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Discussion in 'Henson People' started by Oscarfan, Aug 23, 2012.
WE LOVE AND MISS YOU JERRY!
Maybe not with the Muppet characters, but with the humans yes. Either way, fair excuse.
I've been wanting to post a semi-long, rambling thing to this thread for a while now, and I'll be on vacation without much ability to post on forums like this at the time of the five-year anniversary of his death (AND the day most people found out about it afterwards), so I'll just go ahead and do it a few weeks early.
So here we are. It's been five years. Five years to the day that would change my life forever. The day my heart was almost ripped out of my chest. A day which I was never really able to fully recover from. The morning after I lost you.
It started like any other mundane day, I got up a bit early so I could get ready to help my mom with some errands at her work. As I still always do, I decided to check the Muppet fansites to see if anything was new in the Muppet world, or to see if any prominent Muppet people had died. I opened up Muppet Central with a small sense of dread for the latter. The first thing I noticed on the page was that the radio station was playing something from your Truro Daydreams album - for a nanosecond my thought was, "Aw, they're playing a song from Truro Daydreams and I missed it." But then I darted my eyes to the center of the page. And I instantly wished I hadn't.
Jerry Lee Nelson (1934-2012)
"Oh god, no..." I whimpered just before I closed the browser as soon as I'd opened it. After all, when you're hit with news like that, how can you keep browsing if most of the other sites you visit are just going to keep spouting the same news that you didn't want to hear? I spent the next few minutes in a spell of shock and despair, interrupted momentarily by the heartwarming thought that you would at least be seeing Christine again. So hearing this obviously put quite a damper on the rest of the day... and the weekend as well. I even opted out of accompanying my parents to their cabin so I could take some time to properly grieve. I couldn't even go on any Muppet fansites (I was fine with checking Facebook, though) or even listen to any of your songs or soundbytes for a few days. It was too hard for me.
I mean, it was already hard for a lot of people, but for me this was a whole other (and slightly more awkward) ballpark.
Almost two years beforehand, just before I left with my family for Labor Day weekend, I had a dream that I found out that you had died (this was 2010, mind you) and in between scenes of me being depressed and imagining what could have been and us lying in an open field together, someone gave me a necklace that you were going to give me (in the dream) before you died and I put it on before I was going to sing at this event or something. (After the dream segued to another dream about two Japanese sisters at an arcade-type place) I woke up and feared for you because the dream felt so real. And I had a vision of me and Gobo lying in a field as he lay his head on my chest.
I brought along the complete Fraggle series DVD during the trip and at one point I watched "Manny's Land of Carpets" on my portable DVD player not long before going to bed. With the dream in mind, the song "Goodbye, Goodbye" took on a gutwrenching new meaning, knowing that with your health problems, it wouldn't be very long before we'd all have to say goodbye. Flash forward to that fateful weekend in 2012. By this point I'd mentally prepared myself countless times for the inevitable moment when I would hear that you'd have died. And when it did come, I was crushed. In a way, it's sort of like the Lucy episode where she was about to have her baby. Her husband and the Mertzes spent some time calmly prepping for her trip to the hospital, but when she came to them and said "This is it" (i.e. My water broke), they all went into a frenzy. A bit of a different situation, but you get the point.
Five years on, I still don't feel quite ready to say goodbye.
Now for the hard (and rambly) part. During those two years between the dream and your death, I felt an unbreakable bond with you. I wanted so much to share my story with you, to sing and write songs with you, to have you as a surrogate family. Lately the world's been pretty neutral to me, so if I could have even spent just ten minutes with you it would have made a difference. I wish I could have joined Twitter earlier than I did, if it meant I would get the chance to send my love to you while knowing someone was on the other end. Every time I think about it, I can't stand it.
I still get visits from you in my dreams. I hear that when you dream about someone who died, they are really visiting you. I remember a couple of years ago, on the morning of your birthday, you showed up in my dream and we had a little session. I'd like for that to happen a little bit more. I'm currently trying to break into TV and you are one of my inspirations.
When the mountain touches the valley
All the clouds are taught to fly
As our souls will leave this land most peacefully
Though our minds be filled with questions
In our hearts we'll understand
When the river meets the sea
I love and miss you so much, Jer. Wherever you are, I hope it's much better than here.
WOW! That was just so heartwarming. Thanks for sharing that story. Really enjoyed hearing about how much love you have for Jerry. Hope more dreams come and for us here to hear about them.
To think in a few weeks, it'll have been five years.
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