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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Whoa, what a great chapter.

    Scared for J.P. and Scooter as they've been dragged or drugged as the case may be into two separate tortures: the uncle to suffer the effects of that syrum, and the gofer left alone in the dark to his own devices.
    Is that a reference there? Eh, who knows.

    Uncle Deadly... Superb. He simply has to learn how to manipulate the fires and I'm squeeing that Skeeter will be there to help him. Nice references to that creep from Sometimes It's Better To Go.

    The musical number, heh, funny schtuff there... Wonder if they'll get to wherever it is they're going in one piece. Where are they going to anyway?
    Like that girl keeps saying... More please!
  2. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    That's a good question. I'm not even sure they know...:p

    Oh, and I'll give a muffin to anyone who can name the movie that the song in Chapter 8 came from.
  3. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    *in Animal voice* I know! I know! It is from A Goofy Movie, with some hilarious muppet modifications! No, may I have a blueberry muffin?
    I love this story, and am very excited to see what happens next!
  4. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Ah! Yes you are correct miss! And here's your prize and one of a kind (okay, not really) blueberry muffin! Enjoy! :crazy:
  5. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Ooh! I love that song! I haven't seen A Goofy Movie in years. Anyway, it fit really well with the scene you created! :)

    The other parts are so intense, I just love what you're creating here, it's like one minute we're horrified and the next minute it's all fun and carefree and I love it!!!
  6. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Okay, first off, the whole... tap-dancing elves, cure for Rudolph's nose... all that... H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S! But OOH, JP! Ohhh that worries me somehow. But since you know what I think of the SKeet/Deadly scene, and the song has been thoroughly raved all ready... I'll just say- I love Gonzo's line at the end. "Wow! What a wild ride!" And methinks that describes the whole story! YAY!

    MORE PLEASE! (But for the love of peanut butter, would you let me catch up? :p)
  7. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 9

    "Hey, hey Polly, tell me again, what are we doing here?"

    "You numbskull! We’re here to help out that creepy zombie guy, and get a good share of cash out of it!"


    "You have no idea who I’m talking about, do you?"

    "Hello? Clueless Morgan, ring any bells?"

    "Your heads been ringin’ all your life..."

    Benny Vandergast walked in, dragging a struggling J.P. Grosse behind him. Polly Lobster and Clueless Morgan stared up at Benny’s gray face.

    "What are you two morons staring at?" Benny shouted at them.

    "Oh! Nothing! Nothing Mr. Vandergast sir!" Polly said as Clueless cowered behind him.

    "Yes, yes, we would never stare at your hideously colored and misshapen face!" Clueless told the zombie.

    Benny lowered his eyebrows at the goat. "Quiet, quiet, quiet!" Polly nudged Clueless.

    "Just shut up and get the ropes and chair." Benny glared down at the two nitwits.

    "Right! Yes sir!" Polly and Clueless darted about the room.

    "Is this it?"

    "Dumby! That’s spaghetti!"

    "Oh right."

    J.P. sighed. "It’s so hard to find good help these days."

    "You’re tellin’ me," Benny said.


    "Uncle Kermit, I just thought of something." Robin shifted his weight uneasily.
    Kermit smiled at his nephew. "What’s that Robin?"

    "Um, we have no idea where we’re going."

    Kermit frowned. "Oh good grief, I knew we forgot something..."

    "Don’t worry Kermit," Clyde told the frog. "I’m sure Mrs. Bear will get us somewhere."

    The bus drove partially off the road, knocking over a road sign. "Speed limit?!" Emily laughed. "Who puts a limit on FREEDOM?! Ha ha!"

    Kermit frowned. "Oh she’ll get us somewhere all right...The local hospital..." Kermit walked to the front of the bus and was flown into the seat next to Rowlf when Emily changed lanes, all four of them.

    "Nice of you to drop in buddy," Rowlf told the frog.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Oh Mrs. Bear!" Kermit shouted at Emily.

    "Yeah, what is it lizard?" Emily asked, without breaking eye/pavement contact with the road.

    "We need to pull off at the next rest area or gas station," Kermit told her.

    Emily turned the bus hard to the right to get around a school bus. "Oh? And why’s that? We’re makin’ great time!"

    "Does Animal have to go to the bathroom again?" Fozzie asked.

    "No, no," Kermit shook his head. "It’s just, we need to actually figure out where we’re going."

    Rowlf frowned. "You can’t be serious."

    "I know that’s a little strange for me Rowlf, but this time I am." Kermit told the dog.

    "Oh! Look there mister lizard! Got a rest stop twenty miles ahead!" Emily shouted, referring to a street sign.

    "Oh good," Kermit said. "Just get off when the turn comes."

    "We’ll be there in thirty seconds!" Emily floored the gas pedal, sending all the Muppets flying forward, including Gonzo, who crashed into the front windshield.

    "Wow! What a great driver you are Mrs. Bear!" Gonzo said as he fell from the glass.

    "Hey! Look there, now it’s not a windshield, it’s a weird shield! Ahh!" Fozzie delivered.

    "Good grief," Kermit sighed.


    Skeeter stared down at Uncle Deadly’s crackling fire. "You can turn this thing into a TV?"

    "Not exactly," Uncle Deadly said, poking the wood with a prong. "We don’t get a good reception on ABC."

    "Figures," Skeeter mumbled. She looked back at her unconscious boyfriend. "Are you sure he’s okay?"

    "He’s fine," Deadly reassured her. "Quieter, like I said, but he’s fine. He’ll wake up soon, I just had to keep him quiet."

    Skeeter nodded. "At least someone found a way to do it," she sat down in front of the fire and stared into it. "But why do you need me?"

    "I think I may need the DNA of the person I’m trying to see in the fire,"
    Deadly tossed some oddly colored powder into the flames.

    "So...You want my DNA so you can see...Me?" Skeeter asked.

    "Not quite," Deadly told her. "I want your DNA so I can see your brother."

    "Well how will that work? Scooter and I aren’t the same person you know."

    "May as well be," Uncle Deadly said. "You are twins after all."

    Skeeter frowned. "Stereotypical phantom..." she muttered.

    "May I have a hair?" Deadly reached out his claws towards Skeeter’s long red hair.

    Skeeter grabbed her hair and pulled back. "I don’t think so!"

    Deadly sighed. "I was afraid of this."

    "Only my boyfriend can touch my hair!" Skeeter shouted.

    "You won’t even pull a teeny one out yourself and let old Uncle Deadly toss it in the fire? Hmm?" Deadly attempted to sweeten her up.

    "Not on your...Well, the main point is no!" Skeeter said.

    Deadly growled. "But why not?! This could be a life or death situation!"

    "So could you touching my hair!" the paranoid twin shrieked.

    Deadly turned to the armchair and through himself down in it. He let his claws take out his rage on the already tattered arm of the chair. "Fine!" he growled. "We’ll wait until your precious Clifford wakes up."

    Skeeter crossed her arms in victory. "Good." She sat in the other arm chair next to Uncle Deadly. "You got anything to eat in this creepy old place?"


    "Where is that rope?!" Benny Vandergast lost his patience with his two flunkies.

    "Right here! Right here!" Polly ran up to the intimidating man carrying rope in between his two claws.

    "Yeah yeah, but, uh, I couldn’t find a bear," Clueless said.

    "CHAIR!" Benny shouted, making Polly and Clueless jump.

    "Chair! Chair! I told you chair!" Polly pushed Clueless off.

    Benny’s eyes glowed red. He rubbed his temples and his eyes returned to their gray color. "Don’t let them get to you Benny," he said to himself.

    "Are you alright there Benny?" J.P. asked from the awkward position Benny was holding him in.

    "Fine Grosse. Now hurry it up you two!" He shouted at the lobster and goat who came running at him with a chair.

    "Here it is sir!" Polly said. "A genuine chair!"

    Benny grabbed the chair out of their hands and slammed it on the floor. Then, slammed J.P. into the chair and tied him up.

    "You couldn’t’ve done this in the other room where I was already tied up?" J.P. asked.

    Benny scowled. "Don’t toy with me J.P."

    "Yeah! Don’t toy with ‘im!" Polly shouted.

    "Did I ask you?!"

    "No sir, sorry sir, I’ll be quiet now sir!" Polly cowered back.

    Benny drew out the flask of purple liquid. "I’ll give you one last chance J.P. Tell me where the deed is."

    J.P. laughed again. "For the last time Benny, no!"

    "Suit yourself," Benny said. "Clueless, give me the shot." Benny told the goat, extending his palm.

    Clueless put a shotgun in Benny’s hand. "There ya go."

    "That’s not what I meant!" Benny threw the gun against the wall. "The medical shot you dolt!"

    "Oh!" Clueless handed Benny a shot.

    Benny growled and stuck the needle down inside the flask, taking in the purple liquid. "Say goodnight J.P."

    "Goodnight J.P." Clueless said.

    "SHUT UP!" Benny screamed.

    The gray man grabbed J.P. by the collar and jabbed the needle into his neck. J.P.’s eyes grew pale and his breathing stopped. Benny cackled, he had won.
  8. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    More good stuff! I'm still enjoying the hilarity of the bus ride with all the Muppets and Emily's crazy driving and all the other craziness, it's so funny. The stuff with Uncle Deadly and Skeeter was good too, I have to say, nice dig at Disney with the line "we don't get good reception on ABC" I was like "touche" But anyway, it's all just so good and so intense and I have work to do so I can't say more so I'll just say MORE PLEASE!
  9. christyb

    christyb Well-Known Member

    *finishes reading* Sheesh, prawnie...post an epic in a weekend! First off you can't end there! I love the whole thing. And the ref back to Muppet high! I can't believe you used that idea! Oh squee! now I must really jet off and do something semi-productive.
  10. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Nice update Prawny... Polly and Clueless making another cameo, great. Funny schtuff with them at the hostage situation.
    BTW: Looked it up and one of the names for truth serum is thiapentol sodium, if that helps in getting some scientific info to Uncle Deadly so he knows what to order from the apothecary.

    Spooky scene between UD and Skeeter, but it's filled with a bit of humor. If he's rully in a rush, he can just get Skeeter to spit into one of his teacups and use the DNA from that instead of one of her hairs. Though I'm a bit more concerned about him manipulating the fires and attempting to contact Death.

    The roller coaster on the bus won't ever end... And it won't until Kermit gives Emily a Destination: ! wherever it is they're headed off to for this vacation.
    Can't wait for more... So post it please! And don't forget about finishing the commentary for Old Friends also.
  11. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Oh. My. Gosh.

    As Gonzo said, "This is one wild ride." It really has shot straight down the road (again, literally) rushing from scene to scene without a break, from mayhem to danger and back faster than Mrs Bear can cross four lanes. I've been gripping the edge of my chair from the start and cannont but tell you that this is by far the best piece of writing that you have every scribed.

    Every single scene is blocked with action, and characters. Speaking of character, Clyde and Butch have fitted in like the a hand in a purple glove, and I adore your choice to have Polly and Clueless involved.

    I applaud this story and hug it with all my might. The best road show ever.
  12. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    One random thing that jumped out at me- the fact that JP asked Benny if he was okay. Like... actually showing concern for him. Some remains of the days when they were best friends... It just caught me, is all. Love how possesive Skeeter is with her hair, and... That last line there, you can't leave it like that! I HATE it when the bad guy wins! (Nice chapter ending, though, exactly the kind of thing I love to give readers...) MORE PLEASE!
  13. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Oh come on... Who says the bad guy's won? Not yet he hasn't! Come on Prawny, show us we're right and post more!
    Even if it puts your dearest other half further behind with matching this in her own newest story... Three chapters is it now?
  14. tutter_fan

    tutter_fan Well-Known Member

    Animal: MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!
  15. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 10

    The Mayhem bus pulled itself into the parking lot of a gas station. The attendant of the station lifted the bill of his hat over his eyes and raised his eyebrows at the funky colored bus that pulled into his turf.

    As the doors to the bus opened up and the Muppets began to flood out, the attendant stood up and watched as the bountiful troupe of fun loving creatures took his fuel station by storm.

    As the others ran off their separate ways in search of bathrooms, food, or some odd combination of the two, Kermit walked up to the attendant, his googly eyes came to about the level of the attendant’s beer gut.

    "Can I help you?" the attendant asked the frog, spitting something on the round just short of Kermit’s shoulder.

    The frog frowned. "Um, well, yes actually," Kermit stepped to the right of the spit wad shot out by the attendant. "I was wondering if you had a map we could purchase...?" The attendant stared at Kermit silently. "Of...Of the surrounding area?" The attendant didn’t budge. "Or perhaps one of the entire state?"

    The attendant finally moved, bringing his eyes level with Kermit’s, "I assume you can’t read lizard."

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Actually I’ve had the opportunity to teach children all over the world to read you see I’m-"

    "Well then why didn’t you read that sign?" the attendant chewed on the end of a toothpick and pointed up in the air.

    Kermit looked in the direction of the finger. A rickety old sign stood somewhat upright in front of the gas station. "Fil ‘er up?" Kermit read the sign aloud.

    "Good, then you can read." the attendant sat back down in his chair and propped his feet up on an overturned pail.

    "But uh, you see sir," Kermit walked closer to the attendant. "We still have half a tank of fuel, and we don’t want to spend too much money-"

    "No fuel, no maps," the attendant pulled two plastic maps out of the pocket of his overalls.

    "But we really don’t need-"

    "You need the maps?"

    "Well yes, that’s what I’ve been-"

    "Then you need the fuel."

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Fozzie, get my wallet, Rowlf, fill up the bus..." Kermit sighed. While he waited for his best friend to fetch the bill fold, he smiled at the attendant. "You see, I’m a frog, and I don’t have any pockets. It’s hard for me to carry around my wallet, or anything else actually and-"

    "I really don’t care." The attendant crossed his arms and spat something else out of his mouth.

    Kermit frowned as Fozzie came running up behind him. "Here you go Kermit," Fozzie handed the frog his wallet. "Oh! Hi there!" Fozzie waved to the attendant. "My name’s Fozzie and-"

    The attendant snatched the money out of Kermit’s hand. He flipped through the bills and counted. "Yup, this’ll do."

    "But that’s all I have!" Kermit held open his empty wallet.

    "Aint’cha got a credit card?" the attendant asked.

    "Well, of course, but-"

    "Well we got an ATM inside, there’s a fifteen cent cover charge though."

    Kermit frowned. "Thank you very much for the information," Kermit took the maps from the attendant and pulled Fozzie back to the bus.

    "Okay guys! Let’s go!" Fozzie shouted to all the other Muppets. "And, keep it down, Kermit’s a little angry."

    "Not now Fozzie."


    "Where is the deed?"

    "In my underwear drawer."

    "And that is?"

    "My private jet."

    "What’s it doing there?!"

    "Nothing, it’s a deed. It can’t move."

    "Fine, where’s the jet?"

    "Behind the theater."

    Benny Vandergast grinned. "Thank you J.P., that’s all I needed." Benny removed the ropes around J.P.’s body and he fell to the floor. Benny turned to Polly and Clueless. "Listen you two, outback are a dozen motorcycles. Round up a gang and let me know when you’re ready to leave."

    "How many is a dozen?" Clueless asked.

    "Twelve you twit!" Polly shouted.

    "Oh! ...Well how are we going to drive twelve motorcycles at once?"

    "With twelve people!" Benny shouted.

    "Do we have to have twelve?" Polly asked. "How ‘bout eleven? I don’t know if we can find twelve..."

    "Hop to it!" Benny growled.

    "But...I don’t even have my pogo stick," Clueless said.

    "GO!" Benny screamed sending Polly and Clueless darting out of the room.

    The gray man turned down to J.P. and picked him up by the back of his business suit. "Come along J.P., back to the closet."


    "No. Way." Skeeter’s disbelief could be seen in her glasses.

    "Mm-hm." Uncle Deadly nodded.

    "You can’t be serious!" Skeeter stared.

    "I am." The phantom nodded.

    "But...But how?" Skeeter asked.

    "Well it’s simple really," Deadly shrugged.

    "But I’ve been trying to do it for years!"

    "It’s a gift I have I suppose."

    "But how could you beat Scooter in Monopoly?!" Skeeter whined.

    "Just buy out the railroads before he can get to them," Deadly said. "You may say I have magic fingers."

    "I know, I’ve seen the lightning." Skeeter sat back down in her chair.

    Deadly examined his hands. Magic fingers! Of course! He shot out of his chair and darted over to Clifford on the couch.

    "Hey! What are you doing?" Skeeter asked.

    "Putting these magic fingers to good use." Deadly positioned himself over Clifford’s unconscious body.

    "You have a Monopoly board up here?"

    "No, no, but do get ready for some excitement." the phantom rubbed his palms together.


    The bus accelerated down the freeway faster than it had before (if that’s even possible). And though the speed had changed, the many twists and turns and hops and leaps hadn’t.

    "Mrs. Bear!" Rowlf shouted as he was tossed all about his seat. "Could you slow down?!"

    "Nope!" Emily shouted without ungluing her eyes from the road. "Bought some caffeine pills from that nice gas station attendant! I’m goin’ so fast that I’m actually forty three seconds in the future! Duck Fozzie!" she shouted.

    "What?" Fozzie asked before he was knocked in the head by a suitcase that fell from above. "Oh...That..."

    "WHOA! Traffic jam!" Emily shouted.

    "I don’t see anything," Rowlf said.

    Five seconds later, Emily slammed on the brakes, sending Beaker flying over Fozzie and into the windshield.

    "Thank goodness for that weird shield," Bunsen declared.

    "Mee me mo..." Beaker moaned.

    "Zee freek is ookey dukey!" Chef said.

    "What’s that about a freak?" Gonzo asked from a few seats back.

    "Brawk bagawk buck bagawk!!" Camilla cried into her wings.

    "Oh Camilla! Baby! You are not a freak!" Gonzo wrapped his arms around the hen.

    "Heh, two freaks and a vacation...Maybe I’ll write a screenplay." Rizzo smacked some food.

    "Rizzo! Just...Just be quiet and eat your Cheez-Nip-It’s!" Gonzo shouted.

    "Heh, fine by me," Rizzo gulped down a bag of cheese crackers. The rat leaned himself against the back of his seat and looked out the window into the adjacent highway lane. The traffic had come to a complete stop all around them. A nice change, Rizzo thought.

    All of the sudden, Rizzo saw a horse darting in between the cars packed like sardines in the three lanes.

    "Hey! Wow! Look at dat horse!" Rizzo pointed out the window.

    Everyone else on the bus just stared at the rat awkwardly.

    "What? You don’t see it?!" Rizzo shouted. "Look! It’s right d’ere!" He hopped up and down, pointing to the horse he saw.

    The horse quickly darted out of sight as all of the other Muppets looked over each other to see out the window, but still, saw no horse.

    "Jou’re crazy Ritzo, d’ere es no horse out d’ere, hokay?" Pepe poked his head around to tell the rat.

    "But I saw a horse!" Rizzo shouted. He looked back out the window and saw the horse looking in his window. "Look! It’s right there!! He’s looking at me!"

    The horse ducked down underneath the window as the Muppets looked back out. "I’m sorry Rizzo," Kermit said. "I just don’t see a horse."

    "NO HORSE! NO HORSE!" Animal chanted from the back of the bus.

    "Brawk bagawk baw!" Camilla clucked happily.

    "Shh, Camilla, don’t call Rizzo a freak! Two wrongs don’t make a right!" Gonzo said.

    Rizzo’s mouth fell open.

    "Yeah man," Floyd hollered up. "But two lefts make a right! Heh heh!"

    "What’s that ya say?" Emily asked. "Turn left twice then right? OKAY!!"

    The group of Muppets screamed as Emily swerved the bus around the tight knit group of vehicles.

    "Whoopie!" Gonzo shouted.
  16. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    OH terriffic!!!!!!!!! The attendant! The monopoly! THe magic fingers! The reading! The pockets! The caffeine pills! THE UNDERWEAR DRAWER! THE MOTORCYCLE GANG! The horse, the forty-three seconds into the FUTURE! FANTASTICABULOUS!

    (Current score: Prawnie 10, Toga 8)

  17. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Lisa pretty much said it all... Rully hoping for some more scenes with Benny and Uncle Deadly in their respective worlds.

    More please!
  18. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    I've decided that I'd rather beef up MY fan-fic with muffins from my other half and me instead of hers...As other halves of each other, we share everything, including muffins in threads. RIGHT??
  19. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!! <*doesn't* grumble>
  20. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    SIDEWAYS!!! *doesn't grumbe either* *MWoO ha ha ha!*

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