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Muppet Fan-Fiction: Weddings Are Disastrous

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, May 18, 2008.

  1. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Active Member

    *Trying so, so hard not to laugh at Link's limited brain power*
    xD That...rocked.
    HAHAHAHAHA......LMAO.....Silly piggy. XD
  2. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    Great Chapter

    Great Chapter! I loved the whole exchange between Grover and Kermit. Grover is usally seen as being the silly, absent minded monster of the Street, but I love the innocent wisdom he shows here. Hopefully, we will see more Kermit and Piggy interaction as they prepare for all this wedding craziness. A lot of good story from both characters individually, so hopefully more interactions between them will occur.

    Poor Link. Great job with writing that though, I think that is exactly what would have happened!

    Awesome update, post more soon please!
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 8

    Miss Piggy fiddled with her engagement ring upon her finger. She sighed happily. Boredom was never so much fun.

    Her bed was coated with a layer of down pillows (don’t ask how she got the feathers, she just did, alright?) that she lavishly sprawled herself out upon in a lovely white evening gown. Yes, it was ten in the morning, but she wore upon her an air of “So what, who cares?” so no one bothered to bother her.

    She let out another joyful sigh and felt around her bed for something. “Ah ha,” she muttered, grabbing hold of a magazine and whisking it around in front of her.

    Well, it wasn’t really a magazine; it was more of a tabloid. No—it was an actual tabloid. Slanderous Junk Weekly was the title. Its reporters made a very big deal of making stars out of her and Link when they were allegedly together—and Miss Piggy made a very big deal of making herself more of a star than Link at that time.

    This article in this specific issue of Slanderous Junk, however, was making a big deal out of Piggy and another man.

    This man was a frog, of course.

    In a sub-heading of the issue, it read, “Frog and Pig Wedding Details—EXCUSIVE Interview with the Bride!” Piggy didn’t even mind that she had never given an interview to these filthy gossip mongers—it was just always nice to see her name in lights.

    Or at least light print.

    She blew a raspberry with her lips as she flipped through the pages within the magazine. (She had already marked the pages she and Kermit were mentioned on, so she decided to take this opportunity to look through the rest of the magazine’s many splendors.) (Or lack thereof.)

    Realizing that there was no point in this venture, she immediately turned back to the marked pages and swooned over the picture of her attacking Kermit with a kiss as she burst through the doors of the television studio he proposed to her in (it was much more romantic than it sounded) and Kermit attacking her back.

    Skimming through the so-called wedding plans, Piggy read that her wedding would be star-studded. Well, yes, she would be there, and isn’t that star enough? Sure, a few of her and Kermit’s close friends who expressed interest in the wedding happened to be famous as well—but by no means would she call it “star-studded.”

    Based on the guest list she drafted up (and Kermit subsequently approved after thorough research) it was decided that the wedding should be kept within only they’re closest friends and their families.

    Unfortunately for the tabloids, she couldn’t reveal those details—they’d take it out of proportion and bill it as a “small” wedding. By no means was the affair going to be small. Kermit had been around for over fifty years—a lot of people were going to be at this thing!

    Piggy snuggled down inside a large pillow with that happy thought in her mind. She loved people, and she loved weddings. Moreover, she loved it when people came to her wedding. (Not that she’d had that experience before.)

    Piggy sat up suddenly, sending the tabloid in her hands—and the stack of them all featuring an article about her and Kermit—flying to the floor. “Wait a second!” she shouted suddenly. “I still need to find another bridesmaid!”

    She hopped out of her bed swiftly and ran to her closet. She opened it and clothes, all hung orderly by increasing shade, pushed out towards her. “Memo to moi’s self,” Piggy said. “For wedding gift, suggest more closet space.” She reached her purple satin gloved hand into the closet and pulled out (and put on) a purple morning robe with her initials swirled across the right chest area and her name in the same font on the back.

    She stopped by her vanity to check the current state of her hair. She flipped it back around her head and carefully moved an individual strand then decided she was more than presentable. She took a deep breath then slowly turned the handle of her bedroom door.

    Miss Piggy burst into the hallway magnificently, making an entrance to enchant. “Good morning, little people!” Piggy said happily. “Moi… has risen.”

    She was posed prominently in her doorway, waiting for the proper recognition that should come with such a spectacular entrance.

    It didn’t come.

    She muttered to herself about her adoring public being the butt of her own faulty scheme as she made her way down the stairs towards the kitchen.

    She walked into the dining room to find Bob, Gordon, Susan, Maria, and Luis all sitting around the table enjoying a home-cooked breakfast (the first one in a long, long time that the Swedish Chef had not cooked). Much to Piggy’s surprise, Link was at the table as well.

    “Morning,” Link mumbled to Piggy—they hadn’t really been speaking since they “broke up” (aside from the occasional Pigs in Space sketch).

    “Good morning Miss Piggy,” Susan said cheerfully. “We saved you some pancakes—they’re on the counter.” Susan gave a huge smile.

    Piggy faked a smile of her own. Oh great, she thought. They’re morning people. “Thank vous dear,” Piggy said sweetly. “But, unfortunately, moi is trying to watch her figure you know—I do have a wedding dress to fit into in four months.”

    “Miss Piggy, trust me,” Maria said. “From a married woman, eat all ya want—you won’t stretch that much.”

    “You really did just get here, didn’t you?” Link said.

    Piggy shot a horrific glare in Link’s direction, making him drop his silverware nervously. She smirked victoriously and turned to face Maria. “I’m afraid we pigs have a different metabolism than vous, dear—‘tis nothing but salad and fruit por moi until the wedding,” Piggy said, rolling the “R” in fruit.

    “You know, Miss Piggy,” Gordon said. “Some whole wheat toast with jam and a glass of milk or orange juice would also be a great way to make breakfast healthy for you.”

    “Even a bowl of whole-grain cereal with half a cup of milk would be great,” Bob said.

    “Guys, you’re off the Street,” Piggy said. “You don’t have to teach all the time.”

    “Sorry,” Bob said sheepishly, “force of habit.”

    “Here, let me get you some toast and cereal,” Maria said, getting up from her chair.

    “Oh, no, dear, I won’t have it,” Piggy said.

    “Miss Piggy, you’re letting us stay here for four months, it’s the least I can do,” Maria said. Maria was now standing—nay, hovering over Piggy. Not because Maria was freakishly tall, however, but because Miss Piggy was a pig, and therefore rather short.

    Piggy faked another smile. Of course, humans are always too tall, she thought. That rules out her and Susan as potential bridesmaids.

    Piggy pushed down the base of her robe and sat down in the chair next to Bob as Maria went to find Piggy something to eat that wouldn’t tempt her body to explode inside her dress.

    She rapped her gloved fingers upon the table in front of her, trying to come up with another option for her bridesmaid vacancy. Maybe moi could offer free cable and a Jacuzzi… Piggy pondered.


    Gonzo was sitting at the top of the stairwell backstage at the Muppet Theater with Lew Zealand caressing a fish and Beaker nervously fiddling with his hands.

    “So men,” Gonzo said, “now you know why I called you both here today.”

    Kermit and Grover approached with caution to the group of weirdoes; Kermit had his arm on Grover’s chest to make sure he didn’t get too involved with whatever it was Gonzo was planning.

    “Oh, Kermit, hi!” Gonzo said to the frog with an excited tone that the situation did not call for.

    “Hey Gonzo,” Kermit said with a half-smile. “What’re you guys up to?”

    “Oh, uh,” Gonzo’s eyes opened wide. “Just discussing—”

    “Politics!” Lew interjected.

    “Exactly!” Gonzo shouted.

    “Mee mee mo’bama!” Beaker squeaked.

    Gonzo nodded. “He wants better health care,” he said. “Beaker and I will definitely benefit.”

    “What about Lew?” Kermit asked suspiciously.

    “He cares about the environment!” Lew said forcefully, almost falling down the stair he was on. “More fish! Heh heh!”

    “Just what we need around here,” Kermit muttered. “More animals.”

    “Aw, but animals are so cute,” Grover said.

    “I was groaning about rats,” Kermit said.

    “Hey, Kermit, some sensitivity, please!” Gonzo said. “Beaker himself is a guinea pig—a direct relative of the rat!”

    Beaker shifted uneasily and squeaked something unintelligible (duh, it’s all unintelligible). Kermit shook his head. “Sorry about that,” Kermit said. “Gonzo, can I talk to you for a second?”

    “Kermit, you already are!” Gonzo said.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. “Privately?” Kermit asked.

    Gonzo opened his mouth to make a quirky response. “Yes, I know we’re in a private residence,” Kermit said, stopping Gonzo before he could retort.

    Gonzo frowned. “Well, alright then,” he said.

    “Hey, hey, mister the Frog!” Lew said. “Why can’t Beaker and I hear it?”

    Kermit’s face twisted up as he tried to figure out how to gently answer the question. The truth was, he could tell Beaker about the new movie. It’s not like he could spill the news to anyone. But Lew on the other hand…

    “Erm…” Kermit said. “It’s a groomsmen secret discussion.”

    Grover gasped happily (yes, Grover can do that). “Oh, froggy baby, that means that cute, furry, little me gets to hear it too!” he said.

    Kermit couldn’t react to Grover now; it would blow his cover with Lew. “Yeah, alright Grover,” he said finally.

    Lew sighed and he and Beaker shuffled off to another part of the theater, leaving Kermit, Grover, and Gonzo alone backstage.

    “Come on,” Kermit said, “we’re probably not alone back here.”

    The three of them made their way to the door for the guest star’s dressing room. Kermit pulled a key out of nowhere (literally, no pockets) and unlocked it. The monster and the whatever found seats on the couch in the room and Kermit closed the door. The frog found himself a seat in a random chair and sat facing his two friends.

    “Guys, what I’m about to tell you… you can’t tell anyone,” Kermit said sternly and seriously.

    Gonzo’s eyes opened extremely wide. “Kermit, are—are you pregnant?” Gonzo asked wildly.

    Kermit dropped right out of his chair. “Gonzo!” Kermit yelled.

    Grover tilted his head to the side. “I, Grover, can quite frankly say that I am confused,” he said.

    Kermit tried to climb back onto his chair, but slipped, still in shock and awe. “Gonzo, are you aware that—”

    “Well I thought it was different with frogs!” Gonzo said, trying to defend himself.

    “I don’t know where you took biology class—” Kermit said, finally climbing back into his chair.

    “Neither do I,” Gonzo said.

    Kermit took a deep breath. “Well, you’re wrong,” the frog said. “Forget that happened,” Kermit told Grover.

    “Well you did tell me not to tell anyone, froggy baby,” Grover said innocently.

    “Well if that’s not it,” Gonzo said, “then what did you want to tell us?”

    Kermit, having regained his composure, smiled giddily. “Well, Gonzo, we’re gonna have a new movie!” Kermit said happily.

    “Oh, great!” Gonzo said with a smile. “Which classic literary work are we going to exploit next?” he asked.

    “Do not do Alice in Wonderland,” Grover said. “We already are.”

    “Actually guys,” Kermit said, “we’re gonna be playing ourselves. I’ll be me, and Gonzo, you’ll be you! And the writers actually want you to be you!”

    “Wow!” Gonzo said happily. “So I don’t get any metal seared onto my body?”

    “I’m afraid not,” Kermit said.

    “Darn,” Gonzo said, defeated. “Well, what network is airing the movie?”

    “Well, that’s the other thing…” Kermit said.

    “Oh no,” Gonzo groaned. “Direct to DVD? Kermit, I thought we were past that!”

    “Do not knock direct to DVD releases,” Grover said defensively.

    “No, no!” Kermit said. “Gonzo, it’s going to be a theatrical release!”

    Gonzo’s eyes grew wide again. “In theaters?” he asked.

    Kermit did a double take. “Well, yes,” he said.

    “And not just for the premier?” Gonzo asked.

    “No Gonzo, it’s an actual movie movie!” Kermit said, almost jumping out of his chair.

    Gonzo jumped up and laughed wildly. “Kermit, that’s great,” he said. “My nose looks fantastic on the big screen!”

    Kermit laughed. “Well, actually Gonzo, we were thinking about making your nose CGI—you know, to shrink it down so we have room for the rest of us on screen,” he said.

    “No, no,” Gonzo said frantically. “Let me have it surgically removed—it’s much more painful!”

    Kermit and Gonzo laughed together then ran to give each other a hug. “It’s really happening?” Gonzo asked.

    Kermit looked Gonzo right in the eyes. “It’s really happening,” Kermit said—and with that tone, there was no doubt anymore.

    Grover jumped up from the couch and hugged the both of them. “Oh, this is so happy!” he said.

    “One more question,” Gonzo said. The three of them took a step back from each other.

    “What’s that?” Kermit asked.

    “Why aren’t you telling everyone else?” Gonzo asked wildly, smacking Kermit’s upper arm. “Everyone needs to know this!”

    Kermit rubbed his arm and smirked. “Miss Piggy,” he said blankly.

    “Does she not like movies either?” Grover asked.

    “Not exactly,” Kermit said. “Sit back down, I’ll tell you.”
  4. AnimatedC9000

    AnimatedC9000 Well-Known Member

    *gasps with delight* He updated it! Oh, hallelujah! *random fireworks go off*

    So far, this whole story has been wonderful. Everyone's in character, the dialouge is funny when it's supposed to be, the fact that reality has something in this is terrific, I'm gonna stop before I keep myself up half the night...

    You know, a thought just crossed my mind. Why do most newlyweds get toasters (or things along the lines of that) as wedding presents?
  5. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    It's probably because most people don't get to make a toast at the reception. :zany:
  6. AnimatedC9000

    AnimatedC9000 Well-Known Member

    *hums Fozzie's comedy music* Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan... Prawn! XD
  7. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Ahhh! Thank you, thank you! Wocka! Wocka! I'm here till Thursday!
  8. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yeah... Either that, or there's noone who can tell them how to get to Sesame Street to find their local Fix-It-Shop.

    *Fires off a salute in honor of the update and the realism and the crossover references and everything! More please!
  9. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member


    ooh, I am totally intrigued. Loved the exchange between Piggy and the adults from the the street and I am sooo excited to find out why Kermit does not want to tell Piggy about the movie!

    Keep up the great work! Post more soon!

  10. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Squee! Oh the things in this chapter! First off, Slanderous Junk Weekly - nice tribute to our buddy Vic Romano! I love that! And then Piggy telling them that they're off the Street so they don't have to always teach. And Kermit's conversation with the guys and getting excited about the movie! Love it! Also loved the politics conversation and Beaker's "me me m'obama", nice sneaky little plug there Prawnie and I love it.

  11. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    <Shifty eyes>

    Pssst. Hey, you!



    I got a nice tip for ya, right here. It'll cost ya just a nickel. It's a really good one, too! Here, I'll show ya. <Pulls out crinkled piece of paper> It says here, d'at you can find out why Kermit don't want Piggy to know about da movie... on page t'ree of da thread, in chapter five. ...Ah, and now you owe me a nickel. <Holds out open palm> Pay up.
  12. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *hands Lisa a pickle* Ahhh! You're in a predicament now! ...is that the right word? Predicament? ... *shrug*
  13. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    ...<Inspects pickle>

    ...At least it's not a tomato. Now if only I was a pickle fan...
  14. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    You think you're glad it's a tomato? I'm the one making the bad jokes! ...Or is that what you were implying?
  15. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member


    ...No, not what I was implying. I don't think.

    ...What do I do with a pickle?
  16. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    You could... fill the cu-Cumberland gap?
  17. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    ...I... could?

    ...What the hey is...

    ...<shakes head>
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hmmm... Sounds like Toga's in a real dill-ema.

    Then again, it's not easy bein' green.
    Cause green can be sour like a pickle.
    Or mean like an alligator.
    Or stinky like a swamp.

    Yeah, so I'm quoting Oscar's version of the song. Figured this ting needed a bit of trashing upafter that trashy SJW was mentioned in the last chapter.
    Now scram! And don't come back till ya got an update!
    *Slams lid. :grouchy:
  19. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    *Tosses wooden nickel to TogetherAgain*

    Thanks for the tip. I remember reading that, but I also think there is another reason behind him not wanting to tell her that will be revealed later. Having her mind clear for the wedding is good, but I think Kermit's mind is cleverly coming up with something else that requires him to keep Piggy out of the know.

    Please post more soon!
  20. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 9

    It had been unanimously decided that everyone, from Sesame Street and the swamp, would meet at the Boarding House for dinner every night and then those who happened to also be Muppets would carpool back to the theater.

    Scooter was relieved to return to the Boarding House; maybe here he could find a way to escape the relentless desire of Prairie Dawn wanting to help him in every task he underwent.

    Scooter walked into the Boarding House quickly, trying to ditch Prairie as they unloaded the bus. He speed-walked through the living room and caught the attention of Bean Bunny, who had arrived on the earlier carpool.

    “Oh, hi there Scooter!” Bean said with a smile to the go-fer. “You look like you’re in a hurry, what’s up?”

    Scooter didn’t stop walking as he answered the rabbit. “No time to stop and explain, Bean, so follow me,” he said.

    Bean shrugged and hopped along behind the Scooter, who was still moving at an alarming pace. Scooter made his way into the kitchen and looked around in all directions for pulling open a door beneath the staircase. On the door, there was a small sign that read, “Wipe your feet, please! You may have stepped on a shrunken Beaker on your way to Muppet Labs, and we’d like to collect him if you did!”

    Scooter didn’t stop to wipe his feet as he quickly descended the stairs into Muppet Labs. “Close the door behind you, Bean!” Scooter called up to the rabbit racing to catch up with him.

    Bean did as he was told and continued to follow Scooter into the basement. When they both reached the bottom and entered the main lab area, Bean confronted Scooter again. “Scooter, what are you in such a hurry to hide from?” Bean asked.

    “Prairie Dawn,” Scooter said blankly. “She’s been following me around all day trying to help me go-fer coffee and go-fer sandwiches—it’s driving me nuts!”

    “Oh, on the contrary, mister Scooter,” Dr. Bunsen Honeydew said, appearing from behind his work desk, and scaring the boy and his bunny. “Our psychological examinations have proven that you, and everyone else, is already crazy for living in this house!”

    “Munmoubtedly,” Beaker chimed in, popping up from underneath the a large, hardly inconspicuous tarp in the back of the lab.

    “Aww,” Bean cooed. “Well I think it’s cute, Scooter.”

    “Then you deal with her,” Scooter said. He turned his spectacled attention to the tarp and inquired to Bunsen about the contents being hidden underneath it. “What’s underneath the tarp?” he inquired (like I said).

    “Oh, that?” Bunsen asked nervously. “Why, it’s nothing—nothing at all, mister Scooter, just—just my lunch!”

    Scooter snuck a glance at an upside down clock on a wall (another failed [or, in Bunsen’s lack-of-eyes, successful] endeavor of Muppet Labs). “It’s seven pm,” Scooter said suspiciously.

    Bunsen fiddled with his glasses nervously. “Erm, I’m going by British lunchtime,” he said.

    “Mee mo, mee time!” Beaker said, pulling out a teacup.

    “Ooh, do you have any crumpets?” Bean asked excitedly.

    Scooter smirked. “Oh, I see now,” he said, nodding. “So you’re going to eat lunch at three in the morning, like most Brits?”

    Bunsen scratched his bald honeydew melon shaded (and shaped) head. “Is that what time they eat lunch?” he asked.

    “Ah ha!” Scooter declared. Beaker jumped in shock, causing his head to retreat inside of his lab coat. “Give it up, Honeydew, we’ve cornered you with logic,” the go-fer said, pointing an accusing finger in the direction of the bumbling scientist.

    Bunsen whimpered. “Oh, please mister Scooter, mercy! We beg of you! Don’t tell mister Kermit that we’re hiding something, please!” Bunsen begged.

    Scooter frowned, well now he felt like a jerk. “I’m sorry Bunsen,” he said, pulling Dr. Honeydew back to his feet. “I was just kidding, of course I won’t tell. But you might want to find a better hiding place for whatever it is—just in case Kermit comes down here.”

    “What is it, anyway?” Bean asked, edging closer and closer to the tarp of mystery.

    “I would recommend that you refrain from touching it,” Bunsen said quickly, gliding over towards the hidden machine. “I will, however, tell you, since you’re being so merciful. Come now, Beaker, the tarp.”

    Scooter and Bean looked at each other and shrugged in unison. The two of them stood behind the desk and watched as Beaker pulled the tarp off of what looked like, in essence, a gigantic hamster wheel with an electric generator attached to it. (Oh, and the tarp fell on Beaker for comic relief.)

    Scooter scratched his head. “You’re not going to clone a giant, mutant hamster, are you?” he asked Bunsen worriedly.

    Bunsen chuckled. “Of course not,” Bunsen said. “That would be too normal for our taste—and besides; it would make a quite awful wedding present for mister Kermit and Miss Piggy.”

    “So you’re giving this machine to Kermit and Miss Piggy as a wedding gift?” Scooter asked.

    “I don’t think you could get Miss Piggy to exercise on that thing if you paid her,” Bean said.

    “I think it depends on how much you paid her,” Scooter said with a laugh.

    Bunsen giggled. “No, no, we’re not giving them the machine, we’re giving them what comes out of the machine!” he said.

    Scooter leaned down towards Bean’s ear. “I bet it’s a toaster,” he whispered.

    “And contrary to what you might think, this is not the Muppet Labs Toaster Generator,” Bunsen said. “We had to axe that project.”

    “Mee mo mee!” Beaker yelped.

    “Indeed, literally, it went on quite a rampage,” Bunsen said solemnly. “But what comes out of this machine, could, in essence, generate a toaster if it felt like it!”

    “Felt like it?” Scooter asked. “This machine creates a living, thinking, feeling… thing?”

    “Precisely! A fully-fledged creation with its own thought process,” Bunsen said, making it sound spectacular. “It was quite a nuisance last time we created it, but I think this time we’ve worked out all the kinks.”

    “Last time?” Scooter asked.

    “Kinks?” Bean asked. “That’s a cute word.”

    “Why, yes, we’ve tried this very same experiment before, you see,” Bunsen said. “In fact, Bean Bunny, you should remember the last time we tried this!”

    Bean blinked. “Me? Really? Why me?” he asked.

    “Me mo mow moo meel,” Beaker mumbled.

    “Because last time this creation came to life,” Bunsen said, “it nearly caused you to run away—forever!”

    Scooter gasped as Bean’s eyes widened with excitement. “You mean… it’s Waldo?” Bean asked. “You found Waldo?”

    “More or less,” Bunsen said. “You see, Beaker and I set out on an expedition to Walt Disney World about a year ago with our sights set on recovering our missing creation. We disguised ourselves by creating our Muppet Mobile Lab and roaming the park. But by the time we recovered our friend Waldo he had been through Space Mountain one too many times and was not really feeling like himself.”

    “Oh no,” Bean said, “but you think you fixed him?”

    “Oh, yes,” Bunsen said. “And may I say, I think we’ve done a bang-up job.”

    Scooter ducked habitually at the words “bang-up.” He realized nothing was going to explode and recovered himself. “Who is this Waldo guy anyway?” Scooter asked.

    “He was part of our 3D movie,” Bean said cheerfully. “Don’t’cha remember? You were there, Scooter.”

    “Sort of,” Scooter said. “I wasn’t all-there back then.”

    “Well you’ve at least gotta remember Waldo,” Bean said. “He stole the show!”

    “If we hadn’t sucked him up with the VacuuMuppet,” Bunsen interjected, “he probably actually would have stolen the show.”

    “Mee mo crazy!” Beaker blurted out.

    “Well, statistically, yes,” Bunsen said. “But I am also statistically crazy, Beaker. Now what does this tell you about statistics?”

    Beaker gulped and had to use his hands to force himself not to shout anything out at his employer.

    “So, wait, let me get this straight,” Scooter said. “You’re giving Kermit and Piggy… Waldo for their wedding gift?”

    “Exactly!” Bunsen said happily.

    Scooter sighed. “I suppose I have to ask why.”

    “Fireworks, of course!” Bunsen said.

    “I think they’ve already had enough sparks between them,” Scooter said.

    Bunsen chuckled at Scooter again. “No, Waldo will turn into the fireworks after mister Kermit and Miss Piggy have been wed!”

    Bean gasped. “You’re gonna blow Waldo up?” the astonished bunny asked.

    “Yes. It was Beaker’s idea, actually,” Bunsen said.

    Beaker’s mouth fell open in awe of Bunsen’s acknowledgement of his idea, and then he nodded slowly.

    “And that is why Beaker will run the wheel to operate the machine,” Bunsen said.

    Beaker continued nodding, and then stopped suddenly. He sighed heavily and then nodded again.

    “You’re gonna run it right now?” Bean asked.

    “Well of course, now that we have a captive audience we might as well do a test run,” Bunsen said.

    Scooter pulled up a chair. At least he had something to do while he was avoiding Prairie Dawn.

    Bean sat down on the floor with his legs crossed and waited for the show to start. Beaker moved, his entire body shaking, to the over-size hamster wheel and took his place. He bent down and tied his shoe, and then nodded to Bunsen.

    Dr. Honeydew moved over to the generator connected to the wheel and started turning a smaller wheel on the side and flipped a myriad of switches. The hamster wheel began to turn slowly and Beaker began to run. The wheel slowly picked up speed and so did the Beaker. “You’re doing great, Beakie!” Bunsen called to his assistant as he monitored the generator while flipping the necessary switches and pushing the proper buttons.

    Electricity started to generate above the wheel and connected to a wire, powering the generator. Cogs began to whirl inside of it and the wheel was, by now, moving faster than Beaker could keep up with. The hapless (and helpless) assistant tripped over his own two feet and was now being carried around and around and around and… you get the idea.

    Suddenly, lights on the machine started to turn on. Yellow, green, red, blue—they all illuminated the dimly lit basement. Even more suddenly, a giant open-ended pipe extended slowly out of the top of the generator.

    Scooter was now on the edge of the chair he’d pulled up.

    Lighting started swirling around the new pipe and a glowing aura began emitting from it.

    Bean was shaking excitedly, nearly jumping up to the ceiling.

    The aura coming from the pipe suddenly grew larger and much brighter. It shot up to the ceiling and bounced off of it, flooding the room with a blinding light.

    Scooter and Bean shielded their eyes as the light exploded into the basement. Silently, Bean wondered if this would affect his cute, little bunny tan.

    As the light slowly settled, Scooter moved his hand back down to his side. He looked forward when he could see again, and what he could see was not at all as spectacular as he would’ve expected.

    It was a tiny—tiny blue… thing. The creature looked like a cross between a boat and a clown. It had a bouncy red top hat and a rather long red nose. The blue thing grinned a huge toothy grin at Scooter. “Hi there,” it said in an overly perky overtone. “I’m Waldo. Waldo C. Graphic. The spirit of 3D!” The little 3D bug thing laughed and then proceeded to fly manically around the room.

    Bunsen laughed giddily and jumped up and down. “It worked, Beakie, it actually worked!” he said.

    Beaker didn’t honestly care, however, considering he was still spinning around in the wheel, wishing he hadn’t eaten those hot wings for lunch (the real lunch, not the British lunch at three am).

    “Waldo!” Bean shouted gleefully. “Welcome back, pal!”

    Waldo zipped over to Bean and gasped. “Bean! My little bunny buddy!” he said. “If I had arms, I’d give ya a hug! Since, I don’t, I’ll just give you a hand!”

    The little blue creature spun around at lighting-fast speed and had suddenly morphed into a hand. With fingers (and a thumb). “Gimme five, pal!” the hand said to Bean.

    Bean laughed and whipped his hand out to smack Waldo’s.

    Scooter’s mouth was completely open. If there was a fly in the basement, it would’ve certainly flown into it. (However, the only fly in the basement was completely blinded by the light of Waldo’s emergence.)

    “Take a picture, four-eyes, it’ll last longer,” Waldo said. He then morphed instantly into a camera and flashed a picture of Scooter.

    “I… I think it’s dinner time,” Scooter said after a second.

    “Ooh, dinner?” Waldo asked. “Great, I’m starved!”

    “Oh, I don’t think so, Waldo,” Bunsen said. “You have to be kept a surprise for mister Kermit.”

    “What?” Waldo asked, appalled. “That’s boring! C’mon Honeydew, let me fly free! I’m a caged bird!” Upon saying that, Waldo transformed into a canary in a cage.

    “Yes, well, I’ve heard that caged birds have lovely singing voices,” Bunsen said. “I do wonder why, though…”

    Beaker recovered from his whirling experience and was now approaching Waldo with a plastic hamster ball.

    “What is it with that guy and hamsters?” Waldo asked, darting around the basement.

    Scooter stood up from his chair and shook his head. “Well, good luck guys,” he said. “I’m going to eat dinner.”

    Scooter jogged up the stairs like kids tend to do and opened the door at the top.

    “Scooter—no!” Bunsen shouted.

    Waldo zipped right out the crack in the door. “Suckers!” he called back as he zoomed off through the rest of the Muppet Boarding House.

    Scooter sighed as Bean ran up, laughing, to chase after Waldo. “It’s gonna be a long, long four months,” the go-fer said.


    Kermit smiled as he climbed the stairs with a plate of food in his hand. He listened with joy as his friends and family from all walks of life (and all species) intermingled at the dinner table. He was extremely glad, for the first time since they’ve been there, that they were here. It was much easier to slip away from an extremely crowded dinner table than it was from the normally only very crowded dinner table.

    Kermit slipped into his bedroom quietly and sat in front of his desk, putting his plate to the side. He cracked his knuckles and opened his lime green laptop. He turned the computer on and opened up his Word Processor.

    The frog’s spindly green fingers flipped down on the keys wildly as the titled his new project and put his name on the top. It looked something like this:

    Written by Kermit the Frog and
    Jason Segel
    Directed by Kermit the Frog and
    Nick Stoller
    Kermit stared at the computer screen.

    He reached over and took a drink out of his glass of water.

    He stared at the computer screen.

    He reached over to his plate and took a bite of a French fry.

    He stared at the computer screen.

    “This is gonna take longer than I thought,” Kermit said with a sigh.

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