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Meeting at Schotsky's

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by WebMistressGina, Jul 6, 2012.

  1. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Well, like so many things that happen in my mind, the original idea that I was going to start on Grosse Point has been eliminated by another idea entirely. So, this idea comes from something I had wondered when I saw the Muppet Movie again as an adult - is the movie a true true story or a Hollywood True Story? I believe it's ToGa who had started a pretty in-depth story of how the Muppets came together and it furthered along my idea that the movie is, as Kermit puts it, "more or less" true to the actual story.

    Well, thanks to some HIMYM nightly marathons, this idea was fleshed out and went knocking at my brain. So, here we go, folks, with another fic!

    Everyone who is anyone knows who the Muppets are. From leader and director Kermit the Frog to leading lady and diva Miss Piggy to comedian Fozzie Bear; there are very few people who don’t know or haven’t seen anything that the consummate felt actors have done or been in.

    In the summer of 1980, the Muppets first came to the big screen, sharing with their friends and fans how they came together as a group. In the movie, a young Robin the Frog – nephew to Kermit – sat in the audience and asked if the movie was the true story of how the Muppets met; Kermit’s reply was, “More or less.”

    Many have pondered what the frog met by that. As with everything in Hollywood, sometimes there’s more to the story than what is shown onscreen and sometimes the Hollywood version is only a condensed version of what really happened.

    Want to know how the Muppets really got together? Well, here is that story and that story actually starts in present day…

    Meeting at Schotsky's

    Ch. I: Do You Remember That?

    Lunch time at the Muppet Theatre was chaotic, which is to say that it was business as usual. The old time vaudeville theater turned show home to the zany group of actors was normally a wild and crazy, suited to the performers that passed through the doors day and night. This particular Friday was the start of what the performers’ called ‘pre-show weekend’ and what most regulars called ‘the weekend of ****’.

    Reason being was that Fridays always started the dress rehearsals for their Muppet Show performances; shows were routinely put on Sundays, with a television crew in the audience to tape the mayhem that usually happened. The preceeding Friday and Saturday were usually the time in which performances were reviewed, approved, or nixed according to the director and stage manager or even the performers themselves.

    On this Friday, everything was going to plan – in a hand basket. Already, the staff and crew had put out three fires (two hypothetical, one literal), had stopped a riot in the veggie union, and managed to renegotiate their contract with the electric company. All in all, a good day.

    Down in the lower level of the theatre was the cantina, which was run off and on by Gladys Westmussler and the Swedish Chef. No one would ever accuse the two of knowing exactly what ingredients they put into whatever dish it was they called food, but they were at least being fed which was more than they could really say about being paid. Various tables were set up around the food court, though usually more than the allotted amount of people would crowd around certain tables.

    At a four person table, Kermit the Frog, The Great Gonzo, Rowlf the Dog, and Scooter Grosse were trying to find out what the surprise was in their surprise casserole, a prospect that usually got them to either eat or discard that day’s offering. “Ten bucks on some sort of vegetable mix up,” Rowlf was saying. The other three were poised in watching and waiting as Scooter picked up his fork with the mysteriously colored yellow contraption on it.

    “Ten bucks says you’ll spit it right back out,” Gonzo replied.

    “That’s a given,” the stage manager grumbled. He had been wary about the meal when it wouldn’t fall off his fork once it had been turned upside down.

    “Scooter,” Kermit admonished him. “If you’re not going to eat it…”

    “Why? You want it?”

    “What’re you? Crazy?” the frog exclaimed. “I’m not eating that!”

    “C’mon on, Kermit,” Gonzo egged. “I’ll give you five bucks if you do.”

    “Getting my stomach pumped will cost more than five bucks.”

    “Not if you let Dr. Bob do it,” Rowlf said, wagging his eyebrows.

    Kermit gave him a look of incredulouscy. “I might as well eat the blob on Scooter’s plate.”

    Their banter was quickly interrupted by the sudden and frantic arrival of the show’s comic, Fozzie Bear. It was clear the bear must have run through the entire theatre just to reach them and that whatever he planned to tell them was of great importance because not only was he panting from lack of air, but he had taken off his signature pork pie hat and was wringing it along with a section of newspaper.

    He quickly stammered out a reply that strangely sounded like, “Hi me habble bobble lie!”

    “Fozzie,” Kermit said, calmly. “Slow down. You know you tend to ramble when you’re excited.”

    “Hi me habble bobble lie.”

    “Think before you speak.”

    Taking a deep breath, not only to get more air to his brain but to calm himself, the bear thrust the newspaper in the face of his boss and friend and announced, “They’re tearing down Schotsky’s!”

    “What?” Kermit exclaimed, taking the shoved paper and reading it over.

    “No way!” Gonzo protested. “Why? That place is great!”

    “Here it is,” Kermit began, reading the article quickly. “Long in being a popular local establishment, Schotsky’s in recent years has seen a dwindle in patrons, which equals a lull in business and profits. Schotsky’s is slated for demolition in the upcoming weeks in order to…Fozzie, where’s the rest of the article?”

    Fozzie, who was still worrying his hat slightly, seemed to pick up speed as he realized what must have happened. “Sorry Kermit,” the comic replied, downtrodden. “I guess I was in such a hurry to show you guys the article, I may have ripped it out of the paper.”

    “No worries, Foz,” Scooter piped up. “That’s probably the Sun and it’s online. We’ll just check it on my laptop when it get upstairs.”

    “Man,” Rowlf sighed. “I hoped that isn’t true. We had some good times at that bar.”

    “You’ve been?” Scooter asked.

    “Oh yeah!” Fozzie responded. “We’d go there at least once a week. I got my start there, you know?”

    “You did?” the stage manager. “I always thought that part about El Sleezo’s was right.”

    “Well, I did work a place called El Sleezo’s,” Fozzie continued. “But I got my start right here at Schotsky’s.”

    “We had our first unofficial meeting there, remember?” Rowlf asked, looking at Kermit.

    “We officially met there,” the frog replied, pointing between him and the dog.

    “Really?” Scooter asked, excitedly. While known to be in the know when it came to anything in regards to the group, there were some things that the stage manager actually didn’t know; like Kermit’s nephew, Scooter hadn’t heard the ‘official’ version of how the original and founding members met, taking his information from the script of their first movie.

    “Oh yeah,” Rowlf said, leaning back in his chair. “Geez, how long ago was that? I still remember…”

    More later today!
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    So this is running from Scooter coming in with the Mayhem at the rundown church and not knowing any of the real real story that came before in the first movie?
    ;) I was in the first movie.
    I know, that's what we're asking her to clear up.
    Other than the general confusion, this sounds promising and we want to read more. Post more please?
  3. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Wow, more please!
  4. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Well, not exactly.

    Basically, it's kinda like a tie in from TMS to that of TMM. Granted, I saw the movies before I ever really knew about the show (other that Kermit was on Sesame Street) and really, the move is kinda Hollywood if you stop to think that this group of chickens, bears, pigs, frogs, and whatevers is being chased down by some frog leg chain.

    Anyway, when you think about it - and believe me, I have - Scooter couldn't possibly be the manager for the Mayhem. If he came to the show at 14, 15 and the movie is place, oh let's say a year or two before they started the show, that makes him 12, 13. And I'm pretty sure he wasn't managing a band at that age (contrary to what the Naked Brothers Band would tell you)

    Well it just so happens that I have the rest of chapter one right here. So, just to help a bit - each chapter will usually start in the present and then will segway back to the past. I actually made a bit of a mistake in this part as I thought that Kermit and Rowlf appeared together before Sesame Street, however both Muppet Wiki & Wikipedia proved me wrong, so you get this output instead.

    chap I continued

    The Past – 1960’s

    Hollywood, he decided, was a pretty big place.

    For one young, wide eyed frog, the lights and big names of Hollywood were as intimidating as getting a lecture from his stern father. This frog named Kermit had traveled a long way from the swamps of Louisiana to come here; all on a hunch and a dream.

    There weren’t too many frogs like Kermit; most of his family were quite happy with their lives in the swamps – sitting around, laughing, playing, eating June bugs – but Kermit had always wanted more than that. Even when he was a tadpole, he had big dreams. They didn’t have much, when he was able to venture out on his own and get into some of the nearby towns, that’s when he discovered this thing called radio, where he could hear the voices of people coming from the little tiny speaker system. And then, came something called television and everything Kermit knew about the world changed.

    And his dreams of making people happy by doing something he loved suddenly clicked and was made clear. He would achieve that dream and he would do it through the television. Of course, the swamps of Louisiana are completely different from that of the big city of Hollywood and while Kermit always had the dream, he knew realistically that he could never truly make it happen.

    Until he came face to face with a talent agent.

    This guy – Bernie something or other – was clearly a city boy on his first ever outing in the country and was very eager to get back to that life of bright lights and big sounds. How he managed to get so lost, Kermit – nor Bernie – knew, but the agent had come across the banjo playing frog and was not only stunned – how many frogs play banjo? – but impressed. Doing something he rarely did, he handed over his card and told the frog to look him up whenever he got to Hollywood.

    After careful examination and explanation and inner struggle, Kermit decided this was the best opportunity he’d probably get, so he jumped on it. Taking what he had, with some help from thousands of family members, Kermit the Frog managed a bus ticket to Hollywood. And after stepping off the bus, he immediately went and bought a bike to travel with. He didn’t have much, but thankfully a near miss with a car gave him a little extra; he still needed to find some cheap lodgings and that’s what brought him to a rather questionable area of the city.

    The bright lights that he had seen on TV were a bit dimmer here and he saw things he probably shouldn’t be seeing as he walked down the sidewalk. The sounds of laughter and music caught his attention however, which were coming from some place called ‘Schotsky’s’. Kermit had certainly seen bars before, but he had never been in one and he was under the impression that bars were where biker gangs and sailors hung out, but the raucous noise of piano playing stirred the musician in him and he couldn’t help but want to peek in.

    If it was dim outside, this place was slight brighter. It was relatively small, with a few tables and booths scattered around; in one corner seemed to be the majority of the bar’s patrons and also where the sounds of the piano and what the frog now recognized as singing coming from it. He had never heard the song before, but it sounded kinda jazzy and upbeat, though he attributed it to the loud and boisterous tenor who was singing.

    They call her hard hearted Hannah,
    The vamp of Savannah,
    The meanest gal in town.
    Talk of your cold, refrigeratin’ mamas
    Oh brother, she’s a polar bear’s pajamas!

    For the shorter frog, Kermit couldn’t see who the singer was, but it was obvious that they were a regular or at least should have been. Seeing an open place at the bar, the frog took a seat and listened to the rest of the song, only ordering a water to start – and completely missing the annoyance on the bartender’s face at the request. When the pianist finished, he clapped along with everyone else and watched as the sea of men and women parted, allowing the pianist and singer to step away.

    It was a dog, a brown dog to be exact, with floppy brown ears that shook whenever he moved his head. He was shaking hands with men and receiving kisses and pats on the head from the women around. The dog headed towards the bar, taking the seat next to Kermit, and ordering himself one beer; the bartender must’ve known him because the beer was on the house, as well as the bowl of kibble that went with it.

    “That was an incredible number you did,” Kermit spoke, causing the dog to look at him.

    “Oh thanks,” the pup replied, nodding at the compliment. “Just a little something I do. Hey, you’re new around here, aren’t you?”

    “That obvious, huh?”

    “Well, I just meant that I know just about everybody here,” the dog continued. “And I think I’d recall a talking frog.”

    “I hope you’re not confusing me with that cartoon frog,” Kermit groused.

    “Depends,” the dog replied. “Do you sing and dance?”

    “I can.”

    “Okay,” he said. “Is your name Michigan?”

    “No,” Kermit said. “Why?”

    “That’s the name of the other frog.”

    “They named him after a state?” the non-cartoon frog asked. “Why not call him Kansas or Ohio or something?”

    “You’re talking about the company who’s mascot is a talking rabbit,” the dog chuckled. “Don’t even get me started on the folks with the talking mouse.”

    “They’re a lot of talking animals in Hollywood.”

    “And some of those aren’t even people,” the dog joked, causing his companion to laugh along with him. Holding out a paw, he replied with, “Rowlf, Rowlf the Dog.”

    “Kermit,” the frog said, taking said paw with a flipper and shaking it. “Kermit the Frog.”

    “Hey, that rhymes,” Rowlf chuckled.

    Kermit couldn’t help but chuckle himself. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

    “So what’s a frog like you doing in a place like this?”

    “What else?” the frog said. “Trying to find fame and fortune, I guess. I have this crazy dream of entertaining people and making them happy. I thought, what better place to try than Hollywood?”

    “That’s a good plan,” Rowlf nodded. “And I think I might be able to help you out. I do this little show on TV and it just so happens that one of the guys I work with wants to go out and do the same kind of dream you have…”

    And of course, here's the song featured by the ever great Ella Fitzgerald.

  5. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    The only thing I have to say...

    The swamps of Louisiana?
    Other than that, this second half chapter was amusing and nice to read about the meeting between :) and :sympathy: where, wait for it...
    Their meeting at a bar called Shotsky's.
    Tom Servo: Yes, we have a title!
    I've gotten so much mileage out of that quip, :sing:
    Good stuff with grousing over their animated POPCORN peers. *Look it up on Muppet Wiki).

    Thanks and hope to read more when you can post it.
  6. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Woo hoo! I got warm fuzzies from it...
    More please.
  7. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    I done heard from Kermit himself that he is from that way. That's actually true; I was watching a recent episode of Ellen (well, the one during the 2012 movie release) and IIRC, Ellen mentioned that they were both from the same area, as Ellen is from Louisiana. Kermit mentioned that he was further from her because he was in the swamps.

    I'll have to find that clip, but I'm sure I saw it on YouTube when I had taken an uexpectant YouTube video walk (like a Wiki walk, but on YT).

    Again, for whatever reason, my latest obsession with HIMYM actually put this idea into prospective; that is, I originally had the idea, but it seemed to flesh itself out a bit more the more I'm watching the show. It also helped with Grosse Point, which I am also working on. Hopefully.

    Kermit and Rowlf aren't the only ones who will be meeting at Schotsky's. :confused:

    Uh...so I looked up 'popcorn' and 'animate popcorn' and 'popcorn peers' and 'animated popcorn peers' on Muppet Wiki and it thought I was crazy. So I'm guessing I don't get it. :o

    I don't know why, but Kermit's reply that Rowlf was thinking of a certain cartoon frog just came to me, though I've heard and seen them make enough references to their new bosses of the talking mouse to get the gist. I think.

    More in a bit!
  8. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Here's chapter two until I get home!

    Chap II – Good Grief! The Comedian’s a Bear

    Back in the present day, four highly disappointed Muppets were making their way upstairs to the theatre proper, where the stage, dressing rooms, and usual Muppet antics took place. The group of five had just been given the news that a popular mainstay of theirs, Schotsky’s, was slated for demolition in the upcoming weeks and while the reasons were currently unknown, it still didn’t stop four of the group from being extremely solemn about the news.

    As they made their way from the cantina to that of upstairs, Scooter had begun to inquire just how Fozzie had gotten his start at completely different bar than he was led to believe. As one of the younger members of the troupe, Scooter didn’t know much about the Muppets before they had rented the theatre from his uncle and before he began working there; he had gathered bits and pieces of the puzzle by just working with those he called friends and family.

    While he had been aware that not all of what they portrayed in their first movie was true – after all, there had been laws that prevented him from managing a group like the Electric Mayhem – but there were parts of it that he had believed had been true, such as Fozzie’s start and his eventual meeting with Kermit.

    “So my uncle let me take his car,” Fozzie was explaining. “And I made the drive out here. Luckily, I had some relatives out in the redwoods and stuff, but even still, if I hadn’t heard about Schotsky’s, I’d be one out of luck bear.”

    “So you started doing standup at Schotsky’s?” Scooter asked. “When did you get to El Sleezo’s?”

    “Oh I was doing both,” the bear replied. “But I had my first ever gig at Schotsky’s. In fact, I’d only be doing my act for a few months when Kermit came in. Hey Kermit, you remember that?”

    “Of course I do,” the frog griped, though he sent a smile the bear’s way. “I still have the bruises to prove it.”

    “Ah, it wasn’t that bad,” Fozzie replied, though he did blush sheepishly. “Those bottles never even touched us.”

    Scooter shot the two a look of confusion. “You remember that scene in our first movie?” Kermit asked. “The one where Fozzie was almost bear tar tar?”


    “Well that really happened,” Kermit said. “It just didn’t happen at El Sleezo’s. Well…not the first time anyway…”

    The Past – 1970s

    Comedy was changing in the world. No more were the snide remarks or witty banter that was usually present on the screen and stage of the radio era. Now, people wanted realism, they wanted truth. It was a hard world out there and people wanted to be told it was a hard world.

    Well, not Fozzie Bear.

    He had grown up with the great comedy legends – Bob Hope, Jack Benny, George Burns – and ever since the first time his mother put him in front of a radio to listen to her favorite broadcasts, the bear cub had been hooked. He liked the way people laughed when something funny happened and for him – a rather shy, gentle, and non-violent bear at heart – making people laugh on purpose was a lot better than having them laugh at him for no purpose at all.

    But by the time he had plucked up the courage to move from his Upper East Coast roots, the landscape of comedy was changing. From the happy go lucky times of Dick Van Dyke came the hard hitting reality of Maude; from the Sid Caesar show to that of Laugh-In; it was hard being a comedian, especially one who was trying to get back to the very roots which inspired him in the first place.

    Tonight, he was marking his first six months in the big city of Hollywood by working Schotsky’s. Out of all of the bars and comedy clubs he had gotten in to – mainly that and a creepy place called El Sleezo’s – Schotsky’s was by far the nicest and safest place he would possibly work in. Forget that the owner was nice to him, but the crowd was generally nice with the splatter of applause when he managed to score one out of the park.

    Tonight however he must’ve come on a bad night and it showed.

    The original headliner had cancelled for whatever reason and Fozzie had been picked to fill in. Unfortunately, the headliner was some big shot, big trouble type of comedian and the people that normally came to his shows were also big shots and big trouble; tonight’s crowd was made up of members from the very scary and very dangerous ****’s Angels bike gang and they were not liking the bear’s brand of comedy.

    Not. One. Bit.

    Fozzie wasn’t the only one was felt they had stepped into some weird Twilight Zone episode. Rowlf the Dog and Kermit the Frog had been coming in to Schotsky’s for a drink for several years, ever since they met back at the bar all those years ago. Rowlf had been co-star to legendary singer Jimmy Dean and Kermit had been a wide eyed country frog who wanted to make his way in show business.

    That chance meeting had led to exactly that, with Rowlf and Jimmy introducing the frog to a man named Jim Henson, who was branching out on his own in television after getting his start on the Jimmy Dean Show as well. Henson tapped Kermit to co-star in a short series of shows called Sam & Friends and while the show hadn’t gotten completely off the ground, it had inspired Henson to think on something else. A one-time conversation with Henson, Dean, Rowlf, and Kermit had brought up the fact that there weren’t any learning shows for kids; with the way the world was changing, so many shows were aimed at adults and many of those shows weren’t meant for kids to watch.

    The group had equally lamented that they themselves had families or had siblings with families and watching young children not learn everything they could was disheartening. That’s when Henson came up with the premise of a show aimed at kids, which would have kids learning at the same time the children at home were. He had asked both Rowlf and Kermit to help him pitch the idea and while initially Kermit was a bit leery on the idea, when the concept sold it was the frog they wanted on.

    So while Kermit went on to a place called Sesame Street, Rowlf was free to pursue his first love, which was music. But even with their separate paths, the two friends always tried to meet up when they could and they always met up at Schotsky’s. It was that particular night that the two managed to landed themselves in the middle of a large amount of bikers, which for Schotsky’s was a weird type of clientele all together.

    “It’s not that I don’t love being on the show,” the frog was saying, once they had taken their seats. “It’s just…”

    “You’re not a kid,” the dog supplied.

    “Yeah,” Kermit sighed. “But it’s more than that. So much of TV is either aimed at adults or kids, but have you noticed there isn’t anything aimed at both?”

    “What do you mean?”

    “Well, look at that Laugh-In show…”

    “That’s a pretty funny show.”

    “Right,” the frog said. “But kids wouldn’t know that, cause they don’t get half of the jokes. And that’s assuming that they’re even up to watch it.”

    “So what do you want to do, Kermit?” Rowlf asked, looking at the frog. “Make your own show?”

    “I don’t know,” the frog sighed again. “Just…something. I can’t be on Sesame Street forever. Can I?”

    “If your contract holds out, sure.”

    The two continued to discuss their present situations, all the while noting that more and more bikers were coming in and not going out. “Hey Rowlf?” Kermit whispered, throwing a concerned look over his shoulder.


    “What’re all of these bikers doing here?”

    “Didn’t you hear?” the dog began, leaning forward in order to keep his voice low. “They had Rocco Mars scheduled to perform tonight.”


    “Rocco Mars,” Rowlf repeated, motioning Kermit to take the seat next to him so they wouldn’t have to whisper so loudly. “He works blue, you know, that’s in right now. Anyway, I was talking to Sheila earlier and she said he cancelled; unfortunately, I don’t think the message got to our leather friends here.”

    “That…can’t be good.”


    “So,” Kermit gulped. He’d seen enough biker movies to know not to get on the bad side of one, especially a very angry one who has just found out their favorite comic wouldn’t be performing. “Who’d they get to sub for him?”

    “Apparently one of the regulars they have in here.”

    “Is he any good?”

    “For his sake,” the dog muttered. “He’d better be.”

    “Hiya hiya hiya folks!” exclaimed a fuzzy bear from the stage. “My name is Fozzie Bear and I’ll be your entertainment for tonight. You know, I just flew in from the east coast and boy are my arms tired!”

    “He’s doomed,” Kermit stated.

    Apparently, the bikers thought the same because before the bear had even finished that horrible joke, the crowd was already booing and chanting that they wanted Rocco.

    “Hey hey,” Fozzie interrupted. “I hate to tell you guys, and believe me this will probably pain me more than it will you, but Rocco Mars won’t be appearing tonight.” More boos nearly cause the bear to flee; or wet himself. “But hey! You’ve got me! What’s Rocco got that I don’t?”

    “Talent!” someone screamed from the audience.

    “That’s not nice,” the bear protested. “I’ve got plenty of talent. Why, the other day I ran into a man with a wooden named Smith, so naturally I asked him what he named his other leg! Ah!”

    “The natives are getting restless,” Rowlf rumbled to his companion.

    “The natives are getting angry,” Kermit countered. “And I’m pretty sure that insults aren’t the only arsenal they have up their sleeves. Or cut-offs.”

    “C’mon fellas,” the bear pleaded. “Give a guy a break here.”

    “Oh we’ll give you a break, alright!”

    “Not in the literal sense!”

    “That bear’s gonna find himself a rug,” Rowlf said. “I think you should go up there and save him.”

    Kermit looked at the dog in surprise. “Why me?”

    “Cause you’re fast on your feet,” the dog grinned. “You can hop to it.”

    “Frog jokes,” the frog deadpanned. “The dog’s trying to be funny. And what, pray tell, will you be doing while I’m risking life and limb?”

    “Simple,” the pianist replied, standing slightly. “I’m gonna play you some tunes to escape to.”

    The two friends got up from their seats, one heading towards the abandoned piano while the other made his way on stage, where a shaky bear was on the verge of crying. “Can you dance?” the frog asked.


    “Can you dance?”

    “Mister Frog, sir,” the bear pleaded. “I’ll do anything as long as it keeps me alive.”

    “You and me both, two, three, four.”

    With Rowlf providing some shuffle time rhythms, the frog and bear combo were able to literally dance their way off stage and luckily, out of the line of fire. Whatever the bikers had planned were quickly squished with no target in sight and thankfully, instead of inciting a full blown riot, they all just decided the place wasn’t up to their particular snuff and left in raucous huffs.

    Backstage, or rather on the side of the stage that couldn’t be quite seen by patrons, Kermit was doing his best to make sure that the bear he rescued didn’t lose his lunch all over the floor or worse, all over him. When Rowlf joined them a few moments later, Fozzie seemed calm enough to at least thank his benefactors.

    “You guys are the best!” the bear gushed. “I’d be a rug for sure if it wasn’t for you.”

    “That usually doesn’t happen,’ Rowlf began.

    “Oh I know!” Fozzie stated. “I usually play here about once or twice a month and the crowd loves me.”

    “I find that hard to believe,” Kermit replied.

    “Adores me, then,” the comedian said.

    “No…” Kermit said. “I don’t think so.”

    “Alright,” Fozzie responded. “Likes me then; the crowd really likes me.”

    “Yeah,” the frog again interrupted. “I’m just not seeing it.”

    “I venture that you barely manage to leave the stage intact,” Rowlf guessed.

    “Hey!” the bear cried, indignantly. “I resent that!”

    “Do you deny it?” asked Kermit.

    “No,” the bear sighed. “But I resent it. I really am trying!”

    “That’s half the battle right there when you think about it,” said Rowlf. “Some of the best comedians never got a break right from the start, so…”

    “Yeah!” Fozzie exclaimed. Holding out a paw, he proclaimed, “Fozzie Bear, soon to be famous comedian!”

    “Rowlf,” Rowlf replied, taking the hand and shaking it. “Rowlf the Dog.”

    “Kermit the Frog.”

    “Hey,” Fozzie laughed. “That rhymes!”

    “We know.”

    “Well,” the bear said, nodding to the two of them. “Thanks again, fellas, for saving me that angry bike mob. I won’t forget it, you wait and see. When I get famous, I’ll remember you guys in my opening monologue.”

    The frog and dog duo looked at each other in amusement; this was one determined bear! Turning back to Fozzie, Kermit replied, “Oh good.”

    “You guys should come back the next time I’m in,” Fozzie suggested. “I know I’ll be better next time, I just know it!”

    “Can’t argue with luck,” the dog muttered. “Alright kid, we’ll take you up on the offer. We’re in at least once a week anyway.”

    “Great!” the bear exclaimed. “I promise, you won’t regret it. Just you wait; I’m gonna be on TV someday, just like Bob Hope and Jonathan Winters. Maybe even on a show!”

    “Good luck with that,” Kermit stated. Under his breathed, he muttered to Rowlf, “You’re gonna need it.”
    The Count likes this.
  9. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hi WMG...

    POPCORNS: The club for People Other People Consider to be Other than Real or Normal Specimens.
    Members include Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, and Kermit The Frog.
    Source: Kermit's Christmas Diary, a story in Jim Henson's Muppet Show Annual 1982.

    What?! *Throws brick at that youtube clip.
    I... HATE... ELLEN!
    Thank you for giving me yet another reason to call her by the nickname I coined way back when, Quellen DisIngenuous.
    Kermit's from the swamps of Florida you stupid *gets bleeped out*! You'd know that because we had the same screamish reaction when they got that trivia question question info wrong on Celebrity Millionaire 2 when Kermit showed up during Jon Stewart's second day, when they said he was from the swamps of Georgia! :grr:

    Will come back later to read Ch 2, I need to calm down.
    *Leaves in a huff like the frog often does himself.
  10. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Ah, see that would make sense.

    *cowering in fear* Uh...okay. Uh...why?

    Oh. :o See...I actually didn't know that and to be truthful, Florida isn't really a southern state and I say that as someone who has southern (and by that I mean NC and WV) relatives. And...Kermit's kinda got a little down home southern charm which I never saw when I was in Florida.

    :concern:: What're you doing?

    Me: (backing away) I just...you know...look, just stand there for a minute, okay?

    :concern:: Okay. (nervous) Kinda fearing for my life.

    :mad:: What?

    Me: Look, I just need the two of you to just...stand there, okay? Just, stand and chill, alright?

    :eek:: Meep?

    Me: Look, everybody just shut up and stand, okay? Just...stand!

    *pushes plate of cookies by Beakie*

    :eek:: Meep?

    Me: No, you can't. You just need to stand there. Look, if the Count comes by, let him have a cookie, okay?

    :batty:: What kind of cookies?

    Not you! Hey, wait, no! You! You stand there! Don't move!

    :): What're you doing?

    I figure if I enough of you surrounding me, I will be spare the vengeance, you know.

    :insatiable:: Me heard there were cookies?

    Yes. Yes, there are, but only if you stand there. And for pete's sake no body move! shield me with your foamy bodies!

    :mad:: Are you kidding me!?

    Do I look like I'm kidding? Listen Pork Chops, you get no feature story if I'm missing in the swamps of Florida, a'ight? Now you stand there like a good piece of bacon!

    :mad:: I don't have to stand for this!

    You will stand there and take it and like it!
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    No worries, I'm not angry with you, just that moronic Ellen woman. And the reason why? Uh, I don't think I should post it here in public. But thank you for the peace offering, here, *gives Gina a cinnamon pecan muffin.
    :news: Someone said Gina was here?
    No, not your Gina... The other one.
    :news: Another Gina?
    :news: Oh, you mean Marco's mommy, the nice veterinarian lady from Sesame Street.
    Er, no... Another other Gina. Look, just go back to Kris and tell her I already cookies here...
    :insatiable: Me finished.
    Er, better make another batch.
  12. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Okay, so I've fed and finally read Ch 2. The only little foible I found is that Sam & Friends would have preceeded Kermit and Rowlf's meeting at Shotsky's.
    :shifty: We have a title!
    Sam & Friends was on from 1956 to 1961, your first meeting took place in the 1960's, dunno if you hve it taking place in 1960 or 1961, but still the show would have already ended its run by then.

    Other than that, I find it rully endearing to hear Fozzie's "origin" story here in this fic, how the bikers almost threatened to bear off his arms.
    :o Was that a joke?
    Kind of.
    :o Can I use it?
    Don't think it'll work a second time, sorry Fozzie.

    Please post more when you find the time.
  13. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    That's another my bad. For some reason, I kept thinking that Kermit and Rowlf were on a show together and that show was the Jimmy Dean show, but when I went to look it up, it was like no, it wasn't that. So then I think maybe it was the Sam & Friends show and again it was no.

    I may change chapter one to 1950s instead, as I believe (should & need to check this) that JDS was also on the air during that time, which would then make even MORE sense cause...you know...trying to make a timeline here.

    I can't remember now how the idea came to me, but I know it was in my head when I joined these wonderous forums. :)

    :shifty:: Suck up.

    Piggy, Rizzo made me put him in your story, that should have just been about four people, but he insisted on crashing.

    :shifty:: Hey wait a minute...

    Yeah that's what I thought.

    Anyway, so the idea that while some of what happened in TMM could have happened, but because it was like a Hollywood movie, the mileage would vary, you know. So I wondered how much of that was true? Like, did Fozzie really do standup in a sleazy bar? Did they really meet Gonzo by crashing into his car?

    Think of this as a way for my mind to tie in the show with the movie, which seems to have two different outcomes, you know.

    Speaking of Gonzo, chapter 3 is all about him, sorta.

    :concern:: Really?

    Well, you gotta share the screen with the diva.

    :mad:: Why can't I have a chapter to myself?

    Because my lovely pork chop, you and Gonzo both get met at the same time. Besides, why are you flipping out? You got a whole adventure series dedicated to you.

    :mad:: Isn't the first story in that series have me paired up with the weirdo?

    Look...whatever beef you have with him about the hole in the roof, inconsequential. Move on, yo. He said he was sorry, you got a new roof, everybody's happy. And really...you know he's just messing with you when he gets all letchy, right?

    :concern:: Letchy?

    It's a word and I'm sticking to it. Ha, so I've muffined my own thread. Huh. *runs to check if she has actual muffin mix* I do! But I has no milk. **** you, pay pal!! Send me my replacement card so I can buy some milk for my muffins!
  14. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yes, JDS was on in the 50's. If you can't edit it, LMK and I'll change it for you.
    BTW: There are two articles that might interest you and your ideas...
    1 At toughpigs, they posted the third part of their Great Muppet Roadtrip, the part that takes place in California. And they detail some of the places that appeared in both The Muppet Movie and The Muppets you were asking about, like Graystone Manor being Kermit/Piggy's house and Mad Man Mooney's and Son's.
    2 At the Muppet Wiki, there's a list detailling Minor Unfinished Projects, and I find myself thinking that some of those have been tapped by our talented pool of fic authors, like your potential Piggy Adventure series though they had it as a Piggy Mystery Series with very little info on it.

    Yes Gonzo, lechy. Like how :grouchy: is with María when it's just the two of them.
    *Deposits milk for muffins.
  15. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    See, this is why I come here!

    So I checked out both and I think we are both wrong on the birth of Kermit. Tough Pigs made the connection that Leland, MS is the (un)official birthplace of Kermit, which again IIRC, I've heard before in the past. So I am all the happier to make that change.

    Also, interesting to see some of the unfinished stuff that would have come out. Oddly enough, as I was watching the roast of Joan Rivers, I did wonder if there was ever a Muppet one (and why Piggy didn't show up, though I didn't see the whole thing so maybe she did). Well...now that I know there wasn't...may have to rectify that.

    You know, speaking of home origins, I had been looking up Bogen County, specifically where the heck is Bogen County. I can only guess that it's in the midwest somewhere, but oddly enough Google was not helpful. I came up with a Bogen County, Arkansas (which was fictional). Obviously, I'm asking cause our very own diva left the BC for LA, but it would help if I knew where the BC was, you know.

    I had actually decided on Iowa, when I got lulled into a Wiki Walk and I've just now managed to get back to what I was doing (which was working on chapter 3). She hasn't shown up yet, but I'd like to give her to a place to show up in.
  16. dwmckim

    dwmckim Well-Known Member

    You may be thinking of the 1968 special "The Muppets on Puppets". And you're obviously aware of the SST pitch reel as it's included in the story.
  17. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Mmm, either Iowa or Arkansas would be good. Or Nebraska or Kansas, you know, the whole Dorothy leaving home to become a star by following the Yellow Brick Road type of deal.
    *Finished making own list of Muppet state assignments, with 50 states and 6 US territories.

    Interested to read Ch 3 and if you'll add :wisdom:'s cameo or not.
  18. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    You are probably correct, as I do remember the Sesame Street pitch. My mind must've combined that with their perspective shows and concluded that they were obviously co-stars on their shows.

    Iowa it is, though Ar-kansas was a close second, but I think Piggy has more of an Iowan accent than a slight drawal, but maybe that's just me.

    So I don't know what it is about chapter three, but in the last few comedic fics I've done, it's usually the funniest chapter in the entire story. Or perhaps it's the characters focus that makes it such. As mentioned, Gonzo and Piggy star in this chap and...I haven't even gotten to Piggy yet, but I assure you Gonzo is in top form here.

    This is obviously pretty long, so bare :o with me.

    Chap III – What Was The License of That Beauty Pageant?

    “Good morning, mon amies!”

    The grand diva of the theatre, otherwise known as Miss Piggy, made her entrance as she was prone to do, drawing everyone’s attention to her and making sure she held it as long as she could. Piggy always tended to show up later than the others, usually timing it just right as to make her appearance right before she would need to rehearse her own portion for the show.

    That weekend, she and Rowlf had a piano piece that was actually fairly solid and didn’t really need any tweaking. Their sketch for Veterinarian’s Hospital, on the other hand, needed all the help it could get. She spotted the regular group hanging out by Kermit’s backstage desk, seemingly gathered around Scooter and his little tablet device.

    “Did you hear the news?” Gonzo asked, as soon as he saw her walked towards them.

    “I assure you that if it was important,” she huffed. “Moi would have heard about it. So what’s going on?”

    “They’re closing down Schotsky’s!” Fozzie exclaimed.

    It took Piggy a moment to put the name with either a person or a place before she finally knew what they were so upset about. “You mean that little hole in the wall we used to go to?” she asked.


    “That’s too bad,” she said, a small pout on her face. “I liked that place.”

    Four Muppets looked at her in shock and surprise. “No you didn’t,” Kermit countered. “In fact, you hated that place!”

    “Kermit,” she huffed. “If I hated it so much, I wouldn’t have bothered going down there with you.”

    “I think that had more to do with the company than the actual place,” Rowlf chuckled.

    “And yet,” Piggy retorted. “I couldn’t get rid of you fast enough.”

    “Oh, we’re hard to get rid of!” Gonzo exclaimed.

    “I’ve noticed.”

    “Kids,” Kermit admonished. “Play nice.”

    “Moi is always nice, Kermit.”

    “I’m sorry,” Gonzo asked, stepping closer to the pig. “Did you say nice or ice?”

    Maybe it was that Piggy was a bit slow on the uptake or maybe Gonzo had learned after years of chops when to zig and move, but whatever it was caused Gonzo to jump out of the way of the chop that had been aimed at his midsection.

    “Get back here, you!”

    “You didn’t always have me on the chopping block, you know,” Gonzo baited.

    “I don’t know where you get your delusions, Buzzard Beak.”

    Gonzo took a dramatic stance – legs shoulder length apart and arms outstretched. “Picture it,” he began. “The Midwest.” Breaking his stance, he threw his arms around the shoulders of both Fozzie and Kermit and continued with, “A frog and his bear are travelling the open country side in a Studebaker built for two.” He promptly ignored the look Kermit gave him. “Driving across streets, roads, pavements, and dirt,” he stated. “The two are looking for adventure in the deep heart of the American country.”

    “I feel like I’m watching the beginning of a movie,” Scooter whispered to Piggy, as the weirdo continued his indepth story introduction. “Why don’t we have Gonzo narrate for us more often?”

    “Simple,” Piggy muttered. “Because he’s crazy.”

    “Besides that.”

    “He’s certifiably crazy,” she amended.

    “Well, so’s Animal.”

    “No,” Gonzo interrupted, obviously stopping his own monologue in order to add to the secondary conversation. “Animal has anger issues. Completely different concepts. Can I finish?”

    “You’ve made it this far,” Piggy stated.

    “In the same scheme of things,” the blue daredevil continued. “A plucky young plumber is working hard for his money, with dreams in his eyes of starting a movie career in Bombay, which – as I’ve noted – is the next cinema capital of the world.”

    Everyone rolled their eyes at the statement. Ever since Gonzo had gotten the nutty idea that the next entertainment capital of the world would be in Bombay and then having that concept actually come true – albeit several years later – had none the less given the stuntman the apparent thought that he could now predict the next entertainment trends.

    “Stop reminding us,” Kermit sighed.

    “Right,” replied Gonzo. “Sorry. Anyway, as I make my way across the Midwest, I too am looking for adventure in all the wrong places, but soon my destiny is set before me and suddenly, it’s thrust upon me like a basted turkey on Thanksgiving.”

    No one would ever accuse Gonzo of not dreaming big, nor not having the creative flair to dream big, but sometimes those dreams would never make sense, even to the weirdo that dreamt them. That was why his story telling abilities were actually quite popular, when he managed to stay on topic.

    “Gonzo,” Piggy replied, not caring if her impatience or annoyance was showing or not. “If there’s a point to all of this, please feel free to make it.”

    Gonzo sighed, if just for the fact that his introductory monologue wasn’t getting the appreciation he though it should. “No one understands the plight of the obligatory introduction anymore,” he stated. “The point, my curvaceous cutie, is that on one fine day, I was traveling down the road of life and came face to face with fate.”

    Pausing, the stuntman looked at his audience. “I know because I was there.”

    The Past – Somewhere in the Midwest

    This was not the trip Kermit the Frog had envisioned when he had made plans to go back home. Sesame Street was on summer break, which allowed him the time he needed to go back and see his family and friends.

    When he had told Rowlf and Fozzie about his plans, the bear had perked up at the notion of a road tripping adventure. It just so happened that Fozzie would be driving up to visit his mother and the prospect of going by himself seemed to dissolve once he learned Kermit would be heading in the same direction.

    It wasn’t that Kermit didn’t like Fozzie; quite the opposite, really. The frog was quite surprised at how well he and Fozzie did get along. He was the perfect straight man to the bear’s lame sense of humor and bad jokes, while seemingly being a one frog cheerleading section when the bear needed to know that he was as good as he believed himself to be. When Fozzie wasn’t stressing about it, he could actually be quite funny and his act was getting better every day.

    However, the idea of being stuck in a car, for several days, with only the bear’s comedy to keep him company did not thrill the frog in any way shape or form. And it didn’t matter how many times he asked, begged, pleaded, and bribed, Rowlf refused to go with them, leaving just a frog and his bear along for the ride.

    And that was how Kermit the Frog found himself in the passenger side of an old 1950s Studebaker with Fozzie Bear. This being the first time that the frog had been in the car with his fuzzy companion made him a bit leery, especially when learning that Fozzie had learned to drive via correspondence.

    Not that it really mattered; Kermit wasn’t much of a driver anyway, so he couldn’t really complain about doing things better or even a bit safer. The trip was going to take them at least two days, three at most, and that was if they didn’t plan on stopping anywhere.

    Truth be told, Kermit almost had the niggling request that Fozzie just stay with him and then they could go up to see Fozzie’s mother before heading back to California. The thought was there, it was just Kermit hadn’t really vocalized his plans yet; for all he knew, this trip would be disastrous.

    Two people, one car, and three days of driving.

    It was already looking nightmarish.

    Under all of Kermit’s charm and Southern hospitality, was a healthy dose of sarcasm and cynicism; luckily underneath all of that was another level of charm and hope that usually overrode the second layer. He had to think in the positive; he enjoyed Fozzie’s company and it was hard to look the bear in the face and tell him no.

    So now for the sake of keeping his new bear friend happy, Kermit had agreed to travel the very long distance from California to Mississippi and the frog had a pretty good idea that he was also going to be traveling to upstate New York where the bear’s mother was too. Sometimes Kermit was too good for his own good.

    Their trip began early in the morning on a Thursday, with the two meeting up at their favorite bar, Schotsky’s. How Fozzie managed it, Kermit didn’t know, but the bear had somehow gotten the owner to agree to put him up for a few days while he got enough money to move into something better. He thought he heard both Fozzie and Rowlf discussing the bear staying with the dog, as Rowlf would be heading out to do a few gigs on his own, which would leave his apartment vacant for a few weeks.

    It was the same offer that Rowlf had given Kermit, knowing that the frog was looking for a better place to live, especially when he was seriously considering dropping his gig on Sesame Street.

    “This is going to be great, Kermit!”

    Kermit couldn’t help but smile at him; you couldn’t help but like Fozzie, even when his jokes went flatter than a mowed down pancake. There was a determination and enthusiasm in the bear that just seemed contagious to anyone around him and a strange childlike hope that everything would be okay once the sun came out. Oddly enough, it reminded Kermit of some of the characters on Sesame Street, despite the fact that most of them were kids themselves. It was a nice thing to have, especially in their current day and age when it seemed everything was falling apart faster than they could put it back together.

    “Yeah Fozzie,” the frog smiled, patting the bear on the arm. “It’ll be a great trip.”


    This…was turning out to be a horrible trip.

    Well, not horrible in the sense that he and Fozzie were arguing or fighting; horrible in the sense that Fozzie, he realized, had no sense of direction. Despite both of them supposedly having the tools to easily survive in the wild, it was quite clear to both of them they wouldn’t be able to do so should the car break down. Which it did, nearly twice. Even with map in hand, Fozzie had lost his way more than once, all because he couldn’t tell the difference between a river and a street.

    Once, as both of them tried to figure out where exactly they were, Kermit had the sudden feeling that they were in trouble.


    “Yes sir.”

    “Who’s driving?”

    Both bear and frog looked at each other from behind the map before lowering the paper to gaze out of the front window. Of course Fozzie had taken his hands off the wheel to better hold the map, as well as point out several things to Kermit; this left the car to continue on as though being driven by…no one.

    That of course when they both screamed.

    Another hour of driving around lost in the great wide spaces of the American country side and with a patriotic song from Fozzie, who stated that patriotism ran in the heart of the American bear, Kermit didn’t think their trip could have gotten any weirder.

    He of course was proven wrong within fifteen minutes.

    As he and Fozzie traveled down the road, a large plumbing truck was coming in the opposite direction, with a large sign on the side that read ‘The Great Gonzo – Plumbing Artist’ with the sub script of ‘The Prince of Plumbing’ underneath it. In the driver’s side was a strange being, with a long nose that hooked at the end and a battered blue visor that surrounded his blue face and head. Presumably the Great Gonzo from the name on the truck, the furry blue creature was traveling down this road to his next gig, or rather his next plumbing gig. The pipes in the home of one Martha Johansen were in some pretty shape and Gonzo was going to prove, once and for all, who the best plumber was in these great United States.

    Plumbing wasn’t the creature’s true calling, not by a long shot! It was something that paid the bills and something he just happened to be good at; probably because he wasn’t afraid to actually get into the pipes in order to snake them. And that’s what Gonzo’s true calling was – not snaking through pipes, but performance art. The Great Gonzo wasn’t just a moniker that he picked for himself, it was going to be his stage name one day; one day, he was going to be the greatest performance artist the world had ever seen.

    What made the blue creature stand out was the fact that he didn’t just do one thing, he did several and usually at the same time. While someone like Evel Knievel could jump over buses on a motorcycle, Gonzo would jump over those buses while blindfolded on a motorcycle and through several hoops that were on fire! And then he’d finish by dismounting in midair and landing in a canon, which would then shoot him through another set of hoops on fire and where he would then land – hopefully – on a platform.

    If he was still standing when he did it, then that was an extra bonus.

    So busy in his musings on his own upcoming fame and fortune, the driver hadn’t noticed that he was drifting into the oncoming lane. This action put him on a collision course with a 1950s Studebaker that was coming towards him in said lane. Fozzie and Kermit noticed the truck before the truck driver noticed them and only seconds before they were to crash did Gonzo realize he’d been doing more daydreaming than driving.

    Fozzie thought his life had passed before his eyes. The lights were bright and he was convinced he’d made it to heaven, only to discover – when he removed his hands from his eyes – that the light he was seeing was from the sun.

    “Fozzie, stop the car!”

    One fuzzy feet stepped hard on the brakes, stopping the car immediately. “You okay?”

    “Kermit,” the bear began. “I think I saw my life flash before my eyes. It was kinda boring when I think about it.” He immediately turned to look at his companion. “Are you okay? Oh Kermit, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to…”

    The frog patted his friend on the arm. “I know you didn’t, Fozzie,” he replied. “And really it wasn’t your fault. That other guy…”

    Both friends looked at each other in horror. The other driver! Immediately, the hopped out from their presecptive seats and went looking for the funny truck they had crashed into. They looked left, they looked right, they looked everywhere, but couldn’t see the truck anywhere. Fozzie looked at Kermit, Kermit looked at Fozzie.

    “We did see a truck in the oncoming lane, right?” Kermit asked, now unsure if they had seen what they had.

    “I’m sure of it,” Fozzie whispered, scratching his head in wonderment. “We didn’t both imagine it, did we, Kermit?”

    The frog was shaking his head, looking this way and that, trying to figure out how a large truck could simply disappear when he looked forward. And then up. “Fozzie…”

    “Maybe it was one of those, what do they call them?” the bear was saying. “You know, where a magician makes you see something that’s not really there?”


    “C’mon Kermit, help me out here,” the comic replied. “Starts with an ‘i’ I think. It’s like a vision, but not a vision. What is that, Kermit?”


    “No, no,” the bear interrupted. “Don’t help me, I think I got it. Envision? No, that’s not it. Unless it was. Is it envision, Kermit?”

    “Fozzie, just look up!”

    Though confused by the request, Fozzie did what the frog asked and was surprised to find the very car they were looking for – on the roof of his car! The two made a slow walk to where the driver’s side would be and were surprised to see the driver, still sitting in his seat and apparently as in shock as they were.

    “That. Was. AWESOME!”

    The driver turned to look at them, paying no mind that they were standing upside. “I’ve been in a lot of flips before,” the driver continued. “But that was the best one yet!”

    Both the frog and the bear stared at the weird driver in awe, mouths wide open.

    “You two should close your mouths,” the driver replied. “You’ll catch flies.”

    “Well, he’s a frog,” Fozzie said, pointing at Kermit. “I’d think he’d like that.”

    “Heh, that’s funny.”


    “Oh yeah,” the driver nodded. “You should tell jokes or something.”

    “Well as a matter of fact…”

    “Fozzie!” Kermit exclaimed. Here they were at the scene of a very unlikely accident with a driver who was clearly insane and they were chatting as though they were talking about the upcoming weather. Turning to the driver, he asked, “How did you do that?”

    “Do what?”

    “Do…” Kermit was finding it extremely hard to contain his composure at this point. “How did you manage to flip your car over onto our roof!?”

    “Oh that,” the driver shrugged. “It’s spring-loaded. I told you, I do a lot of flips in this thing.”

    “Your insurance must be really high,” Fozzie commented.

    “Oh you wouldn’t believe,” the driver sighed. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to find premium insurance when you plan on getting into an accident at least once a day?”

    “What is wrong with you two!?”

    This time, it was Fozzie and the alien driver that turned to look at an increasingly angry frog. “Hey buddy, you okay?” the driver asked. “You’re looking a little green.”

    “Ah!” Fozzie chortled. “That’s fun-nee! Could I steal that?”


    The countdown to an epic rant had started and the timer was going fast, unbeknownst to the bear and plumber. “No, seriously,” the driver replied again. “You’re sure your frog friend is okay? It looks like all the blood is rushing to his head, which is understandable, seeing as you’re both standing upside down.”

    “Huh?” Fozzie asked. “No, we’re not. You’re the one who’s upside down.”

    “I am?”

    At the last second, right before the last remaining blood vessel was on the verge of popping, Kermit closed his mouth to keep the ranting at bay. He instead muttered to Fozzie, “Get in the car.”

    “What’s that, Kermit?”

    “Get. In. The. Car.” The frog enunciated. “We’re leaving and I don’t care if this blue weirdo is on the roof when we do it, but we’re leaving. And hopefully we will pass by a police station and we can drop him off to the proper authorities, who will hopefully find him a nice padded room with a nice jacket to wear.”
    newsmanfan likes this.
  19. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Laughs at the whole bit with the car flipping over. Thank you. Please post when possible.
    UD: Better be careful, you don't want the weasels to come and cart you away.
    :batty: Which weasels... The police ones or the gravediggers?
    UD: Mmm, I'd prefer the grave myself... But the police weasels do have some standing with Judge Doom.
    :batty: Not to mention ve get to see Batssica t the club.
    *Both walk off to get some drinks down at the HV Bat, Bolt and Skull.
  20. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    “There’s a sheriff’s station about ten miles from here,” the driver supplied, helpfully. “They know me down there.”

    “Really,” Kermit deadpanned. “Shocking. C’mon, Fozzie.”

    “Kermit, shouldn’t we help him down?” Fozzie asked, watching as his froggy friend opened the passenger side door to get in. Turning to the driver, he asked, “Hey buddy, would you like help down?”

    “Me?” the driver asked. “No way! This is the fun part!” Fozzie, and Kermit by extension, watched at the driver unbuckled himself and began to contort his body in order to squeeze himself out through the window.

    Kermit sighed, barely holding back the sarcastic remarks that were on the tip of his tongue. “You do realize, I’m sure,” he started. “That you could have just opened the door. Not to mention, that we now have a car on top of our car, to which I ask you, strange looking and insane crazy driver, how exactly do you plan to remove it?”

    Flipping himself out and onto the ground, said insane crazy driver spread his arms wide and said, “Ta da!” which garnered him applause from Fozzie and an eye roll from Kermit. “Oh frog of little fate,” he began. “What did I tell you? The truck is spring loaded. Observe.”

    Using the open passenger door as a step stool, the driver stood on it before reaching in to the open window of his driver’s side window and releasing a switch. In theory and normal convention, the springs that were embedded on the top of the truck would have pushed the truck off the car and onto the ground, which then the bottom springs would ensure a safe bounce on the dirt road.

    What happened, however, was that for whatever reason the springs on the top of the truck were strung a little too tight, which made them extremely prone to be a little extra…springy. When the spring release was applied, the truck didn’t flip back over and on the ground; it instead sprung into the air and began to make flight for several yards, where it crashed in a nearby field.

    “That…usually doesn’t happen,” the driver replied.

    “Well clearly it has,” the frog retorted.


    With no plumbing truck to drive with, the driver only known as Gonzo was more than happy to grab a ride with the happy go lucky bear and increasingly annoyed frog.

    Introductions had been made and conversation turned to the reasoning of why Gonzo was heading in the opposite lane in the opposite direction. That in turn made the original travelers realize that they had been going in the opposite direction for at least thirty minutes. “So where exactly are we?” asked Kermit, as he reclaimed his role as navigator and official map holder.

    “Somewhere in the middle of Iowa,” the weirdo mentioned. “I’ve been through here before.” Leaning over, he pointed at a point on the map that Kermit was holding. “If I’m right, we should be hitting Bogen County. Real nice folk there, though not a lot of art lovers, I’ll tell you that.”

    “Is that where you’re headed?” asked Fozzie.

    “A little ways in,” Gonzo replied. “Mrs. Johansen lives about a mile inside the county line. Her pipes are a bunch of twisted, nightmarish conundrums that should be put out of their misery. I make this trip at least twice a month.”

    “Are you telling me you’re some sort of traveling plumber?” Kermit questioned.

    “Do you know of any other traveling plumbers?” Gonzo asked, giving the frog and bear a look. “Hmm, I thought not. It’s great gig! You get to travel, you meet interesting people…”

    “So you plan on doing that for like a career?”

    “What?” Gonzo exclaimed. “No way! This just a job! I mean, you know, it pays the bills. The career I’m going for is performance artist and when you think about it, what better way of testing out all of my abilities than plumbing?” Seeing the confusion on their faces, he explained, “Look, how many plumbers do you know enjoy crawling through pipes on a daily basis? No one. Ever see a plumber climb up through the roof? Nope. What about through a chimney that hasn’t been cleaned for five years? That wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.

    “The point is, you don’t see any of that. Besides, when I’m alone in a sewer pipes, it gives me plenty of time to think up new ideas.” The sentence trailed off as Gonzo seemed to enter his own little dreamy fate. “I’m gonna show the world what I can do one day,” he whispered. “When I get enough money, I’m headed to Bombay, make my start in TV or the movies.”

    “Gonzo,” Fozzie started, glancing at the weirdo through the rearview mirror. “You don’t go to Bombay to get into the movies.”

    “Shows what you know,” Gonzo countered. “Bombay’s gonna be the next great entertainment capital of the world.”

    “I think you hit your head when you crashed into us,” Kermit replied. “In order for that to happen, it would have to beat Hollywood – home of the silver screen – and that of New York – home of Broadway. Just how do you figure that?”

    “Mark my words, Kermit,” the weirdo smirked. “Mark my words.”


    Bogen County, Iowa was a land of corn hulks and green pastures. It was also home to one Mrs. Johansen and today, it was also home to the annual Miss Bogen County Beauty Pageant.

    If traveling by car for almost three days wasn’t enough to dissuade him from ever taking another trip with Fozzie Bear, Kermit couldn’t think of anything that could. They had already wasted a lot of time being lost and once they had found the right direction of where to go, it had been at the cause of an accident. Now, they were wasting even more time by stopping in order for Gonzo to get his job done.

    Added to that, both weirdo and bear had insisted – read as, whined. Loudly – about stopping at the fair so they could at least get something to eat. So now Kermit was standing in a large crowd of spectators, trying to find where his friends had gone; as soon as he had agreed to stay, Fozzie and Gonzo had taken off, who knew where and now he couldn’t find them.


    “It’s like spending the day with my nieces and nephews,” he groused. He would have thought that a grown bear and a…a uh…well, whatever it was Gonzo was, could be responsible, get food, and come back to where he was. But that was obviously too hard. He was convinced he had seen Fozzie on the Farris Wheel before wondering over and getting some ice cream and who knew where Gonzo was?

    Kermit’s attention was drawn to the stage, only because there was no other place to actively look that didn’t want to make him learn how to hard wire Fozzie’s car. Apparently, the fair was a local fan favorite, as they were obviously able to put on a low key beauty pageant for the locals. The frog couldn’t help but be drawn in; he’d never actually been to a pageant before, not really finding them all that interesting and really, when he other things to do and consider, they weren’t that high on his priority list.

    Nice looking girls, he observed, watching as some of the contestants moved back and forth from the front to the back of the stage. He may have been a frog, but he was a male frog and he did have an eye for beauty. “They sure do grow them pretty around here, don’t they?” a voice asked from his right.

    Turning, the frog glared at the blue plumber. “Where have you been?” he asked, angrily.


    “Yes,” Kermit replied, snidely. “I could see that when I couldn’t find you anywhere. And where’s Fozzie?”

    “Hey Kermit!” Just as Gonzo had appeared at Kermit’s right side, so too did Fozzie suddenly appear at Kermit’s left, both hands full with two ice cream cones. “I got you an ice cream!”

    Once again, the frog found it almost immensely difficult to be too angry with Fozzie, especially when he looked like a little kid at his very first fair. Gonzo, on the other hand, was like the naughty teenager who had just snuck a peek at the women’s changing room.

    Oh dear heavens…

    “Ladies and gentlemen,” the announcer started. “Gather around. I’m about to announce this year’s winner of the Bogen County Beauty Pageant!”

    The crowd naturally applauded.

    “Kermit,” Fozzie asked, bouncing slightly on the balls on his feet. “Can we stay to watch the winners? Can we?”

    Taking one ice cream cone from his friend, Kermit sighed and nodded. “Sure, Fozzie,” he said. “We can stay.”

    “And then can we get cotton candy? And a balloon?”

    “Sure, kid.”

    Gonzo couldn’t help but snort. “Softie.”

    “Shut up,” the frog groused. “And so help me, Gonzo, if I’ve heard you’ve been near the women’s changing tent…”

    “I’ll have you know I was no where near that tent,” Gonzo protested. “I just happened to be at the petting zoo.”

    Despite the fact that something as innocuous as hanging around a petting zoo should have made Kermit feel better, it actually did the exact opposite. “Somehow, Gonzo,” he said. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

    All their talking and bickering had made them miss the announcement of the runner up, though the three couldn’t really have cared. They certainly didn’t know any of these people, with the exception of Gonzo, and they probably wouldn’t be seeing any of them ever again. “And now,” the announcer started. “The moment you’ve been waiting for. This year’s Miss Bogen County…ladies and gentlemen…the winner…is…MISS PIGGY!”

    An attractive pig came through the curtains, awe and excitement written on her face. This was a big moment for her; it was the first major pageant she had won as an adult, though this certainly wasn’t her first cake walk. Being crowned Miss Bogen County held a lot of sway in the state of Iowa and some previous winners had gone on to do bigger and better things with their lives.

    And that’s what Miss Piggy Lee Hogglesworth was going for.

    In the crowd, while everyone was of course excited to see a new Miss Bogen County crowned, there were at least two individuals who had been captivated by the very beauty and look of the winner than that she had won. One of those was a furry blue creature who had been struck by the pig’s beauty. Never let it be said that the Great Gonzo didn’t know a good looking dame when he saw one and Gonzo was an equal opportunity looker.

    “Check out the legs on her,” he had whispered. The new Miss Bogen County certainly had the right…assets and as far as Gonzo was concerned, they were also placed in all the right places too.

    The second of those individuals was the very frog that Gonzo was talking to. Not one to believe in the power of soul mates or love at first sight, Kermit the Frog found himself star struck by the lovely pig and he was at a loss as to what attracted him to her. Was it the beautiful face? The big blue eyes? The long flowing blonde tressels? He didn’t know and his mind was making a frantic move to get him back into thinking logically and rationally, like how they were wasting time and they hadn’t even reached Mississippi or New York.

    However, it didn’t matter what his head was trying to do because it was clear that his heart had just gone zing zing zing.

    That's it for now folks, cause I'm tired and I wanna take a nap. No worries! We still have to meet a certain Miss Bogen County before those assembled can head on back to Cali, Cali, Cali!

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