The corny joke thread

[Princeton]

Some Christian humor...

A married couple were trying to have a baby, but to no avail. One day, the wife suggested going to their priest. The husband agreed, and off to the church they went. The priest said "Well, the most I can do is annoint you in oil. The problem with that is that all I have is 3-in-1". The couple agreed, and nine months later they had triplets. Upon hearing the news, the priest called to check on the couple. He said "Well, I'm glad everything worked out". The husband said "We are too, Father. But the REAL miracle is that you didn't use WD-40!"

a) Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?
b) Where in the Bible does it mention baseball?
c) What kind of a man was Boaz before he married Ruth?















a) Because Noah was standing on the deck.
b) Genesis 1:1- "In the big inning..."
c) He was Ruth-less.

 

[Faylo]

I have another one, but it kinda loses it's effect on the internet, but it's hilarious to do to someone:

Person 1: Knock Knock!
Person 2: Who's There?
P1: Interrupting Starfish.
P2: Interrup-
P1: *puts hand on P2's face*

 

[MartyMuppets]

A couple of explorers came across a fat man dressed in bright red clothing and big, black boots with a long, white beard and a wobbly pink nose in the middle of the African Jungle. His eyes were concealed under a red beanie cap and bushy, white eyebrows.
The explorers said to him, "Hey, you must be Santa Claus."
But he opened his mouth really wide revealing long, sharp canine teeth and quickly gobbled them up. Then wiping his mouth with his sleeve he burped and said, "Wrong. I'm Santa JAWS!"

 

[Pork]

ok...here goes.

A sausage and some bacon are frying in a pan.

sausage says to bacon "boy it's getting hot in here"

bacon thinks..."wow a talking sausage!"




'bows' 'dodges tomatoes' 'bolts off stage and hides'

 

[Beauregard]

Not really.

So does anyone want to take a guess at what the duck had in his mouth?

The chinese water fountain?

 

[MartyMuppets]

There were these two idiots.
One of them said to the other, "Hey. You wanna play a game?"
"Sure. I'd love to. What sort of game is it?"
"You put this blindfold on and kneel down on the floor and I'm gonna hit you over the head with some things and you have to tell me what they are."
"That sounds like a wonderful game." So they do it.
And then he gets a hammer. Hits him over the head with it. "Ow. That was a hammer."
And then he gets a bowling ball. Hits him over the head with it. "Ow. That was a bowling ball."
And then he gets a golf club. Hits him over the head with it. "Ow. That was a golf club."
"You're really very good at this. But now I'm gonna make it something really difficult."
So then he gets the Statue of Liberty-heh Hits him over the head with it. "Now can you tell me what that was?"
But the other one says nothing for he has been knocked unconscious.
"Well! How very rude you are! Fancy dropping off to sleep right in the middle of our game! That's not very nice at all!"

 

[D'Snowth]

The chinese water fountain?

You're a few days late and several dollars short Beau, Marty finally got it.

 

[MartyMuppets]

Yes I did. I just didn't have the heart to tell Beau myself plus I'm modest by nature.

 

[MartyMuppets]

What's the absolutely worst possible thing you can buy from a second-hand store?















































































Toilet Paper. eeeewwwww!

 

[Beakerfan]

OH, so gross!