Scooter's Story

Uhhh...what just happened?

I actually have no idea where that came from.

It came from another woooooooorld!!

No, seriously, it came from Pittsburgh.

I always knew that place was run by Martians.

SCOOTER: You know, I never realized the Barenaked Ladies even had any tavelling music.

ED: Well, anything can be travelling music.

SCOOTER: So, what are we going to sing?

STEVE: La la la la, lenolium!

ALL: No.

STEVE: Okay. Oh, I got one! Hit it!

FLOYD plays an intro out on his guitar.

As the song progresses, it should seem almost as if they're singing to SCOOTER, who ponders over the lyrics as it goes along.

STEVE:

Well let me tell you if you're feeling alone,
Instead of whining and moaning,
Just get on the phone, tell her you're coming home

ALL:

If you need her, you should be there

STEVE:

If you scream in your sleep, or collapse in a heap
And spontaneously weep, then you know you're in deep

ALL:

If you need her, you should be there
Go Home

FLOYD AND JANICE:

There's nothing better than affairs of the heart
To make you feel so good then tear you apart
Make up your mind and stick it out or start again

STEVE:

You can't imagine what an effort it takes
When you make a mistake
And you know in the wake that a heart's going to break

ALL:

If you need her, you should be there

DR. TEETH:

If you're flummoxed and flushed
And your heartbeat is rushed
Then get out of the slush, tell your dog team to mush

ALL:

If you need her, you should be there
Go Home

FLOYD AND JANICE:

If you think of her as Joan of Arc
She's burning for you, get your car out of park
If you think of her as Catherine the Great
Then you should be the horse to help her meet her fate

ALL:

If you need her, you should be there,
Go Home

STEVE AND FLOYD:

You can't believe it, but it's true
She's given everything to you
Now take a moment to be sure
Before you give it all to her

STEVE:

Well now you're thinking that it's over at last,
All your woes in the past
But you've got to be fast; put your foot on the gas

ALL:

If you need her, you should be there

STEVE:

So now you're out from under the gun
And it's over and done
I won't spoil all the fun but if you ever wonder

ALL:

She'll be there if you need her
Go Home

STEVE AND FLOYD:

If you're lucky to be one of the few
To find somebody who can tolerate you
Then I shouldn't have to tell you again
Just pack your bags and get yourself on a plane

ALL:

If you need her, you should be there
Go Home
If you need her, you should be there
Go Home!

EXT. DESERT - NIGHT

The BARENAKED LADIES BUS pulls off to the side of the road, and all the Muppets within get out (except BOBO).

STEVE: Well, there ya here!

FLOYD: Hey, thanks, man!

ED: No problem! And if you ever need anything, just hollar!

They drive off.

JANICE: Gee, like, they were so totally groovy!

FLOYD: (looking around) Hey. Hey, wait a minute, man! We right back where we started from!

We adjust to reveal the overturned bus. They all stand staring at it.

FLOYD: They brought us back to our own dang bus!

BEAN: Those jerks! ... By the way, has anyone seen Bobo?

INT. BARENAKED LADIES BUS

BOBO is in the back, eating all their food.

BOBO: Say, any of you guys got any ketchup?

EXT. DESERT

FLOYD: They brought us back to the same spot, and they stole our bear! *sigh* Well, guess we better start anklin'.

They all begin to walk down the road. SCOOTER stops, though, for a moment. He's thinking. He looks around.

SCOOTER: Go home? Go home. Gosh. I know they weren't meaning me, but... were they? I miss the Muppet theater, but... I like it out here. *sigh*

SCOOTER starts to follow after them.

SCENE 13

INT. MUPPET THEATER

FOZZIE sits all alone in the big, empty auditorium.

FOZZIE: *sigh* It sure can get lonely in here. It's so big and quiet. It's kind of... intimdating, actually. It never used to be like this, I don't think. Scooter was always in the theater, he practically lived here! We would sit here and laugh and tell jokes and watch old T.V. shows... *sigh* I miss Scooter.

A TELEVISION enters and sets down in front of FOZZIE.

TELEVISION: Hey, Foz, how you doin'?

FOZZIE: Not so great, television.

TELEVISION: Maybe I could cheer you up. Wanna watch a few shows for old time's sake?

FOZZIE: Well, okay. Maybe that'll help me get my mind off things.

The TELEVISION turns on. All in the Family is playing.

FOZZIE: Wah! Now that is funny! This should cheer me up! Oh, this is Scooter's favorite episode, remember? ... Suddenly, I'm not quite so cheered up anymore. Change the channel, T.V.

It changes to a commercial for scooters.

TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Introducing the new, and improved, sleeker, faster, better scooter from mattel! This is the scooter for you! And, act now, and you'll not recevie one scooter, but TWO scooters for the low, low price of---

FOZZIE: Ack! Change the channel! Change the channel!

It changes to Snoopy, Come Home.

FOZZIE: Oh, this is better. I just love the Peanuts. Silly Snoopy! He thinks he'd be happier someplace else, so he's... (sad) running away from home! Oh, turn it off, television.

TELEVISION: (turning off) Okay. Just trying to cheer you up.

The TELEVISION exits.

FOZZIE sits there alone, looking around.

FOZZIE: *sigh*

(sung)

Just when you think that you know where you stand
You got the world in your hand
Just when you're sure of a dream that you planned,
That's when the scenery changes.
It changes.

FOZZIE stands, and starts to walk around the empty building.

FOZZIE:

Just when you think that you know all the facts
You hold the whole ball of wax
You've got it made, you can start to relax,
That's when your world rearranges.
It changes.

Someone that you really cared about,
Someone that you couldn't live without
Severs the ties.

All at once, you're all alone and scared,
All the happy hellos that you shared
Change to goodbyes.

Why must we pay for the lows that we say?
Pay when we sigh an adieu.
Just when you're sure and you're safe and secure,
That's when it happens to you.
It changes.

KERMIT enters, and watches FOZZIE from behind as he continues his song.

Why must we pay for the lows that we say?
Pay when we sigh an adieu.
Just when you're sure and you're safe and secure,
That's when it happens to you.
It changes.
Why, oh, why?

KERMIT approaches and places his hand on FOZZIE's shoulder.

Hehe, I take it that's for scene 12?

(I added more, Count! EEEE!)

But, that's right, kiddies. Say no to drugs, alcohol, and rides with an all-male group with an identity crisis.

I dunno if any of you know who this singer is, but I needed a female singer cuz I didn't have any for this yet. Besides, I really like the song. It has a sorta Muppety beat to it, and the lyrics are kinda nice.

SCENE 14

EXT. STREET - DAY

A side street of Chicago! SCOOTER, BEAN, and the ELECTRIC MAYHEM are wandering the streets, lost.

FLOYD: So, this is Chicago, huh?

JANICE: Like, wow! This is fantastic!

DR. TEETH: Makes you kinda wonder why we've never been here before.

FLOYD: Speakin' o' never bein' here before, we is lost!

JANICE: Fer sure.

DR. TEETH: Well, if we're lost, maybe we oughta---

FLOYD: Wait! Don't tell me! I know what you're gonna say. Maybe we oughta try Hare Krishna.

BEAN: Check one for The Muppet Movie!

FLOYD: We are lost as all lost can be!

BEAN: Well, no fear! I was a boy scout, and our motto is to be prepared!

SCOOTER: So, you're prepared, huh?

BEAN: Well, not exactly. They didn't teach us much after the motto. But I can make a really cute snow globe out of items found about the forest!

FLOYD: In case you hadn't noticed, we ain't in the forest.

SCOOTER: And there's enough tourist shops, I'm sure we could find a snow globe.

BEAN: *sigh* What's the point of having talent if your talent has no point?

FLOYD: Man, can you believe it? Lost in Chicago on a Saturday. I tell you what, man, this stinks.

ANIMAL: *sniff sniff* So-rry!

DR. TEETH: If only them Barenaked Ladies hadn't stranded us in the middle o' nowhere...

FLOYD: Yeah, how 'bout that, man? If I ever catch them, I'll sic Animal on 'em!

ANIMAL: Kill! Kill!

FLOYD: Yeah, Animal's gonna get the Barenaked Ladies!

ANIMAL: Kill! Ki--- Ladies? Wo-man! Wo-man!

FLOYD: Down Animal! Down!

SCOOTER: We really oughta find our way out of here.

DR. TEETH: The kid speaks the truth.

SCOOTER: You'd think watching all those John Hughes movies might give you an idea of how to get around in this city.

DR. TEETH: John Hughes?

JANICE: More like John Who, fer sure.

ZOOT: Man, that was so lame.

FLOYD: Well, let's see if we can't get out of here. Come on, gang!

The group start to leave. They walk past a young girl playing her guitar. SCOOTER stops to introduce her.

SCOOTER: (to camera) Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Holly Brooks!

SCOOTER joins her on guitar (this is his story, after all ;-)).

The song is accompanied by a montage of the gang trying to find their way around Chicago.

HOLLY:

(sung)

Saturday, what a day, what a silly little day.
Time to kill take a pill as i sit and contemplate
How i'd like to be around all the people in the town with their fancy cars and things,
But I... I've got time.

Stop pushin' all your tragedies away,
Each moment has got a lesson for the day,
Take something with you if you drag your heels in yesterdays,
Oh, these saturdays.

In the haste, in the grace, I've been up to my waist.
It isn't real what you feel when you find love in a chase.
I've been waiting for the day when someone takes me away and I never get replaced,
But I... I've got time.

Stop pushin' all your tragedies away,
Each moment has got a lesson for the day,
Take something with you if you drag your heels in yesterdays,
Oh, these saturdays.

As I sink, one more drink, I am running out of ink.
Feeling void, paranoid about every little thing.
And I wonder if I try to get up and say goodbye if I'll have the strength to leave,
Cuz I... I don't have much time anymore.

Stop pushin' all your tragedies away,
Each moment has got a lesson for the day,
Take something with you if you drag your heels in yesterdays,
Oh, these saturdays.

SCOOTER: Well, boy, Holly, it was really nice playing with ya, but we're gettin' kinda sidetracked from the story, so I'd better get outta here. Bye!

HOLLY: Goodbye!

SCOOTER runs off.

HOLLY: Who was that?

Hmmm. Starting to put in too many songs, I think...

Ah, I only have 3 more for the whole thing.

Weeeeeell, as much as I wanted to put the good ol' Hare Krishna throw-away in there, and I probably shoulda, I think I mighta referenced too many other Muppet movies already.

True. Hmmm. I think I'll add that now, actually.

I also realized, this would actually make a terrible movie. No original songs, and possibly the smallest Miss Piggy role since The Muppet Show, Season one?

(just added it)

If there's one thing I like in the story, its that Miss Piggy has a very small role for such a large pig! (That would be a great Floyd line)

I like the story. Keep it coming!

Nice point, Ryan...you know she's not there, but it doesn't bother you (at all).

Doing awesome, Justin!

Thanks!

For those of you who might like to see this movie made , you can either write to the Walt Disney Company and demand it be filmed, or I can slowly piece it together using pre-existing footage... starting with Scene 1: &mode=related&search=

That's an interesting idea!

And I loved the use of the song from "Snoopy Come Home." It's always been such a tear jerker.