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Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Kiki, Dec 3, 2006.
You wanna drive Chuck Norris crazy? Tell him to go to his round house and sit in the corner!
Why did the elephant wear a striped shirt?
Because it didn't want to be spotted! Wocka, wocka, wocka!
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks. Ahhhh, Wocka, Wocka!
Do you know why blondes don't like M&M's?
They hate peeling off the shells.
Another blonde buys a bag of M&M's, and an hour later returns them to the store.
"These are defective! They all say "W"!"
Okay, for this joke, it helps to be familiar with this Sesame Street Sketch:
[Harvey Kneeslapper is giggling while jumping on a pogo stick. Fat Blue is watching.]
Fat Blue: Say, that pogo stick looks like fun!
Harvey: Ahhh, sure is! Wanna try?
Fat Blue: Oh, I’d love to!
Harvey: What’s that?
Fat Blue: I say, I’d love to!
Harvey: Oh! All right. Here!
[Slaps the number 2 on Fat Blue’s chest.]
Harvey: There’s 2! A’HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
[Harvey laughs like mad as he bounces away on the pogo stick, with Fat Blue giving angry chase.]
And now for the joke!
Q: Why didn’t Harvey pull this trick on anyone else?
A: He had only one 2.
Realizing I told the Dr joke already, here's another one.
Guy goes into a Doctors office and the Dr says
"You don't have very long to live"
Guy says "How long do I have left?"
Dr says 10
Guy says "10 what? 10 days? 10 weeks?"
Dr says 10, 9, 8, 7, pay your bill, 6, cash only, 5
Did you hear about the blind skunk that fell in love with a fart?
Nope... But I have two jokes.
What happened to the frog who was mad at himself?
He Ker-mitted suicide.
What path do crazy people take in the woods?
The physco path.
Wocka Wocka Wocka!!!
(Cue music): "Ta-ra-ra-BOOM-dee- ay, Ta-ra-ra-BOOM-dee- ay..."
Why is it wrong to say “pi r square”?
Who ever heard of square pie? Everyone knows pie are round!
Okay, how about this one?
Why did the blonde wear dark glasses?
With all the dumb-blonde jokes around, she didn’t want to be recognized.
Here's a few from my brother (who makes lots of corny jokes)
1.What kind of construction tool is edible?
2. Why does too much thinking ruin your brain?
Sooner or later it'll step on a MIND-field!
3. What do you do to a tree to make it not know the answer to a riddle?
Did you hear the one about the pregnant comedian?
she had a pun in the oven!
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
So wrong yet so funny
oh lord, did I really spell "meat" as "meet"?
Um. New Joke:
How did the farmer grow a lot of tomoatos?
He was outstanding in his field.
A girl walks into the living room, to ask her boyfriend if he wants a tuna fish sandwich, what did he say?
Why would anyone tune a fish?
A squirrel drags another squirrel to an evergreen, and says, tell me a joke, then grabs a jar of syrup It came from the tree. The other squirrel says, why you got a jar of syrup?
I;m a sap for tree jokes.
A guy goes door-to-door looking for work.
Some guy pays him 50 bucks to paint his porch, guy comes back in an hour and says "I'm finished! But I think you should know something! Your car is a Ferrari, not a porch!"
What do you get when a T-Rex exercises too much?
What does a frog eat in paris?
Why did the store close at 2 o' clock?
It was twos day
What’s the best way to cure acid indigestion?
Stop drinking acid!
Separate names with a comma.