The "I'm amazed at how terrible this is" thread

[Drtooth]

So, I found out that Oddity Archive has a secret page that has full examples and odd commercials used in some of his episodes. It has several of the ...ahem...best of the Karaoke episodes. Including a full version of the Macarena video that I can only describe as a horrifying live action remake of an anime directed by Kunihiko Ikuhara (Revolutionary Girl Utena) that takes place in a Las Vegas style casino in the fiery depths of the underworld. But it also has this... and I'm going to have to do some tinkering with the link because this example has some strong language. Just copy the link and get rid of the space between the / and "watch"

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Bring the Pain in karaoke form.

https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=3Hr_QdFMtug

Two white people making out romantically. That's the visual. Supposedly the cuss words were edited out, but the N word is boldly there. Under white people. Making out romantically.

 

[mr3urious]

Two white people making out romantically. That's the visual. Supposedly the cuss words were edited out, but the N word is boldly there. Under white people. Making out romantically.

The Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuttin' to freak with!

 

[charlietheowl]

Two white people making out romantically. That's the visual. Supposedly the cuss words were edited out, but the N word is boldly there. Under white people. Making out romantically.

So romantic!

 

[LabyrinthLani]

This is just so icky that I had to make a new thread to introduce it. It certainly couldn't fit in the "Worst/Creepiest Puppetry" thread as crappy puppets would be an improvement.

But here's the first inductee. Popeye and Pals, a local TV kid's show.

That is just the most anemic kid's show of all time. Clearly at the tail end of the relevance (possibly even further) of the local Kiddy TV Hosts (which I'm sure older members will recognize from Bozo the Clown, and younger ones only from parody like Krusty and Uncle Nutsy's Funhouse from UHF...maybe even Patchy the Pirate from Spongebob if you're really young), this one doesn't even bother trying to get a costumed actor in and seemingly picks a Popeyes employee out of the backroom. So yeah. No actor attempting a Popeye accent or costume (come on... Popeye has an easy to imitate voice). Not even a generic Sea Captain. A chubby 40 year old woman (seemingly pointing to her arm fat with a microphone...yeah, that comment was mine) with no interest in being there tenth #^^edly interviewing kids too engrossed in the free Popeyes to even care. Well, to be fair, Popeyes is pretty good (even though I had a really bad incident several years back at a reststop in Maine location).

The only interesting thing in the "clubhouse" are painted wooden standees of Popeye characters and the fact they give out unlicensed cartoon character cakes from a local bakery as a "grand prize" and coupons for more Popeyes meals... you see back in the 80's they actually had Popeye associated with the chain even though that's Not the Popeye the place is named after.

Good golly gee! A show that advertises fried foods and cake as to being good for kids.
Not to mention, as you stated, how sad/lame this show is.
Waa-waa.

 

[Drtooth]

So romantic!

Pfft. At least they edited the word into "freakin'"

On the other hand, Kenny Rogers's "The Gambler" has a more apropos
country fair motif. Still manages to be awkward, though.

Good golly gee! A show that advertises fried foods and cake as to being good for kids.

It's not advertising that these things are good for kids, they're just advertising they exist which is what advertising is. The cake at least comes from a local mom and pop bakery, I'll give them that much. You see, back when these were a thing, the hosts would always give stuff away to get the kids to behave. Of course they'd just be cheap and give away their own food and coupons instead of toys and I think I heard about milk in little cartons one time. I'm sure most of the Popeye cartoons they showed were in the public domain. Still, this was when maybe there was some little local TV hosting things around, but near the end of their relevance.

 

[Drtooth]

Okay... I cheated with this one. These were on a Cracked article, so I didn't thumb through the usual Retrowinnipeg Youtube channel.

Here's a terrible ad for a local car dealership poorly lipsynched by a bunch of uninterested Baltimore Ravens team members.

How can that awful song and commercial be worse? Why if you replace uninterested lypsynching with incredible awkward and uninterested actual singing.

EDIT: Really should have finished the article.

Here's Mario Lemieux doing something questionable to a child. Not helping is the expression of confusion and dread the child has.

 

[Drtooth]

You'd think the prerequisite to making a Flintstones Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles ad would be knowing the characters and drawing them correctly...

You'd be wrong.

WOW! Would you believe there was animation worse than old Flintstone episodes? I sure as heck can't believe my eyes. But at least they didn't screw up the characters too much and made ads that are unappealing and creepy...

...aw crap...

 

[mr3urious]

When I heard "Fruity Monster", the first thing that came to mind was this:

 

[Drtooth]

Now that I slept on it, those Pebble ads almost remind me of "Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers."

 

[Drtooth]

I found this via TV Tropes via JonTron.

There's a movie called "A TALKING CAT!?!"

https://www.youtube.com /watch?v=m76z5mgv5_A (language, maybe?! Even as a review it erased my mind).

Seeing 20 minutes of JonTron reviewing that thing has given me (and you'll appreciate this)...reviewing that has given me all sorts of respect towards all those now not so terrible talking dog and animal movies. The words "I can't even!" have been thrown around too loosely these days, but I honestly, spiritually, and mentally cannot even. I've seen some terrible made for TV second hands on broadcast weekend syndication, but this is like the roughest draft of a (at a lack of a better descriptive channel) Lifetime movie about controlling parents. And by "roughest draft" it's like they filmed off of the Post-it notes used to block out outlines in the script. Out of order. Obviously, this stars the Z-est of Z-listers. That's a given. But look at the credits over the movie poster.

When you're biggest credit is Sigmund and the Seamonster, well... yeah. And a completely drunk, wasted Eric Roberts who probably read all his lines on a phone as a cat.

But the most astounding thing is that no matter how low budget this film is, no matter how cheaply made the thing could be, it was made in 2012. So, there's no excuse for this...

His freaking mouth that only moves when it's convenient is worse animated than a Health Hotline Kneebrace commercial. Why have his mouth even move? Look carefully, his mouth comes out above his top lip (or whatever that mouth like muzzle thing on a cat's mouth is). WOW! And it doesn't so much move as pulsate.