Eight Ball Rhumba

[WebMistressGina]

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Whew. What a dynamo of chapters to sift through...

Okay, your portrayal of the characters feels right, which can be tricky if you haven't had much familiarity with some of them, but Rizzo's trademark greed (see his namesake in Midnight Cowboy for favorable comparison) came shining...er...well, dimly gleaming through, as it were. Good job all around! Loved Link's "nightly cry." (I imagine his tailor loves the hankie-drycleaning business.) Loved Rowlf tickling another kind of ivory. And the betting pool turned askew by unpredictable Muppets!

YAY! The one thing I of course worry about when starting up with a new fandom, especially with something I haven't seen in so long (despite owning 6 out of 7 Muppet movies, I think the last time I saw one was years ago) is whether I can do the characters justice.

Glad that I could bring Rizzo across decently. He's one of those characters I worry about cause he's a secondary main character whom I haven't seen a lot of; add that with the fact that I hadn't realized he was an original Muppet Show character (unlike Clifford or Pepe).

I don't know why, but Link makes me laugh. He's kinda like a really dumb, jockier version of Maxwell Smart. I think I'm gonna be using Link more. TMTM was on yesterday and I managed to catch it right at Baby Piggy's song - Baby Rowlf cracks me up every time, cause he's so cute and so involved in his piano playing. That's the reason that movie was my favorite Muppet movie as a kid (it's been moved down to #3 though)

Gonzo's act had me in stitches (as I'm sure they often do him)...and your puns for Vet's Hospital were dead-on.

Ya might say, they lined up just fine.

Out of both of those, you know the easiest was coming up with Gonzo's act? I already knew it was going to be completely outrageous, so planning it was easy, though I wish I had done more script singing (which I also found to be hilarious when I wrote it).

I spent like an hour trying to find puns or jokes related to pool, but the majority were all about balls, which - while punny sorta - didn't really ring as something that Vet's Hospital would aspire to, so I actually think that's my weakest act there.

However...I had the best idea last night. It all started with the statement that I was going to make Kermit as paranoid as possible when it came to working with those three. Because I have seriously come to the conclusion that the Muppet Show is just the puppet version of the Carol Burnett show, complete with ad-libbing like no one's business (looking at you, Vet's Hospital)

I'm hoping to make it up with the next Vet's Hospital.

Piggy would of course throw her considerable influence, style, and no-nonsense attitude into "advising" poor Scooter...good for him, though. Always good to have her on one's side...rather than on one's head. And your description of the first time it's happened to the boy was sweet and didn't ring falsely as so many first-crush stories tend to -- yayy!

Piggy's stuff with Scooter is also some of the easiest to do. The scene in the canteen and her doing him a favor were the first ideas I came up with and it made sense that, really regardless of who it was, Piggy would take a vested interest, but with Scooter it's a definite.

The other night, I was thinking that the Muppets kinda had that band life/Rat Pack feel (you can Sam's Song for the Rat Pack thing). Like, when I was in high school, those who weren't freshman (usually the upper classmen) had our own 'freshmen' - those kids who were new to high school or to band and we just took them under our wing to make sure that we were the only ones who picked on them.

But I've the sense that the show was like that too - essentially, Kermit took a bunch of folks under his flipper, so to speak, and helped mold and shape them, and I think that's what happened to Scooter. He was a freshmen (14) when he started working there and in watching the first season where he is kinda annoying and bratty in getting his way because of his uncle, looking at him now, it's like 'whoa'.

Which is also why I think Piggy likes him; he probably reminds her of herself and she's certainly grown from the um...piglet she was.

Incidentally...is Amanda perhaps the granddaughter of another Cosgrove made briefly imfamous on TMS? I refer of course to the News Flash on a certain flagpole-sitting record-breaker...

Uh...I think it's safe to say no, cause I'm not sure who that is. I just happen to like the name Cosgrove, probably cause of the character from Freakazoid and I love Ed Asner.

One small niggle: a "swan song" is NOT triumphant, it's sung by the loser, referencing the old myth about a swan singing as it dies...then again, that actually fits Link better, so let it lie!

Curious what mishaps, mayhem, and monsters-eating-pool-cues may transpire next. Keep going!
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You know what, that was my bad, but in this case it actually works because Link would probably think it was something good. That was stupidity working right!

I finally got started on the next chapter. What, you may ask, kept me from starting earlier? Well, first I got "Sam's Song" stuck in my head. Now, the good thing about that is, I discovered a really good Dean Martin/Sammy Davis, Jr version of it and...I'm gonna bring it back.

Second, for the second time, I managed to get Lady Gaga's Bad Romance stuck in my head. That actually replaced Sam's Song. And it wasn't even the original one; it was the **** Chipmunk/Chipette version. So guess what? I spent a day and half listening to it. And what, you may ask, came of that?

First and foremost, a really awesome dance number and the commitment of working it and/or Lady Gaga in a Muppet Show segment. It's gonna happen. When, I don't know, but it now needs to happen.

Up next on 8 Ball -
The Wild World of Muppet Sports!
Piggy, Rowlf, Floyd, and Janice at the bar!
The Electric Mayhem!
Muppet Labs!
Beaker!
And why Kermit should never leave Piggy and Rowlf to their own devices away from the theater.

 

[WebMistressGina]

You know, I just had a question of clarification.

When reading the Muppet Wiki involving Floyd, it seems to make out that he takes particular delight in tormenting Piggy, which kinda seems to be a mutual thing between them. Other than the episodes where he's taking care of Foo Foo and when she leaves, I haven't seen anything that suggest that the two have some sort of rivalry.

With that said, I certainly like the idea that the two of them love to hate each other (kinda like their version of Statler & Waldorf vs Fozzie). The term of Boss Hog (which I think I came up with?) I attribute to Floyd (though obviously, its made it's way around) cause I think that would be something he would do.

I don't think they outwardly hate each other, but they kinda have a similar relationship that my friends and I do - one moment we're insulting each other, the next we're laughing and giving each other presents.

Just wanted to clarify it. And yes, Piggy and Floyd will even have their own story together.

 

[WebMistressGina]

Hiya hiya hiya! as the bear would say. So sorry for the lateness of this chapter; it has been written up and ready to go, but like a certain Broadway play, I kept thinking it was missing something. And today, during a nap, it came to me that yes! It was missing something and I have filled in that something!

Be prepared for a little sprinkling of 'spot the reference' and a really bad pun.

So now, without further ado -

Chapter X​

“Hello sports fans! This is Louis Kazagger, welcoming you to Wild World of Muppet Sports. This night finds us at the Cosgrove Cool Pool establishment for the seventh annual pool tournament, where several of your favorite Muppet Show actors and actresses have advanced to this, the second round!”

The live broadcast, presented by the Wild World of Muppet Sports, had set up a table near the front of the establishment, where many of the fans and spectators had set themselves up to watch the competition.

Louis Kazagger, long time correspondent for Muppet Sports, sat at a wooden table that overlooked the pool tables, doing commentary in regards to the participants. “Tonight’s second round looks to be even more exciting than that of the first!” his nasally voice exclaimed. For the home viewers – or those who were watching the event on television anywhere they could – immediately saw the pictures of all those who had made their way to the second round.

“The tournament starts off with the doubles match between Rowlf the Dog and Miss Piggy against their Muppet Show co-stars Sgt. Floyd Pepper and Janice of the Electric Mayhem!”

Several different video images were shown of the first round game between Rowlf and Piggy versus Pete Gartner and Mika Immonen.

“Miss Piggy and Rowlf took a surprise lead by beating out champions Pete Gartner and Mika Immonen; the question on everyone’s mind is will they be able to continue the streak by beating out Pepper and Janice?”
The next images were that of the game between Floyd and Janice versus that of Chris and Janey.

“Sgt. Pepper and Janice played much in the same way,” Kazagger stated. “Easily eliminating their competition to advance to the second round.”

Another set of images showed that of a human woman with blond hair playing alongside a rather tall, blue and green Frackle with a monocle over his right eye. “Our second doubles match consists of woman’s champion Allison Fisher and her partner Louvus taking on Big Tony Little and his son Little Tony.”

Both Littles were two rather large and beefy human males, who seemed to have a pair of shades attached to the eyes because they never removed them, even at night. They were also nicely dressed in three piece suits and seemed to continually look over their shoulders as though expecting something or someone.

“In the singles competition,” Kazagger continued. “Is Andy Schweeb playing against surprise first round winner, Fozzie Bear.”

The next images were of Schweeb’s quick win over Link Hogthrob and Fozzie’s unexpectant win against that of Dr. Teeth. The images after that were of a small brown and white beagle with a black circle around her left eye and that of Gonzo’s performance art play style.

“And lastly, the match that puts local favorite Audra Smalls against Gonzo the Great; this match will ultimately decide if the Great Gonzo can pull off another win without distracting his partner by his performance. Stay tuned as the seventh annual Cosgrove Cool Pool tournament gets underway!”

​

The crowd was a lot larger than Kermit expected, but he was happy to see that even those who had come out to watch the tournament were happy to have the crew there as well. The Muppet leader had been hard pressed to keep the group the size he did, thankfully owing to the fact that there was a show this weekend which help to keep the others’ minds occupied while he could come down here. Unfortunately, because it was the weekend of a show, he would only be able to see this round and wouldn’t know about the winners unless Piggy or Scooter told him Sunday.

For a pool hall in a non-descript part of Hollywood, Cosgrove’s was a very nice establishment; not overly large, but not a small are either. Kermit didn’t make a point to hang out in pool halls or bars for that matter – unless a meeting designated it – so the frog had sometimes framed his approaches to these things from his experience in El Sleezo’s, the bar where he had met Fozzie.

The building was split into two areas, one for those who were playing pool and other games, as well as sitting and drinking at the bar, while the second area to the right was designated for those who were coming to get a quick bite to eat or watching a sports game on the in wall televisions.

Each was well lit, with large hanging lamps draped from the ceiling; the pool hall area had several pool tables set up, but also a variety of different games and activities, like a foosball table and several different arcade machines.

“Hey, you made it!”

Amanda waved as she came over to greet the group, spotting Scooter immediately. Dressed in a green blouse and dark pants, she looked lovelier than before and Scooter’s heart couldn’t help but beat a little faster. “My Dad can’t thank you guys enough for doing a couple of autographs while you’re here,” she continued, nodding her head to a table that was set up further down from that of Muppet Sports commentator Louis Kazagger.

“Think nothing of it,” Scooter’s brain offered. “This is a good cause, it’s a fun game, with fun people; I couldn’t imagine not being a part of this. Of course, present company probably has something to do with that.”

What Scooter’s mouth said, “Uh…” while at the same time, the pilots in his brain announced they were going down in flames.

“Don’t mention it,” Kermit said, smiling. He had tried to save his assistant while on the bus, but the wall of lollygaggers was too thick to try and penetrate; and besides, the boy was with Piggy, which was about two parts good and four parts trouble. At least now, he could try to be helpful here. “We’re happy to come, aren’t we, Scooter?”

With what remained of his rational thoughts, the signal went out from his brain to that of his head and mouth – the commands were to move the head in a motion of agreement, while the mouth was told to shut it. Scooter nodded happily.

“Well,” Amanda replied. “It’s still nice. And you look great, by the way.” That, while meaning to include everyone in the statement, was clearly addressed to the stage manager before her.

“This old thing?” the go-fer managed to sputter. It had meant to be a brush off on his attire, but then Scooter didn’t want her to think that he had just picked some clothes off the floor or the street or something. “Not that it’s old,” he amended. “I mean, I didn’t pick it off the street or something. Because I certainly don’t do that. But there certainly isn’t anything wrong with that if you do. Not that you do, of course, because I can see you clearly don’t; not that I’m making assumptions about you, because I’m not and you know what they say about assuming.

“Which is to say that I’m not saying anything about assuming in your direction, because I’m certainly not implying…anything…of the sort, which would be completely rude and utterly uncalled for and…”

In the few minutes before Scooter’s brain decided to get up and leave his head, taking every and any coherent thought with it, came the fleeting thought that he couldn’t remember the last time he had babbled like idiot.

Which was the exact same thought that went through his companions’ minds as well.

Maybe it was because, while hilarious in hindsight this would be at a later date, they liked him so much and they wanted him to be happy and that he was normally so unflappable in any other situation, the Muppets around him decided to put him out of his misery.

By giving him a none too subtle, nor gentle jab to his kidney by a very amused Piggy. “What Scooter means is that you look darling, dear.”

“Yes,” Scooter groaned. “That’s exactly what I meant.”

Hearing her name being called from across the room, the Whatnot waved to the person before turning back to the group. Letting a hand trail down Scooter’s jacket lapel, she turned with a lasting smile before heading over to her caller. The seconds hung in the air and just by feeling alone, Scooter knew the group had taken a breath in order to start a conversation.

“The first person to say something gets a fist in the face.”

Again, as one, the group deflated from making comments.

“Spoilsport,” muttered Floyd, as he and the others went to get ready for their matches or to hang out and watch.

​

Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo had found an unoccupied booth that actually placed them pretty much in the front of the action. It helped that some booths had been roped off for the fact that the players would want to sit down, drink, or eat either while playing or watching the other matches. It gave the frog, bear, and whatever a good view of the proceedings, while also giving Kermit a good overall view point on all the Muppets who had come.

Perhaps it was born from his childhood of trying to keep an eye on thousands of brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews or maybe it was from years of trying to corral some of the most talented and unruly people in the universe, but Kermit almost always tried to seat himself where he could watch what was going on, while keeping an eye on people.

From his vantage point, he could easily see the pool table that was to the right of their table – the one where the competition would be taking place – while being able to see the small stage that occupied a portion of the pool and bar area; he could also see a portion of the bar, where Dr. Teeth was making a drink order, as well as the cozy table that was set apart from the rest of the group that currently held Scooter and Amanda.

Had it really been years since Scooter had walked through the stage door of the Muppet Show? At the time, Kermit had thought him an annoying kid, sent by the theater’s owner to keep a watchful eye on the rambunctious group that was leasing the building. Truth be told, the frog had no idea that he would come to depend on the kid as much as he did; he didn’t even think he would last more than a week, much less decades later.

Scooter’s not really a kid anymore, is he? came the thought. While his exuberance and happy go lucky attitude hadn’t changed, Scooter Grosse certainly wasn’t the same teenager that Kermit met all those years ago. He was a lot more confident, especially when it came to dealing with co-stars, guest stars, and backstage antics; he had always been technically minded, but there had been a talented individual underneath, someone who enjoyed the lights as much as the rest of them did.

There were times Kermit wondered what Scooter would’ve done if his uncle hadn’t placed him with the Muppet Show. Would he have still gone on to work with Google? Or would he have taken over the businesses that his uncle owned? He didn’t know; in fact, when they had done their version of It’s A Wonderful Life, the majority of suggestions for what a world without Kermit would look like had been thrown out, off the cuff, and some of them had been pretty wild and outrageous.

Oh, Gonzo’s and Piggy’s were actually very close to home (not that he would share that with anyone), but when Scooter suggested he’d probably be a go-go dancer in one of his uncle’s clubs, no one had really thought anything of it.

Now of course, the frog couldn’t help but wonder; he always had the sense that Scooter seemed much more at home with them than with his uncle, that maybe they loved the young Muppet more than the businessman did. It was a silly notion and Kermit had never been one to pry and Scooter hadn’t been one to offer up any problems (at least, not as a teenager), but sometimes the frog wondered if things were okay or if it was just the Muppet being a teenager.

The frog’s gaze lingered a little longer on the duo before turning back to watch the set up being done for the first of the night’s matches.

Being backstage, he hadn’t the opportunity to watch how the matches went, though he had tried to watch Piggy and Rowlf play, but as what always happens when running both the show on stage and off, a problem with one of the acts occurred and needed to hurriedly be replaced. He had of course heard about how the odds had not been in any of their favors to make it past the first round, so being able to boast that six of their number had not only made it past the first round and onto the second, but it looked like at least two of them would hit the third and final round.

Though he hadn’t seen anyone actively play, he knew instinctively that the doubles match between Rowlf, Piggy, Floyd, and Janice was going to be a good one. Pool skills aside, all four were friends – if ‘friend’ was the appropriate to describe whatever Piggy and Floyd had – and were evenly matched in their teams. Rowlf had always been the perfect laidback straight man, from Fozzie to that of the funniest of guest starring comedians. Piggy was his perfect foil to test his patience and they always managed to rise to the occasion (Vet’s Hospital not withstanding).

Piggy, for all her grandstanding and diva status, could hold her own with anyone thanks to that brain she had under all of that glamour.

Oh, the pig was highly intelligent when she wanted to be; that was one of the reason Kermit took her with him whenever he had to meet with movie or television backers and producers for business meetings (and why he tried avoiding having them with her by himself). While she sat there, batting her eyes and laying down sugar so thick it was ready made molasses, she was negotiating herself and the rest of them better positioning power.

The execs would be so enamored with her, the full weight of what they had agreed to wouldn’t even register until long after they left or right when they were calling in those bargaining chips.

Sometimes, Kermit brought her along just to watch her work.

Piggy could analyze the smallest detail from miles away and when she put that skill into something that didn’t require some sort of star treatment, watch out! And with Rowlf’s easygoing manner, the frog knew the brown dog would keep a leash on his partner until the very last minute.

Floyd and Janice, on the other hand, were totally mellow, much like the rest of the Electric Mayhem. Despite any perceived animosity between that of Floyd and Piggy, the two did like each other (he hoped!) and he figured that the two groups would definitely have fun.

“Hey Miss Hamhocks, don’t go chopping people when you lose tonight. The owner’s gotta stay in business, you know?”

“Well, he won’t stay in business long if he keeps letting people like you in. I didn’t know beatniks were allowed to socialize with the rest of us.”

Yep, Kermit thought as he put a hand over his face in embarrassment. Good clean fun.

​

Seated behind the crowd somewhat were Amanda and Scooter. Amanda often liked to seat behind the rest of the patrons, especially during competitions, as it gave her a chance to go over the administrative aspects for her father, without having to miss the excitement that went on throughout the bar. She always sat at the same place if she could, a little two seat table that allowed her to watch the entire back room where the pool tables and games were; this allowed for her father to sometimes work the bar, which gave him the advantage of seeing both rooms at relatively the same time.

The turnout for the tournament was huge – she was smart enough to realize that it was the celebrity names attached to the program that gave them the most business, but she could spot a couple of the regulars who had brought along their friends as well. While she was sure that the top names in both men’s and women’s championship pool had of course drawn people in, Amanda was convinced everyone else was there for the Muppets.

They must’ve struck gold to have the page, assistant, and co-star of both TV and movies walk into their place of business and ask if they needed any help with their tournament. The publicity had gotten her father to consider it, but for her the agreement had been supported by the cute yellow Muppet that had offered it. Oh, you had to have been living in a cave not to know who the Muppets were, but she had to admit that she almost didn’t recognized Scooter until she had purposefully ogne back and watch every Muppet incarnation she could.

But even without the knowledge of who his legendary friends were, Amanda Cosgrove had found Scooter Grosse to be an attractive, funny, and intelligent man. She had been surprised to learn that some of his absences from the big screen were due to his being in college at the time and then landing a gig at search engine giant Google and then being at a TED Talk conference. With all of that, she couldn’t help but ask why he would return to the role as the assistant to a frog and a large cast of zany characters.

“It’s someplace I’m supposed to be,” he had answered.

She guessed she could understand that; after all, she had her own degree in business management which had opened a lot of doors and offered up a lot of opportunities, but she felt that her time would be better spent with helping her father run their business. She found she and Scooter had a lot of things in common – they were both only children, both hadn’t known their mothers for very long, they both enjoyed technology, both had gone to college in California, etc. In fact, the more time she spent with Scooter, the more she liked him and the more she wanted to know about him.

And if dating had taught her anything, the more you want to learn about a person, the more you pay attention to the company that they keep.

Being familiar with the Muppets did not prepare her for the actual insanity that could happen when around the Muppets. She had just thought their backstage antics or crazy ideas were something they put in for that week’s script for their movie or show. From their vantage point of the current doubles match between the four Muppet co-stars, Amanda was getting a true sense that the group never needed a spotlight in the first place.

“Do they do that often?” she asked, leaning closer to her table companion. They seemed to be a lot closer now than when they had initially sat, seemingly making excuses to get near one another. Earlier, she had moved her chair closer as an excuse to show him something and then he had ‘oh so casually’ put an arm behind her on the chair in order to get a closer look at some paperwork. Boy, he smelled good!

“Hmm?” Geez, she even smells pretty.

Nodding to where it seemed Floyd and Piggy had picked up steam in their competitive insult championship, she repeated, “Miss Piggy and the Mayhem’s bass player. They seriously have it out for each other.”

“Oh,” Scooter chuckled. “Yeah, they’re usually like that, but they’re friends.” At her look, he said, “Really! We all do it, it’s just they have taken theirs to a…whole new art form, as they say.”

“It kinda does seem strange,” the young Whatnot murmured. “I mean, you hear Miss Piggy state in interviews that she just hangs around you guys cause you’re Kermit’s friends…” she ended the statement with an embarrassed blush. She didn’t want to speak of the diva pig; the starlet knew how to be woman and she knew how to roar.

“Piggy knows how to work a room and everyone in it,” Scooter grinned. “That’s the reason we call her in when we need publicity or money. She tells people what they want to hear and see; she’s basically our marketing department. But when we’re not on…well, it’s Piggy, so she’s always on, but she’s got an off switch, believe me.”

The way he said it – with not only conviction, but emotional context – had her believe it, too. Sure enough, when she turned back to watch the match, there was Piggy and the bass player standing and laughing at something before their insult match was back on.

“Jan and I are so having pork chops for dinner.”

“Keep it up, Pepper, and you’re going to be seasoning my stew later tonight.”

“Whatcha havin’? Frog stew?”

“I’m gonna have beatnik stew if you don’t hurry up and play.”

“Beatnik stew?” Janice giggled. “Never heard that before.”

“Oh I’m sure you could play it,” Rowlf replied.

“Like, rully Rowlfie?”

“Sure,” the brown dog said. “It’s an old New Orleans song from back in day.”

“What?” asked Piggy.

Rowlf looked between the diva and the guitarist and said, “You mean to tell me you haven’t heard of the Basin Street Stews?”

And there was much groaning.

 

[The Count]

Yay. Enjoyed the chapter muchly. Especially liked Scooter's quote from the Rainbow Connection. Also thought the depiction of Kermit having to be where he can keep an eye on everybody from his family—whether froggy or Muppetwise—was extremely touching.

Thanks. More please?

 

[newsmanfan]

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Enjoyable. I like how much detail you're bringing in, examining the relationships between some of the Muppets, particularly Scooter and Piggy and why they've stayed so long with such obvious...weirdos.

I resemble that remark.

Great cameo by Kazagger! Now there's an underused Muppet if ever there was one. Hope we get to see some play-by-play as the usual Muppet weirdness gets underway along with the tourney games...

Scooter's brain pilots should save the black box, and see whether this crash was preventable. Remember kiddies: don't fly stupid.

I cringe at a forthcoming Gaga song...but eh, it's Muppets, I'll listen anyway!
---------------

 

[The Count]

So long as it's Gaga, our sanity shall survive.

*Hearing the pilots in Scooter's brain, if it's more Aliens:
Game over man! End of the world! Save yourselves! Women and children first, after me!
Or if it's more akin to Airplane:
Look out, it's gonna crash! *Dives out of the control tower's open windows.

 

[WebMistressGina]

-----------------
Enjoyable. I like how much detail you're bringing in, examining the relationships between some of the Muppets, particularly Scooter and Piggy and why they've stayed so long with such obvious...weirdos.

I resemble that remark.

Yeah, the Muppets are folks that you have to love. Well, if you don't want to cross Piggy you'll love them.

Great cameo by Kazagger! Now there's an underused Muppet if ever there was one. Hope we get to see some play-by-play as the usual Muppet weirdness gets underway along with the tourney games...

When I decided to continue the tournament over at the pool hall, there was no one else I considered to do it. I'm still thinking stuff up as I go along, but as I haven't featured any pool playing since the actual show, I think I'll do the singles tournament.

And in the immortal words of Charlie McCarthy, "You'll never guess who the winner is, folks!"

Scooter's brain pilots should save the black box, and see whether this crash was preventable. Remember kiddies: don't fly stupid.

I seem to be taking some of my own qualities into Scooter. My mind tends to leave at the most inopportune times, in which something awesome should be forthcoming, only to suddenly come up with something, usually minutes, hours, or days later.

Stupid brain.

That scene, incidentally, is one of my many favorites from The Simpsons.

I cringe at a forthcoming Gaga song...but eh, it's Muppets, I'll listen anyway!

You're spared, as it won't be in this one, though I'm still debating on the Mayhem playing during a break here. The downside to being a writer and a musician is that I have a tendency to imagine in music video format, which - when appropriate - finds songs into things I write.

It helps that said characters are also musically talented. The point is, expect to see more Monkees, Beatles, Gaga, maybe some STP, The Who, Rhianna, Britney, and a bunch of other stuff that I will try to work in at some point.

 

[TheWeirdoGirl]

I'm really loving this story a lot! It's just fantastic. There's a lot more that I could say, but it'll have to wait for some other time. Keep up the great work!

 

[WebMistressGina]

Good morning Muppet crew!

I will hopefully be giving you all a one-two punch here, by getting up two chapters (or more in one day). And guess what? I think there might be a sequel in this because...I see a Muppet party. I see a zany, crazy Muppet party, as well as an excuse to kill several ideas at once. Debating, but that could happen.

Anyway, here's chap 11 fer ya!

Chapter XI​

“On the house, guys!”

The four members of the first doubles round were all lined up at the bar, drinking in a celebratory win for the porcine pig and the musical mutt. The first match of the night had started the second round off to a fun and exciting start, with good natured trash talking, insults, puns, and all around comedy.

But that’s what you get when the most cynical of the Electric Mayhem members was playing pool with the staff of Veterinarian’s Hospital.

The game had gone back and forth, with Piggy and Rowlf leading at one moment and then Floyd and Janice leading at another; the game had come down to the eight ball for both teams and both had missed their shots at least twice, until Rowlf was able to make his in the side pocket on the third try, ending the game and putting both he and Piggy into the third and final round.

Now, both teams were sitting at the bar, talking and watching the action that was taking place around them. While the second match of the doubles was going, it wasn’t nearly as interesting as what was happening behind the match. “So what’s up with our little Grofer over there?” asked Floyd, as he took a sip from his drink.

Despite his normal efficiency at cutting down anyone that crossed his path, especially his co-stars, Sgt. Floyd Pepper was a very loyal and trusted friend; even when insulting them, the hippest of the hip knew he would never find better people than those that he associated with.

He, along with the rest of the Mayhem (and all of the Muppets in general), had taken Scooter under their proverbial wing; the go-fer had been the first person Floyd had thought of when contemplating having a second bass player on hand. After the disaster that was the combination of Fozzie and Don Knotts, it was clear that Floyd was the only vibes player in the troupe and that of the only bass player.

That needed to be rectified.

Scooter had been the perfect student to learn an instrument – interested, hardworking, willing to learn, and persistent. The kid had grown on the group, causing Floyd to nickname him ‘The Kid’, along with his personal favorite of ‘grofer’, which was a play on his last name and that of his then position of being the show’s go-fer.
Floyd had been in his usual place in the orchestra pit before needing to go on stage for the Mayhem’s set, so he had been unable to be properly introduced to Amanda, nor was he aware that his little buddy had a crush on her.

“Where’ve you been?” asked Rowlf.

“In the orchestra pit,” the bassist retorted. Leaning forward to look at Piggy, who was seated on a barstool next to the pianist, he concluded with, “We don’t usually get out to socialize much.” His comment was answered by a roll of blue eyes and a shake of a piggy head.

“Like, that’s Scootie’s new cutie,” Janice explained.

“Oh yeah?” Floyd asked, making a better show of trying to get a better look at Amanda.

“Floyd,” Piggy admonished. “Stop gawking.”

“And keep it down,” Rowlf whispered, elbowing the mustached musician. “She’s the bar owner’s daughter.”

Floyd answered that with a chuckle. “Right on,” he said. “Didn’t know the guy had it in him.”

“He’s a pretty lucky guy,” Rowlf agreed.

Piggy leaned back to look at Janice.

“Men,” they both groaned.

​

Scooter managed to tear himself away from Amanda only because she had to take business phone call within the bar’s office. The upside was that she seemed just as disappointed to be leaving him as he was to see her leave. Watching her leave, however, did take some of the sting out though.

Deciding that he should at least spend some time with his friends and family who had been nice enough to bring him here, he looked around and spotted Kermit and Piggy sitting at a table close to the current match. He tried to decipher if the two were available for talking or if they were having their own private sort of talk.

If there were two people Scooter had ever been afraid to leave, it was that of Kermit and Piggy. Oh, he knew perfectly well they could take care of themselves, but he liked to think he helped in taking care of them, in taking care of all of them.

When Scooter had been taking classes, he was never completely away from the Muppets, just not in front of the screen like he used to be. It had been an agonizing decision, to go to college or stay with the group, but it had been Kermit who had told him he had to follow the same dream that had brought them all to Hollywood in the first place; the only difference was that Scooter’s dream was now that of college.

While the goal was worthy, the climate that he was leaving behind didn’t seem to be a good one; it seemed that everyone was moving away from each other and the power couple seemed to be more at odds with each other than anyone could imagine or have ever seen. Piggy had built them a beautiful home in the Hills and though Kermit did move in, there had been speculation – both in the tabloids and their own little group – if the move was the frog’s idea.

Scooter knew they were happy; if anyone had a better and deeper insight into the two, it was probably him (or Fozzie) and while they had their moments, Kermit and Piggy adored each other. That’s why it had hit him harder than he had realized when Piggy announced that she was leaving. He had almost turned down his internship with Google when she told him and only on the supposed threat of death that he had gone; he hadn’t been happy.

Not one bit.

Shaking his thoughts from a former time, the assistant decided that the two weren’t necessarily engaged in something, so he made his way towards them.

“Hey Scooter,” Kermit greeted, smiling.

“Hi-ho Kermit,” he returned, also smiling. Turning to his boss’ companion, he stated, “Ow, by the way.”

“Oh I’m sorry, Scooter dear,” Piggy replied, matching the smiles that were around him. “Were you enjoying playing babble like an idiot earlier?”

“Piggy!”

“No,” was the assistant’s grumbled reply.

“Okay then,” she retorted. “And you’re welcome.”

“Yeah, well,” Scooter muttered, rubbing his side. “Next time, be more gentle.”

“Scooter,” the diva huffed. “If there is one thing Moi is, it’s gentle.”

“Yeah,” Kermit murmured. “Like a Mack truck.”

“What?”

“I said,” the frog stumbled. “I said is that a duck. Over there? But it’s…it’s not.” Kermit cleared his throat nervously, quickly turning to the younger Muppet in hopes that the death glare he was getting from his gorgeous girlfriend would dissipate. Eventually.

“So Scooter,” he scrambled. “How…how’re things?”

“They’re good, Boss,” Scooter nodded, trying – and failing – to contain a smile. “Turn out’s pretty good, right? And you thought this wouldn’t work.”

“Alright, alright,” Kermit said, waving off the go-fer. “I concede defeat. You have, as per usual, managed to turn a completely hopeless situation into one of triumph.”

“I thank you.”

“Though I wonder what would’ve happened if you didn’t have a romantic interest in said pool partner, as it were.”

Scooter send his boss a look. It was rare for Kermit to go after him in just a joking way, probably because, as his assistant, he had enough information on the frog to counteract any attack. Kinda like now.

“Remind me where you live again,” he retorted. “It’s a big house, with a picture of you and your girlfriend on the gate, right?”

Touché, the frog thought, leaning back in his seat. When was the last time he had done this with Scooter? “I’m sure Piggy would be more than happy to give you the name of the builders who constructed it,” he shot back. “If you were interested.”

“Oh cute,” the go-fer nodded. “Cute joke.”

“Boys,” Piggy replied, stirring her drink. “Play nice.”

“I am playing nice,” Scooter defended. “I’m always nice.”

“So Amanda keeps telling us,” Kermit said.

Scooter opened his mouth, a snappy comeback all ready when his brain changed tracks mid-contemplation. “Really?”

Turning to his tablemate, the frog stated, “The kid does have it bad.”

“I told you,” his companion replied. “It’s quite adorable, actually. In fact, Moi is going to do vous another favor, Andrew my love.”

“Should I alert the Coast Guard?”

Piggy chuckled in such a way Scooter knew he was toeing the line a bit. “Cute,” she said. “Cute joke. Anyways, Moi is certain that Mon Capitaine and Moiself would love to have a nice little tête-à-têtewith vous and Miss Amanda. I’m sure vous can find time in Kermie’s schedule to arrange it.”

“How’s Saturday at seven?” the assistant answered immediately.

“That’s perfect.”

Kermit looked between the two, an annoyed look on his face. This was why he tried to limit contact between the two of them. “This is why I try to limit contact between you two,” he muttered. “You’re always scheming against me.”

“We are not scheming against you,” Piggy huffed, with an eye roll. “Why do you keep saying that?”

“You’re sitting right there!” Scooter exclaimed. “We’re scheming with you!”

“Sheesh,” the frog muttered. “With friends like you, why bother with enemies?”

​

“Welcome back to the Wild World of Muppet Sports! This is Louis Kazagger, coming to you live from the Cosgrove Cool Pool’s seventh annual pool tournament. Tonight we head into the second round with our singles competition; so far, we have our third and final match up in the doubles competition between that of Muppet Show stars Miss Piggy and Rowlf the Dog.

“Meeting them in the third round will be the father/son team of Big Tony and Little Tony Little! Sitting with me now is that of Big Tony Little…Big Tony, how do you feel about your win tonight over that of female champion Allison Fisher and her partner, Louvus?”

“Baddabing,” the large man began, his heavy accent coming clean and clear. “It was no sweat; ain’t no man or woman a match for me and Little Tony, capisce?”

“And how are you feeling about facing the team of Piggy and Rowlf in the third round?”

“Look,” the big bopper said. “Imma tell yous all right now – up till here, it’s been Swine Time and Dogs Playing Pool, but they ain’t come close to what me and Little Tony is gonna do to dems. So the pig and dog better watch out, cause me and Little Tony is coming and when we see dem tomorrow, the Littles are gonna have some hot dogs. Get it?” The larger man walked off, leaving Kazagger staring at him in confusion.

“Well,” he said, turning to the camera. “There you have it, folks. Big Tony Little sending out his predictions for tomorrow’s matchup between him and his son with that of Miss Piggy and Rowlf. We turn now to that of the singles competition, where our first match will be Andy Schweeb facing Muppet comedian Fozzie Bear.

“Fozzie is with us before he goes on, Fozzie how are you feeling before your match?”

Fozzie, who had since purged himself from the jacket he had been wearing and had rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, pulled on his signature necktie in a show of nervousness. “Well Lou,” he began. “I gotta admit, I’m kinda nervous. Andy is a great player, so it’s a privilege to be playing with him tonight and that there’s such a great crowd around - ”

Those who were standing around the table cheered for Fozzie, as he turned and waved at them. “I can only hope no one has any tomatoes,” he continued. “However, if anyone has green peppers, black olives, onions, cheese, and some pepperoni, maybe we can throw together a pizza. Ha! Wocka wocka wocka!”

“Thank you, Fozzie,” Kazagger replied, sending a push towards the bear to get him off camera. “This is Louis Kazagger; stay tuned for the first of the singles matches on Wild World of Muppet Sports!”

 

[WebMistressGina]

Chapter XII​

The first of the singles matches was well under way, with the game coming to a very close tie. Fozzie Bear, the tenacious tenor of travesty, had surprised everyone with his somewhat decent and perhaps professional skills at playing pool, positioning himself as the front runner for the singles competition after his win in the first round.
Up at the bar, the quartet that had gathered there were just as surprised, especially when they counted themselves among the bear’s closest friends. “Like, Fozzie is really killing out there,” noted Janice.

“And not even on purpose,” chuckled Rowlf.

The bear had taken it upon himself to do what he always did, crowd source the people around to test out his joke material. He’d actually be more hit than miss tonight and it only seemed to add to his concentration as his game against Andy Schweeb went back and forth.

“When did our funny friend get so good at playing pool?” Floyd questioned.

“He used to spend a lot of time doing stuff that kept him away from the Moopets,” Rowlf responded

“That makes sense,” Piggy said. “I’ve always thought that Poogy person looked like she’d been hit in the face with a cue stick. Repeatedly.” The others chuckled at her rather catty response, but secretly they agreed with her. They had really dodged a bullet by having Piggy return to them and not having to spend more time with the fake starlet than they needed.

“You need a saucer down there, Pork Chop?” Floyd rasped.

“Not unless you want my claws in your side.”

“Hey guys.”

“Gonzo!”

The blue weirdo and his long time chicken girlfriend made their presence at their bar, ordering some sort of blue fuzzy drink with a bowl of pumpkin seeds. “Wow,” he stated, as he watched Fozzie sink another ball in a side pocket. “I never knew Fozzie was such a good pool player.”

“All that time in Reno, man,” Floyd said. “I wouldn’t mind taking him with me to Vegas; if he spent his time playing pool, who knows what else he’s potentially good at?”

“Well, it’ll be interesting to meet him in the next round,” Gonzo replied.

“What makes you think, like, you’ll make it to the next round?”

“Are you kidding?” the weirdo exclaimed. “Have you seen my competition?”

“Hey Gonzo,” Rowlf said, sternly. “That’s not nice. Audra’s a nice girl and she looks like a pretty good player. I’d be surprised if you managed to get past her to the next round.”

“Okay, Rowlf, okay,” Gonzo amended, sending an infectious grin to his furry friend. “I didn’t know you were barking up the pool player tree.”

“Oh, that’s cute,” Rowlf replied. He just had to buy the pretty beagle a drink. He didn’t think anything of it, of course, but then again he also had a lapse in judgement in the people he hung out with. “Can we get back to talking about Scooter’s love life? We were perfectly fine with that until you showed up.”

“Actually,” Piggy corrected. “We were perfectly fine until Audra showed up.”

“Shouldn’t you be working on baby figs or something?” That comment was rewarded with a punch to the arm.

“Too bad common law isn’t recognized in this state,” Floyd stated, smirking into his drink.

“It is in Colorado and Arizona,” Gonzo added.

“I’m sorry, how did this conversation switch to me all of a sudden?”

“What?” Rowlf asked, grinning. “You think you’re the only one who’s good at redirection?”

“Well, redirect away from me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the dog chuckled. “Now back to Scooter…”

Back at the match, Andy Schweeb was lining up his shot for sinking his last ball. He, like everyone else, had been surprised at just how good a pool player the bear comedian was. He wished he could’ve been more cutthroat with the bear, but he just couldn’t; the guy was a really nice guy. And he was pretty funny! Why were people telling him the bear was totally unfunny?

In hindsight, even if he lost Schweeb could at least say he had been in the tournament. This was his third year and only the first time he had gotten to the actual finals and certainly, this was a year to remember. How many times would he be able to tell people that he had been in a pool tournament with The Ice Man or Allison Fisher and that he had personally played against several of the Muppets?

“Hey Andy,” the bear started, stepping up to the table to take his shot. “What do you call a pool player underwater?”

“No idea, sir.”

“A pool shark!”

“Oh like, totally lame Fozzie.”

“Hey,” he shot back, looking up at the six that were seated at the bar. “Not all of us can deliver a hurricane of puns. It’s good thing you work in a hospital, Janice.”

“Here it comes,” muttered Rowlf.

“Like, why’s that?”

“It’s puts you in proximity of the dogtor, get it!?”

“Yeah,” Floyd chuckled. “But with a doctor like Dr. Bob, his patients are better off dead!”

“Ah! That’s fun-nee!”

“It appears that Fozzie Bear has taken the lead over Andy Schweeb, folks,” came the voice of Kazagger. “The comedian has managed to sink all his balls and only needs to the eight ball to win. If he makes this shot folks, he moves up to the final round.”

What people didn’t know about Fozzie was that he had techniques in which to overcome some of his nervousness, especially when on stage. It had taken him a long time to get past the ever present presence of his hecklers and tormenters that sat at the balcony at the theatre; in fact, he had long since counted them as his biggest fans. Why else would they insist on returning night after night, year after year, if they truly hated him?

When Kermit had first found him, on that stage at El Sleezo’s, Fozzie had dreaded going out every night. He wasn’t stupid; he knew some of his material didn’t fly right, but his determination for giving the people a laugh had to make for it, right? Well, the crowd at El Sleezo’s didn’t think so and several times he had barely made it off stage with his hat, fur, and life intact. That night when Kermit had come by had looked to be his very last.

When the Muppet Show had started, the ordeal of having his jokes booed or worse was also a constant with him; there were times when the audience weren’t as forgiving as El Sleezo’s and that was only tempered by the fact that he was just one cast member in the bunch that they all hated in their entirety. That’s when he started to picture the audience as happy little stick figures, like the kind he used to draw on his wall as a kid.

After a while, he could stand on stage looking at the audience as they were and after that, he could even hold his own against Waldorf and Statler. He even started imaging the audience with their old faces, if just to push himself to get them to laugh at one of his jokes.

Upon returning back to their studios, their theatre, and their name, Fozzie had enthusiastically hugged both elder gentlemen and thanked them for their hazing and heckling.

Why?

If there was one thing Fozzie took from their years of heckling, it was a much harder shell than he had before. That certainly worked well when he had been in Reno and working with the Moopets; that was certainly an experience he never wanted to repeat ever again, even on the pain of death. The gig was just to get money to get by with, but there had been a ton of times where he wished he could just get out. At the beginning, the fantasy of Kermit and the others coming to rescue had been a comfort that had quickly dissipated after years and years of waiting.

The crowds at a casino bar are nothing to write home about and they responded even less to his jokes. His technique of imaging them as his oldest and greatest of nemesis never helped and sadly, the Moopets were not the type of people to reassure him when he had really bad nights on stage. That’s how Fozzie started to wonder around Reno, getting to know some of the dealers at the blackjack tables, the waitresses who served drinks, and how he managed to find an interest in pool playing.

Anything to get him away from those…people.

And as with his joke telling, when playing pool, Fozzie just used his determination and his imagination by picturing the pool balls as his one-time stage mates, the Moopets. And the eight ball was his Miss Poogy.

Gee, he really hated that pig!

Fozzie was not the type of person to hold any type of hatred in his heart; if that was true, he would’ve been out of the comedy game decades ago, but the Moopets had pushed so many of the bear’s buttons he couldn’t help but feel anxiety and revulsion for the group. And the person he hated most was Poogy.

While he and Miss Piggy had never been terribly close – well, as close as one could get by being friends with their best friend’s girl – the bear was fairly confident the diva at least liked him a little. Oh, she may have come off as the long suffering girlfriend and love interest to the frog and that she only hung out with them because they were Kermit’s friends, but Fozzie knew the truth. Piggy could be a real sweetheart when she wanted to be and she never scared him as much as Poogy did.

In fact, even seeing Poogy on a daily basis made him miss Piggy all the more.

He didn’t even want to contemplate what the Muppet Telethon would have been like had Piggy not returned. In fact, Fozzie thought he was the only person who thought Piggy would return, even after her talk with Kermit. Piggy was as loyal as they were. He was just happy the couple seemed to be back together; he really hated conflict and while very much used to their back and forth, he also hated seeing how miserable the other could get when they were apart.

“Whatsamatter, Fozzie?” the eight ball taunted. “Can’t sink your ball in hole? I know dumbbells with bigger balls than you.”

“Eight ball, corner pocket,” Fozzie announced, his eyes never leaving the smirking face of Poogy as it glared at him from the shiny black ball. “Sink this,” he retorted, hitting the cue a little harder than he had intended, but it made an impact by smashing into Poogy’s face and sending her to the corner pocket and into the ball shoot.

The bear stood up, a bit stunned not only at the furiousity of the shot, but that he had actually gotten it in. It was only after being caught up in a hug by Rowlf that he realized he had just won and was heading to the finals.

[hr]

“Welcome back to Muppet Sports, I am your announcer, Louis Kazagger. And with me now is that purveyor of the performing arts, the Great Gonzo. Gonzo, how are you feeling tonight?”

“Oh just great, Louis!”

“In the last round, you managed to sweep away your opponent with a combination of skill and insanity. What will be your approach to tonight’s match up with Audra Smalls?”

“Well, Lou, I’ve been forbidden to do anything too crazy, however a show with the Great Gonzo isn’t a show unless I’ve displayed some sort of performance art. So for tonight, I’m bringing the lights down just a little and slow it down just a little. Sometimes Lou, you don’t need to go big in order to go big!”

The Great Gonzo walked off with a hearty laugh that was one part giggle and five parts maniacal.

“Well, there you have it folks. The Great Gonzo promising us another form of his performing art. Stay tuned for the conclusion of our coverage to the seventh annual Cool Pool tournament.”

[hr]

Audra Smalls was a fairly quiet dog.

Coming from a small litter, Audra had done very well in her school studies before taking a job as an admin assistant at a local talent agency. She wasn’t sure when she had first gotten into playing pool – maybe it had been one of her boyfriends that had shown her or a night out with the girls had led her to try it – but whatever the reason, the little spotted beagle found a type of comfort and relaxation that came with playing.

Cool Pool was her normal hangout and she was usually once a week, if just to unwind after a hard day listening to the hopes and dreams of people wanting to break into show business; she couldn’t understand the mad rush people had when it came to wanting to be famous. What was wrong with just living life and watching the world go by at a slow to medium pace? That’s what she liked.

For her to participate in this year’s pool tournament had been a bit of a dare from her co-workers and friends. She was a decent player, by the local standards, and it was the thought of playing against new players – not the money – that interested her slightly. Audra enjoyed being around people, especially enjoyable people, so she figured if anything she could meet new people while playing. She of course had no idea she’d make it to the semifinals or even the second round. And she certainly didn’t think that her opponent would be one of the famed Muppets from TV and movies.

She knew of the Muppets and probably had a movie of theirs once or twice, but she had never met any of them. The beagle had been surprised when the brown dog known as Rowlf had bought her a drink and complemented her on getting to this second round. As she made her way to the tournament table, she passed him and some of the others as they stood at the bar.

“Hey, good luck out there,” Rowlf nodded.

“Thanks, Rowlf.”

“You’re gonna need it,” came the muted response from either side of the piano player.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Kazagger spoke, his voice rising to get everyone’s attention. “We’re about to start our final match of the night. Hailing from our own fair city, the beagle beauty of pool, Ms. Audra Smalls!” The crowd clapped for their hometown favorite as she stood at the table and waved shyly. “And her opponent, that madman of Muppet mastery, the insane man of invention and imagination, the one, the only, the Great Gonzo!”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the performer began. “Tonight I’m restricted from my normal high class act - ” Everyone looked at everyone else at that statement. “But let it be known that the Great Gonzo doesn’t appeal to the sensitive and heartfelt beings out there. For tonight’s performance, I will be reciting some poetry. About pool. In haiku form.”

“What’s a haiku?” asked Audra.

“You don’t know what a haiku is?” Gonzo asked, his eyes wide in surprise. The little beagle shook her head. Patting her on the arm, the weirdo said, “Excellent! Ladies first, as they say. Audra, if you would.”

The beagle stepped up to the table, alternating between seeing the best possible break and that of keeping an eye on the blue weirdo. She made a quick glance to that of the Muppets at the bar, hoping to get a little more information on what the actor planned to do, but they all just shrugged in her direction, as if to say, “even we don’t know what he’s planning.”

“Beagle breaks,
Eleven goes into pocket.
I am behind.

"No fifteen!
You traitorous dog!
Now down two.

"Ah ha!
Thank you twelve.
You’re my friend.

"Beware one,
Side you shall go
My eyes on three.”

“Please buy that poor girl a drink after this,” Piggy whispered to Rowlf.

“Please buy that poor girl dinner after this,” Floyd added.

“Like,” Janice jumped in. “Take this poor girl on vacation after this!”

And the tournament rolled on.


I'm completely in stitches after this, I hope you all know. I hope I did the haiku justice, cause I can't write haiku or poems to save my life. Will be starting the next chapter...uh...next!