Chapter Three
There he was! There, right there, between the building and the trashcan and the five-dozen shadows, right there, running past the can and between the boxes and around the bend and over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house. Or at least he might as well have been headed there.
Miss Piggy paused to catch her breath, and growled. She had been straggling slightly behind the others on the way to the hospital. That was true. But she had had good reason to be straggling. She had been lost in worrisome thoughts. She had been thinking about Rowlf, of course, but also about what Kermit had said to her… And then some wacko had snatched her purse. Of course she chased him.
Nobody stole her purse and got away with it.
Nobody.
But the way things looked right now, she had just been out run.
Miss Piggy had never been one to accept defeat.
There was a group of boys nearby, skateboarding and showing off tricks. One boy fell off of his skateboard.
Miss Piggy hurried over. "Excuse moi!" She jumped on the now empty skateboard and took off.
The boy stood up, dusted himself off, and stared.
"Dude," his friend said, "You okay?"
“She just stole my skateboard!" the first boy said.
They were silent for a moment.
"Dude," his friend said, "Your skateboard was just stolen..."
"...By Miss Piggy," the boy finished.
They stared at each other.
"Suh-WEET!" They high-fived.
In the meantime, Miss Piggy was rolling away and quickly gaining speed. “You’re gonna wish you’d never been born, turkey!” she threatened through gritted teeth, knowing full well the purse-snatcher couldn’t hear her- yet.
She turned left past the building, right past the trash can, right past the five-dozen shadows, left there, right past the can, straight between the boxes, left around the bend, skipped the river, by-passed the woods, and forgot about Grandmother’s house.
The thief glanced over his shoulder and was surprised to find himself in hot pursuit. No doubt about it, he was being chased- by a
pig! Suddenly disoriented, he charged- straight into a wall.
Bonk. He fell down.
Miss Piggy plucked her purse up from him as she rolled past, then swung around and hopped off the skateboard to give him a piece of her mind. “GET UP, YOU WEIRDO!”
The man reluctantly staggered to his feet, staring at her. “Miss Piggy?” he said. He rubbed his eyes and was suddenly sheepish. “Gee- if I’d known it was you, I wouldn’t have taken your purse…”
“WELL YOU SHOULD’VE KNOWN IT WAS ME!” she shouted.
He stared. “Can I have your autograph?”
Miss Piggy shifted her weight and adopted a sugar-sweet tone. “How about a signature mark instead?” she suggested. “HI-YA!”
The thief crashed into the wall again and fell to the street for the second time that night.
“And next time you want an autograph, DON’T STEAL MY PURSE!” the pig shouted as she stormed away.
The thief rubbed his head. “Don will never believe this,” he muttered to himself, “…But those three penguins might.” He shrugged it off. “Could be worse- I could get eaten by DanDan.” He forced himself to his feet and walked away.
Miss Piggy let herself get lost in her angry thoughts, clutching her purse a little tighter than usual as she marched in the exact opposite direction of the purse-snatcher. She fumed for about five blocks before she calmed down enough to get a bearing on her location. She looked around… and had absolutely no idea where she was.
No problem- she would ask someone.
She looked around. She was alone. There was no one to ask.
No problem- she would call someone.
She opened her purse, shoved her hand in, and rummaged for her cell phone.
And rummaged.
And rummaged.
And rummaged.
She peered into her purse as a memory of leaving her cell phone on the charger in the dressing room flicked across her mind.
It was going to be a
very long night.
She zipped her purse shut, picked a direction, and walked.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“All right, Mr. Rowlf,” the nurse said brightly. “Just sign these forms, and you’re out of here.” She held out a clipboard and pen for him to take.
Rowlf lifted his cast-bound hands, looked at them, looked at the pen and clipboard, and looked at his paws. The casts separated his thumb just far enough from his fingers that he couldn’t grip much of anything. “Um…”
The nurse looked at the casts. “Oh,” she said. “Um…” She set the clipboard on the pull-out table and held the pen vertically, tip down. “Do your best?”
Rowlf eyed the pen, pinched it between his casts, and carefully lowered it to the paper. As soon as the pen touched, it slipped out of his scarcely-existent grip and clattered down.
“Oh here!” Fozzie quickly snatched the pen and held it out for Rowlf to take again- or at least try to take.
“Thanks.” Rowlf carefully took the pen between his casts with a little more pressure, and took it to the paper again. He carefully led it across the paper into the vague shape of his name. Then he let the pen fall and examined his handy work. “Well,” he said. “…Hopefully I won’t be writing much for a while.”
Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo peered over his shoulder.
“…Yeah,” Gonzo said.
The nurse examined the scribble of a signature. “Well we probably won’t take you to court over it,” she said. “All right, you’re free to go!”
“That’s good, ‘cause it’s not free to stay,” Rowlf said, and the four Muppets made their way to the waiting room to meet the others. “So let me guess,” Rowlf said as he walked a little slower than usual. “Everyone’s here?”
“Of course!” Fozzie said.
Kermit frowned and readjusted his face. “Not
quite everyone,” he said sullenly.
Rowlf turned his head, reading into his friend’s face. “Who’s not here?” he asked.
“Piggy…” Kermit’s eyes drifted to Rowlf’s casts. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, trying to sound casual.
Rowlf followed Kermit’s eyes to his casts, and then looked at the frog again. He decided not to push, but he reflected to himself that, although Kermit was the bigger actor, Rowlf was a better poker player than his amphibian friend.
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