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TMS outline- Tennessee Ernie Ford!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Gorgon Heap, Sep 11, 2005.

  1. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Ford was a radio and television personality and country and gospel singer, most famous for the song "Sixteen Tons". Submitted for your approval:

    "It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star Mr. Tennessee Ernie Ford!"


    SPECIAL GUEST STAR: TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD September 12, 2005

    STYLE: MID-SEASON ONE (circa Charles Aznavour)

    OPENING THEME:
    FOZZIE: "My agent is so short, he has his suits tailored at a doll shop."
    TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD: in the Talk Spot set with Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Hilda, Rowlf, and Animal
    GONZO: hits the 'O' with a loaf of French bread

    CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

    Kermit: "Welcome one and all to another edition of The Muppet Show. Tonight should be a great one because our guest star is that great singer Tennessee Ernie Ford. Why tonight, even Statler and Waldorf should have a good time."

    Statler: "Don't bet on it, frog!"

    Waldorf: "Great, wonderful!"

    Statler: "What?"

    Waldorf: "Oh Statler, why didn't you tell me that Edgar Bergen was on the show tonight? He's really killing 'em! I can't see him very well, but he sounds great."

    Statler: "That's not Edgar Bergen, that's the frog! Something must be wrong with your hearing aid."

    Waldorf: "Oh, they just announced the call letters. I must be picking up a local radio broadcast."

    Statler: "Hmmph! You'll miss the show."
    (Pause)
    "Here, lean in closer, will ya?"

    (They both lean inward. Statler puts his ear up to Waldorf's hearing aid.)

    Kermit: "Will you two hold it down up there? Anyway, right now let's start the music, bring up the spotlight and get things rolling on The Muppet Show!"

    OPENING NUMBER: "Two Faces Have I"- a teenage boy Muppet (voiced by Jerry Nelson) sings in front of his bedroom mirror (bedroom decked out with 50's teen memorabilia), while his 'other face' (a monstrous head, voice of Frank Oz) mugs to the camera while hiding from the boy. When the boy catches on and sees the other face, the other face joins in and they finish the song together.

    BACKSTAGE: Fozzie is super-confident that his act will be a hit.

    SONG: "Sixteen Tons"- Tennessee Ernie sings in a mine set with miners (Whatnots, Boppity, and Droop).

    Waldorf: "Ah, it's too bad you can't hear the radio programs my hearing aid has picked up. They just played Tennessee Ernie Ford's rendition of "Sixteen Tons"."

    Statler: "You old fool, that wasn't a radio. That was Tennessee Ernie Ford on stage!"

    Waldorf: "I just told you, he didn't sing "Rock of Ages", it was "Sixteen Tons"! Have you been listening to a word I've said?"

    Statler: "... I quit."

    CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

    Kermit: "And now, we're proud to present our resident comic and ursine, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Fozzie Bear!"

    FOZZIE'S MONOLOGUE: Waldorf laughs throughout Fozzie's monologue, to Fozzie's delight, but what he doesn't know is that Waldorf is actually listening to "Fibber McGee and Molly" on his radio/hearing aid.

    BACKSTAGE: Fozzie is full of himself after 'cracking up the old heckler' with his monologue.

    Kermit: "I get the feeling this is going to make him unBEARable." (He grimaces.)

    AT THE DANCE-

    Mildred: "George, what's your take on current affairs?"

    George: "How can I talk about affairs? I'm not even married!"

    (New shot of Piggy with brown-haired male pig)

    Male Pig: "You know, you've really got my senses all in a whirl."

    Piggy: "Oh, you mean my beauty is leaving you intoxicated?"

    Male Pig: "No, your perfume is making me nauseous."

    (New shot of Zoot & Janice)

    Janice: "Do you ever feel like leaving all this behind?"

    Zoot: "Oh, don't talk like that, baby! You ain't got that much baggage south of the border!"

    (Zoot nods, satisfied. New shot of Shouting Lady and the guy with the mustache)

    Shouting Lady: "So I've been getting a lot of complaints from my neighbors lately! They said I woke them up at 6 in the morning!"

    Mustached Man: "Eh, what were you doing?"

    Shouting Lady: "Just singing in the shower!"

    (New shot of Animal and 'Sexy Muppet'.)

    Sexy Muppet: "Do you like to swim, Animal?"

    Animal: "OH, YEARR!"

    Sexy Muppet: "I sure like to go for a dip."

    Animal: "OH, AWR RIGHT! Two, three, DIP!"

    (WHUMP! He dips her against the floor.)

    UK SPOT: "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose"- Rowlf sings and plays the piano, with the backing of the 'bird of paradise' (OhBoy Bird)

    SONG: "Milk 'Em in the Morning Blues"- Ernie, as a farmer, sings in a barnyard setting while trying to milk the cow (the Richard Hunt Gladys-esque cow)

    Statler: "What are you listening to now?"

    Waldorf: "Commercial. It's for weatherstripping."

    Statler: "Is it interesting?"

    Waldorf: "No."

    Statler: "You wanna take a break and watch the show for a bit?"

    Waldorf: "I'll pass."

    VETS HOSPITAL- Beautiful Day Monster is the patient; he needs an expensive operation but can't afford it, so he continually asks Dr. Bob "You got anything CHEAPER?"

    Dr. Bob: "You don't seem to understand. This is a necessary operation. It's a matter of life and death."

    BD: "I get that part, but have you got anything cheaper?"

    Dr. Bob: "Listen, don't you have any insurance?"

    BD: "Oh yes. I'm insured by Corny's Driveway Paving and Medical Insurance Company."

    Dr. Bob: "Will they pay for the operation?"

    BD: "Yes, but only if I've been run over by farm equipment in my living room between 3:00 and 3:30 p.m. in the afternoon on Memorial Day."

    Dr. Bob: "Goodness, did all of that actually happen to you?"

    BD: "No, I was five minutes late."

    Dr. Bob: "Well, you're still going to need this operation."

    BD: "You got anything cheaper?"

    Dr. Bob: "Well, I can use a cheaper anesthetic, that'll take it down to $450."

    BD: "You got anything cheaper?"

    Dr. Bob: "I can use my cheapest anesthetic and knock it down to $400. Hand me the anesthetic."

    Piggy: "Anesthetic doctor."

    (She hands him a mallet.)

    BD: "Got anything cheaper?"

    Dr. Bob: "Well, if we do it without anesthetic, I can knock off five bucks."

    BD: "Good."

    Dr. Bob: "No good, I have to add $5 back in for earplugs."

    BD: "What you need earplugs for?"

    Dr. Bob: "We operate on you with no anesthetic, you'll find out?"

    BD: "No. You got anything cheaper?"

    Dr. Bob: "... Well, we could delay the effects with some strong meds, probably run you about $20."

    Janice: "But, Dr. Bob, won't he still need the operation eventually?"

    Dr. Bob: "Yes, but it buys me time to get an office that this guy won't find."

    (BD nods.)

    Announcer: "And so Dr. Bob has prescribed procrastination to his pauper patient. Tune in next week when you'll hear the monster say-"

    BD: "You got anything cheaper?"

    Dr. Bob: "... Why don't you just have an apple a day so I can keep myself away?"

    BACKSTAGE: Fozzie is gloating about how well his monologue went, and Kermit reluctantly tries to explain why Waldorf was really laughing. But he doesn't have the heart to do it.

    WAYNE & WANDA- "On the Street Where You Live"- Wayne sings to Wanda, who is at her window, but gets run over by a car

    BACKSTAGE: Kermit resolves to tell Fozzie the truth about his monologue. Only just as he's about to, Fozzie tells a joke and it's actually funny, to the point that Kermit laughs.

    Fozzie: "So what was it you wanted to tell me?"

    Kermit: "Just that, uh, out of all the bears I've ever met, you're the only one who's a comedian."

    Fozzie: "Oh, THANK YOU Kermit!"

    Kermit: "Sometimes ignorance is truly bliss."

    CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

    Kermit: "And now once again, this time with backed by the Muppet Tabernacle Choir, is our very special guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Tennessee Ernie Ford."

    CLOSING NUMBER: "Amazing Grace"- Tennessee Ernie sings in a tabernacle with the Muppet Tabernacle Choir (Piggy, Mildred, Hilda, Zoot, Gonzo, Scooter, Boppity, Gloat, Droop, 3 Whatnots)

    GOODNIGHTS: Kermit stands in front of the curtain.

    Kermit: "Well that about puts the lid on it for this week, but before we go, let's have a warm round of applause for Mr. Tennessee Ernie Ford!"

    (Ernie enters.)

    Ernie: "Thank you, Kermit. It's been great doing this show. I've had a wonderful time and I've made a lot of new friends."

    Kermit: "Oh? Like who?"

    (The cow enters.)

    Ernie: "Like this little gal, for instance! Guess you could say I've had a mooooving experience!"

    Kermit: "That's our kind of joke, Ernie. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!"

    (Tennessee Ernie, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Hilda, the Cow, and OhBoy Bird gather around.)

    Statler: "So, you think you'll be getting a new hearing aid?"

    Waldorf: "Why? I can come here each week and not watch the show!"

    Statler: "In that case, I'LL get a new hearing aid!"

    (S & W laugh.)


    Comments welcome as always.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  2. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    I gotta give credit where it's due to JediX for his hearing aid/radio idea.

    Song clip links and lyrics:

    Muppet Show opening & closing theme:
    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...3/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/103-1351536-3784663

    “Two Faces Have I”-
    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_7/103-1351536-3784663?v=glance&s=music

    Tennessee Ernie-
    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...0/sr=2-7/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_7/103-1351536-3784663

    “May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose”-
    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...36-3784663?v=glance&s=music&vi=samples#disc_1

    One fine day as I was walkin' down the street
    Met a beggar man with rags upon his feet
    Took a penny from my pocket,
    In his tin cup I did drop it
    And I heard him say as I made my retreat.

    CHORUS: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
    May an elephant caress you with his toes.
    May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose.
    May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.

    I was way behind one day to catch a train
    Taxi driver, "said we'll make it just the same"
    But a speed cop made it with us
    And as he wrote out the ticket
    I stood by politely waitin' for my change.

    CHORUS

    Well, my laundry man is really on his toes
    Found a hundred dollar bill among my clothes
    When he called me, I came runnin'
    Gave him back his dime for phonin'
    And I heard him sayin' as I turned to go.

    CHORUS

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  3. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    Was the Muppet Cow the Gladys-like one even though she's never built until the Twiggy episode? Also, since the Gladys-esque cow was never made, who should replace her with? Gladys, Natalie, etc?

    Also, what other Muppets dance in the background of "At the Dance"?
  4. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    How 'bout a late first season style outline with Eve Plumb. Here's how it goes:

    Fozzie: "Hey, once I saw a giant octopus who was so big and he had a lot of hands to shake."
    Eve Plumb: Shown with Scooter, Gonzo, Fozzie, Hilda, George, Wayne, Wanda, Boppity, and Shakey Sanchez in her finale set.
    Gonzo: Wets himself with a bucket of water.

    Opening Number: Animate Musical Instruments play "Soulful Strut"
    Backstage: Kermit, Scooter, and a Duck
    Song: Eve sings "I Love You In A Song" with Muppy, George, Mildred, Hilda, Brewster, Zelda Rose, and Nigel in a front porch set.
    Backstage: Kermit and Scooter
    Muppet News: Eve as Jan Brady
    At the Dance: Mildred with George, Janice with Zoot, two pigs, Shouting Lady with Herman, and Green Scoff with Beautiful Day Monster
    U.K. Spot: A Jim Henson Muppet sings "Countryside" with a Gladys-esque cow and a pig
    Talk Spot: Kermit and Eve talk about pets (Eve ends up getting a purple dragon for a pet)
    Song: Wayne and Wanda sing "Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain", but a large puddle wave splashes right on Wayne
    Curtain: Gonzo, holding a kite, does a unique version of "Up, Up and Away" with a suprise ending, but the kite gets eaten by Behemoth
    Dressing Room: Eve & Gonzo sing "The Way I Want To Touch You"
    Backstage: Kermit, Scooter, and Hilda
    Sketch: Fozzie's Monologue
    Onstage: Eve can't find her keys to her dressing room so she asks Muppy to find them
    Backstage: Kermit, Beautiful Day Monster, Flower-Eating Monster, Snake Frackle, Miss Kitty, and Boppity
    Final Number: Eve sings "United We Stand" with Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, George, Mildred, Hilda, Baskerville, Shakey Sanchez, Ohboy Bird, and Droop
    Goodnights: Eve, Kermit, Scooter, Hilda, George, Wayne, Gonzo, Shakey Sanchez, and Ohboy Bird
  5. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Oversight on my part. Let's just pretend that the cow was built in advance, it is fiction, after all.

    Rowlf & the Whatnot girl in the pink sweater.

    Who's Eve Plumb? And since you've got the whole thing planned out, why not write the outline yourself? I've seen you post outlines numerous times that are all decided- acts, backstage scenes, opening titles and goodnights and all. They only need a little bit of description to go along with, just a smidgen will do. So then, why not start writing your own outlines and posting them?

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  6. Gorgon Heap, who performed Beautiful Day Monster and OhBoy Bird in this outline?

    Anyway, this is another good outline with humorous parts as usual, such as the fact that you used Beautiful Day Monster's "Got anything cheaper" persona in the Vet's Hospital sketch.
  7. Barry Lee

    Barry Lee Active Member

  8. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    Eve Plumb is the actress who plays Jan Brady in "The Brady Bunch". She also played the Peter and Farley "Fudge" Hatcher's mother in "Fudge", the 1995 Saturday Morning ABC TV series.
  9. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    Richard Hunt played Beautiful Day in Vet's Hospital. Jerry Nelson played OhBoy Bird in the UK Spot. How about adding Boppity and Zelda Rose dancing in the background of "At the Dance"?
  10. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Hunt played BD Monster AND OhBoy Bird.

    And TSF, seriously, you should flesh out the basic outline that you posted in this thread. LMK if I can be of any help.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  11. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    All right, then... How about doing an early first season style (circa Ruth Buzzi, Rita Moreno) outline with Charro? Scooter and Gonzo should not be contained, and during the opening theme, a clip of Charro would be shown in the Talk Spot set with Gloat, Boppity, Beautiful Day Monster, and Miss Kitty.
  12. Barry Lee

    Barry Lee Active Member

    Do you get the point? It is HIS outlines not yours! He is saying since you have all the ideas YOU make some. :rolleyes:
  13. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    Okay, then... How about a mid-first season style (circa Avery Schreiber) outline with Nipsey Russel?
  14. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    TotallySpiesFan,

    Try reading the responses before you post another one. I've got lots of outlines I'm working on already, more than I can count off the top of my head. I don't need the backlog to get bigger.

    Consequently, it sounds like you've got plenty of ideas of your own. Why, then, do you insist on ME doing them when they are YOUR ideas? What would I have to offer to, say, your Eve Plumb outline, when you're already (holds up fingers) this close to having it finished on your own? I say go for it. You've got the creativity, and like I said, if you need me as a resource, I'll be glad to help. I've just got more outlines in the works right now than I can handle as it is. And trust me, giving away ideas isn't as much fun as it might sound.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  15. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    I know you're still working on outlines starring these guests: Buddy Hackett, Leon Redbone, and John Ritter, and you're working on either an outline or a script starring Cass Elliot.
  16. Princeton

    Princeton Guest

    Another great one, as usual. Loved the AtD joke about "baggage south of the border"! W&W was great, too. Also, great use of Shouting Lady!

    One qualm, though: I didn't care too much for the resolution. Why didn't Kermit tell Fozzie about why Waldorf was laughing? Kermit and Fozzie seemed to be good enough friends to be honest with each other. That just kinda left me hanging.
  17. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Glad that joke actually made sense!

    Mainly b/c I was in a hurry to finish it and I couldn't come up with a better one.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  18. Do any other muppets appear in this number?
  19. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan New Member

    Some chickens.
  20. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Active Member

    Originally I was gonna say no, but on 2nd thought, I like TSF's idea of background chickens (maybe just a couple, ignoring the precedings).

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole


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