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Muppet Fan-Fiction - Men Are Pigs

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, May 18, 2007.

  1. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    I have to say when I read the first line of this chapter I had to do a double take and go "Is this Lisa's story or Ryan's?" But anyway, it was a cute scene at the beginning with Robin and Kermit and I like that all the men are moving into action to try and get their women back. Must read more!
  2. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member

    XD I always laugh in every chapter since it has that kind of humor that I can't really express. Child-like, silly and with muppety qualities. The last part where she was probably talking to you made me spit out my milk...thanks alot. D: LOL! I always like to read your story. Continue please! :D MOOORREE *TACKLEHUGGLE*
  3. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Then you might be interested in reading some of Prawny's previous work. Would recommend Sometimes Its Better to Go, We Know That It's Probably Magic where the Rules of Death are stablished, Old Friends Who've Just Met, Don't Trip The Driver, and Street Smarts.

    Oh, and for future reference... A tackle-hug is what he and his other two halves refer to as a "glomp".
  4. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member

    XD I try not to use the word glomp. For some reason it gives me the idea of killing someone despite the fact it does not mean that at all. XD

    Thanks for those recommendations. *Off to read*
  5. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    These last chapters had so much goodness in them, and especially the last chapter, that I can not think of much to say except to echo everything that Lisa said in her last review.

    More please!
  6. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hi. Just popping in to nag for more please. Carry on.
  7. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member

    ...I love that word.

    *NAG* XD <3
  8. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    Yes, nag is a good word. And it comes in very handy...

    Nag nag nag.

    More please!
  9. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Post more! Post more! Post more!
  10. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 16

    "Take t’ree perfect girls-" Rizzo said.

    "Si, d’en jou buy d’em ice cream-" Pepe said.

    "Then they ditch you!" Rizzo shouted.

    "They didn’t ditch us," Fozzie said. "They just... took the Studebaker... and fled."

    "And what, pray tell, would you call that?" Rizzo asked.

    "Fleeing," Fozzie said. "Not ditching."

    "De funny bear man has a point, jou know, Ritzo," Pepe said.

    "Who cares?" Rizzo shouted. "Da point is, da girls are gone, and we’re stuck here with ice cream cones!"

    "And when jou, Ritzo, complain about having food, t’ere is definitely somet’ing wrong, hokay?" Pepe said, licking one of the three ice cream cones he was holding.

    "Hey, what are you doing?" Fozzie asked.

    "Well, no one else is going to eat, it, hokay?" Pepe said. "And I cannot just let it go to waste."

    "If you eat enough of it, it will certainly go to your waist," Fozzie said. "Ahh, wocka! Wocka!"

    Pepe stared at the bear. "Jou can’t be serious, hokay?"

    "He is," Rizzo said. "Haven’t ya seen Miss Piggy?"

    "Um, guys?"


    "Shouldn’t we go find the girls?" Fozzie asked.

    Rizzo and Pepe exchanged glances. "Oh yeah," Rizzo said. "Gee, I wonder where d’ey went."

    "Well, as long as they’re not at the theater, we’ll be okay," Fozzie said.

    Pepe belched loudly. "Escuse me," he said sheepishly. "But ice cream just goes right t’rough me, hokay?"

    "Obviously," Rizzo said.


    Skeeter, Camilla, and Janice walked in through the backstage door, each of them sipping an iced coffee. "I told you it wouldn’t be that hard to ditch the dodos," Skeeter said.

    "Brawk bawk byuck," Camilla clucked.

    "Like, why should you resent that?" Janice asked. "You’re not a dodo."

    "Don’t count your chickens before they hatch," Skeeter said.

    Camilla glared at Skeeter and continued to sip her iced coffee.

    "I wonder if we’ll get to do anything in the show this-"

    A streak of blue shot down in front of them. "Sh!" It hissed at them. The blue shadow creature motioned for the women to follow him onto the stage, behind the curtains.

    While Camilla and Janice cowered behind Skeeter, the confident young woman placed her hands firmly on her hips and smirked at the specter. "Come off it, Uncle D., what are you doing? And come out of the shadows."

    Uncle Deadly groaned and revealed himself from the shadows. "You really know how to kill a mood, don’t you?"

    "It’s not too hard," Skeeter said. "Considering you’re already dead."

    Uncle Deadly frowned. "Did you want to see what the frogs and the dog are planning, or not?"

    "What do you mean?" Skeeter asked.

    "No, no," Uncle Deadly said. "Never mind. I try and make a quick little cameo in this story, and you just shoot me down."

    "Brawk byuck bawk," Camilla squawked, approaching Uncle Deadly apologetically.

    Uncle Deadly stared down at her. "I’m being swayed by a chicken. How surreal."

    "Like, will you puh-lease show us, Uncle Deadly?" Janice asked.

    Uncle Deadly shook his head. "Yes, yes, come on, just hush, will you?"

    "Overthrown by a zombie..." Skeeter muttered.

    The three girls followed Uncle Deadly behind the stage curtains and peered down at the band pit. Rowlf sat at the upright piano, with Robin by his side, and Kermit standing next to Scooter, watching.

    "It’s great Robin," Kermit told his nephew.

    "You really think so, Uncle Kermit?" Robin asked.

    "Of course," Kermit said.

    "Yeah, there’s no way the girls can resist this," Scooter said.

    "Even if Gonzo, Floyd, and Clifford are gonna be singin’ it," Rowlf said, tickling a few ivories.

    "Brawk?" Camilla clucked loudly.

    Skeeter quickly clamped her hand over Camilla’s beak, biting her own lip in hopes that Kermit didn’t notice the squawk.

    Kermit looked up toward the ceiling. "Did you hear something?"

    "Mm," Rowlf said with a nod. "Something probably just got loose down in the canteen."

    "Yeesh," Kermit said. "I’m sure we’ll have to deal with that later." Scooter scribbled something down on the clipboard he seemed to always have on hand.

    "Uncle Kermit, do you think we can try the song again?" Robin asked.

    "Well of course, Robin." Kermit smiled at the young frog.

    Skeeter, Janice, and Camilla grew wide-eyed. Uncle Deadly shook his head and watched from behind.

    Rowlf began to play the first few notes of the song, and almost on cue the front doors of the stage burst open. Gonzo came rolling down the aisle, colliding with the band pit. "Ha ha!" he laughed. "Boy, Kermit, does your aunt know how to have a good time!"

    "KERMIE!" Aunt Marge stood at the door, her purse dangling from her hand, glaring down at the frog.

    "Aunt Marge!" Kermit shouted. "What a pleasant surprise!"

    "Don’t give me any of that!" Aunt Marge said to Kermit, stomping down the aisle, making her way to the band pit. "If you didn’t want to spend time with your dear old auntie, all you had to do was say something! Hmph!"

    "Oh, Aunt Marge," Kermit said, placing his arm on his aunt’s arm. "Dear, sweet, caring Aunt Marge, I never meant it like that," Kermit lied. "It’s just, I’ve been so busy with the show here, and I haven’t had time to give you all of the well deserved time you... deserve."

    "So instead you give me some freaky purple guy, some freaky blue guy, and some freaky guy with a mustache?" Aunt Marge asked.

    "Just to give you some company, auntie dear," Kermit said, forcing a smile.

    "Well, if it’s all the same to you, I’ll keep myself company!" Aunt Marge said, turning around and leaving the theater.

    "But, Aunt Marge, wait-" Kermit called after his aunt.

    Robin hopped down off the piano bench and out of the band pit after Aunt Marge. "I’ll take care of it, Uncle Kermit," he said. "Just show Gonzo, Clifford, and Floyd my idea!"

    Kermit tried to stop his nephew, but he was out the door before he could say anything. The frog turned to the dog and sighed. "Why’s he so good to me, Rowlf?"

    "‘Cause you’re so good to him," Rowlf said.

    "Unlike three single guys I know," Gonzo said from the floor.

    Clifford and Floyd came running in, trying to catch their breaths. "Hey man, did your aunt come in here?" Clifford asked.

    "You just missed her," Rowlf said.

    "Weren’t you supposed to be watching after her?" Scooter asked.

    "Green stuff," Floyd said between breaths. "A straight jacked couldn’t watch after that mass of wrinkled warts!"

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Good grief," he said. "Why is it that I have two women putting me in hot water, and you three only have one each?"

    Gonzo hopped up and shrugged. "Just lucky I guess."

    Meanwhile, behind the stage curtain, Janice and Camilla were swooning over their men. Camilla at Gonzo’s bravery to roll with Aunt Marge, and Janice at Floyd’s sweat-brimmed mustache.

    Skeeter made a disgusted face. "I don’t see how this plan has lasted this long."

    Uncle Deadly quietly cleared his throat, the girls barely noticed it, but Rowlf’s ears caught it perfectly. He glanced back at the curtains and Deadly winked at him, Rowlf nodded in response. "Uh, hey, Kermit, whadaya say we show the guys here the act we worked out for ‘em?"

    "Yes!" Skeeter whispered.

    "Cool man!" Floyd said. "Let’s hear it."

    "Um, but, uh, Kermit," Rowlf said. "I’ve been thinking- maybe we should change it just a bit, you know, in case the girls don’t like it." Rowlf jerked his head back slightly, towards the stage curtain.

    Kermit glanced up towards the curtains and saw what Rowlf saw, he nodded. "Okay, I like it. We’ll go with what we rehearsed then?" he asked.

    "Yup," Rowlf nodded.

    Gonzo, Floyd, and Clifford looked at each other. "Can we just get on with it?" Clifford asked.

    Robin nodded, and smiled at Kermit. "You guys may remember this song," Rowlf said. "First sang it back in 1979..."


    Link’s legs flailed as he tried to pull his head out of a garbage can.

    Piggy muttered and stomped off. "That frog had better hurry up and win me back," she said angrily.
    ElizaSchuyler likes this.
  11. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member




  12. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Woo-hoo! Funny was the part with the guys and ice cream. The rehearsals at the theater! Yaey! Uncle D! Yaey! The girls snooping backstage, uh-oh. Robin gets the medal of bravery for going above and beyond the call of duty for putting up with Aunt Marge. Good thing Kermit and Rowlf caught the parties eavesdropping on their mock-performance.

    Two things though...
    Posted by Chest of Drawers: Robin nodded, and smiled at Kermit. "You guys may remember this song," Rowlf said. "First sang it back in 1979..."
    Didn't Robin already leave after Aunt Marge by this point? So how can he smile up at his uncle

    Posted by Duke of Chutney: Link’s legs flailed as he tried to pull his head out of a garbage can.

    Piggy muttered and stomped off. "That frog had better hurry up and win me back," she said angrily.*
    At first, this didn't jive with me, seemed disjointed from the rest of the chapter. But then I remembered this followed the restaurant dinner. That is, if said scene continued with the pigs there if it is the frog and bear left to move on to where we saw them here. Nice work, more please!
  13. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Oh, good catch, Ed. That "Robin" there was indeed supposed to be Rowlf. Oops. :p

    And as for the Piggy and Link scene... I just wanted a Piggy and Link scene. :p

    More to come at some point!
  14. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    You'd better deliver on that... Or I know someone who'll be seein' stars by tomorrow.

    BTW: Could you please send me complete corrected copies of all your fanfics so far, except for Don't Trip The Driver since I have that one please? Copies for me and for Sis. Thanks.
  15. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Oooh loving it, loving it! Can't wait to see the song performed! I want to read more! More please!
  16. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Sure Ed, I'll get you all the fan-fics asap! :D
  17. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Did you know this is part 1 of a trio?
  18. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *shoots a penguin at Beau* READ DARN YOU!

    *ahem* Anyway gang, next chapter's coming, got a great song in it. One that... well, lemme jus tsay, if you didn't see it coming... I dunno, you just shoulda saw it coming. :p Enjoy!
  19. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 17

    Rowlf’s fingers flew across the keys. Scooter titled his head at the unfamiliar tune, this wasn’t what they had rehearsed earlier. "Ya can’t live with ‘em, ya can’t live without ‘em," Rowlf sang.

    "There’s something irresistable-ish about ‘em," Kermit sang.
    "We grin and bear it ‘cause the nights are long
    I hope that something better comes along."

    The stupidly single men looked at each other. "How is this gonna win our girls back?" Clifford whispered.

    "How is this gonna win us back?" Skeeter whispered.

    Uncle Deadly gasped. "Sh! We’ve been spotted!"

    "Brawk?" Camilla clucked quietly.

    "Quickly!" Deadly whispered. "Out! Go!" he shouted, pushing the three girls out of the theater.

    "It’s no good complainin’ and pointless to holler
    If she’s a beauty she’ll get under your collar," Rowlf sang.

    "She made a monkey out of old King Kong," Kermit sang.

    "I hope that something better comes along," they both harmonized.

    "What are you guys doing?" Scooter asked. "This isn’t the song Robin wanted to do!"

    "Sh!" Kermit told the go-fer. "Women in the roost," Kermit said.

    "C’mon," Rowlf said to the others. "You know the words, sing along!"

    Floyd shrugged, and joined in the next verse. "Man, but what could be better
    Than a saucy Irish setter
    When puppy love comes on strong?" he sang.

    "Or a collie that’s classy," Gonzo sang. "A laddie needs a lassie."

    "A lover and wife gives you a new leash on life," Clifford added.

    "I don’t mean to scare ya, my friend
    But I betcha, come Father’s Day
    The litter-bug’s gonna getcha," Kermit sang.

    "The urge is righteous
    But the face is wrong," Rowlf sang.

    "I hope that something better comes along," they all sang.

    "Still, it’s fun when you’re fetching," Scooter sang.
    "And agree to see an etching."

    "That you keep at your lily pad," Kermit sang.

    "There is no solution
    It’s part of evolution," Gonzo sang.

    "The pitter-patter of souls," Clifford sang.

    "The little feet of tadpoles!" Rowlf sang.

    "Tadpoles don’t have feet!" everyone shouted at the dog.

    He played back and forth between keys and stared at them. "Yeah, sorry about that. Two, three, four!" he counted off.

    "There’s no limitation
    To mixin’ and matchin’" Floyd sang.

    "Some get an itching for
    A critter they’ve been scratching," Gonzo sang.

    "A skunk was badgered-"

    "The results were strong!"

    "I hope that something better-"

    "I hope that something better-"

    "I hope that something better comes along!" they all sang.

    "Beep bob, squeetily dop, boody do do. Yeah!" Rowlf scatted.

    "Heh heh heh," Clifford laughed. "That was good, that was good," he said. "But how the heck is it s’pposed to win us our girls back, man?"

    "It isn’t," Uncle Deadly said, from the ceiling above.

    Everyone looked up at him. "Man, oh man." Floyd shook his head. "Everybody but us seems to know what’s goin’ on!"

    "What’s he mean, Kermit?" Gonzo asked.

    "Yeah frog, dog, spill it," Clifford said.

    Kermit looked back up at Uncle Deadly. "Are they gone yet, Uncle D.?" he asked.

    "Indeed," Uncle Deadly said, hopping down from the rafters.

    "Oh good," Kermit said. "Well, your women were watching from behind the curtains."

    "What?" Floyd, Clifford, and Gonzo shouted.

    "I thought Fozzie, Pepe, and Rizzo were keeping an eye on them!" Gonzo said.

    "Well that explains everything," Clifford said.

    "So, wait," Floyd said. "That ain’t what we’re gonna do to win back our girls?"

    "You kiddin’?" Rowlf asked. "That song would make your girls leave so fast, they’d leave skid marks."

    "They already did leave that fast," Uncle Deadly said.

    "Point proven," Kermit said.

    "Well then what’s the real song?" Gonzo asked.

    Rowlf started up on the piano keys again. "Why don’t we show you?"


    Skeeter, Camilla, and Janice trotted down the sidewalk. "Ugh," Skeeter groaned. "I can’t believe they’re gonna do that song!" she said.

    "Like, rully," Janice said.

    "Brawk bawk byuck bagawk!" Camilla clucked.

    "Yeah, and if Robin thought to do that to win us back, the whole family must be relationship challenged," Skeeter said.

    "Oh, fer sure," Janice said. "I mean, like, Kermit lost Miss Piggy, and now, like Robin wants them to sing that."

    "Brawk bawk!" Camilla clucked, pointing ahead of them.

    "Well speak of the little green devil, there he is!" Skeeter said.

    "Uh oh, but he’s with, like, a big puce devil," Janice said.

    "Ugh, this could get painful..." Skeeter said. "C’mon, let’s catch up to them..."


    "What’re we gonna do?" Fozzie whined.

    "I t’ought we were going to find de womens," Pepe said.

    "We are!" Rizzo said.

    "Well d’en, isn’t d’at what we are going to do?" Pepe asked.

    "But we don’t know how to do it!" Fozzie said.

    "Oh, well d’at is simple, hokay?" Pepe said. "We take it one step at a time."

    "Hey, hey guys," Rizzo called to the bear and the prawn.

    "Si?" Pepe replied.

    "I didn’t find da girls we’re lookin’ for, but I found Miss Piggy!" he said.

    "Should we go talk to her?" Fozzie asked.

    "We have a choice?" Pepe asked.

    "Alright meat bag, move it!" Piggy shouted to Link, who wobbled behind her, covered in trash.

    "Goodness," Fozzie said. "What did she do to him?"

    "She trashed him!" Rizzo shuddered. "She probably hit him up too!"

    "She’s getting closer! I t’ink we should probably run, hokay?" Pepe said.

    "Where to? Where to?" Fozzie asked.

    "Da t'eater!" Rizzo said. "Quick!"

    Fozzie turned around and started to run away, screaming.

    "How very discreet of him..." Rizzo said, running after the bear.

    "Si, he’s quite de- hokey pokey!" Pepe shouted. "She’s chasing us!"

    Piggy had pulled off her heels and was pumping her legs towards the rat and the prawn.

    "How did de bear get so far ahead of us?" Pepe asked.

    "I don’t know, just keep running!" Rizzo said.

    "At d’is rate we’ll lead her right to de t'eater!" Pepe said.

    "Good," Rizzo said. "Make her Kermit’s problem."

    "Come back here shimp! You too vermin!" Miss Piggy growled. "I heard what you said about me!"

    "What did jou say, Ritzo?" Pepe asked.

    "I just said d’at she trashed Link, and probably hit him up, too!" Rizzo said. "Oh no..."

    "Why would jou say such a thing, hokay? Jou are going to get me fried, and jou turned into ratatouille!" Pepe shouted.

    "I didn’t mean it! I just meant d’at she probably hit him up for money!" Rizzo said.

    "Oh," Pepe said. "T’ink we should tell her that?" he asked.

    "No time!" Rizzo said. "We’re at da t'eater!"

    The bear, the rat, the prawn, and the pig burst into the theater.

    Link hobbled up to the theater door, tossing a banana peel off his nose. "What a rotten story..."
  20. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Oh I don't know about that... This is proving to be quite an enjoyable story at that.

    Good song choice... Funny how they all keep glaring at Rowlf for that one line about tadpoles.
    The girls are gonna catch up with Robin and Aunt Marge? Oh gosh, don't let the plans slip little green stuff.
    And don't let the pig find out about the real plans either uncle green stuff.

    Post more please!
    *Pelts the janitor with more penguins... You'll have to forgive him Prawny, he's a bit slow. But so long as you don't call Fozzie not funny, he doesn't care about being called slow along with Bo either.

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