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The corny joke thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Kiki, Dec 3, 2006.

  1. Mary Louise

    Mary Louise Well-Known Member

    Hey, did you hear the joke about the cement floor?

    Never mind...it’s too hard for you.
    LaniArianna likes this.
  2. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    Justin Bieber concerts apparently have medicinal properties: one man got up from his wheel chair and walked away.
    cjd874 and Dominicboo1 like this.
  3. Mo Frackle

    Mo Frackle Well-Known Member

    Marriage is like a three-ring circus - there's the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring - Lou Costello
  4. Dominicboo1

    Dominicboo1 Well-Known Member

    I'd like to do another joke at Justin's expense. A cute boy at your school held my little brother. I said "Awww!" Justin held his little sister in a photo...I said"Child abuse!"
    LaniArianna likes this.
  5. Dr TeethFan

    Dr TeethFan Well-Known Member

    What's the Internet's favorite animal?
    The lynx.
  6. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    This one is not only old, but it really puts the corn in corny.

    How do Canadians spell the name of their country?

  7. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    A woman runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, help me! I'm shrinking!"
    The doctor says, "Okay, okay, just be a little patient."

    A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I've swallowed a roll of film."
    The doctor says, "We'll have to see what to develops."

    A farmer goes to the doctor with his chicken.
    "What's the problem, Farmer Brown?"
    "My chicken just swallowed a brick!"
    "Congratulations! Your chicken is now a bricklayer!"
  8. Mary Louise

    Mary Louise Well-Known Member

    In honor of Valentine’s Day, here’s a joke about a husband and wife. Just as they are setting off on a car trip...

    Wife: Oh, stop the car, quick! I forgot to turn off the electric iron.
    Husband: It’s all right, dear, nothing will burn. I forgot to turn off the shower.
    Dominicboo1 and LaniArianna like this.
  9. dwayne1115

    dwayne1115 Well-Known Member

    Two guys where walking in a field and came to a giant hole. They wanted to see how deep the hole was so after looking around they found an anvil. They drug the anvil over to the hole and pushed it in. They never heard the anvil hit or anything, then from no where a goat comes running towards them, and jumps in the hole. Some time passes and a framer comes by yelling "Betty Betty" he asks the men if they had seen a goat. One of the men says "Yes but she jump into the hole." the farmer said "That's Impossible she was chained to an anvil."
  10. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Why are rock musicians so mean?
    They beat the drums and pick on the guitars.

    How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
    Shoot one.

    What do you do if your bass player is drowning?
    Throw him his amp.

    Did you hear about the drummer who finished college?
    Me neither.

    How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
    Just one, but he'll do it way too loudly.

    How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they've got machines for that now.

    What is "perfect pitch?"
    When you toss a trombone into the garbage can from twenty feet away.

    What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?
    They both suck when you plug them in.

    What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
    You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

    What's the difference between an onion and bagpipes?
    No one cries when bagpipes are getting chopped up.

    What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
    A flat miner.

    Why are violinist's fingers like lightning?
    They rarely strike the same place twice.

    What is the difference between a viola and a cello?
    The cello burns longer.

    What do you call a musician who broke up with his girlfriend?

    Why should saxophone players be buried six feet under?
    Deep down, they're really nice people.
  11. Mary Louise

    Mary Louise Well-Known Member

    If you found a $20 bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?

    Somebody else’s coat.
    LaniArianna and Dominicboo1 like this.
  12. Mo Frackle

    Mo Frackle Well-Known Member

    How did Ebeneezer Scrooge win the football game?

    The ghost of Christmas passed.
    Dominicboo1 likes this.
  13. snichols1973

    snichols1973 Well-Known Member

    There are two kinds of people in this world: those that can't count.
  14. MuppetSpot

    MuppetSpot Well-Known Member

    What's a ghost favorite dessert?
    Boo-Berry pie.
    MikaelaMuppet and Dominicboo1 like this.
  15. snichols1973

    snichols1973 Well-Known Member

    I went to the grocery store the other day and noticed a Disney Frozen dinner; it only turned out to be a dinner tray full of ice cubes, snow, and carrots....
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  16. Mo Frackle

    Mo Frackle Well-Known Member

    Hey, Pope John-Paul! And his brother, Pope George-Ringo!
  17. beatnikchick300

    beatnikchick300 Well-Known Member

    Not sure if this one has been used but...

    What's so great about living in Switzerland?

    Well, the flag is a big plus!
  18. Mo Frackle

    Mo Frackle Well-Known Member

    Why don't dinosaurs talk?

    Because they're dead.
  19. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    Here's one I just made up:

    What's Santa's favorite cut of fries?
  20. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Kris Kringle-cut fries!
    D'Snowth likes this.

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