Muppet Fan-Fiction: Weddings Are Disastrous

[Muppetfan44]

Nice

Great Chapter! I love Bo's appearance with the company car; one of the better moments from MFS. I'm very intrigued as to why Kermit doesn't want to tell Piggy about the movie, very nice set-up! I wonder how long it will be until someone spills the beans about the movie. Loving the story!

Great Job, keep up the good work, post more please!

 

[redBoobergurl]

Another fine installment my friend! Love the phone call with Fozzie. Very nice indeed. Anxiously awaiting the mayhem that is sure to follow!

 

[AnimatedC9000]

Prawnie, you have a wonderful story here.

However, I think most of us are wondering when you plan to update this again. We'll all be waiting patiently. *to the guys with torches and pitchforks* Isn't that right, gentlemen?

Guys: *grumble and toss in their weapons*

That's better. You all get cookies and ice cream later, after Prawnie updates his fic.

~AnimatedC

 

[The Count]

...
Muppaguy #25: Yey! Cookies!
Muppaguy #86: Ice cream.
Muppaguy #32: Can't we have just a little torchery?
Muppaguy #18: Yeah, how long do we have to wait?
Muppaguy #6: Until the update.
*Looks at Caitlyn: There will be an update right?

Me: Hmm, I wonder how the chest of drawers will work in the addition of Ms. Joli and Mama Prawn into this story.

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Prawnie atleast managed to finish one sentence...XD
*Don't ask*

 

[theprawncracker]

Haha, yes, Squeekz is right, I do have one sentence of the next chapter finished... I dunno when you guys can expect more, perhaps tomorrow. But tonight I've gotta play catch up after missing two days of summer government class. Test AND a quiz tomorrow! Wish me luck!

 

[Muppetfan44]

Good Luck

Good Luck on your tests and quizzes! Post when you can, this is shaping up to be a very fine story!

~Arianne~

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 6

Scooter was frantically running about the Muppet Theater trying to find seats for every frog, dog, rat, bear, chicken, penguin, bird (other than penguins and chickens, which petitioned to become sub-groups of birds; referred to as their own respective groups), monster, pig, musician, Ernie, Bert, whatever, and everything else within the Muppet Theater that afternoon.

Kermit sat on the edge of the stage with his spindly legs dangling into the band pit. He stared out into the audience made up entirely of his friends—filling up nearly the entire lower seating area of the theater. (And of course, Statler and Waldorf were eagerly waiting to hear the speech from their balcony on the wall directly left of the stage.)

Statler nudged Waldorf out of his snoring slumber. “Wake up you old fool, they’re about to start,” Statler said.

Waldorf slowly lifted his head up and yawned. “Eh, a meeting?” he said groggily. “This oughta be good.”

Kermit cleared his throat. “Excuse me everyone,” he said into the crowd.

The Muppets adorning the seats of the first few rows gave their attention to the frog in chief—unfortunately, there were a lot more than a few rows to garner attention from, and those rows remaining continued chatting amongst themselves. (The Muppets in the rows, rather, not the actual rows—but would you put it past them?)

“Excuse me,” Kermit said louder. “Everyone?”

Directly below Kermit, in the band pit, was the band (go figure) where Nigel, the conductor of The Muppet Show orchestra, tried rapping his baton on his music stand, but to no avail. Floyd snickered to himself, Dr. Teeth shook his head, and Animal blinked.

“Hey, guys, c’mon now!” Kermit said, becoming a wee bit frustrated with his unexpected guests.

Grover’s attention was now directly upon his friend the frog (not that it wasn’t before, his furry, blue mommy always told him to pay attention to people on stages trying to speak to you), he looked around at the still chattering rows of Muppets and people. Being the su-per helpful monster he is, he cleared his throat and stood up in his chair.

Animal, seeing an opportunity, had eaten through his restraining chain and had climbed up next to Kermit on stage.

“QUI-ET!” both Muppets shouted loudly, silencing everyone.

“Oh, excuse me,” Grover said to Animal. “I did not mean to steal your thunder.”

“On the contrary,” said The Count. “It is my thunder you would have to steal! Ah ah ah!”

“I beg to differ, man,” Floyd said from the band pit. “Ya haven’t heard Animal when he gets goin’ on a drum solo after a double latte.”

“Star-bucks,” Animal mumbled, his eyes closed.

Kermit patted Animal on his back and smiled. “Seat, Animal,” he said.

“Beat?” Animal asked eagerly, his eyes shooting open.

“No, no,” Kermit said quickly. “Seat.”

“Eat?” called out Cookie Monster fervently.

“Seat!” shouted the whole theater back at the ravaging monster.

“Eat seat?” Cookie Monster asked happily. “Cowabunga!” he shouted as he ripped off another seat cushion and began to devour it.

Kermit frowned forcefully. “Can we just get down to business?” he asked, annoyed.

“There’s no business like show business,” Clifford said sarcastically.

“We’re not getting anywhere,” Scooter muttered.

“There’s no business like slow business?” Gonzo asked.

“What?” Beauregard asked.

“I rest my case,” Gonzo said.

“Are we in the lawyer business now?” Fozzie asked.

“Ooh, I hope so,” Rizzo said. “It’s my callin’, heh heh.”

Elmo looked around the theater and looked up at Gordon. “Gordon, Elmo doesn’t understand any of this,” the innocent red monster said.

“You will when you’re older, Elmo,” Gordon said, patting Elmo’s back.

“Maybe,” Maria added.

“Can we please focus, here?” Kermit asked desperately.

“Moi am focused, Kermie,” Miss Piggy said serenely from the front row, center seat. “On none other than vous of course.”

“Me too, Kermit!” Fozzie said helpfully. (Sort of.)

Kermit scrunched up his face. “Thanks Fozzie,” he said.

“I’ve been saying Sesame Street’s been having trouble trying to find its focus for years,” Rowlf mused.

“I beg to differ,” Gonzo said, motioning towards Elmo.

Oscar the Grouch, who had found a nice trash can in a corner to call a vacation home, poked his head out. “Ya know, normally I hate meetings, but this is just chaos—I love it!” he laughed.

“Welcome to our world,” Waldorf called down from the balcony.

“We still hate it though,” Statler chimed in.

“This is nuts,” Maria said.

“Enough from the peanut gallery!” Kermit shouted finally.

“Apparently we’re nuts,” Luis said.

“Not you too,” Maria sighed.

“Kermin always said we will work for de peanuts, hokay,” Pepe said.

“Best tastin’ peanuts around,” Rizzo added.

“Speaking of which,” Croaker said. “Maggie, didja bring the peanut butter coated grasshoppers?”

Kermit groaned loudly and decided to let himself just fall back on the stage, looking up at the ceiling. He silently wondered how long it would take them to notice.

“Frog down!” someone shouted, it sounded like Floyd, but Kermit couldn’t see who it was since he was looking at the ceiling (duh).

“Someone call an ambulance! Quick! 911! Get the fire department too—just in case!” That had to be Telly.

“Let’s poke him.” Definitely Gonzo.

“And get de warts? No way!” Pepe.

“I’m sure Beaker would poke him for us.” Does it even need to be said?

“Mee mo meep!” Obviously Orlando Bloom in his pivotal cameo appearance.

“Kermit, are you okay?”

Kermit sat up—he knew that voice very well. He smiled at Big Bird sitting in the back row (it was his choice, so he wouldn’t block anyone’s view). “Yeah, I’m fine Big Bird,” he said sweetly.

The entire theater fell silent again to let Big Bird respond.

“Oh good,” Big Bird said happily. “Say… didn’t you have something you wanted to talk to us about?”

Kermit grinned. “Well, now that you mention it… we do need to figure out where everyone’s going to be staying for the—” Kermit gulped. “Four months you’re here with us.”

“I call top bunk!” Ernie declared.

Bert sighed. “As always,” he said.

“Obviously, since you’re our guests, you should be allowed to stay in our home,” Kermit continued. “Unfortunately… we’re running on no vacancy—”

“And one bathroom,” Miss Piggy added.

“Who needs a bathroom?” Aunt Marge asked. “The swamp is my shower, sink, blow dryer, and especially my t—”

“Her terra firma!” Kermit interjected quickly. “Au natural land!”

Croaker had turned from blue to green (not literally, sheesh). “I think I’m movin’ in with you, Kerm,” he said.

“But Kermit just said there’s no room in his house,” Zoe said.

“He’s right,” Clifford said. “We’re like sardines in there.”

“What’s wrong with sardines?” Lew Zealand asked.

“Yeah,” Oscar whined, “what’s wrong with sardines?”

“Why am I here?” Sam Eagle asked.

“For the halibut?” Fozzie asked.

“I do not get it,” Grover said.

“Good,” Bob said nervously.

“So anyway,” Kermit said forcefully. “I don’t think we can afford to put you all up in a hotel for four months either, not with the wedding, ticket sales for the show are pretty low, and all in all we’re broke—like always.”

“Kermit,” Gordon spoke up, “we’re really sorry for the misunderstanding, and quite frankly we all just feel awful about putting you out of your way like this. I think we’ve all decided just to take the next plane home tomorrow.”

The adults of Sesame Street chimed in their agreements. “We don’t want to set you off anymore than you obviously already are,” Bob said.

Kermit’s mom started to stand up, but his dad put a hand on her shoulder, and stood up himself, leaning on his cane. He was standing in the front row, on the far right end of the seats. “Son,” he said, instilling a calming air about the theater, “we apologize too. We must’ve read your letter wrong. We’ve already sent your cousin Bart to the train station to pick us up tickets for the morning train back to the swamp.”

“I will absolutely not have it!”

All eyes turned, not to Kermit, but Miss Piggy, who stood stalwart in the front middle of the theater.

Kermit was the first to break the silence. “I beg your pardon?” he asked.

“Quiet frog, this is my scene,” Piggy said. “Vous Gordon, Bob, everybody, are family—and vous Dad the Frog, are even more family.”

Dad the Frog smiled earnestly. “Well, in all fairness, we did bring more with us,” he said with a chuckle.

“What moi am suggesting,” Piggy continued, “is that all of the adults who desire a warm, real bed stay at the Boarding House, while we Muppets make quaint little homes here at the theater.”

Kermit opened his mouth to make a snide remark about Piggy never being able to leave the vanity in her bedroom, but decided he liked this spark of whatever it was Piggy was sparking, and let her continue.

“After all,” Miss Piggy said, “we’ve slept in lockers before!”

“And cement mixers!” Gonzo added.

“Coat hang-ers!” Animal said.

Aunt Marge stood up swiftly and glared down at Piggy. “Well, what about us, eh? What about the frogs in the audience? Where will we stay? It’s not like you can just bring us the natural aromas of the swamp willy-nilly!” she said.

“Perhaps the asylum has a free room?” Piggy responded with a sweet voice, yet an overly sarcastic tone.

“Nope,” Gonzo said.

“Trust me, we’ve looked,” Rizzo said.

“We’ll be happy to stay here at the theater, Miss Piggy,” Goggles spoke up nervously (not that he wasn’t always nervous). “It’s very… homey.”

“Word,” Clifford said.

“Not funny,” Skeeter said, nudging her dreadlocked boyfriend playfully.

“Should I start assigning people seats—er, I mean, beds?” Scooter asked Kermit.

Kermit looked around at all of his friends and family gathered in the theater. “Well… is everyone alright with these arrangements?” he asked.

“We should vote on it,” Sam Eagle declared. “It is the American way!”

“You’re so cute when you’re patriotic,” Aunt Marge whispered to the eagle.

Sam’s eyes grew larger than they ever had before and his faced turned blank as he sunk down into his seat.

“Any other formal motions?” Kermit asked sarcastically.

“Elmo doesn’t know what that means,” Elmo said, “but Elmo is just happy to be here at green frog’s theater—Elmo doesn’t care where he sleeps!”

“I know a lovely dumpster you could share with Bean Bunny,” Gonzo said.

“Don’t bother,” Oscar said, “I’ve been trying that for years.”

“It’s unanimous then,” Kermit said.

“Elmo got the only vote,” Fozzie whispered to Clifford.

“Are ya surprised?” Clifford asked.

“Scooter, start arranging sleeping arrangements,” Kermit said. “Maybe Prairie Dawn could help you.”

Scooter tilted his head. “What’s that chief?” he asked.

“Well Prairie always has enjoyed… organizing, for lack of a nicer word,” Kermit said. “I think maybe she’d like to help, whadaya say, Prairie?”

Prairie stood up happily. “Oh, Kermit, I would love to! It’s my calling!” she said.

Scooter muttered as he went off to join Prairie. “Heh heh,” Clifford laughed as Scooter passed. “Looks like somebody’s got an understudy.”

Kermit smirked. “Alright, well I guess that’s about it—oh, one more thing… let’s put a moratorium on seat cushion eating, alright?” he asked.

Cookie Monster stared up at Kermit with his googly eyes, still nibbling slightly on a cushion. “Wha’?” the monster asked.

“Just stop eating the seat cushions!” Kermit shouted, quickly losing it, flailing his arms at his side.

Cookie Monster jumped, tossing the seat cushion out of his hands.

​

Dr. Honeydew and Beaker came running on stage suddenly, signaling an unofficial end to the meeting. “Mister Kermit sir, Mister Kermit!” Bunsen said gleefully as he ran up to the frog.

Kermit sighed heavily. “Does this have to be now Dr. Honeydew? I’m trying to figure out where to come up with money for new seat cushions before the next show.”

“That’s precisely it, Kermit,” Bunsen said happily. “Beaker and I have come up with a way to make some extra money by maximizing attendance at the shows.”

“Oh, really!” Kermit said, switching tones. “Please, do go on—but if it involves radiation or cloning, I don’t want any part of it.”

“Of course, sir,” Bunsen said. “Beaker and I were thinking that if we included our friends from Sesame Street in our shows, we could bill them as special guest stars—surely people would come to see that!”

Kermit did a double take. “Dr. Honeydew, are you feeling alright?” Kermit asked.

“Faultless, Mister Kermit sir!” Bunsen said. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just—well, that’s possibly the greatest idea you’ve ever had!” Kermit said happily.

Bunsen gasped. “Really Mister Kermit, you mean that?” he asked.

“I really do, actually,” Kermit said. “I’ll talk to Scooter about working them into this week’s show first thing in the morning!”

Bunsen laughed giddily. “Oh, thank you Mister Kermit, I do hope this works out for you!” he said.

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” Kermit said, “I have some company to mingle with.” The frog hopped off the stage and grabbed Miss Piggy’s hand, leading her around the theater.

“Mey! Mee mo me mo meema!” Beaker squeaked angrily.

“Hush now, Beaker, I know it was your idea,” Bunsen chided his assistant. “But you have to take sacrifices in the realm of science—you sacrificed your voice.”

“Me moo?”

“Me?” Bunsen asked. He chuckled. “Why, silly Beaker, I’ve sacrificed you!”

 

[AnimatedC9000]

*laughs long and hard* I'm not done yet. *laughs until she calms down* ... now I am.

First of all, thank you for giving us a funny new chapter to enjoy, Prawnie. I, for one, certainly enjoyed it.

I loved the character interactions in this chapter. Especially those with the same performer (Grover & Animal ["QUIET!"], Grover & Fozzie ["for the halibut"], Clifford & Elmo [Cliff's comment on Elmo getting the only vote], some Jerry Nelson character ["Frog down!"], Animal & Cookie [beat, seat, eat]).

I also like the fact that Prarie's helping Scooter out. Maybe a little friendly compitition that'll turn into a crush (in Prarie's POV)?

The whole Kermit reconizing voices part. Orlando Bloom. 'Nuf said.

Bunsen having a good idea for once? ... wow. ... EVERYBODY RUN! LOL Kidding! XD

And, of course:

“Mey! Mee mo me mo meema!” Beaker squeaked angrily.

“Hush now, Beaker, I know it was your idea,” Bunsen chided his assistant. “But you have to take sacrifices in the realm of science—you sacrificed your voice.”

“Me moo?”

“Me?” Bunsen asked. He chuckled. “Why, silly Beaker, I’ve sacrificed you!”

XD What a way to end a chapter.

: Bravo! Bravo!
: Why are you yelling Bravo? Did you like it that much?
: No, a friend of mine, Joe Bravo - he's sitting in the third row...BRAVO! BRAVO!
Both: UP HERE!

 

[The Count]

Yep... That pretty much covers it. No wait, it doesn't.
More please!
*Glomp. *Skulks away.