The New Adventures of Letterman
Bill of Wrongs
A fanfic by Cullen Pittman
Today, we find ourselves in congress where a congressman holds up a paper to his fellow congressmen and congresswomen. "We've finally done it," said the man proudly, "We finally made a BILL to outlaw spellbinding. That infamous Spellbinder is in trouble now." Everyone in congress cheered, except for one uninvited guest.
"Is that so?" grumbled Spellbinder who was hiding in a nearby trashcan. "Well, I got news for you. The President isn't the only one who can veto bills." The villain takes out his dangerous wand, and removes the B from BILL, causing the BILL to disappear from the surprised congressman's hand. And not only that, all of congress suddenly became ILL.
"Uh oh, I'd better protect my beautiful nose and mouth and mustache," cackled Spellbinder as he put on a face mask and watched as each different member of congress caught a different illness. The head congressman caught the flu. Another congressman caught the mumps. A congresswoman caught the measles. And others caught diseases like chicken pox and hives, and they all collapsed on the floor sick.
The evil Spellbinder left the room as he put a quarantine sign on the door. "Why am I doing that?!" gasped our villain, "I want more people to come in there and get sick!" And he took the quarantine sign and wrote on the back, "Come in, it's a party!" And put it back on the door.
Oh, where's a doctor when you need one?! Or better yet, Letterman! And here he comes into the building. Faster than a Rolling O. Stronger than Silent E. Able to leap a Capital T in a single bound. It's a word, it's a plan, it's Letterman!
"I'm Letterman", said Letterman and he became shocked when he saw everyone in congress sick and quickly covered his mouth and nose with his turtleneck. "Oh my! What happened to you all? Did you forget to button your coats on this cold day?"
"The Spellbinder did this to us, COUGH, COUGH", said the head congressman, drooped in his chair. "He took away our bill and made us all ill. COUGH!"
"Do you know of any medicine to cure us?" coughed a congresswoman.
"Sorry", said Letterman, "I'm a Letterman, not a doctor. But I know how to cure you all." Saying that, Letterman removed the B from his chest. And turned the word ILL back into BILL. And suddenly, all of congress was cured and healthy again, and the head congressman found the bill back in his hand again.
"YAAAY!" shouted everyone.
"Thank you, Letterman," said the head congressman, shaking his hand. "Now that we have this bill back, I can rush it to the President so he can make it a law to outlaw spellbinding forever."
"Just doing my patriotic duty," smiled Letterman saluting.
"CURSES!" growled the Spellbinder grumbling through his face mask and then sneezing it off. "AUUGGHH!" gasped the Spellbinder, seeing red spots on his green hands. "Now I'm the one that's ill!" A secret service man with a face mask grabbed the spotted Spellbinder, threw him in a closet, and put a quarantine sign on the door.
Will the Spellbinder get better? And will he escape the security protected closet? And if he does, will he obey the new no spellbinding law? Not likely.
THE END
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