The corny joke thread

[FunnyBear]

Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Dishes.
Dishes Who?
Dishes me open the door!

 

[D'Snowth]

Read this on Facebook today... it's funny, 'cause it's true:

"If Obama came out in support of oxygen, Republicans would suffocate."

 

[Mo Frackle]

How many ears does Spock have?
The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.

What did one bean say to the other bean?
"How you bean?".

What did the policeman say to his bellybutton?
"You're under a vest".

How much does a hipster weigh?
An instagram.

 

[AquaGGR]

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"

What do ya call a bear without teeth?
A gummy bear.

Why are musicians so cool?
Because they have so many fans.

And now for one of the worst jokes I've ever heard...

What do ya call a room without walls?
A mushroom ( )

 

[D'Snowth]

If a dog gives birth to her puppies in a public place, can she get arrested for littering?

 

[dwayne1115]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?

Dwayne!

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the bath tub I'm drowning!

There I said it and no one else can now!

 

[Mo Frackle]

What does Miley Cyrus eat on Thanksgiving?
Twerkey.

Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?
Because he doesn't want to be spotted.

What do you say when you see a spaceman?
Park it in, man.

What did the wall say to the ceiling?
I'll meet you at the corner.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!

 

[cjd874]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a bottle of Heineken. He asks, "How much will it cost?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

Then the neutron's friend, the proton, walks up to the bar and asks for a shot of whiskey, a shot of vodka, and a shot of rum. The bartender asks, "Are you sure?"
The proton says, "Yes, I'm positive."

 

[Mo Frackle]

Why didn't the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.

 

[D'Snowth]

Here's an original, from yours truly:

Sure, a lot of kids see Mommy kissing Santa Claus, and what a laugh it would have been if Daddy had seen it, I'm sure.

What I'm more concerned about, however, is... how does Santa explain kissing all those Mommies to Mrs. Claus?