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Miss Piggy's Muppet Adventures: The Great Beartender

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by WebMistressGina, Jul 10, 2012.

  1. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    And here is the last bit to tie things up before the epilogue! And here's to hoping that I can finally go to sleep!

    They were in trouble and they knew they were in trouble. All Fozzie and Piggy could do was look at each other before following Kermit into the kitchen. If they were expecting – or hoping – for one of Kermit’s trademark, arm flailing tirades, they were disappointed. Both of them immediately tried to explain their actions, but were stopped by one green flipper held in the air, a clear communication that he wanted them to stop talking.

    “Stop,” he said. “I don’t even want to hear it. I was planning on asking if the two of you had completely lost your minds, but –“ here, he chuckled, though it wasn’t out of humor. “Obviously the answer to that is yes. You’ve certainly picked a good day for this and certainly picked the right neighborhood because Gonzo’s only two blocks away. And, incidentally, all three of you have managed to get in range of the local mental health institute!”

    It was clear that Kermit was just getting started. Spending a morning with an addled brain and obviously suicidal Gonzo, coupled with the regular antics of his equally addled brain employees couldn’t begin to prepare him for what he had walked in to at the Kidman house.

    Taking a very wild chance, the frog had his valet drive him over to the Kidman residence just to see if Fozzie and Piggy were hanging around. He figured Piggy must’ve picked her day off to stop by and must’ve run into Fozzie or something that made sense at the end of the day.

    What he had walked in to did not make sense, nor was he in the mood to make it make sense. All he knew was that Fozzie and some strange bear were dressed in, what he probably and rightly assumed, were the clothing of the occupants of the house and that Piggy was somehow involved.

    He didn’t need specifics at that point.

    “How it gets done,” he continued. “And how it happens, I don’t care, but you two have one hour to figure out why no one is spending the night in this house. Got it?” The two quickly nodded, at least adhering to his non talking command.

    While he had gotten a view of Fozzie, Kermit took the time to view Piggy while standing in the kitchen. The frog was hard pressed not to admit that the pig looked attractive, probably more so than she usually did. Kermit did always like the more casual looks that she would don once in a while and the shirt/jean combo was really working for her.

    Wait a minute…

    “And I want my shirt back.”

    Piggy huffed, though it was somewhat quiet, under her breath. “Now he wants it back,” she muttered to the bear. “Perfectly good shirt and he doesn’t even wear it.” Noticing that her conversation wasn’t as soft as she may have intended, she none the less cleared her throat and stared down the frog.

    “Can I at least wait until I get home?” she asked, thought Kermit noted that her tone was a bit too huffy for his tastes.

    “By all means,” he retorted. “Unless of course there’s something in one of the closets that would suit your tastes better.”

    “Why?” she asked, her eyes widening at the prospect. “Is there something in my size?” Seeing the look on her beau’s face, she immediately said, “Kidding! Just kidding. Sheesh, tough room.”

    “Tell me about it,” Fozzie muttered.

    In the living room, Jeanette was making herself ‘at home’ as it were. She had found the wine cabinet and decided to pour herself and Fozzie a glass of wine. Though she normally wouldn’t have given a second glance at the bear – he was a comic, after all – the very fact that he was a good bear gone very very good had changed her mind completely about him.

    The arrival of the frog was a bit of a dampner and she wasn’t sure if that pig would ever go home or not, however Jeanette hoped that the evening wouldn’t be a total waste. So far, the night was certainly exciting.

    And it would get even more exciting when a blue, white, and pink projectile went hurling through the side window.

    The thing managed to hit the floor before nearly colliding with the fireplace. The crash of course alerted those who had been in the kitchen, who were just as stunned and surprised as Jeanette was.


    “Gonzo, what’re you doing?” Fozzie asked.

    “Bleeding,” the weirdo murmured, as he rolled himself over onto his back. “Internally. Oh wait. No, no, I think I’m okay. So the answer then would be staring at the ceiling.”

    “Gonzo!” Kermit cried. “What’re you doing here? You’re supposed to be at the house with Rizzo!”

    That caused Piggy to perk up and look at Kermit. “Our house!?” she growled.

    “Don’t even start with me,” Kermit countered. He was not about to get into an argument with her over the fact that he had left Gonzo and Rizzo in their house, alone. Especially in light of the fact she and Fozzie were parading around a house that wasn’t even theirs.

    “So Kermit, about that canon act,” the weirdo replied. “You’re right; I think it’s something best saved for another day. I’ve discovered that the trajectory would have to be calculated precisely in order for it to work. That, or Rizzo can’t keep a beat to save his life. Sorry about the mayo; apparently it actually makes things worse.”

    No comment could ever come close to responding to whatever it was Gonzo had said, which of course was the precise time that the door opened, revealing Nicole Kidman, her husband, country star Keith Urban, and their children.

    “Nicole!” Kermit exclaimed, his voice shooting up an octave in nervousness. “We…we weren’t expecting you back until the end of the week!”

    “Obviously,” the actress stated, walking further into the chaos that surrounded her living room. “Kermit, what is going on here?”

    “It’s the funniest thing,” the frog chuckled. “So weird…apparently, three of my friends all went certifiably insane on the same day. Isn’t that weird?”

    “Yes Kermit,” she replied, very seriously. “That is weird.”

    “Fozzie?” the country star asked, looking at the bear. “Why are you wearing my jacket?”

    “You’re kidding?” Fozzie said. “You have one like this, too?”
    Muppetfan44 likes this.
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    No, it's that I thought that Kermit went home to his own home when he left the theater at the end of the day. Didn't think that after all he'd been through with Gonzo he had the energy to pursue pig and bear over to the Kiddman estate.

    Okay, I retract my earlier criticism. Please continue.
  3. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Ah. Well, in my mind, having him going over to the Kidman's made sense because Gonzo was at the house. Kermit imagined going over to the Kidman's and maybe finding Piggy and Fozzie goofing around in the living room or in the pool or something.

    He definitely didn't imagine what he walked in to. Of course, in hindsight, he probably wishes he was at home; he would've been there by himself. LOL
  4. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Ha ha ha ha! This was funny!

    And now that Piggy sees what he goes through, she'll be nicer to him, right?


    Who am I kidding?'

    Ha, Kermit was all, "She's hot", and then "HEY! That's my shirt!" Heh heh.

    And Miss Piggy, that's such a wife thing to say! <3 Tee hee!

    More please!
    The Count likes this.
  5. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Piggy will be as nice to Fozzie as she always is, let me say that. ;)

    I do wonder if Piggy ever dresses down and then realized, she probably does, just not what we would call dressed down. Even for this outfit, she's still very much 'dressed' so to speak.

    At this point, Kermit knows it's just a matter of time before she makes an honest frog out of him. Everyone else has just gone with the notion they're common law at this point; I've made references to it, like Floyd and Gonzo's conversation in 8 Ball and Scooter's retort about Kermit's "girlfriend/live in wife" in 7 Ball.

    Glad you enjoy it! May not get to the epilogue today; depends on if I can finish the freelance project that I barely started and is due today. But...$$$!
    miss kermie likes this.
  6. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Again, sorry for the lateness, folks, but here is the epilogue in our first Miss Piggy Muppet Adventures! Mr. Count moderator guy, could you be ever so kind and put this as a series? I was gonna do them all here and then decided I would make them each a separate thread.


    The next morning brought with it another sunny day in the great city of Hollywood, a perfect day to sit out on the patio, eat breakfast, and enjoy oneself. At the residence of Kermit and Piggy, the normal Saturday routine was broken that morning; normally, the house saw the arrival of Scooter so that he and Kermit could go over last minute schedule changes for the show the next day. Piggy had gotten to predicting the atmosphere of the show just by whether or not Scooter actively showed up.

    If he was there, the show looked good and solid.

    If he wasn’t, it meant he and Kermit were currently sitting at the little coffee shop that was down from the theatre because they’d be closer to put out the flames of chaos.

    This Saturday of course was the day in which she called, “The Day After”; the previous night had not gone as smoothly as she and Fozzie had hoped. The arrival of Kermit, whom they were trying to keep from knowing about their rouse, was not only unexpectant, but unwarranted; then of course the untimely arrival of Gonzo through a plate glass window just seemed to sink them entirely, but the highlight she would say was the unexpectant and unwanted arrival of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban to their home.

    It was a long night of explanations, backtracking, promises, the whole works. Kermit had of course stopped talking to her as soon as they had left the mansion and to her knowledge, he wasn’t speaking to Fozzie either. She did feel bad about that – it was bad enough the bear had gotten a slap in the face from Jeanette, but losing his best friend over it was probably crushing, which was why she had done something she rarely did when she had the house to herself.

    She invited the bear over.

    Fozzie wasn’t scheduled for anything tomorrow, though like most of them he would probably be at the theatre anyway trying to help in damage control. Piggy had gotten up, noticing that Kermit had apparently left without saying goodbye to her; that in itself wasn’t unusual. Kermit had always been an early riser, but in many cases, he was only up at most two hours before she was and if he did leave before her, he would usually left a note.

    “Wow, he’s really mad,” she had muttered. She had showered, done her hair, and decided to do what she had done yesterday – her version of casual dress. Stealing another one of Kermit’s shirt – this one a nice white button down, she had slipped into capris, and was making drinks when she heard the doorbell ring. Out of everyone, Fozzie still had the presence of mind to ring the bell or knock before he entered.

    “Come in, Fozzie,” she called.

    Said bear entered the living room, looked around, and decided to head to the kitchen where he figured – or hoped – someone would be there. He had had the most harrowing of nights and he wasn’t sure if things would be looking up come the show tomorrow or even the next week. Piggy met him as he came around the corner, mugs in hand, and handed him one.

    Not a coffee drinker, Fozzie preferred his warm drinks to that of those he loved as a child. It was no secret that Fozzie prized his childhood sensibilities, even when they may have gotten him in trouble at times, and he enjoyed his mornings – especially when he was really down – with a good cup of cocoa. Piggy had preempted his asking by preparing a frothy mug, complete with whipped cream topping and marshmallow face.

    “Thanks, Piggy,” he whispered, tanking the mug. Piggy gave him a friendly pat on the cheek, though when he winced, she muttered out an apology.

    “C’mon,” she said, nudging him slightly. “Outside. It’s a nice day and we can enjoy the weather.”

    “What’s so great about it?” the bear pouted, but he none the less followed the diva outside. Sitting down on the patio furniture, Fozzie took a sip of his cocoa, ever mindful of the whip cream and sighed. “How’d it go with the Kidmans?”

    Deciding not to correct him, Piggy replied, “Well, with Kermit’s niceness and my overall charms, we managed to get them to not sue us. They’re never going to speak to us again and then there’s that pesky restraining order the frog’s in a snit about…how’d it go with Jeanette?”

    Fozzie winced again, remembering the slap heard around the room. “Oh you know,” he said, nonchalantly. “Same ole story. Bear falls for girl, bear pretends to live in celebrity mansion, girl discovers it’s not his and then proceeds to slap him. Oh and stop talking to him.”

    “I’m sorry, Fozzie.”

    The bear shrugged. “S’okay,” he said. “Sorry for getting you in trouble with Kermit.”

    At that, Piggy smirked. “I’m always in trouble with Kermit.”

    “Yeah,” Fozzie nodded. “That’s what I kinda figured.” Piggy threw him a look, but refrained from saying anything. He had just been through a recent tragedy. “You know,” he started. “I’m kinda glad I won’t be seeing her again.”


    “Well,” the bear began, shifting uncomfortably. “She was kinda trying to use, wasn’t she? I mean, I don’t know if you saw it…”

    “Yeah,” Piggy groused. “I saw it.” So she wasn’t off base after all. Raising an eyebrow at him, she asked, “So you knew?”

    Again, Fozzie was a little uncomfortable in the discussion. Not that he didn’t think Piggy knew more about this than he, it was just he wasn’t very comfortable in talking about…emotional stuff. To anyone. “Well,” he whispered. “I had a feeling and I was really hoping that I was reading more into it but…” he shrugged again.

    In all the time they had known each other, this was probably the most time that the two had spent with each other. Not that they didn’t like each other – well, Fozzie hoped Piggy liked him - but sometimes it felt that they were from two different worlds; Piggy the starlet and Fozzie the comic. But in those very, very rare times that the two of them were able to hold more than a five minute conversation, Fozzie had always gotten the impression that Piggy cared about him as much as he had ccome to care about her.

    “Thanks for not letting her take advantage of me,” he said, sending a sincere smile her way.

    This time, it was Piggy who shrugged. While she never let her feelings for the others be known in public – Kermit aside, of course – the diva liked Fozzie. In the beginning, it was because he was Kermit’s best friend, but as the years went by, there was something about the comic that just made people want to like him.

    Standing to get a refill, the diva replied, “There is only one woman who I will allow to take advantage of you, Fozzie, and she is Moi.” Removing his hat, she gave him a swift kiss on the head before rubbing the hat back on his head, causing him to laugh.

    Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad this morning after all.

    And there you have it. Yes, a bit short, but there are many more stories to come. Next up in this series, a story featuring Piggy and Gonzo (one of many I've decided). Oh and before I forget, here is the Designing Women episode that this idea was based on. The title - "The Proxy Pig and the Great Pretenders"

  7. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Very well done ending. At least it ties up some last loose ends. Frog and gofer down by the coffee shop, pig and bear turning over their moods over cocoa at the house... Weirdo weirdly absent after crashing through plate-glass window.

    Nice to have this story capped off for us who were waiting the ending.

    So if this is going to go as a series... D'ya want the following?
    Series Title: Miss Piggy's Muppet Adventures? Muppet Adventures?
    Story #1 Title: The Proxy Pig and the Great Pretenders?
    And before I forget, *leaves plate of 10-cookies for Gina.
  8. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    I did toy with doing an aftermath with Gonzo, but this was supposed to be a Piggy & Fozzie story so...

    Series Title should be Miss Piggy's Muppet Adventures and the story title is "The Great Beartender"; Proxy Pig is the title of the Designing Women episode that the idea came from.

    Ironically enough, I happened to catch another long forgotten DW episode and for some reason, my mind said, "That would be a perfect situation for Gonzo and Piggy" which then lead to the idea that anytime they are together, bad things happen. I might run with that.

    Not sure when the next of the series will be up, but it will be the one that SHOULD have been the first story, that of Miss Piggy & the Great Gonzo in "Motorcross Mix-Up"

    I'm also #1. going to finish Schotsky's and #2. actually start working on Grosse Point again. This I'm saying cause it's a good thing to do. :D
  9. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    And just like that... Voila! Shiny new title for the thread, and it's been added as a series to your entries.
    BTW: As to Gross Point Blank... Seems you've already got the Pool Hall series as your Scooter-centric series, so you could either take the story and turn it into Six Ball. Or you could have GPB become Story #3 for the Muppet Adventures after Motorcross Mix-Up. Dunno, it's your call author lady.

    Now if I could decide how tall Muppet-wise Batssica—that character who showed up as the singer in my April Showers ficlet—should be. And yes, I know I owe the July oneshot if you're out there Kris, not sure when it'll get posted.
  10. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    This is all I shall say.

    WOO HOOO!!!]

    Do more please!

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