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Muppet Fan-Fiction - Men Are Pigs

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, May 18, 2007.

  1. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member


    <recovers> <ahem> MORE PLEASE! Oh, this was a GREAT thing to read before vanishing to college orientation... <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<HUGS AND SNUGGLES AND GLOMP!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Good chapter. Liked Zany's introspective ramblings. *Hugs Zany. *Rushes Zany over to Beth so she can get him to Puddin' Parker's penguin tapdancing studio to teach him how to tapdance.
    You know... Also liked the images conjured when Piggy said "Yes" to Kermit's proposal.

    Very intrigued to see what's in store for the final chapter and how you thread this into the lead-in for Book 2 of this thrilling trilogy, if those are still the plans.
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    First of all, you should be intrigued. :halo:

    Second, yes, they are still most definitely in the plans. Just... not necessarily right after each other.
  4. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Just so long as it gets posted, you scoundrel.
    *Sorry, channeling Sam there for a moment, great tribute to him at Muppetcast.
  5. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Active Member

    I have been reading it. :3 I am sorry for not commenting as activley but do know that I have been stalking this fic! I am very shocked at what Kermit did. XD I choked on my water. xD
  6. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Okay, so Layla's standing here taking pictures of all my Muppet stuff, and saying "wow" a lot. So I figured I'd sneak behind her and post the final chapter for her to read. So, everyone, here it is, the final chapter of "Men Are Pigs." Thanks for reading!
  7. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 25

    "What did vous think of moi’s number, Kermie?" Miss Piggy asked sweetly as she came strolling backstage.

    "Oh, Miss Piggy, my dear, it was no doubt one of the best performances you have ever given us on our humble stage," Kermit said.

    "Aw," Piggy said. "That’s exactly what I was thinking." She pecked him on the cheek. "Moi has to go get changed for the closing number now, my sweet."

    "As do I," Kermit said.

    "Alas, we must part," Miss Piggy said.

    "I’ll count the seconds until I see vous again," Kermit said.

    "And that’s why you were on Sesame Street for so long," Piggy said. Kermit pecked her on the cheek, and she swept away to her dressing room, waving cutely down at him, and the frog waving cutely back.

    He sighed happily and turned back towards his desk. It was then he realized that six eyes were staring at him.

    "Man, are you gonna be like this all the time now?" Floyd asked.

    "Si, because if jou are," Pepe said. "I may just start carrying a barf bag around with me, hokay?"

    "Ya know, Kerm," Clifford said. "We’re never gonna let you hear the end of this."

    "Trust me," Kermit said. "I know."

    Clifford, Floyd, and Pepe laughed. "Hey, jou’re an engaged man now, Kermin," Pepe said.

    "Yeah, green stuff," Floyd said. "No more cat-callin’!"

    "I didn’t know you dated a cat!" Gonzo’s voice said.

    "Gonzo?" Kermit asked, not seeing the weirdo. "Where are you?"

    "Down here!" Gonzo’s voice called from under Kermit’s desk.

    Kermit bent down and looked underneath his desk. "What are you doing down there?"

    "I don’t know," Gonzo said.

    "What?" Kermit asked.

    "I was just trying to find a place to be alone with Camilla," Gonzo admitted.

    "Camilla’s down there too?" Clifford asked.

    "Yeah! We’re cozy!" Gonzo said.

    "Why are all of d’ese relationships so very strange?" Pepe asked.

    "Did you expect any less?" Kermit asked.

    Pepe shrugged. "No, just t’inking out loud, hokay?"

    "We get a lot of that around here," Kermit said.

    Fozzie came darting of the stage, screaming. "Kermit!" he shouted. The bear
    grabbed the frog and pulled him to his chest. "Kermit! They hate it! They want you!"

    "They hate you’re act?" Kermit asked.

    "Did jou expect any less?" Pepe asked.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "But they want me?"

    "You and Piggy! Yeah!" Fozzie said.

    "But, why?" Kermit asked.

    "You’re two are like fire in a forest," Gonzo said, finally popping out from under the desk. "You’re hot!"

    "Thanks," Kermit said. "I think."

    "You better get out there, Kerm," Clifford said, glancing out at the reckless audience.

    "But we’re not ready for the final number yet," Kermit said.

    "Boss! Boss!" Scooter shouted, running in frantically. "There’s nothing on stage!"

    Kermit panicked. "Gah- er- um, stall!" he said, running up to a dressing room.
    Clifford, Fozzie, Gonzo, Pepe, and Scooter all looked at each other.

    "Um, I’ve gotta get back to Camilla," Gonzo said, darting back under the table.

    "I’ve gotta go find Skeeter," Clifford said, sneaking off.

    "And, uh, band’s playin’ for the closing number," Floyd said, going the way of Clifford.

    "Do jou have a womens to get to?" Pepe asked Fozzie.

    "No," Fozzie said.

    "And what about jou?" Pepe asked Scooter.

    "Huh uh," Scooter said.

    "Well d’en, men," Pepe said. "D’at leaves us to show d’is reckless crowd who is de boss, hokay?"

    "Tony Danza?" Fozzie asked.

    "No! Not Tony Danza!" Pepe shouted. "...Who’s Tony Danza?"

    "Who cares?" Scooter asked. "We’ve got to go out there and stall! We can do the Simon Smith number, Foz!"

    "No way," Fozzie said. "I’ve already been out there once, and risked my life, I’m not doing it again!"

    "Fine then," Scooter said. "Pepe and I will do it."

    "Do what?" Pepe asked.

    "Just come on," Scooter said, dragging the prawn behind him. "Just follow my lead."

    Fozzie tilted his head to the side. "Simon Smith and the Amazing Dancing Prawn?" he asked.

    "Sounds great!" Gonzo said from under the desk.


    "Don’t make this harder than it has to be."

    "But- but why? Why now?"

    "It won’t work between us, you know that."

    "I just don’t understand."

    "I’m sorry, but... but this is just how it has to be."

    "There must be something I can do, something I can say!"

    "There’s nothing, I’m sorry."

    "Will I ever see you again?"

    "I’m sure the wind will blow me back to you someday."

    "When? When will I see you?"

    "Keep your eye on the horizon, my sweet, and someday, I’ll return."

    "Goodbye, Marge, my sweet," Sam Eagle said, his eyes locked with Aunt Marge’s.

    "I’ll never forget you, Sammy," Aunt Marge said.

    "You better go," Sam said. "If you hurry, you’ll be home in time to see Congress tonight on C-SPAN."

    "But Congress isn’t meeting today," Aunt Marge said.

    "I know," Sam said. "It’s unscripted today."

    Aunt Marge bid farewell to Sam, and stepped on the train heading home to Leland.

    "There goes one of the handsomest women I’ve ever met," Sam said to himself.


    Link Hogthrob strolled on stage in front of the curtains and faced the audience. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said. "Miss Piggy and Kermit have asked me to introduce the final number, mostly because, well, they’re in it," Link said. "And uh, well, there’s one thing I’d like to say."

    "Look, Statler, he’s sweating!" Waldorf said.

    "I think maybe he’s on a frying pan!" Statler said.

    "I don’t get it," Link said.

    "Just introduce the number, meathead," Miss Piggy growled at Link from behind the curtain.

    "But, I have to say something," Link said.

    "Well just hurry up!" Piggy replied. "It’s dark back here."

    "Um, well, okay," Link said. "Thank you for all the publicity."

    "He’s hamming it up, Waldorf," Statler said.

    "And we’re not even joking this time!" Waldorf said.

    "Get on with it!" Piggy shouted.

    "Um, ladies and gentlemen, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy," Link said. "Which way do I go?" he asked. "Oh." He walked off stage quickly.

    The spotlight opened on Miss Piggy in center stage. She was in a lavish white dress, sparkling at all angles in the spotlight.

    "Especially for you," she sang. At the first lyric, the audience exploded with applause.
    "I wanna let you know what I was going through
    All the time we were apart I thought of you.

    "You were in my heart
    My love never changed
    I still feel the same."

    Another spotlight opened on Kermit on stage right, and the audience roared again. The frog began to walk towards Miss Piggy as he sang.

    "Especially for you," he sang, his eyes focusing completely on Piggy.

    "I wanna tell you I was feeling that way too
    And if dreams were wings, you know
    I would’ve flown to you
    To be where you are."

    "No matter how far," Piggy said.

    "Now that I’m next to you-" they harmonized.

    "No more dreaming about tomorrow
    Forget the loneliness and the sorrow," Kermit sang.

    "I’ve gotta say-" Piggy sang.

    "It’s all because of you," they sang together, hands locked.

    "And now we’re back together, together
    I wanna show you, my heart is oh, so true
    And all the love I have is especially for you," they sang together, their eyes stuck on each other.

    "Especially for vous, Kermie," Piggy sang.

    "I wanna tell you, vous mean all the world to me."

    "How I’m certain that our love was meant to be," Kermit sang. "You changed my life," he said to her, not caring about anyone else.

    "Showed me the way," Piggy sang.

    "And now that I’m next to you."

    "I’ve waited long enough to find you
    I wanna put all the hurt behind you," Kermit sang.

    "And I’ve gottabring out all the love inside you," Piggy sang.

    "Oh, and now we’re back together, together
    I wanna show you, my heart is oh, so true
    And all the love I have is especially for you."

    "Kermie, I’ve missed you so much," Piggy said, nearly in tears.

    "I’d do anything for you Piggy," Kermit said. "Anything."

    "You were in my heart
    The love never changed," Piggy sang.

    "So no more dreaming about tomorrow
    Forget the loneliness and the sorrow."

    "I’ve gotta say it’s all because of you," they both sang.

    "Now we’re back together, together
    I wanna show you, my heart is oh, so true
    And all the love I have is especially for you."

    The lovers repeated the chorus as a flood of Muppets swarmed the stage, singing the chorus as well.

    "And all the love I have is especially for you," Miss Piggy and Kermit sang the final line, completely immersed in each other.

    Kermit dipped Miss Piggy in his arms and kissed her in front of the entire audience, and everyone else. Again.

    "I love you, Kermie," Miss Piggy said to her frog.

    "I love you too, Miss Piggy," Kermit said. "More than anything."

    Robin hopped up to the front of the stage next to his uncle. "We’ll see you all next time on The Muppet Show!"

    The audience cheered louder than they had all night long, in fact, they were all out of their seats in appreciation for Kermit, Miss Piggy, and the Muppets.

    "Thank you!" Kermit called. "Thank you all!"

    "Kissy! Kissy!" Miss Piggy called.

    "Hey, wait!" Gonzo shouted."

    Everyone grew silent and all attention turned to the weirdo.

    "So, when is the wedding, anyway?" Gonzo asked.

    Kermit and Miss Piggy stared at each other. They both shrugged, and answered by kissing again.

    "What does that mean?" Gonzo asked.

  8. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    You know... Don't know how to feel about this ending. Can't put my finger on it, but there's something missing... And no, it's not more frogs and dogs and bears and pigs and whatevers. So I'll just let everybody else rave in review of this. Thanks though. Oh, and please send me a full copy to send along to Sis if you could.
  9. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Yayyy! Gotta love the happy ending. :) I did not know you potentially have more in store for us? Anyway, I loved these two last chapters. I especially loved the line "who's the boss" and the response "Tony Danza". That was really funny. Also liked the way things ended with Aunt Marge and Sam. It was cute and just right. So, if there is going to be another story to follow up this one, I say, bring it on!
  10. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Active Member

    I loved it. : ) Thanks.
  11. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Good question.

    Good answer.

    Good question.

    Good answer.

    Anyway- <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<GLOMP!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> for Prawnie! AWESOME awesome chapter to end an AWESOME awesome story! <<<<<<HUGS!>>>>>>
  12. Java

    Java Active Member

    Oh, Ryan. There is nothing else I can say about this story that hasn't already been said. I greatly enjoyed it.
  13. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad, Java! It's definitely my favorite! I'm so glad you liked it!
  14. Redsonga

    Redsonga Active Member

    I know everyone else probity read this a hundred years ago but:
    1. I'm a slow reader.
    2. I just got here.
    3. And I just read chapter one :)
    I really like it so far for what it is worth :D
  15. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Haha! I'm glad you're enjoying it, Redsonga! Always good to have new readers, no matter when they read! :D I look forward to seeing your thoughts on this story!
  16. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    "Latest gossip I heard, sweety, was that ‘your’ frog was

    out with a different girl every night!"

    Piggy smirked. "No," she said. "That was moi with a

    different outfit every night.

    Hahahah! Oh I love that comeback!

    Rowlf was sitting prophetically

    How else can he sit?

    "What do you want me to dress him in?" Beauregard

    asked. "I have a nice cinnamon glaze."

    *giggles!* I love it! And I love cinnamon glaze...

    "I’ll pencil in auditions for blinkers next week,"

    Scooter said

    HAHAHAHAHAH! Oh that is a truely funny line. It should be

    my signiture...

    "Nothing, Sam, just the big scene that outlines the

    entire plot."

    So he really was looking prophetically...

    Aunt Marge


    "Yes, Kermit?" she said, emphasizing his full name,

    rather than "Kermie".

    Oh, I like that...KerMIT!

    "Evening!" Link called as he was pulled out the door.

    Bring in on, Linkey!

    "I said that most women are wrong, most of the time!"

    Clifford reiterated

    ...Um...Ouch? He is gunna be in a whole WORLD of trouble.

    Scooter looked himself up and down. "Boss, what am I

    supposed to be?"

    We'd all like some answers to that...Something like a


    Skeeter punched the bedroom wall. "How could they say


    That's why we love ya Skeety!

    "Uh, more tea, dear Aunt Marge?" Kermit asked


    *giggles* Good Kermit. Good Kermit.

    "Sure," Kermit said. "I’m open to any suggestions."

    "Pay de prawn more of de monies," Pepe interjected.

    "Except that one," Kermit said.

    "Pay the bear more of the monies?" Fozzie asked.

    Kermit frowned. "And that one."


    Janice looked the room over at all the available men.

    Clifford and Gonzo were ruled out, Sam would just be too


    What is this? A dig at moi, eh?

    "C’mon bacon grease, we’re getting coffee," Piggy said.

    "But that stunts my growth," Link whined.

    *falls off chair*

    Clifford lowered his sunglasses in Fozzie’s direction

    Great image. But does he have eyes?

    "Please, it’s da hair. You use so much hair spray, d’

    ere’s a big hole in de O-Zone right above your head!"

    *snorts* I'm gunna need some more air in my lungs after all

    this snorting...

    "Jou, Kermin, are an evil, evil, mistress, hokay?"


    "Uh, I t’ink I hear my tea pot boilin’," Rizzo said,

    scooting off.

    Do you realise that tea=-pots do NOT boil?

    "Fozzie?" Kermit said to his best friend. "Can we


    Fozzie nodded. "Okay..." Fozzie said. "But tomorrow’s

    Friday, you know."


    "You just don’t know what it’s like
    When the bottom drops out of your life
    When your reason to be
    Disappears suddenly
    And your melody loses its song," Gonzo sang slowly.

    OH MY GOSH! He sang THE SONG!

    "Which rocker were you on, Kermit?" Fozzie asked,

    shocked. "Is that why Floyd and Janice are broken up?"

    *falls off chair again*

    "If you- no pun intended- chicken out, it all falls


    No pun intended? This IS the Muppets :p

    Seriously though...I have some catching up to do, eh?
  17. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *GLOMPS BEAU! ! ! ! ! !* I can't... I did NOT expect... AHH! *GLOMPS BEAU! ! ! !*
  18. miss muppet

    miss muppet Active Member

    Bast story I have ever read !
    theprawncracker likes this.
  19. TheWeirdoGirl

    TheWeirdoGirl Well-Known Member

    I just finished reading this, and I must say, it was fantastic! I really enjoyed it!
    theprawncracker likes this.
  20. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Squeeeee! Romantic story with awesome ending! Yay!
    theprawncracker likes this.

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