Chapter Thirty-One
The Next Day
June 22, 1975
It was hot. Out the window, vegetation was scarce. The sun was beating down on the station wagon. They had reached the inescapable conclusion that they were in a desert.
But it wasn’t the desert itself that made them so uncomfortable. Nor was it the fact that Fozzie was singing whatever song came to mind, at whatever volume he pleased. It was not the fact that Camilla had lost interest in everything but breathing in and breathing out, to keep her mind off the heat. It wasn’t Gonzo’s intermittently vocalized speculations on the chances a Whatever had in Hollywood, and it wasn’t Rowlf’s thoughtfully vacant gaze.
The source of their discomfort was directly related to the frown on Kermit’s face. He still refused to forgive himself for the previous night’s behavior and, more importantly, emotions.
Rowlf and Fozzie both had enough of a mind not to mention those behaviors and emotions, especially with Gonzo and Camilla in the car. Of course, Gonzo and Camilla knew better than to mention the previous night, too. So everyone in the car was walking on eggshells, waiting for someone else to slip up and say something that shouldn’t be said. The sun added to the resulting tension. And then, just to make matters worse, Fozzie ran out of songs.
He reluctantly decided to try small talk. “Kermit?” he asked, “How long is it to Hollywood?”
“Well we’ve gotta be there by tomorrow,” Kermit said, not really answering the question.
Gonzo was tired of waiting for someone to slip up. “Hey Kermit!” he said. “Are you gonna get an agent, like that pig had?”
It was either a relief or a disappointment that the tension level did not change.
“Gonzo,” Fozzie lightly scolded, “You know he’s touchy about that.”
Looking out the window, Kermit sat a little straighter and wondered if his eyes were deceiving him. Surrounded by the heat of the desert, right there on the side of the road, was the very image of cool, calm, collectedness, a patient but bored and beautiful face.
The others noticed, too. “Hey- what’s that?” Rowlf said.
“Oh no!” Fozzie added.
“I… I don’t believe that,” Kermit sputtered. He leaned out the window to get a better look.
She was dressed in the most fashionable fashion, comfortably perched on a large suitcase, holding out the hitchhiker’s thumb.
“Piggy?” Kermit said.
Her face lit up with a delighted smile when she saw him. “Kermit!” she called happily. She slipped off of the suitcase and lifted it with a grunt.
Kermit ducked back into the car, which Fozzie had pulled to a stop. “That’s Piggy,” he said, as if they didn’t know. He had expected to never see her again. But here she was.
“Do you think we should help her with her bag?” Rowlf asked as he watched her struggle to bring the suitcase closer.
There was a communal hesitation. “No,” they agreed in unison. She had hurt one of them.
“What an
unbelievable coincidence!” Miss Piggy said as she opened the car door and forced herself and her bag into the front seat between Fozzie and Kermit. She turned around to face the back seat. “Hello again, it’s me,” she said sweetly. “Would you hold my vanity case?” And she chucked her suitcase to them with a muffled “Hi-ya!”
It landed between Gonzo and Rowlf with a thud. Kermit grudgingly closed the car door.
“Well!” Miss Piggy said, settling in. Fozzie pulled back onto the road.
“Well what,” Kermit said as he tried to ignore the scent of her perfume. He looked straight ahead.
Miss Piggy looked around at the others in the car, alive with chatter. “So much has happened to me since I saw you last.”
They grumbled. Why should they care? She had hurt one of them.
“Frankly, Miss Piggy, I don’t give a hoot,” Kermit said, still keeping his eyes forward.
Following his lead, no one else in the car spoke to Miss Piggy, or for that matter, spoke at all. She assessed the awkward silence. Small talk was unacceptable. She had hurt one of them. Fozzie reached and snapped on the radio.
Kermit was pointedly faced away from her. She put one soft, purple-gloved hand on his back. Rowlf, Gonzo, and Camilla took turns staring at them. “Kermie,” Miss Piggy whispered sweetly.
Kermit glanced at her, frowning at the hand on his back. “Yeah?”
She hesitated. “I missed you,” she whimpered genuinely.
He shrugged it off, forcing himself to focus on the window.
She’s nothing but trouble for me, he thought.
But she pressed on. “Don’t I get
one… kissy-kissy?” she asked.
Gonzo, Camilla, and Rowlf intensified their stares. Fozzie glanced at the pig. After all she did to Kermit, she wanted a kiss?
“Uh… No, I… I don’t think so, Miss Piggy,” Kermit said. Did she
have to sit so close?
“Oh, just
one little hug,” she begged.
He sighed. Knowing she probably wouldn’t give up, he sat back and let her hug him.
She squeezed him so close that he could-
No, Kermit, DON’T smell her skin! But with her gloved arm tight around his shoulder, she was forcing him to cuddle, pushing herself into his lap. Whether he wanted to or not, he could smell past her perfume to that perfect scent. He tried to fight it, but he couldn’t struggle free. “Oh… Piggy…” he whined.
“Kermie,” she murmured.
He put his head against her chest- he couldn’t reach her shoulder.
I can’t have this, he thought.
I want this. But I can’t have this. Fozzie glanced at them. This was getting awkward.
“
You’ve been listening to music to hug frogs by,” the radio announced. “
And this is Doc Hopper, sayin’ that if Kermit the Frog don’t stop right now and call me, and agree to be my national spokesman, he will soon be a frog burger.”
Suddenly everyone in the car was sitting up stick-straight. Every face was alarmed.
“Kermie!” Miss Piggy cried. She looked at him. They all did.
Kermit gulped. “We’ll be okay,” he said.
They believed him.
And then the car broke down.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kermit tried to take in every inch of the night sky as he slowly walked back to the small campfire they had built. They couldn’t do anything to change the fact that they were stranded in the desert, or that they would have to miss those “open auditions for frogs” the next day. But Gonzo had sung something pretty, and that had helped some of them. And now that Kermit had had a good, private talk with- well, with himself- he felt better.
As he neared the fire, his heart stopped, then leapt with joy. He had left only five figures around the fire. Now there were
eleven figures waiting for him. And he could recognize faces on the far side of the circle, and he would have known the nearest silhouette anywhere in the world.
"JIM!" Kermit called out. Sure enough, that was Jim Henson there, laughing with Rowlf, who was next to Fozzie, who was smiling at Frank Oz, who was competing for Miss Piggy's attention with Richard Hunt, much to the pig's delight. And next to Richard was Jerry Nelson, who was somehow conversing with Camilla, who was occasionally dodging the hand gestures of Dave Goelz, who was having a wild conversation with Gonzo, with occasional input from Jerry Juhl.
Kermit couldn't help but grin as he sat down between Jim and Jerry. He had known these two groups would meet at some point. He hadn't expected it to happen behind his back.
Jim put his hand on Kermit’s back. “Kermit,” he said with a smile,” We need to talk.”
“You can say that again,” Kermit said.
“Kermit,” Jim said with a smile, “We need to talk.”
They chuckled.
“First of all,” Jim looked around. “How’d you end up stuck in this desert?”
“Well, we drove here,” Kermit said, “And then the car broke down.”
“I see,” Jim said. “So what were you going to do?”
Kermit shrugged. “Wait for someone to come.”
Jim smiled. “Good thing we came,” he said.
“Oh, a
very good thing,” Kermit agreed.
Jim gestured around the circle. “I’m curious how you ran into them,” he said.
Kermit nodded. “I’ll tell you some time,” he said. His gaze swept around the circle, hesitating with a momentary frown at Miss Piggy.
Jim noticed and nodded towards her with a question in his eyes.
Kermit shrugged half-heartedly. They would talk about it later.
“Hey,
wait a second,” Fozzie said, suddenly getting everyone’s attention. He was looking from side to side outside of the circle. Finally he pointed. “
That log used to be over
there!”
“Which log was where?” Rowlf asked, turning to look.
“There,” Fozzie said. “Where that log is.”
“Fozzie?” Kermit said apprehensively, “Are you sure the logs switched places?”
“No he’s right,” Frank said, “Because that rock is where
that log was.”
“The rocks move, too?” Dave asked.
“Maybe Santa’s elves are in them,” Gonzo half-mumbled.
“
What?” Miss Piggy said.
“It’s from a special we did a while back,” Frank explained.
Jim hesitated, then nodded.
“How is all of that stuff moving?” Fozzie asked.
“Unicorns,” Richard said with a perfectly straight face.
“Unicorns?” Fozzie repeated.
Richard nodded gravely. “Unicorns,” he said. “They come and they move stuff around in the desert so no one can find their way home.”
“Oh,” Fozzie said. “That’s not very nice.”
“Who said unicorns were nice?” Jerry Juhl said.
Fozzie warily peered out into the darkness. “But I don’t see any unicorns,” he said.
“Oh they’re invisible,” Richard said.
“Oh,” Fozzie said.
“So let me get this straight,” Gonzo said. “You’re saying that these invisible, evil unicorns come and rearrange the desert so that no one can get home?”
Richard nodded.
“COOL!” Gonzo said.
Kermit let it sink in. He turned to Jim, whose face seemed strained. “Where’s Don?” he asked.
Jim immediately burst into laughter.
The other new comers followed suit. Kermit groaned, Rowlf sighed, and everyone else was confused.
“DON!” Kermit called out into the air.
A head popped up from behind the log Fozzie was sitting on. “Yeah?”
“AHHH!” Fozzie jumped to his feet and most everyone else laughed. The bear stared as the head grew into an entire laughing man. “YOU were moving the logs!” he pointed.
The man took the pointing hand and shook it. “Hi, I’m Don Sahlin, nice to meet you,” he said.
Kermit shook his head. “Sheesh.” He turned to Jim. “So, are we going to Hollywood, or what?”
Jim glanced at his watch. “If you want to make those auditions tomorrow,” he said.
“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Kermit stood up.
“Yes sir!” Fozzie said, and they all hurried into the large van their rescuers had come in.
Jim watched as his amphibian friend took command, and he couldn’t help but beam with pride.
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