1. Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
    You are viewing our forum as a guest. Join our free community to post topics and start private conversations. Please contact us if you need help with registration or your account login.

  2. Sesame Street Season 45
    Sesame Street's 45th season officially begins Monday September 15. After you see the new episodes, post here and let us know your thoughts.

  3. "Muppets Most Wanted" Fan Reactions
    After you see "Muppets Most Wanted", read fan reactions and let us know your thoughts on the Muppets eighth theatrical film.

The 5ive Present: The Muppet's vs. Las Vegas

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Beauregard, Sep 26, 2005.

  1. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Agreed! <grabs a penguin and gets ready to throw>
  2. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    How primative of you Lisa, we're not cavemen, we've evolved past throwing, we have cannons... :zany:
  3. Whatever

    Whatever Active Member

    If it was good enough for Jim, it's good enough for us!
  4. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Ok...I'm gunna post more, but I don't have the time to give it the formatting treatment...so...Be happy!
  5. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    SAL
    Well I told you it was bad news but...

    ROWLF
    What do you mean? How could the frog be lying?

    SCOOTER
    Why do you think he's been lying?

    JOHNNY
    Well, I was out a few nights ago and I got to talking with my, um, contacts and they tells me that Kermit was framed because of what happened at the Rubber Chicken Factory, and I got that confirmed yesterday.

    SCOOTER
    What happened?

    SAL
    He was just trying to tell you but you keep inter...

    JOHNNY
    I am not sure what happened but when I asked Kermit what happened he denied even being there.

    DR TEETH
    So what makes you think he was mendacious?

    JOHNNY
    ... Mendacious?

    SAL whispers the meaning in JOHNNY's ear.

    JOHNNY
    Oh, uh, right. Right, I knew that. I did. Anyway, it was the look on his face. He told me he couldn’t say anything about it then he told me he was never there.

    SAL
    So the conclusion of the matter is he is a liar.

    RIZZO
    Wait a minute! You think because Kermit had a certain look in his eyes that he's lying??? The guy’s pupils are shaped like Saturn, for Pete’s sake! How do you get anything out of that???

    JOHNNY
    Ever hear of a horoscope? You can tell a lot from the planets and stars.

    ALL
    Oh.

    Bunsen and Beaker come through the door.

    BUNSEN
    I think that we may have just the thing.

    BEAKER
    Mee mee, mou.

    BUNSEN
    Exactly, Beaker. We heard you were having a little trouble and wish to show you out latest invention. An ultra 5,000m Muppet labs lie detector.

    Beaker wheels in a machine with lots of lights and wheels, leavers and things all over it.

    BUNSEN
    Here, you will see, is a little microphone. Beaker if you would.

    Beaker cranks a handle on the side.

    BUNSEN
    Now when someone says something in the microphone he machine will tell us if it is true or false. Now let’s see this nifty little gadget in action. Johnny would you try it please.

    JOHNNY
    (Leaning over and talking into the mike)
    Kermit the Frog was at the rubber chicken factory. True or False?

    The machine whirs and the wheels spin around, as does the handle Beaker wound up and had not let go of, causing Beaker to spin in circles around the machine. Then it explodes sending Beaker through the café window.

    BUNSEN
    Oh dear. You know what this means, don't you?

    DR TEETH
    More bills?

    BUNSEN
    No, it means the machine is malfunctioning. Now Beaker give me a hand. Bbbbbeaker.

    BEAKER
    (climbs woozily through window)
    Mee, mee, mee, mou, mou, mee.

    GONZO
    Well, there's only one way to find out! Come on, Rizzo! Let's go!

    GONZO grabs hold of RIZZO and runs off.

    CUT TO

    Scene 28

    INT. RUBBER CHICKEN FACTORY

    GONZO and RIZZO enter and look around. The factory is filled with chicken workers. They spot a ROOSTER.

    RIZZO
    Okay, now, Gonzo? You better let me do the talking here, alright? I think you've gotten us into enough trouble.

    GONZO
    Don't worry, Rizzo. I'll take care of it!

    RIZZO
    Oh, boy. I feel like I’ve swallowed a whole bunch of butterflies.

    GONZO
    No, actually it was ordinary flies. They landed on your sandwich and...Never mind.

    GONZO and RIZZO approach the ROOSTER.

    GONZO
    Er, I think you'd better do the talking.

    RIZZO
    You think?
    (beat)
    Excuse me, Mr. Rooster...

    GONZO spots CAMILLA and goes into a dream-like state and we see a lot of shots of GONZO and CAMILLA together through their life, rather like KERMIT and MISS PIGGY in Never Before.

    GONZO
    (singing)
    This was meant to beeeeeeee!
    Darling, you and meeeeeee!
    And if you'd care to seeeeeeeeeee!
    That these things are real!
    The way that I feel!
    All emotions raging!
    Going on... rampaging!
    Keeps me elevating
    Above a concrete flooooooooooooooor!
    The way you look at meeeeeeee!
    Makes me feel compleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeete!
    So, baby-

    GONZO’s attention is now drawn away by a passing chicken. At the sight of this, CAMILLA storms off, but another chicken enters and sits in where CAMILLA once was. GONZO turns back to ‘CAMILLA’ and continues his song, un-aware of the switch.

    GONZO
    (singing)
    And now, if you will dare to chance
    A great romance
    With meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
    I can feel compleeeeeeetely whole.
    That happens frequentlllllllllly!
    This was meant to beeeeeeeeee!
    So, I'd eat my legs, my nose, my face
    If you would give me one embrace.
    I've only got one life to live!
    I'll live it through and through and through in torment
    Just to be... with... Yoooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!
    So, now-

    RIZZO
    Hey, Gonzo. You’re driftin’ here.

    GONZO
    Oh, sorry.

    RIZZO
    Yeesh! So, Mr. Rooster, can you tell us, did a guy named Kermit come by here in recent weeks?

    ROOSTER
    Kermit? Hmmm. Let me think. Oh, yes! Kermit! Yes, he was here.

    RIZZO and GONZO look at each other shocked.

    CUT TO

    Scene 29

    INT-POLLYWOG CAFÉ

    JANICE, DR TEETH, ROWLF, FLOYD, LEW ZEALAND, GONZO, RIZZO, MISS PIGGY and THE SWEDISH CHEF are sat round a table at the POLLYWOG café.

    JANICE sighs.

    MISS PIGGY sighs.

    ROWLF sighs.

    DR TEETH sighs.

    GONZO sighs.

    RIZZO
    When you have quite finished can we get on with this scene?

    LEW ZEALAND sighs.

    LEW ZEALAND
    Oh sorry.

    CHEF
    Vot de Kermy?

    MISS PIGGY
    I tried. I tried to get him out but that stinky judge and the stinky jury got in moi’s way.

    DR TEETH
    What I can’t understand is how Kermit expected us to get him out and lied to us.

    ZOOT
    What, where, when?

    FLOYD
    No Zoot, go back to sleep, nobody’s landed.

    MISS PIGGY
    Why do you guys always say that?

    JANICE
    It’s a band thing.

    MISS PIGGY
    Oh.

    GONZO
    Kermit lied, but why would Kermit lie?

    ANIMAL stands up.

    FLOYD
    Down.

    Floyd says his line straight after Gonzo so it sounds like “Why would Kermit lie down?”

    LEW ZEALAND
    Maybe he was tired.

    CHEF
    Voot?

    RIZZO
    Sure he lied. He was in trouble. So he lied to save himself. Now we must choose are we still his friends? Votes.

    CHEF
    Wes, ve needs urs.

    FLOYD
    Yup, we don’t desert a friend in need.

    JANICE
    Fer sure.

    LEW ZEALAND
    But do we need a friend who lies?

    ROWLF
    Sure we have to save him from himself.

    BEAUREGARD
    Now that is too complicated for me.

    DR TEETH
    If only it was that uncomplicated, but you must keep in mind he is locked behind bars.

    GONZO
    But maybe we could get him out, if...

    RIZZO
    If he told us the truth we could sort out his problem.

    MISS PIGGY
    Did you guys see his eyes?

    EVERYONE
    What?

    MISS PIGGY
    Like small round ping-pong balls on a lake of green algae...

    GONZO
    (Ignoring her)
    So what do we do?

    MISS PIGGY
    ...so deep, so profound...

    JANICE
    We have to get him out into the open, fer sure, then we can get to the truth.

    MISS PIGGY
    ...and the way he looked at me from behind iron bars...

    FLOYD
    But how can we spring him without get us into the deep end.

    MISS PIGGY
    ...such truthful eyes...

    ROWLF
    And how can we trust him again? We would be putting our lives at risk to rescue someone who may deserve what he has got?

    MISS PIGGY
    ...eyes do not lie, and I saw that look...

    GONZO
    Still, he is a friend, and he is a Muppet.

    DR TEETH
    Wait, even if he did lie about the chickens, he has still been framed. Right?

    MISS PIGGY
    ...true love...

    RIZZO
    If we knew what happened at the factory we could maybe sort it out, we would at least have some idea of what way to go about it.

    MISS PIGGY
    (shouts)
    I have to save him. We have to save him.

    EVERYONE sighs and goes into silence for a beat.

    GONZO
    (As if making up his mind)
    That’s it! He didn’t lie.

    RIZZO
    What?

    GONZO
    He was being set up
    (beat)
    again.

    MISS PIGGY
    Set up?

    DR TEETH
    Would you please elucidate?

    GONZO
    Well if those badies could set Kermit up as a counterfeiter it would be the work of a moment to pretend he was at a rubber factory to stir us all up and make us distrust him.

    Everyone bursts out talking.

    GONZO
    (Shouting)
    Quiet.

    JANICE
    So, I said, listen! I’m not something you can just manipulate like that, Mr. Heffner! (Hugh Heffner) I am, like, a woman, fer sure! I have feelings, and just because I pose for your maga-
    (notices that everyone is staring at her)
    Never mind.

    OR

    It’s like when they burst into your room and you are standing there stark...
    (notices that everyone is staring at her)
    Never mind.

    GONZO
    There is only one thing for it. Rizzo and I will go and see Kermit and we’ll get the truth from him if it’s the last thing we do.

    CHEF
    Vey de go Ganzol.

    Everyone breaks out talking again with, “Go GONZO” and such like.

    CUT TO
  6. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Scene 30

    INT. CAFE

    CLIFFORD, PEPE, ROWLF, DR. TEETH, FLOYD, JANICE, ZOOT, LIPS, ANIMAL, LEW ZELAND, & BEAUREGARD sit around a table with a walkie-talkie sitting in the center of it. In the background GEORGE THE JANITOR sweeps the floor.

    LEW ZEALAND turns to BEAUREGARD.

    LEW
    Hey, isn’t that your job?

    BEAUREGARD
    I have a job? Wow, why did no one say so?

    ROWLF
    Oh boy.

    CLIFFORD
    Gonzo and Rizzo. Gonzo and Rizzo. This is home base, do you copy? Over.

    GONZO (V.O)
    What do you want?

    CLIFFORD
    Aw, come on, man! Make this a little official over here!

    GONZO (V.O.)
    Oh. Right. Sorry. What do you want? Over.

    PEPE
    Oy vey, okay!

    FLOYD
    Ten bucks says they're dead by the time they hit the laundromat. Eh, ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    JANICE
    Oh, rully, Floyd!

    CLIFFORD
    Hey, quiet it down, there, Floyd.
    (to walkie-talkie)
    You guys still there?

    GONZO (V.O.)
    Uh, yes. And for your information, Floyd, we're in front of the laundrom-Yikes!

    We hear a car horn honk from the walkie-talkie.

    GONZO (V.O.)
    Wow! Cool! We almost got hit by a Jaguar!

    FLOYD
    Well, at least they're going out in style. He he!

    ROWLF
    Oooooh! Remind me to check your credentials later, maybe we can hire you as a writer on Vet's Hospital.

    FLOYD
    Is that good or bad?

    ROWLF
    I think you just qualified.

    LEW ZELAND
    Hey, my Murray's not feelin' to well, maybe he could be your patient.

    ROWLF
    That's the first time I've ever heard anyone actually volunteer for that!

    JANICE
    Ooooooooooooh!

    CLIFFORD
    Cool it! Hold it! Hold the phone!

    BEAUREGARD
    (picks up phone)
    But, where should I put it?

    PEPE
    This was not my idea, okay.

    DR. TEETH
    I don't think there's a soul in this room who wants to take credit for that.

    ROWLF
    Now I got us two interns!

    JANICE
    Like a two for one deal!

    ROWLF
    Ooooh! Ouch! Janice, are you sure you play a nurse?

    JANICE
    Why?

    ROWLF
    Because that one was just too painful!

    CLIFFORD
    Hang on! This ain't Vet's Hospital, you know.

    ROWLF
    Well, that's a relief! I was wondering why no one was dead yet.

    JANICE
    Like, all but that last joke, fer sure.

    ROWLF & JANICE
    Oooooooooooooh!

    CLIFFORD
    I don't even believe this.

    ROWLF
    That's good! You know, I once had a patient who couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

    JANICE
    Like, what happened to him?


    A MAN runs past in the window behind them waving his arms around.

    MAN
    They're everywhere!!!! They're coming to get me!!!! Elephants! Elephants in plaid pyjamas! No!!!!!!

    He runs off.

    ZOOT
    ... What?

    GONZO (V.O.)
    Hey! Hey, are you guys still there? Hello? Guys! I need directions to the jail cell! Hello?

    Everyone stares at the walkie-talkie as GONZO goes on. Eventually, everyone just gets up and walks away.

    CUT TO

    EXT. JAIL- GATE

    GONZO and RIZZO, dressed in Sherlock Holmes detective outfits, stand on the outside of the gate trying to get in.

    RIZZO
    Why do I have to wear this dumb thing anyhow?

    GONZO
    It’s reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes’ outfit as described in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic detective novels.

    RIZZO
    Sherlock Shmerlock! We’re trying to break into prison, not play dress-up!

    GONZO
    So, dressing this way makes it a bit classier! It gives it that daring yet stylish look.

    RIZZO
    Why don’t we just rip a tag off of a pillow or some petty crime to go to jail?

    GONZO
    Rizzo, this is a family program! We have to consider that there’s at least one kid in the audience!

    Both look at the camera.

    RIZZO
    Oh, sorry. Wait a minute! Hang on here! What’s the dif? Breaking into jail’s just as illegal as ripping a tag off a mattress, so where’s the example being set?

    GONZO
    It’s the thought behind the crime. Right. So, let’s go!

    RIZZO
    Oh, yeah. So, why exactly are we doing this?

    GONZO
    Rizzo, you heard what that rooster guy.

    RIZZO
    Oh, I didn't think you could hear him off in la-la land over there! Let's just go.

    They walk over to the gate. By the gate is a couple of trash cans, GONZO and RIZZO start to climb these to go over the gate. The camera closes in on the lid of the trashcan and GONZO climbs onto of it.

    OSCAR(V.O)
    Hey! What's goin' on out there?

    OSCAR opens trash can lid, sending GONZO over backward.

    GONZO
    Whoa!

    OSCAR
    Hey, what's the big idea? Your making a lot of noise and it's dark and dingy down there!

    RIZZO
    Yeah? So?

    OSCAR
    Nothing! I love it! He he he!

    GONZO
    (brushes himself off)
    Hey, what are you doing here anyway?

    OSCAR
    What am I doin' here? Are you kidding me? Las Vegas is the largest trash capital in the world!

    RIZZO
    On no, the trash capital is Buffalo, NY, you ding bat!

    OSCAR
    Oh, yeah. I went there last year. They got some rotten stuff!

    GONZO
    Yeah, nasty.

    OSCAR
    (defensive)
    It's great! All dingu and grimy. Anyway, just check out all the great stuff I got around here hangin' out at the casinos! Let's see here...

    OSCAR goes rummaging through his can. He pulls out a wig.

    OSCAR
    Check this out! I even got Wayne Newton's hairpiece! Then this here is...

    GONZO
    Er, I don't mean to be rude-

    RIZZO
    I do!

    GONZO
    (ignoring Rizzo)
    But, uh, we're kinda doing a movie here.

    OSCAR
    Oh! Oh, I see! Well, excuse me for livin', needle nose! I guess I ain't good enough to be in your crumby movie!

    RIZZO
    If it's a crumby movie, does that mean you like it?

    OSCAR
    What?? You're wasting my invaluable time! Yuck!

    OSCAR slams the lid shut.

    RIZZO
    Oh well what’s up with him?

    GONZO
    Probably has garbage in his trousers.

    RIZZO
    Sounds bad.

    GONZO
    No it’s great, I did it one year...

    RIZZO
    (interrupting)
    Come on buddy.

    RIZZO pushes open the gate and walks through, while GONZO goes over the electric fence. We here and see a few electric shocks, and hear a few yelps from GONZO. He drops down on the other side all burnt up.

    GONZO
    Whoa! That was fantastic! Come on, Rizzo! Give me a boost so I can do it again!

    RIZZO just shakes his head and continues on his way.

    CUT TO

    Scene 31

    INT. JAIL CELL

    KERMIT sits looking up at the sky out the window like all is lost. FOZZIE is asleep on the bed in the background.

    KERMIT
    So much for comfort in friends. Look at me. What kind of friend am I? I go into this mess, and dragged my best friend into this.

    (NOTE: ONE OF THESE SONGS.)

    KERMIT
    What is out there?
    So many stars.
    Why all the splendor?
    Why held in by bars?
    So many stars
    Filling the sky.
    What is their purpose?
    Why dare ask why?
    It seems like a waste of time
    The time here is long.
    Time goes by.
    The stars stay the same.
    Here and there at night
    But do they remain?
    They stay the same through it all.
    Life always changing
    But they do not know.
    It seems so unfair...
    They've got no time to care...
    They get to live out there...
    Their live's not done.
    Twinkling and sparkles...
    So long a life.
    They're life goes on and on...
    While my life is through.
    Seems so unfair.
    But, that's what they do.
    What is out there?
    So many stars.
    Why all the splendor?
    Why? That's the question
    There should be no reason to ask.
    Why? So much that it can cover.
    So large of a task.
    All I wanted was to follow a dream.
    Dreams united is what it would seem.
    One moment can lead to down-fall!
    Dreams come crashing and loosing their call.
    Life's one true good thing
    Gone in a flash.
    Reaching out constantly
    In case something you snatch.
    What is out there?
    So many stars.
    Why all the splendor?
    Those stars...
    They seem so close,
    Yet too far to say.
    One thing is certain
    Of all that I know.
    One thing you have that star
    The next day you don't.
    Gazing out longingly
    To that great expanse.
    Wonder what purpose you have
    In this, no chance.
    So much to accomplish
    But none of it will
    What is the point? I guess
    There's none to fill.
    Nothing here can be true...
    Life's time is due...
    Nothing to do...
    What is out there?
    So many stars.
    Why all the splendor?
    Life goes on...
    For everyone else.
    That's that.
    Nothing for me.
    With all that we see.
    Life's ride is through...
    For me.
    --

    Star filled heavens above it all.
    They haven't got a lot to do.
    So much tenderness and care
    Went into making you.
    Where was that love...
    So much to spare for something so
    Distant and far away.
    Where was the love in making me?
    So much love in all the world
    Feels it's touch on everything.
    Throughtout the skys and on the earth
    But is there love to pass to me?
    So much went into making those...
    Such delicate work and care.
    It seems so futile. What is there reason?
    Is it just for us to stare?
    Intricate detailing, so much thought.
    Such a contrast to my life.
    Intricate detailing, shining so fair.
    They don't have to deal with my pain and strife.
    I guess there's no other purpose for them
    No other purpose for me...
    No other purpose...
    But...
    I guess...
    Life goes on...
    For everyone else.
    But me...
    And them...
    So I guess...
    It only means...
    Life's ride is through...
    For me.

    KERMIT shakes his head when he hears something at the window. It’s GONZO.

    GONZO
    Psst! Hey! Hey, Kermit! Kermit!

    KERMIT
    Er, Gonzo? What are you doing?

    GONZO
    About seven watts! Ha ha ha ha!

    KERMIT
    Er, beg pardon?

    GONZO
    It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later. We’re trying to get you out of here!

    KERMIT
    Well, that’s just great, Gonzo!

    GONZO
    That is why they call me the Great Gonzo.

    KERMIT
    Er, but there is one thing about that chicken factory-

    GUARD (V.O.)
    Hey! You! What are you doing here?

    GONZO
    Uh-oh! Yikes!

    GONZO falls from the window ledge. All that can be heard are the sounds of GONZO being chased around by the GUARD.

    GUARD (V.O.)
    Get back here, you!

    GONZO (V.O.)
    You’ll never take me alive! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oooh! Hey! That tickles! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    GUARD (V.O.)
    Great! We’ve got a weirdo on our hands.

    KERMIT
    Oh boy.


    CUT TO
  7. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Scene 32

    INT-JAIL CELL

    GONZO is on his own in a jail cell.

    Gonzo trying to escape by turning his bed into a catapult and catapulting himself into the wall getting a bent nose.

    CUT TO

    GONZO rubbing his thumb on the bed.

    GONZO
    (to camera)
    Hey if I rub it long enough it will become a little sore.

    CUT TO

    Scene 33

    INT-CAFÉ-DAY

    UNCLE DEADLY, CLUELESS MORGAN, POLLY LOBSTER, and MAD MONTY come through the door. They walk over to a table and sit down.

    BEAUREGARD is sweeping, JANICE is behind the counter, PEPE goes over to the table.

    PEPE
    So are you guys going to order, ok?

    UNCLE DEADLY
    Yeah, we’ll take tacos, chips, syrup sponge cake, and coffee, all round.

    PEPE
    Are you sure that is what you want, ok?

    DEADLY
    Why wouldn’t I want what I have ordered?

    PEPE
    Just checking, ok. Don’t want to be sued like McDonalds if you get fat, ok?

    DEADLY
    Just, get it.
    (beat)
    Now, ok!

    PEPE
    Coming up, ok.

    As PEPE goes away the others start talking.

    MAD MONTY
    I am hungry. It’s all this planning.

    CLUELESS MORGAN
    Yuah, we certainly got Kermit into trouble.

    POLLY
    Shhh. Not so loud.

    MORGAN
    But it was a good plan and I...

    MORGAN continues to drone on as BEAUREGARD who was sweeping nearby runs out the back.

    BEAUREGARD
    Quick, quick.

    PEPE
    What is it now?

    FLOYD looks up from the tape recorder where he was listening to Elvis Presly.

    FLOYD
    Cool it, brown dude.

    BEAUREGARD
    Out the front. It’s the guys who framed Kermit.

    PEPE
    What?

    BEAUREGARD
    Quick a tape recorder.
    (grabs FLOYD’s radio)
    Does this have a recordy bit?

    FLOYD
    Yeah, but it’s got my Elvis tape in it. Hey, your gona’ ruin it.

    PEPE takes it from BEAUREGARD and runs out the front. He wonders over to the table.

    PEPE
    Did you guys want a drink?

    PEPE slips the tape recorder under the table.

    DEADLY
    Yes, I told you we want a drink. Coffee.

    PEPE
    Oh yes, sorry about that, ok.

    PEPE goes away

    POLLY
    As I was saying it wasn’t exactly my idea to set Kermit up but I had thought of it too.

    DEADLY
    (bored)
    Is that so?

    MORGAN
    Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was a great idea and sending Kermit the Pig to the Rubber Chicken factory so that we could have a motive was truly inspirational.

    PEPE comes back over

    PEPE
    Do you guys want ice with that drink?

    DEADLY
    Ice? With Coffee?

    PEPE
    Just checking, ok?

    He goes away.

    MAD MONTY
    So now not only do we have a motive, fake of course, but his friends will turn against him.

    POLLY
    They will believe the evidence more than the truth.

    DEADLY
    Don’t we all.

    CLUELESS
    (laughing)
    A pig, Kermit the Pig. He, he, he.

    PEPE
    (coming back)
    Do you want lettuce with your salad?

    DEADLY
    We didn’t order salad.

    PEPE
    But salad is very good for you, ok.

    DEADLY
    Get lost.

    PEPE
    Oh, where am I, ok.
    (goes away)

    CLUELESS
    What was I saying?

    MAD MONTY
    You were saying about Kermit the Pig.

    CLUELESS
    I was? Oh yes, we sent Kermit the Pig to the chicken factory.

    POLLY
    Well, anyway, once the evidence has been weighed, his friends will turn against him and boom. No one to rescue him.

    MAD MONTY
    Then why have we been told to watch him night and day?

    CLUELESS
    Day and night actually.

    PEPE
    (appearing again)
    Do you want salt and pepper with your...

    DEADLY
    Do you know what I really fancy.

    PEPE
    Don’t say seafood. It is off the menu today.

    DEADLY
    I fancy a different café. OK!!!

    They all get up and leave.

    PEPE
    Have a nice day, ok. Don’t trip on the step and break your ungrateful little necks, ok.
    (turns to camera)
    Grrrrr.

    PEPE goes out the back and BEAUREGARD goes to the table and takes out the recorder.

    BEAUREGARD
    I had better hide this.

    BEAUREGARD sticks it under a pile of salad and SWEETUMS walks over and eats the salad, recorder and all.

    SWEETUMS
    Doesn’t the just beat the record. Eh?

    PEPE comes back out from the back.

    PEPE
    I need to get that recorder.

    BEAUREGARD
    It is under the lettuce...
    (notices it is gone)
    Who ate the evidence?

    PEPE
    It is a good job I managed to hear it all.
    (panicking)
    Oh this is stressful. Help, help, help, help. Kermit is innocent. Oh, I deserve a muffin, ok?
    (shouts)
    Emmmmy!!!

    CUT TO

    Scene 34

    INT-GONZO’S JAIL CELL

    Gonzo starts digging with his spoon.

    CUT TO

    Scene 35

    INT-JAIL CELL-DAY

    GUARD approaches the jail, unlocks the door, opens it and hands KERMIT and FOZZIE dinner dishes with lids. He shuts the door but does not lock it.

    GUARD
    Here’s your shrimp scampi.

    The GUARD goes away, KERMIT lifts the lid of his dinner and PEPE jumps of the plate.

    PEPE
    I am not a shrimp I am a King Prawn. Come on, come on.

    FOZZIE
    What?

    KERMIT
    Pepe?

    PEPE
    Si, it is Pepe as ever.

    FOZZIE
    What are you doing here?

    PEPE
    Rescuing you, ok?

    KERMIT
    OK.

    PEPE walks out through the bars of the prison and over to wall where a lot of keys are hung up on separate hooks.

    PEPE
    Eny, Meni, Mini, Mo. Ip, dip, do, la, de, da, out goes you.

    PEPE rummages through the keys.

    KERMIT
    Quick, hurry. I can here the guard coming back.

    PEPE
    No, problem, OK.

    The tune from Mission Impossible starts as the GUARD comes through the door at the end of the corridor and starts to walk toward KERMIT’s cell.

    PEPE jumps back through the bars of KERMIT’s cell and shoots out the window.

    The GUARD sits down on a chair in the corridor to guard the prisons.

    Suddenly PEPE appears at the door, he comes in and then nips back out again.

    PEPE (V.O.)
    Okidocki, Mr Guard, get here at once the prisoners are escaping.

    The GUARD gets up and runs out the door.

    PEPE arrives back at KERMIT’s window. He jumps in and runs through to the key board again.

    PEPE
    Which one? Which one?

    FOZZIE
    Oh no, we are never going to get out of here.

    FOZZIE bangs his head on the prison door and it swings open.

    KERMIT
    What the...

    PEPE sees the door is open and does a double take.

    PEPE
    I did it. I got you out of there, ok?

    CUT TO

    Scene 37

    EXT-UNDERWATER

    The camera pans along a mud flat. Several fish swim by. Suddenly GONZO digs up through and realizes he's underwater as a fish swims by. He shrugs and goes back down the hole.

    CUT TO
  8. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    I'll give you guys a minute to catch your breath here...
  9. Whatever

    Whatever Active Member

    Awesome, Beau! It's a little too close to existing Muppet movies to be produced, but as a fanfic, it's awesome!
  10. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    True...there are..simeralities. :p

    My fav line: "But salad is very good for you, ok."

    --

    Scene 38

    INT-MUPPET NEWSROOM

    MUPPET NEWSMAN is behind his desk reporting.

    NEWSMAN
    This is a Muppet News Flash. Kermit the frog has escaped from jail it is said that he had the assistance of a shrimp in prawn’s clothing. If you don’t recall he was caught red handed about a week ago with a box of counterfeit penguins. It was also discovered at the time that several of these afore mentioned boxes were also found in the wardrobe of Mr the Frog. It has recently been reported that one of the boxes has gone missing if you know something about the disappearance of this box send it here.

    (Large box falls on his head)

    CUT TO

    EXT-SHOPPING MALL

    SCOOTER is standing watching a big screen playing the newsflash. The camera zooms in on his face as he realises that it was his fault that KERMIT ended up in jail. He realises that his employer was the person that framed KERMIT.

    CUT TO

    Scene 39

    BLACK

    You hear GONZO rejoicing that he has finally got out, lights go on, and GONZO is surrounded by monsters, lights go out again with the sounds of a fight.

    CUT TO

    Scene 40

    EXT. CAFE

    KERMIT and FOZZIE walk down the busy street together towards the cafe along with PEPE.

    KERMIT
    Thanks for helping us out back there, Pepe.

    PEPE
    Well, Kermin, sometimes you have to do what you feel is right. And if you accidentally end up at a dock while a shrimping vessel happens to be unloading their catch and you get caught up in a net, well, that works along too.

    KERMIT
    Oh.

    FOZZIE
    Kermit, what are we going to do now? We've already broken out of prison! We'll never be able to go back to our jobs being convicted, break-out criminals!

    KERMIT
    Fozzie, we're going to find out who did this to us and I am going to prove me innocent.

    PEPE
    Myself.

    KERMIT & FOZZIE
    What?

    PEPE
    I believe the proper terminol-o-gee is "myself". "Prove myself innocent." At least, this is what I am thinking that's the proper terminol-o-gee, okay. What do you think, Kermin?

    KERMIT
    Good grief! Yeesh!

    The three of them head into the cafe.

    CUT TO

    INT. CAFE

    KERMIT, FOZZIE, and PEPE enter the cafe. RIZZO is on the counter talking on the phone. BEAUREGARD is sweeping up in the background and ROWLF is cleaning the counter. FOZZIE and PEPE head towards a nearby table with KERMIT.

    RIZZO
    (calling out)
    Hey, Kerm! Phone for you!

    KERMIT
    What?

    KERMIT shrugs his shoulders and heads over to the counter where he takes the phone from RIZZO. RIZZO sits there staring at KERMIT. KERMIT makes a face at him.

    KERMIT
    Do you mind?

    RIZZO
    What? It ain't nothin' I've never head before!

    KERMIT
    (shaking head)
    Yeesh!
    (into phone)
    Hello? S-Scooter?

    RIZZO
    Aw, nuts.

    RIZZO hops down off the counter and walks off.

    KERMIT
    Huh? Oh.
    (into phone)
    Scooter? Is that you?

    SCOOTER (V.O. on the phone.)
    ... What?

    KERMIT
    Scooter, is that you???

    SCOOTER
    Who? What? Who? No! Don't mention my name on the phone! It might be bugged!

    KERMIT
    What? Scooter, are you crazy?

    SCOOTER
    No! Er, um, who's Scooter.

    KERMIT
    Grr! Just get to the point!!!

    We go to a split-screen of KERMIT and SCOOTER talking on the phone.

    SCOOTER
    Oh, right. Kermit! I have something urgent to tell you!

    KERMIT
    Oh, really?

    SCOOTER
    Yeah! Er, oss-bay, I ave-hay omething-say ery-vay important o-tay ell-tey oo-yay. Er, eh.

    Adjust to show FOZZIE sat next to KERMIT

    FOZZIE
    I get the feeling this movie could be very popular in Canada.

    KERMIT
    Er, not now, Fozzie.
    (to phone)
    Scooter, I think the fact that half of the Muppet population are pigs, I don’t think using pig latin as a secret code is too bright of an idea. So, just get to it!

    SCOOTER
    ... Well, if you're going to be uptight about it, well then...

    KERMIT
    Scooter!

    SCOOTER
    Oh, okay, boss. Okay. But, you'd better listen up, this is very important.

    KERMIT
    (calm)
    What is it, Scooter?

    SCOOTER
    ... Oh, no! I think I forgot!

    KERMIT
    (slowly loosing his cool)
    Oh, Scooter!

    SCOOTER
    Wait! ... Oh, right! Kermit, you have been framed for counterfeiting penguins!

    KERMIT
    I already knew that!

    SCOOTER
    I'm not even to the point yet!

    KERMIT
    ... Well?

    SCOOTER
    Oh, right. Kermit, I know who the person who framed you is!

    KERMIT
    What? Really? Who?

    SCOOTER
    ... Who, what?

    KERMIT
    Who! Who framed me???

    SCOOTER
    Kermit, the man who framed you is...

    CLICK they get disconnected. The split-screen of them stays though.

    KERMIT
    Er, Scooter? Scooter? Scooter, did you hang up?

    SCOOTER
    Boss? Boss? Kermit? Did you hang up?

    KERMIT
    Scooter, are you there??? Who framed me??? Oh, no. We've been disconnected.

    SCOOTER
    Boss? *sigh*

    SCOOTER looks over into KERMIT's side of the split-screen.

    SCOOTER
    I think we've been disconnected, boss.

    SCOOTER runs off and the split-screen goes away. KERMIT looks into the camera and sighs. He hangs up the phone and walks over to the table where FOZZIE and PEPE, and now ROWLF, CLIFFORD, and RIZZO are sitting. KERMIT sits down.

    KERMIT
    We have to find Scooter, you guys. He knows who...

    KERMIT's face lights up in realization. Cut to...

    EXT-HOUSE

    Flashback of when KERMIT and FOZZIE get arrested. KERMIT realizes one of the officers arresting them is UNCLE DEADLY. Our bad guy drives past and does a thumbs up. Focus on UNLCE DEADLY, though. Cut to...

    INT. PRISON

    Flashback of when KERMIT is sitting alone on the bench in a "waiting room". In the background is UNLCE DEADLY talking to our bad guy. Focus on UNCLE DEADLY. Cut to...

    INT. COURT ROOM

    Flashback of when KERMIT and FOZZIE are on trial. In the background again is UNCLE DEADLY sat next to our bad guy. Focus again on UNCLE DEADLY. Cut to...

    INT. CAFE

    Back to KERMIT and FOZZIE, RIZZO, PEPE, ROWLF, and CLIFFORD.

    KERMIT
    I know who framed me. It was...

    CUT TO

    Scene 41

    INT. SWEDISH KITCHEN

    The SWEDISH CHEF stands behind his usual counter dancing with clevers as his theme song plays.

    SWEDISH CHEF
    Yomber doomber de oom
    Be diskadoo.
    Yooder oh der hoon de oon burn
    Bork bork bork!

    The SWEDISH CHEF tosses the cleavers over his shoulders then picks up a penguin.

    SWEDISH CHEF
    End new ve were perform de Pppppppppick up ve penchuin. Uver hery de penchuin. Er de maoolett ern de penchuin.

    The SWEDISH CHEF picks up a mallet and hits the penguin over the head with it.

    SWEDISH CHEF
    Deer we goo. Ven dur poongoon is sleepy-sleepy, der shoo de voo ber de boor schkoopendey flurp. Noo, taken der verndey boog boog boony!

    The SWEDISH CHEF reaches down and pulls out BEAN BUNNY.

    SWEDISH CHEF
    See der boony? Ven dur ve stoof de poongoon vit de boony. Hoor ve gooo.

    BEAN
    I'm not so sure about this.

    SWEDISH CHEF
    Veer beer der burn hoof!

    CHEF hits BEAN over the head with the mallet.

    SWEDISH CHEF
    Ver de gooo. De boony gooo de boon boon. Ya de yoo yoo good der shleeping boocoo...

    The SWEDISH CHEF pulls out a plunger and prepares to stick BEAN in the penguin's mouth. Before we get too far...

    CUT TO

    Scene 42

    INT. CASINO- OFFICE

    Shot of the bottom of a large, grand desk. Pan up to our bad guy, RICHARD JAMESON sitting behind the desk looking down at a newspaper. He picks up the newspaper and slams it down on the desk.

    JAMESON
    The frog has escaped??? How could you three let this happen??? I give you one simple assignment, and you ruin it!

    MAD MONTY
    Well, we were just, um, going to, uh...

    CLUELESS MORGAN
    We’re going on a picnic! We’re going on a picnic!

    POLLY LOBSTER
    Clueless, you idiot!
    (to JAMESON)
    Er, listen, boss, we was on our way over there just now when you-

    JAMESON
    Does what I’m saying mean nothing to you? The frog has escaped and I am blaming yooooooooou!

    POLLY
    Well, maybe if you knew the whole story-

    JAMESON
    I know the whole story! They were not supposed to escape, and you let them escape!

    POLLY
    Well, just not in so many words-

    JAMESON
    Words? What words? There are no other words to describe it!!!

    MAD MONTY
    It wasn’t exactly our fault.

    POLLY
    Yeah! Yeah! What Monty said! It wasn’t our fault! We wasn’t even there, how could it be our fault??? He he
    (realizes what he’s done)
    Do, boy.

    JAMESON
    (patiently)
    Then who’s fault was it?

    POLLY
    Er, um, uh...

    MAD MONTY
    It was Morgan’s fault! We left him to watch them, and he let them escape!

    POLLY
    Monty, you idiot! He’s not-

    CLUELESS MORGAN
    Um, I think it had something to do with vowels, Regis.

    POLLY
    Oh, boy.

    JAMESON
    You idiots!

    JAMESON slams his fist down on the desk as UNLCE DEADLY fumbles with his knife and ends up dropping it. He bites his lip in pain.

    UNCLE DEADLY
    Ow. My foot.

    JAMESON
    How can you be so stupid? I bet if I had let Deadly over there, they wouldn't even be alive now!

    Their attention is now drawn to UNCLE DEADLY as he jumps up and down on one foot screaming in pain.

    UNCLE DEADLY
    Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

    JAMESON
    Oh, Boy!

    JAMESON puts his hands on his face disgusted. He looks up as he hears a knock at the door. His SECRETARY peeks in through the door.

    SECRETARY
    Um, Mr. Jameson? Your go-fer is here to see you.

    JAMESON
    Oh, good! At least there's one person who works for me who's at least partially coherent. Let him in!

    The SECRETARY leaves as a GOPHER enters.

    JAMESON
    What are you doing here?

    GOPHER
    Hey, I am your new Gopher.

    JAMESON
    Get out of here.

    GOPHER leaves as SCOOTER enters.

    JAMESON
    Ah! Scooter! Come in.

    MAD MONTY, POLLY LOBSTER, and CLUELESS MORGAN get up and head out. UNCLE DEADLY hobbles out after them.

    SCOOTER
    Um, you called for me, sir?

    JAMESON
    Yes, Scooter. I have another package for you.

    JAMESON reaches down to the desk where a monster's hand reaches out of a drawer and hands him a package.

    JAMESON
    Thank you, George.

    MONSTER (V.O.)
    S'allright!

    The hand goes back down.

    JAMESON
    Here you are. I think you know where this goes.

    SCOOTER
    Oh, yes sir!

    JAMESON
    Good. Oh, and by the way, great job so far! Everything you've done has been working out for us. Unlike some people I know.

    JAMESON looks over to the door where MAD MONTY, POLLY LOBSTER, CLUELESS MORGAN, and UNCLE DEADLY are staring in through the window in the door. SCOOTER looks over too.

    SCOOTER
    Oh, them. That's okay. I do that all the time.

    JAMESON
    Beg pardon?

    SCOOTER
    What?

    JAMESON
    No, what did you say?

    SCOOTER
    "What".

    JAMESON
    Tell me what you said!

    SCOOTER
    I did.

    JAMESON
    Did what?

    SCOOTER
    Told you what I said. "What".

    JAMESON
    What???

    SCOOTER
    Exactly.

    JAMESON
    Wha-? No! Just... Deliver the package.

    SCOOTER
    Okay. Don't get your shorts in a bunch.

    SCOOTER exits as JAMESON sits back down in his chair in a huff.

    JAMESON
    I'm surrounded by...

    The phone rings. JAMESON answers it.

    JAMESON
    Hello?

    CUT TO

    CLOSE ON KERMIT’S MOUTH talking on the phone.

    KERMIT
    Mr. Jameson. This is the frog. You know which one.
  11. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Darn I forgot to comment on these last updates!

    I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT BEAU!! Thanks for doing this!
  12. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    1.) Ditto prawncracker's post.
    2.) WELL DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HANGING HERE!!!!!!!
  13. Super Scooter

    Super Scooter New Member

    The scenes where the Muppets are without Kermit were inspired by something that Jim Henson and Jerry Juhl have both stated. Kermit is the glue that holds this group of zanies together. Without Kermit, I'd imagine the group would go out of control a bit, and the scenes were intended as merely humorous, and that they would get nowhere. But the fact that they were trying to help their friend and fearless leader was the whole point to those scenes, and maybe I didn't bring that out well enough.
  14. Super Scooter

    Super Scooter New Member

    By the way, this is the post I was replying to.
  15. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    By the way, I never finished posting this, did I? And, by the way, Supes? It's great to see you buddy. *smirky grin*
  16. Super Scooter

    Super Scooter New Member

    :) *hi!*:)
  17. Super Scooter

    Super Scooter New Member

    *psst!* Beauregard, could you please send me another copy of the script? I don't have it anymore.

    You can email me here. Not here, but here.

    Thank you.
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    No... You never did get to finish posting this great script Bo... So get a-posting more!
    Please!
  19. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Ok, Count, I just gotta find it first. :p

    Beau

    P.S. There's an e-mail flashing your way...though I had no idea which of those two addresses to yell at, so I zipped the file off to both. - Beau
  20. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    So... You found it yet? Come on, post more or the nagging implements shall be used to prod this along.


Share This Page