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Fan-Fiction: The Muppets' Mid-Age Crisis

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2008.

  1. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    I like the way Kermit swindled Robin in the end. Very nice.
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Pokey pokey, eggs and bacon... Update pwease?
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 8

    Kermit nobly rode atop his horse, finally having regained control thanks in part to more than one promise of a bag of oats (17 promises, to be precise).

    Fozzie the Comedian, Scooter the Squire, and Gonzo the Duke of Wherever walked alongside Kermit and the horse grudgingly, clothes notably tattered after chasing said horse through a patch of thorns the likes of which would pop even the flattest of egos.

    After a few moments of walking in silence, Fozzie looked up at the frog on the horse. “Um, Kermit?” he asked.

    Kermit looked down. “Yes Fozzie?”

    “Where are we going?” Fozzie asked sheepishly.

    Kermit pulled back on the reigns and stopped slowly, Fozzie and the others followed suit. He stared ahead silently. “Where are we going?” he asked, quite annoyed.

    “I told you we should’ve stopped for directions!” Scooter said.

    “HA!” Gonzo laughed. “Who needs direction? Life’s more fun while flying by the seat of your pants!”

    “But I’m not wearing pants,” Fozzie said.

    “And neither am I,” Kermit said, “so we’re stopping for directions.”

    “Good idea. Wish I’d thought of it,” Scooter said sarcastically.

    “Well where can we stop for directions?” Gonzo asked as the search party (searching for that chalice, remember?) resumed their trek. “We’re in the middle of a dank and dark wood!”

    At that moment, they emerged from the dank and dark wood and were staring at a small pub on the edge of an empty road.

    Gonzo’s eyes widened. “What a ridiculous coincidence!”

    “Come, my band of merry men! We shall away to yonder pub!” Kermit declared.

    “We’re not the band of merry men,” Fozzie said, “they are!” The bear pointed off in the distance to a grove where five extremely colorful men (one also notably a woman) stood clutching instruments and smiling.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. “Dr. Teeth, guys, this isn’t your scene!”

    “We are well aware,” Dr. Teeth said with a grin. “We just enjoy watching from the sidelines and providing dramatic rifts!”

    “Rully,” Janice said with a nod, “and, like, we totally wanted a drink. We’re parched!”

    “ALE! ALE!” Animal roared.

    Kermit frowned. “Fine. Just keep it down, will ya?” he asked.

    “No worries, my frog!” Floyd assured the knight. “We’ll be quieter than a rock band at a rap concert!”

    “Right,” Kermit said, “because both of those things have been invented…”

    Bidding farewell to the band that should’ve kept quiet, Kermit and the others carried on towards the pub. Kermit hopped down off the horse and tied him off on a stake posted in front of the small pub. As they approached the door they stopped to stare at a sign posted. “No shirt, no shoes, no comment,” Kermit read, “Your lifestyle is your choice, not ours.”

    “Huh!” Fozzie said. “Seems like a fancy place!”

    All of a sudden, a body was hurled through the glass window at the side of the pub and landed with a thud in the mud (nice, nice rhyme).

    “Seems like a pretty active place too!” Scooter declared, shirking away from the body.

    “Seems like my kind of place!” Gonzo shouted. “C’mon!” The Duke darted away from the group and ran through the door.

    “Gonzo!” Kermit called after him. “Sheesh! C’mon guys,” he said to Fozzie and Scooter.

    The inside of the pub was dark and smoky. In every corner, Kermit assumed, there was a villain waiting to come at him with a sword twice his size. He gulped quietly.

    “Where’s Gonzo?” Scooter asked, looking around.

    “WHA HA HA HA HA!” Gonzo screamed as he was flung through the air, colliding with Scooter. He bounced up enthusiastically. “Whoo! Kermit you have got to meet some of these guys! They’re great! Ha ha!”

    Kermit frowned. “No thanks,” he said. “I’m gonna go order and drink and take a look around, you guys stay out of trouble, alright?”

    Kermit strolled carefully in between the tables, dodging glances from thieves, hoodlums, monsters, and other all around bad guys.

    When he finally reached the bar at the other end of the room he sat down at a high chair and breathed a sigh of relief. He then glanced over and stared into some huge, yellowing teeth attached to a menacingly furry body. He shuddered and turned away.

    The bartender was standing with his back to the frog, wiping off a shelf. “Erm, excuse me?” Kermit asked.

    The bartender turned around and was revealed to be a furry brown dog with a shiny black nose and a wide grin. “Evenin’!” the dog said with a gruff, country accent. “What can I do ya for?”

    “Well, ya see, I’m Kermit the Frog, brave and valiant knight—and, well, my friends and I are on a noble journey—”

    “The only kind worth goin’ on,” the bartender quipped with a smirk.

    “Right, well, the thing is… we don’t exactly know where it is we’re trying to journey to,” Kermit said.

    “Hmm,” the dog said, picking up a large glass mug and wiping the inside of it. “Well… for starters, I’m Rowlf, Rowlf the Dog. Second, you look like you could use a drink.” he twirled the mug around in his hand, sloshed in a pint of ale, and slid the glass in front of Kermit.

    Kermit stared down at the foaming drink before him. “Sorry, but no thanks,” he said. “I’m driving.”

    Rowlf shrugged. “Suit yerself,” he said, pulling the drink back beneath the bar. “So tell me, where is it exactly that you need directions to?”

    “Well, you see, I’m trying to court a princess and become king!” Kermit said. “But in order to do so, I have to find the jeweled chalice of Queen Francis IV and return said chalice to the pedestal of insomniac royals, thus finally putting to sleep the souls of years of crabby relatives!”

    Rowlf stared at the frog. “Sounds like you’ve been rehearsin’ that,” he said.

    Kermit nodded. “I had to find someway to pass the time.”

    “Well lucky for you, Kermit, I happen to have heard a few rumors in my day,” Rowlf said, “and one of those rumors happens to be about that chalice you’re lookin’ for!”

    Kermit gasped happily. “You don’t say! Well, gee, that’s great! What do you—”

    Behind Kermit, the sound of a table breaking and glasses crashing filled the pub. Kermit frowned. He knew, immediately, who the cause of the problem was.

    He turned around and watched as Gonzo was cornered by half a dozen burly fellows with table rubble beneath their feet.

    Rowlf peered around Kermit’s shoulder and looked at Gonzo. “Friend’a yours?” he asked.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. “How’d you guess?”

    Rowlf shrugged. “Instinct,” he said.

    Kermit was entering panic mode by this time. “What should I do?”

    “There’s only one thing that’ll clear these thugs outta here,” Rowlf said.

    “What’s that?” Kermit asked.

    “A snappy song and dance number!” Rowlf said, coming out from behind the bar and moving toward a run-down wooden piano against the side wall.

    “Of course,” Kermit said, following the dog.

    Fozzie and Scooter ran up to the knight, also in a state of panic. “Ker-mit!” Fozzie whined. “What’re we gonna do?”

    “We need a snappy song and dance number,” Kermit said, “and fast!”

    “No sweat, boss man!” Scooter declared. “Fozzie and I know one by heart!”

    “The heck you say!” Kermit shouted.

    “No, really!” Fozzie said.

    “How is that possible?” Kermit asked.

    Scooter and Fozzie shrugged. “What else did you expect us to do while you were meeting with the princess?” Scooter asked.

    “Yeah, after the horse beat Gonzo in cards we had nothing better to do!” Fozzie said.

    “Whatever!” Kermit said. “Just dance!”

    Rowlf sat down at the piano and started playing an upbeat beat and Fozzie and Scooter followed with a dance that matched.

    The attention of the thugs in the bar was drawn toward the piano as Scooter danced to the front and Fozzie danced behind him.

    I may go out tomorrow
    If I can borrow
    A coat to wear,” Scooter sang.
    Oh, I’d step out in style
    With my sincere smile
    And my dancing bear!

    Outrageous, alarming,
    Courageous, charming,” the squire sang cheerfully.
    Oh who would think
    A boy and bear
    Could be well accepted
    It’s just amazing
    How fair people can be!

    Rowlf grinned as he tickled the ivories on the piano, getting into the song by dancing a little himself.

    The violent crowd’s faces of anger turned to faces of utter horror as the song continued.

    Seen at the nicest places
    Where well-fed faces
    All stop to stare,” Scooter continued.
    Making the grandest entrance
    Is Simon Smith and his Dancing Bear!

    They’ll love us!” Scooter declared.

    Won’t they?” Fozzie asked.

    They feed us!

    Don’t they?” Fozzie asked again.

    Oh, who would think a boy and bear
    Could be well-accepted everywhere
    It’s just amazing how fair
    People can be!” Scooter sang.

    As Rowlf took to his piano solo, Kermit watched as the crowd began to quickly dissipate out the front door of the pub.

    Oh who needs money?” Scooter sang.

    “When we’re funny!” Fozzie shouted. “Wocka! Wocka!”

    The great attraction everywhere
    Will be Simon Smith and his Dancing Bear—
    It’s Simon Smith, and his amazing…
    Dancing… Bear!” Scooter sang, holding the last note while Fozzie moved to the front to dance around.

    “Yes! Go Scooter!” Fozzie declared.

    “I will, Fozzie!” Scooter said happily, dancing alongside the bear.

    Kermit and Rowlf exchanged glances. “Erm, guys?” Kermit said.

    “Not now, Kermit, we’re dancing our scares away!” Fozzie said.

    “But they’re all gone,” Kermit said.

    Fozzie and Scooter stopped abruptly and looked around the now empty pub. “Oh,” they said together.

    Gonzo ran over, laughing. “That was great you guys!” he laughed. “But did ya have to scare away the others? They were just about to let me have it!”

    “Sheesh,” Kermit said, shaking his head. “Now, Rowlf, about that rumor…”
  4. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member


    And the Electric Mayhem, and just how quiet they'll be... and the thugs! SIMON SMITH!


    <GLOMP> Very nice chapter. VERY nice indeed.

    MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
  5. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Update! Update!

    The pub just being there... You "borrowed" from LTS fof that? Just make sure you return it, they need that plane to get to the North Pole. Though I thought it'd make more sense if they simply booked passage on the Polar Express.

    The pub... You "borrowed" from the El Sleazo did you? Good to finally find Rowlf there. *Wonders if the man tossed out at the beginning of the scene in Prawny's fic was the El Sleazo's Owner too.

    Simon Smith... Heard that coming from a mile away. Felt that long since the last chapter was posted.

    Electric Mayhem cameo... Extra icing on the chapter.

    Now post more! *Blasts :zany: :zany: :zany: into Prawny to get him to post.
  6. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    That was cute. :)

    I particularly liked the El Sleazo homage.

    You know what you need? You need that Muppetmonkey guy to draw this fic.
  7. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yes... Just like I need him or some other talented forum friend Muppet illustrator for a secret Sesame project. :search:
  8. AnimatedC9000

    AnimatedC9000 Well-Known Member

    Wow, what an amazing new chapter! The EM was in it! And so was Rowlf! And we FINALLY had a song and dance number! Wow! When's the next chapter coming up?
  9. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    But why make sense when it's more profitable to make dollars?

    On behalf of my Half... <pulls out a crystal ball> The next chapter... will come... <stares deeply into ball> ...OWWW! Headache! Headache, headache, headaaaaache! Remind me not to stare so hard. But the next chapter is coming, um... eventually! ...Right. Now I get back to reading Chaucer like a good little girl.
  10. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    You mean more like three good little girls? ;() Chaucer, the guy who told his story by having each character tell their own little story to pass the time until they got to wherever it was they were going in the first place. So where were they going anyway? :o I don't know, I think it was over that rainbow, or maybe to the rainbow's end... How am I supposed to know! I didn't write the thing! Scooooooter! ! !
  11. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    hooray! an update! I have definitely been missing fan fiction in the past few weeks. I hope everyone posts updates soon! I love that Rowlf is the bartender and now part of the story. Perfect tie-in to "Simon Smith". Keep up the great work and I encourage all fan-fic writers to update soon.

    *after my big appellate brief assignment is turned in; I'm starting my Calendar Girl series i've been wanting to write, but until then.. :cry:I need new updates.."Amazon? Moi? Kermie's Girl, Change of Heart, Together Again,a Muppet fan-fiction... i am begging for new updates to all these great stories and all the others soon!:cry:
  12. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Def looking forward to your Calendar Girl series... Just hope it's erm, readable. *Nervous smilie.
  13. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    haha, oh it will. I'm really excited because I have the first three Miss Piggy Calendars from 80-82 and all of the pics and comments are great. I hope to post pics to go along with the stories, but until my huge writing assignment is done sometime in March, i definitely won't have time to write it; all the more reason to anxiously await updates from all the awesome fanfic writers!

    Please update soon everyone!
  14. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yes... Got some thoughts for the models of my own, but it keeps playing out into unsure doubts within the grander schemes of the castle's counted cast. Looking forward to your Calendar series as maybe that'll give me some inspiration for mine. Also, dunno if it's all of Ru's ushgush and from others, but I find at times wanting a rully good/dirty romance story. Heh, oh well.

    *Leaves muffins for Prawny, no, not the ones with the award winner's name in an envelope the Swedish Chef made last year. :zany:
  15. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Fires photon torpedo at Mr. Weirdo, er Prawn. Post more story soon-ish!
  16. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 9

    Having successfully been given a tour of the castle and those who reside in it (and having done so while the omniscient narrator was coincidentally grabbing a bite to eat from Maroni’s Macaroni Emporium—highly recommended. You know—the place down on Third Street? I met a really cute waitress there once, we talked, I left her my phone number… but unfortunately she thought it was the tip. I knew I should’ve never started writing commas instead of hyphens when I write phone numbers. It’s dangerous, I tell ya!), Robin the Nephew of Kermit the Brave and Valiant Knight and Sweetums the Captain of the Guard made their respective ways into the throne room.

    “Gee, Sweetums,” Robin said cutely, “thanks so much for showin’ me around the castle! I didn’t realize it was so big!”

    Sweetums nodded his shaggy head. “Yup, the Princess’s servants need a lot of room,” the monster guard said.

    “Why’s that?” Robin asked curiously.

    “So they can hide from the Princess, of course!” Sweetums said with a chuckle.

    The large door across the throne room from where Robin and Sweetums were talking pushed open loudly. Sweetums gulped. “Speakin’ of hiding,” he said, “ya better get behind me, little buddy!”

    “Why?” Robin asked.

    “The rest of the castle doesn’t exactly know you’re here… so for now it’s just a good idea if you stay hidden,” Sweetums explained, pushing the little frog behind his leg.

    Sam strutted himself in to center of the throne room and approached Sweetums, not knowing of the little frog hiding behind the burly monster. “Good day, captain Sweetums! All fine and under control here in the kingdom, I assume?” the eagle asked.

    Sweetums nervously cleared his throat. “Yes sir, everything’s all under control! Nothing’s amiss! Everything’s a frog—er… everything’s… just fine!”

    “Good, captain Sweetums, good!” Sam said. “You know we’re being more and more cautious nowadays—what with that untrustworthy frog being within our midst earlier.”

    “I thought he was trustworthy,” Sweetums mumbled.

    “Hmph!” Sam scoffed. “Hardly. He was eyeing everything with a mind to steal it, I’m sure of it. What we should have is insurance!”

    “I thought we already got plague insurance if we were employed here,” Sweetums said.

    “Plaque insurance?” Sam asked. “No, no, no! We don’t get dental! Only health! I’m saying we need castle insurance!”

    Sweetums scratched his helmeted head. “Why would we need castle insurance?” he asked.

    Sam sighed heavily. “So we’re insured when the frog steals everything once he becomes king!” Sam explained.

    “So you do think the frog’ll win?” Sweetums asked.

    “I said no such thing!” Sam said, offended.

    “Sure ya did!” Sweetums said. “You said once he becomes king he’ll steal everything!”

    Sam frowned and stared down at the floor. “Yes, I guess I did say that,” he mumbled. “But I did not mean to imply that he would indeed become king.”

    “Hey!” Robin shouted, unable to control himself any longer. “My Uncle Kermit is the best choice for king! He’s brave, and valiant, and… brave and valiant!” Robin declared, now moved out from behind Sweetums’ leg. “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about!”

    Sweetums bit his bottom lip (this is no easy task when, for starters, your bottom lip is your only lip, and also when your mouth is as big as Sweetums’). He coughed nervously, pushing Robin back behind his leg. “Nasty cough I’ve got, huh boss? Sounds just like a little bitty frog insulting your intellect! I don’t know where I got it! Good thing we have health insurance!”

    Sam looked from the small green frog that disappeared behind Sweetums’ ankle to the captain of the guard’s face. “Something does not seem right here!” Sam declared. “The insulting frog cough allergy isn’t in season!” Sam stared at Sweetums, piercing the monster’s resolve. “How did you catch it?”

    Sweetums blinked. He coughed again quickly. “Erm… dunno, boss. Maybe I should see the medic?”

    “You can not see the medic,” Sam said. “He succumbed to insulting frog cough just last spring, remember?” Sam sighed mournfully and shook his head. “Such a shame… with his last words he told me I was a terrible employer and needed a toupee… whatever that may be.”

    “Wait a sec…” Sweetums said, “Didn’t the medic just transfer castles?”

    Sam stared for a moment, thinking about this. “That would explain why he never entered the frog phase of the insulting frog cough allergy…”

    The eagle shook his head fiercely. “Never mind all this nonsense!” he said. “Return to your post, captain Sweetums! We must be ever vigilant!” Sam nodded once then turned to leave the throne room.

    As soon as the bird was out of ear shot, Sweetums let out a relieved sigh. “That was close, Robin… don’t put me in that position again, alright, little buddy?”

    There was no response from the little frog.

    “Little buddy?” Sweetums asked, turning around.

    As he turned, he realized (quite suddenly, actually) that Robin was, indeed, not standing there any longer.

    Sweetums gulped. “Well… that’s not good.”

    <-> <-> <-> <-> <->

    Robin had meandered casually (and unknowingly) into the menagerie in the back yard of the castle. (Do castles have back yards?) He was marveling at the ornate topiaries and plants scattered throughout when a door at the base of a massive tower flew open.

    A small red lobster, a large green… blob, and a goat darted out (we know these objects as Polly, Monty, and Clueless) of the door, arguing with each other (of course).

    Robin watched this for a moment and then realized that this arguing mob was coming right towards him.

    The three bodies collided with the little frog and all three of them wound up on the ground in a heap.

    “Geez, watch it will ya?” Polly said, jumping up and dusting himself off with his claw. “We’re tryin’ to—” Polly stopped. He observed the little green frog he landed on. “Say… you’re a frog, ain’t ya?”

    Clueless helped Robin up (because that’s just the kind of person Clueless is) and the little frog collected himself. “Um… yeah, I guess so,” Robin said. “Who… are you?”

    “We’re Clueless and—” Clueless started (before Polly stomped on his toe).

    “Yeah, just clueless!” Polly said quickly. “We’re kinda lost… any idea which way we should be going?”

    Robin scratched his head. “Well… I guess that depends on where you’re trying to get.”

    “Good point,” Mad Monty said.

    “Quiet, Monty!” Polly hissed. “Uhh… we’re lookin’ for… the food court!”
    “Ooh!” Clueless shouted eagerly. “I hope they have a Sbarro!”

    Polly, Mad Monty, and Robin stared at Clueless. “What?” Clueless asked. “I like pizza slices as big as my head!”

    “Erm…” Robin said nervously, trying to keep character. “What’s… what’s pizza?” he asked, very obviously trying to get the time-line back on track.

    “You’ve never had pizza?” Clueless asked. “Boy,” the dumb goat laughed, “he has no idea what he’s missing!”

    “I know what you’re missin’!” Polly shouted. “About four dozen brain cells!”

    “I’ve been looking for those!” Clueless said.

    Polly rolled his eyes. “See what I mean?”

    “Yeah…” Robin said nervously. “Um… I don’t think there’s a food court here. Sweetums—my friend, Sweetums, the captain of the guard—took me on a tour of the whole castle and I didn’t see one.”

    Polly gulped audibly. “Y—you’re friends with… the captain of the guard?” he asked.

    “Oh, yeah!” Robin said. “He calls me his little buddy!”

    “Ya… ya don’t say,” Polly said, laughing nervously. “Well it’s been nice talkin’ to ya, kid! Sorry we’ve got to run—fast! Ha ha! Uh… bye!”

    Polly began to run off away from Robin while Clueless and Monty stood still. Polly muttered something foul and ran back. “That means run, you idiots!”

    “Oh!” Clueless said. “Sorry. You weren’t very specific.”

    “I said ‘we’ve got to run—fast!’” Polly shouted.

    “Oh,” Monty said. “I missed that.”

    Robin watched as the three bumbling fools bumbled off in the distance.

    “Well that was weird,” the little frog said to himself.

    As he started to walk off Robin’s eyes caught the door the three fools had burst through earlier. His innate, five year old curiosity overcame him and he slowly began to move towards the door, forgetting entirely the fate of the cat who succumbed to curiosity before him.

    He reached up his little green hand and turned the door knob, staring in awe at the huge expanse of stairs before him.
  17. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    <GLOMPS the cute little Robin!>

    <makes lots of incomprehensible noises> <GRINS>

    I love that little guy.

    And I love Sweetums trying to get them out of trouble... only to LOSE the little guy. <shakes head>

    And, Robin... Those were the bad guys. You should've hidden in an apple barrel. And you probably SHOULDN'T climb those stairs... although it would be fairly adorable if you hung out halfway up them... But then you would have to know how far it was to the top, which would not be a wise thing to find out, methinks.

    (And I love your parentheses.)

    MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hey Prawn... Sorry I didn't bump this for ju. But is okay story... It needs more to be posted okay? Ju post more soon, or we will come after Ju and um, force feed ju da cooking man's yuchy food okay. Post more! ! !
  19. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    Yay Robin!
  20. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    woo-hoo! An update! I liked it. Definitely excited to see how Robin is going to interact with everyone in the castle, and how Kermit is doing on his quest!

    Great Job! Please post more soon!

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