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Fan-Fiction: The Muppets' Mid-Age Crisis

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2008.

  1. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Have I mentioned lately that Beau is AWESOME? Because Beau is AWESOME. :D *glomp* Thanks man! SO much!
  2. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    Hooray, another update!

    Very nice work as always; I love the modern references and how Kermit gets Gonzo to lie for him because he thinks he shouldn't, haha

    Great choice of the MTI pirate puppets as henchmen, it's working out very nicely.

    Can't wait to hear more, post more soon please!

    :)
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 13
     
    “Hey, Johnny?”
     
    “What is it Sal?”
     
    “Are ya still afraid of the dark?”
     
    “Shaddup!” Johnny Fiama said, punching the monkey in the arm. “So… ya think we shoulda gone in there with the others?”
     
    Sal shrugged. “I dunno, Johnny…”
     
    “I mean… we did have a good excuse not to go in,” Johnny said.
     
    “You were scared?” Sal asked.
     
    “No!” Johnny shouted. “I… had to tie my shoe! But… now I‘m startin‘ to think we shoulda gone in--sounds like fun in there!”
     
    “But… Sweetums and Robin just came runnin’ outta there!” Sal said.
     
    “Yeah, but the others didn’t!” Johnny argued. “That could only mean one of two things, Sal.”
     
    “What two things, Johnny?” Sal asked.
     
    “Either there’s some evil wizard in there who cast a spell on Bobo and the others, leaving only Robin and Sweetums to narrowly escape, hiding out in this eerie, dark tower--or Sweetums and Robin really didn’t like the appetizers whoever’s in there was servin’.” Johnny said.
     
    Sal stared at Johnny. “Well the first option doesn’t even make sense!” he said.
     
    “Exactly--so it’s gotta be the appetizers,” Johnny said with a resentful sigh.
     
    Both Sal and Johnny turned and stared at the door.
     
    “It’s just horrible, Johnny,” Sal said. “Servin’ bad appetizers like that--it’s just not fair!”
     
    “I know, Sal, I know,” Johnny said, shaking his head solemnly. “And the worst part of it all is that Bobo, Crazy Harry, Andy, and Randy are still stuck in there sufferin’ through those disgustin’ appetizers! And they probably don’t even realize it!” Johnny moaned.
     
    “Whadaya mean, Johnny?” Sal asked.
     
    “It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Johnny asked. “Bobo will eat anything--Andy and Randy are too dumb to realize the appetizers are bad--and Crazy Harry’s crazy, Sal, he’s crazy!”
     
    Sal bit his bottom lip, holding back an outburst. “You’re right, Johnny! You’re right! They’re in there sufferin’ and we’re just standing out here doin’ nothin’!”
     
    Johnny stood up straight and puffed out his already-puffed-out chest. “That’s it, Sal, we’re goin’ in there, and we’re savin’ ‘em!”
     
    “Are ya sure, Johnny?” Sal asked.
     
    “I’ve never been more sure about anything before this, Sal!” Johnny declared. “Nobody deserves to eat bad appetizers!”
     
    “Yeah!” Sal shouted, suddenly motivated. “Let me at ‘em! I’ll make those appetizers wish they’d never been made!”
     
    Johnny and Sal shouted in unison and burst through the door into the tower room.
     
    <-> <-> <-> <-> <->
     
    Sweetums and Robin barreled through the castle corridors, bursting through doors and pushing past anyone who stood in their way.
     
    Until Sam Eagle stood in their way in front of the huge door that led to the throne room.
     
    “Halt!” the blue bird shouted. “And just where do you think you are going?” Sam asked, glaring up at Sweetums with his always-scowling expression. The royal advisor looked down at little Robin and cocked his head to the side. “And who is this?”
     
    “No time to explain,” Sweetums said between heavy pants (how he got between two heavy pairs of pants is an entirely different story). “We need to talk to the kings--immediately!”
     
    Sam was visibly taken aback as he gasped. “The kings?” he asked in a hushed whisper (can there be a loud whisper?). “Of… of the kingdom? Absolutely out of the question!” he declared. “They cannot be mattered with such trivial matters as… erm… What exactly was your trivial matter?”
     
    “It’s not trivial!” Robin shouted. “It’s--it’s--Well… it’s a really big deal!”
     
    The eagle peered down his curved beak at Robin once again. “Did anyone ever tell me who you are?” Sam asked.
     
    “I’m Robin,” Robin said (what? You expected the Easter Bunny to say that?). “I’m the nephew of Kermit the Frog--brave and valiant knight!”
     
    Sam stared at the little frog. “Do you mean that overly-eager frog who came in here earlier and literally swept the princess right off of her feet?” he asked.
     
    Robin nodded. “That sure sounds like my Uncle Kermit!” he declared proudly.
     
    “Uch!” Sam shouted. “What an obnoxious, disgusting little fellow he was! He undermined my authority and declared himself a better match for the princess than my choice--Prince Link Hogthrob--a prince!”
     
    “That’s great, boss,” Sweetums said, “but we really don’t have time for this--we really need to talk to--”
     
    “My Uncle Kermit is not obnoxious--or disgusting!” Robin shouted. “He’s brave… and valiant! And pretty soon he’s gonna be the king and you’ll have to listen to him!”
     
    Sam scoffed. “The day I take orders from a frog is the day that pigs fly!” he said.
     
    “Well that day’s comin’ soon!” Robin said. “When my Uncle Kermit comes back with that chalice, your pig princess is going to fly right into his arms!”
     
    “Enough of this foolishness!” Sam declared, waving his wings about. “Captain Sweetums, please remove this frog from our castle at once!”
     
    “I can’t!” Sweetums said. “I have to talk to the kings!”
     
    Why?” Sam asked.
     
    Sweetums sneered at the eagle. “Do I really need a reason?” he growled. “I’m Captain of the Guard--if I think the kingdom is in danger, shouldn’t I have the authority to tell the kings that?”
     
    Sam quickly opened his mouth to rebuttal but nothing came out (except for a lot of hot air) (but what else comes out of Sam’s mouth?) (HA!). He adjusted himself and looked up at Sweetums. “Fine,” he said begrudgingly, “but the kings do not like having their time wasted--so this had better be good.”
     
    Sam pushed open the door into the throne room and motioned for Sweetums and Robin to follow behind him.
     
    “Wait a second,” Robin said, looking around the room again. “Sweetums… if there’s more than one king… why is there only one throne in the throne room?”
     
    “That’s the princess’s throne,” Sweetums explained, “the kings don’t get out much anymore… They’re too old to effectively rule the kingdom, so they put the princess in charge.”
     
    Robin frowned. “Well if the princess is in charge, what do the kings do all day?”
     
    “Heckle,” Sweetums said bluntly.
     
    “You mean--” Robin started.
     
    Sweetums shrugged. “How else were we gonna shoe-horn ‘em into this story?” he asked (making a very good, very well-founded point).
     
    Sam led Sweetums and Robin into a room down another long corridor. The room was dark and led into another room guarded by two, huge crimson doors with gold trim and an ornate design on the front.
     
    Sam knocked once and waited. After a few seconds he looked at Sweetums and Robin. “We may enter,” he said.
     
    “How do you know?” Robin asked.
     
    “If they didn’t throw anything at the door… it means we’re safe to come in,” Sam explained.
     
    “Ah,” Robin said with a gulp. “Sweetums… are these guys mean?”
     
    Sweetums shrugged. “Only if you’re tryin’ to be funny,” he said.
     
    Sam led the two of them into the room. Robin was staring at the bases of two very long beds centered in the room, with a decrepit old man resting at the head of each.
     
    “Your majesties, King Statler and King Waldorf, I present to Sweetums, Captain of the Guard, and… Robin the Frog,” Sam introduced the frog and the monster.
     
    Robin gulped again and took a step forward. “Hi there! I’m Robin! Pleased to meet you!”
     
    King Statler and King Waldorf exchanged glances.
     
    We’d be pleased if you hopped outta here!” King Statler (balding, lanky, with a light grey unibrow, a large, curved nose, and a massive chin) hollered.
     
    “Yeah,” King Waldorf (also balding, stubby, with a white mustache protruding from underneath his large, round nose) said, “this is our lily pad!”
     
    “Do ho ho ho!” they both laughed.
     
    Robin scrunched up his face. “But… we have urgent news for the kings!”
     
    “Heh,” King Statler scoffed. “As if we’d have time for you.”
     
    “But Sweetums told me you don’t do anything anymore!” Robin said.
     
    “Yeah, anymore!” King Waldorf said.

    “We’ve had our fill!” King Statler added.
     
    “What do you mean by that?” Robin asked.
     
    “It is required of every king that he walk abroad around his kingdom!” King Statler said.
     
    “And if that king does not this in life, he is condemned to do so after death,” explained King Waldorf.
     
    “To witness what he cannot share--”
     
    “And to haunt and heckle the peasants until he’s blue in the face!”
     
    “Do ho ho ho!” they both laughed.
     
    “Wait a second!” Robin interrupted. “You’re… you’re dead?”
     
    “Our bodies aren’t,” King Waldorf responded.
     
    “But our capacity to give a darn about anything sure is!” King Statler added.
     
    “Do ho ho ho!” they both laughed.
     
    We’re royal and kingly,” they both started singing.
    Peasants, cooks, and queens--
     
    All bow before our royal feet,
    Giving us their livestock,” King Statler sang
     
    Our special breed of kingly ways
    Makes them all devout
    ,” they harmonized.
     
    But if you ever disobey,
    We’ll simply throw you out!” King Waldorf sang as King Statler laughed menacingly.
     
    “How about that year we banished all of the lepers?” King Waldorf asked.
     
    King Statler chuckled. “I remember the ugly scamps all freezing in the snow!”
     
    “With their lifeless, frost-bitten limbs!” King Waldorf added.
     
    Both kings laughed heartily, then looked at each other and shuddered.
     
    We’re royal and kingly,
    Some think our hearts are black.
     
    It’s not our fault we get the blame,” sang King Statler.
    For things that we can’t handle.
     
    Perhaps we kept the plague vaccine
    And hid it from the rest.

     
    Bubonic comes, bubonic goes,” King Waldorf reasoned.
    But we’ve withstood the test.
     
    We’re royal and kingly…
    We’re royal and kingly!

     
    “True,” King Waldorf said, “there is something about ruling this kingdom that we love!”
     
    “I think that it’s the princesses!” King Statler added.
     
    “Do ho ho ho!”
     
    Old men, we’re old for all time!” they sang.
     
    Our future’s full of checker boards
    And women past their prime!
    ” sang King Waldorf.
     
    We’ve had our fun, our reign is done
    Now we live you heckle YOU!

     
    We’re royal and kingly…
    We’re royal and kingly!
    We’re royal and kingly,
    And now it’s time to start.

     
    So let us hear this big complaint,” King Statler sang.
     
    This thing that just can’t be stalled,” added King Waldorf.
     
    This news you share must make aware--
     
    Your purpose here right now.
     
    So make it quick.”
     
    And make it stick.”
     
    Or else we’ll have a cow!”
     
    I’ve been tryin’ to,” Sweetums muttered. “But you keep singin’!”
     
    We’re royal and kingly!
    Whooooooa!”
    they sang.
     
    “See what I mean?” Sweetums grumbled.
     
    We’re royal and kingly…
    We’re royal and KINGLY!”
     
    “SPEAK!” they both shouted at the end of the song.
     
    Sam applauded heartily. “Encore! Encore! Yes! Just wonderful, your majesties! Bravo!” he cheered.
     
    Sweetums rubbed his forehead. “Long day…” he mumbled.
  4. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    Oh Prawnie. I love you. :p

    The re-write of Marley and Marley... VERY nice. And poor Sweetums. <climbs ladder> <ruffles monster's hair (fur?)> <climbs back down> <pats Robin's head> <ahem>

    And SAM, is just PERFECT here. AND! Statler and Waldorf. They are very... Statler-and-Waldorfian. ...Yes.

    AND! Johnny and Sal. Yes, boys, the trouble is all from the fact that Uncle Deadly tried to serve my mom's infamous spinach squares, and made the mistake of announcing what they were before anyone ate any. (Really, they taste surprisingly good... And coming from the girl who grew up on peanut butter and french fries, that's saying a LOT.)

    <ahem> I love this story. Now keep it up before I pass you in chapters. ;)

    MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
  5. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    I couldn't agree with TogetherAgain more! The update was hilarious, with a perfect fit for Statler and Waldorf!. The re-make of the song was fabulous!

    Ridiculously funny as always, and robin's little comments to Sam were wonderful!

    Please post more soon!:)
  6. WhiteRabbit

    WhiteRabbit Well-Known Member

    Ryan...

    ...I got's to mention it again: you ooze of brilliance and hilarity...

    ...and I ooze of Play Doh conveniently molded into apple pie...

    ...please don't ask me what I'm on...

    ...painted Studebaker smells good...


    ............add more soon. :halo: :halo:
  7. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Hello Mr. Prawn sir.

    So I have been just horrible about keeping up with this here story and I owe you some reviews and muffins and cookies and I don't know what else. Please know, I have loved what I've read, I'm ashamed to admit I have some catching up to do, but I will do so and I will review in more detail soon. With all the drama filled stories this summer, it's refreshing to read some humor in your writing, which you are SO good at.

    Sincererly,

    Your apparently extremely lazy excuse for a friend
    Beth the Boober of Red girls...or something like that.
  8. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    Took me a minute to figure out where the song came from ... a short minute (only about 60 seconds long, y'know).

    This was great! Loved the choices for the kings and loved the conversation!
  9. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Dear Beth, the Gurl of Boober the Red (or something),

    BETH! ! ! I wondered where you had gotten yourself off to! ;) I was worried Uncle Deadly had captured you and I forgot to mention that in the chapter. :p

    Please don't be ashamed or distraught or apologetic! I completely understand (first-hand, even) that real life (*gasp! ! ! !*) gets in the way and distracts. Don't feel bad at all, Beth! It's just good to know you're still reading! :D

    And *I* have to take some of the blame here... I figured you got tired of waiting for updates to come sporadically--which I wouldn't blame at all. But I hereby make a pledge to be better about posting chapters sooner!

    Sincerely and Insanely yours,
    The extremely lazy excuse for a writer who apparently now has a social life... De Prawn
  10. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Jou had BETTER, hokay! Otherwise I will overtake you in number of chapters, and ze posting races will RESUME! ...After a hiatus of approximately four years, during which I guess I had a life or something... Weird.
  11. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Ain't it funny how as soon as you seem to no longer have I life I seem to have picked one up? We really ARE other halves. (As if we weren't already...)
  12. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Si... We do seem to tag-team it...

    ...So that means you'll have lots of free time on your hands in the last two weeks of July while I'm off gallivanting in Colorado and California, right?
  13. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *blink* Apparently. Does it also mean that while you're reaching the highest, most monumental fan peak imaginable, I'll be... dead?
  14. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    ...Only MOSTLY dead... or just really, REALLY bored.
  15. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Great... :rolleyes: Jou better mention my name! At LEAST three times!

    ...You know, if it comes up. :D
  16. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    If it comes up. Naturally. Minimum of three... got it. Say "Chest of Drawers" three times. Can-do.
  17. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *mutters* Yeah, yeah, yeah... but if you get him to sign anything for me he can CERTAINLY call me that. :p
  18. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    <Taking notes> Got it... autograph made out to "That"...
  19. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Oh, great, real nice, yes! Have one of my idols make out an autograph to THAT. PERFECT! JOY! RAPTURE! I'll just DIE of boredom and all I'll get is THAT.
  20. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    ...Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want a T-shirt?


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