It Feels Like Christmas

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 7: The Message If We Hear It

The lights flickered back on and Mildred, George, and Gonzo were pulled out of the hole. The Mayhem cleard the stage and Sam came on with his new act prepared. "Kermit, the fact that I was unable to perform my act within the five minute time limit is not a factor any longer," Sam said. "Just make it clear that I was ready when five minutes was up," he projected.

Kermit nodded. "Yes yes Sam I know I know, now could you get started please? It's getting late," Kermit told the eagle.

Sam nodded once then motioned offstage and Thog, Marvin Suggs, Zoot, Uncle Deadly, Boppity, and Beautiful Day Monster walked out on the stage.

Sam perched himself on a raised platform. "I'll have a blue Christmas without you," he began to sing.
"I'll be so blue, thinking about you."

"Decorations of red," Marvin Suggs continued.
"On a green Christmas tree."

"Won't mean a thing,
If you're not here with me," Thog sang.

"I'll have a blue Christmas that's certain," Sam sang again.
"And when that blue heartache starts hurtin',"

"You'll be doing all fright," Uncle Deadly continued.
"With your Christmas of white,"

"But I'll have a blue Christmas without you," Sam finished.

Kermit scrunched up his face. "This stuff just writes itself doesn't it?" he said.

Rowlf covered his eyes with his hand and sighed. "This is rather embarrassing," he said.

Meanwhile, Johnny just woke up from the nap. "Wha'? Whadid I miss?" he asked Sal.

"Heh, a song that'll make you blue when you hear it," Sal joked.

Johnny stared. "You're taking lessons from the bear again aren't you?"

Sam stood as straight as ever. "Well Kermit, what did you think of my performance? Hmm? Much better than that so called 'music,'" he made finger quotes.

Kermit frowned. "Well Sam it was very er-well uh very-"

"Lacking of a certain weirdo!" Gonzo said as he ran onstage. "Yeah that's right! You forgot me! I'm blue!" he told Sam.

Sam turned his head to look at Gonzo. "I don't think I'd have a blue Christmas without you!" he pointed to the Whatever.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Gonzo asked.

Rowlf sighed. "Kermit, do we really even need another musical number?" Rowlf asked.

Kermit looked at Scooter. "Uh," Scooter looked through the clipboard. "Well, if we don't have another musical number, we'll have to either use a Muppet Labs skit, or-"

"I could throw my boomerang fish!" Lew Zealand interupted as he popped up from the hole in the stage floor.

Sam slapped his head and sighed. "What did I do to deserve this?" he sighed to himself.

"Well whadaya say Mr. the Frog?" Lew asked. "Can I do my act?"

"NO LEW! NO SAM! NO GONZO!" Kermit shouted at the top of his lungs. "THE MAYHEM GET THEIR SONG!" he breathed recklisly. "I don't even feel like being here right now! I've got this darn cough that keeps coming back and all you guys can do is fight!" he coughed a few times. "Scooter, Rowlf, watch over the theater and the rest of the rehearsal! I'm going home!" he walked up to the front door and grabbed his scarf off the coat rack knocking it over.

"Hey Sal, the frog just knocked over our writer," Johnny said. "Somebody's gonna be hearing about that one," he laughed.

Kermit walked out the door and slammed it behind him, it woke Pops who was sleeping inside the ticket booth. He awoke with a jolt. "Aw hey there Kermit! How are ya?" he asked the frog.

Kermit coughed three times. "I'm fine Pops," he coughed twice more and walked off.

"Well I don't wanna sound repetitive or nothing," Pops said as he watched Kermit storm off. "But it's not often you see a frog that green have a blue Christmas like that."

 

[TogetherAgain]

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Starting with Sam not being able to perform within five minutes. That was good! And Kermit and Rowlf's comments on his, er, "performance," And Sal's joke, and lessons from the bear, lacking a certain weirdo! And I don't think I'd have a blue christmas without you... Ha!

And poor Kermit just EXPLODES, and he sounds so Kermit! I mean, I feel bad for him, getting sick and all, but just the fact that he's Kermit, it's so funny! And he knocks over their writer- THE HATRACK! Like in, um, oh shoot, it was the um.... Peter Ustinov episode, right? When the hatrack was credited as a writer? So awesome! And Pops' line! Very cool!

I'll have a blue... Christmas... without you... <blink> sounds like some sort of weekly visual... <cough>

 

[redBoobergurl]

This story is so gosh darn hilarious! No wonder Lisa ran out of fingers to count how many times she's laughed! It's just so funny! I love it!

 

[ryhoyarbie]

This is a great stiry. I have to say, all the muppets are behaving like themselves. Great job. Continue continue continue.

ryan

 

[Skeeter Muppet]

*laughs* Oh...my gosh... Sam...singing...'Blue Christmas'! That's just too... The mental image... *starts laughing again and can't stop*

-Kim

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Yes, that Blue Christmas number was a bit surprising, as were the people he chose to sing it with him, poor Gonzo! But I loved it! I can't say what I loved the best, because I think it was all equally amazing!

 

[Beauregard]

From the Wampire Veekly: "It Feels Like Christmas is a whirlwind ride through teh festive season, bursting with dasselling musical sequences, and exloding with action, It Feels like Xmas is a fabulous all-star Muppet production, made all the more gripping by a cold of Kermits and an intriguing Bunny posing as Piggy."

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 8: A Special Time of Caring

Kermit woke up the next morning feeling like his head was on fire. He opened his eyes and saw Robin sitting on top of his chest staring right into his eyes.

"Hey guys!" Robin called through the house. "He's up!"

The room was suddenly flooded with Muppets, all talking to Kermit at once.

"You alright boss?"

"Kermin, are jou hokay? If not, um, can I have jour stereo?"

"Mee mo mo mee mo!"

"I t'ink da frog drank some bad egg nog."

"Or a little too much egg nog if you know what I mean."

"EGG NOG! EGG NOG!"

"I mede-a cheeckee nuudle-a suoop!"

"BAGAWK!"

"Is that real chicken?!"

"QUIET!!" Fozzie shouted. "Kermit is trying to sleep!!"

"So I said listen buster, mistletoe only gets you one kiss and that's all! No way will I do that in public!" Janice said to Bobo the Bear so everyone could hear.

"Is nothing sacred," Sam sighed.

"Well he's not trying to sleep anymore!" Piggy pushed to Kermit's bed wearing a large white fur hat and coat. "Kermie dear are vous ok? Because if not, moi is fully capable of canceling her all-expense paid trip to France to stay here at your bedside. Please tell me you're ok," she said.

"I'm fine," Kermit said through a stuffy nose. "Just a liddow cowd," he sniffed.

Rowlf felt Kermit's forehead. "He's burning up," he said.

"Ay ji ji!! Doggy man!" Pepe shouted. "I did not think jou were like dat. Hokay? I thought only de pig thought like dat, not dat Kermin ever thought back," Pepe said.

"When I'm through with you you're not gonna think again!" Miss Piggy shouted at the prawn.

"Hey!" Robin shouted. "Uncle Kermit doesn't feel good! Don't fight in his room!"

"Dank you Robin," Kermit said. "Guys I'm fine really, I just think I'll have to cawle in sick today," he sniffed again. "Scootow, Wowlf, Cliffowd, you'we in chowge."

The three of them nodded. "No problem Kerm," Clifford said. "We got everything under control. Alright ya'll get moving! Everybody to the theater! The frog needs his rest!"

The Muppets all left the room slowly, except Rowlf, Scooter, Clifford, Gonzo, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, and Robin.

"Well boss," Scooter said. "How long do you think this cold is gonna last?"

"Well, it can't last longer than two days!" Fozzie said. "If it does, we'll have no host for our Christmas show! Then no one will come and we'll all be broke and have to live on the streets and-"

"Can it bear!" Piggy shouted. "But really Kermie, may moi go to France? My plane leaves in three hours, you know what they say about airplanes," she said.

"What's the deal with the food?" Fozzie asked.

"It's illegal to ride on the wings?" asked Gonzo.

"No dogs allowed?" Rowlf asked.

"No! That you never know when they may leave early!" Piggy said.

"Who says that?" Scooter asked.

"Never mind!" Piggy shouted. "So Kermie?"

"Dat's fine Piggy," Kermit said. "I'll be fine, I just need to get a widdow mowe sweep," he said.

"Kerm man, you've been asleep since you got home last night! At six o'clock!" Clifford said.

"And it's noon right now," Robin said.

"Good grief," Kermit sighed.

**************************

The red corvette pulled up in front of the court house and parked. Johnny Fiama, Sal, and Bean Bunny hopped out. "Well Bean," Sal said. "You all ready for your big day in court?" he asked the bunny.

"Oh I sure am!" Bean said. "I can't wait to see all the cute little ducks and flowers!"

"Ducks and flowers?" Sal whispered to Johnny.

Johnny raised his eyebrows. "Eh, must be a rabbit talk for felons and lawyers."

"I thought lawyers were rats?" Sal said.

"That joke's older than you are Sal," Johnny said.

"Are you counting my age in monkey years?" Sal asked.

The three of them walked into the court house. Bean stepped up to the bailiff. "Hello there mister bailiff, I'm here for my jury duty!" he said.

"Oh you are are you?" the man asked. "Can I see some I.D. there rabbit?"

Bean pulled Miss Piggy's driver's license out of his pocket and handed it to the man. The man held it close to his eyes. "You don't look like a-" when he put the license down, Bean was wearing a plastic pig snout over his nose. "Oh, welcome Miss Piggy, the jury's seats are right over there," he pointed to the jury's seats.

"Thank you sir," Bean hopped over to his seat.

Johnny and Sal took their seats in the audience pews and took off their coats. "Gee Johnny," Sal said. "I didn't know they gave out programs at court hearings."

Johnny looked at Sal. "Gimme that!" he grabbed the program from Sal's hands and read it silently. "Oh would you look at that Sal, Johnny Depp is on trial, heh, Piggy's gonna be sorry she missed this," Johnny said.

Sal read the program over Johnny's shoulder. "Johnny, um, isn't Johnny Depp supposed to be our guest star for the big Christmas show on Sunday?" Sal asked.

Johnny raised his eyebrows. "What the-oh no Sal, he is! But wait, wait, let's calm down here, take a deep breath, I mean look, Bean's on the jury," they looked at Bean and he waved to them, Sal waved back. "I mean, it's not like he'd vote our guest star guilty," Johnny said.

***********************

"And so your honor," Bean said from the jury bench. "We find the defendant,"

"Here it comes Sal, we're on the right track now," Johnny said.

"Guilty of all charges!" Bean said.

Johnny and Sal's mouths both dropped open at once. "I think we just got lost Johnny," Sal said.

A man poked his head next to Sal's. "Have you tried Harry Krishna?"

 

[Beauregard]

*laughs my socks off*

Ooh, chilly feet!

*laughs my head off*

*silence*

 

[Fragglemuppet]

*laughing* I just knew as soon as you said that that Bean was going to vote guilty!