Muppet Fanfic: Something worth waiting for

Whoo! I love it when updates come fast and easy! Rare though that is!

Count, yes, I did mean world (whoops) and Gonzo was of course, casting uneasy and unsubtle trout... wait, that was Lew. Um, looks were what I was going for. I shouldn't write late at night... but I write faster then... ah, conundrums. Seriously, thanks for pointing those out. I'm glad you like that chapter and the Rizzo/Piggy bonding. I started that scene before I read Ruahnna's latest update, but I was certainly inspired by her. No bad thing that. Glad Fozzie's moments played well and I'm particularly relieve about the Crazy Harry scene as he's an odd fellow to write for.

Java and Renee (Yay, you're back!) Glad you liked the plate part. I wrote that on impulse and it felt very muppety to me.

Hope you like this next chapter!
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With breakfast out of the way, or back in its cage, as the case might well have been, Scooter rounded up the usual suspects to talk over that night’s show, and to debate which female pig would be doing the singing.

“Well, you’ve actually talked to her since the accident,” the gofer was arguing, “is she up to it? I don’t want her fainting on stage.”

“I don’t think she’s feeling very well,” Fozzie responded hesitantly.

“But we didn’t talk to her this morning,” Gonzo felt strongly that Piggy would want to do the show. “Only Rizzo did, and she did walk all the way back here. She must be at least a little better.”

“A walk she probably shouldn’t have taken. Oh, we shoulda been there for her earlier.” The bear pulled at his tie in dismay.

“We had no way of knowing she was gonna take off on her own, Fozzie. This is Miss Piggy we’re talking about. She should do the show; she’ll want to do the show.”

“There will be other shows, probably, and her health is more important. That’s what Kermit would say.”

“He’s not here, and I don’t think Piggy will see it that way. Besides, who’s going to tell her she’s not going on? You, Scooter? She hasn’t forgotten her karate, I’ll tell you that.”

In the end, Rowlf settled the matter rather handily by suggesting they actually ask Piggy what she wanted to do.

Gonzo tapped lightly on her door while Scooter waited close behind, anxious to get a good look at the resident porcine diva. There was no answer at first so he knocked more firmly. “Miss Piggy? We need to ask you something. Are you awake?”

“Um, yes. What is it?” The blonde did not open the door, though Gonzo could tell she was standing right on the other side.

“It’s about the show tonight. Could- could we come in? Or could you open the door?”

“Oh, right, the show.” Piggy opened the door just wide enough to poke her head out. “I- I don’t think I’ll be performing tonight. Moi needs to rest, and recover… yes. I won’t be doing it.”

Gonzo frowned at her in dismay. “But- Are you sure? That’s really what you want?”

“Why don’t you get Amy Lu to do it? The little homewrecker- uh, that lovely young girl could use the practice.”

Scooter nodded, visibly relieved. “Great! We’ve already got Annie Sue going over everything just in case.”

Piggy pursed her lips in annoyance, “Well! Isn’t that just perfect then? You are wonderfully efficient, Scooter; you never waste a moment on such things, do you?”

He looked uneasily at Gonzo, who did his best to convey ‘I told you so,’ short of screaming it into a bullhorn. “Uh-“

“Moi needs to rest now. Good day.” Without wasting another moment on them, Piggy withdrew her head and shut the door quietly.

After a beat, Scooter made a little note on his clipboard, commenting cheerfully, “That went better than it could have.”

“That went better than it should have.” Gonzo said unhappily. “I don’t like this, not at all.”

Scooter lowered his clipboard and pulled him away from her door. “Look, I know you feel badly about this, Gonzo, we all know. You’ve been moping all morning, but it’s going to be fine. Yesterday was a bad day, but things will get better, you’ll see.”

He looked straight into Scooter’s bespectacled eyes and saw his own naked fear reflected there. “I could have- I could have killed her, Scooter. That’s not-“

“We’ve had accidents before, my friend. Heck, we always get things wrong more often then we get things right. It’s just- part of the business.” He went so far as to sling a comradely arm over Gonzo’s shoulder. “As long as we keep going, though, we’re sure to come out on top.”

Scooter smiled at him in sudden inspiration.

“Remember, Gonzo:

It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish.
It’s not how you go, it’s how you land.
A hundred to one shot, they call him a klutz,
can outrun the favorite, all he needs is the guts.
Your final return will not diminish,
and you can be the cream of the crop.
It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish,

“Where are we gonna finish, do you think?” Gonzo interrupted.

“We’re gonna finish on top, Gonzo,” Scooter said softly and with great sincerity. “We really will.”

“I hope you’re right, buddy. I’d feel better about that if Kermit were here.”

“Wouldn’t we all.”

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“That was great Annie! They loved- just a sec.” Scooter interrupted himself. “Swedish Chef on next! Let’s see, that’s the cherries jubilee-“

“Dere is big trouble, Scooty. Zee cherrees is tu depressee fer zee yubilee!”

“Too depressed?”

“Ya, shure, wery sad fer Old Yelly flim.”

“You let them watch Ol’ Yeller?”

“Gud flim abut poor leetle puppy dog.”

“Well, cheer them up or something. Tell them a joke.”

“Okee dokee.” The chef started to move off quickly. “Oon fer der funnee bear?”

“Sorry about that Annie Sue. You did a great- bear? Wait! Don’t use one of Fozzie’s jokes!” He started after the chef. “I gotta go, sorry! Chef? Wait up!”

“Zee cherrees needs a ha ha from der funnee bear. Is wery gud!”

“Listen, do they understand English?”

Annie watched as they ran off together, calling out. “Oh, that’s all right, Mr. Scooter. I just hope Miss Piggy feels better soon.”

Fozzie walked by shortly thereafter looking over notes for his act. “A frog walks into a bank… wait, have I done this one before? I know! Stop me if you’ve heard this one…”

“Mr. Fozzie, I couldn’t help but notice that no one is on stage.”

“Oh hi, Annie Sue. Listen, what do you think sounds funnier? A – Wait. Did you say no one is on stage?”

“I did.”

Fozzie’s face fell. “Oh no! Well, we have to do something! Uh, uh, where’s the line up?” He stepped to Kermit’s desk and started to toss papers everywhere in a panic. “Scooter?! Where’s Scooter?”

“I think he’s trying to cheer up cherries… or was that chair up cheeries, um…”

“Yikes! I gotta do something! I gotta, uh…”

“Maybe you could go out there and stall?”

Fozzie shook his head bleakly. “Maybe I could go out there and crash!”

Annie smiled, “Cute, cute joke.”

“What? About the frog and the bank?” Angry rumblings from the audience began to make themselves known. “Nevermind, I gotta go!”

The rumblings didn’t lose much volume as Fozzie bolted into the spotlight. “Hiya, folks! Hiiiyah!” He leaned forward conspiratorially towards the audience. “And when I, the bear, says hiya, there is no need for alarm, none. It’s a different story of course when the pig says hi-yah and then you should probably panic!” He waited hopefully for some sign of amusement but won only nods of agreement.

Better than nothing anyway.

“Speak for yourself, bear!”

“Better yet, speak to yourself! Doh ho ho!”

“Oh no,” Fozzie sighed.

“Personally I’d much rather here the pig’s ‘hi yah!’ than your hiya!”

“Yeah, usually it’s not directed at us!”

“Bring on the pig!”

“But don’t let her sing!”

Fozzie gave his most devoted hecklers as stern a glare as he could manage. “Miss Piggy is a, a classy lady and-“

“Classy lady! What class?”

“What else, heavy-duty!”

“Yeah, battleship class!”

“Battleaxe class!”

“You know what she really is?”

“Does anyone?”

“She’s in the amphibious assault class!” The pair dissolved into laughter and took the rest of the audience right along with them.

Fozzie was appalled. “Shame on you! Saying things like that about her after the terrible thing that happened yesterday!” He brought a paw to his mouth at his hasty words. “Oh no.”

“What happened yesterday?”

“Did the tax on pork products go up?”

“Did she discover what a boar she is?”

“She’s not-“ The bear tried to rise to her defense. “Boars aren’t ladies!”

“Neither is she!”

“C’mon, you guys, this isn’t nice!”

“But it’s funny!”

“No.” Fozzie had had enough. “No, it is not. It’s just mean and I want you to stop. Poor Miss Piggy is-“

Poor Miss Piggy was spared further humiliation, as well as the revelation of her secret, by the sudden arrival of the Swedish Chef and a dozen weeping cherries.

“Ah, der bear der haha comeedy. Pleese du wockah wockah der depressee cheeries?”

“Wha-?”

“Ya, der wockah.”

“Uh, wocka, wocka?” Fozzie obliged, utterly confused. Chef and cherries dissolved into uproarious laughter as the bear stared at them in consternation.

“I don’t understand any of this,” he sighed as they pulled open the curtains and the Chef launched into his signature song.

“Fozzie!” Scooter hissed from the wings. “Get off the stage!”

“Right, right. And now, the Swedish Chef!” Fozzie announced, interrupting the Chef’s song and throwing him off before throwing himself into the wings.

“I’m glad I don’t have Kermit’s job everyday,” he told Scooter ruefully before trying to find his notes again.
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Just what I needed to read, thanks for the update!

Loved the cherries getting cheered up--only the Swedish Chef would use Fozzie's act to cheer up depressed fruit. (If happy cherries make cherries jubilee, do Bing cherries sing White Christmas? Just a thought....)

I especially liked the heckling of "those two old men in the balcony." Anyone can hurl insults--timing the insults to go along with the jokes in what takes comic timing. Very well done--your dialogue is always some of the best!

Glad to see Piggy is still feeling sassy enough to get a dig in at Annie Sue. (Poor Annie Sue--she's probably a really nice sow.)

Backtracking just a bit, I did love the part about Rizzo and Piggy. Both of them are smart, tough and funny, (with a sentimental center) and have a way of getting under your skin. Also, I imagine they are great late-night-snack buddies when they all live in the same big house.

Also, enjoyed the interaction at the Muppet group home--as one of the few old croakers on the boards, I have very fond memories of dorm life and all of the zaniness that goes on in a house full of disparate people. Was a little concerned about Gonzo sitting down at a table where they serve eggs, but maybe Camilla is cool with it. Or maybe Gonzo has given up chickens! *Gasp* Not likely, right?

Keep it coming, honey--I'm doing my best to keep up!

Allow me to thoroughly hug you for this story- <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Much better. Now then, I would go into detail about every little thing I've missed, but I'm supposed to be unpacking, so... Um, I'll try to keep it short.

First of all. A frog walks into a bank. Oy, if I had a shekel for every time Prawnie and I have used that joke... Well I'd at least be able to buy myself a bar of chocolate. At least. ...Well, maybe a KinderEgg... Whatever. Gonzo? Wait... Oh dear, I've gone and muffined myself again... The point is, I love that you used the "Frog walks into a bank" joke...

Also, it's not where you start, it's where you finish... I love that, too. Love Scooter giving Gonzo a pep talk. Love Gonzo needing a pep talk. Love the eggs eating the plate. Love Miss Piggy, just everything you've done with her, it's dead on, and I love it... Love Fozzie almost spilling the beans... Has me curious, though, if Kermit will possibly maybe somehow see the show, or hear something about Fozzie saying something about "the terrible thing that happened yesterday," combined with him not being able to talk to her the night before, and maybe put some things together, and... Well, I don't know. I guess I'll just, you know... wait for more...

MORE PLEASE!

Time to start stirring things up again...

Oh goodness... I have no idea what happened! All these posts...

Time to start stirring things up again...

Darn computer.... So sorry!

Time to start stirring things up again...

Leyla is sad now.
poetry in haiku form
Means she is sorry.

Time to start stirring things up again...

Haiku good for shame
Expressing guilt for mistake
Leyla is ashamed.

Time to start stirring things up again...

Something strange went wrong
The reply button was stuck
Far too many posts.

Time to start stirring things up again...

Leyla posted this
far too many times to count
She feels really dumb.

Time to start stirring things up again...

I think that I shall never see... someone post the same thing as much as me...

Time to start stirring things up again...

In other news, a nice Canadian girl blushed herself to death for multi posting.

Time to start stirring things up again...

Hugs Lisa right back! {{{{{{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm glad you're home! (And glad you liked that review.)

I used a Frog Walks into a Bank specifically because you've used it before. My way of saying 'cheers' I suppose. You're very funny when you're muffining yourself. Anyway, so glad you liked the story thus far... I haven't yet 'caused all the trouble I'm gonna, and boy am I looking forward to the later chapters of this story. (Hey, if you can tease... )

Ruahnna: Muppet Bing Cherries would naturally sing White Christmas! Hah, you're funny. Glad you liked the crazy cherries and the jokes/heckling. I find it easier to write when I'm picturing exactly how it would sound coming out of those "balcony barnacles".

From what I've seen, Annie really is a nice sow... and a Miss Piggy fan too.

I'm so glad you liked the Piggy/Rizzo bonding. I am now sooo tempted to write a midnight snack scene with the two of them... if you don't object...

(Beau) regarding Gonzo and the eggs... I never said they were chicken eggs, and I'm sure Camilla wouldn't mind unfertilised eggs being breakfast. She doesn't seem quite as sensitive as Piggy is about being related to breakfast food.

Java: Thanks, bud! I'm gonna review your story ASAP!

Count: Thanks so much for the review. Glad you liked it! I've been reading your Christmas story. I like it lots! (It is difficult to keep up with all this great writing, isn't it!)


And... our story continues... along with the show...
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Before Fozzie had quite finished finding his notes and Scooter had quite finished restoring Kermit’s desk to order, Rowlf came running up, as worked up as they had ever seen him, which made him still calmer than many Muppets on their best days.

“We have a situation here, fellas. Animal slipped his chain and ran off. Mayhem’s on in ten and they just lost their rhythm.”

Scooter assessed the situation in a split second. “Not good,” he said.

Fozzie concurred with that assessment. “Oh, boy.”

“Yeah. Listen, Floyd’s off to fetch another chain and the rest of the band is trying to figure out where he ran off. Can one of you spare a minute to help me out with this?”

Fozzie and Scooter turned to each other.

“Um… do you wanna-“

“Well, someone needs to get… but if you’d rather-“

“No, no, that’s really your department.”

“I don’t want to force you to-

“Uh, gentlemen, finding their drummer before the band goes on would be good.”

“Sorry,” they apologized in unison. An exchange of nods and the matter was settled.

Fozzie glanced mournfully at his cards before setting them down and trailing after Rowlf. “So they have no idea where he is?”

“Nope, which is kind of odd when you think about it. Animal’s hard to miss.”

The bear stopped abruptly. “That’s right! He is. He is hard to miss, especially if…”

Rowlf waited for a moment as Fozzie stood, lost in thought. “Especially if?” He prompted.

“Ha! I got it!” Fozzie slapped his thigh in elation. “Especially if you are a miss!”

“Is- Is that a joke?” The dog asked, wondering if he ought to laugh.

“No-“ Fozzie reconsidered, “Wait, was it funny?”

Rowlf pondered his response, finally settling on honesty. “No.”

“Then it wasn’t a joke. Look, Animal loves to chase the girls around so-“

“Oh, hey, that is an idea.” The pianist caught on to Fozzie’s train of thought. “We’ll go round up a few women of the female variety and lure him out of his hidey hole. Great idea, Fozzie!”

“Oh, uh, right. That was my plan. Yes.” Hastily the aspiring comic pulled the blonde wig off of his head and smiled uneasily at Rowlf, who took it as he took everything: in stride.

“Hmm. I guess we don’t have to bother the girls… but their feminine wiles are a lot more wily… and feminine. I dunno, which plan do you prefer?”

Fozzie let out a beleaguered sigh. “Oh, let’s just go find some girls.”
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Scooter, in the meantime, was faced with a crisis of his own.

“What do you mean you’re not going to do the act you rehearsed? It was dynami- oops.“ The gofer slapped his hands over his mouth and waited for the inevitable.

Nothing happened.

“Is Harry sick or something?” Scooter remained in duck and cover position, just in case the resident maniac, well, one of ‘em, was running late.

Gonzo watched him in solemn impatience. “No, he’s not sick. Straighten up, will you?”

“Did- did somebody kill him?” He asked cautiously, unsettled by Gonzo’s expression.

“No, of course not. Now just stand up.” Kermit’s right hand stage man stared at Gonzo in surprise as his friend took him by the shoulders and pulled him firmly out of his crouch. “Dynamite,” Gonzo began.

Scooter flinched in a reaction that was as natural as using his uncle for personal gain.

“-is dangerous,” he continued. “Explosives,”

Still nothing. It was gradually sinking in that Crazy Harry was AWOL.

“are dangerous.”

Something was very wrong. “Gonzo, are- are you okay?”

“I’ve finally come to my senses, Scooter.” The little blue daredevil informed him.

“Gee, that’s great.” Relieved, Scooter waited expectantly for Gonzo to let loose with his most nonsensical idea yet.

“I’m giving up everything about my act that was risky and foolhardy.”

“-in order to try…” Scooter prompted him, still waiting for the craziness.

“In order to be safe.”

He gaped at Gonzo when the matter of fact words finally sunk in.

“Well, it’s not so much my safety I’m worried about as everyone else’s.”

Scooter had known that the accident had shaken his wildly eccentric friend, but he’d had no idea Gonzo had taken his mistake so much to heart. Sympathy welled up inside him and he reached out to touch Gonzo’s arm. “Hey now, don’t talk like that. What happened yesterday is still fresh, but just, just give it some time and I’m sure you’ll be feeling more like yourself.”

But Gonzo was in no mood to be mollified. “Scooter, I’m serious. Camilla didn’t believe me either but I really am giving it all up. Yesterday… it opened my eyes. I’m done with that life now. Sam and I have been talking, and we’re gonna work together to try to make things much safer around here.“

The only image more shocking to Scooter than Gonzo doing an act that wasn’t life-threateningly bizarre was of he and Sam in happy collaboration. “You’ve been talking to Sam? Sam the Eagle, Sam?”

“Yeah. I never realized how sensible he is. I have no idea what he’s been doing with us all these years.”

Scooter was deeply torn. On the one hand, he was dreadfully anxious about Gonzo’s shocking 180 degree attitude change. On the other hand, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. He couldn’t begin to list the number of times he’d had to write and send letters of apology to various cultural groups after Gonzo had unintentionally offended them. Kermit, too, had expressed more than a little consternation on the subject, and on more than one occasion, before heading off to “unfrazzle.”

Still…

“You’re not planning on quitting the show, are you?”

“No, of course not! Haven’t you been listening? I’m trying to make things better around here!” His voice dropped miserably. “What happened to Piggy was my fault. I can’t let it happen again.”

“Okay then.” One look at Gonzo’s set expression overruled Scooter’s desire to comfort. There was no use in arguing at that moment and precious little time besides. “Do what you need to do then, Gonzo, but clear it with me, Rowlf or Fozzie first, okay?” The self-proclaimed ex-daredevil visibly brightened when Scooter didn’t argue.

“Oh, from now on, I will.”

Uh oh.

“What do you mean, ‘From now on?’” Scooter jumped quickly on his words.

Gonzo shrugged. “We sorta… put Crazy Harry in check already.”

“How did you manage that?”

“We checked him into the Clinging Vine Home for the Crazed.”

“What?!” Scooter’s jaw fell open.

“We were going to write him a cheque-“

He gave him an annoyed look. “That takes cheek!”

“No, it takes cheques… which we didn’t have.”

“Oh, yeah, those. We never have those.” The Muppets would have lived on a shoestring budget if they could only have afforded the laces.

“Well, I didn’t anyway, and Sam only had American cheques, which didn’t help because Harry would only accept Czech cheques.”

“He’s Czech?”

“Check.”

Scooter was beginning to understand just why the frog needed his unfrazzling time. He made a quick note on his clipboard to spring Harry as soon as was convenient. In the meantime…

“Don’t… don’t do that again, okay?”

“Oh, I won’t, believe me. Those guys were very incompetent. They kept trying to keep me there, too. Can you believe that?”

“Uh-“

“It didn’t help that Sam accidentally left me there either.”

“Sam left you there?”

“Strange, isn’t it.”

“Sure is,” Scooter said lightly. He felt a little better about the whole situation knowing Sam had not been entirely won over by Gonzo’s new peace-and-quiet loving ways. Still, he wanted to ask Kermit about it... and Kermit would want to know why… which led him right back to Piggy not wanting Kermit to know... which led to big problems.

Perfect.

“So you’re not doing the cannon act tonight?”

“Never again.”

“Any plans for what you are gonna do? Or should I track down some of the back up, very last minute hopefuls?”

“Don’t call ‘em. I’ve got a whole new idea for an act! I may be retired from the death-defying business, but I’m still an artiste!”

“Great!” Things were not as bad as he had feared. “How many talking rutabagas do you need?”

“None! Scooter, don’t you know you can’t mix rutabagas and haiku?”

He hadn’t actually. Live and learn… and Scooter was about to.
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Yes... you will get to see the haiku... whether you like it or not!

Time to start stirring things up again...

Gah! What did I do? Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Oh, what a predicament Scooter has on his hands. More when you can please!

Leyla, do you remember how much I love to rave about your diction? Because I remember why. It's sentences like this:

Priceless! And the dialogue right before it is awesome, too! Matter of fact, the whole check thing... awesome. And come to think of it, that entire conversation between Scooter and Gonzo is amAAAAAAAAAzing. I especially like this part:

I love that talking rutabagas are such a natural part of Gonzo's act... And hoo boy, something tells me that no matter what decision Scooter makes, it's the wrong one.

And Fozzie's idea of how to find Animal... well, what can I say? Except that I loved the minor discussion as to whether or not "Especially if you are a miss!" was a joke.

I am done reading. For a more detailed reveiw: Wait just here. *runs to eat dinner*

*Holds breath*

*Gets hungry*

*Goes off to eat peaches.*