TMS fanfic: Masks

[Slackbot]

I'm quite familiar with that MST3K episode. I'm an old MST3K fan myself. Hmm, how about a fic titled "I Accuse My Puppeteer"? (That would actually be relevant to this story, but I'm getting ahead of myself...)

I'm glad that Piggy sounds like herself. She's not the easiest character to write for. I keep wanting to throttle back on the staginess, but, dang it, she is stagey.

More fic is on the way. Prepare for Gonzo's snappy comeback, a Wagnerian rap, and some bunny abuse.

As for Paddywhack, I suppose you could call him a poltergeist--or, since he is a duck, a poultrygeist. I thought of him as an evil spirit, but you might say that's what a poltergeist is.

 

[The Count]

Thanks, got that little quibble resolved. Ima using Paddywhack as Marvin Suggs's monstrification as nothing else materialized that made me satisfied with his casting. But if we're keeping Paddywhack strictly birdish, I could see Placido Flamingo in that role... But what options would I then have for Marvin... The Mad Gasser? The Executioner? Sweeny Todd? Anything else?

 

[Slackbot]

In case anyone is curious about what Janken looks like, I drew a quick picture of him:

http://negaduck9.deviantart.com/art/Muppet-fan-character-Janken-183887456

His name is deeply meaningful, as a Google search will reveal.

 

[Slackbot]

For you music omnivores, here is a special chapter of...
​

Masks
Part 4: Rapsody​

by Kim McFarland

​

*****

"It's The Muppet Show, with out special guest star, MC Frontalot!"

The orchestra started playing the theme song, and the curtains opened to reveal the arches. The largest Muppets, most of the monsters, strutted onstage.

Offstage, The Muppets were waiting in the wings for their part in the familiar routine. All except Scooter, who for the last half hour had been rushing about with a sheaf of paper under one arm, searching the theater house for draft scripts. Finally he dumped them on Kermit's desk and looked at the cover pages. He selected the one with the most recent date—late yesterday evening—and hustled up to the dressing rooms.

He tapped on one door, then stuck his head in. "MC Frontalot? Here's the script."

MC Frontalot accepted the script that Scooter held out. "Thanks. Did you finally get the copier fixed?"

"Nope. That's the latest draft I could find. But don't worry, we don't stick to those things too closely anyway. Gotta go!" He darted out again, closing the door behind himself.

Frontalot looked at the cover. Someone had written on the cover, "Cuts are good." Below it, in different handwriting, was the reply "More cuts would be better!"

*

Scooter flew down the stairs and just barely managed to hit his mark in the arches for the last lines of the theme song. The logo came down, and Gonzo raised an odd-looking wind instrument that ended in two pipes and began playing. A large, vicious-looking snake rose in front of him, then wrapped itself around him and dragged him out of sight.

*

The Muppets left the stage. Gonzo said to the snake, "Good work, Eva."

"Don't mention it," she replied amiably. She uncoiled, releasing Gonzo, who quickly took off his purple jacket. His stunt costume was underneath. Camilla handed him his goggles.

Beauregard was waiting in the wings with an industrial vacuum cleaner. Sam, still blackened on one side by toner, looked at it, then muttered, "Let's get this over with."

They walked off to Sam's dressing room. Kermit glanced at Gonzo, who was fastening on his helmet. Gonzo gave him a quick thumbs-up, then went onto the stage. Kermit stepped out in front of the red curtains and said, "Hi ho, and welcome to our first televised episode of The Muppet Show since, er, the last one! This is going to be broadcast in at least two or three counties—I hope—so feel free to applaud as wildly as you want." He made a face, then looked offstage. "We can edit that out, right?"

Janken, startled, nodded without speaking. Kermit said, "Good," then faced the audience again. "Tonight we have a special guest, MC Frontalot, who, of all the rappers in the world, is definitely one of them, or so his publicist claims. But first, to start the show off with a bang, we have The Great Gonzo!"

The curtains opened as the trumpets played a brief fanfare. Gonzo stood on a stage that was bare except for himself, a cannon pointed at the balcony, a net behind the cannon, and one of the everpresent chickens. Behind him was a brick wall, undecorated except for a "NO SMOKING" warning in red paint. Over his stunt costume he wore a harness which trailed two long cords, one on each side, which were attached to either side of the net.

Gonzo cried out, "Greetings, lovers of culture and mayhem! How many times have you been to 3-D movies and thought that the headaches and motion sickness just weren't enough?"

As Gonzo went through his patter Kermit glanced at the net, then looked again. It wasn't the one he had used during rehearsal. It looked flimsy. In fact, Kermit could see from here that the frame was made of PVC pipe and the netting was a used tennis net. He went pale.

Gonzo climbed up into the cannon muzzle. "I will fire myself up and into the audience's very airspace, then be pulled back onto the stage by these bungee cords, landing safely in this net! And now my lovely assistant will light the fuse!" He started to slide down into the cannon, then looked out into the audience and said, "Good luck."

The fuse cord sparkled for several seconds. Then the cannon boomed, and Gonzo flew out, trailing the cords like the tail of a comet. They pulled taut, slowing him as he approached the balcony. For a moment he hung motionless, the forces perfectly balance. But he did not snap back, because his nose had neatly—and accidentally—hooked the handrail. Gonzo paused, surprised, then said in a slightly muffled voice, "Er, can somebody help me out here?"

A helpful member of the audience unhooked him, with some difficulty on both sides as the bungee cords were very taut. When the task was accomplished Gonzo said, "Thanks!" Then he snapped back to the stage, into the net, through the net, and through the back wall, leaving a perfect Gonzo-shaped hole in the bricks. After a tense moment he looked back out, glanced around at the wreckage, then said "Oops."

The curtains closed. Kermit went around the back of the stage. There, behind the breakaway section of a false back wall, was the real, much sturdier net, still intact. Gonzo was unhooking himself from the bungee cords. Kermit sighed with relief. "Gonzo! I thought for a moment there you'd finally gotten yourself killed."

Gonzo grinned widely. "Gotcha!"

"Yeesh." Kermit went back. Gonzo crossed to the other side of the stage. He asked Janken, "Did the camera get all that? Even the bit with the balcony?"

Janken replied without looking away from the monitors, "Yes."

"How'd it look? Can you play it back?"

"Sorry, I can't do that now. I'm filming the stage. I can play it back after the show, though."

"Oh, yeah, of course. Thanks," Gonzo said, and went off to change.

*

While that was going on, the cannon and net had been rushed off the stage and replaced by a long table with a podium in the center. Sam, whose feathers were once again blue, not to mentioned rumpled and slightly thinner on one side, was already seated at the left with Rowlf, and MC Frontalot was on the right with Animal. Kermit was standing at the center. When the curtains opened Kermit said, "Now it's time to raise the intellectual bar for of the show. With us are MC Frontalot, noted nerdcore hiphop rapper; Sam the Eagle, noted music critic; Rowlf, our control group; and Animal, who was sitting here when we started and we couldn't get him to move. Today's topic is the state of current music culture."

Sam said firmly, "There is none."

Rowlf asked, "How can you say that?"

"Very easily. All the truly great music has already been written. Modern rock and roll and other such nonsense is mere noise!"

"Like noise! Noise good!" Animal interjected enthusiastically.

"I don't know about that," MC Frontalot said. "Culture is about how people live, the way they see the world, and that finds its way into music."

"Nonsense! Culture is excellence in the arts!"

Rowlf, who had opened a thick book on the table, said, "Actually, Sam, he's got you there. See here: 'The sum of attitudes, customs, and beliefs that distinguishes one group of people from another. Culture is transmitted, through language, material objects, ritual, institutions, and art, from one generation to the next.'"

Sam looked at the book. "Where does it say that?"

Rowlf pointed to the page. "Right here."

Sam read, murmuring to himself as he scanned the page. Animal asked, "Oxford Unabridged?"

"American Heritage," Rowlf answered.

"Ahh." Animal nodded knowingly.

Unwilling to concede defeat, Sam slapped the table with one hand and declared, "Be that as it may, you cannot deny that music today is trash. It is filled with vulgarity, disrespect for women, and other such naughtiness."

"Actually, music can express anything the musician wants to say," Frontalot said.

Sam turned to him. "And what, sir, do you have to say in your so-called hip-hops?"

Calmly Frontalot replied, "I've done raps about gamer and online culture, educational and political issues, my life as a musician, Wagner's Die Walküre..."

Sam said, "Whose what?"

Interested, Rowlf said, "You wrote a rap about an opera? That's something I'd like to hear."

"Is that a song cue?" Frontalot asked.

The opening trumpets of Ride of the Valkyries began playing. Kermit answered, "I'd say that's a yes."

Animal began beating on the podium with a pir of drumsticks, providing a beat. Frontlot took a microphone out from under the desk and stood. He began chanting,

"I got invited to go see The Ring; I thought it
Was probably a musical about hobbits."
​

Bean Bunny hopped out onstage wearing a vaguely Vikinglike costume. He smiled cutely at the audience, then began scampering around.

"Started out promisingly enough:
Little fellow running 'round, there were trees and stuff,"​

Janice wandered onstage wearing a white, diaphanous robe. She looked about, confused. Then she and Bean stepped out of the way of a short sprinkle of water coming from the fly space.

"And a shelter from a storm, and a girl it seems,
Though the dialogue don't make no sense to me,"
​

Link Hogthrob, also dressed as a Viking and wearing an eyepatch and a fake beard, appeared onstage and began to threaten Bean.

"And her hubby come out, he look a little menacin',
Says he gonna eat you like a little piece of venison.
When it's um... morning I guess? I'm confused.
Does the wife know the hero? There seems to be clues.
There's a sword in a tree. Why's a tree in the house?
Did she slip her man a mickey? How come Siggy don't get out?"
​

Bean, Link, and Janice were trying to act out the narrative and not having much luck. Meanwhile, Beauregard had helpfully pushed in a tree on a rolling platform and nailed a cardboard sword onto it.

"How come neither of 'em making for the hills right now?
As for brothers loving sisters, isn't this disallowed?
Isn't this kinda how bad fates come about?
Ima need an intermission just to figure it out."
​

Link, Janice, and Bean gathered into a huddle in the pause between the verses, trying to make sense of the story line. Then Frontalot continued,

"Now here come poppa, he's the one-eyed jack.
Brünnhilde is the daughter with the armor on her rack."
​

Link quickly turned to face the audience when he heard his cue, and then Miss Piggy made her entrance, clad in Valkyrie armor. She posed for the audience. Then she heard her description, startled, and turned to glare at Frontalot.

"Does he lack in discretion? He backs up quick.
Daddy Wo don't ever seem to step to Ma Frick.
She got him by the thick of the beard, she's insistent;
But the subtitles flickered and I missed it."
​

Link had snickered at Piggy's annoyance; she retaliated by pulling his fake beard, then letting it snap back, knocking him off the stage.

"Odin doesn't get to get his son killing dragons?
(Still sounds like a job for the elder Baggins.)
He can't even incite his daughter to fix fights?
I'm about to go to sleep in my seat, all right?"
​

Bean and Janice were standing back now, watching Piggy and Link fight—or, rather, Link cower from Piggy's threats. Behind Frontalot, Rowlf and Kermit began placing bets as Sam watched, aghast. The song continued,

"'Cause the music's gettin' stupid, it don't got no beats
And that's the twenty-second time I heard the leitmotif
And I cite no grief but opera ain't for me;
It's for the kinda people, yo, who who listen to the CBC
And sip on tea, and read up on the paper.
Another intermission coming; Ima be the great escaper."
​

Sam tried to sneak offstage, but Scooter blocked his path. Reluctantly the eagle returned to his spot at the table. In an attitude of frustration, he leaned his head in one hand.

"Sneaking out the lobby, got ushed by an usher.
Showed me to my row and reminded me to hush up.
I settled in, waiting for the boredom to commence,
Definitely unprepared for what come next."
​

The stage began to shake. Bean, Piggy, Janice, and Link looked around in alarm.

When the strings set in and the horns come chasing
It's kind of like I just got rewarded for my patience.
This is more like it. This I could keep:
Ladies in helmets who ride eight deep."
​

With a great noise, a pair of cows galloped onto the stage, each bearing four chickens or penguins, galloped onstage. The birds were wearing horned helmets with blonde yarn braids attached to the back, and so were the cows.

"Grooving down in my seat, I'm rocking 'n' squirming.
Even almost got over the fact that they're talking German.
I'm learning I might even have to come back.
Wonder if they sell a ticket for just the third act?"
​

Frontalot struggled keep a straight face as the penguins and chickens waged war against those who did not have the good fortune to have a table to hide behind. Rowlf and Kermit were watching with great interest. Animal looked as if he would have jumped into the fray if he hadn't been occupied by percussion. Sam watched silently, having given up a verse earlier.

"Asked on the way out, did I follow? I say, 'Sort of,
And I gotta say I'm glad it weren't the Rings that there's a lord of.
Saw a lot of similarities but I'm pretty sure
That this was an adaptation of Star Wars.'"​

As the music faded, Rowlf asked, "Star wars? You sure about that?"

Frontalot shrugged and answered, "Yeah, you know, the twins and everything. I'll probably look it up on the Internet just to be sure."

*

The curtains closed. The Muppets exited the stage, led by Bean Bunny, who was pursued by hoofed and feathered valkyries clucking and quacking "Kill de wabbit, kill de wabbit!"

When the stampede had passed, Frontalot asked Scooter, "Did they plan all that?"

Reasonably Scooter answered, "Of course. We had to get the chickens and penguins helmets."

"Oh. Good point," Frontalot said.

Kermit went onstage to introduce the next act. Frontalot went back to flipping through his draft script. Sam went to his dressing room for a lie down.

*****

All characters except Janken are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC. MC Frontalot (AKA Damian Hess) is a real person and thus would be copyright © himself. He also holds the copyright on Rhyme of the Nibelung. His website is http://frontalot.com/ and you should totally visit it and download lots of his music, including Rhyme of the Nibelung. All copyrighted properties (and real people) are used without permission but with much respect and affection. The overall story is copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com). Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.

 

[The Count]

Great chapter...

Eva the Snake, is her name a nod to the movie Igor?
Is she a normal snake or is she meant to have a slightly Fracklish face/fanged grin?

Yeah, I can def see Gonzo's nose hooking onto the balcony handrail. This act reminds me of when he almost got Garth Brooks to do a similar bunjee jump/launch on Muppets Tonight.

You brought back the Talk Panel... Nice fan-nugget nod to the classic Season 1 TMS.

The funniest thing to me is picturing Animal in that voice of his asking Rowlf, "Oxford Dictionary?"

The entire depiction of MC Frontalot's Ride of the Valkyries was hilarious. But the best line is at the very end. Kill the wabbit indeed. Maybe those chickens and penguins and cows were armed with spears and magic helmets?
Spear and magic helmet.
Yes, spear and magic helmet, and I'll give you a sample!

Thanks. More please.

 

[Slackbot]

I haven't seen Igor; I just wanted to give her a nice friendly name, and, well, Eve struck me as weirdly appropriate. She's just a regular snake; possible a Speckled Band serpent.

Heh, Animal does have his lucid moments. One of my favorite is "RENOIR! RENOIR!" (Me, I prefer the dadaists and surrealists to impressionists. Guess Animal and I won't be carpooling to the museum any time soon.) BTW, that was Sam's dictionary. But you might have guessed that already.

Yes, the attack on Bean Bunny was a direct reference to What's Opera, Doc? In fact, that's the reason I cast Bean in there. Bunny abuse is always worth a larf.

 

[The Count]

Yes... It's such a shame that that particular version of Happiness Hotel has been cast over for the Monet Exhibit version on MCR. But at least I have it in my MUP3 albums.
Look forward to the next chapter.

 

[Slackbot]

Er, what?

 

[The Count]

MCR = Muppet Central Radio.
Zoot: "Oh, he's just upset about missing the Monet Exhibit at the National Gallery."
*Instrumental.

Hope that explains things better.

 

[Slackbot]

Yo, dog, Ima lay down a fresh chapter of...

Masks, Part 5:​

Backstage Front​

by Kim McFarland​

*****

The curtain opened on Act 2. Except that Fozzie was doing a monologue in front of the curtains, so they weren't actually open. The set for the next number was elaborate, a garden with a swing and stream, and they had been setting it up during intermission. It was nearly ready now, but not quite; Sweetums and Thog were still putting the swing together. All the Muppets for that number—Miss Piggy and a large collection of frogs—were waiting offstage.

Fozzie started his monologue energetically. "Heya heya heya! This isn't actually the first time we've had a rapper on The Muppet Show. In fact, I'm a rapper. Every Christmas, I wrap presents! Aaaa!" He waited for laughter, what he got was silence and an uncomfortable cough. "Y'see, because 'rap' and 'wrap' sound alike, and..."

Statler called out, "Don't bother explaining. We got the joke."

Waldorf added, "We just didn't want it!"

Fozzie glanced over to the side. Kermit looked at the stage behind the curtains—the swing was still not ready—then glanced over at Miss Piggy. She was glaring silently at the monsters struggling with the scenery. He gestured to Fozzie as if stretching something between his hands: draw it out, we have time to fill.

Fozzie gulped and continued. It was a bad night for him; even Statler and Waldorf seemed bored by his act, needling him less than usual. Kermit looked behind the curtain again. The swing was nearly set up. He caught Thog's eye and drew rapid circles in the air, the signal to hurry it up. Having gotten Kermit's message, and also having noticed Miss Piggy's irritation, Thog nodded.

Onstage, the situation was getting desperate. Kermit decided to take pity on Fozzie. He took out the bear rescue kit and filled two foil pie plates with whipped cream. Then he marched out onstage and said, "Fozzie, what are you doing? This act is terrible!"

That stung, but the bear knew it was true. "I know! I'm doing my part, telling jokes! Don't they know they're supposed to laugh?" he said, gesturing at the audience.

Statler shouted, "Hey, would you hold it down? We just got to sleep!"

Theatrically Kermit declared, "Fozzie, this monologue is a disgrace to The Muppet Show. I challenge you to a duel. Pies at five paces."

Fozzie straightened. "I accept your challenge!" He swatted Kermit's face with one end of his tie. Kermit scowled at him, then turned away.

The audience watched as the two stood back-to-back, each holding a pie in one hand. In the orchestra pit, Animal started a low drumroll. They counted five paces, then turned. Kermit threw his pie. It missed, and hit Rowlf's piano instead. The dog ducked, so only a bit of the cream splattered him.

The audience laughed. Fozzie, startled, looked around. He drew back as if to throw the pie at Kermit, then wilted visibly. "I can't do it. I just can't. Kermit, you're right, I'm the worst comedian that's ever been! There's only one thing I can do to save my honor!" He faced the audience, paused dramatically, and then splatted the pie into his own face with both hands.

The audience laughed. Kermit heard Sweetums, who was just behind the curtain, say, "We're ready!"

Good timing, Kermit thought; he didn't know how much further he could have stretched this. He flailed his arms and yelled, "Out! Out! Get off the stage!" Fozzie, whose face was covered with a pie plate, panicked and dashed into the curtain. It opened, sweeping him off into the wings. Kermit hustled offstage after him.

Backstage, Kermit said to Fozzie, "You all right? I was going to let you win."

"You were? I thought you missed for real." The bear wiped cream off of his eyes. Apologetically he said, "Thanks for helping me out. I'll do better tomorrow."

Kermit patted his back and said, "I know." Well, he knew that Fozzie would try, and he couldn't ask for more than that. As Fozzie went off to wash up Kermit looked at the stage.

The musical intro to Piggy's song was just finishing. The stage looked like a garden overgrown with ivy. Frogs were scattered about in the foliage and the stream, and one was perched atop the frame of the swing. Miss Piggy, dressed in a white, frilly, old-fashioned and carrying a lace parasol, stepped onstage and began singing:

"On a magic night
When the way you feel
Is a mystery,
It will be revealed.
Could be an angel
From up above
With a flower from the garden,
The garden of love."
​

She plucked a rose from the bush, closed her eyes, and sniffed it as the frogs echoed her last line.

**

Piggy's song went off exactly as rehearsed, which was no surprise. The act itself was simple; the tricky part was the scenery. On the other side of the theater, Scooter was watching over Janken's shoulder as he operated the cameras. Several still cameras captured the entire stage from different angles, so Janken only needed to follow her with one. Scooter said in a low voice, "Looks good."

Not glancing away, Janken said, "It helps that she knows how to play to the camera."

"She sure does." He squeezed Janken's shoulder, then went off again.

Janken watched Miss Piggy. He knew every move, gesture, and expression by heart; she had rehearsed the living daylights out of this song. If she was always like this, it would make his job easier.

**

MC Frontalot stepped out of his dressing room. When he looked over the railing he saw a gaggle, or herd, or flock of colorful, furry, and feathery creatures waiting in the wings. Scooter appeared out of nowhere and asked, "Are you ready for your number? I hope you don't mind the edits to your songs."

Frontalot answered, "Yeah. It's fine, I expected we'd have to tweak a few words."

"Great. We've got the Koozebanian Acrobatic League—that's them down there—then Muppet Labs, and then you're on." Scooter vanished again.

The curtains closed as Miss Piggy's act finished. The stagehands and larger Muppets rushed onstage to replace that set with another. Meanwhile the acrobats went onstage and began their act to the tune of the Sabre Dance. They bounded, fluttered, and otherwise moved about in bewildering formation, making patterns with their various shapes and colors.

Frontalot went downstairs. Rowlf was hanging around backstage. The dog said, "Hey. How's it going?"

"Hi. It's... wow. This is something. I've never done a show like this, especially from a draft script."

"I know, I know, it's weird for us too. Usually we don't have scripts at all," Rowlf told him.

Skeptically Frontalot asked, "You're kidding, right?"

The dog laughed. "Yeah, I'm kidding. But we do ad-lib a lot. Keeps us on our toes. Say, in the panel you said you had songs about all sorts of things. What other stuff have you rapped about?"

Frontalot said, "A little of everything, really. Let's see, I did a theme song for a webcomic, songs about how obscure I am—back when I was even more obscure than I am now—and how nobody could remember my name... I've had a lot of fun writing songs for Song Fight."

"Song fight? Yeah, Dr. Teeth and I got into one of those last year," Rowlf said, nodding.

Frontalot explained, "Actually, it's an online competition for song writers. They post a title and a deadline on the website, and people enter songs written around the title."

"Huh," Rowlf said, interested. "What kind of titles do they give out?"

"Off the top of my head, Livin' At The Corner Of Dude & Catastrophe, Romantic Cheapskate, Floating Bridge, Yellow Lasers, Fresh Dog-"

"Fresh dog?" Rowlf said worriedly. "Do I want to ask?"

Frontalot explained, "It's not like that. I wrote about my pet and how awesome he is."

"Oh, that's okay. Some of my best friends are pets," Rowlf said, relieved. "I never thought someone would write a rap about us dogs. I'd like to hear it."

Frontalot said, "Right now?"

"Why not? There's time."

"In that case, sure." Frontalot glanced around, then tapped on the desk with one hand for a beat. He began,

"Yo, I got a little dog, the doggy's name is Doggy Fresh,
And out of every single dog I've ever met, he's the best.
And the rest of the dogs in the world, I wouldn't own 'em,
​

Several other Muppets noticed the impromptu performance and came over to listen in. Frontalot continued,

"Yo my moms tried to clone him—I got sewn in
His skin a little microchip
So he could be a cyborg, wanna get him equipped
With a GPS and the 802.11b
So he could hit me up on IRC when he gotta go out and pee
And not just stand by the door and whine.
Wish he'd grow an opposable thumb sometimes."
​

Rowlf held up a hand and wiggled his thumb. "Yeah, they come in handy."

Frontalot continued,

"Yo, but I don't mind it, gets me up and about
It's good to walk around the block, remind the dog he ain't allowed
To eat no street chicken, and chase no squirrels,
Just to keep on kicking with a tail that curls,
Just to keep on fancy stepping with the ears that flop,
Just to rock, yes, Doggy Fresh, you don't stop!"
​

The other Muppets laughed as Frontalot chanted "Who's a good boy?" repeatedly. Rowlf, getting into the act, panted as if begging, then tossed his head, flopping his ears. Front mimed tossing him a treat, which Rowlf caught with one hand. The other Muppets, both in the wings and up on the second floor balcony, were grooving along with the song.

"I got a little dog, the doggy's name is Doggy Fresh,
And he be crazy charismatic like David Koresh.
You can try to stay miffed about the fur on your clothes
But look out, you 'bout to giggle when he lick on your nose."
​

"I'm not taking this act that far," Rowlf said.

"And he don't like baths, and he barks at intruders,
He be begging where the food is like his owner was the cruelest
Non-dog-food-purchasing dog owner ever.
He occasionally ekes out a treat through this endeavor,
But you got to forgive him with his big brown eyes.
You got to go on to admit my dog's incredibly fly.
He 'bout as fierce as a wolf, 'bout as big as a fox,
If he drops one beat I'ma knock 'em out the box.
Yo your cat's name may be Maceo,
But my dog is Doggy Fresh and Doggy Fresh is good to go!"
​

Frontalot tapped the final beats on the desk, then finished. The other Muppets laughed appreciatively. Rowlf said, "I can dig that. Of course, we dogs are good at digging."

Frontalot said, "Glad you liked it. I never expected to perform it for a talking dog."

"Oh, we all talk. It's a little harder to understand if you're not another dog, though. Woof."

The conversation was cut short when the colorful creatures finished flinging themselves about onstage and came backstage again. Scooter called, "Muppet Labs!" Bunsen and Beaker went onstage. As Kermit introduced them, Rowlf said in a low voice, "You know we've got a camera back here too, don't you?"

Frontalot looked around. "No, I didn't. Where?"

Rowlf pointed. "Just in case anything interesting happens back here. Like that." He waved to the camera.

After a beat, Frontalot waved too. "Hi, Mom."

*****

You can download Fresh Dog for free from MC Frontalot's website. Go get it, it's cool. And you might also check out Song Fight's website, which is also cool.

*****

All characters except Janken are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC. MC Frontalot (AKA Damian Hess) is a real person and thus would be copyright © himself. He also holds the copyright on Fresh Dog. His website is http://frontalot.com/ and you should totally visit it and download lots of his music. The song The Garden of Love is copyright © WingNut Films. All copyrighted properties (and real people) are used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken and the overall story are copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com). Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.