And the second half of what I titled Kissy Kissy. It was supposed to be a working title, and I didn't really mean to post it, but... I did. Oh well. I'm debating whether or not to leave this as is or to write another scene from IAVMMC. We'll see where my writing takes me.
Part Two
Kermit watched her for a moment before heading to his mark. Piggy, obviously flustered, let out a high-strung giggle as she turned away. Without a backwards glance, she skipped happily to the props table and scooped up a recent glossy of herself. She needed something to peruse while waiting for him to pounce on her. Piggy trilled a quick greeting to Gonzo and Rowlf, as she passed them, and then took up her own position. Restlessly, he hopped in place, just little jumps, half for a warm up, half in nervousness.
Onstage, the director had a few quiet words with Piggy before he turned to make his way over to Kermit. As Kirk turned away, she struck a familiar pose, leaning way back and turning her head to send an adoring gaze at Kermit. He stuck his tongue out at her, a striking gesture from a frog. Unfortunately, Kirk thought it was directed at him and stared in surprise at Kermit, who tried to communicate through frantic hand gestures that his tongue was meant for Piggy... but that just made things worse.
For her part, the actress who prided herself on sophistication and dignity, just as long as no one was standing in her way, was laughing silently. She was lost in mirth so intense that Piggy had to brush tears from her eyes as fast as they came to avoid smudging her make up. In for a penny; in for a pound. He stuck his tongue out at her again as the director approached.
“Uh, sorry about that, Kirk. It had to be done.”
“Oh, that’s alright Kermit. I figured there would be a fair share of shenanigans today when I saw the poem on the rear side of the set.”
“Poem?”
Kirk smiled down wearily at Kermit with a twinkle in his eye. “Something about you and Piggy... and a tree”
“Oh, geez.”
“Just don’t make me turn a hose on you two.”
“Oh, c’mon, Kirk, Piggy and I are consummate professionals. There’s nothing between-”
“Whatever you say, Kermit, just keep the consummating to what’s required for the film, alright?”
“Maybe you should tell Piggy that. She’s not exactly easy to escape from.”
“I already did. Not sure it helped.” As one they turned to the actress in question, who was touching up her lipstick with obvious glee.
“Hmmm. Well, what can anyone do, really?”
They considered the matter for a moment before Kirk returned to the business at hand. “Listen, Kermit, are you ready?”
“Yep, I’m ready.”
“Good. We’re gonna run it in rehearsal first, see how it goes, then we’ll catch it on film.”
Kermit nodded, then bounced again. “Gotcha.”
Kirk didn’t look entirely convinced by his reassurances. He started trying to get Kermit worked up, going over the scene they'd already discussed frequently. “So, you’re gonna come bounding down the aisle, then a big hop on stage. You’re excited; you’re in love with life, wanting to make amends, that sort of thing. Cross left to Gonzo, deliver the line, then over to Piggy for-”
“Yeah, I know. We’ve been over the blocking. Really, Kirk, it’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, okay.” The director smiled broadly at him then clapped him on the shoulder. “Good man, Kermit... well, good frog.”
Kermit returned the smile, not without mirth. “Thanks, I think I’ve got the idea.”
With one last, uneasy glance towards Piggy, Kirk headed out of camera range. “Okay, get to where you’re supposed to be, people.” Cast and crew got to where they were supposed to be and the director cued them into action.
Kermit immediately started laughing giddily as he bolted towards the stage. With a powerful leap of the sort he rarely indulged in, the frog sprang into the air. Unfortunately, his nervous energy and lack of practice betrayed him; Kermit over shot his mark and slammed into Gonzo, sending them both sliding into the back wall in a tangle of arms and legs.
“Whoa! Kermit!”
“Kermit, Gonzo, are you okay?!”
“Oh, Kermie!”
As cast and crew rushed to their aid, Gonzo sat up with a delighted smile. “Wow! that was so cool! Oh, are you all right, Kermit?”
“Did anyone catch the number of that bus?”
“Kermie, Kermie, speak to me, darling!” The little frog clutched his head groggily as he tried to figure out which aching limbs belonged to him and which belonged to Gonzo. Let’s see, green would be me, so that blue leg would be Gonzo and those lips heading for mine must be-
“Piggy!” He wriggled backward in surprise.
“I thought perhaps vous needed the mouth-to-mouth.” She eagerly bent towards him again, pressing her advantage.
“No. No! Er, I mean, I’m fine, thanks.” He cleared his throat in embarrassment. “Uh, and um, that particular life saving technique is generally reserved for someone who’s not breathing. If I’m talking, Piggy, I’m breathing.”
“Moi could remedy that.” A few titillated giggles broke out around them and Kermit glared at the onlookers.
“Everyone okay, then?” Kirk peered down at them seriously. Kermit nodded, feeling himself blush faintly at his unexpected clumsiness.
“Gonzo?”
“Oh, I’m great. Thanks, buddy, I really needed that.”
“Right.” Kermit drawled slowly. “Happy to oblige, Gonzo.” He stood and rubbed his head sheepishly. “I think I’d like to try that again.”
“We could try to get a stunt frog, Kermit, if you’re not feeling up to it.”
“No, no, I’ll be fine. I can do it, really; I just... got a little distracted.” He looked at Piggy without really meaning to.
“I hope vous are not blaming moi!” She jumped on his words, ostensibly shocked at the very idea.
Kermit shook his head. “Of course not, Piggy.”
Survivors all accounted for, they tried again and this time Kermit was very careful about the height of his jump. A little too careful as it turned out, for he barely cleared the stage. I’ll need to do that again, he thought ruefully pushing through to the rest of the rehearsal. Focused on the scene, the frog skidded happily towards Gonzo, tweaking the odd fellow’s nose playfully and shouting a greeting at Rowlf.
Oh boy, here it comes.
Piggy was facing away from him, looking over the photo, but he could feel her excitement. Someone off screen wolf whistled and she cracked a smile, an indulgence permitted only because it was a dry run. Kermit flew towards her, still hopping with energy before finally skidding to a stop behind her. The frog looked her up and down. “Wow,” he purred appreciatively, “Hey, Piggy, do you still have that mistletoe?”
She barely spared him a glance. “I’m not talking to vous!” she snipped crossly, seeming perfectly offended. He spent a split second appreciating her acting. Piggy was in a great mood today, he happened to know.
“Aw, c’mon!” She’s loving this! “You don’t need mistletoe when you’re green!” Kermit grabbed Piggy by the shoulders and spun her around to face him. She opened her eyes in shock, and her mouth as well, he noticed with amused consternation. Throwing his reservations aside, Kermit launched himself at her mouth, dipping her as he planted several kisses while Piggy pretending to struggle against him. This is surprisingly awkward. The difference in their relative sizes made it difficult for him to reach her lips and he attempted to readjust his grip around her to compensate. Whoops! Kermit’s foot slipped backwards, no more than an inch, but that was enough for him to overbalance, sending Piggy crashing to the floor with him stretched out on top of her. However, none of that stopped Piggy from responding happily to his kiss.
Uh, Piggy, you can let go now.
He tried to draw back, painfully aware of the laughter around them, but the amorous blonde had wrapped her arms firmly around him. The only way to get enough leverage to free himself was to push himself off of her, and there was simply nowhere he could put his hands that wouldn’t get him into a world of trouble. Piggy released his lips to gasp a quick breath and Kermit tried to roll off of her but she latched on to him again before he could vocalize a protest. She was obviously doing her level best to take advantage of her opportunity to kiss the stuffing out of him and despite himself Kermit felt his brain slipping into a romantic haze. Her eyes opened, mischief sparkling at him from those limpid pools.
Oh, no, you don’t.
Piggy was feisty, no one would dispute that, but Kermit, for all his generally calm demeanor, was no pushover. A spark flared up inside him, originating from somewhere in the vicinity of the determination that had taken him from the swamp to the whole world.
Time to fight fire with fire.
With the faintest of growls, he pushed his lips against hers, aggressively taking control of their embrace. Though he would never admit it, it was with no small bit of pleasure that he heard her squeak in surprise and surrender almost immediately. Her arms lifted off him, fingers spreading involuntarily and Kermit was free. He rolled to her side and just lay there panting for a minute unable to do more than close his eyes against the astonished stares of his friends and collegues. After a while, he looked to his right. Miss Piggy, he was satisfied to note, was just as undone as he was, lying limply beside him breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed deep crimson.
“Oh,” she murmured, “wow...”
They’d pulled themselves together... eventually. It had taken a while before they’d gotten the giggles out enough to make it through another dry run. It had not helped that Kirk wanted to experiment with how Kermit kissed Piggy, suggesting he jump on her, wrapping his legs around her waist. Neither Kermit nor Piggy were particularly happy with that maneuver, feeling it just a little too out of character for Kermit’s stage persona, despite the emotional state he was trying to portray.
After a few attempts, the director agreed with them and had them return to a dramatic dip. Kermit had had to practice a few times in order to avoid a repeat of the kiss, but Piggy seemed content to behave herself now. He met her eyes with a bit of defiance and she’d surprised him by looking away with a blush at the memory, before turning a professionally cool gaze on him. Kermit was tempted to tease her a bit, but decided against it. The scene had to be perfect and it was going to be hard enough to hold things together as it was.
“Okay, we’re gonna film it this time, folks, so let’s make this count.”
Kirk called out for the cameras to start rolling and Kermit bolted towards the stage in jubilance as though it was the first time. Kermit sprang onto the stage, this time landing on his mark with a satisfying plunk. I really need to get out and stretch my legs more often.
Kermit dipped Piggy like a pro this time and kissed her fiercely before yanking her upright again. He was relieved when she didn’t resist his efforts to escape and allowed him to run off stage, calling out cheerfully to Beaureguard. The frog expected them to cut the scene there; he wasn’t remotely prepared to hear a violent crash.
“Oh, Miss Piggy!” Rowlf called out in alarm. His heart beating even more rapidly, Kermit dashed back on stage. Rowlf and Gonzo were looking over the edge of the stage and Piggy was nowhere to be seen.
“What the-?”
Before he could figure out what happened, a voice floated up from the orchestra pit. “Don’t worry. My fall was broken by Kermie’s love,” the voice sang sweetly. Kermit quickly joined the others at the edge of the stage. “Piggy?”
She was flat on her back, sprawled over a tuba wearing a spacey look on her face that was rather reminiscent of Gonzo after a really horrible accident. “Oh, hello, Kermie,” she called merrily, looking up at him dreamily.
“Oy, what a day. Miss Piggy, are you alright?”
Piggy stared at him silently for a moment, gleeful smile still gracing her face, then she blinked several times. “Oh. Oh! Uh, yes, I’m alright, I was just... ah...”
One of the camera operators approached clapping his hands enthusiastically. “Oh, wow, Miss Piggy, you’re the best! That was a hilarious adlib!”
She pulled herself up to a sitting position, looking about nervously. Her eyes met Kermit’s and she bit her lip, flushing lightly.
“Yes, of course, adlib!” Within seconds, Piggy was being helped to her feet. “One never knows what clever joke moi will come up with next... yes.”
Kermit bravely managed to keep a straight face.
“I think we’ll take a break now folks, give everyone a chance to recover. Piggy, are you going to need someone to check you over?” The diva tossed her hair brazenly over her shoulder.
“No, thank you, Kirk dear. Moi is unhurt.”
“Glad to hear it.”
As actors scattered to chat and go over lines, the techies and various overseers went to work checking cameras, going over the shots, discussing what had happened. Left to his own devices, Kermit tracked after Piggy, who tried to pretend she didn’t notice his approach as she made her way to her trailer. Once she was outside the theatre, away from prying eyes, he reached out and caught her by the elbow, spinning her around to face him as he had so many other times that day.
“Just your pride, huh?”
She stiffened and affected confusion. “Pardon?”
Kermit grinned slyly at her. “Nothing hurt, but your pride.”
“So the saying goes, Kermie. Now if you’ll excuse moi-”
“It’s taken quite a beating today, hasn’t it?”
Piggy pulled away from him with a frown. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m sure you do, Miss adlibber.” Kermit couldn’t help but chuckle at her discomfiture. Her eyes narrowed sharply at him and with a quick turn she started walking away from him. He watched her go for a minute, then ran to catch up, falling into step beside her.
“Do you think,” he begin innocently, “that I should put in for a label?”
“Label?” she asked with as little interest as possible, suspicion laced in her voice.
“Yeah, a warning label, I was thinking, maybe something like, ‘Warning, intense exposure to these lips may prove hazardous to your health.’ What do ya think?”
Piggy looked at him haughtily, but there was a glint in her eyes. “Moi thinks that if anyone besides moi is exposed to those lips of yours, it will certainly be hazardous to their health, and to yours.”
Kermit laughed softly. “My life will never be boring while you’re around, will it, Piggy?”
“Not if moi can help it.” She smiled at him, and there was nothing safe about the curve of her lips. “And Kermie, dear, moi can help it.”
He linked his arm with hers, then slipped his hand down to give hers a squeeze. “Good. I like to live life on the edge.”
“Vous spend far too much time with Gonzo, Kermie.”
She wasn’t complaining.
Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
Back to the Rock Season 2
Sesame Street Season 54
The Muppets Mayhem premieres
Bear arrives on Disney+
Sam and Friends Book
The second one is meant to be confusing 'til the end, o I won't worry too much about that. Good luck with your finals!