...Well, we'd be without the Crocodile Hunter anyway. He's dead, dear. For as much time as you spend reading the newspaper, I'd think you'd have heard that by now.
And, son- erm, fiance's son... Well, you. Kid. No, I'm not going to hit Daddy, as long as he behaves himself. I'm not going to cook the ribs, I'm going to hire someone else to do it, but don't tell your father that. I have no idea where you came from. And how should I know about Santa? I'm Jewish.