Chapter 10
The Mayhem bus pulled itself into the parking lot of a gas station. The attendant of the station lifted the bill of his hat over his eyes and raised his eyebrows at the funky colored bus that pulled into his turf.
As the doors to the bus opened up and the Muppets began to flood out, the attendant stood up and watched as the bountiful troupe of fun loving creatures took his fuel station by storm.
As the others ran off their separate ways in search of bathrooms, food, or some odd combination of the two, Kermit walked up to the attendant, his googly eyes came to about the level of the attendant’s beer gut.
"Can I help you?" the attendant asked the frog, spitting something on the round just short of Kermit’s shoulder.
The frog frowned. "Um, well, yes actually," Kermit stepped to the right of the spit wad shot out by the attendant. "I was wondering if you had a map we could purchase...?" The attendant stared at Kermit silently. "Of...Of the surrounding area?" The attendant didn’t budge. "Or perhaps one of the entire state?"
The attendant finally moved, bringing his eyes level with Kermit’s, "I assume you can’t read lizard."
Kermit scrunched up his face. "Actually I’ve had the opportunity to teach children all over the world to read you see I’m-"
"Well then
why didn’t you read that sign?" the attendant chewed on the end of a toothpick and pointed up in the air.
Kermit looked in the direction of the finger. A rickety old sign stood somewhat upright in front of the gas station. "Fil ‘er up?" Kermit read the sign aloud.
"Good, then you can read." the attendant sat back down in his chair and propped his feet up on an overturned pail.
"But uh, you see sir," Kermit walked closer to the attendant. "We still have half a tank of fuel, and we don’t want to spend too much money-"
"No fuel, no maps," the attendant pulled two plastic maps out of the pocket of his overalls.
"But we really don’t need-"
"You need the maps?"
"Well yes, that’s what I’ve been-"
"Then you need the fuel."
Kermit scrunched up his face. "Fozzie, get my wallet, Rowlf, fill up the bus..." Kermit sighed. While he waited for his best friend to fetch the bill fold, he smiled at the attendant. "You see, I’m a frog, and I don’t have any pockets. It’s hard for me to carry around my wallet, or anything else actually and-"
"I really don’t care." The attendant crossed his arms and spat something else out of his mouth.
Kermit frowned as Fozzie came running up behind him. "Here you go Kermit," Fozzie handed the frog his wallet. "Oh! Hi there!" Fozzie waved to the attendant. "My name’s Fozzie and-"
The attendant snatched the money out of Kermit’s hand. He flipped through the bills and counted. "Yup, this’ll do."
"But that’s all I have!" Kermit held open his empty wallet.
"Aint’cha got a credit card?" the attendant asked.
"Well, of course, but-"
"Well we got an ATM inside, there’s a fifteen cent cover charge though."
Kermit frowned. "Thank you very much for the information," Kermit took the maps from the attendant and pulled Fozzie back to the bus.
"Okay guys! Let’s go!" Fozzie shouted to all the other Muppets. "And, keep it down, Kermit’s a little angry."
"Not now Fozzie."
<X>X<X>
"Where is the deed?"
"In my underwear drawer."
"And that is?"
"My private jet."
"What’s it doing there?!"
"Nothing, it’s a deed. It can’t move."
"Fine, where’s the jet?"
"Behind the theater."
Benny Vandergast grinned. "Thank you J.P., that’s all I needed." Benny removed the ropes around J.P.’s body and he fell to the floor. Benny turned to Polly and Clueless. "Listen you two, outback are a dozen motorcycles. Round up a gang and let me know when you’re ready to leave."
"How many is a dozen?" Clueless asked.
"Twelve you twit!" Polly shouted.
"Oh! ...Well how are we going to drive twelve motorcycles at once?"
"With twelve people!" Benny shouted.
"Do we have to have twelve?" Polly asked. "How ‘bout eleven? I don’t know if we can find twelve..."
"Hop to it!" Benny growled.
"But...I don’t even have my pogo stick," Clueless said.
"GO!" Benny screamed sending Polly and Clueless darting out of the room.
The gray man turned down to J.P. and picked him up by the back of his business suit. "Come along J.P., back to the closet."
>X<X>X<
"No. Way." Skeeter’s disbelief could be seen in her glasses.
"Mm-hm." Uncle Deadly nodded.
"You
can’t be serious!" Skeeter stared.
"I am." The phantom nodded.
"But...But how?" Skeeter asked.
"Well it’s simple really," Deadly shrugged.
"But I’ve been trying to do it for years!"
"It’s a gift I have I suppose."
"But
how could you beat Scooter in Monopoly?!" Skeeter whined.
"Just buy out the railroads before he can get to them," Deadly said. "You may say I have magic fingers."
"I know, I’ve seen the lightning." Skeeter sat back down in her chair.
Deadly examined his hands. Magic fingers! Of course! He shot out of his chair and darted over to Clifford on the couch.
"Hey! What are you doing?" Skeeter asked.
"Putting these magic fingers to good use." Deadly positioned himself over Clifford’s unconscious body.
"You have a Monopoly board up here?"
"No, no, but do get ready for some excitement." the phantom rubbed his palms together.
<X>X<X>
The bus accelerated down the freeway faster than it had before (if that’s even possible). And though the speed had changed, the many twists and turns and hops and leaps hadn’t.
"Mrs. Bear!" Rowlf shouted as he was tossed all about his seat. "Could you slow down?!"
"Nope!" Emily shouted without ungluing her eyes from the road. "Bought some caffeine pills from that nice gas station attendant! I’m goin’ so fast that I’m actually forty three seconds in the future! Duck Fozzie!" she shouted.
"What?" Fozzie asked before he was knocked in the head by a suitcase that fell from above. "Oh...That..."
"WHOA! Traffic jam!" Emily shouted.
"I don’t see anything," Rowlf said.
Five seconds later, Emily slammed on the brakes, sending Beaker flying over Fozzie and into the windshield.
"Thank goodness for that weird shield," Bunsen declared.
"Mee me mo..." Beaker moaned.
"Zee freek is ookey dukey!" Chef said.
"What’s that about a freak?" Gonzo asked from a few seats back.
"Brawk bagawk buck bagawk!!" Camilla cried into her wings.
"Oh Camilla! Baby! You are not a freak!" Gonzo wrapped his arms around the hen.
"Heh, two freaks and a vacation...Maybe I’ll write a screenplay." Rizzo smacked some food.
"Rizzo! Just...Just be quiet and eat your Cheez-Nip-It’s!" Gonzo shouted.
"Heh, fine by me," Rizzo gulped down a bag of cheese crackers. The rat leaned himself against the back of his seat and looked out the window into the adjacent highway lane. The traffic had come to a complete stop all around them.
A nice change, Rizzo thought.
All of the sudden, Rizzo saw a horse darting in between the cars packed like sardines in the three lanes.
"Hey! Wow! Look at dat horse!" Rizzo pointed out the window.
Everyone else on the bus just stared at the rat awkwardly.
"What? You don’t see it?!" Rizzo shouted. "Look! It’s right d’ere!" He hopped up and down, pointing to the horse he saw.
The horse quickly darted out of sight as all of the other Muppets looked over each other to see out the window, but still, saw no horse.
"Jou’re crazy Ritzo, d’ere es no horse out d’ere, hokay?" Pepe poked his head around to tell the rat.
"But I saw a horse!" Rizzo shouted. He looked back out the window and saw the horse looking in his window. "Look! It’s right there!! He’s
looking at me!"
The horse ducked down underneath the window as the Muppets looked back out. "I’m sorry Rizzo," Kermit said. "I just don’t see a horse."
"NO HORSE! NO HORSE!" Animal chanted from the back of the bus.
"Brawk bagawk baw!" Camilla clucked happily.
"Shh, Camilla, don’t call Rizzo a freak! Two wrongs don’t make a right!" Gonzo said.
Rizzo’s mouth fell open.
"Yeah man," Floyd hollered up. "But two lefts make a right! Heh heh!"
"What’s that ya say?" Emily asked. "Turn left twice then right? OKAY!!"
The group of Muppets screamed as Emily swerved the bus around the tight knit group of vehicles.
"Whoopie!" Gonzo shouted.
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