

    “BAWWWWWWK!”

    Rosie McGurk stared. He turned to his brother. “Wagga happa?”

    Thatch thought of serums and ingredient substitutions, and suddenly turned a deeper shade of purple and had something else to look at, over there, on the floor perhaps...

    Gonzo’s jaw slowly dropped until you could have run a rhino into his mouth. “Oh...my...goodnesss! Look at those legs! Look at that chest!”

    The Underlord had become a twelve-foot-tall, completely featherless...

    The blue Martian blinked. “Awwaww. Chick-en.”

    Camilla came to her senses woozily, conscious of a great hubbub around her, of the room shaking, of the web bouncing crazily. She blinked and managed to focus. There stood the biggest naked chicken she’d ever seen, and Gonzo...

    Wanda twisted herself closer to Walter and thrust her hand over the dazed kid’s eyes. “Don’t look!”

    Gonzo was looking.

    Camilla suddenly gained a burst of strength, of energy, and of absolute jealous rage.

    “Buh-gawk bawk buh BAWK!” she shrieked, and with a mighty flap of her wings, burst free of the web and launched herself right at the startled face of the interloper. Her sharp little beak hit home several times in quick succession like semi-automatic chickenfire, and the Underchicken flinched and cackled unhappily, but then the featherless freak recovered enough sense to bat her out of the air with a meaty, pimply-skinned wing. Camilla clucked in alarm and scooted to one side before an enormous taloned foot stomped down.

    Uncle Deadly huffed and puffed and finally tossed his whiskers in the air in contempt. “Now this is just silly! Evil tyrants deserving of a grand speech, I will always be glad to confront...but a...a giant...escapee from a rotisserie?” He snorted and drew his cloak around him. “This is just silly, and I, master thespian, do not do silly!” He glared once more at the giant poultry, and vanished.

    Newsie tried to shake his head, convinced he was dead or dreaming. Gina gasped, unsure whether to laugh or scream. When the giant chicken lurched closer, Even Bigger Mama decided she didn’t want to be stepped on either, and stumbled backward, abruptly freeing Gina. Gina cried out, knocked off-balance, but before she could hit the floor, her Newsman wrenched his body under hers, bracing her. Their eyes met, and another tremor rocked the room, spoiling a lunge the Underchicken was making at Camilla. Gina grabbed the rope and began tugging the knots loose with frantic fingers.

    Gonzo shook himself, trying not to watch, then worrying about his sweetie and watching. “Camilla! Look out for the beak! –Oh, holy poultry, what a beak!”

    Eustace stumbled away from the reeling, wildly thrashing chickens, his expression echoing the disgust Deadly had displayed. “This is madness!” he growled, and jumped at a voice right behind him; he’d strayed too near the web.

    “No, man,” Floyd Pepper wheezed, grinning although strands of web decorated his hat. “This...is...poultry!”

    Eustace hissed, pulling away from the Muppet who’d been so careless as to actually talk to him, raising his tail to teach the insolent creature a lesson – but then the room shook again, as much from the enormous feet of the Underchicken stomping as from the bewildered anxiety coming from the Newsman. A chunk of plaster fell from the ceiling on the doglizard’s head, and he coughed, decided he’d be better off making a break for the tunnels, and fled – but the doorway collapsed atop him. With a collective squeal, most of the giant bugs skittered up the walls, finding any crevice they could to escape, all focused on fleeing back underground.

    “Animal! Up here, man!” Floyd yelled. Animal looked up at him, and when Floyd gestured with his free hand at the wobbly webbing, Animal’s eyes widened in comprehension. He jumped up, biting the silk strands starting to fray, and hung on by his powerful jaws, doing his best to chew through. Seeing this, the two raggedy creatures climbed tentacle-over-eyestalk up into the spiderweb, their wide mouths closing over sections of webbing and chewing for all their worth.

    “Ahhhh nom nom nom!” Animal gargled, his arms and legs dangling free as he flopped by his teeth like a hooked bass fish.

    “Nom. Nom nom. Yip yip yip nom.”

    “Awww nom nom nom,” mumbled Blue. He paused, suddenly aware he had something other than spider-silk in his mouth; shrimp and monster stared at one another a second. Then Blue spat Pepe to the floor. “Aww. Cat. Unh-uh. Nooope nope nope.”

    “Like, should I be insulted already or what, okay?” Pepe grumbled, trying to pluck stray strands of stickiness off what had been a pair of designer crab leather pants.

    “Who cares? Me next! Me next!” yelled Rizzo.

    Camilla fluttered and dodged, clucked and weaved, as the enraged giant plucked chicken tried time and again to stomp, to peck, and to bat at her with featherless wings. “Get ‘em, sweetie!” Gonzo yelled, exhilarated. Oh my frog I must be dreaming, this is JUST like that one fantasy where... oh geez... “No prisoners!” he crowed, waving his arms in ecstasy.

    Gina finally freed Newsie of the binding rope. He gasped deeply, and threw his arms around her. She hugged him tightly in return, but then the floor trembled so violently she nearly fell to her knees. “Everybody out!” Gina shouted, hoping they could hear her over the tumult of angry chickens. “There’s going to be another psychokinetic energy event! Everyone abandon ship!”

    Fozzie staggered over to them, out of the way of the chickenfight, grabbing Gina’s arm when another rumble rocked the floor, then giving her an apologetic wince. “But we’re not on a ship!”

    “Abandon hotel, then!” Newsie yelled hoarsely.

    Timmy, the Thing from the Green Lagoon, had been secretly relieved when that dragon had distracted everyone past the killing moment, but now he feared for his tail. Remembering the explosion he’d sent the still-absent Lunchy after belowground, he saw those scientist guys struggling with the web nearby, and grabbed a saw-nosed beetle to cut them free. “Hey, uh...I saw a crack in the foundation...is the chickenfight gonna wreck this place?” he asked them.

    Beaker leaned away from the ponderous amphibian monster; he’d seen it cough up that poor walrus earlier! But Bunsen dusted his lab coat off gratefully, and adjusted his spectacles. “No, what we’re experiencing is the result of two naturally-occurring psychokinetic fields converging in a dangerous and potentially reality-warping overlap of concurrent frequencies!” he explained.

    “Meemurrent meemencies,” Beaker agreed, casting a nervous look at the rattling ceiling boards.

    Timmy gave them a blank look. “So...uh...is the hotel gonna hold up?”

    Bunsen considered it while a bevy of boards narrowly missed both him and Beaker, crashing down between them. “Well, I might have projected a ten per cent chance that the building itself would survive the coming quake, had its foundation not already sustained damage, but with that information in hand, I would have to revise that estimate to –“

    “Meee!” shrieked Beaker, as one of the wall sconces fell on him.

    “Slim to none!” Bunsen finished, alarmed. He put an anxious hand to his mouth, regarding his downed assistant. “...Beaker?”

    “Oh my god,” Gonzo whimpered, awed at the sheer magnificence of one gracefully flapping chicken and one stupendous plucked one tangled in the primordial dance of sheer avian fury. “Somebody bring me some popcorn...”

    -----------
    Snookie grabbed Constanza’s arm. “Wait!”

    She tugged at him, irritated. “But those steps go up! That’s gotta be the way out!”

    “I see lights moving around down that tunnel,” Snookie pointed out. “Might be a patrol! We need to find cover!”

    Constanza yanked on the knob of a red door opposite the brick-lined side tunnel. “It’s locked! We’ll just have to run for it!” She tugged twice more just to make sure the door wasn’t simply stuck from all the mildewy dampness down here, and suddenly it flew open. She and Snookie froze, staring at the tall opossum in a shredded lab coat glaring at them from ill-fitting safety goggles.

    “What? What? Can’t you see I’m busy?” the creature cried.

    Snookie knew that voice. “Dah...Doctor Van Neuter?”

    The thing cringed, then hurriedly waved his hands in a shooing motion. “No! Never heard of him! Nope! Nosiree! Now go away!” SLAM.

    Constanza began giggling. “Seriously?”

    Snookie recovered first, pulling her toward the slippery-looking steps. “Come on! If we’re lucky they’re slugs and we can outrun—“

    “Hey you! Hold it right there! DEA!”

    “Oh frog no,” Snookie moaned. “Okay, look, guys, this isn’t what it looks like; we were trying to join the party upstairs and—“

    Constanza frowned. “DEA?”

    The bobbing lights and footstep noises emerged from the tunnel. A group of men in bulletproof vests with flashlights and pesticide sprayers came to a halt at the foot of the stairs. One of them raised his riot mask to peer uncertainly at the shorter Muppets. “These them?”

    A purple Whatnot bellied his way to the front of the line to scowl at Snookie and Constanza. “Nahh...these two are victims! Take ‘em for decon.” Two of the men grabbed the arms of the Muppets, over Constanza’s loud protests, but then a growing rumble made everyone pause. Special Inspector Murrow frowned. “Hold your position; that sounds like...”

    Lights lifted to the stairs to illuminate a rushing flood of bugs.

    “Aaaaaah!” Snookie shrieked, throwing his arms over his head; Constanza ducked behind one of the guys with the riot gear. The skittering, squealing tidal wave of insects both tiny and gigantic slammed into the Health Department-FDA-DEA joint task force operatives, and suddenly the Muppets coughed and hacked as gallons of insecticide was sprayed into the tunnel from panicked agents. Murrow yelled at them to stop, citing regulations about enclosed areas and toxic gases, and finally the agents turned off their sprayers and took stock of the situation.

    Snookie coughed, waving his hands, and stepped over a caterpillar fallen at his feet. It seemed to be white and furry, and as he hesitantly examined it, it hiccuped. Startled, he jerked away. The caterpillar lolled, rubbed his foot, and began purring...and hiccuping. Both quite loudly.

    Constanza glared around at the dazed bugs all flopping, trying to crawl and failing, or laying on their hard backs waving their multiple legs and giggling. “Oh, wonderful. You made them all drunk.”

    Murrow’s brow furrowed even as his eyes widened. “I...I didn’t expect that!”

    “Come on,” the veteran activist said, brushing the water from her eyes; it wasn’t the first time she’d been onion-gassed. “The Muppets are still in trouble! They need us!”

    What sounded like industrial demolition pounded upstairs, and dust sifted from the ceiling. Nervous flashlights trained in that direction showed tiny cracks spreading rapidly. “Nobody told me we needed a civil engineer as well!” Murrow muttered darkly. “I don’t have the forms for that! We’ll have to go back!”

    One of the agents stepped over to him, ripping his mask off to argue. “The seek-and-destroy part of this operation is under my command, and we need to find and neutralize all of the genetically-altered insects before they spread through the city and cause millions of dollars of damage to the infrastructure!”

    “You wouldn’t even know about the mass of violations down here if it hadn’t been for me!” Murrow snapped.

    Snookie shook his head, gesturing at the stairs. “Uh, guys? Big Uggy still up there somewhere? Muppets in danger? Anyone?”

    “Your role was provisional – you’re just here to make sure procedure is followed!”

    “And part of that procedure is seeing to it that all necessary forms have been filed! This building is unstable and clearly we need an engineer, or at the very least a city building inspector, to—“

    Seeing this was going to take a while, Snookie agreed with Constanza, and the two of them crept up the stairs while the territorial dispute continued. He took her hand, assisting her over the slippery parts; he’d had a lot of experience with navigating slippery things...such as monster digestive tracts. Constanza met his eyes, and gave him a smile. It was fierce and determined and possibly a little onion-gas drunk, and right then Snookie knew he was in love again. And for more than a week this time. Feeling far more joyous than this mission called for, he clambered up the stone steps toward a new destiny.
    ------------
  10. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    OMG! So much WIN!

    First, I almost expected the guy to be a Muppet, so to be a man...whoa!

    Gonzo. Oh. My. God. Gonzo. I could just see this in my head - Gonzo standing there, watching what literally constitutes to his version of free live porn. I was just waiting for the others to scream at him to cut them lose, while he's just catatonic.

    *shakes head* Just can't get over Gonzo. OMG, laughed so hard...
    Fragglemuppet and newsmanfan like this.
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    You've got such a dirty mind on you Gina. Then again, with all you've written for the little weirdo, I shouldn't be surprised that part of the fic would give you a fit of the giggles like the onion gas did to the bugs.
    Was that the Underlord's white caterpillar who purred and hiccupped?

    Other things I liked...
    1 Yes, the monsters really are on Maple Street.
    And the hatred you've fostered, nice quotes from the classic Twilight Zone episode.

    2 The terror that crawls in the night.
    Channeling your Darkwing Duck scribe?
    Wouldn't put it past you since there was the nod to Count Duckula some pages ago I don't remember now what it was though.

    3 Tunnel of ruin.
    Lovely image.

    4 Crazy train.
    All aboooooaaaard! ! !

    5 Hmm, I'm not familiar with those additional rules my roomie mentioned. But I'm glad I'm not the only one whose thought of Deadly attending poker nights with Death and some of the guys like the Devil mentioned when he met up with his angel baby.

    6 The Underlord's metamorphosis, in the inflating reminded me of the villainous King Koo-Koo from the Raggedy Ann & Andy movie.
    Yes, I've watched waaaay too many things on TV in my lifetime, and my mind's like Hogwarts' Room of Requirement—at least the version of it where Rowina Ravenclaw's diadem was stashed.

    Absolutely love how Uncle D stormed in and caused the monsters to back down.
    Glad that the Martians took up after Animal once the drummer broke through on to the other side.
    And a 'claws up' to Timmy for going to free the scientists.
    Trust burocratic types to get into a territorial war over who's in charge and proper form filing procedure.

    But now we know who the Underlord is... My previous guesses as to his identity have been blown out of the water. My initial theory had him as Cosmo Scam from The Great Santa Claus Switch. But you added elements of Mayor Richard Wilkins III from Buffy's third season. And now the final outcome, thanks to Thatch McGerk is a twelve-foot tall plucked purple-spotted winged chicken engaged in battle with :cluck:

    Thank you so much for this. More please.
    newsmanfan likes this.
  12. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    -----------
    Working on it...thanks guys!

    What? ED? You DIDN'T get my "Princess Bride" reference? Tsk tsk tsk.

    ---------------
  13. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    Part Fifty-Three (III)

    Most of the Muppets were free now or on the verge of being so. Most of the monsters were simply trying to get out of the way, paws over their cringing heads, eyestalks, or fragile horns as the case might be. Camilla seemed to be tiring, her stylishly clipped wings not meant for sustained flights, and the monster chicken was clucking and slamming its beak into the floor, the now-crumbling walls, and at whatever fell in its way in its furious efforts to impale the more nimble white-feathered hen. Gina waved at them all. “Hey! Everybody out!”

    “This is a Muppet News Flash!” Newsie shouted, trying to get their attention as well. “Studies show that collapsing buildings are the only effective trap for monster chicken things!”

    But only the Muppets closest to them heard. Walter tried to look around, alarmed, but Wanda wasn’t letting go of his face, doing her best to preserve his innocence. “What...what’s going on? I can’t see!”

    All of them hit the floor a moment as the Underchicken swiped a meaty wing right where their heads had been. “Aaah, did I ever tell ya da one about da evil dictator crossing da road?”

    Rowlf helped an unsteady Chef to his feet; the Chef’s hat had been flattened although he himself seemed all right. “Fozzie, I don’t think this is really the time or the—“

    “He was trying to get to da underside! Aaaaaah!”

    Rizzo tugged on Gonzo’s sleeve. “Hey, buddy, good ta see ya again. I was beginnin’ ta worry you’d gone Hollywood and forgotten your old pals.”

    Too distracted to really notice the rat, Gonzo mumbled, “Yeah, extra butter would be great, thanks...and can I have some gummi spiders melted over it?”

    Affronted, Rizzo smacked the Whatever’s shoulder. “Earth to Gonzo! Are you gonna sit there and watch your chickie battling the Swedish Film Chicken or are ya gonna help her?”

    “Noog un Svedish chickie!” the Chef objected.

    Gonzo blinked. “Oh, hey, Rizzo. When did you get here?”

    “Unbelievable,” Rizzo groaned.

    “Jou really has to stop stealing my lines, amigo.”

    The Newsman stumbled and staggered on the rumbling floor over to his friends, clutching Gina’s arm tightly so he didn’t fall and flatten his nose. “Is everyone all right?” Nods and voices all replied affirmatively, but Newsie looked among them in vain for a yellow game-show host or a blonde rat. “Has anyone seen Chester or Rhonda?” he shouted over the crash of another of the ballroom’s web-choked chandeliers.

    Gonzo came out of his trance, Rizzo’s words finally making their way to his dazed brain. “Camilla! Camilla, look out!”

    The hen spared him an annoyed glance, too busy dodging the enraged giant Underchicken to cluck at him. She pecked at one enormous toe, and the Underchicken roared a window-shaking cackle of pain and then stomped. Camilla sidestepped and aimed for the other foot – and then a blue arm was around her waist, yanking her back. Camilla clucked, startled and frightened, and the sharp beak slammed into the floorboards right where she’d been standing so hard it stuck. As the Underchicken tried to wrench itself free, Camilla turned her head up to see the bulbous, concerned, wonderfully expressive eyes of her beloved weirdo. “Bawwwwk?” she asked, not trusting the hope welling up in her feathery breast.

    “If you think I’m gonna let you put yourself in half the danger I enjoy,” Gonzo said roughly, “you’re dead wrong!” He tossed her aside and aimed a kick at the Underchicken’s wattles. “Hiiii-yah!”

    The other Muppets stared. “Decent form,” Scooter murmured respectfully.

    Miss Piggy shook her head. “He exhaled too soon. Not enough force.”

    Honeydew noticed Gina. “Aha! Well, it’s good to see this psychokinetic trauma is not, in fact, the result of one of my assistant’s inventions failing yet again! What happened to your portable field blocker generator device?”

    Beaker rolled his eyes and sighed.

    “Let’s just get out of here before the whole place caves in!” Newsie urged.

    “Every monster for himself!” howled Beautiful Day, scrabbling at the boarded-over windows.

    “And that’s the attitude that got us all into this mess in the first place!” J G scolded him. “Now, see, if we’d started that Monster Benevolent Union last year like Hubert suggested, we’d have been able to counter the Underlord’s demands with an offer of our own, and under the collective bargaining agreement which I co-authored with Shakey, we never would have...snnnnnkkktt...”

    “Speakin’ of counters, where’s Lunchy?” wondered Behemoth.

    “There’s no way out! We’re all d-d-doomed!” Shakey cried. He grabbed a startled Kermit by the collar. “Help us!”

    The Underchicken pulled its beak free of the floor finally and oriented on Gonzo, waiting bravely in a toreador’s stance. “Aaaaaarrrribaaaa!” he yelled, flourishing a red tattered curtain in front of the speechless poultry...and suddenly he wasn’t standing alone. Rosie McGurk brandished a snapped curtain rod. His big brother Thatch stepped up with a nail-studded broken board. And two raggedy tentacled things scooched in from either side, charged antennae bristling.

    The Underchicken looked quickly at them all. Its eyes narrowed. A violent scream of sheer defiance came from its wobbly throat, and it lunged at Gonzo. With a whoosh of the curtain like a cape, Gonzo swung out of the way, laughing, and Rosie stuck the curtainrod into the plucked right wing. The Underchicken whirled, clucking in rage.

    “Now that’s an angry bird,” Floyd said. Zoot nodded.

    Rowlf scratched his head. “Where’d they get the little bullfighting hats?”

    Kermit glared at the tiny monster hanging onto him until Piggy detached it distastefully from his collar. “You guys went along with this weirdness and didn’t even bother warning the rest of us and now you want help?”

    Behemoth, Beautiful Day, Big Mama, the Mutations, Timmy, and numerous other Muppet Show occasional cast members crowded around the knot of Muppets huddled by the windows, as far away as they could get from the weird fight going on by the dais. The monsters all nodded and pleaded and some even groveled. “We didn’t want to! He was scary! Help us!”

    Newsie winced as a chunk of ceiling tumbled down, missing Gonzo by a feather’s-breadth. “How do we get out of here? This isn’t the way I wanted to die!”

    Gina hugged him, worried as well. “What if we both focus on...on an exit appearing? Try a News Flash!”

    Newsie grimaced. “I think the cameraguy got taken out by a naked-chicken foot. Apparently it doesn’t work without an actual broadcast.”

    Gina shook her head. “I love you, Newsie, but I am never ever going to understand Muppet logic...”

    The Underchicken took a swipe at Thatch, missed and gouged the wall where the old dumbwaiter shaft had served as an escape back to the tunnels for several bugs. The cord holding the rickety old mechanism snapped, and a wooden box for running champagne up to the ballroom plummeted a hundred feet; faintly the muffled screams of a dozen smushed pillbugs and centipedes floated up. “Ha ha hahhh!” Gonzo crowed, swooping and flapping his makeshift cape at the charging poultry. Off to one side, Camilla fanned herself with a wing, breathless and awed; she’d never found bullfighting sexy before...

    Kermit yelled at Newsie, “Well do something! I don’t think this place has much left!”

    Beaker suggested, “Meemee moo mo mo meep mo?”

    “Excellent idea, Beakie!” Bunsen agreed.

    Newsie and Gina gave the scientists a blank look. Hurriedly Bunsen paraphrased, “Perhaps if the two of you concentrated on getting these windows opened, and the larger monsters jumped down first to help the rest of us, the issue of a usable exit might be precipitated!”

    “Mee mee mippy-mippy,” Beaker reminded him.

    Bunsen blushed. “I was getting to that...ahem...” He couldn’t quite meet Newsie’s and Gina’s gazes. “Our previous calculations strongly suggest that the process would be greatly enhanced, and the chances of success improved by approximately thirty-seven-point-two-four percent, if the two of you also...erm...”

    Gina looked at Newsie. “Windows,” she said.

    Confused, he muttered, “I thought you liked Mac better?”

    With a tolerant shake of her head, she crouched by her Muppet love, grabbed his fuzzy felted cheeks in both hands, and pulled him hard into a passionate kiss. Understanding hit right after shock, and Newsie shut his eyes, kissing back just as fervently, and thinking Open the windows, open the windows!

    “Come on, is that all you got?” Gonzo taunted, sidestepping another lunge. Thatch smacked the giant chicken with his board across the beak, and it swung its head angrily, tossing the startled monster into a wall. Rosie yelped and barely rolled out of the way of a claw-swipe.

    Pepe stared. “I do not think making fun of the Colonel Sandy reject is un bueno idea.”

    Rizzo gulped agreement. “More power to ya, buddy...”

    The whole room shook crazily. Monsters lost their footing and tumbled into Muppets; Muppets pinwheeled for balance and grabbed hold of huge furry monsters. Everyone, it seemed, was holding onto everyone else except the crazy chickenfighters. With a crunch and the deafening roar of falling bricks, the wall of windows looking out onto Doyers Street fell; shocked, Kermit had just enough time to realize it was the entire wall of the hotel before the floor tilted and he grabbed Robin and Piggy and went sliding out. Bodies furry and felted, scaled and horned and clad in tee-shirts, all tumbled in a mass exodus. Cries and screams and the crazed laughter of a Whatever were buried under the sounds of terrible destruction.

    Coughing, Newsie worriedly brushed the gray-dusted hair of his Gypsy girl from her face, relieved when her eyes opened. “Are you okay?” he asked.

    She adjusted his tilted glasses on his nose. “Nothing broken. You?”

    “Same,” he replied, and then realized she was sprawled atop him in a way he would be embarrassed to have anyone see. “Uhm.” Quickly he scrambled to his feet, but upon looking around, saw everyone else was similarly tangled and not paying any attention to him, concerned with their own recovery from the fall. He saw someone yellow staring at the damage from across the street. “Chester?”

    The plaid-coated Muppet approached, seeming a little stunned. “Aloysius?”

    Newsie nodded, and stuck out his hand. Snookie looked at it, then at the anxious eyes of his cousin, and then did another in what was shaping up to be a long line of atypical actions tonight: he hugged Newsie. Gina smiled, trying to keep her bedraggled hair out of her face. A blue-and-pink-splotched girl stepped across the rubble in the street to stand by Snookie. Gina nodded at her. “Friend of his?”

    Constanza grabbed Snookie’s arm. “He’s mine, sister. Don’t even think about it.”

    Embarrassed, Snookie pulled away from Newsie. “Uh, I think she has her own squeeze. This is Const—I mean Stinkbomb,” he said, remembering her preferred nickname.

    When Constanza saw Gina drape her arms over Newsie’s shoulders, she relaxed. “Oh. Um. Hi. Constanza le Whatnot.” She stuck a dirty hand at Gina, who accepted it.

    “How’d you get out?” Newsie asked. So many questions to ask! But for now he was just inexpressibly relieved to see his cousin alive. Now...if only Rhonda made it...

    “Ran out the front door right before the whole place came down,” Snookie said. He shook his head in awe at the rubble. “Hope those SWAT guys got back out the way they came in...or are really good at digging.”

    Newsie blinked. “SWAT team?”

    “Is everyone all right?” Kermit coughed, brushing the dust from his face. Everyone seemed to have a fresh coating of gray plaster and brick-dust on them.

    “What happened to da giant chicken?” Fozzie asked, and several of the Muppets beginning to pull themselves upright looked around as well.

    The pink Martian pulled himself out of a small pile of crumpled boards, and gestured at a larger pile of rubble. The entire hotel was nothing more than a heap of wreckage. “Aww. Chick-en un-der. Un-der. Yip yip yip.”

    The blue one shook itself in disagreement. “Un-uh un-uh un-uh. Chick-en over. O-ver. Awwww! Yip yip yip yip yip!”

    “Yip yip yip yip o-ver, unh-huh, un-huh!” they chorused excitedly.

    Camilla clucked softly, peering at the pile of destruction. Rizzo did the same uneasily. “Hey, anybody seen Gonzo around?”

    “I sincerely hope all this weirdness is through,” Sam grumbled, shaking his feathers and brushing the top of his head in disgust.

    Rizzo looked at Pepe. “Did we just miss a joke somewhere?”

    The shrimp shrugged. “Jou gots me, amigo. All I knows is there are scantily costumed girls at a party somewheres who are missing their Pepe right now!”

    “You wish.”

    “Are we safe?” Walter wondered, still dazed. He felt something wriggling below his shirt, and fished out a flopping salmon. “Uh, I think this is yours.” He handed the fish to Lew Zealand.

    Lew exclaimed as he walked off, “You naughty girl! He’s half your age! Come on, let’s go find a late show to watch...I think the wrestling match is over...”

    Newsie looked at the ruined heap of broken bricks. “I...I had no idea you and I could...” The extent of the damage, though fortunate for the whole party, was nevertheless a bit frightening.

    Gina nodded soberly. She turned to the scientists. “Can you guys make me another necklace?”

    Beaker nodded eagerly. Bunsen elaborated, “Happily, as we know the exact field frequency of both of your psychokinetical, magnetical fields, we should be able to fix it again. Never fear, the power of science can resolve all problems!”

    With a fierce BAAAAWWWWK!, the giant plucked chicken burst from the center of the rubble.

    Bunsen put his hands up in consternation. “Well, most problems...”

    A fierce clucking built up to a roar which sent a few broken windows in adjoining buildings crashing to the street. The startled Muppets and monsters alike began to fall back, spreading out in the narrow street; a number of monsters immediately took to their paws and scattered away through the Lower East Side as fast as they could. Thatch helped Rosie out of a heap of bricks and crushed mortar, both of them so covered in gray dust as to be indistinguishable from each other. They stared in horror at the monstrosity rising unconquered and shaking its terrible wattles.

    “Uhh...faggah,” Rosie gulped. Thatch could only nod in stunned agreement.

    “For the chickennnnns!” a wild shriek came from the still-standing tenement next to the hotel site. To everyone’s surprise, the Great Gonzo, brandishing Rosie’s curtain rod, saluted the crowd with a crazed look in his eyes, and then swiftly swung across the empty space from a busted window to land flat on the Underchicken’s broad pimply back. “Ha ha haaaah!”

    Piggy gaped. “When the heck did he have time to change into a gladiator outfit?!”

    Scooter shook his head. “Never mind that – where the heck did the vine come from?”

    Kermit tried to herd everyone to a safe distance down the street. “Come on, guys – let’s get out of their way!” No one could argue with that. Feet, paws, and saddle shoes pounded the pavement of Doyers Street.

    “I know he’s probably at the parade,” Bland (or maybe Blander) was telling Blandish from the dubious safety of a shop awning across the way. “Go get him! Tell him it’s urgent!”

    Newsie cast an anxious eye about in vain for his reports producer. “I can’t find Rhonda,” he told Gina. “Do you think she’s...she’s...”

    Gina hugged her worried Muppet tight. “I hope not, sweetie.” She backed away farther, the thought striking her of the rest of Chinatown falling down if she and Newsie stayed together like this much longer; as upset as he understandably was, she didn’t think more damage would be forgivable tonight. Or exempt from lawsuits, she thought, noticing the lawyer frumping at the whole scene. “My love...I think one of us should leave, before the subway collapses under us or something. I’ll see if I can get hold of anyone at your station and make them send a camera crew, and maybe you can—“

    “I’m not sure a News Flash is going to solve this,” Newsie interrupted. “Look at that thing! If being crushed under a building didn’t stop it, what will?”

    Rizzo overheard. “Hasn’t stopped you yet.”

    Newsie glared, but then stooped to address the rat directly. “Have you seen Rhonda?”

    He seemed surprised. “Huh? Blondie? No – oh, man, she wasn’t in dere, was she?”

    Distraught, Newsie clasped his hands together, staring at the giant naked chicken being rodeo-ridden by a largely ineffective Gonzo. “Oh man,” Rizzo gulped. “But...but...we can’t go lookin’ in dere right now! Dat t’ing’ll peck us all ta death!”

    Confirming this sentiment, the Underchicken spotted Rosie and Thatch and struck a wickedly sharp beak at them. The brothers barely scrambled out of the way, tumbling feet-over-horns down the rubble heap. “Gazza! Heppa!” Rosie cried.

    Gonzo yanked hard on the wattles like floppy reins. “Yeeeeeehaaaaaah!”

    Gina kissed Newsie quickly. “Stay safe! I’ll send help!” She grabbed Bunsen’s shoulder. “You guys! Back to your lab before this gets any worse!”

    Kermit muttered, “How could this possibly –“

    A thump rippled along the street. Car alarms went off two blocks over.

    Piggy growled, “You just had to say it.”

    Another subsonic boom sounded, and this time the street pavement actually trembled. “That does not sound like help,” Pepe said, slowly backing behind Beauregard. The frightened janitor clutched the ancient dustmop he’d rescued.

    “Does this mean the fences are down?” he asked, remembering something about big mean dinosaurs.

    Another boom traveled along the street, making even the Underchicken pause a moment; then it cackled in glee and tried to slam its body against the neighboring building; Gonzo hung on, though the blow made his eyeballs roll. “Ooh, yeah, make me like it...” he murmured, though fortunately Camilla, standing anxiously among the Muppet crowd, didn’t hear him.

    “Whaddevah it is, it’s comin’ closer!” Rizzo yelled.

    Newsie shoved Gina away from him. “Go!” he shouted gruffly. “I love you!”

    She gave him one worried, determined look, then took off. In seconds she was out of sight around the crooked angle of the street. Newsie sighed, glad she was out of danger, but then turning back to the giant freak lunging and reeling around the pile of wreckage, he realized it was only a matter of time before the Underchicken scraped Gonzo off its back...and then came for the rest of them...and what the hey was that weird booming? Transformer stations? Overflying planes? Disturbing memories of another such sound on a very grim day in the city’s history came to mind. Newsie strained on tiptoe but couldn‘t see anything in the night sky over the surrounding buildings. No flames or smoke, that has to be a good sign, right? But then what... He saw Gina running back around the bend in the street. “Gina? What are you doing?” he yelled.

    And then another deep, shuddering blow hit the concrete, making him wobble. Robin peeped in fear and hopped atop the Muppet nearest, which happened to be Beaker; he meeped agreement, backing against a closed Chinese tea room. Piggy steeled her sturdy legs, wondering what the heck else was about to go badly wrong tonight, as her frog peered ahead worriedly. Only one overhead light cast its feeble glow along that end of the street, and as yet another horrible boooom sent alarming tremors along the sidewalks, the glass in the lamp shivered and fell with a crash. The immediate mental association with another light bulb dropping was not comic at all this time.
    ------
    Ruahnna and The Count like this.
  14. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    Part Fifty-Three (IV)

    “What da heck has gone wrong wit’ dis town?” Rizzo exclaimed. “Who’s up next, King Kong?”

    “I think maybe jou should not say these things aloud, okay?” Pepe said, raising a shaking hand to point at the thing looming around the bend in the street, its head on a par with some of the nearby tenements.

    Dr Teeth turned to the Chef. “You would not, in your culinarian couture, have a giant bunch of bananas, would you, my man?”

    But the thing which hove finally into view with two more earth-rocking steps of its ponderous feet was not an ape. “Oh holy frog,” Newsie gasped, clinging to Gina again as she breathlessly panted up to him, running ahead of the colossus.

    “Trooooooooollll!” Rizzo shrieked, right as the Underchicken finally managed to buck and toss Gonzo off its fleshy back. Rosie and Thatch grabbed him and pulled him off the rubble a split second before a clawed foot slammed into the pile; dazed, he wavered between them.

    “Wow, he musta hit me harder than I thought,” Gonzo mumbled. “Rosie, I see two of you!” He blinked at the furry hands guiding him as quickly as possible away from both the angry monster poultry and the enormous striding monster. “Whoa, cool, didn’t know you could feel double after a concussion...”

    With the gigantic, shaggy thing, eyes big as wagon wheels and floppy jaw like a mattress, closing in at one end, and the Underchicken suddenly leaping and thudding into the center of the street, the Muppets were trapped. Everyone huddled under the insufficient awning of a dry-cleaner’s. Kermit bravely gulped and stepped forward. “Piggy, run! Animal – try and distract them! There must be some way to, I don’t know – pit them against one another?”

    “I will stand with vous, mon capitan!” Piggy insisted.

    Thatch shook his fluffy head, sending a cloud of soot and dust sifting all around. “Nazza! Zagga da Undahlaggaz pezza trogga!”

    Scooter shuddered, and tried to push Sara behind him, although she’d have none of it. “Uh, Chief? He says that’s...that’s the Underlord’s pet troll...”

    “Oh good grief,” Kermit groaned. “And Sweetums is back at the theatre!”

    The thing suddenly leaned down, rubbery lip like a tire-swing right in front of Kermit before the frog could leap back. Eyes widened, shining bright as the moon. “You know Sweetums?” the giant troll thundered.

    Kermit recovered slowly, shaking; Piggy’s instinctive grip on his arm was the only thing that had kept him from being blown twenty yards back by that fetid breath. “Y-yes! He, uh, he works with us! All of us!” Kermit said, trying to sound firmer than he felt.

    Suddenly a tiny blonde head popped up from atop the troll’s forest of hair. “We already told ya that, ya big galoot!”

    Newsie’s jaw dropped. “Rhonda??”

    Another rat, hefty and crew-cut, appeared next to her, peering cautiously down as those huge eyes rolled up to squint at them. “Yeah, Morty...dese is da guys we was tellin’ youse about!”

    “Ohhh,” the troll said. Its guffaw shredded the awning. “Well gee, ya shoulda said somethin’! Haw, haw, haw...I almost flattened ‘em! Boy, would Cousin Sweetums have given me heck about that!”

    “C-cousin?” Rizzo gasped.

    Newsie had a hard time picking his jaw up enough to speak coherently. “You’re...Sweetums’ Cousin Morty?”

    “That’s a big troll,” Gina gulped.

    “That’s a giant troll,” Walter said softly, gazing up in awe.

    “That’s...that’s twenny bucks an’ a pizza ya owe me, for scarin’ me half outta my fur!” Rizzo exclaimed. He glared jealously up at Rhonda and Bubba. “How come you guys get to ride the wild troll, and we get stuck fightin’ giant naked Colonel Sanders rejects?”

    “Man, I think it heard you,” Floyd said, stepping back, Janice in his arms, as the Underchicken advanced, clucking menacingly.

    “Buh-gawwwk!” Camilla said, nuzzling Gonzo in great concern; it had been a while since she’d seen his eyes quite that crossed. She eased him from Rosie’s grip and petted his face gently with one wing. “Bawk, buk buk buk...”

    “I only see one of you,” Gonzo told her, and fell into her soft embrace, heedless of the whole situation in the street. “Only one...”

    “Bawwwww,” Camilla sighed.

    Morty the Troll chuckled, and lowered his arm for the rats to run down his hand and join their friends. “Gosh, sorry about that! Sweetums told me about ya, but he didn’t say how small ya were!”

    “No harm done,” Kermit managed; Piggy braced her feet against that wind tunnel of a mouth, grimacing.

    “Speak for yourself. I’ll never get the stench out of my hair,” she grumbled.

    A vicious cackle in the street startled everyone. “Ho boy,” Pepe muttered.

    Dr Teeth shook his head. “Stand back, friends; I have a feeling this is about to become pugilanimous...”

    “Do you think the troll can pin that thing down?” Gina wondered, keeping hold of her Newsman despite the danger of concurrent energy fields. Nothing seemed to be shaking at the moment...well, nothing not attributable to the troll or the monster chicken, anyway...

    With a scream of rage, the Underchicken hopped up and down, sending more tremors along the already-cracked pavement. It clucked and gestured at the Muppets. “Whatever it’s saying, that can’t be good,” Walter guessed.

    Gonzo roused himself, staring up at the fearsome plucked thing. “Uh...it isn’t, unless being stomped into Muppet jelly sounds like fun. Hey,” he perked, but Camilla clucked severely at him, and he slumped again. “Just saying...”

    The others cringed. “Newsie, focus!” Gina cried, hugging him. “Make it go away!”

    Newsie shut his eyes tight, concentrating with all his might on the mental image of the Underchicken simply winking out of existence, perhaps sucked into the doorway to heck he’d hoped to open. “If you’ve got some kind of superpower, now would be a really good time to use it,” Snookie suggested helpfully.

    “Superpower? He’s just a reporter,” Constanza scoffed.

    “Well, I’m really hoping that’s just his day job...” Snookie sighed.

    “Nothing’s happening!” Wanda wailed. “Everybody run!”

    “Oh, my!” Bunsen gasped, echoing the gape of his assistant subconsciously. “Your field energy must have actually burned out in bringing down the hotel!”

    “What?” Gina and Newsie cried together.

    “Not to worry!” Honeydew yanked out a calculator and tapped it rapidly; Beaker reminded him to carry the Stantz Quotient to the next column. “If we are correct in our previous observations of the maximum measurable hertz of your psychokinetic field combination, expressed over a fixed period of time x, where q equals the amount of force generated and p the extent of physically irreparable damage –“

    “Hey Doc, cut to the chase,” Rowlf barked.

    Honeydew resettled his glasses, lowering the calculator. “Then you both should be able to raise a powerful enough field to open another dimension, or turn the giant bird back into a human, or other such reality-altering phenomena, in approximately...”

    “How long?” Newsie demanded.

    Bunsen gulped. “Two days.”

    The Underchicken crowed.

    “Lookit da time,” Rizzo exclaimed. “I t’ink I’m late for dat party!”

    Pepe whirled to stare at him. “Jou was not going to a party tonight!”

    “I’m goin’ to whatever one you’re goin’ to, and we’re leavin’ now!” the rat insisted, and grabbed the prawn’s tee-shirt. “Dey’ll eat the bigger ones first! Move it!”

    Rhonda stared. “That...is the ugliest chicken I have ever seen.”

    Bubba scratched his chin a moment. Then, as the Underchicken advanced, still cackling and clucking in what presumably was another tirade urging his minion to attack, the rat yelled up at the baffled Mortimer: “Hey, Morty!”

    The huge head swung down again, making everyone flinch, but the troll only blinked and listened attentively to the apparently unfazed rat. “Yuh, Bubba?”

    “Wasn’t you tellin’ me just a while ago how hungry you was?”

    Giant yellow eyes gazed into small, heavy-lidded rodent ones a long moment. Then the troll tilted his head to view the furious Underchicken. Understanding dawned like a Klieg light in those wheels of eyes. “Ohhhh,” Morty rumbled, making the smaller Muppets cling to the larger ones for fear of being knocked to the sidewalk. “You ordered me a chicken to go? Haw haw haw! Thanks!”

    And with one rough palm, the troll scooped up the monstrous chicken and stuffed it whole down his throat.

    The gulp which followed stunned everyone present. The satisfied belch which followed shattered every window on the block. “Not too bad...but I really like hot wings better,” Morty decided. Seeing a noodle shop fronting the street, he reached through the broken window and rooted around in the kitchen area until he found a case of chili sauce bottles. Down the hatch went the entire case. “That’s better. Gee, Bubba, that was awful nice of ya!”

    “Don’t mention it,” Bubba said agreeably.

    Everyone stood there, too dazed to react for a moment. And then the world descended on them.

    Helicopter blades chugging overhead preceded voices yelling and a team of riot-geared police rappelling down and cornering Rosie and Thatch. A small tank rumbled up in range of the troll. From one end of the street, Health Inspector Murrow charged on a golf cart at the head of the strike force who’d come back through the Nofrisko tunnel. At the other end, a group of Whatnots with briefcases pulled up and piled out of a late-model luxury sedan. Everyone converged at once, it seemed, and the bewildered Muppets huddled together as much as they could.

    “Holy A-Team, Goldie,” Rhonda said. “I thought I was supposed to be gathering the cavalry! Did you call these guys?”

    “Er...just him,” Newsie replied, nodding at Murrow.

    “Who’s he?”

    “Special Inspector First Class Murrow, Health Department!” the Whatnot barked through a megaphone, standing in the seat of the golf cart. “Anyone associated with, employed by, or in any way connected to the Nofrisko Corporation and its various subsidiaries is in violation of Health and Safety Code pursuant to...” He began rattling off a long list of official-sounding numbers and letters.

    Kermit shook his head, amazed. “Where was this guy when I was working on the Street? He’s a natural.”

    Fozzie looked around slowly, all the shouting and bright lights and action unnerving him. “Does...does dis mean it’s over?”

    “It better be,” Piggy grumped. “Some of us would like a bubble bath now.”

    “That sounds really good,” Sara sighed, leaning in relief against Scooter, who hugged her tight, and began softly laughing.

    “...are all subject to fines and possible arrest! You!” Murrow yelled, getting Morty’s attention.

    “Huh?” The troll leaned down to stare at Murrow. “You talkin’ ta me?”

    “I don’t see any other public safety nuisances over thirty feet tall, so yes, I’m talking to you!”

    Scooter shook his head, turning away while a harangue began against an offended giant troll. “Oh boy,” he sighed. “Hope he knows what he’s getting himself into.”

    One of the cops pointed his anti-monster taser gun at Thatch and Rosie. “Were these two part of the infestation underground?” the man demanded. Everyone looked at them, then at Kermit. Kermit looked at Gonzo, struggling, with Camilla’s help, to stand without wobbling. The brothers McGurk looked at Gonzo, at one another, and then at the Muppets. Their horns drooped; their eyes plainly said they expected the worst. Tongues sagged unhappily. Kermit’s gaze hardened. He cleared his throat and spoke very firmly to the police.

    “No, officer...they’re with us.”

    Stunned, then overjoyed, the monsters suddenly hugged Kermit, pounding his back gratefully until Piggy yanked them off him. “You’re welcome,” the frog said, pleased despite his now-sore shoulders.

    Newsie shook his head in wonder. “Are we...are we really all right?”

    His cousin clapped him on the back, startling him. “As weird as I feel saying this...yeah. Yeah, we are.” Tentative smiles on both sides gave way to grins, then laughter.

    “Are we?” Gina asked Beaker. He and Bunsen exchanged a look, a shrug, and a smile.

    “Mee mee.”

    “Yes. But come by the lab tomorrow so we can affix your new field blocker before you both build a charge back up. Speaking of.” The bald scientist beamed at two furry jellyfish staggering past. “Excuse me, might we have a word with you two? That was some impressive static electricity generation you two managed!”

    Pink stared at him. “Aww? Word?”

    Blue clamped his mouth shut. It had been a long night, and he just wanted to chew some cardboard and go hang from a clothesline. Impatiently he tugged at his friend’s tentacles, ignoring the curious lab boys. Pink looked reluctantly from Blue to Bunsen, then sighed and went along with his companion, but to appease the request, called out over his antennae as he scrunched away, “Ra-di-o. Aww. Radio. Word. Yip.”

    Blue- and olive-felted lawyers bustled into the fray with immense self-importance. “This property is officially under the jurisdiction of the City, County, and State of New York pursuant to seizure laws due to charges being brought against the legal owners, including but not limited to Muppetnapping, fraud, and filming reality dating shows on the premises...”

    “Excuse me,” Murrow interrupted Blander (or Bland; both stood pouting in the fore of a bastion of Whatnots now pasting legal notices on every intact wall, light-pole, and shop-door within five hundred yards of the demolished Happy Lotus Hotel). “I’m in charge of this operation! Who are you exactly?”

    During the bristling, posturing, and argument which followed in the middle of the street as a baffled troll looked on from above, Newsie sighed and held his girl’s hand. “Muppetnapping,” he repeated. “A nap sounds wonderful.”

    “A hot shower and bedtime sounds better,” Gina added. She smiled at the weary yellow Muppet clutching the hand of the blue girl opposite. “Would you two like to come home with us tonight? We have enough room...and spare clothes...and I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about.” She beamed at Newsie and Snookie. They looked at one another, and nodded.

    “You had me at ‘hot water’,” Snookie sighed.

    “Any chance of plush PJs?” Constanza asked Gina shyly.

    “Yes. Love ‘em. Uh...I’m sure we can roll up the legs.”

    “Are you trying to make a short-Muppet jo...” Realizing she was getting defensive over nothing, Constanza backed down, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

    Snookie hugged her, and she gave in, sighing tiredly. “Let’s go home,” Gina said. Newsie smiled agreement, but as they began to slowly walk away from the scene, he looked back at Rhonda, about to ask her if she wanted to come along...but the petite rat seemed occupied. He watched that larger, Stallone-lookalike rat put his arm around her shoulders, and saw Rhonda lean into him, and suddenly Newsie realized his producer might have found someone she didn’t have to be so strong around, finally.

    Robin, slowly creeping forward, stared up at the massive troll. He called up to that shaggy mountain of a head, “Are you really Sweetums’ cousin?”

    Morty crouched, pushing the golf cart out of his way; Murrow was in too heated a discussion over legal possession of the crime scene with the Bland firm to notice. “Sure! We used to fish for squid together in the East River!”

    “Really?” Growing bolder, the little frog approached closer. Kermit and Piggy watched, a little worried, but the troll placed his hands down as gently as their own resident troll did around the boy. “Did you catch anything?”

    Morty rumbled a laugh that wobbled the nearest streetlamp pole. “Well, a submarine once, but they made us throw it back!”

    Rizzo elbowed Pepe. “Are you t’inkin’ what I’m t’inkin’, buddy?”

    Pepe frowned. “Haven’t we done that joke already, amigo?”

    Rizzo planted his fists on his ample waist. “I am t’inkin’, with dis guy, we could rake in da biggest Halloween haul evah!”

    Pepe considered it. “But will there be beautiful womens, okay?”

    Gonzo looked around at the theatre troupe, uncertain of his reception. “Uh...so...fun night, huh guys?”

    Groans and head-shaking ensued. Scooter put out a hand and a smile. “Welcome back, Gonzo.”

    The Whatever grinned, and admitted, “You know, great as all of that was...they just don’t understand me like you guys do.”

    “Like, nobody understands you, Gonzo.”

    “Okay...it still sounded better than ‘Hey, can I come back and try that rabid-weasel juggling thing finally?’” Gonzo sighed.

    Sam the Eagle scowled and crossed his wings. “I see no lessons have been learned here.” He strode over to the lawyers. “Gentlemen! While I applaud your swift prosecution of the miscreants who are responsible for this atrocity, I feel I must point out that there are more citations which ought to be written out, for lewd display of naked chickenskin, destruction of an historical site, and overall naughtiness...”

    Scooter tried to hold in a laugh, but then saw a smile quirking at the edge of his boss’ wide green mouth, and a broad one already lifting a bear’s welcoming face. By mutual and simultaneous assent, the gathered Muppets swarmed Gonzo, shaking hands, hugging, and patting him on the back. “Oo, ow, that smarts,” Gonzo said.

    “Uh, sorry.”

    “No, it’s good! Could you do it more?”

    The Newsman looked around at them all in a state of weary wonder: the biggest troll he’d ever seen lumbering off with Rizzo and a reluctant Pepe on his shoulders, with Robin securing permission from his uncle before hopping aboard as well to catch up on the trick-or-treating he’d missed earlier tonight; the daredevil cuddling his chicken as the other Muppets slowly dispersed in clumps and friendly groups to head home; the lawyers arguing with the SWAT officers arguing with the health inspector in a three-way contest (four, but everyone seemed to be ignoring Sam); the monster brothers quietly stealing away in the wake of Animal yelling and jerking his chain down the street, Floyd and the Mayhem in pursuit. Newsie turned to his cousin, the Whatnot girl obviously with him, and Newsie’s own beloved, who was gazing down at him through a curtain of mussed, dusty hair, and still looked beautiful to him. “Let’s go home,” he said.

    So they all did.
    -----------
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  15. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    :sleep: Statler...
    :boo: Yes, what is it?
    :sleep: Is that it?
    :boo: I don't know, you'll have to ask that newsguy. But how'd you like it?
    :sleep: Eh, I don't know, I slept through the whole thing.
    :boo: Well, you didn't miss much.

    *Wild applause for the rest of Ch 52 that was posted tonight.

    Now that's how you bring down the house!

    *Laughs at...
    :shifty: "Unbelievable."
    :rolleyes: "Ju need to stop stealing my lines, amigo."

    Gina: "Windows."
    :news: "I thought you prefered Mac."

    Thanks for confirming what I'd only thought of earlier yesterday/this weekend, that Mortimer was the previously aluded cousin of :grr: and he comes to the rescue.
    Marvin: But where's the earth-shattering kaboom?
    Pink: Ka-boom?
    Blue: Ka-boom, yip yip yip.
    *Hears burped explosive from the case of chili sauce. Ah, there it is.

    *Finds it adorable that Robin jumped onto Morty to go with Rizzo and Pepe to get some last-minute trick-or-treating done.

    And then there's just the general glee that this entire thing has brought me. Thank you as always.
    *Awards Kris an o' lantern mug of pumpkin spiced hot mocchalate.
    Ruahnna likes this.
  16. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    -----------
    Thanks...I could use the caffeine!

    One more wrap-it-all-up chapter to go which will have to wait a while; my work schedule this week is insane. Comments from ANYONE always appreciated; that's how I make these things better, folks...

    ----------
    Ruahnna likes this.
  17. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Wonders if Fragglemuppet's read the other stories from Kris 'newsmanfan' which proceed this one and also follow it too.
    *Vows to bring out my massive Bugs Bunny mug to toast to the ending of such a vonderful fanfic that has thrilled and entertained so many of us for so long.
    Ruahnna likes this.
  18. Ruahnna

    Ruahnna Well-Known Member

    Boy, have I been caught napping--and missed all the nightmares first time around!

    How nice to FINALLY get to read this through when all the nightmare have turned into sweet dreams. There's much to celebrate here:

    The big uggy-wugg (well, your big uggy-wugg) has been devoured. Like Kermit, Morty can eat what's bugging everyone! How convenient THAT turned out to be! If we could duplicate the transformation, then we could give the Colonel AND Bojangles a run for their money.
    Gonzo: Or start your own live-action, naked-chicken--
    Camilla: Bawk! Buh-bawk-bawk-buhgawk!!
    Gonzo: (eyes widening) Really? But, Sugarplum, I don't know if I've still got the marshmallow fluff....
    Sara: (to Scooter) What'd she say?
    Scooter: (turning red) Um...er...
    Piggy: Camilla say's she and Gonzo have plans and we'll see them in a few days.
    Kermit: (murmuring to Scooter) That's not really what she said, is it?
    Scooter: (muttering out of the side of his mouth) More or less, but something gets lost in translation.
    Ru: AS I WAS SAYING---!
    Rizzo: Typing.
    Ru: TYPING, then, this was such a nicely-wrapped surprise ending. I loved the way Kermit stepped up to the plate at the end and spoke up for Rosie and Thatch.
    Piggy: (smooching her frog) That's why Moi calls him Mon Capitan. He so easily assumes the mantle of leadership.
    Floyd: (panting after chasing Animal for the better part of 12 blocks) How about he assumes the cost of some grub.
    Rhonda: Don't say "grub."
    Bubba: It's okay, Sweetcheeks. I got you, now.
    Floyd: Well, chow then. Hey, Kerm. Can you spring for some pizza, at least?
    Pepe: Si, si. All this heroism is making me, like, hungry.
    Rizzo: You're always hungry.
    Pepe: (eying Constanza while Snookie is talking to Kermit) Si, Hi am always ravenous for the sight of a beautiful womans--
    Snookie: Back off, buster. This muppet belongs to--
    Constanza: Hey!
    Snooker: Um, er, this muppet is her own, independent felted person, who does not need the permission or condescension of anyone. And who is completely fabulous in every way.
    Constanza: (smiling) Wow, you're smart.
    Ru: Morty! Morty! I'm trying to review Kris's finale and everyone is talking!
    Morty: Aww. Hey--EVERYBODY SHUT UP!
    Piggy: (muttering) First my hair, now my ears....
    Kermit: Let's go home, everybody. Ru has this well in hand.
    Ru: Kris has this story well in hand. It's all sewn up.
    Thoreau: Dearheart, were you calling me?
    Ru: (sigh) No. I was not calling you. I was simply trying to say that this was excellently executed--
    Gonzo: And so was the giant chicken!
    Ru: --well-paced and ingeniously plotted, and full of all the things that make a story truly spectacular.
    Deadly: Could that be spooktacular.
    Ru: (shortly) No.
    Deadly: How about--
    Ru: Deadly, sweetie--I know you're already dead, but here are your choices. Either shut up and go back to my apartment and wait for pie or shut up or I'm going to murder you.
    Deadly: Hmmm. Do you have Cool Whip?
    Ru: If you're talking about the dessert topping, yes.
    Deadly: All right, then. Any chance of a snuggle on the couch afterward?
    Ru: MORTY!
    Deadly: Going, already. Hmphh.
    Ru: There was mystery and horror and romance, scientific experimentation and paranormal activity--not to mention pathos and human, er, muppet drama.
    Pepe: H'why did youy mention it, then?
    Ru: Grrrrr!
    Rizzo: Buddy, we got to scoot. I think there's literal steam coming out of her ears. Come and have some pie.
    Pepe: Are there any pumpkin brownies left?
    Ru: I don't recall inviting.... *sigh* Nevermind. Kris's story had it all. There was human drama, too, and movie promotion....
    Piggy: And fashion faux pas.
    Beauregard: How did you know they had four paws? Does she mean mittens?
    Ru: Nevermind what I mean. No one's listening.
    Fozzie: I'm listening.
    Blue: Awwwww. Yip yip yip. Listening.
    Pink: Awwww. Kris. Kris's story. Yip yip yip. Has it all.
    Ru: Yeah. Pretty much. And a happy ending.
    Blue: Yip yip. Possum.
    Pink: Pos. Sum. Yipyipyip.
    Ru: That's right. And Dr. Van Neuter is a possum. I'm happy.
    Fozzie: Good. Glad you're happy. Um...are you done?
    Ru: Yeah. I guess I am for now. That was one heck of a roller-coaster of a story. Good job.
    Fozzie: Come on home, then. There's still pie.
    Ru: Not for long....

    Lovely job. Wonderful job. We ALL think you did a great job bringing mayhem and horror and lawsuits and muppets rights to the forefront. Kudos, chica. Keep writing.

    Ru
  19. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    Lol! Thank you! Wasn't sure I could pull it off. Have one final chapter to go. Will have it in soon as I can. Been a very busy, very strange week. Thanks to everyone who stuck it out with me!

    Now...waiting on the mistress of dramatic romance to sweep us off to the awards..
    ..
  20. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    And this is why I have to stop by every week cause I so didn't see this chapter (or maybe I did and said I would read it later and later got to be later and so forth)

    I second Ru on the stuffs and the stuffs was good!

    Funny stuff, in there. Funny stuff...


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