Chapter 9
"Hey, hey Polly, tell me again, what are we doing here?"
"You numbskull! We’re here to help out that creepy zombie guy, and get a good share of cash out of it!"
"Oh..."
"You have no idea who I’m talking about, do you?"
"Hello? Clueless Morgan, ring any bells?"
"Your heads been ringin’ all your life..."
Benny Vandergast walked in, dragging a struggling J.P. Grosse behind him. Polly Lobster and Clueless Morgan stared up at Benny’s gray face.
"What are you two morons staring at?" Benny shouted at them.
"Oh! Nothing! Nothing Mr. Vandergast sir!" Polly said as Clueless cowered behind him.
"Yes, yes, we would never stare at your hideously colored and misshapen face!" Clueless told the zombie.
Benny lowered his eyebrows at the goat. "
Quiet, quiet, quiet!" Polly nudged Clueless.
"Just shut up and get the ropes and chair." Benny glared down at the two nitwits.
"Right! Yes sir!" Polly and Clueless darted about the room.
"Is this it?"
"Dumby! That’s spaghetti!"
"Oh right."
J.P. sighed. "It’s so hard to find good help these days."
"You’re tellin’ me," Benny said.
<X>X<X>
"Uncle Kermit, I just thought of something." Robin shifted his weight uneasily.
Kermit smiled at his nephew. "What’s that Robin?"
"Um, we have no idea where we’re going."
Kermit frowned. "Oh good grief, I knew we forgot something..."
"Don’t worry Kermit," Clyde told the frog. "I’m sure Mrs. Bear will get us somewhere."
The bus drove partially off the road, knocking over a road sign. "Speed limit?!" Emily laughed. "Who puts a limit on FREEDOM?! Ha ha!"
Kermit frowned. "Oh she’ll get us somewhere all right...The local hospital..." Kermit walked to the front of the bus and was flown into the seat next to Rowlf when Emily changed lanes, all four of them.
"Nice of you to drop in buddy," Rowlf told the frog.
Kermit scrunched up his face. "Oh Mrs. Bear!" Kermit shouted at Emily.
"Yeah, what is it lizard?" Emily asked, without breaking eye/pavement contact with the road.
"We need to pull off at the next rest area or gas station," Kermit told her.
Emily turned the bus hard to the right to get around a school bus. "Oh? And why’s that? We’re makin’ great time!"
"Does Animal have to go to the bathroom again?" Fozzie asked.
"No, no," Kermit shook his head. "It’s just, we need to actually figure out where we’re going."
Rowlf frowned. "You can’t be serious."
"I know that’s a little strange for me Rowlf, but this time I am." Kermit told the dog.
"Oh! Look there mister lizard! Got a rest stop twenty miles ahead!" Emily shouted, referring to a street sign.
"Oh good," Kermit said. "Just get off when the turn comes."
"We’ll be there in thirty seconds!" Emily floored the gas pedal, sending all the Muppets flying forward, including Gonzo, who crashed into the front windshield.
"Wow! What a great driver you are Mrs. Bear!" Gonzo said as he fell from the glass.
"Hey! Look there, now it’s not a windshield, it’s a
weird shield! Ahh!" Fozzie delivered.
"Good grief," Kermit sighed.
>X<X>X<
Skeeter stared down at Uncle Deadly’s crackling fire. "You can turn this thing into a TV?"
"Not exactly," Uncle Deadly said, poking the wood with a prong. "We don’t get a good reception on ABC."
"Figures," Skeeter mumbled. She looked back at her unconscious boyfriend. "Are you sure he’s okay?"
"He’s fine," Deadly reassured her. "Quieter, like I said, but he’s fine. He’ll wake up soon, I just had to keep him quiet."
Skeeter nodded. "At least someone found a way to do it," she sat down in front of the fire and stared into it. "But why do you need me?"
"I think I may need the DNA of the person I’m trying to see in the fire,"
Deadly tossed some oddly colored powder into the flames.
"So...You want my DNA so you can see...Me?" Skeeter asked.
"Not quite," Deadly told her. "I want your DNA so I can see your brother."
"Well how will that work? Scooter and I aren’t the same person you know."
"May as well be," Uncle Deadly said. "You are twins after all."
Skeeter frowned. "Stereotypical phantom..." she muttered.
"May I have a hair?" Deadly reached out his claws towards Skeeter’s long red hair.
Skeeter grabbed her hair and pulled back. "I don’t think so!"
Deadly sighed. "I was afraid of this."
"Only my boyfriend can touch my hair!" Skeeter shouted.
"You won’t even pull a teeny one out yourself and let old Uncle Deadly toss it in the fire? Hmm?" Deadly attempted to sweeten her up.
"Not on your...Well, the main point is no!" Skeeter said.
Deadly growled. "But
why not?! This could be a life or death situation!"
"So could you touching my hair!" the paranoid twin shrieked.
Deadly turned to the armchair and through himself down in it. He let his claws take out his rage on the already tattered arm of the chair. "Fine!" he growled. "We’ll wait until your precious Clifford wakes up."
Skeeter crossed her arms in victory. "Good." She sat in the other arm chair next to Uncle Deadly. "You got anything to eat in this creepy old place?"
<X>X<X>
"Where is that rope?!" Benny Vandergast lost his patience with his two flunkies.
"Right here! Right here!" Polly ran up to the intimidating man carrying rope in between his two claws.
"Yeah yeah, but, uh, I couldn’t find a bear," Clueless said.
"CHAIR!" Benny shouted, making Polly and Clueless jump.
"Chair! Chair! I
told you chair!" Polly pushed Clueless off.
Benny’s eyes glowed red. He rubbed his temples and his eyes returned to their gray color. "Don’t let them get to you Benny," he said to himself.
"Are you alright there Benny?" J.P. asked from the awkward position Benny was holding him in.
"Fine Grosse. Now hurry it up you two!" He shouted at the lobster and goat who came running at him with a chair.
"Here it is sir!" Polly said. "A genuine chair!"
Benny grabbed the chair out of their hands and slammed it on the floor. Then, slammed J.P. into the chair and tied him up.
"You couldn’t’ve done this in the other room where I was already tied up?" J.P. asked.
Benny scowled. "Don’t toy with me J.P."
"Yeah! Don’t toy with ‘im!" Polly shouted.
"Did I ask you?!"
"No sir, sorry sir, I’ll be quiet now sir!" Polly cowered back.
Benny drew out the flask of purple liquid. "I’ll give you one last chance J.P. Tell me where the deed is."
J.P. laughed again. "For the last time Benny, no!"
"Suit yourself," Benny said. "Clueless, give me the shot." Benny told the goat, extending his palm.
Clueless put a shotgun in Benny’s hand. "There ya go."
"That’s
not what I meant!" Benny threw the gun against the wall. "The medical shot you dolt!"
"Oh!" Clueless handed Benny a shot.
Benny growled and stuck the needle down inside the flask, taking in the purple liquid. "Say goodnight J.P."
"Goodnight J.P." Clueless said.
"SHUT UP!" Benny screamed.
The gray man grabbed J.P. by the collar and jabbed the needle into his neck. J.P.’s eyes grew pale and his breathing stopped. Benny cackled, he had won.
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