The Muppet Show script-Harry Secombe

[crazed gonzo fa]

Very well done Marty! I liked how you expanded the Vet's scene. I also really enjoyed the Fozzie scene. Can't wait for more! Thanks! (Sorry I took a while getting around to reading this)

 

[MartyMuppets]

Better late than never cgf

Let's bump this up so some other folk may have a chance to notice it.

 

[Fozzie Bear]

Superb work, Martin!

 

[Katzi428]

Great work,Martin!

 

[MartyMuppets]

I know I said that this was the "finalized" version of my TMS fan-fic script but my friend Dave Ebersole AKA Gorgon Heap, suggested some editorial changes that might make some of the lines shorter and less cumbersome. I am very grateful to him for his helpful support and maybe one day I shall re-submit the whole thing in its improved form. But for now I thought I'd post my re-writes of certain parts at the end of my thread.

First here's a revision of the backstage scene from the moment after the opening number to when Harry meets his back-up singers, the cows.

Kermit: (to T.R. and the hens) Perfect opening number, chickens. Well done.
(sees Gonzo looking a little downcast) Ah cheer up Gonzo. You sang very well in that number.
G: I know Kermit. But I just can't handle rejection. What has Fred got that I haven't got?
K: Well Gonzo, the two of you are indeed very different. In the first place you're not even a rooster.
G: Well, if you want to dither about a minor technical detail...
K: Then there's the crow. Hens are attracted when roosters crow.
G: Hey, I can crow just as well myself.
K: Do you really think you can Gonzo?
G: Of course Kermit. Just listen to me. (takes a deep breath then cries out croakily)
Cawk-a-doo-doo-dle-dooie!
(repeats it twice then Beautiful Day Monster runs up from behind with a club and knocks him unconscious to the floor)
BDM: I just had to put the poor thing out of its misery.
(BDM runs off before Kermit can say anything)
(Harry Secombe appears walking down the stairs from the dressing rooms)
K: Hello Harry.
HS: Hello Kermit. I'm so very thrilled to be on your show tonight.
K: And we're all so pleased you could join us Harry.
HS: Have you got my back-up singers for "Moon River"?
K: Oh yes. Hey everybody. Come and meet Mr.Secombe.
(5 or 6 cows surround Harry moo-ing at him.
HS: (smiling broadly towards the camera) I really should have been expecting this. (He laughs as the cows all start to moo again in response)

It's very late for me now so I'll add some other pieces of revision later on.

 

[MartyMuppets]

Here's some other little bits that can be shortened

The Houses Joke

House 1: My son is in law enforcement.
House 2: He's a policeman?
House 1: No, he's a prison.

Statler and Waldorf in the box after "Moon River"

Waldorf: Weren't those cows annoying?
Statler: They were pathetic. Made me sick.
(2 bulls suddenly appear, snorting and making angry threatening noises)
W: Uh, weren't those cows delightful?
S: Oh yeah, wonderful! Made me glad.
(the bulls give one final snort like a warning and exit, leaving Statler and Waldorf trembling in their seats)

 

[crazed gonzo fa]

Awesome! I think it greatly improves the scenes! Thanks for sharing!

 

[MartyMuppets]

I'm very pleased you like the changes cgf. Here's a few more.

Statler and Waldorf after the "I Dream of Jeannie" number

Waldorf: You know, I really feel sorry for poor Jeannie.
Statler: I should have offered to go with her instead. Then I'd have gotten out of this theater.
(Statler sulks while Waldorf stares incredulously at him then turns to the camera)

 

[MartyMuppets]

The other suggested changes come from the running dialogue Kermit has with George, Sweetums etc. regarding the backstage plot with the monsters.
So I thought I'd quote it and post the changed parts for easy comparison.

G: Kermit. I have a big complaint to make.
K: What is it George?
G: I am getting sick and tired of having to constantly clean up the mess that the monsters are always making in the canteen. It has got to stop.
K: Okay George. I promise to do something. (notices Sweetums nearby) Oh hey Sweetums. I want to speak to you.
S: Yes Kermit.
K: Listen Sweetums. George here is very unhappy about the way all the other monsters are making messes in the canteen. It must stop.
S: Well I'm sorry Kermit. But it's really in a monster's nature to be messy. They can't help being what they are.
K: Nevertheless Sweetums, they are going to have to learn to change their habits. (notices a what-not appearing in the background) Hey Charlie. Can you come here please?
C: Yes Mr.Frog?
K: Charlie I'd like you to go with Sweetums and give the other monsters instructions in good, clean, tidy habits. They've been messing up the canteen and causing poor George here extra work. I'll pay you for your troubles.
C: Okay Mr.Frog. I'll do it.
K: Thank you. You'll be sure to help Charlie with his task, won't you Sweetums?
S: Very well Kermit. But I'm telling you it's all just going to be a waste of time. (He and Charlie head off)
K: Are you happy with the action I've taken George?
G: Yeah. But it had better gain good results or else I'll downright refuse to clean up after those monsters anymore.

K: Listen Sweetums. George here is very unhappy about all the monsters making messes in the canteen.
S: I'm sorry Kermit. But it's a monster's nature to be messy.


K: There, are you happy, George?
G: Yeah. But it had better work or else I'll never clean up after those monsters again.
K: Well maybe they'll start eating up their own mess along with the rest of their meals.
G: That sounds promising. They should have enough appetite between them for that.

 

[MartyMuppets]

(Hilda appears with Charlie)
Hilda: Kermit. Charlie wants to speak to you.
Charlie: Yes Mr. Frog. I feel very lousy after what all those monsters did to me in the canteen.
K: Oh Charlie. I heard about it. And I do so sincerely apologize for the way you were treated.
C: I should hope you're sorry. I always thought it was unpleasant enough when a single muppet monster eats one of the rest of us sometimes. But when several of them do it at once. Believe me it is not something you ever want to go through again.
HS: You poor fellow. You must have felt terrible. All torn up and down in the mouth.
C: Yeah. Several mouths in fact.
K: Here Charlie. Have some extra pay for compensation.
(Charlie pockets the money just as Sweetums appears halfway down the stairs)
Sweetums: Hey Charlie. The gang were all wondering if you'd join us for a drink?
(Charlie races out the backstage exit screaming)

Charlie: Yes, Mr.Frog, I feel very lousy after what happened in the canteen.
Kermit: Poor Charlie, I heard about it, and on behalf of the monsters, I want to apologize.
C: I should hope so. I've heard of being down in the mouth, but down in SEVERAL?
HS: You poor fellow. You must have felt all torn up and...
C: (cutting Harry off) Please don't say all torn up!
HS: Oh excuse me.