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Blue Weirdo
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Here's my Halloween themed episode (I know it's a little late but I had some trouble) I finally decided to use Jamie Lee Curtis as my guest. Remember in the 70's when The Muppet Show aired she was known for being Hollywood's "scream queen" with films like... well Halloween
It’s the Muppet Show with our Special Guest Jamie Lee Curtis
COLD OPENING: DRESSING ROOM
Scooter: Jamie Lee Curtis? Twenty seconds to curtain Ms. Curtis.
Jamie Lee: Thanks Scooter. Say I thought I just heard thunder. Is it raining outside?
Scooter: No that was our other guest for tonight.
Jamie Lee: Two guest stars?
(Count Von Count enters the room)
Count: That’s two! Two special guests! Ah ha ha. (Thunder f/x)
Jamie: I see.
Scooter: Hey Count you better get ready. It’s fifteen seconds to curtain!
Count: Ah ha! Fifteen seconds! Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven,….
(Count continues to count down when he hits one cut to-)
OPENING THEME:
(There are pumpkins sitting in front of Statler and Waldorf)
Statler: Are we supposed to carve these or throw them at the stage?
Gonzo’s horn howls like a werewolf
INTRO:
Kermit enters dressed as a vampire and speaks with a Transylvanian accent informing the audience that tonight’s show will have a Halloween theme including the two special guests, Hollywood’s scream queen and star of the movie Halloween Jamie Lee Curtis, and an old friend from Sesame Street Count Von Count.
Kermit: So we should have one terrific show tonight…
Count: (enters) Ah ha, that’s one! One terrific show!
Kermit reminds Count that he’s in the opening number so he needs to stop counting and get ready. Count goes back through the curtain but pauses to say:
Count: By the way Kermit, that’s one.
Kermit: One what?
Count: One bad accent! Ah ha ah!
Kermit: (Scrunches face and speaks normal) Ladies and gentlemen the opening number.
OPENING NUMBER: “THE MONSTER MASH”
The scene is a twisted version of Muppet Labs. In a rare musical appearance Bunsen sings backed up by a montage of monsters including Mulch as the creature mentioned in the first verse and Count Von Count as Dracula (“Whatever happened to my Transylvania Twist?”) Bunsen’s having fun but poor Beaker’s scared out of his wits.
BALCONY:
Waldorf: Well the monsters seemed to be having a good time.
Statler: At least someone is tonight!
BACKSTAGE:
Count counts the monsters as they come off stage. Kermit tells him to get ready because he’s in the next scene as well. (“That’s two! Two scene’s in a row!”) Sam tells Kermit that he is appalled by the weird scary theme for tonight’s show. Kermit gets on his good side by telling him the next scene is from a classic piece of literature and also a tribute to a great actor.
CURTAIN:
Kermit introduces Jamie Lee Curtis and the Muppets’ tribute to Bella Lugosi.
SKIT: DRACULA SKETCH:
Jamie Lee Curtis is Mina Harper, and Count Von Count is Dracula. At least he’s supposed to be but he’s more interested in counting Mina/Jamie Lee’s things than in biting her. Rowlf enters playing Dr. Van Helsing and “Dracula” starts counting the various vampire slaying tools he’s brought. He takes so long the sun comes up and he has to flee.
BALCONY:
Statler thinks the sketch was a terrible way to honor the late great actor but then Waldorf reminds him of all the Ed Wood films Bella Lugosi did.
BACKSTAGE:
Count is still counting everything in site and it’s starting to get on everyone’s nerves. Kermit meanwhile has to deal with Sam who was not pleased by the Dracula skit. Kermit promises to have a poetry reading later.
PIGS IN SPACE:
Creepy things are going on aboard the Swine Trek. Ghosts float through, the lights go on and off and then there’s the sound of footsteps and banging that grows louder and louder until suddenly there’s pounding at the door. Forced to act brave Link opens it only to find it’s Robin and Mary Louise in costumes trick-or treating. After they leave everyone calms down and there’s another knock at the door. Piggy calmly opens it but this time it’s Behemoth and he eats her.
BALCONY:
Statler tells Waldorf a story of how he lived in a haunted house. He finally got rid of the ghost because he was better at booing.
UK SPOT: SONG: “WEREWOLVES OF LONDON”
A Whatnot Muppet sings as he slowly grows hair, claws and fangs. By the end of the song he has turned into a werewolf.
DRESSING ROOM:
Jamie Lee complains that the constant thunder from Count’s counting is giving her a headache. Kermit asks him to keep it down when there’s a crash of thunder without Count doing it. It has started to rain outside. Count runs out to count the raindrops.
Kermit: Well at least that’ll keep him busy for a while.
Uncle Deadly then stops by as a fan of Jamie’s work particularly her gift for delivering the perfect scream. He asks for a demonstration but Jamie explains she needs motivation. Deadly invites some “friends” in and gives her all the motivation she needs.
MUPPET NEWS:
Newsman: Reports are coming in that a unknown group of practical jokers are stealing jack-o-lanterns and then hurling them at innocent people.
A barrage of pumpkins pelts the newsman.
BACKSTAGE:
Sam is determined to get some quality entertainment on tonight and brings in Wayne and Wanda. Kermit refuses to let them go on reminding everyone that her fired them since they are horrible. Sam declares that there is only one way they will not be performing tonight. Then Gorgon Heap walks up and devours Wanda.
Sam: …And that was it.
SWEDISH CHEF:
Jamie Lee is helping the chef to prepare various homemade treats for trick-or-treaters. (Candy apples, popcorn balls, ect.) but monsters (Gorgon Heap, Luncheon Counter monster…) keep coming in and eating them all. Finally Big Mamma shows up but they have run out of treats. So Big Mamma grabs Jamie Lee and starts to eat her.
BALCONY:
Statler and Waldorf discuss various, and increasingly disturbing, ways to get rid of trick-or-treaters.
BACKSTAGE:
Jamie has managed to get away from Big Mamma and goes to get ready for the closing number. Sam reminds Kermit that he promised a poetry reading. Kermit tells him it’s up next and he relaxes but then panics when Kermit calls for Gonzo to go onstage.
SKIT: “THE RAVEN”:
Sam doesn’t need to panic because although it is Gonzo performing with a Muppet bird he does recite Edgar Allen Poe’s poem the way it’s supposed to be done.
BALCONY:
Waldorf: I’ll be, they did it right.
Statler: How often you think that’s going to happen?
Both: NEVERMORE!
INTRO:
Kermit: Once again Ms. Jamie Lee Curtis and Count Von Count.
CLOSING NUMBER: “THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC”
In a Transylvania castle setting Jamie sings while the Count performs vampire style magic.
GOODNIGHTS:
Kermit thanks both guests and asks if they had a good time. Jamie gives a simple yes however…
Count: How did I enjoy myself? Let me count the ways!
Kermit: (Scrunches face) Sheesh! Happy Halloween everyone will see you next time on the Muppet Show!
Count continues to count as the credits roll and they are joined by Uncle Deadly, Robin and Mary Louise (still in their trick-or-treat costumes), Gonzo and the raven.
BALCONY:
Statler: That’s one!
Waldorf: One horrible show!
They both laugh
It’s the Muppet Show with our Special Guest Jamie Lee Curtis
COLD OPENING: DRESSING ROOM
Scooter: Jamie Lee Curtis? Twenty seconds to curtain Ms. Curtis.
Jamie Lee: Thanks Scooter. Say I thought I just heard thunder. Is it raining outside?
Scooter: No that was our other guest for tonight.
Jamie Lee: Two guest stars?
(Count Von Count enters the room)
Count: That’s two! Two special guests! Ah ha ha. (Thunder f/x)
Jamie: I see.
Scooter: Hey Count you better get ready. It’s fifteen seconds to curtain!
Count: Ah ha! Fifteen seconds! Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven,….
(Count continues to count down when he hits one cut to-)
OPENING THEME:
(There are pumpkins sitting in front of Statler and Waldorf)
Statler: Are we supposed to carve these or throw them at the stage?
Gonzo’s horn howls like a werewolf
INTRO:
Kermit enters dressed as a vampire and speaks with a Transylvanian accent informing the audience that tonight’s show will have a Halloween theme including the two special guests, Hollywood’s scream queen and star of the movie Halloween Jamie Lee Curtis, and an old friend from Sesame Street Count Von Count.
Kermit: So we should have one terrific show tonight…
Count: (enters) Ah ha, that’s one! One terrific show!
Kermit reminds Count that he’s in the opening number so he needs to stop counting and get ready. Count goes back through the curtain but pauses to say:
Count: By the way Kermit, that’s one.
Kermit: One what?
Count: One bad accent! Ah ha ah!
Kermit: (Scrunches face and speaks normal) Ladies and gentlemen the opening number.
OPENING NUMBER: “THE MONSTER MASH”
The scene is a twisted version of Muppet Labs. In a rare musical appearance Bunsen sings backed up by a montage of monsters including Mulch as the creature mentioned in the first verse and Count Von Count as Dracula (“Whatever happened to my Transylvania Twist?”) Bunsen’s having fun but poor Beaker’s scared out of his wits.
BALCONY:
Waldorf: Well the monsters seemed to be having a good time.
Statler: At least someone is tonight!
BACKSTAGE:
Count counts the monsters as they come off stage. Kermit tells him to get ready because he’s in the next scene as well. (“That’s two! Two scene’s in a row!”) Sam tells Kermit that he is appalled by the weird scary theme for tonight’s show. Kermit gets on his good side by telling him the next scene is from a classic piece of literature and also a tribute to a great actor.
CURTAIN:
Kermit introduces Jamie Lee Curtis and the Muppets’ tribute to Bella Lugosi.
SKIT: DRACULA SKETCH:
Jamie Lee Curtis is Mina Harper, and Count Von Count is Dracula. At least he’s supposed to be but he’s more interested in counting Mina/Jamie Lee’s things than in biting her. Rowlf enters playing Dr. Van Helsing and “Dracula” starts counting the various vampire slaying tools he’s brought. He takes so long the sun comes up and he has to flee.
BALCONY:
Statler thinks the sketch was a terrible way to honor the late great actor but then Waldorf reminds him of all the Ed Wood films Bella Lugosi did.
BACKSTAGE:
Count is still counting everything in site and it’s starting to get on everyone’s nerves. Kermit meanwhile has to deal with Sam who was not pleased by the Dracula skit. Kermit promises to have a poetry reading later.
PIGS IN SPACE:
Creepy things are going on aboard the Swine Trek. Ghosts float through, the lights go on and off and then there’s the sound of footsteps and banging that grows louder and louder until suddenly there’s pounding at the door. Forced to act brave Link opens it only to find it’s Robin and Mary Louise in costumes trick-or treating. After they leave everyone calms down and there’s another knock at the door. Piggy calmly opens it but this time it’s Behemoth and he eats her.
BALCONY:
Statler tells Waldorf a story of how he lived in a haunted house. He finally got rid of the ghost because he was better at booing.
UK SPOT: SONG: “WEREWOLVES OF LONDON”
A Whatnot Muppet sings as he slowly grows hair, claws and fangs. By the end of the song he has turned into a werewolf.
DRESSING ROOM:
Jamie Lee complains that the constant thunder from Count’s counting is giving her a headache. Kermit asks him to keep it down when there’s a crash of thunder without Count doing it. It has started to rain outside. Count runs out to count the raindrops.
Kermit: Well at least that’ll keep him busy for a while.
Uncle Deadly then stops by as a fan of Jamie’s work particularly her gift for delivering the perfect scream. He asks for a demonstration but Jamie explains she needs motivation. Deadly invites some “friends” in and gives her all the motivation she needs.
MUPPET NEWS:
Newsman: Reports are coming in that a unknown group of practical jokers are stealing jack-o-lanterns and then hurling them at innocent people.
A barrage of pumpkins pelts the newsman.
BACKSTAGE:
Sam is determined to get some quality entertainment on tonight and brings in Wayne and Wanda. Kermit refuses to let them go on reminding everyone that her fired them since they are horrible. Sam declares that there is only one way they will not be performing tonight. Then Gorgon Heap walks up and devours Wanda.
Sam: …And that was it.
SWEDISH CHEF:
Jamie Lee is helping the chef to prepare various homemade treats for trick-or-treaters. (Candy apples, popcorn balls, ect.) but monsters (Gorgon Heap, Luncheon Counter monster…) keep coming in and eating them all. Finally Big Mamma shows up but they have run out of treats. So Big Mamma grabs Jamie Lee and starts to eat her.
BALCONY:
Statler and Waldorf discuss various, and increasingly disturbing, ways to get rid of trick-or-treaters.
BACKSTAGE:
Jamie has managed to get away from Big Mamma and goes to get ready for the closing number. Sam reminds Kermit that he promised a poetry reading. Kermit tells him it’s up next and he relaxes but then panics when Kermit calls for Gonzo to go onstage.
SKIT: “THE RAVEN”:
Sam doesn’t need to panic because although it is Gonzo performing with a Muppet bird he does recite Edgar Allen Poe’s poem the way it’s supposed to be done.
BALCONY:
Waldorf: I’ll be, they did it right.
Statler: How often you think that’s going to happen?
Both: NEVERMORE!
INTRO:
Kermit: Once again Ms. Jamie Lee Curtis and Count Von Count.
CLOSING NUMBER: “THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC”
In a Transylvania castle setting Jamie sings while the Count performs vampire style magic.
GOODNIGHTS:
Kermit thanks both guests and asks if they had a good time. Jamie gives a simple yes however…
Count: How did I enjoy myself? Let me count the ways!
Kermit: (Scrunches face) Sheesh! Happy Halloween everyone will see you next time on the Muppet Show!
Count continues to count as the credits roll and they are joined by Uncle Deadly, Robin and Mary Louise (still in their trick-or-treat costumes), Gonzo and the raven.
BALCONY:
Statler: That’s one!
Waldorf: One horrible show!
They both laugh
