When you need to rant...

OH NO! I CALL IDIOTZ FOOLS ALL THE TIME!!!

Wait... isn't it like, you can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery if you have a Tattoo? At least an Orthodox one?

I guess, I don't know, I'm Christian but I was never told tattoos were demonic. Obviously denominational differences!

It's basically a classic example of someone who doesn't like something and tries to find spiritual reasoning to deprive others of something they personally don't like. That's like pulling out a bible verse about fish to rationalize the fact they don't want someone to order anchovies on their pizza, when that person isn't going to eat it anyway.

I have this rant right now that Janice would probably sympathize with. It's when in school, when everyone's talking and it looks like they're never going to stop. Then when I say my first word, it's that exact moment everyone stops talking and I'm the only one with his mouth open.

What in the world IS this Sensa stuff? Seriously, I see NOTHING! I just see a bunch of weird people dancing out on a beach shaking a box of nothing onto their food and claiming they lost 40, 50, 60 pounds with the stuff... WHAT IS IT?! I DON'T SEE ANYTHING! IS IT INVISIBLE OR SOMETHING?!

I hate it when in your free time and you feel like you have nothing to do and get unbelievably bored. Every time it makes me want to scream my head off!

You know what I hate? I hate weaves, plastic surgery, implants, and make-up. I really do.

I think it's an insult to natural beauty, and the cause for conceeded people.


Weaves may be hair extentions, but they just don't look nice to me. They all come in the same color, and in the same style, which also illiminates uniqueness in people.

Make up is just a cover up. make up looks very nice on people. Really. But wearing to much can ruin your skin, or really, you just don't know how to wear it, or you think the world revolves around you, because you have Art on your face!

Plastic surgery isn't one of my main peeves, but I do admit it has the ability to replace bones in the event of severe facial damage. (Steve Wilkos, watch it.) But it just changes your face and you look... You just look wierd. Like, if it's intentional, it usually looks wierd. But if it is required, you look just fine. But still, it's just wierd. Look at Michael Jackson. he go plastic surgery, and it made his skin pale, and his face ugly. he's not cute like he used to be. (Or WAS 'cause he's dead... XP)

To put it the best way I can, Implants are just dumb. If men only like you because of the size of your... bosoms... Then you DO NOT need them.

I needed to just say that.

Shoplifters. 20 years ago I worked at Penney's, and it cheesed me off to no end when someone would come in our store with the intent to rip us off.

Actually this weekend marks the 20th anniversary of this little debacle. A gang of punks came in, acted obnoxious, spat on the floor, knocked over displays, harrassed other customers, and looked like they might pull something. A short time later, they were escorted out of the store by our store security, mall security, the Wayne Township police, and a thousand dollars' worth of merchandise. A few of us cheered as they were led out in handcuffs.
"Cuff 'em and stuff 'em!" And I took the liberty of yelling at one of them "That's what you get for being ****ing stupid!!!"

One of the cops actually took me aside and said "You shouldn't say that."
Okay. So maybe, just maybe, trying to rob a store and getting caught WASN'T stupid.
Tell you what, Mr. Petty Thief. If you're a minor, and you're at the police station, and you're waiting for your parents to come get you, OR if you're an adult and you're waiting for them to take you to the local jail until your hearing comes up, think things over for a while. If what you did wasn't stupid, take a good hard long look at yourself, and see where your brains got you. Okee doke?

I agree with the cop. I'm sorry, but you were wrong for shouting that in a store full of customers. That was extremely unprofessional on your part. I understand why you would do it, but you shouldn't have

Don't you just hate it when it's a weekend and you have nothing to do and you think that doing nothing on weekends are a waste of time?

I could'nt agree anymore
micheal jackson looked a lot nicer before he had all that work done...
alot of girls in my class wear makeup...they wear it because they are too insecure to show people what they really look like It's better to do stuff like that when your older...not ruin your childhood...Plastic surgery is stupid unless it's really nessasary like if you had an accident and your nose got broken and healed...weirdly... then getting plastic surgery would be fine but if you just want a nose job just because your nose is big is stupid...that's why I love barbra striesand! I'm not a huge fan of weaves and I perfer curly hair to straight...I don't know how to describe my hair but have it dyed red and straigtened all the time would look weird...my hairs not curly it's wavy and has a lotta kinks...oh well...

Not to worry. Luckily I was out of earshot of the other customers. But yelling proved to be a powerful deterrent. Why, the very next day, some other kid tried to steal a watch. But his conscience got the better of him. "Don't do it, Lefty! You might get busted, and on top of that, that fuzzygobo guy might yell at you!" And sure enough, he put the watch back. Smart move.

If there's one thing I regret from that day (and this has haunted me ever since!) was after the store closed, I failed to go down to the police station, to make sure the crook got a cup of hot chocolate, the cops read him a story and they tucked him in that night. That would've been the decent thing to do, and dadgummit I didn't do it! Shame on me!

After all, his day was bad enough. You wake up one morning, you and your budddies are bored and you don't know what to do with yourselves, so one of you decide "Hey! Let's go to the mall and knock off a store! Cool!"

And everything would've worked out fine if it hadn't been for all the cameras and the security guards (Those meddling goons! It's getting so a crook can't do an honest job anymore!). And if things didn't suck already, some guy has the unmitigated audacity to call you stupid right to your face. Not behind your back, but to your face! What a spineless wimp!

About a week later, the kid came back in exacting revenge. He came up to me and pointed a gun at me. "This is what you get for calling me ****ing stupid!" Fortunately for me, it was only a cap pistol. Unfortunately for him, he had it pointed the wrong way and beaned himself in the face.

Last I heard he tried to commit suicide- by jumping out of a basement window.
With a little luck, one of these days he'll get it right.

I'm sorry, but suicide is never a joking matter. I don't care how much you hate this guy, it really isn't right for you to want him to commit suicide. I'm sorry, but I think that's just wrong on your part.

That's just it. I know suicide's not a joke, but the last part was. Hopefully he went on to do something productive in society, and MAYBE smarten up a little.

Another infomercial, huh?

The problem is we all need exercise, and very little of it is fun because... well, most of it is supposed to simulate the hard work we used to have to do survive. Why are we out of shape now? We don't have to hunt our food or build shelter, and most of us who work don't need to do it with out bare hands out in the blazing sun for 12 hours at a time.

So basically we have these stupid music and or martial arts based things that look fun to do once... but to really be healthy, you have to do them every single day for the rest of your natural life.

I agree fully. Suicide is a VERY dark road, usually brought on by some onslaught of depression. It's too dark to joke about because any way you can tell a suicide joke, it comes off mean spirited. Almost bully-like.

There's humor in every situation, and to see the humor in something that dark is pretty ghoulish. The fact that internet trolls actually tell people to kill themselves and pass that off as a joke is a sad commentary on humanity.

However, if you can pull of an elaborate story about suicide, you can make it sort of funny... but it's so incredibly hard to pull off that I swear it has a 99% failure rate... and the punchline has to be the guy lives and gets over it in the end.

Examples...

That episode of the Simpsons where Homer tries to jump off a bridge, and almost sees his family get hit by a car and realizes its safe and that he has a higher calling.

The movie Igor, which features a suicidal rabbit that's immortal. Later on, he discovers he has a talent and higher calling. And I swear the only reason it worked was because Steve Buschemi pulled the character off flawlessly.

Now, they aren't uproarious, but when the ending is they all live in the end, the story works overall.

Other than that, it's almost as bad as the guy who says "Jump."

You know what else isn't of joking manner?

War. And Hogan's Heroes is a prime example of this, not only did it make war look like a big party where it was a great time had by all, but it also made the Nazis, among the most evil people in the world, look like lovable buffoons.

Another thing that isn't a joke is sexual assault. There's a YouTube Poop that has Sonic saying, "Kids, there's nothing more uncool than being *bleep*ed by your parents"... that is NOT funny, because I know someone who was an unfortunate victim of that very thing.

I don't believe that desk jobs should take over all labor, but I also don't believe that we should all go back to toiling in the fields. Not everyone is cut out to do that stuff.

As someone who has dealt with suicidal feelings and impulses, and is still trying to put them behind me, I would say that suicide is a subject that needs to be handled with great delicacy. I don't want it to seem like I'm piling on here- I've made my share of bad-taste cracks in the past and will make more in the future- but it's an issue that has to be dealt with carefully. I try to find the humor in my own situation, which is hard, but I think it's one of those things that should pretty much be off-limits for humor, like the aforementioned sexual assault, and I'd say that anyone who tries to mine physical abuse for humor needs to reconsider things as well.

Exactly.

But then again, things became too convenient and our DNA hasn't quite caught up yet. That's something NO one factors in or even mentions. But be thankful. The fact that our species no longer needs to work grueling hard hours to just survive because our ancestors already did that is worth it all the more.

Making Nazis look like buffoons is one thing, but making them lovable is quite another... though I do like Hetalia for the geopolitical satire the fangirls all drowned out. Still, for a real laugh at the series, check out the 1960's Mad Magazine parody Hokum's Heroes. Especially the ending.

The problem with that, like every other internet meme used in one of those things, everyone ruins it by doing it the wrong way. The joke used to be that Sonic gives the opposite advise... not because it's funny because of molestation, but the fact that it's the wrong thing to say. There's like 5 really good ones that use that, the other million times, it's used so wrong, it just doesn't work.