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Dealing with depression and anxiety

Discussion in 'Friends and Family' started by charlietheowl, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. beaker Well-Known Member

    I've just stopped caring. The future comes, the future goes. I gave the proverbial middle finger to jobs, school, degrees, religion, society, etc a long time ago
  2. DramaQueenMokey Well-Known Member

    I had been taking St. John's Wort, an herbal supplement for my anxiety and it was really helping and I was sleeping through the night again! But, I've had quite a few asthma flare ups and I found out that the St. John's Wort was what made me have those asthma flare ups. It stinks that what was helping my anxiety was hurting me as well and now I can't take it. It's nerve wracking not being able to sleep through the night, but, hopefully I'll talk to my therapist soon and see if I can take something else for my anxiety.
  3. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you were having flare-ups. My practitioner changed the dosage on my medication recently and it makes me fuzzy sometimes, so I'm going to see her to complain about it.

    Exactly what did you find that the saint john's wort did in regards to your anxiety? Was it something you would take like a vitamin in the morning or was it something you would take when you felt really anxious and it would calm you down?
  4. DramaQueenMokey Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the sympathy <3 And the St. John's Wort helped me not to be shaky, I didn't feel as if my heart was jumping up into my throat and was sleeping soundly. I was taking it regularly about three times a day and it would help to keep me clam.
  5. newsmanfan Well-Known Member

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    You guys might look into valerian root or melatonin as natural mood-calmers and sleep-inducers. My drug tolerance is too high for them to be effective except in unhealthy doses, but I know they work for a lot of people.

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  6. RedPiggy Well-Known Member

  7. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    There comes a point when you've just had enough. In the past year, I've had to deal with fear over my uncertain future, fear over my the dissolution of my family, and fear over the reactions of others' to my bisexuality. That's a LOT to deal with, and I think I have done a fairly good job. I've kept it mostly together, fallen down a few times, but still managed to pick myself up. Yet everybody reaches a limit.

    My parents are splitting up. My sister told me on the phone yesterday that she wished that her aunt and uncle were her biological parents and then she told my mother to "rot in h***" over the phone. My mother tossed my father out, but then had to take him back in temporarily because he simply had no place to go. I have four midterms next week. I have received pained phone calls from my mother and sister in the past 48 hours. I am exhausted, and yet I know the world is not going to stop for me and let me take a break. The world only stops for those who are surrounded by people hapless and kind-hearted enough to stop it for them. No one is going to magically make all my midterms go away, and no one is going to make my family stop destroying itself. I cannot say "OH BRB I'M GONNA GO BE A FRAGGLE FOR A FEW DAYS" or do anything else except put my head down and keep plugging forward.

    What do you guys do when everything hits the fan? What do you do when you're just tired?
  8. heralde Well-Known Member

    I talk to friends who don't mind my venting once and awhile, heh. And if I can't actually be a Fraggle, I do the next best thing and pop in a DVD, usually one I haven't seen in awhile so it's something fresh and distracting. But bottom line, don't let other people's problems interfere with your ability to finish your midterms. It's your future and you have to look after yourself as well. :)
  9. Gonzo's Hobbit Well-Known Member

    I usually go to a place where I can't hear anything. My car seems to work really nice for this.
    I'll admit that I don't have any idea what to do for the most part other than pray and avoid people as best I can. I know that that's impossible to do all the time but any time I get the chance I do. Reading helps too sometimes. I also tend to ask people for hugs, or I hug my stuffed Gonzo.
  10. RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    I got a speech like that ... from my father.

    Your mother is nicer than I am. With all the violence in my parents' marriage, he should be glad he made it out with all his body parts attached.

    Unplug the landline or turn off the cell. Does WONDERS for controlling chaos. Your parents' issues are THEIR issues. They have no right to ruin your life over them.

    Of course not. You CAN tell those two little toddlers labeling themselves parents to go grow up. I did, and it was quite freeing.
    newsmanfan likes this.
  11. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    It's hard for me to try and conceive doing that, because I just feel so bad every time I talk to them that I almost naturally start playing the doormat role. But I think I have finally reached my limit. No one's patience is boundless, and I'm pretty much going to have to make sure my parents know their boundaries soon.
  12. RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    It's difficult. I only got the courage to do it in my late teens, and even then I would've thought twice before telling off the Ol' Man in person, as it was awhile before I could rival him in strength and willingness to injure. Fortunately this was a phone conversation and dear ol' dad was too cheap and lazy to come in person. It's not going to kill them to grow up. Oh, sure, YOUR life will be unpleasant (unless you change the locks/your phone number) for a bit, but it's the best thing for all involved to go ahead and draw the line and say "thou shall not pass". :)

    My father tried to pop in every once in awhile, though just through phone calls and emails. I changed my number and blocked his email address and messenger ID. I don't tolerate people who only want to be loved ones when they can pencil you in. I've lived like that for far too long. My adulthood belongs to me. I never got help from anyone growing up, and I'll be danged if I let my adulthood be ruined.
  13. heralde Well-Known Member

    Being confrontational isn't really my cup of tea either, lol. You don't have to stop being supportive, but you actually have a good excuse that you have midterms to study for and you want to be the responsible grown up and get them done. ;)
  14. newsmanfan Well-Known Member

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    So very sorry you have to deal with this right now. You're right: you don't need any more stress than you already have, period. Turning off the phone, or just refusing to take their calls beyond a "I'm really sorry you guys are going through this but it is not MY problem, it is YOUR problem, and I have tests and other stress to deal with so please don't call me for a week" response, is a very good idea. DO NOT allow them to make you their dumping grounds. If you're not able yet to stand up and tell them off, that's okay; it takes time, like RedPiggy said. But for now, I urge you to simply tell them you cannot deal with their stuff and shut it all down. Remove yourself from that equation -- which is something YOU do have full control over!

    What do you do when the world is black? And you cannot afford in time or money to simply walk away for a while? Well...yeah, ducking your head and plowing through it can work, but it doesn't ease your stress. Take time to unwind, even if that's only a couple hours here and there. Make yourself incommunicado. Plunge into something you want to do just for the halibut, even if that means doing nothing whatsoever. Remember that no one is allowed to take control of you, ever. Period. Your parents sound very codependent and have designated you the person to whine at. Refuse. Suggest THEY get counselling. "Mom, I care and I'm sorry, but I can't solve this for you and I have enough to deal with as it is. Why don't you go find a professional to help you through this? It's helped me some."

    Hugs. :sympathy:
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    charlietheowl likes this.
  15. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I did talk to both my parents this evening, and expressed several of my desires in a gentle enough way that I didn't feel bad about it. I told them I had four midterms next week, and would only like to be contacted if it was a dire situation, and they agreed to that. My mother began saying things like "we have a lot to deal with" and phrases like that, and I said to her that comparatively she, my father, and my sister had a lot more to work on with this than me. I have been the most mature person in dealing with all of this, and it was about time they stepped up to the plate and did things. My mother also mentioned (without prompting from me) that she was planning up entering therapy; I will obviously follow up on that. So I got some space and things appear to be slowly moving in a positive direction. Possibly.
    newsmanfan and heralde like this.
  16. Gonzo's Hobbit Well-Known Member

    That's great to hear Chris. I hope the positive trend is able to keep going. That's great that they listened to you.
    charlietheowl likes this.
  17. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Feeling very anxious this morning, and I'm having a hard time unpacking my thoughts to figure out why I'm anxious, which leads to more anxiety. Hoping I can shake this mood as early as possible.
    We Got Us likes this.
  18. newsmanfan Well-Known Member

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    Get out those grad school brochures and start organizing what you need to do. Productive, distracting, AND helps secure your own future. Hang in there Charlie. :sympathy:
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  19. RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    Wear black yourself so you're not an instant target. :)
    Good for her. This is a very positive sign. Mine would rather die first.
    You are always welcome to PM me and vent if you need to. :)
  20. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I'm hoping that she has followed up on this. I'm going home for spring break and at some point am going to find out if she has actually followed up on it. I'll have my fingers crossed.

    And thanks for saying I can vent to you if I need to. I appreciate it.

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