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The corny joke thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Kiki, Dec 3, 2006.

  1. Mary Louise

    Mary Louise Well-Known Member

    Bob: The laundry made a mistake and sent me the wrong shirt. The collar is so tight, I can hardly breathe.

    Rob: That's your shirt, all right. But you've got your head through the buttonhole!
  2. The Shoe Fairy

    The Shoe Fairy Well-Known Member

    Did you guys hear about the bulimic birthday party?

    The cake lept out of the woman!
  3. Beakerfan

    Beakerfan Well-Known Member

    According to my dad, this was my grandfather's all-time favorite joke:

    Q: What do you do with your sleeping bag in the morning?

    A:Tell her to go make breakfast.
  4. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    Here's a dumb blonde joke I once read in Reader's Digest, that was based on a true story that involved gangsters...

    There once was a ventriloquist, who took to the stage, with his little dummy sitting on his knee, and proceeds to go into a series of dumb blonde jokes; everyone in the audience gets a kick out of it, save for one platinum beauty in the front row, who stands out of her seat, "How dare you!" She said, "that stereotype is very outdated, not all blondes out there as that dumb you know!" At this point, the ventriloquist feels a little bad about the routine and begins to offer an apology to her, but she responds with "You keep outta this, I'm talking to that little jerk sitting on your knee!"

    :batty: :batty:

    Interestingly, the true story that was based on involved a ventriloquist, who had his dummy raz a group of gangsters that were sitting in his audience; in a fit of peak, one of the gangsters actually gets up on stage, and punches the dummy so hard its head pops off. The gangster actually stood over the dummy and threatened to kill it if it made anymore jokes like that. :eek:
  5. Beakerfan

    Beakerfan Well-Known Member

    THIS one was, according to my dad, my grandmother's favorite joke:

    Q: What should you do if you get eaten by an elephant?

    A: Run around 'till you get all pooped out.

    Yeah.... now I know where I get my sense of humor from...
  6. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    Reminds of that joke Colin Mochrie once did playing Weird Newscasters - "A man swallowed whole by a whale today managed to escape by running all the way down to the end until he was pooped out!"
  7. Beakerfan

    Beakerfan Well-Known Member

    Ahaha that was a good one... *goes to find it on YouTube*
  8. Oscarfan

    Oscarfan Well-Known Member

    Here's one I made up yesterday:

    What happens when you knock over a baby horse?

    It "foal"-'s over!
  9. Teheheman

    Teheheman Well-Known Member

    Somebody told me that I left something behind me............I looked and then they told me my footsteps.

  10. Gelfling Girl

    Gelfling Girl Well-Known Member

    A man had two horses, but he couldn't figure out which one was which. He called his friend who told him to mark one with chalk. It rained and the chalk washed off. Then, his friend told him to cut one of the horse's hair. It grew back later. Then, his friend told him to measure the two horses. The man called his friend back and tells him, "You're a genius! My grey horse is taller than my brown horse!"
  11. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    Boy I'm think, I almost didn't get that one at first...
  12. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    Okay, here's the corniest joke to end all corny jokes...

    What would you put into a fake toilet?

    Give up?

  13. Teheheman

    Teheheman Well-Known Member

    I saw this on a Brian Regan DVD, where his son said he had a joke for his career. He said that he went up into his room and asked what his joke was.
    'Why don't dinosaurs talk?'
    Because they're all dead

  14. Gelfling Girl

    Gelfling Girl Well-Known Member

    If you had 10 cookies and Cookie Monster ate one, how many would you have?


    None. Cookie wouldn't eat just one.
  15. muppets2

    muppets2 Well-Known Member

    Do you know why they named the 405 freeway the 405?

    Because you wait there for 4 or 5 hours
  16. Gelfling Girl

    Gelfling Girl Well-Known Member

    Two girls locked their keys in their car. The first girl says, "We need to find a way to get the keys out of the car. It's about to rain." The other girl then responds, "Yeah, and we left the convertible roof down."
  17. muppets2

    muppets2 Well-Known Member

    how do you repair a broken tomato?

    Tomato paste!
  18. APRena

    APRena Well-Known Member

    Whaddaya call a deer with no eyes?

    No idear.
  19. muppets2

    muppets2 Well-Known Member

    where do horses live?

    In neigh-borhoods
  20. Gelfling Girl

    Gelfling Girl Well-Known Member

    Here's a joke for all they psychics reading this...

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